About Me......
After being discovered in a cave at the age of 9 by Mr T, on one of his frequent pot holeing expeditions, I was raised by my mother,Who told me that my father had been a marine that had been sent back through time to protect my mother from a cyborg intent on changing the course of history, he succeeded in protecting my mother but was killed soon after when he was hit by a milk float. My mother and I were sold into slavery where my quick reflexes were exploited by our evil boss, a lizard like creature who forced me to race donkeys in the big Allonby race.
Me aged 9 and a 1/2
Me aged 11
Later in my life we moved to California, my mother, brother and I. where my brother was turned into a vampire by Kiefer Sutherland, Which I thought was a bit of a cliche but what the hey. My mother was then killed by an alien, that as far as I could tell came to earth to hunt for trophies. My mother was killed by this alien and had her skull but on display in the aliens living room.
Heres a pic from my family Album
My Brother after defeating the evil Kiefer Sutherland, turned back to normal and Joined the U.S.C.M.C (united. States Colonial Marine. Corps) and was sent into space to battle some aliens that had taken over this colony or something.I was taken in by a foster family.A few days later my brother returned from having ran away during the early stages of the mission so no-one noticed he was gone, Every thing was fine for a couple of days, laughing, drinking, talking of memory's passed, And then this thing burst out of his stomach and ran away. Naturally we burried my brothers corpse in the back garden and pretended nothing had happened.
One of my Brothers Photo's
The next day we found the creature but this time it was not so small it was 6 feet tall and had claws and big pointy teeth so we locked it in a cupboard and hoped it died. Later that evening my hand was possesed by evil (Im so sick of that happening , arn't you?) So I did the only thing someone who had seen Evil Dead 2 would do and went into the shed looking for a chainsaw, but unfortunitely we didn't have one so I had to improvise, Mainly by cutting it off with a rusty hacksaw 2 hours later I had a hacksaw taped to my stump and was battling the evil woods which had came alive to retrive the book of the dead from my shed (dont know why it was in my shed ??) Any way the Evil won and the Apocolypse was at hand , and it was then that I ran out of crazy idea's so ...lets just say...Hmm...the world ended and I was the only one who survived....Besides you of course......
My hero ASH, cutting off his hand.
Me when the world ended....Dont you remember it...Think harder.............Of course it happened ...you dont think im making this up do you ??