DUNGEONS & DRAGONS
If you've been waiting all your life for a D&D movie, keep waiting.
By Sam Tannous

: : : Our Rating : : :

First of all let me say that I have been playing Dungeons & Dragons for the better part of my life. And before you ask, yes, I live in my mother's basement, and no, I do not have a girlfriend.

Every D&D geeks dream was to see a movie based on this thing that was our escape from reality. We had hopes of Spielberg or Lucas making a movie that would make the world notice. What we got was some guy who managed to convince people that since he had a camera, and since he played the game, he could make the movie. What shocks me more is that SOMONE GAVE HIM $35 MILLION TO MAKE THIS!!!!

Our story is about the evil mage Profio (much like Sauron, Nazgul, and Darth Vader, a name to inspire fear) and his attempt to get a rod of power that will allow him to control dragons, and take over the world. Very original. Our heroes include Marlon Wayans and that guy who was Jimmy Olsen on the Lois and Clark TV show. My only comfort is that one of them ends up dead.

Regardless of the fact that Marlon Wayans (the star of Scary Movie, which made lots of money), Jeremy Irons, (an actor who has been up for numerous awards, and may one day win once he stops making soft-core porn) and Thora Birch (who should have taken the money she made from American Beauty and stopped this disaster from coming out) are actors who can bring in an audience, only the fans of the game are going to see it. Everybody else is going to dismiss it as schlock; a movie for the geeks. Unfortunately, they would be right. What could have been the opportunity to bring forth the game into the mainstream has resulted in a waste of celluloid.

You want to see a good fantasy movie? Save your money until December 2001, when Peter Jackson's version of The Lord of the Rings comes out. Maybe then, we geeks will get the movie we deserve.