- The best way to
adjust the valves on a motorcycle is to:
1.
remove the body panels, gas tank, air plenum,
fairing ducts, ignition coils and cam covers to
measure and/or replace up to 16 shims;
2. take the bike into a shop because the
job is so complicated it's better if someone else
screws it up so you don't negate the warranty;
3. remove two aluminum valve covers that
stick out in mid-air and adjust four rocker arms
while you sit on a mechanics stool listening to
Beethoven's Symphony No. 6 "Pastoral"
on a garage boom-box and sipping a heavy Bavarian
beer that seems to have been brewed from dark
honey found in the Black Forest.
- A motorcycle,
before it wears out and is no longer worthy of
rebuilding, should be able to go:
1.
about 18,000 miles;
2. about 50,000 miles;
3. at least 250,000 miles, and then be
rebuilt anyway.
- The famous maxim,
"Without music life would be a
mistake," was written by a cynical critic of
public morals named;
1. Ross Perot;
2. the Reverend Jim Bakker;
3. Friedrich Nietzsche.
- You are having
some friends over for venison sauerbraten with
potato dumplings and Ganseleberpastete. A good
wine to serve with dinner would be:
1.
Night Train;
2. a "blush" wine that looks
like someone poured cherry juice into a perfectly
good batch of peach syrup;
3. Schloss Vollrads.
- Halfway through
dinner, one of your guests says, "What's
that terrible music on the stereo?" You:
1.
smile politely and explain it's Wagner's
"Das Rheinegold" from Der Ring Des
Nibelungen and politely offer to turn it down;
2. put on any album from the Windham
Hill catalog;
3. begin to clear the table and turn
lights off in the house, helping your guests into
their coats and explaining that you have to get
up early, after which you listen to the entire
four-CD boxed set of the Ring until 4 a.m., while
polishing off the Schloss Vollrads yourself.
- Motorcycle luggage
should be carried:
1. under an elastic
cargo net stretched over the rear seat and
clipped to the protruding body sidepanels in such
a way that it does not scratch the plastic;
2. inside your jacket;
3. in a pair of waterproof suitcases
that were designed for your bike and clip on and
off in about ten seconds.
- Ideally, a dog
should look as much as possible like:
1.
a small piece of sculpted shrubbery from the
gardens of Versailles;
2. a dust mop;
3. a wolf.
- The best name for
a dog is:
1. Fifi;
2. Mopsie;
3. Wolf.
- The best name for
a rocket scientist is:
1. Al;
2. Jimmy;
3. Werner.
- Confronted at a
cocktail party by a person with "way
out" opinions, the best response is to:
1.
shake your head and smile quietly at the strange
diversity of humankind;
2. tactfully change the subject;
3. straighten the person out with the
crushing precision of logic and lucid Hegelian
dialectic.
- The most
confidence-inspiring name for a general
commanding huge numbers of troops is:
1.
Gamelin;
2. Graziani;
3. Eisenhower.
- A good length for
a motorcycle ride is:
1. over to the 7-Eleven
store;
2. up and down Main Street about six
times;
3. down to Tierra del Fuego and back on
opposite coasts.
- A dual-purpose
bike for serious exploration should hold:
1.
1.2 gallons of fuel;
2. 2.3 gallons of fuel;
3. 9.3 gallons.
- The most inviting
commercial description of a malt beverage is:
1.
Lite;
2. Dry;
3. Clear;
4. Dark
- Dark Bavarian beer
should be drunk:
1. in standard 6-ounce
bar glasses;
2. in thin plastic cups with the names
and helmet designs of famous NFL football teams
on them;
3. in huge 1-liter steins depicting folk
scenes of castles, stag hunts, and happy peasants
eating an entire wild boar and falling down
drunk.
- Huge 1-liter
steins of dark Bavarian beer should be served by:
1.
a guy named Brad who will be your server tonight;
2. a vending machine;
3. a great big healthy blond woman who
can carry four steins in each hand.
- The best part of
every touring day is:
1. when you get to oil
your chain;
2. when you forget to oil your chain;
3. neither of the above.
- If you were
shooting a helicopter-assault scene in the movie
Apocalypse Now, the best choice of sound-track
music might be:
1. a Glenn Miller dance
tune;
2. Gary Lewis and the Playboys Greatest
Hits;
3. "The Ride of the
Valkyries."
- Motorcycles;
1.
are fun to ride around sometimes when it's nice
out;
2. really look radical with some of
those wild colors they got;
3. are a lifetime passion whose
enjoyment can be enhanced through exacting
craftsmanship and the thoughtful application of
technology.