This story is for those of you old enough to buy lottery tickets in the state of California. If that aint you...see you when you're 18!!!
I know I don't own them, you know I don't own them... but can't we just pretend for a while? :)
Kathryn sat at the end of her couch. Her demeanor was perfect. Her hair was set, her pins in place, all four pips pressed neatly against her starfleet collar. Her uniform was crisp and new, as if she had taken the time to replicate a new one just for this occasion. Which she had. She was swallowing hard. Her heart beat slowly, but loud in her chest, echoing in her ears.
"You were way out of line today". Chakotay stood before her. He was dressed casually. He looked so good, and she was having trouble not staring at his...
"Yes ". Her response was stale, but he could tell he was getting under her skin.
"Yes what?"
"Yes I know." She waited for him to say something.
"You should really be more careful about what you do in public."
Her mind flashed back to the events of the day. The way her hand grazed over his as they shared a console. The way she had bent over and asked him to join her for lunch, knowing her breath was beating on his neck. The turbolift when she had purposely stepped too far back, pressing her bottom to his...
"I know." She responded dryly, but she knew her control was wavering.
"Then why do you do it Kathryn? Why do you bate me when you know you aren't going to follow through?"
She didn't answer him, she was fighting to keep her composure. The thoughts of her actions earlier kept running through her head. The thoughts of what she wanted him to do to her. He interrupted her train of though.
"Do you like it...being in control? Making me want what I can't have. Does that turn you on?"
She remained deathly still, but the ache between her legs was deepening, calling for her to acknowledge it. She knew he wouldn't drop it until he got the response he wanted...the truth. She was torn between feeding him some lie, and letting it all out. Letting him know the truth about all these years; how she had purposely been taunting him and then playing innocent. Her thoughts returned to the turbolift. They had been alone. She had let her hand bump his one too many times. And then Tuvok and Seven got on. She had pretended to make room for them. Overcompensating and stepping back against Chakotay. She knew her bottom was putting pressure on his manhood. It was delicious. She changed weight several times, feigning being tired, but she knew the friction was driving him mad. She felt him harden into her. His erection straining against the fabric of his uniform, pressing into her desperately. And then the next moment she was gone. She had gotten off at engineering, pretending she had to discuss some new warp changes with B'Elanna. It was feeble, but it had worked. And she had left him standing there, engorged in front of the two most sexually repressed members of the crew. She didn't mean for it to go so far. It was supposed to be just a little flirt.
Chakotay stepped closer to her. "Kathryn". There was no hint of anger or hurt in his voice. No, there was something else...desire. Cold, controlled desire, but desire none-the less. The kind of desire she had only imagined him to have on the Liberty, when he was still Maquis. When he was still able to do as he wanted, think as he wanted, and bed who he wanted. She imagined he was an amazing lover. Not that she imagined him often, or at least she tried not to...
"Do you like it Kathryn. Does it turn you on?"
The battle over what course of action she would take came to a grinding halt. She felt the blood rush to her face and across her cheeks.
"Yes". No matter how many times she played this game, she never ceased to be embarrassed.
"Get down on your knees".
She looked up at him for a brief moment and then her eyes slid down to the floor she was about to meet. Her body followed the lead. She felt exposed, naked despite her uniform. Slowly her bottom sank back against her heals. One hand rested on the coffee table for support, the other lay in her lap. Her breathing had increased and he silently noticed.
"You know it is only fair that we turn the tables for a while."
Her heart caught in her chest momentarily and she began to notice the rub of her uniform across her breasts.
"You've played with me a long time Kathryn. Not just played, manipulated for your own satisfaction. But we are going to rectify that tonight."
The pressure of her heals on her sex was driving her closer to complete submission. She could feel the captain floating farther and farther away, and her suppressed desire taking over.
"Every time you manipulated me you made a promise for something more. Promises you had no intention of paying for. You've acquired quite a debt over the years Kathryn, any ideas how you might pay it off?"
She shook her head meagerly.
"No? I think you do. Tell me, what were you trying to do to me all those times you teased and taunted? What exactly were you trying to do?"
She was already so aroused she was having trouble concentrating on what he was saying. The need in her body was building up.
"Tell me" he repeated.
"I wanted you to want to...I wanted to turn you on".
"How do you think I felt today in the turbolift?"
"I am sorry, I went to far."
"How do you think I felt?" He really wanted to know. Had she been oblivious to his feelings all along? He thought not. She knew exactly what she was doing.
"...Embarrassed...humiliated". Now it was her turn to feel embarrassed, for what she had done to him.
"You've crossed the line this time Kathryn. And I am calling you on it." It was something she had heard many times before.
"It's time for you to repay your debt."
"I don't know how". It was a lie, and a feeble lie at that.
"The way you promised me you would. The way you've wanted to all along. Take down your hair."
Her hands met the tangled tendrils and pulled clumsily at the pins that held them. She was drunk with arousal, painful and hot. She laid the pins down, one by one, on the coffee table. Her hair fell over her shoulders and she instinctively went to straighten it.
"Leave it" he moaned.
Her hands dropped reluctantly to her lap.
"Now take off your clothes for me. You can leave your bra and panties, but everything else goes."
She went to stand but he stopped her.
"No, on the floor. You can do it from the floor." She complied. She removed her jacket; her turtle neck and then finally pulled at the fabric of her tank top. The tightness of it caused her breasts to bounce as the fabric slid over her head. She had been ready for him. She was wearing a black lace bra. Definitely not star fleet issue. It encompassed her breasts, pushing them up, magnifying their swell. She sat on her bottom and slid the pants down under her. Her panties were barely enough to cover her mound. The see through black lace taunted him. After removing her boots and sock, she returned to her knees, partly because she loved the feel of kneeling here before him and partly to cover the noticeable wetness that had seeped through her panties.
He loved the look of her: beautiful, submissive, aroused. He wanted to pick her up, take her to her bed and make love to her like he had always dreamed. Later, he told himself. There was a debt to settle first.
"Tell me what you think about when you are alone, making love to yourself."
She never would have allowed this, under any other circumstances. But this is why she came here tonight. To admit the things she can't admit outside these walls.
"I imagine us making love, here in my quarters, in my bed". Well it was partially true. She was trying to be honest. After seven years alone, this was going to take a lot of practice.
"Don't lie to me Kathryn. You don't have to play the blushing bride tonight. Tell me."
"Ok." She paused for a moment collecting her thoughts. Hot and steamy images dancing in her brain. " I imagine you fucking me on the bridge. Right there in my chair so everyone can watch us."
"That's better. Now show me how you touch yourself when you're thinking about me fucking you on the bridge."
She inwardly sighed at the permission to relieve herself. Her hand tucked down into her panties, her fingers disappearing as they curled under her mound. She slid a finger in easily, her slickness waiting for her. She couldn't help her shoulders ragged bounce as she breathed hard through her mouth. It wouldn't be long until she came.
"That's enough". Chakotay hadn't realized how close she was, and he had other plans for her. As the fire between her legs spread to her belly Chakotay walked towards her grabbing her hand with his stilling it.
"I said that's enough. Tonight isn't for you." As he drew her hand out of her panties, he directed her wet finger to his mouth and sucked on it possessively. She was so turned on by the gesture that his comment almost escaped her.
"I need...Chakotay please..."
"You need what?" Now he was on his knees too, looking into her hungry eyes.
"I need...you"
"You need me to what?" He wanted to hear her say it, after all this time he wanted to hear her admit her desire.
"I need you in me, please". It was almost more than he could bear, hearing her beg him like that. It took everything he had not to turn her over and bury himself in her right then and there.
"How do you think I feel every time you run your skin over mine? Tonight you are going to beg me Kathryn. You are going to kneel and serve me unquestionably, unselfishly, just as I have served you for the last seven years."
Her rational mind reared again at the talk of work. Her voice was still ragged.
"Voyager. You served Voyager, not me". She regretted the statement immediately. She didn't want to make him mad. She wasn't ready to stop the game just yet. He laughed. A real hearty, disbelieving laugh.
"You really think so? You think I have been serving voyager all this time? No, no you don't. You are being coy Kathryn. Why else would you tease me so if I was just serving Voyager?"
He had her there and she knew it. He stood up in front of her trying to decide what he wanted next. His attention returned to her as he noticed her staring at the bulge in his pants.
"You want to feel me in your mouth Kathryn? You want to feel me bury myself in your mouth?" Her eyes darted up to his, her eyes icy black with desire.
"Yes." He was almost feeling guilty for what he was doing to her. Almost. Pay backs are a bitch.
"You want me to fuck your mouth Kathryn?"
"Yes...please". The level of desire in her voice was unimaginable. Chakotay never imagined her to be this submissive- ever. Even in his wildest dreams he had never gone here with her. He had always thought she wouldn't like oral sex, especially down on her knees like this. He relished in the feeling.
"Then do it." He removed his shirt as she reached for the clasp on his trousers. He was rather large, and she had to pull his pants down over his thighs to free his throbbing erection. She didn't wait for an ok from him. For a brief moment he considered making her wait for it just a little longer, but the feel of her hands on him and the thought of her mouth overrode all other thought. She cupped his balls hungrily with one hand and sank him into her mouth in one sweep. He could feel her lips tickling his hair, and her chin massaging his balls. He was going to blow any second now if he didn't focus. He thought about the task on hand. He needed to make her work for all the times she had purposely driven him crazy, and he was going to. His hands wound their way around her head into her hair. He began pumping her. Not as hard as he could have, but enough to let her know what his intentions were. He was not going to treat her like some fragile virgin, not tonight. She met his thrusts and wrapped her hands around his thighs. He couldn't take it any longer. The idea of Kathryn holding him in her mouth, loving him with her tongue sent him over the edge and he exploded in her mouth. When Kathryn felt the sticky hot slime in the back of her throat, she felt a sudden rush of power. Power at what she could do to him. It almost made her laugh, but she began swallowing instead. She had never been a swallower in her past, but it felt good to swallow Chakotay. She wanted him to feel her, to feel no one else could ever compare to her.
For a moment it was Chakotay's turn to beg. "Kathryn, you feel so good. You have no idea how much I love you". She slid him out of her mouth, swallowing one last time to clear her throat.
"Then show me" she growled.
"You always get the last word don't you". He smiled.
"I try". She was being cocky now, and he suddenly remembered why he was here. But despite her efforts to seem in control again, he noticed her thighs were glistening with her juices that had flowed uncontrollably just seconds before. Removing the rest of his clothing he crouched in front of her.
"Show me how you please yourself again."
Her hand returned to her panties.
"Wait. Show me your breasts."
Her fingers found the clasp behind her back easily, pulling gently until the material slid down around her arms and over her hands to the floor. "Show me how you play with your nipples".
She obliged. Her index finger and thumb pinched each nipple slightly. Twirling them, tugging them ever so. Her desire was climbing. She wanted his mouth to replace her fingers, but he wouldn't.
"Do you like touching yourself Kathryn".
"Yes." She sighed.
"More than you like the idea of me touching you."
"No. I want you to touch me". It was soft and truthful and everything he had ever dreamed about hearing. He couldn't torture her like this anymore.
"Here my love let me." He knelt in front of her and pulled her panties down to her knees. She sat back on her bottom momentarily to allow the black lace to fully be removed. He helped her back to her knees. It was everything he could do not to pull her to him and simply hug her all night long. But there would be time for that later. He pushed her thighs open, giving him access to her dripping mound. He sank two fingers into her folds, and she whimpered at the feel of him in her, even if it was only by his hand. The sight of her was building his arousal once more, and his erection darted out toward her belly, straining to reach it. He began pumping his fingers into her, hard enough to drive her crazy with lust, but shallow enough to keep release just out of reach. He was very careful to avoid the bundle of nerves above his fingers as they slid back and forth. She was repeatedly whimpering now. She sounded like an animal in heat and Chakotay thought he had never heard such a beautiful sound in his life. He wanted to make her cum. He knew it wasn't apart of the game, but he couldn't play this game anymore. It was killing him to watch her desire go unfulfilled. Seven years in the delta quadrant and he knew she hadn't had good sex at least that long. Knowing the type of man that Mark was, it had probably been longer. A tear ran down her face at the anguish of her need for release.
"Please Chakotay...please...fuck me. I'll do anything...please."
His hand came to an abrupt stop, sliding out from within her. This time he brought his fingers to her mouth and she welcomed them in. She was so much more daring than he ever thought she would be. He stood and walked behind her. His hand pushed gently on her back, egging her on to all fours. Her legs were spread wide in anticipation. He hesitated, looking lovingly at her folds. Taking in the sight of them before him. She began rocking back and forth out of frustration and desire. He grabbed her hips with his hands and steadied her as he brushed the tip of his cock against her. He heard her whimper again. H was teasing her. But he had every intention of fulfilling the promise.
" Do you whimper like this for all your lovers Kathryn".
If she had any control, she would have sunk down onto him, made him fill her. But the position and his strong hands on her thighs made her wait and so she answered.
"No Chakotay." They were as close to words of love that he was going to get, at least while her mind was so focused on release.
"Then why are you now?" He was gently putting pressure on her sex and then easing off. Rhythmically mimicking what was to come once he was inside her.
"I've never wanted it so bad. No one has ever made me want it so bad."
"No one? Not even Mark?"
"No. Please Chakotay I need it now!" The tone in her voice was so pleading, so utterly out of control.
"Soon enough my love. Just a minute more." He bet Mark didn't even know what he was doing. "Was it good? Did you enjoy him fucking you Kathryn?" It was an honest question, but he already knew the answer.
"I tried. I tired but he couldn't..."
"He couldn't what?
"He couldn't make me...cum".
He had never expected to hear that! Kathryn Janeway had never even had an orgasm with her fiancé'! He was done playing this game. He was going to satisfy her if it was the last thing he did! He plunged into her with one hard stoke. He heard her yelp at the unexpectedness of it. He didn't hold back. He thrust himself into her again and again with all his might. He could feel how deep he was reaching, her womb egging him on to pump her full of him. He had barely made five strokes and he could feel her inner muscles spasm around his cock. She was crying out his name and her arms threatened to give out from under her. He held her in place and continued on. He would be damned if he was going to stop at one orgasm with her. She would know sex like she never had before. He vowed it.
Kathryn was weak. She was tired and her body raked with the after effects of her orgasm. It took her a moment to realize that he was not through with her.
"Please Chakotay I can't take anymore."
"Yes you can my love you are just not used to it." He slowed down his pace at her request and then noticed the weakness in her limbs. If he wanted to give her more it would have to be another way. She could barely support her weight. He pulled himself from her and then maneuvered himself in front of her. She was out of it. Still recovering from the built up orgasm that had been held within her for so long. He picked her up. Not the romantic way you see in holonovels, but the way a parent picks up a child. Her arms around his neck, her legs wrapped around his waist. She was so limp against him he almost considered stopping for a moment. But the feel of her bottom hanging over his cock changed his mind. But he wouldn't ask anymore from her tonight, he would do all the work.
He sat her on the bed. She was more coherent now and was watching him hazily. He stacked several pillows together in the center of the bed, and the lay her over them on her stomach. It had always been his experience that women came better on their tummies. It allowed for much deeper penetration. He had purposely positioned her just right so that her clit would rub gently against the pillow as he rocked himself within her. He positioned himself behind her again, and this time allowed himself to make love to her. Not hurried, but the slow lovemaking he had always wanted to share with her. It was ecstasy. She was still so tight. The years of celibacy had left her perfectly taunt for his cock. If she hadn't been so wet he thought he wouldn't have been able to fit in her at all. But this was perfect.
His long gentle strokes were building her arousal again. He was so deep in her. She had never had a lover like this. She had never had sex like this. The gentle pressure on her nub was sending shivers of excitement down her thighs and she could feel the fire in her belly rising again. She needed more of him. "Harder Chakotay...harder". Her breath was ragged again. He let go of his restraint and allowed himself to pound her. Feeling his thighs slap against her and the tip of his cock meet her womb. He couldn't wait much longer. He reached his hand down around her thigh and began massaging her nub. The fire exploded in her as she cam e for a second time. The feel of her muscles spasming around him sent him over the edge, and he buried himself into her. Filling her with his cum. He couldn't hold back. He began to pour words of love onto her. He removed himself from her gently, laying with her in his arms he kissed the back of her neck breathing inaudable pleasures into her. It wasn't long before he was asleep with her in his arms.
About ten minutes later Kathryn had regained herself. She breathed hard and rolled out from Chakotay's embrace. It had been a while since she had sex like that. A couple of weeks at least. She wondered if she would ever grow tired of this. No, well maybe...years from now. She enjoyed him, something she could never do in real life. It wasn't just the sex either. She thought if she could she would trade a night making love to Chakotay over a lifetime of penance here in the holodec. But she couldn't do that. She rose and walked steadily into the livingroom.
Early on she realized she couldn't live anymore with the way things were between her and Chakotay. It felt so good to flirt with him, to know he wanted her. But she just couldn't escape the guilt over making him desire her so and then pulling back. She had intended the program to be a one time fantasy of the love she and Chakotay could have shared. But she wanted it to be real. As real as possible...so she made the choice to upload his personal files. But when she did, she found so much frustration over their relationship, or more accurately lack there of, that she had to give him something. Maybe it wasn't the real him, but it helped. Helped her actually.
She froze, staring off into space as she remembered the first time she activated him. That fist night she had tried to get his character to use her, to fuck her like a whore, but he wouldn't. He couldn't. He was still Chakotay, and he would never do that to her. So she had altered his program. Made him more agressive. And she did feel better after that night. Had felt like she had done her penance, paid for the crimes she had done him, all the pain she had caused him. But it wasn't true. Even in all her effort she knew it wasn't true. And the guilt began to change from denying him her love to giving her body to someone else: another him actually. As if the Chakotay she knew wasn't good enough. She felt herself become heavy as she sank to the floor.
. Oh, gods, how would he feel if he knew? Knew that she could give herself to a man who would use her like a whore, but not the one who would love her like a woman. She wanted to cry. She wanted to wipe it all away, all these mistakes she had been making. These mistakes that she couldn't seem to stop making. She buried her head in her hands as she sat on the living room floor. What was she doing? What was she going to do? How is it that she got here? She couldn't remember anymore... something about Chakotay...not wanting to hurt Chakotay. But her mind would no longer make coherent thoughts.
She couldn't live like this. She wanted Chakotay to love her. And to make love to her. She needed to feel that. To remember who she was before... before she had turned their love into this...sick game. Before she had perverted it with her touch. The tears started streaming down her face as she felt a new coldness suddenly fill her.
She wanted out. She wanted out of here. And for the first time she realized that she was afraid. Afraid of letting him love her. She didn't want to be afraid. She didn't want to feel this way anymore. She couldn't believe what had become of her. She was sobbing now. The captain of Voyager, sobbing in the middle of her quarters. No. These aren't even her quarters. Sobbing in the middle of the holodec at 0200 hours. Oh gods her life was ridiculous. And now she was lauging, giggling actually. Her life had become ludicrous and she had no actual recognition of exactly how that was.
Suddenly she felt stronger. Her fingers sought out the sprawled remminants of her uniform and collected them as if they were pieces of her soul that she could somehow fit back together. And then she braced herself as she stood on slightly shaken feet and made her was to the mirror on her desk. She teased her hair up and shrugged back on the outfit. Making sure everything was in place, she turned back to look at him once more sleeping in her bed. The sight melted her heart.
How she wished it could be. She wanted the real Chakotay. The one that slept like a child in his mother's arms. The chakotay that laughed with her, made sure she was eating, would always try Nelix's recipies first to spare her tastebuds. She could feel the warmth of a smile cross her face. It had been a long time since she had felt that. She wasn't sure her skin was accustomed to that sensation anymore. That would have to change, along with some other things. She needed to see him. To feel his arms around her, loving her. She needed to try.
"Computer, locate Commander Chakotay"
"Comander Chakotay is in his quarters"
She felt the pains of doubt in her stomach. What if he didn't want her after all this time? What if he knew what she was doing here on the holodec? What if he could never look at her the way he used to? She had never been so afraid in her life. So afraid to walk out those doors and find out the truth. But she had to. She couldn't live like this. She had to find a way out of here, of all this mess she had created. When had she become so...lost? She needed to find him, to find herself. She was determined now. Determined to make everything defferent. She marched toward the holodec doors. As they slid open her voice echoed through the hall.
"Computer, end program."