2000 Week 12 Letter from the Commish

OFFL	`Omaha Fantasy Football League` "Go deep, I'll throw it!"
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Wow, you know it's been a long week or two when you fail to realize your own team still has a shot at the playoffs. But that's how it's been lately. Yours truly has completed a recent move, started school to get a new degree (e-business) after researching and determining offerings and pay plans, been negotiating the future of his position with his future employer and, most recently, been given a near heart attack moments ago when suddenly realizing that loading Office 2000 onto your hard drive in the middle of the night also means loading Front Page 2000 and coming face to face with an application I've never seen before. After confirming that all the web pages were still safe and sound (whew!!), the Commish finally takes a breath long enough to turn his attention to some league business.

To begin, thank you to Joe for pointing out that his "not quite flat" Retreads still have a little tread left in them after all. This is turn caused the Commish to stumble onto the fact that his own beloved but bedeviled Mystics still have a little life in them as well despite what that voodoo bitch has been doing these past eight years and past 2 weeks. So, the wildcard picture is not as clear cut as once thought. If the Commish is to retire, aah, wouldn't it be grand(e) to go out on top? Wait a second, what am I thinking? This is the team that lost a playoff game on the 3 yard line, had one loss and one tie this season due to defensive scores; a team that...ah, never mind. Even I get tired of talking about it. Well, let's get to it, then, shall we? What I'm sure everyone really wants to know are all of the playoff scenarios. And brother, are there plenty of them.

This much is known. The King of Dogs are in the dance. Congratulations to Jim Rady's team. They managed to come off of a 2-13 record (0-6 in the division) and a feeble production of 302 points scored, to rebound in Y2K with a 9-4-1 record entering Week 15 and the luck that goes along with sharing a division with the Mystics (wouldn't you agree, Junior?). Interestingly, no team has won 10 games yet this season. Last season, we had three of them, including an 11 win team and a 12 win team. Alright, quiet down you Frankenstein-looking scaly green things. Like the '97 Mystics and '98 Retreads, it got you nowhere! Ah, that reminds me--look out Dogs. You may be next. But then again, here's where it gets interesting. The Dogs, despite a playoff berth already, cannot yet lay claim to the best league record. If the Mystics do the unimaginable and knock off the Dogs, the Swords and/or PMS could pick up their 10th victories of the season and tie for the best record. If that happened, the Swords would be declared #1 seed by virtue of the fact they'd capture the division on the tiebreaker. PMS would actually drop to the #4 seed and they'd square off in the rubber match in Round 1. Of course, if the Mystics win, it'll be a karmic sign that both the Swords and PMS WILL win.

We'll pick back up with the madness momentarily but let me pause to address the other simple scenario left on the board for Week 15. And that is in the Cheatem division. Simply put, the winner takes all the marbles while the loser takes a long walk home. Montezuma's Revenge (3rd season, no playoff berths) square off against the Greenback Iguanas (5th season, 2 playoff berths--by the way, thanks for choking away a berth in '97 guys. The one time you'd have helped me by getting in and you couldn't close the deal against Jeffrey and his Crawling King Snakes). The loser will have a record of 8-7 which won't buy a wildcard in 2000. At least, this division righted itself enough to field a team with a winning record by the time all was said and done. Of course, it could be said that even that was tainted because all the Snakes and Revenge had to do was beat up on the Nebraska School for the Deaf Highways (3-11) and the Omaha Home for Boys Clams (3-11) which, good God, at least they were able to do. I can almost see Woody Widtfeldt extending his fist as that Clemson player runs by, "Yeah? Well, I've got two, I've got two!"

Swords-win the division with a victory. Simple enough. If the Swords lose and PMS wins, the Swords drop into the quagmire that is known as this year's wildcard scenario. If the Swords AND PMS lose, there's a three way tie in the Dewey. But the Swords STILL win the division based on overall division record. Let's assume the Swords lose and PMS wins. The Swords would be tied with the Norris. If they are tied with no one else, they'd get the wildcard over the Norris based on division record (head-to-head would be 1-1). If they are tied with the Norris AND any other teams, division record must be thrown out. It would fall to total offensive points scored. If the Mystics are included in that group of three or more, they'd the most points unless some team scores about 100 points in Week 15. If the Mystics are not in that group but the Retreads are, the Swords have 509 points through Week 14, the Retreads 504 and the Norris 502. Of course, if the Norris beats the Swords, Coach Pedersen will be hoping it's by no more than 6 points or else the 5th tiebreaker kicks in (most points scored against teams involved in the tie). Here I must assume the powers of the Commisioner's seat to state that I will amend this 5th tiebreaker from "most points against the teams involved in the tie" to read, "Most AVERAGE points scored....". That way, we can account for the fact that some teams may have met twice while others met only once and it would penalize teams who can't count as many games into the total. I hope that makes sense. But believe me, it's more fair than how it's currently written. Oh, and the reason we didn't go to the 4th tiebreaker is because it's based on a tie within the division (most points scored in division games). On to PMS.

PMS wins the division with a victory and a Swords loss. PMS wins the wildcard with a victory and a Swords victory. In other words, PMS makes the playoffs one way or another with a win in Week 15. If PMS loses, they gain the wildcard if the Swords win and PMS both the Mystics and Retreads lose. They would gain the wildcard if tied with the Mystics. They lose the wildcard if they're tied with the Retreads. They lose the wildcard if they're tied with both the Mystics and Retreads.

The Retreads win the wildcard with a win, a Mystics loss, a PMS loss and a Norris loss. They'd miss the wildcard if the Mystics win no matter what anybody else does. They'll also probably miss the wildcard if in a three way tie with PMS and Norris because the tiebreaker would be total points. They currently trail PMS by 44 points.

The Mystics are in contention for a wildcard with a victory and one of the following combinations: a PMS loss and either a Norris or Retreads win; a PMS win with a Swords loss; or with losses by both the Swords and PMS regardless of what the Retreads do. Weird, huh? In one scenario, a PMS loss is good. In another scenario, a PMS win is good. In one of them, the Mystics need for their own division rival to do well while, in the other scenarios, it doesn't even matter what Coach Detwiler's team does. And yet another of looking at it is that, if the Norris wins, it doesn't matter to the Mystics what PMS does. At least a three way tie is created and the Mystics would win out on points.

The Norris make the playoffs only if they win AND PMS, the Retreads and the Mystics lose. If the Norris wins, PMS loses and only one other team loses (Retreads or Mystics), the Norris would have to outscore PMS by 47 or more points to capture the wildcard.

Now if you can figure all that out and keep track of it, you really outta be across the river counting cards or something. Until next week, good luck, and...