*Picard* could it be a form of communication?
*Data* unknown sir.
*Picard* any other suggestions?
*Worf* Let's blow it up
*Data kills Worf* Any other boneheaded
suggestions?
*spot* i have one.....
*Picard* He is communicating!
*Picard*What is it...Spot?
well, we could recalibrate...(goes
into an hour straight of techno babble)
*Riker Plays the Trombone*
*Picard* Shut up Will!
*worf at end* or we could
just blow 'em up
*spot* we COULD.....
*Data kills Worf again*
*Director* psst...isn't this about spot relieving
himself in the litter box?
*Picard* shut up *fires phaser*
*spot* oopsies
*brzap*
What did u do that for?
*Picard* I don't know. I felt like wacking the
director for once!
*Director* (little did he know I have clones)
*Picard* Maybe he has clones
*director* (DOH!)
Data: the clones might not
necessarily have the same characteristics as the
actual director
*Picard* Minor technicality, humor me.
Data: but nature vs. nurture....
*Picard* Shut up Wesley!
*Beverly* Shut up Wesley?
Spot: im not wesley
Spot: DONT DISS ME!!!
*spot smacks picard*
*Picard* ouchies! sorry spot
Spot: *sniffle* u meanie
*wesley enters* well, if we *much
technobabble* maybe the clones WOULD have the same
characteristics...
*Picard* alright, NOW.... Shut up Wesley
Spot: good
*Wesley does not shut up*
*spot smacks him*
*Geordi* Oh my god! it's Wesley, I thought he
was just a nightmare!
*eep*
*worf reincarnated* y dont
we blow him up?
*Picard* Agreed! Make it so!
*blows up wesley*
KABOOOOOOM!!!!
Worf: hmmmm
*data* captain, it seems he has not totally evaporated.....
*crowd Gasps*
*Picard* How is that so?
Data: how should i know captain?
i am but a lowly piece of scrap metal
Worf: quickly, vaporize him!!!!
*brzap*
Narrator: and there was much rejoicing...
Crew: yay......
*Troi Comes in in her bunny suit *
Data: bunny suit?
*data short curcuits*
*kazaam!*
*spark, spark*
*Picard* Mr. Data, Report!
*twitch, spark*
*McCoy* He's dead Jim
Data: aspsdoghapoiwgthqpvgn;zlxkvbhoiahgo[iqgw[oih
a[ogh
Data: !!!!!!
Data: a;bas;jbwopwqpogqj;gae;kjbabkbj;vvsahgfwaofty
weiuhgerjkbszdhlbfsadpiusfhpog
*Picard* Let's fix him up any way!
*Picard* Geordi, fix him
Data: qopgnasbvhahgabgbwbwerabagb
*Geordi does so.*
*worf whispers* he cannot
DIE sir.... he is an android
*Picard* sssshhhh....
Worf: sorry.....
*data* *sparksparksparksparkspark*
*Picard* So You're back, from outer space, and I
come back here to find that sad look upon your face!
i shouldve changed that
stoopid lock...
i shouldve thrown away the
key
i would have done it
if i had known youd be BACK
TO BOTHER MEEE!!!
*Spock* that is illogical
*Picard whacks him w/ a frying pan*
*DONG!*
Data: *final twitch*
*falls to the ground*
*pops right back up like a
spring*
*Geordi Fixes Data*
*Troi* I think Will and I should be alone for a
little while
*data* NO!!! you must spend more time w/
ME!!!!
*Picard* of course, just bring back tapes, I mean "NO"
*data looks quizzical*
*Picard* We must stay with mr Data
Data: noooo, you dont....
*Picard* what?
Data: silly old bald french guy
*Picard* what?
Data: :-(
*Picard* what do you mean I'm a silly old bald
french guy
Data: what do u THINK i mean by
it?
Data: u silly old bald french guy
Picard: You're insulting Silly old bald french people
Data: no, im just insulting one
particular silly old bald french person
Picard: Mr. Riker take an away team to the surface, and
get one of the extras killed
*Riker*Aye, sir
*data* yes leave riker....and u must get stranded
somehow…and not able to contact the
Enterprise!!!!
Picard: Agreed, Mr. Data
*Riker leaves*
Data: and now, my sweet, lets go.....*wink wink nudge nudge say
no more....*
Picard: I assume you were talking to Spot....
Data: ummmm, ummm, no sir, i was um speaking, umm...to the COMPUTER!!!
yes, thats it....
Picard: Of course.
Data: and i need the counseler to
help me.....
Data: ummm...
Data: reprogram it...
*computer giggles*
Data: yes
Data: thats it
Data: *whispers* i dont mean it like
that.....
*Troi* yes let's go Data
*Riker and away team beam onto planet, only to
find that their communications are severed, and they can't
beam back up*
*Data walks jauntily off to room,
kicking spot out*
:-D
*cut to planet surface*
*suddenly one of the extras suffers a fatal heart
attack*
*riker*durn
Away team extra #2 : We can't do anything
except wait now!
Riker: durn
Riker: hmmmm
*Wesley* hey, I got on the away team, imagine
that
* Riker strokes chin*
Riker: WESLEY!?
Riker: WHAT IN THE WORLD ARE
YOU DOING HERE?!
Riker: SHOULDNT U BE W/ UR
MOM, BEING PAMPERED?!
*Away Team Extra #2* didn't we vaporize
you?!?!?
Riker: hey, ya....what's up w/ that
*Welsey* you did, but with my quantum Static
flux converter, I survived
Riker: hmmmm… say what?
Riker: i dont understand this
techno-babble.....
*Riker cocks head in lost puppy dog mode*
*Away team extra #2* We should have thought
about that
*amazon women come and pick riker up to take back to their amazon
bedrooms*
*alien entity forms behind them and whacks
away team extra#3 away*
*cut back to enterprise*
Picard: Why can't we contact the away team?
*data* dunno sir....maybe it was that hint i gave
earlier....i dunno
Picard: very good hmmmm
Data: go figure
*worf* we could always blow
something up....
Worf: that always worx
Picard: could we reconfigure the transcosmic
containment shell to retrieve them?
(commercial break)
*data* arent I supposed to
get the techno-babble lines?
*Picard exits the stage to grab coffee and
croissants*
Picard: *over a mouthful of croissants* Yes, I forgot, but
just disagree so we have to work harder
Data: *under breath* stoopid bald
frenchman
Picard: Excuse me?
Data: o er, nothing
*director* k, lets get this
thing started ACTION!!!
*cut to planet surface*
*narrator* there are only 3 away team
members left
*away team member* what are we gonna do?
Away Team Member #2: we need some good technobabble and fast!
Rikers gone away with the Amazons!
Away Team Member: YES SIR!! *mumbles for an hour in
technobabble speak*
Narrator: To Be Continued