(*we* as in the Lord of the Rings class of Cal, Spring 04)
Group 1
TB: Gandalf, old friend. I haven't seen you in 1500 years. Where's that $20 you owe me?
G: No old friend it is you who owe me $20.
TB: Oh, Ho ho. So it is. What brings you to my woods?
G: The Southfarthing is not producing any pipe weed fit for a wizard! Curse that Saruman. Might I borrow a bowl of yours?
TB: Sure, you know I grow the best stuff! Come back to my patch. How much do you need?
G: Well, I do feel the need to make up for all the months that I have had to go without, so I'll just take as much as I can get from you and make up for that lost time. So how have things worked out with that girl I set you up with? Whats her name?
TB: Goldberry is quite well in fact. But lets get back to the weed. It has been so long since I had someone to smoke withK Goldberry won't let me. Never get married Gandalf.
G: Speaking of that, I found your wedding ring on my travels, turns out those hobbits had it the whole time.
TB: So thats how they repay me for saving them from the barrow wight? I say its time to leave M.E. and let these mortals deal with Sauron.
G: Haven't you heard? We destroyed the ring and are leaving.
Group 4
Gandalf: Hows 'it goin', Tommy Boy?
Tom: Not too bad Big G. How about you?
Gandalf: Well, killed some orcs, crowned the king, traveled with some high elvesK not much reallyK
Tom: That sounds really interesting. It's been king of boring here. Just me and Goldberry chilling next to the tree.
Gandalf: Cool, man. Goldberry is hella fine.
Tom: Hey, watch it there. She's mine.
Gandalf: Don't worry, Tommy, that's just the pipe talkin'. So, as you probably know, Sauron just got his ass whooped again. What are you gonna do now? You gonna stick around in Middle Earth?
Tom: So that little hobbit really did it huh? No more evil villains to fight, so I guess I'll just sit here and smoke out. What else is there to do?
Gandalf: I don't knowK I need to get my hair straightened again. It's getting frizzy from all the traveling.
Tom: I think Goldberry and I will just stick around a little longer, see if there are any more bad guys. And, yeah, your hair is out of wack.
Gandalf: Goldberry is hella fine.
Group 5:
Gandalf: How's it going Tom?
Tom: Do you smoke the hooka?
Gandalf: Fo shizzle my Tom Bombadizzle!
(Start smoking together)
Tom: So how did the whole ring thing go?
Gandalf: Pretty good. Speaking of rings... when is Sam going to propose to Frodo?
Tom: No way! Sam is wearing the dress in that relationship.
Gandalf: It's ok. Its the 15th century*. Whoa! Who's that?
Tom: That's my secretary. Why?
Gandalf: Is she impressed by large staffs?
Tom: She likes big wood... like Ents, you know?
Gandalf: Damn. I always fall for fairies.
*Typist's note: What the heck?? 15th century? It is the fourth age!
Group 6
Gandalf: "Whats up, Tom."
Tom: "Goldberry sleeping with one of the Barrow-wights."
G: "Better than sleeping with Gollum(chuckle). You do know the ring was destroyed don't you?"
T: Which ring? Do you mean this, the one I took from Frodo?
G: SHIT! (rides off)
Group 7
G: What's up Tom? (Bud voice)
T: What's up G-money?
G: Not much - you know - saving world & all. Killed a Balrog. Saved the world. Did my stuff. Oh yeah - I died. You missed my funeral.
T: Oh snap - you died? Dude- that's sweet.
G: Not as cool as it sounds man. All my body parts were taken off & put back in different order. I became an albino. I was abducted by Valar. They took tissue samples.
T: Dude - you've been hitting the pipeweed too much. Wrong genre bud - we're not Sci Fi.