Monica: Phebes, you know what I'm thinking?
Phoebe: Oh, okay! How... it's been so long since you've had sex, you're wondering if they've changed it?
Monica: No, although now that's what I'm thinking.

Rachel: When I saw him get off that plane with her, I really thought I just hit rock bottom. But today, it's like there's rock bottom, then 50 feet of crap, then me.

Monica: It's gonna be a problem, isn't it?
Chandler: Come on, you're going to Bloomingdales with Julie? That's like cheating on Rachel in her house of worship.

Chandler: You're damn right I'm right. I say you show this guy what you're made of. I say you stand your ground. I say you show him that you are the baddest hombre west of the lingerie.

Phoebe: No, uh uh, no way. I'm sorry, not gonna happen.
Chandler: Whoa, whoa, Prom night flashback.

Chandler: So, the Ebola virus--that's gotta suck, huh?

Ross: Don't be silly. Ben loves you. He's just being Mr. Crankypants.
Chandler: You know, I once dated a Miss Crankypants. Lovely girl; kinda moody.

Ross: What? You're, uh, you're... you're over me? When... when were you... under me?

Joey: Let me get this straight. He got you to beg to sleep with him, he got you to say he never has to call you again, and he got you thinking this was a great idea?
Phoebe: Um...hm.
Joey: This man is my god!

Chandler: All right, check out this bad boy. Twelve megabytes of RAM, 500 megabyte hard drive. Built-in spreadsheet capabilities and a modem that transmits at over 28,000 BPS.
Phoebe: Wow. What are you gonna use it for?
Chandler: Games and stuff.

Chandler: Oh, I know. This must be so hard. "Oh, no! Two women love me. They're both gorgeous and sexy. My wallet's too small for my fifties, and my diamond shoes are too tight!"

Monica: Money is so impersonal. Cookies says someone really cares. All right, we're broke, but cookies do say that.
Phoebe: I can see that. A plate of brownies once told me a limerick.
Chandler: Phoebs, let me ask you something. Were... were these, uh, "funny" brownies?
Phoebe: Not especially. But you know what, I think they had pot in them.

Ross: I don't know what she sees in... in... that goober. And what, and it takes him, what? Like... like... I don't know, uh... uh, hello... a... week, to get out a sentence.

Ross: She's my ex-wife. If she were marrying a guy, none of you'd expect me to be there.
Joey: Hey, if she were marrying a guy, she'd be like the worst lesbian ever.

Monica: I can't decide between lamb or duck.
Chandler: Well, of course, lambs are scarier. Otherwise the movie would've been called Silence of the Ducks.

Monica: All right people, we're in trouble here. We've only got twelve hours and thirty-six minutes left! Move, move, move!
Chandler: Monica, I feel like you should have German subtitles.

Joey: Hey, hey, check it out. Guess what I got.
Chandler: Rhythm?

Joey: Okay, we'll just leave, and when we pass her on the stairs, she won't know it's me 'cause we've never met.
Chandler: That's how radio stars escape stalkers.

Phoebe: Oh! Okay, you gotta give me a second, I wanna get this just right. [Then in a male voice:] "Dude, Eleven o'clock: Totally hot babe checkin' you out." That was really good, I think I'm ready for my penis now.

Phoebe: Hey, Mon, what is this?
Monica: Oh, um, that was my bathing suit from high school. I was, uh, a little bigger then.
Chandler: Oh, I thought that was what they used to cover Connecticut when it rained.

Joey: What is with your nose?
Rachel: They had to reduce it because of... of my deviated septum.
Chandler: Okay, I was wrong. That's what they used to cover Connecticut.

Joey: Some girl ate Monica!
Monica: Shut up, the camera adds ten pounds.
Chandler: Uh, so how many cameras are actually on you?

Ross: Listen, have you ever been, uh, you know, foolin' around with a girl and, uh, she started laughin'?
Chandler: Yeah, but, uh, it was 1982 and my Flock of Seagulls haircut was tickling her chin.

Ross: Woah, woah, woah! Australopithicus isn't supposed to be in that display. No. No. No, no, Homo-habilus was erect, Australopithicus was never fully erect.
Chandler: Well maybe he was nervous.

Monica: You remember that video I found of mom and dad?
Ross: Yeah.
Monica: Well, I just caught the live show.

Chandler: Your little men are gonna get scored on more times than your sister!
Joey: Woah! Woah, woah, woah! Which sister?

Phoebe: You are not gonna believe this. I have just been discovered.
Chandler: Now wait a minute, I claimed you in the name of France four years ago.

Rachel: Oh, please! That Paolo thing was barely a relationship. All it really was was just, you know, meaningless animal sex. ...Okay, you know, that sounded so much better in my head.

Rachel: This is like reading about my own life. I mean, this book could have been called Be Your Own Windkeeper, Rachel.
Phoebe: I don't think it would have sold a million copies, but it would have made a nice gift for you.

Ross: What... what's that?
Joey: It's my VISA bill. "Envelope one of two." That can't be good.

Monica: All right, I've got a leg, three breasts, and a wing.
Chandler: Well how do you find clothes that fit?

Rachel: Joey, the dog will lick himself, but he will not touch your sandwich. What does that tell you?

Rachel: What happened to, uh, MEG?
Monica: MEG was good for me, but I dumped her. Ya know, my motto is "get out before they go down."
Joey: That is so not my motto.

Joey: Ross, have you ever been beaten up before?
Ross: Yeah, sure.
Joey: By someone besides Monica?

Rachel: Thank you for my beautiful earrings, they're perfect. I love you.
Ross: Oh, now you can exchange them if you want, okay?
Rachel: Now I love you even more.

Joey: Well, see, when you're acting you need to think about stuff like that. My character, Joseph the processor guy, has two little girls, Ashley and Brittany. Ashley copies everything Brittany does.
Chandler: Well, invisible kids can be that way sometimes.
Joey: Yeah. Joseph and his wife, Karen, are thinking of having a third kid. You know what? Just did!

Ross: Oh, look! A low-budget puppet show.
Phoebe: It's such a shame you can't see which finger I'm holding up.

Phoebe: All right, I'll do it. I kissed him before I can do it again.
Joey: You see this, this is a friend.
Phoebe: Uh huh, let's go. Oh, wait I have gum. Okay. [They kiss.] Good, very good. Firm but tender. I'd recommend you to a friend.

Chandler: Well, I think you should seriously consider the marriage thing. Give Rachel another chance to dress up like Princess Bubble Yum.