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THE MONTAUK PROJECT EXPOSED!
(Really!)

Since it was the 20th of April and my status as a "worker" prevents me from getting high as a fucking kite anymore, I decided I should instead expose the government conspiracy known as the Montauk Project.

If you want some like, stuff, about it that isn't me just taking a road trip and screaming into holes and annoying the shit out of my girlfriend with my Scully impersonation, click here.

When we arrived at Camp Hero, after the obligitory looking at of the lighthouse and peeing, the radar station that the extraterrestrial-sponsored government uses to control our minds loomed above us like a huge alien mind contolling radar station. Undaunted, we pressed on....

It's bigger, brighter, whiter than ALIENS!

(I see you pooping! I see you pooping!)

(I suddenly feel the need to shop at the Gap...)

Since the feds want to hide the truth from us, and the tower was "off limits", we decided to walk around the bunker that goes 500 feet down into the place they do all those experiments. As you can see, the signs "do not enter building" do not daunt us. The concrete does, just a little. Vanessa thinks they're like holodeck doors. I decided not to try it, since I didn't have my phaser handy.

(me+wall = Mall?)

(The pattern says something in alien. I tried saying "Mellon", but they didn't open)

At last! A breakthrough! We found a hole in the wall. Me, being the moron I am, stuck my head in there, where I was immediately grabbed (see right) by an unseen force. It was probably just gas, though. Click to the left if you want a closer look at my ass.

(that's my hand, not the alien's)

(J,lo needs to watch her ass)

Next, we ventured (or is it vamoosed) to the car so I could change pants. Luckily, I have two of the exact pair, so I didn't look too stupid. However, the most frightening thing yet lie ahead... This building was the most GOD AWFUL shade of green I have ever seen. The page background is inspired by it, but neither it nor the picture do it justice. I suppose it's where they trained super soldiers to go colorblind.

(do not look directly at the building.)

(now that I'm behind the tower, I realize how much Justin Timberlake sucks)

Vanessa swears she sees an alien in the picture to the right, but I think it's just her mind playing tricks on her. I was more concerned about what I saw next. To the left are two pictures that are obviously mutant deer! Now I believe, Mulder. Now I believe.

(I dunno, I just don't see it.)

(crazy deer world. Look at their heads! no antlers! It's a conspiracy! click on the top one)

Anyway, as we left, and got back in front of the tower, I popped in "Justified", rolled down the window, and felt content in the knowledge that I finally exposed this conspiracy for the world to see. Antlerless deer, right here on Long Island.

The moral of this story is that traffic going through the hamptons really fucking sucks. That, and I couldn't find the house that was in that new Jim Carrey movie. But then again, I can't even find the Amityville house.