"HAVING AN EFFECT ON PLAYERS WORLDWIDE"

Why I Don't Like Tanks
2000-01-12:

First of all, that conception is entirely mis. I love Tanks. I'm the guy who invented Open Fire!, the Tank deck's Best Friend. So don't tell me I don't like Tanks.

Okay, here's the whole story. Once Upon A Time, there was A Game invented. But before The Game could be published, it had to be playtested. It couldn't be playtested by outside playtesters, because it was super tip top ultra secret at that time.

There were many kinds of decks being played. One of them used the Tank and the Tank Cannon. It won games. It won a lot of games.

Just before The Game was published, the Tank deck won too many games. And so it was smitten mightily about the destiny numbers, and lo, there were 2's and 1's.

And The Game was played by many game players, and there was merriment and enjoyment everywhere. But nobody played Tanks. Or Tank Cannons. And those cards were sad.

And lo, another bunch of cards were being designed for The Game. And somebody decided that the Tanks should get played. But how to get players to use those 2's and 1's that the poor Tank deck had been saddled with?

So a Battle card was thunk up, and it was called Open Fire! And lo, the Tanks spread like Pestilence and Disease throughout The Game. And some liked the Tank deck. And some didn't. And the guy who thought up Open Fire! was sad, because it was like wacky out of control seriously really.

And lo again, another bunch of cards were being designed for The Game. The guy who thought up Open Fire! wanted a volunteer to fight the Tanks. And so Jar Jar volunteered, since he had nothing else to do, because nobody played him either. And Jar Jar felt better about himself for a while.

But when Jar Jar met the Tanks, he got kilt anywho, so he returned to the binder and he was sad yet again. And the Tanks continued marauding all over everything in sight.

And lo yet again, another bunch of cards were being designed for The Game. The guy who thought up Open Fire! said, "Once more into the breach, my friends!" and thought up another card that would shut up those accursed Tanks once and for all.

And then there were Boomas. And that's the end of the story.

Or is it?

Chuck

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