Everyone's a Hero
By Fyre
TITLE: Everyone's a Hero.
AUTHOR: Fyre.
RATING: PG.
CLASSIFICATION: Um...none really.
SUMMARY: Cordelia has a task to fulfil, to save a mysterious warrior.
SPOILERS: Only up to the end of series 1 of Angel.
DISTRIBUTION: Anywhere that wants it
DISCLAIMER: Not mine. Not none of it.
FEEDBACK: I want, I need, I beg :)
AUTHOR'S NOTES: A response to challenge 140 on YGTS - A Cordy
crossover...and I was obsessing over the thing I used to cross Cordy
with...and I mean both book, film, soundtrack, fanfics etc, etc. So
sue me :-P (although preferably don't cos I'm broke!)
DEDICATION: This is for you, Blaire, for making me think sick and
twisted thoughts...most of which greeted the editing table ;)
"Nuh-uh! No way! You have got to be kidding!"
The two people standing before her exchanged glances, obviously
anxious to foist their problems onto her sometimes, but not always
capable shoulders. "You must fulfil this task in order to retrieve
the Warrior."
"If this Warrior is such a big deal, go get him yourself!" Cordelia
determinedly folded her arms over her chest, narrowed her eyes and
*glared*. The two before her seemed to cringe, then realising that
technically they had more authority drew themselves up.
"We can not partake of such a task." The man said, a smug look
filtering onto his female partner's face. "Such a thing is suited
only to the meniality of the lower beings."
The former Cheerleader and former head of the Sunnydale Bitch
Brigade took a menacing step forward. "Excuse me? Did you just call
*me* a lower being? And menial? What the hell do you think I am?"
"I see that you do not class yourself as others of your kind."
"Enough with the Giles-speak already. Give me a good reason and I
mean a damn good one for helping you 'fulfil this task' or I'm out
of here."
The man's brow furrowed slightly. "You do not see the spiritual
benefits of..."
"Stow the 'do a good deed' pep talk, Toga-boy. When I say a good
reason, I mean of the hard cash variety that would keep me in stocked
with clothes and make-up until the end of the world is nigh and all
that crap." Her lips arced in a small smile. "If you want me to
retrieve this warrior, we work on my terms."
The male of the pair looked like he was about to blow a gasket, but
the woman had a wickedly devious grin on her face. "Let me handle
this, Sid." She waved her partner away and approached
Cordelia. "Here's the deal, toots. You help us, or we make your life
a living hell until you run to the nearest asylum for safety."
"I don't think so." Cordelia took a step closer, slightly taller
than the other woman. "I lived in Sunnydale, on a Hellmouth. I hung
out with the Slayer. I lost my friends and money. I dated Xander
Harris. Nothing and I repeat nothing you could do, would be
anything more than Heaven compared to that."
The woman nodded, ringlets bobbing. "I see your point. Especially
on the Xander issue...girl, what were you thinking?" Her partner
cleared his throat, clearly agitated. "Right, this is what the real
deal is. Unless you retrieve the Warrior from the Hidden Kingdom, you
and your friends are all gonna be out of work for a very long time."
"How are you gonna stop Angel working...unless Angel is the Warrior
I have to rescue..." She groaned in despair, suddenly
understanding. "Have you any idea how much I hate you both for doing
this?"
The woman grinned, solid blue eyes gleaming wickedly. "I have a
vague idea. So, do you accept your task?"
"Why couldn't Wesley do this? Or Gunn? Gunn can deal with other
realities...I mean, have you seen where he lives? Hello Hell
dimension!"
The male apparently called Sid shrugged. "It is a clause of the
Hidden Kingdom." He explained. "The Master of the Kingdom the one
who now has the Warrior decreed that only young brunette females
can enter his domain, to search for whom they have lost."
"Wait a minute...HE only lets young girls in? HE? You didn't tell
me I'd be going into a place run by a sexist...uh...hair-colourist
demon!"
"Erm...you didn't ask." The woman gave her a wry grin. "He's not
exactly a demon anyway." She noted dryly, spreading her hands in a
shrug. "He's one of the Eeay-teez ba'adhair. I'm not sure what your
people would call him."
"And this task...what *exactly* would I have to do to get Angel
back?"
Sid and his partner exchanged suspiciously secretive glances. "You
would have to do whatever the Master of the dimension challenged you
to do."
"And my chances of succeeding are...?"
"Well," The dark-haired woman frowned, her gold- and blue-whorled
skin rippling in furrows of thought. "So far, there has only been one
person who successfully navigated the mazes of the dimension a
human. She defeated the Master and rescued the one she had lost."
"And this is one out of how many?"
Both of the Oracles shrugged again, their textured togas shifting
with the motion. "There have been many. The Master uses unsuccessful
visitors to populate his world, changing their forms to increase his
populace...but I'm sure you'll do better."
"Great." One hand on her hip, Cordelia rubbed her temple with her
forefinger, the throbbing ache there expanding. "Just great."
"You will still accept the task?" The desperate fanatical hope
gleaming in the eyes of both of the Oracles clearly showed just how
afraid they were of facing the Master of the Hidden Kingdom.
Glancing down at her watch, Cordelia sighed. "I guess so. It's not
like Angel could haul his sorry ass back here on his own and I don't
have anything to do for a few hours." She looked from one blue-and-
gold face to the other. "So, how do I get there?"
***
"I just do not believe this." Sprawled on her couch, Cordelia
didn't bother looking at the two men who were sitting in her living
room, her arm flopped carelessly across her eyes. "Can you believe I
have to do this?"
"It doesn't seem that bad." Wesley volunteered meekly, cringing
against the scathing remark he knew wouldn't be long in coming.
Gunn took an involuntary step back as the girl lowered her arm,
arched an eyebrow at Wesley and exhaled a long breath. "Brother, you
sure that was a good thing to say?"
"Probably not." Wesley gave a sickly grin.
Sitting up, the brunette girl swung her legs off the cushions and
looked down at herself with a low groan. "It's bad enough that I have
to go to some Hidden Kingdom and fight some stupid King because Angel
got himself wished away, but this..." She tugged at the shirt she was
wearing. "How eighties is this?"
Outside of the windows, the sky was darkening, the wind whistling.
Just as the Oracles had told her, there was a huge storm brewing,
unlike anything she had ever seen in her years in Sunnydale.
Ignoring her question, hoping to avoid being pelted with some
household utensil, Wesley took a chance to glance through the panes
of glass. "Awfully unusual weather we're having for this time of
year, isn't it?" He noted, hoping to turn attention away from
Cordelia's dire clothing.
"It's my transport to the Hidden Kingdom." The girl remarked
nonchalantly, getting to her feet lazily. "Maybe you guys should go."
The door had barely closed behind her two friends when a bolt of
lightening exploded into the living room, the blinding whiteness
fading away, leaving Phantom Dennis blinking warily in the spots of
the afterglow.
***
"And I thought this couldn't get any more bizarre..."
"Pardon?"
"You're the Master of the Hidden Kingdom, right?" The man's
enigmatic smile faded, replaced with an expression of
confusion. "C'mon. I don't have all day. I'm here for Angel, the
Warrior of the mortal realm. Can we get on with this? I have an
audition tomorrow and I don't feel like missing it because some punk
with bad hair couldn't talk sense."
"Bad hair?"
"My, my." Hands on her hips, clearly frustrated, the girl eyed him,
the words 'poofy wanker' suddenly ringing in her head. "Someday in
the next millennium we might actually get a sentence out of you."
The apparent Master of the Hidden Kingdom nodded slowly, took a
step across the peach-coloured sand towards her. "You're not like the
others." He remarked, mismatched eyes regarding her curiously.
"Duh!" Blowing out an annoyed breath, she cocked her head, glared
at him. "So, are you gonna challenge me or are you just going to give
me my friend back and let me get back to wearing normal clothes?"
"You can't have him back."
Stiffening her back, Cordelia's dark eyes glittered
dangerously. "What do you mean I can't have him back? I get sent all
this way, wear clothes that even my mother would never touch and now
you tell me I can't get him back." Taking a menacing step towards
him, she poked his chest with her finger. "You've got some explaining
to do."
"He's my prisoner." Wisely, the cloaked man started to back away.
"Well, I have to get him back and you do NOT want to see me pissed
off."
The man before her arched one of his pointed brows. "I've brought
you a gift." Splinters of light gathered over his gloved hand,
materialising into a crystal ball. "But this is no ordinary crystal
for an ordinary girl who works for..."
"Cut the crap. I'm here for Angel. Tell me where he is."
The mocking, sardonic smile returned. "He's there," He turned, one
finger directing her attention to a grim looking castle towering on
the horizon. "In my castle." Moving forward, Cordelia blinked in the
distance, over the huge maze that separated her from the castle. "Do
you still want to look for him?"
Tilting her head, she found the Master inches behind her, smirking
over her shoulder. "You think you're so smart, don't you? Just tell
me what I have to do and I'll do it. I don't need any crystal balls,
so quit trying. It doesn't look that far anyway."
"It's further than you think." The Master shrugged expressively. A
clock materialised out of thin air and he gestured, one of the hands
moving. "Time is short...You have thirteen hours in which to solve
the labyrinth, before your employer becomes one of us...forever..."
He seemed to drift and melt away into the background. "Such a pity."
As soon as the man vanished, the girl doubled over, releasing a
peal of laughter. "Oh my God! What the hell was he wearing?" She
managed to gasp between chuckles. "And I thought I had to wear a bad
costume!"
Turning her attention to the challenge ahead of her, Cordelia
couldn't shake the feeling that she had seen this dimension somewhere
before. Making her way down the sandy embankment, everything seemed
strangely familiar.
At the foot of the slope, a short figure appeared in her line of
sight, clearly a male of whatever species it was. That much was
obvious by the small fountain that he was efficiently spraying into
the small pond at his feet.
"Eew! Like find a bathroom already!"
Hastily trying to conceal himself, the creature spun round,
profusely apologising until it saw who was standing behind him. "Oh.
It's you." Turning, he clomped away from her, ignoring the infuriated
girl.
"Rude much?" Stalking after him, oversized glowing bugs flitted
passed her face, looking strangely like tiny humans with wings.
But they still buzzed like bugs.
Slapping one away impatiently, Cordelia turned her attention back
to the dwarf-like thing who was staring at her in surprise. "What?
What's the deal?"
"You killed one."
"The bug? Big deal."
The creature shrugged his shoulders. "They don't normally kill
them." He noted to himself dryly, turning away from her.
Not again, Cordelia stormed over, grabbed the dwarf-thing by the
shoulders and spun him around to face her. "Look, shorty, I've got to
get through this labyrinth and you're going to tell me how to do it."
"Um..." Like the Master, the dwarf creature started backing away.
One perfect eyebrow arched upwards. "You don't want to help me?"
The implied threat all rested on those skilful brows of hers.
Squatting, she gripped the dwarf's jaw in her slender, but
surprisingly strong hand. "Look, buddy, I'm having a very bad day.
First, the Oracles tell me I have to do this mission. Second I get
dragged here in a storm cloud. Third, some reject from the eighties
tells me I have thirteen hours to find my friend. And fourth...look
at what they made me wear! You don't help me and I swear you'll know
the true meaning of pain."
"I see your point." The dwarf grimaced, in obvious pain. "All
right, al right, I'll tell you where to start." A dark brow arched
again. "Okay! I'll give you directions to the center!"
Straightening up, she brushed glittering sand from her
trousers. "There." With a deceptively friendly smile, she patted the
dwarf on the head. "That wasn't so hard, was it?"
Massaging his jaw, the dwarf muttered under his breath, stomping
away, gesturing for the former Sunnydale girl to follow him. Reaching
a certain spot on the wall, he inclined his head towards the
gate. "There you go."
"Directions?"
He shrugged helplessly. "The maze always changes. Just go the way
you think is best...you know you're not like other girls who've been
here, right?" The brunette nodded. "Well, then, you should get
through no problem."
"Well that was reassuring." She stalked into the maze, the heavy
doors slamming behind her.
***
"Crap, crap, crap!" Victims of a combination of the boredom, sheer
frustration the most severe case of PMS in the labyrinth's history,
several tree-sized logs that littered the paths were deftly shattered
into splinters by Cordelia's delicate sneakered foot.
" 'Ello!"
Whipping around, searching for the source of the voice, the
brunette spotted a miniscule worm regarding her, a large blue quiff
bobbing back and forth. "Oh great. First, eighties clothes. Next, a
poofy wanker with bad hair...thank you, Spike. Then, a dwarf peeing
in the damn pool and now... a worm."
"That's not right." The worm blinked large, round, red eyes at her,
clearly bemused by the turn of events. "You're meant to ask if I
said 'Hello' and I'm meant to ask you if you want to come in and meet
the missus for a nice cup of tea."
Cordelia's formidable eyebrow quirked upwards. "Well, since this is
wrong, I don't want to meet your missus, I'm not Wesley so I don't
like tea and you, wormy, are going to tell me how the hell I'm meant
to get to the castle at the centre of the labyrinth."
Clearly terrified, the worm nodded to a wall across the
passage. "Secret opening there. Turn left. Keep going. Don't come
back. Have a nice day." She turned to look at the wall, then turned
back to the worm, only to find him gone.
"Right. I have to walk through solid wall." Shaking her head, she
moved to the wall, raised her hands. "As if this couldn't get any
weirder."
***
"This isn't right." In his throne room, Jareth stared intently into
his crystal ball, trying to ignore the large and rather good-looking
vampire who was sitting on the floor, chained hand and foot to rings
in the stone.
It would have been an ominous image, if it hadn't been for the
incongruous fact the massive, dark, creature of the night was wearing
a skin-tight, red- and white-striped lycra babygro, complete with
footie feet and popper buttons around the crotch.
"I told you." The vampire remarked smugly, tugging against the
chains that seemed to be enhanced by some form of magick. "I said
anyone but Cordy and what did you do? You asked for a brunette girl
who knew me."
Jareth raised his eyes over the crystal. "Look, I warned you
already. You don't shut up, you get the matching hat. I'm trying to
study my balls here." Biting down on his lip, the vampire gave a
muffled snort of laughter, eyes glinting with apparent mirth. The
King of the Goblins sighed impatiently. "What's funny now?"
"Nothing." Angel fought down a wide variety of innuendoes he could
use to respond to the Goblin King's words, but even just the thought
of wearing that hat again made him shudder with abject terror.
More than anything, he was praying for Cordelia to get to him in
time.
***
Hefting a large branch of the forest floor, Cordelia swung round,
the eerie tap-tap-tap sounding closer than it had before. Maniacal
laughter had accompanied it and was growing unnervingly loud too.
As if PMS wasn't bad enough without paranoia to contend with.
"Just come out already." She muttered.
On cue, a wild-furred creature exploded from the crop of bushes
behind her. Feeling scrawny fingers grabbing you around the waist was
something Cordelia decided she didn't want to repeat in a hurry.
Particular in a wood that wasn't even meant to be there.
"Don't touch me." Preventing her voice from shrilling to a squeal,
the baseball bat-size stick in her hand connected smoothly with the
face of whatever it was that had attacked her.
And the head sailed off.
Taking up the batsman's pose, she looked around, wary. Balancing on
her toes, she spotted another of the creatures, carrying the head of
her first attacker. And apparently they were conversing with each
other.
Several more red-, orange- and white-furred critters sprang from
other outcroppings, surrounding the already-pissed female. "You wants
us ta take yer head off." One crowed in apparent glee.
Again with the arcing brow, Cordelia gave her best Faith-style
homicidal grin. "You try and lay a finger on my head and I'll kill
each and every one of you, slowly and painfully. I paid a hundred and
fifty dollars for this cut and I didn't come to some filthy dimension
to have crazy demons messing with it."
"Oh, she's a feisty little thing!"
"No," In the same crazed tone, Cordelia mimicked the fiery
creature. "I'm a homicidal little thing. Wanna see?"
"Can you do dis?" One demanded abruptly, pulling his head off.
The brunette shrugged, smirked and grabbed two of the other
creature's heads, ripping them off easily and tossing them into a pit
behind her. "Well whaddya know." She batted hereyes in her best
imitation of innocence. "I can."
"She ain't normal." The leader of the gang managed to say, using
his ears to pull his head out of the hole as Cordelia's figure
receeded into the darkness of the woods. "I say we leaves dat one
alone."
"Dat sounds good to me." The head rolling alongside him heartily
agreed.
Glancing back into the woods, Cordelia could still hear the voices,
the bizarre accents and smiled grimly. No one or no thing in the
mortal dimension or this dimension could take on the bitch and hope
to win.
Already, she could see the light ahead growing brighter. The woods
were coming to an end. The sooner she got out of the woods and back
on the path, the sooner she would be able to get the hell out of this
dimension.
And out of the God awful clothes.
She would definitely have to compensation from Angel.
If she ever found him.
***
"I swore an oath! No one may pass without my permission!"
Mentally rolling her eyes, Cordelia feigned a bow. "Good sir,"
Searching for any Shakespeare she could remember, she spoke as
sweetly as she could without screaming. "I am simply a humble woman
at your mercy."
The fox's eyebrow rose. "Yet I cannot let you pass, my lady."
So much for the polite and courteous approach.
"You're a gentleman, right?" The fox nodded. "So you wouldn't hit a
lady, right?" A more wary nod this time. "Then what the hell can you
do to stop me crossing? I'm bigger than you and I'm NOT having a good
day."
Her voice crescendoed, the slight, canine-like biped backing away
wisely. That seemed to be valid choice and a popular one with the
men of this dimension.
"Perhaps," He suggested, his voice a quavering treble. "I could
make an exception for a lady such as yourself."
Shrugging, she steped onto the rickety bridge, running across as
quickly as her stupid, flat, eighties sneakers would allow.
She still couldn't say how she had ended up in the vile-smelling
bog of all places, or where the woods had vanished to, but after
picking fights with every creature she had come across and with the
castle within throwing distance she was ready to meet the Master.
He just better have been ready to run for cover.
***
Turning the crystal ball this way and that, the Goblin King
frowned. Again. Somehow, the cock-sure brunette ally of the vampire
had slipped his tracking abilities, untraceable in any of his
crystals.
Unlike every other girl who had been pulled mercilessly into his
game, this one wasn't all sweetness and light. This one had guts,
spunk, resourcefullness and was most importantly the sharpest-
tongued bitch to ever enter his domain.
And she'd actually terrified the Fiery gang!
That was a first for any of the girls.
On top of that, she had rejected Hoggle's help, shocked and
terrified the worm, gotten directions and would have made it to the
castle in a matter of minutes, if he Jareth hadn't known what the
worm had told her.
Morphing the Goblin City into the forest area had been a risk, when
she had passed through the wall, but it had been necessary.
Not to great avail, though. He had lost her shortly after the
Fierys had reported some kind of crazy human taking apart their gang
and threatening to kill them all with a large, wooden beam. It was
clear that this human was used to dealing with the supernatural.
With a grunt of frustration, he hurled the crystal across the
throne room. It bounced off the high walls and parapets, only to
smack off the head of the red- and white-striped vampire who was
still chained pitifully to the floor.
"You picked the wrong girl, didn't you?"
"Just shut up."
The vampire smirked. "I warned you. Remember, I'm the one who had
to live with her. Even one day was bad enough."
With a swirl of his cloaks, the Goblin King swept both of them to
the room he called 'Confusion', leaving the vampire sitting upside
down on what he assumed was the ceiling. "I'm still in control here."
He pointed out.
"Is that so?"
Leaning back, glancing down, Jareth blinked once, twice. "Uh...it's
you!"
Somewhere in the bowels of the castle, some wicked music emanated
from a synthsiser.
"No!" Trailing off in a dischord, the music ceased, a look of
relief flooding Cordelia's dirt-coated face, her hands balled on her
hips, eyes blazing. "You can drag me out of my dimension, you can
make me run round some kind of crazy maze, you can force me to wear
tacky clothes, but you'll never, ever make me listen to eighties
synth music! I've killed demons for lower crimes than that."
"Good work, Cordy." Angel put in, his mouth snapping shut when he
realised speaking would draw attention to his state of dress.
On top of which, his words had rather annoyed the Goblin King, the
striped stocking hat on his head flattening his once-poofy hair and
adding to the whole ensemble image.
Cordelia's dark brow rose a millimeter, a small smile threatning to
break on her lips at the sight of the vampire in a babysuit, sitting
chained up on the ceiling of a room that was confusing the hell
out of her mental stability. "You know, I think this has gone far
enough."
"You don't get any say in what I do or don't do in my realm." The
Goblin King muttered, apparently even more pissed than the vampire
and girl had realised.
"Oh I don't?"
"Bad idea, old boy." Angel muttered out of the corner of his mouth.
Jareth did nothing. Said even less, eyes fixed on the dark-haired,
dark-eyed girl who was glaring up at him.
"You can't stop me doing what I like." Her voice rang up. "I've
killed demons and vampires. I argued with the Oracles. I fell in love
with a half-demon. I work for a vampire. Hell, I even dated the
school's biggest loser. No one tells me what it is right and wrong to
do. Neither you, nor anyone else can tell me what to do. You have no
power over me."
The clock struck thirteen and a single word rang through the palace.
"Bugger!"
***
Sipping a cappucino, Cordelia settled back against the comfiness of
her sofa, stretched out her legs and smiled.
Okay, maybe she had complained all the way through the labyrinth,
maybe she had upset a few people, aliens, demons or whatever they
were called on whatever that world was called, maybe she had only won
by chance.
But it had been fun, in a way. She'd had her chance to prove that
she could be a hero too. And kick some ass, if the occasion called
for it.
Also, she did have those adorable photographs of Angel in a stripey
romper suit and matching hat. What fun was an adventure in an
alternate dimension, if you didn't have the option of blackmail to
come home to?
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