Author: Fai
Status: Complete
Spoilers: None
Category: Hurt/Comfort, Humor
Pairings: None
Season: Anytime with a shorthaired Daniel
Rating: PG
Content Warning: Some pencil and cup abuse. One naughty word.
Summary: Bit-O-Fluff
Authors Note: Pure, unadulterated fluff! Just got to thinking what a problem a bored Jack would be. Thanks Carrie, for both the challenge and the beta, there’s a line in scene three I added just for you! As always, this is a team piece. Feedback is always appreciated, printed, framed, read twice daily, thanked wildly for, cried over, and well, you get the picture.
~~ * ~~
Jack O’Neill was bored stupid. SG-1 had been back from their last mission for over a week and Fraiser still wouldn’t let them top side or back into the field. Sam had come back from the trip with a full-blown case of the sniffles. To hear Janet tell the tale, she was a card-carrying member of the Black Plague Club. Jack admitted the dread disease had set in while they were off world, but wasn’t convinced it was an otherworldly virus. It was however, enough for the good doctor to bully General Hammond into putting the mountain on lockdown until Carter stopped sneezing and she was convinced no heads would explode from an overabundance of alien phlegm.
Sam and Daniel had retreated to their offices, only coming out of their scientific havens for food and the mandatory prodding dictated by Doctor Quinn, Medicine Woman’s Mini Me. When not in a state of Kel’no’reem, Jack didn’t know what the hell Teal’c did. They’d spend some time in the gym and then the big Jaffa would disappear to lord only knew where. Jack suspected he was getting his fix of the bad tabloid trash he’d become addicted to but to be honest, he was afraid to ask. He had officially done all his paperwork and completed all his Colonel-esqe duties leaving him with only one sensible option; go annoy the crap out of Daniel.
He didn’t even try to keep the bounce out of his step or the whistle off his lips as he tread the familiar path to his friend’s office. Jack swung in, not bothering to knock or take notice of Daniel giving him a suspicious look as he announced his presence.
“Daniel, whatcha doing?”
“Working on translating the markings SG-4 brought back with them.”
“Weren’t you doing that yesterday?”
Suspicion gave way to irritation. “Yes, I was.”
“And the day before that?”
Irritation became outright annoyance and a curt, “Yes.”
“Come to think of it, wasn’t that…”
“Yes, Jack, it was. Did you want something?” Bingo, pursed mouth, full on glare and he would be willing to bet the pencil Daniel had in a choke hold was milliseconds away from being snapped in two.
“Me? No? Just wanted to make sure you were okay. You know, with Carter sick and you working so hard, just concerned with the well being of my team.” He may have laid it on too thick with that last part. He let the breath he’d been holding out as he saw Daniel’s shoulder drop just a bit and guilt flitter over his face. Oh yeah, he knew his archeologist.
“Oh, that’s…I’m fine. Thanks. You?”
“Fine, just fine,” Jack answered lightly. He started looking around the office, casually rolling back and forth on the balls of his feet. Daniel let his gaze go back to the pictures scattered all over his workspace, the guilt wearing off as he essentially dismissed the older man. Jack would have to play this just right or he could lose this round. Moving right up behind Daniel, he peered over his shoulder to look at the pictures of gibberish Daniel apparently found so fascinating.
He could feel the shoulders he was lurking around begin to tense. Dramatically, he let out a quiet sigh directly into the ear nearest him. The bent head bobbed back up and Jack saw the man’s eyes close briefly before they rolled open in his direction, eyebrows shooting up in question.
“Jack, was there something else you needed?” The pencil’s well-being was in danger once again.
“No. Just thought you might want to grab some lunch in the commissary.” He watched Daniel look between him and the work filling every square inch of his desk.
“Ah, no, I ah, need to get this done. Why don’t you ask Teal’c?”
If Teal’c had a penny for every time Carter and Daniel had offered him up as the sacrificial companion, he’d be the richest Jaffa on Earth. Well, okay, Teal’c already cornered the market on Earth, being the only Jaffa here, but that was beside the point. Jack had his part down cold and played it well. He sighed again a bit louder and plastered a good imitation of disappointment on his face.
“No, that’s okay. I’m not really hungry anyway.” He gently laid his hand on his stomach, implying it might not be feeling its best. Daniel didn’t respond with as much concern as Jack felt appropriate so he turned to leave the office with an exaggerated sniffle and a little cough at the end he knew was sheer brilliance. He stepped into the hall, pulling the door closed but leaving his hand on the knob and started the countdown.
One: Daniel turning back to his work, suddenly looking up as the sniffle and cough registered.
Two: Daniel frowning in worry that his CO may be infected with the dastardly alien bug.
Three: Same said CO had just shown care regarding his well being and he in turn had let said CO leave without so much as a goodbye.
Four: CO would now forget to eat and would become deathly ill and it would be all Daniel’s fault.
Five: Overwhelming remorse flooding his consciousness, prompting him to set a course toward the exit in the hope of catching CO before he had ventured too far.
Jack estimated Daniel was probably half way across the office. A smug look settled on his face as he whipped the door open for his guilt-laden archeologist, stopping cold as he heard and felt the loud smack of wood connecting with something solid. The thud of a body hitting the floor was unmistakable and he cringed, knowing what he would see before he had even cleared the threshold. Daniel lay sprawled on the floor, broken glasses next to his head, hand clamped solidly over one side of his forehead.
“Shit, Daniel. You had to skip one of the steps, didn’t you?” Jack exclaimed as he instantly dropped to his friend’s side.
Confused blue eyes looked at him behind the muffled, “Ow. What?”
“Never mind, just let me see.” He tried to pull the hand away, easily winning the battle with Daniel to keep it covered. Blood ran down towards his eye from a cut just above his left eyebrow. There was also a perfectly vertical line of bruising down his face where the edge of the door had caught him.
As Jack grabbed a roll of paper towel sitting next to the coffeepot, one thought dominated his attention, Fraiser is going to kill me.
~~ * ~~
Jack had become a living shadow. He had bustled Daniel off to the infirmary letting Janet cluck and tsk over him. The tally ended up at three stitches, a big white bandage to keep the wound clean and a stern browbeating for Jack as the line down the side of the young man’s face became ever clearer. Daniel, of course, insisted he was fine and had refused anything stronger than Tylenol. Reluctantly, Janet had sent him on his way with strict orders to rest and report if any dizziness or nausea set in. Since Jack knew he would heed neither caution, he appointed himself official keeper of the linguist and hadn’t let the man out of his sight for the last hour, much to Daniel’s intense and vocal displeasure.
“Jack.”
“Huh?”
“Would you please stop doing that?”
“What?”
“That!” Daniel waved a hand furiously in the air at him. Jack wanted to tell him that scowling at someone with a line drawn neatly down your face really lost its effectiveness but he didn’t think now was the best time. Luckily, Teal’c and Carter chose that moment to stop in for a visit. Jack saw Sam hesitate just a bit as she noticed Daniel cussing out Jack with his eyes. As usual, Teal’c ignored the tussle and addressed why they had come.
“DanielJackson, we heard of your injury and came to inquire about your health. Are you well?”
Daniel gave Jack one last glare before turning to his new guests, softening considerably. “I’m fine, Teal’c, it’s nothing.”
Jack finally noticed Sam was biting her lower lip, trying not to laugh and knew exactly what was behind it. If he didn’t feel so guilty about it, he’d be having a field day with line face boy himself.
“Oh, Daniel. That looks…painful.” She was really, really not hiding her amusement very well.
“Careful, Carter. He’s a bit cranky right now,” he warned.
The ineffective scowling was back and pointed at him. “I am not.”
He couldn’t help it. “Are too.”
“Am not.”
“Are.”
“Not…Jack. You hit me with a door, broke my glasses and have been hovering around me humming the theme from Hawaii Five-O for the last forty-five minutes. Don’t you have anything better to do?”
He noted that Carter had thrown in the towel and had a huge grin plastered all over her face. Teal’c seemed to be enjoying his current predicament as well. So much for showing support for your leader.
“Hawaii Five-O? Really? Even the horn solo?” was all Jack could manage.
Crossing his arms over his chest, Daniel slumped down in defeat and turned back to Sam and Teal’c. “How are you feeling, Sam?”
This time, she seemed to be smiling for a completely different reason. “Good, actually. Janet said if no one else gets sick, the lockdown will be over by the end of the day.”
“That’s great.” Daniel got up and headed to the coffeepot and Jack saw his chance to redeem himself. He hurried over to pour the scalding liquid into one of Daniel’s jumbo sized cups, nearly running the man over in the process. Daniel snagged the cup only to have Jack clamp down on the other side of it, leaving the two men at an impasse.
“I can carry my own cup.”
“Head injury, might spill.”
“Jack!”
The two men stood toe to toe, battling for ownership of the mug and its bitter black payload. Sam and Teal’c had moved together, exchanging a knowing look not lost on Jack. All right, he could be the bigger man. Abruptly, he let go of the mug, conceding to Daniel’s will and watched as the sudden lack of resistance caused the winner of the battle to fling the scorching contents up and over. Horrified, Jack stood by helplessly as a refreshment suddenly became a flaming missile, elegantly arcing over Daniel’s shoulder headed for ground zero. Unfortunately, ground zero at the moment was his two innocent bystanding teammates.
Both jumped backwards in surprise but not nearly quick enough to avoid the collision of fluid with skin. The blistering brew rained down, coating Teal’c’s right forearm and catching the outside of Sam’s upper left arm. Jack saw a look of shock run over the Jaffa’s face as he shook his inflamed arm, trying to expel the smoldering remnants that dripped casually down his arm. Sam had yelped and was clutching the violated area, blinking wildly and gritting her teeth. Daniel dropped the cup, grabbed the paper towels from earlier and jumped to their assistance while Jack stood rooted to his spot, transfixed by the bedlam he had once again created. All he could do was stare in alarm and think, Fraiser is really going to kill me.
~~ * ~~
Jack had been wandering aimlessly around the halls of the SGC for just under an hour. He was hoping to give his team a little time to cool off, no pun intended. Janet had deemed the burns minor and released both Carter and Teal’c with some ointment and light gauze wrapping. Nevertheless, the rumor mill appeared to have deemed him the machete-wielding maniac of Cheyenne Mountain. All personnel he had encountered on his meanderings had given him a very wide berth. He decided it was time to face the music and headed to where he knew his team would be.
This time he knocked lightly before opening the office door and sticking his head in. Just as he expected, the trio was huddled around Daniel’s desk. All activity stopped and three heads swiveled in his direction at his intrusion. Tough crowd, he thought as he inched his way into the room.
“Hey, guys.” Ignoring the fact no one responded, he cautiously moved closer to the group. In his path lay the shattered remnants of the mug and a small puddle of deceptively innocuous looking brown liquid. Some smartass had drawn a chalk outline around it in the shape of a coffee cup, creating a glaring accusation against him for the crime of mug murder. He wondered idly if he could plead it down to mug manslaughter. Brushing that thought aside, he quickly stepped over the mess heading for that all-purpose paper towel once again intent on erasing all traces of the evidence.
“Let me just clean this up.”
“Jack!”
“Sir!”
“O’Neill!”
Jack stopped in mid stride at the united outburst. He looked up to see two sets of wide blue eyes pinning him in place and one set of stern brown frowning his way.
“O’Neill, we are in agreement you should refrain from handling any potentially harmful items until after the confinement to the mountain has been lifted. DanielJackson has already made a request to maintenance to remove this…hazard.”
Okay, that hurt. “You’re telling me I can’t touch anything? But Daniel was… And the door thing was… Fine. That’s just fine. I can take a hint.” Holding his arms up in surrender he stepped back a few steps, hoping they would see how deeply wounded he was by such reaction.
Blues eyes widened further and he saw Teal’c reach out a hand just a fraction before he felt the crunch of ceramic mug beneath a boot that was all too soon out from under him. As the floor rushed up and darkness pulled him in, he knew for sure this time, Fraiser really is going to kill me.
~~ * ~~
Jack could hear the hushed voices on the other side of the curtain, he just couldn’t believe what they were saying. He recalled coming to in the infirmary with a nasty little bump on the back of his head and his worried team surrounding him. They had all displayed the appropriate amount of guilt, even Teal’c, and then he’d contentedly gone back to sleep at Janet’s insistence. And now this.
The world did a spinning little loop-de-loop as he sat up and pushed the makeshift wall out of the way. The abrupt interruption caused Doctor Janet to jump and shoot a guilty little look at Sergeant Siler who stood his ground, the picture of calm. Ruffled, Janet rushed to his side, uncharacteristically stammering.
“Oh, ah, Colonel. You’re up. I thought you were resting.”
“I can see that. Let me get this straight, Sergeant,” he said stressing the man’s rank not so subtly. “Did I hear you say you had taken bets on how close together SG-1 would be injured?”
Siler met his eye without hesitation. “No, sir. We took bets on how close together SG-1 would be injured while not off world.”
“Great, I think I won,” Sam said coming up behind the two. Jack noted Teal’c and Daniel had appeared as well and were giving her the same appalled look he was. She moved to look in the book the Sergeant was holding and pointed to an entry. “See, right there. S.C. within 24 hours.” Her smile fell as she looked at her stunned teammates. “What? It was bound to happen sooner or later.”
Sergeant Siler cleared his throat to call their attention. “Actually, Major, someone else beat you. G.H. had within 5 hours.”
“G.H.?” She asked.
They all pondered a few minutes before Daniel finally ventured his guess. “George Hammond?”
“That’s GENERAL Hammond.” They all started at the stern voice that had joined them.
Jack couldn’t believe this. He put a hand on his chest, hurt reflected on his face. “Et tu, General?”
“Colonel, a man only makes general by knowing his people. Well. Now if you’ll all excuse me, I promised once lockdown was over, I’d take the grandchildren to the movies. Thanks to you, we’ll be able to get the jumbo popcorn, with butter.”
As the general walked away from the surprised group, Jack wondered if this day could get more aggravating. “Ahh choo!”
Had he just done that? A second sneeze quickly confirmed it. The general had stopped and everyone was staring at him like he’d just sprouted antlers. “What?” Janet was already ordering blood work as everyone’s faces clearly displayed their disappointment. Aw crap. The rest of the team moved away in resignation, leaving Jack alone to plead his case.
“Oh, come on, Doc! It’s just Carter’s cold! Janet!”
~Finis
