At the night desk, the insites of Morgan Johnson on various people:
1) Pockets: "Pockets is like a puppy, he will play with anything. He doesn't care if it's dirty socks or blow up dolls." Pockets responds: "I'd prefer the socks."
2) Pockets and Benny: "No matter what [they] are saying, when people walk by they never stop."
3) Benny: "I keep forgetting that Benny is younger than me. When I remember I am very very ashamed."
4) Tom: "Tom is my stupidity soul brother."
5) Hailey (in reference to the idea of Hailey and Morgan mud wrestling): "I couldn't fight Hailey because I think of her as a demon... sometimes she gets looks on her face that are purely satanic. I can't think of her as a person, she is more like a phantasm... I don't think that's she's materialized."
6) Eric: "Kleefeld is a fabulous human experiment and I would love to see what comes of him in five years... I do enjoy spending time with him - in moderation."
7) Bryan: "Benny, you have bigger balls than he's imagined in his wildest wet dreams."

Other quotes of Morgan's:
~"Hailey, do you have an extention cord? Come on, they're good for strangling small children, you must have one!"
~"That's either heroin or sick."
~"I am a dictator, but I'm not going to test nuclear bombs on my own people."
~"It's really red - it comes out of her head that color."
~"[name removed] is a bad kisser, and so therefore is probubly emotionally stable."
~"Oh, who, a certain mysogenistic sociopath we all know and love?"
~"Do you have any idea how many nobel prizes they'd be handing out if those considered to be melodramatic were also considered to be right?"
~"You cannot crush pure cellulite, it will just displace to a more convenient orifice."
~"I'm walking around in a stupor. I mean, I'm suprised I don't have my underwear on over my pants."
~"Raise your hand if you knew that remark was going to come from Kleefeld. Raise your other hand if you knew it would involve genitalia."
~"Oh no, I'm inhaling my hair."
~"Yeah, and the Virgin Mary is going to fly out of my asshole and start singing Viva Las Vegas."
~"I'm drunk, so I'm a definite disadvantage."
~"You can take that cross and shove it so far up your rectum that splinters come out your pupils."
~"...before the printer gives birth to a small farm animal."
~"Shit, dude, that would be the phattest thing since forehead piercing."
~"[Name removed] on the other hand is just so fucking vapid she could just frolic right into a shitstorm."
~"You know thats the problem with these kids today: no solid porn."
~"...unbridled, Jesus is grabbing me, bliss."
~"I have a Jesus."
~"Don't ever question my honor as a slut again."

Hailey: "I am sweet, kind, and gentle to all living things."
Pockets: "Benny, put that one on your site!"

These are quotes from Michelle:
~"Trendoids don't bother me that much."
~"I bet if my name were Egbert, I'd get laid all the time."
~"If you two ever start making sense to me, I'll know that I'm finally clinically insane."
~"Imagine, Madison liberals with nothing to say!"
~(to Benny) "When I remember who I'm talking to, I always have to reevaluate whether you're complaining about your injuries or bragging."
~"I would love to see him try to figure out the socially acceptable thing to do when faced with a blow up doll."
~"I think I saw a lot more of Doc's scrotum than I needed to."
~"It's like, I'm meeting people for the first time who have already seen me in my underwear."
~"We've been fucking for a month and he asks me my first name."

Michelle: "I'm gonna be a muscley girl, and beat up all of the boys."
Benny: "Don't beat me up!"
Michelle: "I'm not having sex with you."

Pockets: "Could you throw a chicken at my head please?"

Pockets: "I don't have to have a sex drive to be perverted."

Pockets: "I'm sorry to have disturbed your online sex."

Ruhiyyih: "I'm not into people shooting things at me."

Benny: "Now that [name removed] has been corrupted I feel the need to teacher her social skills."

Benny: "I'm sure it was lots of fun for you; you didn't laid."

Benny: "But I don't want it to rain men!"
Kleefeld: "Yeah, it would probubly crush people."

Rachael: "[Pockets] doesn't know anything... he'll be like pringles, just you watch... it always happens."

Rachael: "Sweetie, it's a Saturday. Saturdays are ment for molestation."

Ultimate: "Pockets, you know you're a sexual Tyrranasaurus."

Kleefeld: "Morgan is what Wednesday Addams would have been like if we got to see her grow up past puberty."

Kleefeld: "Morgan will quit smoking six days after her funeral."

Kyle: "It takes a special kind of heartlessness to deny someone oxygen."

Kyle: "I have a friend who snorted a penguin."

Kyle: "Do we need to buy more condoms?"
Kyle and Sioux: "That depends on if the Unitarians show up again."

Wendy: "Fireflies are nature's glitter."

Wendy: "I was just making juice when I saw your hamster deep throating his waterbottle."

Jack: "I'm more than just a 12 inch cock!"
Wendy: "How much more?"

Wendy: "I lived in a dorm fridge."

Neil, on Elton John: "The guy has seen more dicks than a catheter."

Jessie: "There is something gratifying about watching someone get run over by a skateboard."

Mike (of Milwaukee): "Quadripeds are tasty."

Creamy: "Oh, nothing. Just turning the general public into a big meat market again."

Cory: "I will cross my fingers as well... except when I have to eat or use the computer or something."

Dave: "I shave myself quite well I think."

Danelle: "Laura, how are you going to pee without your penis?"

Danya: "Who wants Bush?"

Ribsin: "Why am I not wearing any pants?"

Christine: "Wendy just got Pirate's Booty down her tits."

Sioux: "Let's not talk about spleens anymore, okay?"

Liz: "Ah! There's a condom in my shoe."