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THE COLLECTED WORKS OF THE FILTHY REDS arranged alphabetically
greg's lyrics are in red mike's lyrics are in yellow bob's lyrics are in green mac's lyrics are in blue joint ventures and songs without words are in white
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7 dollar suit 7 dollar suit in a 3 dollar can 7 dollar suit for a 10 dollar man mikey keeps the shit in the 12 dollar van 5 dollar shit for the 5 dollar plan 7 dollar suit and a moustache 7 dollar suit and a moustache what can't be beat is a half dollar pie or a 2 dollar clip for a 6 dollar tie 1 dollar chips and a turkey on rye 3 dollar lunch for a white collar spy 7 dollar suit and a moustache 7 dollar suit and a moustache honkin at the kids in aledo, texas slammin on the brakes in the 8 dollar lexus talkin on the cell phone 7 dollar suit and a moustache 7 dollar suit and a million dollar moustache
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| apologie to the
queene
i'm sorry i showed up at your tea party stark naked from the waist down, your majesty the fact of the matter is i picked up my guitar on the way here and i rocked my pants right off i rocked them off i rocked my pants off i rocked them off i rocked my pants off so now, assuming you don't have a spare pair, i'll just sit here and drink my tea as if nothing's wrong i thought about bringing nachos but the prime minister advised against it so i baked you these cookies i hope you enjoy them why are you looking at me like that? why are you looking at me like that?
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bratwurst party my mom bought me some bratwurst she bought me a party pack it could feed a whole army all i wanted was a snack, yeah yeah she didn't buy the sauerkraut but that's where you come into play if you can bring the sauerkraut i'll bring the mustard we can have ourselves a little bratwurst party, yeah yeah we can share the silverware we both know that there's no reason to fight at a bratwurst party if you can bring the sauerkraut i'll bring the mustard we can have ourselves a little bratwurst party, yeah yeah we can share the silverware we both know that there's no reason to fight at a bratwurst party oh no, no, no, no, no if you can bring the sauerkraut i'll bring the mustard we can have ourselves a little bratwurst party, yeah yeah we can share the silverware we both know that there's no reason to fight at a bratwurst party oh no, no, no, no, no
bring the bufflinks this is not some kind of joke everybody hit the ground operation: c.o.b.a.l.t. just arrived the toughest hombres in this town pasta la vista, baby! pasta la vista, baby! so go hide in a bathtub lock the doors and clear the streets cover up the children's eyes and pray they don't find your receipts pasta la vista, baby! pasta la vista, baby!
brutha can't get no booty cruisin down the streets in the honey wagon whistlin softly when i see a fine lady i'm kickin it in a fresh new suit and i got my hair all nice i got my breath all minty but lo and behold brutha can't get no booty brutha can't get no booty brutha can't get no booty when i got dudes ridin up on my jock sayin, 'man, we don't have time for the ladies' you know what i be screamin brutha can't get no booty brutha cant' get no- brutha can't get no booty... wooo! brutha can't get no booty now nothing against my homies but when i'm all mackin and all they want to do is play veedeo games i look up to the sky, raise my hands and say yow! brutha can't get no booty brutha can't get no- brutha can't get no booty... wooo! brutha can't get no booty
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checklist for a weight-loss commercial we need a pair of pants too big in the waist and maybe some footage of a 3-legged race and you could take that footage and you could put it in slow-motion that way the footage has more emotion and we need some graphics of a body getting skinny and we could probably use a new lawyer, a new accountant, a new attorney and there's some other things we'll probably need like paper towels, a teleprompter, a helicopter ...and maybe another helicopter and we need some californians named jerry and pat and we need those californians to talk about how they used to be really fat and we need the blue blockers guy to freestyle rap and i'm kind of sleepy, so i think i'll take a nap shit
damn the hog blockers 3-2-1- racing around, chasing down a bunch of big ole sweaty hogs (i told you once) you've got to stay low to the ground if you want to catch that hog i've got the mailman in my corner and the dollar signs in my eyes also: a booklet of stamps a nickel short of a 5-spot so if you want to mess with me you'll have to take down 3 hogs and the mailman and don't count on him not throwing your mail away and don't count on me giving a damn so if you don't want your mail anymore and you've got the courage, the determination, the reflexes, the wit, the 20/20 vision, the charms blow pop™, and the prestige necessary to rassle 3 sweaty hogs to the ground, bring it on
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danna nanna na [counting from 1 to 100 in roman numerals]
do you like dudes who like to take naps? baby, i'm gonna rock you into outer space, ooooooh and then i'm gonna bring you down real slow for a nice, smooth landing girl, you make me want to look at you for an extended period of time but girl, when you look at me, you make me want to look away and look down at my feet but if i were half as good at talking to ladies as i am at taking naps (watch out baby) you'd be mine you'd be mine you'd be mine, ooooooooh one day, baby, you'll be mine
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| flash man
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gary busey toulouse lautrec bit my hand and then he painted my portrait and it was nice so i said to him, "oh yeah" all right gary busey punched me in the face and it hurt like a bastard aww horseshit
greased jesi, party of 2 me and mikey walked right into a restaurant along came a guy in a suit and an apron he said, 'what will it be today?' 'non smoking' so we started walking toward a booth he said, "oh no! stop right there! you're going to wait in the lobby by the restrooms until we say 'hey, greased jesi, party of 2'" so we sat down in a long, cushioned bench and i clasped my hands, looked at the pay phone, and said, 'hey mikey-' but he stopped me there 'no, not today, jones. all i want is some food' 'that's all good,' i said. so we mellowed out and sat there and waited for them to say, 'hey, greased jesi, party of 2' so we finally got to a table the waiter asked what we wanted to drink i said, 'coca-cola classic' so the waiter said, 'will pepsi be ok?' i said, 'bitch! that guy over there ordered the meatloaf... do you suppose the shrimploaf would be ok?' John Quincy Adams: GREASED JESI, PARTY OF 2!
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| gunslingers,
swashbucklers, filthy filthy fig farmers
staying out late, rocking with the boys shaking the babies when they make the noise 30 degrees out, wanking the town stripping to our skivvies and lying on the ground because we're hard hitters we're swashbucklers we're hog blasters we're american gunslingers rocking karaoke night, cooling with the boys meet willie bigtop and his army of toys one am, pass the scooter surf round up the boys and bust out the nerf rocking the street football it's pitch black fake the handoff to ryan and throw the long ball to mac because we're bug zappers we're ghostbusters™ we're slam dunkers we're rock-end-roll gunslingers
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| helicopter jones's
theme
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i put the sham in the shamma lamma ding dong i put the sham in the 'shamma lamma ding dong' i put the jam in the 'pump up the jam' it's all in a day's work so no need to thank me i wrapped it all up and took this s.o.b. to the bank, g.
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jack payback he's got a 357 that's cobalt blue officer jack payback just turned 32 jack payback, he won't talk jack payback will clean your clock, yeah jack payback: a man on a mission jack payback, he won't talk just a warning to all you kids now jack payback will clean your clock he's got a 357 it's cobalt blue you better watch your back, jack payback or i'll go crazy on you with my nightstick named jerry and my flashlight named keith you can call me mary but don't expect to keep your teeth
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jetpack vacation i've got a cough i cant stifle and a rifle i can't auction off because to tell you the truth i've got a tooth for each day of the month i've got a cowboy hat with a monkey on top and a monster in my backpack and if you look at me funny, you'll be feeling the wrath of both naaa naa na naaa naaa naa na naaa na naaaa naaa naa na naa naa naa naaaaaa naaa naa na naaaaa there's a couple of people walking down the hall in floodpants and it's raining outside so i guess it makes sense minus the sweatshirts and flip flops yesterday i went outside on my porch were a couple of guys they thought i was carlton fisk in disguise i said, 'hey, those are some nice ties you're wearing, boys but they don't call me bobby "jetpack" sweatpants for nothing'
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jimmy buffett can smoke himself straight to hell i don't know much about the heartland i don't know much about the heartlaaaand i don't know much about the heeeaaartlaaaaand and maybe it's just as well but the one thing i do know yes sir, the one thing i do know is that jimmy buffett can smoke himself straight to hell i once met a girl when i went to school she said, 'jimmy buffett is pretty cool' i said, 'i don't know about that' i said, 'i've never been to margaritaville, but as far as i can tell, that guy jimmy buffett can smoke himself straight to hell'
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jojoj johnson's theme in the park flying my pokémon kite in the dark with a jar of miracle whip lite® yeah at the zoo watching the elephants i saw you so i dropped my pants and ran i dropped my pants and ran kickin round the house, watchin the ballgame eatin cheese sticks, drinkin sarsaparilla washed up on a street corner eatin raw velveeta, drinkin mustard juice doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doooo doo doo doo doo doo doo dooo dooooooo dooo
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lovely shirts there cannot possibly be this much crime in hawaii, but somehow i've seen it all i drive around in this borrowed ferrari and i get to wear all these lovely, fancy hawaiian shirts i drive around in this borrowed ferrari and i get to wear all these lovely, fancy hawaiian shirts
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mr. Goodparty. Paging mr. Goodparty. mr. goodparty, won't you come to my house? mr. james a. michener, what do you have to say for yourself? we've got ice cream and a balance beam and before i seem to out-skyhook kareem let's start the party we've got nachos and punch and mr. cap'n crunch on the banjo if you're looking for lunch, we sell bananas by the bunch in the dojo so mr. goodparty, where do you think you're going? mr. goodparty, where do you think you're going? mr. goodparty, won't you come on down to the dojo and rock my shit mr. goodparty, won't you come down to the dojo and rock my shit mr. goodparty, won't you come on down to the dojo and rock my shit mr. goodparty, won't you come down to the dojo and rock my shit
alternate chorus: mr. goodparty, won't you come on down to the dojo for goodness sake mr. goodparty, won't you come down to the dojo for birthday cake mr. goodparty, won't you come on down to the dojo and iron my pants mr. goodparty, won't you come down to the dojo and teach me to breakdance
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on the road to nicestacheville i'm on the road to nicestacheville i've got my guitar on my back i've got a suitcase full of maps and pears and sandwiches at a leisurely pace, i know it's not a race it's not a race and tom selleck will be there and clark gable will be there and aryn dalton will be there and one day i'll be there and burt reynolds will be there and steve harvey will be there and alex trebek will be there and one day i'll be there
pin*bot vs. robo-jesus i ran outside when i heard the explosion right into the middle of the robo-commotion laser beams and missiles whizzing by my head that's when i realized i should have stayed in bed pin*bot was downtown watching the cock fights robo-jesus busted in and turned on his search light pin*bot turned around wearing an angry robo-frown, shifted into overdrive, and knocked a wall down robo-jesus bolted for the door
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| presidential
sideburns
andrew jackson, how you been? i like those sideburns check that, i love those sideburns andrew jackson, yeah yeah yeah andew jackson, our love will never last because you're a dude and most likely an ass those sideburns are no james k. polk or martin van buren presidential sideburns for the kids presidential sideburns
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punk rock chess punk rock chess it's the game for kings and queens and knights and wear your dress if you play like a girl, you might as well look like one surely you jest i'm always serious when it comes to punk rock chess punk rock chess you say my music's crap i guess that's fair you like gangsta rap and i don't care
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| [spanish
thing]
i wish i had 2 dimes for every nickel of yours 2 limes for every pickle of yours that's all i have to say i wish i had 2 dimes for every nickel of yours 2 limes for every pickle of yours that's all i have to say you want to fight? you want to fight?
surf's up, shithead where will you be when school gets out? i know where all the cool kids will be they'll be with me shithead, get your ass to the beach shithead, get your ass to the beach oh, no! rockin the surf like cosmonauts packin more rock than a jocksock karate kicks and high fives flying pretty boys on the beach crying as we're riding the waves and white collar spying i could say we don't rock, but i'd be lying shithead, get your ass to the beach shithead, get your ass to the beach
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| the holiest egg nog
I've ever seen
if there were one beverage suitable for kings said beverage could only be egg nog so look both ways before you cross the street and tiptoe past the periwinkles one time i saw the face of the virgin mary in my egg nog glass one time i drank a whole gallon of egg nog i swear i saw her face i saw it with my own eyes, with my OWN EYES i saw it with my own eyes
the worst drummer ever See,
he's got duct tape on his drums.
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| to sara
this is a song about me and my man mac wolf but mostly about you i see you have a danelectro well baby, i do, too oooooh, baby, you're so sweet oooooh, baby, you sweep me off my old skool reebok (propét velcro) covered feet when you look at mac and me we feel kind of funny, in a special way you know, i think i like you more than ice cream and money and that's hard to say oooooh, baby, i'm getting all hot and bothered thinking about you oooooh, baby, come join me by the fireplace and watch the a-team with me oooooh, baby, you're so sweet oooooh, baby, you're so sweet
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| to sara pt. 2
if i were a pirate, i'd tell you you're a very pretty girl if i weren't such a pansy, i'd let you know you rock my world i wish you'd start hanging out with me (and mac) i wish you'd be my special lady god damn, i wish i had a moustache too bad i look like peter brady if i had a dollar, i'd buy you a ninja turtles ice cream bar if i had a moustache, i'd tell you what a rockin chick you are god damn, i wish i had a jumbo jack i wish you'd be my valentine god damn, i wish i had a moustache god damn, i wish i had a spine
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where's your congressman now, scottie? they say that breakfast is the most important meal of the day you never tried to prove them wrong you'd eat your oatmeal and they'd pour the milk on it they didn't want you to burn your tongue you could say i think that you took advantage of them but you wouldn't listen oh no, you wouldn't listen oh scottie, who's going to bail you out now? now that your congressman's been voted out of office, who's going to cut the bananas for your corn flakes™? oh scottie, what are you going to do now? i think that federally sweetened coffee is a privilege we all wish that we had scottie, when are you going to learn that all the things that we normal people do each day are not quite as troublesome as you thought? some people like money some like vegetables not you, oh no, not you bill gates has monetary wealth emeril could cook a vegetable soup but you'd have far more wealth than either of those men if you could gauge wealth in female acquaintances oh scottie, who's going to bail you out now? now that your congressman's been voted out of office, who's going to cut the bananas for your corn flakes™? oh, scottie, what are you going to do now? i think that federally sweetened coffee is a privilege we all wish that we had scottie, when are you going to learn that all the things that we normal people do each day are not quite as troublesome as you thought?
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