• El Cid's sword
• Mysterious "Express Train" print from Currier & Ives
• Delft China
• Priceless frame on worthless watercolor painting
• What was the Civil War?
• I have a replication of the constitution, how much is it worth?
• A St. Louis Cardinal baseball player named Mike...
• Coin with the Spanish word "plata" on its face which needed to translate into the English "platinum."
• First Edition "Gone with the Wind"
• Origin of the phrase "Kilroy Was Here"
• British United Clock Corporation
• German Pianist and instructor, Adolf Ruthardt
• English painter and collector, Sir Thomas Lawrence
• When were the mid 1800's?
• Roman Coins
• Norman Rockwell's 100th anniversary of baseball
• Is the GOP Republicans or Democrats?
• NASCAR Winston Cup driver, Sterling Marlin, autographed T-shirt
• Incolay
• Seth Thomas Clock Corporation (A division of General Time Corp)
• Rev. Edmund J. Lee (author)
• John White, Explorer and (more importantly) Cartographer
• The North Carolina Collection (John White continued)
• Galen Young, Basketball Player and future American Icon.
• W.J. Rolfe and his dear brother, John.
• W.G. Clark, Editor, scholar, man of God?
• Dumb-Ass Coca Cola tray
• When were dry good scales invented? We don't know but you can buy new ones here.
• Is French the same as English?
• When were torches invented?
• The Blue Onion China pattern mistaken for a company
• When was Theodore Roosevelt born and can I get an amen?
• What does autobiography mean?
• Who made school furniture in the 1800's?
• I have the census from 1910, isn't that a long time ago?
• When were schools invented?
• When were records invented?
• What size is the 78rpm and 33 1/3 rpm and and how fast is the speed is 16 inch records?
• Could you please explain everything about the census to me twice, please?
• An old worthless copy of Mark Twain's Huckleberry Finn.
• Majolica Pottery
• Wedgewood Pottery
• When did New Hampshire become a state and when is they coin coming out?
• Who is Mark Wallace?
• "I need a telephone number for the internet."
  "There is no number for the internet. You need an Internet Service Provider and they give you a number to call."
  "Ok, so if that number don't work. Then what number do you call?"
• When did Ladies Home Journal start? (She gottum one from 1918)
• Artist, G. Harvey.
• Witte Memorial Museum
• International Deep Silver
• A request for us to search through all of Norman Rockwell's prints to see if one she described over the phone is a Rockwell print.
• Who is the driver of the #99 car? Is he good?
• Castleton Silver
• Who was the first silversmith in the United States?
• Jules Jurgensen watch company. Jesus! It never ends.
• Is Paris a city or a country? If it's a city what country is it in?
• Does the phrase "since 1740" mean the same as "established in 1740?"
• The Jewish Cross and/or an ankh
• Rogers Brothers silver
• When was the first Winnie the Pooh book made?
• How much is a shilling worth? In pounds, in dollars, yadda yadda yadda
• Is there a Philadelphia mint in Charleston?
• "Can you give me the number to the Smithsonian's National Museum of American History?"
  "OK, the number to the National Museum of American History is 202-357-2700."
  "That's the Smithsonian one, right?"
  "Right."
  "Do they have an '800' number?"
• How much is gold worth?
• What years were the 19th century?
• An 800 number for the Smithsonian...
• A number for the Smithsonia Library...
• What is the Chubby Naked Baby with Wings called?
• When was the Count of Monte Cristo first published? Long time ago, biatch.
• Pottery is made from dirt and clay, right?
  How do you get those designs on there?
• Where did the Greek alphabet come from?
• The Greek word aqroa!!!!!!!!
• Was Helen of Troy one of Zeus' many children? First read the names of all the children and then I will narrow it down to my actual interest in Helen.
• When you have, like, five babies at once it's called quintuplets, right?
• How do you spell St. Cecilia?
• Marcantonio Raimondi, Italian Renaissance master of engraving
• The first publication of the complete works of Shakespeare
• Artist Douglas (with one 'S') Gorline
• Richard Bales compostion The Union in LP form
• Could you please authenticate my John Adams and John F. Kennedy automagraphs, please?
• Which wars happened when JFK was in office?
• Q: What was the cold war? A: Commies vs. non-commies. Q: Which were we?
• An online listing of JFK's cabinent.
• When A.A. Milne signed autographs did he use a nickname?
• Is Unique Novelties in Monroe still in business?
• How do you spell millennium?
• A postcard mailed in the last twenty years signed by John Hancock
• When did the first stamps come out?
• When was Charles Dickens around? When informed that he lived from 1812-1870 she asked if there was more than one Charles Dickens. I assume this is because the book she has is copywrited after 1870.
• Does your library have any first edition books by Charles Dickens?
• Is Tuffy Books still in business and can I get a phone number?
• Daher, A company that deals with Norman Rockwell prints. God help us all.
• Who illustrated the OGM? (Original Mother Goose)
• When did World II begin and end?
• Who painted the "portrait of the artist's mother" which can otherwise be known as "arrangement in black and white?"
• Some cartiographer, Gustav Brueckmann.
• What is nephrite? Spell nephrite! What's it worth? Where do you find it? Oh! Oh! Oh!
• What was JFK's middle name? Where did he go to school? Oh...
• Was Samuel Clemens ever involved with sterling silver? (She's probably got some bullshit commemorative coin)
• Do copyright in 1909 and reproduced in 1970something mean it was made in 1909?
• How long has International Silver been in business? They are now owned by Syratech.
• The usual dumb question but this time about the Knickerbocker toy company
• Is Scrooge McDuck a real person?!?!? I shit thee not.
• Who was president of these here United States in 1862?
• The Antiques Roadshow webpage. The poor bastards.
• The Courier and Ives print "Season of Blossoms." When was that printed?
• Are the eagle scouts the only outfit that wears the eagle emblem tie(rah) holder?
• R. Athens Fox, R Athenson Fox, R. Atkins Fox and finally R. Atkinson Fox. When was he alive? Does you have a picture of him? Can you fax it to Plaza-Midwood? Will you wipe my ass for me?
• The Hasbro Toy Company Quick, someone call and warn 'em!
• Tonka, tough toys for a tough woman
• TootsieToys!!!
• Some long-dead toy company called Cora
• National Collectors Mint!
• Some stupid kids books called Uncle Wiggily that began as Uncle Piggily Wiggily then morphed into Piggily Wiggily and then she remembered it was actually Uncle Wiggily.
• The Great San Joaquin Valley Grape Tray Company
• Is California a city?
• Let's say I had some picture of a ship, how do you tell if it's an old ship or not?
• A ridiculous request in that we find out when Cinderella was first published. An explanation of what a folktale is ensues...
• What does 'revokes" mean?
• There's a name called "Hino" can you tell where it's from, if it's French or American or something?
• what is the phone number for Lucasfilms?
• When did Star Wars and Empire Strikes Back come out?
• What does tax liability mean?
• Is Jumbo the elephant still alive? No. When and how did he die?
• When was Williams Craig frames and art or something in business in Charlotte?
• Artist named Muvarettino actually named something else that was from Italy and lived a long time ago before there was electricity and telephones.
• A pouncil drawing called "Peerless Girl" B. Crosby or W. Crosbie.
• Currier and Ives print "Season of Blossoms."
• What is the difference between a lithograph and a print?
• When was the ukelel invented and who makes 'em?
• How is a lithograph made? I am especially concerned about the dots.
• Is Mickey Mantle still playing? What was he famous for? Was he white or black? If I had one of his gloves what would it be worth?
• Who's older Mickey Mantle or Bob Gibson? Upon being given the birthdates of both men she axed us, "So Mickey Mantle is older?" Yes, was the reply.
• Ummmm....a book by.....Jean Paul.....Herbst blumine?....or something...some German writer
• When was Wyatt Earp (1848-1929) around?
• Ashley Belle porcelain dolls made by Greensboro International out of Colfax, NC.
• How can you tell if something is made of leather? Should I burn it?
• David Beers Quinn, historian, author and writer of books.
• Leonard Florence Silver Company
• When was the "pie eye" Mickey Mouse" used?
• The shape of a pentagon perhaps having significance in an Asian religion.
• Is the pentagon a symbol of the country of Greek? You can't make this stuff up.
• What does it mean when a watch has quartz? Is that a company?
• A ten dollar bill from the Kennedy era...who was the treasurer and the secretary of the treasury?
• Comanche Pottery
• Follow up question to Comanche Pottery: "Are they an Indian Company?"
• Painter, Ralph Lester, who painted "Her Golden Hours," is he still alive?
• Is Deion Sanders still playing?
• A long convoluted exploration of tiffany style lamps and bronze and brass and which is darker.
• Describe the seal of Britain to me.
• I needs information on Books inc. Is they still in business and how long have they been in business?
• When was the first edition of Alice In Wonderland published?
• When was Children's Classics Publishing in business?
• Needed an address for Children's Classic Publishing. There is one in Cincinnatti. Question: 'Is that near New York?'
• Stieff collectble bears confused with Stieff Silver
• What is the picture for virgo?
• Did anyone beside Cartier make Cartier Watches? Did Cartier make their replica watches?
• What things can you buy in quantities of 11? My grandchild is doing a school project and her instructor suggested she go to a store. We say: that might be a good idea.
• "When did they first start putting the "do not remove under penalty of law" tags on furniture?" "We think around the 1960's as required by the FTC." "You mean they didn't have them things on furniture back in the 1700's?"
• What color is rosewood? Is it an expensive wood?
• The upholstery pattern known as 'foliage' mistaken for a company.
• What does a Victor (Victrola) phonograph player look like?
• Can you give me the phone number to the address.com website? (Her continuing quest for free internet access)
• When and by whom was the kiddy book Charlotte's Web first published?
• Is Pablo Picasso (pronounced Pah-blee-oh Pick-a-so) still around and why would they make a poster celebrating him?
• Can you tell me who has free internet? We suggest Juno & NetZero.
• Any information on an artist named B. Polk. When told we would need a first name she hung up.
• Could you verify for me that Scholastic Inc only sells through vendors and not to individuals. They told me that but I want to make sure.
• When did they start putting '800' on sterling silver?
• When did William Rogers silver start coming out? It either has feathers or a crown on it...
• The famous chocolate dipped strawberry analogy for silver plating.
• "Are Charles and Louis Tiffany in the same family? How are they related and who's older?" Upon being informed that they were father and son she asked for verification that they were indeed related.
• I am the dumbest goddamn person in the world.
• Weekend of 11/17-18/2001 makes personal appearance at library in order to "look at dat book on silver" and scares the crap out of the staff.
• "el de Uberti" on duh bottom of a silver tray and then we delve into the mysteries of western languages.
• What was the first Beatles album?
• The silverware with the shield and two lines on it.
• Gorham Inc: a maker of flatware and a subsidiary of Lenox inc. A maker of silver. To be continued, I am sure.
• Silver cup with the initials "NNLC."
• Is silver cups generally sterling or plated?
• Marvella (first spelled Marville or Marvelle) a costume jewelry maker owned by Trifari which is owned by Hallmark. Is they a good company? Have dey always been with Hallmark. Was dey ever on their own? Do dey dake derling dilver?
• What do 'waivers' mean in reference to a basketball player?
• Is J.R. Reid still playing? (J.R. Reid is a former Charlotte Hornet.)
• Artist named R. Colad
• Do you happpen to have a phone number for Wilson's Sporting Goods?
• A ten-minute discussion about the physical characteristics of the original Ken doll with a concentration on his hair.
• When was the Victorian and Queen Anne eras? What I really am talking about is furniture but I ain't gonna tell you that until you get pissed.
• Who is Harry Potter anyway? He's a fictional character. Ohhhhhhhhhhhh.
• I was told you get Playboy magazine at the Main Library.
• What was the first two times Marilyn Monroe appeared in Playboy magazine?
• What is nickel silver?
• Can you go to Ebay and search for Mickey Mouse watches and describe them to me? Disney and Antique Lady: A union birthed in the Blackest Pits of the Darkest Land. One nutcase to rule them all and in ignorance bind them.
• When was the first battery powered Mickey Mouse watch made?
• What's that little wheel between Mickey Mouse's legs for and what's it called? "It's called the seconds disk." How long did they use that?
• Lorus. A watch company. When was it in business, where is it now...You know the drill.
• Did they make Mickey Mouse watches in Japan before the war?
• What the difference between a biography and an autobiography?
• A Virgin Mary medal that has a cross with the letter 'M' underneath it, what do the 'M' stand for?
• Us: According to legend if you wear the medal and show devotion you will recieve graces.
  EAL: Why would you want to do that?
  Us: I believe it's a Catholic thing.
• Banthrico, a company that made models of buildings for the owners of those buildings to give away during promotions.
• Origin of the 'Made in the USA' label.
  Said information was given to her by us before but she forgot it!
  That info is somewhere on the FTC website.
• Wasting the power of my god-given brain on the history of Tinker Toys.
• Phone number for the Chicago Tribune. Follow up question: Is that paper located in New York. This allowed me to say these words: 'The Chicago Tribune is not located in New York. The Chicago Tribune is in Chicago.' She was incredulous when she learned there is no paper known as the New York Tribune.
• The musical Annie. When was it? What was it? Was it popular? Where did it come from? Would a ticket from one be valuable?
• A toy company and/or antique store called Danny Boy.
• A big milestone was reached in dealing with this idiot. Today marked the 1000th time we informed her that there is no directory in existence that lists expired businesses.
• The great mystery of Seth Thomas clocks and Tally Industries.
• Who do primary in reference to primary caregiver mean?
• When did Annette Fetucinni become a Mouseketeer?
• When did Disney make Three Little Mice cartoon? Turns out she meant Three Blind Mice. When offered the number to the studio's library, she declined.
• What do facsimile mean?
  Fax is often a shortened form a facsimile...
  Oh, do they have color faxes?
  It turns she has a facsimile of Confederate money and wanted to know how it was in color and two sided since all the faxes she had seen were black and white and one sided.
• Doing her granddaughter's word scramble homework.
• Why do they make brass tickets?
• Atlanta Journal-Constitution: Is they a newspaper? Is they still in business? Do they got an 800 number? How long have dey been in business? Are my questions getting dumber or is you just jaded?
  Just in case the reader cares, the newspaper in question was founded in 1868.
• A rotary telephone made by ITT Personal Communications.
• What do "for retail only" mean?
• When were we first allowed to own our own phones?
• Did Benjamin Bannaker invent the clock.
• Can you plug the word 'brerer' into the computer and tell me what you come up with?
• How do the French say National?
• Informed that the word she has may be a Swiss word she axed us 'are Swiss and France the same thing?'
• If they make watches in Switzerland do they make clocks there too?
• Important update to the French question: the clock is from Switzerland!
• Telephone number for the Time-Life Encyclopedia of Collectibles
• What is a Storm o' Guide?
• We splained to her what a barometer does.
• Taylor Instruments
• Calls a company on a Sunday and wonders why the number doesn't work.
• As she hangs up the phone says under her breath 'she don't know anything.'
• When did Selchow and Richter make Scrabble?
• When did the company called 'Manufacturing Production' make Scrabble.
• Why do barometers have two hands?
• The Modern Library
• When did the Civil War end?
• A book called 'The life of Michelangelo' by Symonds.
• Telephone number for Macy's. How long have they been around? What else do they sell besides clothing? Etc, etc...
• Is there a test you can do to see if something is made out of bakelite?
• I know they used the apostrophe in front of the last two numbers of the year in the olden days, do dey still do dat now?
• Her grandchild forced to resubmit the end-of-the-Civil-War question.
• When did dey start making battery powered watches? (Actual question was how can I tell how old this Rolex I have is?)
• What are the exact dates for prehistoric times. Pre-writing, butthead.
• Some Raggedy Anne nonsense.
• Knickerbocker toy company
• The old seal for Idaho and a new color called 'toga white.'
• Kellog, ID or Kellog, IA
• Can you tell me about Mass a Cree Rock, Idaho. (Massacre.)
• How about Balanced Rock, Idaho?
• What was the first ski resort in Idaho?
• How do you spell Ketchum?
• When did they start skiing in Idaho?
• Asks who is "Nez something" indian. We den told her about the Nez Perce indians, a tribe located in north central damn Idaho.
• Can ivory be brown?
• Can you translate a Chinese looking signature on a piece of ivory?
• Who won duh superbowl in 1993 and was there a guy named Lewis on either of those teams?
• What is the Japanese alphabet called?
• Is Sima a common name in Japan?
• When was base metal first used on watches?
• She has in her possession a 2 cent George Washington stamp so her question to us is: 'when was the first George Washington stamp?'
• What is burlap?
• Do you know anything about burlap bears?
• What were teddy bears made from in the old days?
• Q: Where can I find a picture of a burlap bear? A: Up your ass.
• An unkown artist working in a form of pottery no one has ever heard of.
• Can you tell me about the Sheffield watch company?
• What is a windsor chair made out of and what kind of screws did they use?
• How long has Grolier Enterprises been in business?
• After being given a number for Grolier Enterprises she axed "Do dey have another number?" Me say: "By another number do you mean an '800' number?" She say yes.
• I 'splain to her what a book club edition of a book is. A classic example of picking the wrong thing to collect.
• When did Dr. Seuss print his first book? Was by Village Publishers?
• An artist named Joseph Castari that no one has ever heard of or cares about.
• What were the era of the Three Musketeers?
• If I had a stein with initials on it, how would I go about finding out who the manufacturer was?
• When did Bobo the Clown start?
• Which is older Made in China or Made in Peoples Republic of China?
• Is China a company?
• How can I buy something from China? (go to Wal-Mart, dipshit.)
• Can you put this in the internet and see what comes up: Rolex Anti-magnetic.
• Can you tell me about Glasser violins?
• Watch company called Swania
• After a two week layoff: 'is there a pottery company called McCoy?'
• When did Siam become Thailand?
• What is the smiling Buddha mean? What do different kinds of Buddhas mean? I heared that there is different kinds an' dey all mean somethin. If you rub dey belly does it mean somethin?
• What are Windsor chairs made of? Ash and oak. What is ash?
• When was E.B. Holmes around? I think he was an artist or a photo-graffer.
• What is 606 Congress? A playing card company.
• What is U.S. Playing Card Company? How long been in bidness?
• What is on their Aces?
• What design is on it?
• Do you have any books on antique furniture and could you read them to me?
• Tell me about Kappa Psi Nu.
• Are they playing the British Open today?
• When did they start using the phrase 'made in West Germany?'
• Is there such a thing as North and South Germany?
• When was Heidi first published?
• What century is the year 1850?
• Nancy Drew paperback printed in 1997. This was a classic exchange. Instead of saying she had the book and wanted to know its value she tried another angle by asking me how much it would cost her to purchase it. Eventually we get to the original Nancy Drew books that were published in the 1930's. She jumped on that and through wishful thinking tried to insinuate her 1997 book was published in the 1930's. I reminded her that I already told her that her book was published in 1997.
• Could you tell me when our country's birthday is?
• Mon cher, translation of, please.
• Could you explain Nextel to me?
• When was the writer Kate Douglas Wiggins born? Was she famous? Did she write a book about birds? Given the title a book with the word 'birds' in it she asks 'did that one make her popular too?'
• When was Marianne Coley author of McCall's magazine?
• A-t-r-i-u-m. What does that spell? Tell me about the Atrium company. (Something to do with an eyeglass case)
• I've never been to the eye doctor because I have 20/20 vistion.
• Address to McCall's and when the first was published.
• When was McCall's company founded? Some tie in with a pattern book and McCalls' magazine.
• What color are alligators?
• Did Charles Schulz write any books other than comics?
• Is he alive?
• Upon being informed that he has been dead for almost two years she then axed if he had any new books coming out.
• Famous baseball player named Rodriguez. After being informed that there were about 100 baseball players called Rodriguez she replied "yeah, but there's one that's really famous." This call ended when she rudely hung up on the employee while saying to someone in the background, "That guy doesn't know what he's talking about."
• Tell me what these words mean: sarono and sihuno. Japanese or Chinese? Neither.
• When did North Carolina stop executing retarded people?
• Is Ed 'Too Tall' Jones and Joe Theisman in the hall of fame. Currently neither player is is in the hall of fame.
• What do 'gyromatic' mean?
• What is GWY in North Carolina? Was North Carolina a state? Does it have any cities starting with the letter 'g?'
• GWY on a piece of pottery is probably the potter's initials!
• Are the Cherokees in North Carolina and where is they?
• What's the number for duh Smifsonian?
• Is Wallace Silversmiths still in bidness? What's they number?
• When did Duncan Fife make furniture? Up until he died...
• When did Weimer start building furniture?
• What do a bird have to do with a indian? No clarification was available.
• Did Andy Warhol make jewelry?
• Can you tell me whose famous for aluminum jewelry?
• An inquiry about some artist whose name David can't remember. She wanted to know if he was famous.
• What team does Nolan Ryan play for? Was he good? Is he in the hall of fame?
• When was the town named Tundra founded?
• Do you have a number for Bassett Furniture?
• Upon being told that a certain artist was a cubist she replied, "Oh, he's a Cuban?"
• The history of the golf club known as the 'putter.'
• A telephone number for Fisher-Price.
• Can you give me the number to Dolls by Jerry?
• How long do bulls live?
• What does ELP stand for? (electroplating)
• When was Pilgrim Silver made?
• You know that are-uh (the letter 'r' for the uninitiated) that is inside a circle on some things? How long they been using dat?
• What is the symbol on Newcomb pottery? (relayed to us via grandson).
• Pewter by Kirk Stieff
• Borg scales (this call included her patented 'quick thank you hang up' after I couldn't give her what she wanted. It's interesting to me that the 'quick thank you hang up' feels ruder than a simple hang up.
• I have some currency...French...it say on it 800,000c. How many dollars do that equal?
• Back for a return engagement: When did 'made in the USA' first get used?
• Four random words that are supposed to be Dutch. Requests a transfer
  out to reference desk when informed that the words were not Dutch. After
  being transfered out to reference desk accuses librarian of having the
  same voice as me. She demands to be transferred to the local history room.
  Local history room then transfers her back to the reference desk and she gets the same librarian
  as before and hangs up on him.
• What primary colors did they use in Japan in the 1600's?
• Didn't they used to work in black and white until the 1600's? (She was astonished when informed that color has been around as long as there has been art.)
• How do you tell if something is made of tortoise shell? (That was a translation. Her actual question was not so plainly stated.)
• If something is the color blue now what color will it be in twenty years? (Where's Sam Kinison when you need him?)
• When did the Japanese start painting on silk?
• What do those red marks on the silk painting mean? (You mean the red mark I can't see and you are unable to describe?)
• Precious Moments piggy banks, a section of hell we haven't entered before.
• An artist named Jack Frost. (Bonus hang up).
• What is the definition of archeology?

        "Idiot wind, 
         blowing every time you move your mouth,
         Blowing down the backroads headin' south.
         Idiot wind, blowing every time you move your teeth,
         You're an idiot, babe.
         It's a wonder that you still know how to breathe."                      
                     Bob Dylan

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