EAA CHAPTER 108
HUMOR
JOKES: (Updated 11/04/2004)
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| Student Joke: During my first night flight, I asked my instructor what to do if the engine failed. "Get the plane gliding in a controlled descent, attempt to restart the engine and make a Mayday call," he explained. "The difference between day and night flying is that the terrain below will not be clearly visible, so turn on the landing light when you get close to the ground, and if you like what you see, land." "All right, but what if I don't like what I see?" I asked. "Turn off the landing light." |
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| Picture Perfect: A photographer for a national magazine was assigned to take pictures of a great forest fire. He was advised that a small plane would be waiting to fly him over the fire. The photographer arrived at the airport just an hour before sundown. Sure enough, a small Cessna airplane was waiting. He jumped in with his equipment and shouted, "Let's go!" The tense man sitting in the pilot's seat swung the plane into the wind and soon they were in the air, though flying erratically. Fly over the north side of the fire," said the photographer, "and make several low-level passes." "Why?" asked the nervous pilot. "Because I'm going to take pictures!" yelled the photographer. "I'm a photographer, and photographers take pictures." After a long pause, the "pilot" replied: "You mean you're not my instructor?" |
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Student pilot to irate instructor:"You're simply impossible to satisfy. I just finished navigating successfully through a boiling fluid swirling around a rotating sphere that is hurtling around a fusion reaction source at thousands of miles per hour. This system is moving in a circular motion around a black hole at who knows what speed, while the space it takes up is expanding. And then I bounced the landing six inches. SIX MEASLY INCHES! Get off my freakin' back!" AVweb 12/9/02 |
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Young Eagle Humor:
AVweb 10/21/02 |
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| Security: At Heathrow airport today, an individual, later identified as a public school teacher, was arrested while trying to board a flight while in posession of a compass, a protractor, and a graphing calculator. Authorities with the TSA believe he is a member of the notorious Al-gebra movement. He is being held for carrying weapons of math-instruction. AP wire |
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| An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, give a smile, and a "Thanks for flying XYZ airline." He said that in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had gotten off except for this little old lady walking with a cane. She said, "Sonny, mind if I ask you a question?" "Why no M'am," said the pilot, "what is it?" The little old lady said, "Did we land or were we shot down?" | |
| XYZ Airlines Flight Attendant: "Ladies and Gentlemen, as you are all now painfully aware, our Captain has landed in Seattle. From all of us at XYZ we'd like to thank you for flying with us today and please be very careful as you open the overhead bins as you may be killed by falling luggage that shifted during our so called "touch down." | |
| A Flying students' diary.. Week 1 Monday: Rain Tuesday: Rain Wednesday: No rain; no visibility either Thursday: Take instructor to lunch. Discover I don't know enough to take instructor to lunch. Friday: Fly! Do first stall and second stall during same manoeuvre. Cover instructor with lunch.
Week 2 Monday: Learned not to scrape frost off Plexiglas with ice-scraper. Used big scratch as marker to set pitch. Tuesday: Instructor wants me to stop calling throttle "THAT BIG KNOB THING." Also hates when I call instruments "GADGETS" Wednesday: Radios won't pick up radio stations, so I turned them off. Instructor seems to think I missed something. Thursday: Learned 10 degree bank is not a steep turn. Did stall again today. Lost 2000 feet. Instructor said that was some kind of record -- my first compliment. Friday: Did steep turn. Instructor said I was not ready for inverted flight yet.
Week 3 Monday: Instructor called in sick. New instructor told me to stop calling her "BABE". Did steep turns. She said I had to have permission for inverted flight. Tuesday: Instructor back. He told me to stop calling him "BABE", too. He got mad when I pulled power back on takeoff because the engine was to loud. Wednesday: Instructor said after the first 20 hours, most students have established a learning curve. He said there is a slight bend in mine. Aha--progress! Thursday: Did stalls. Clean recovery. Instructor said I did good job. Also did turns around a point. Instructor warned me never to pick ex-fiancee’s house as point again. Friday: Did pattern work. Instructor said that if downwind, base and final formed a triangle, I would be perfect. More praise!
Week 4 Monday: First landing at a controlled field. Did fine until I told the captain in the 747 ahead of us on the taxiway to move his bird. Instructor says we'll have ground school all this week on radio procedures. Tuesday: Asked instructor if everyone in his family had turned grey at such an early age. He smiled. We did takeoff stalls. He says I did just fine but to wait until we reached altitude next time. Three Niner Juliet will be out of the shop in three days when the new strut and tire arrive. Instructor says his back bothers him only a little. Wednesday: Flew through clouds. I thought those radio towers were a lot lower. I'm sure my instructor is going grey. Thursday: Left flaps down for entire flight. Instructor asked way. I told him I wanted the extra lift as a safety margin. More ground school. Friday: Asked instructor when I could solo. I have never seen anyone actually laugh until they cried before. |
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| - Airline Maintenance At Its Best -
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Pictures & Cartoons |
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| If you want to see why the Coast
Guard DOES NOT tow boats with helos: CLICK HERE (OPENS WINDOWS MEDIA PLAYER - Takes a minute) |
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