Great Signs about that great elixir known as beer!
Thanks
Eric
THE LADS' PRAYER
Our beer,
Which art in barrels,
Hallowed be thy drink.
Thy will be drunk,
I will be drunk,
At home as it is in the pub.
Forgive us this day our daily spillages
As we forgive those who spill
against us. For mine is the bitter,
the ale and the lager,
Forever and ever;
BARMEN
Planning!
Police are warning all men who frequent clubs, party goers and Unsuspecting pub regulars to be alert and stay cautious when offered a drink from any woman.
A date rape drug on the market called "Beer", is used by many Females to target unsuspecting men. The drug is generally found in liquid form and is now available almost anywhere. It comes in bottles, cans, from taps and in large "kegs." Beer is used by female sexual predators at parties and bars to persuade their male victims to go home and have sex with them. Typically, a woman needs only to persuade a guy to consume a few units of Beer and then simply ask him home for no strings attached sex. Men are rendered helpless against this approach. After several Beers, men will often succumb to desires to perform sexual acts on horrific looking women to whom they would never normally be attracted.
After drinking Beer men often awaken with only hazy memories of Exactly what happened to them the night before, often with just a vague feeling that "something bad" occurred. At other times these unfortunate men are swindled out of their life's savings in a familiar scam known as "a relationship." It has been reported that in extreme cases, the female may even be shrewd enough to entrap the unsuspecting male into a longer term form of servitude and punishment referred to as marriage." Apparently, men are much more susceptible to this scam after Beer is administered and sex is offered by the predatory females.
Please! Forward this warning to every male you know. If you fall victim to this insidious Beer and the predatory women administering it, there are male support groups with venues in every town where you can discuss the details of your shocking encounter in an open and frank manner with similarly affected, like-minded guys.
For the support group nearest you, just look up "Golf Courses."
The FDA is considering 13 additional warnings on beer and alcohol bottles,
such as:
13. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
12. WARNING: consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an asshole.
11. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to SMASH YOUR HEAD IN.
10. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.
9. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4 in the morning.
8. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra.
7. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose species and or name you can't remember).( haven't we all been there before!!!!!!!!!!)
6. WARNING: consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.
5. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, better looking and smarter than some really hot babe that your ex in now with.
4. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.
3. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
2. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the time-space continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to literally "disappear,"
1. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may actually CAUSE pregnancy.(nahhhh)
13. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
12. WARNING: consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an asshole.
11. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to SMASH YOUR HEAD IN.
10. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.
9. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4 in the morning.
8. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra.
7. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose species and or name you can't remember).( haven't we all been there before!!!!!!!!!!)
6. WARNING: consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.
5. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, better looking and smarter than some really hot babe that your ex in now with.
4. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.
3. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
2. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the time-space continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to literally "disappear,"
1. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may actually CAUSE pregnancy.(nahhhh)
camaraderie!
Subject: A warning for men
Police are warning all men who frequent clubs, party goers and Unsuspecting pub regulars to be alert and stay cautious when offered a drink from any woman.
A date rape drug on the market called "Beer", is used by many Females to target unsuspecting men. The drug is generally found in liquid form and is now available almost anywhere. It comes in bottles, cans, from taps and in large "kegs." Beer is used by female sexual predators at parties and bars to persuade their male victims to go home and have sex with them. Typically, a woman needs only to persuade a guy to consume a few units of Beer and then simply ask him home for no strings attached sex. Men are rendered helpless against this approach. After several Beers, men will often succumb to desires to perform sexual acts on horrific looking women to whom they would never normally be attracted.
After drinking Beer men often awaken with only hazy memories of Exactly what happened to them the night before, often with just a vague feeling that "something bad" occurred. At other times these unfortunate men are swindled out of their life's savings in a familiar scam known as "a relationship." It has been reported that in extreme cases, the female may even be shrewd enough to entrap the unsuspecting male into a longer term form of servitude and punishment referred to as marriage." Apparently, men are much more susceptible to this scam after Beer is administered and sex is offered by the predatory females.
Please! Forward this warning to every male you know. If you fall victim to this insidious Beer and the predatory women administering it, there are male support groups with venues in every town where you can discuss the details of your shocking encounter in an open and frank manner with similarly affected, like-minded guys.
For the support group nearest you, just look up "Golf Courses."
Risk!
Reflections
Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver. "
> by Jack Handy
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. "
> Frank Sinatra
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools."
> Ernest Hemingway
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
> Henny Youngman
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not."
> Stephen Wright
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven.
Sooooo, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!"
> Brian O'Rourke
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
> Benjamin Franklin
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza."
> Dave Barry
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
BEER: HELPING UGLY PEOPLE HAVE SEX SINCE 3000 B.C.!!!
> "Unknown"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Remember "I" before "E", except in Budweiser.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group. Salvation in a can!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Polish 7 Course Banquet: A Polish Sausage and a 6 Pack of Beer
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And saving the best for last, as explained by Cliff Clavin, of Cheers.
One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm. Here's how it went:
"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. "In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."
Reflections
Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver. "
> by Jack Handy
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. "
> Frank Sinatra
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools."
> Ernest Hemingway
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
> Henny Youngman
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not."
> Stephen Wright
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven.
Sooooo, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!"
> Brian O'Rourke
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
> Benjamin Franklin
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza."
> Dave Barry
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
BEER: HELPING UGLY PEOPLE HAVE SEX SINCE 3000 B.C.!!!
> "Unknown"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Remember "I" before "E", except in Budweiser.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group. Salvation in a can!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Polish 7 Course Banquet: A Polish Sausage and a 6 Pack of Beer
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And saving the best for last, as explained by Cliff Clavin, of Cheers.
One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm. Here's how it went:
"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. "In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."
Goals!
Friendship!
Blacking Out?!
Indomitability!
Individuality
Honesty!
Solace
Interpretation
Defiance
Judgement
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