oh dear. new obsession John Mayer a delicious new songwriter singer.

buy me his CD for my b-day, you only have 8 shopping days left!

there was an offer from Church development Fund on Christmas Day on my cell phone, this week she called to rescind her offer.

the bitch.

So now I will be taking a massage therapy course on the state's dime =)

Merry Christmas all. I am off to mom and dad's with the whole fam damily. for family time, hopefully without drama this time. We shall see!

Manny and I went and had some photos taken, this was the best one... me and my one good eye...

Well, I am still looking for a "real" job. I am subbing at my mom's school still, at least until the end of this week. It is supposed to end Friday, yet they haven't interviewed anyone, and to my knowledge they haven't even set any up. I could be wrong though. Regardless, it could carry over another week or so, and hopefully by that time I should have some info on one of the three jobs I have interviewed for in the last few weeks. Wells Fargo in long Beach was Thursday, a neat little company in Newport Beach was a good one too the week before, but the one I want is at Church Development Fund. It's a Christian comany that has and is doing very well, it's SO close to home and it would be working with churches. How cool would that be? Too good to be true? Yup, it's abiout $6k less per year than I really want. But, I could make ends meet, if I scrape and really watch how I spend my money. No frills, no extras. Ouch. I should know more next week about both of them.

One month after the terror. And I am getting ready to get on a plane and fly to Michigan. I'm not scared, but in the back of my mind I wonder. I know that my chances are slim to none that I would actually be involved on an incident sosoon after the original one, in a world when the security is so tight and watchful. But It's still in the back of my mind.

Go Pink! Support the Fight Against Breast Cancer

What a crappy 10 days it's been.

Part One:
August 30 - 2pm - I got back from a late lunch with Bubba, answered three of the six voicemails I had in the hour I was gone. I got up to mail a letter and go pee (as I do every day seemingly 400 times a day from all the H2O I drink) When I walked out of the restroom Aileen (my "manager") was standing waiting for me, and asked if I had a minute. The president who was so cowardly hiding behind the corner, slinked in behind me, and she shut the door. Basically he said "things are bad and we hate to do this, we're letting you go." He shoved his hand toward me with a check in it and said "thank you for all you've done for BKM"

I bawled y'all. My ears rang and my heart pounded in my chest. All I could think of was "Oh my GOD! how am I going to pay my MORTGAGE!?!?!?!"

Looking back, I'm glad I lost it in there. They both squirmed in the uncomfortable situation. Bill could not get out of there fast enough.. He looked like a trapped animal. When I sunk into the chair behind me he looked as if he had been defeated and sat down with a sigh and a panicked look at Aileen like "oh god, get me out of here, I don't want to see this" the Jerk. (yes, with a capital J) They offered any help they could give me "uhm yeah, pay my bills? lay someone else off, maybe one of the two who have WANTED to get laid off so they could stay home with their kids" no, they pick on the single girl with the one income and a MORTGAGE!!!! The offer of a letter of recommendation was extended. Oh yeah that's some *great* consolation prize. A letter? you mean you'll write a letter and tell them how I'm the best damned coordinator you've had in a long time who knew the system inside and out, who TRAINED everyone?!?

In trying to avoid a scene they quickly suggested that I "could just leave and we will send you your items" Hell NO you won't! When I said no they pressed the issue. I wanted to scream "everybody is going to get to see my red eyes and sad face while I pack every last picture, chatchke, and erase all of my god damned emails you bitches!!!" So, I sucked it up, went back to my desk and packed my junk. I threw away all of my documentation outside of the order files, I deleted EVERY email I had, which was a lot, seeing as I kept everything. I sent all my pictures to my server, my documents too. I deleted every last thing that had anything to do with me. I threw out a ton of papers, and oops, my H2O bottle just happened to have doused everything in that trash can. Petty, yes, but when you get rid of me, you get rid of all my backup and all my hard work to make you look good.

oh my. I have not yet got my voice back from the BNL concert last night. It was SO darn good!! I screamed my brains out, poor Dan couldn't hear out of his left ear until today. I have no voice, but I have THREE rolls of pictures that I took with the BIG camera.

I pick them up tomorrow!!

mmmmm. Steven!!!

It is SO hot.

I wish I had air conditioning. I wish this had been a better year and my team had made bonus the bast four quarters. I wish I made more money. I wish I didn't *have* to work so I could go to school.

then again, I'm just grateful to have a job and a house to live in.

A *fresh* cheese bagel, with sun dried tomato cream cheese, and a big cup of coffee with French vanilla fun creamer in it. Man, if I were only at home on the couch, I would be in heaven. But it aint a bad way to start a Friday at work.

I'll miss this next week when I'm sucking a slim fast through a straw.....

p.s. the female probelms are under control. turns out it's an ovarian cyst, totally normal. at this point I am not going to take the pill to control it. why would i want to be a bigger bitch?

I am so very fat.

I hate it. For a long time I was in denial (note, I couldn't even type denial....) But no longer. Since I have moved back I have gained 40 pounds. Can you believe it?!? In a year 40 lbs!! I want to cry when I go to get dressed because I have NO clothes that fit. The pants I bought last September a size too big so they would be baggy, ARE TOO TIGHT. Ugh I am so disgusted with myself.

Well, NO MORE. I am really putting myself in a place to change for the good. I have to psych myself up and find an accountability system. It's just that I am so lazy and greedy really. If one is good, two is better! Just because I can! NO MORE. I am going to Grand Rapids in October and I want to loose the forty pounds I gained, or at least get my butt in gear and lose some of it!

This semester I start school four nights a week and have enrolled in Circuit Training. Last time I was in that class I dropped thirty pounds in six weeks. I have almost ten now before GR. I think that's a good point to work for. So this week and next I am working on my eating habits and making mindful choices. Then school starts and I will be working out four days a week. The most important thing is that I need to pray. It even sounds a little silly to me, but I know that's the only way it will really work. God is so good to me. He blesses me all the time and I don't take advantage of the opportunity I have to praise him as much as I should. I know I need to talk to him a lot more. And who else is going to give me self control? Not me, obviously. Talk about letting him take over in everything else, uhm DUH, why not here?!?!

So, I'll keep updating here, journaling my way through it. (Yeah like the Guide Dog journal too?!) That way I can keep account and keep myself motivated.

oy.

New pictures are up!!

thanks Brian for the scanner!

Things here are a little crazy. I'm having "female problems".

I have had some irregularities since November, but chalked it up to the stress of working with The Evil One and buying the house. It's lasted a lot longer that that, and become more of an issue. Now I have had my checkup and am scheduled for a pelvic ultrasound to investigate if there is something that is causing it.

Scary. But, I know that God is taking care of me. I'm not too worried, I just want to know what's up!!!

I feel like crap today.

I broke my cellphone trying to be cool. I was putting on the cheesy new face plate on my cute little phone and screwed up the power button. Now my phone won't turn on, and to make it worse, the replacement takes FIVE DAYS. No phone, woe is me.

Then, I was late leaving for my apt., I am on empty. I get gas, haul booty to get there, she walks me right in saying she was just about to go home. She smears the goo all over my lower abdomen and the looks at me and tells me I didn't drink enough water. Now I have to reschedule.

It's been a bad day. But tonight I am not driving to the Harvest thing, and I get to go back on Friday afternoon, which means I have a short day! Whee.

I need a cocktail.

The AFTER photos!!

I forgot to post =)

Yesterday I found a plea from the medical director for someone to drive the medical team's RV from LA to SF. So being the team player I volunteered to give up my flight and drive *if* nobody else did. In a matter of hours I was the girl.

What am I doing?!

Driving an RV? If i remember correctly this thing is going to be HUGE. Oh. Dear.

With four med students from UCLA and the meds for the ride. It can't be all that bad. If I leave early friday we can get on the road and go and take our time, get into SF early and relax. I want to leave LA by 8, meaning leaving the house at, like 5:30 (AM!) Skipping traffic and all. Man, and I said I didn't want to do that drive on the 5 again!!!

Start praying now. I am feeling a bit crazy about it. But, if I can drive a big ol Uhaul, I can drive this. God help me.

nobody has asked my "why?". So, I asked myself, (in grand Emeril style "SELF!") why? Why would you volunteer your much needed vacation to spend 7 days sleeping in a sleeping bag with strangers, hauling all your crap in a big bag, waking up early and moving to a new place every day with 3500 others? Why would you raise money for these places and these people you don't even know? Why?

Love. I love Tracy who is positive. I love Ed who is positive. Johnny and Troy too. I love the teacher I lost. I love people who have lost ones they love. Jesus calls us to love one another, and I will. I love to make a difference in other's lives. I love that I can take a skill that I have and benefit others. I love being an EMT, I love doing it. I love helping people when they need me, not just anybody.

Well I did it! I am so excited!! I am registered for the AIDS Ride as an EMT! I didn't think I'd be able to, but I did it yesterday! I was so wound up thinking about it I couldn't sleep last night. List girl was lying in bed making mental lists of things to bring, things to do and such... geez and it's more than a month away.

As for the "Unpaid Days Off" that's how i am going to afford the week and a half off.

Then... I got a lead from Bub, Pacific Christian College (now known as Hope International University) is hiring an Administrative Assistant for the music dept. They called today to talk about it. I really would like to make that move. I think the only issue is the money. I will need to find out what the offer is and then go from there if I should even consider it. The payoff in discounted tuition, Bible Classes, and being less than 10 minutes from home (hitting all the lights red) could be worth it. We'll see. It of course isn't up to me.

it's my birthday, send me home depot gift cards!

I promise to update soon, with pictures too!!

This morning I am tired. And sore. Not too bad, but I know it's going to get worse.

Yesterday's events: After signing my loan docs w/ Lynn for an hour (mindblowing) I went and scraped more of the painted over wallpaper in the downstairs bathroom and sanded the walls in the living room with the new pole sander. I was so irritated with the wallpaper I had to go do something else. I'd spray real good, walk away and sand, then come back and scrape. It's more like chiseling than scraping. I left the house close to 11 and slept hard.

HomoDepot total: $0 - no spending. just raiding mom and dad's garage of little stuff.

this morning at 10...

amid screaming gail, and fires to be put out... the phone rings, again. I almost let it go, but I answered it. Not even thinking that someone is going to call and let me know about my house.... it's Lynn. "Have you heard?" my heart stops, so does my breathing "no" squeaks out. "you're approved!" thank God!

Now the fun begins. I spent the afternoon making phone calls and making more lists. Ordered the carpet, only to find out that the one I really want is on back order 'til the 29th. I have to be out of the apt by the 27th. The carpet people are trying to get a better date.

Todays Events: Scraped wallpaper in the bathroom downstairs. I want to kill the moron who painted over the wallpaper, then wallpapered over that. Geeez.
HomoDepot total: $30 - pole sander, sand paper, sanding block, and scraper.

i wannna knoooooooooooooooooooooooow already!!!

no word yet

it's saturday night and i'm home watching Pretty Woman with Manny asleep on my foot. Perfectly happy to do so. i am not in the mood to go out, or see anyone. Anyone. Last night I was at my parents and went shopping with my mom at Costco and Petsmart. The whole time I was there and while shopping I felt as if at any second I was going to burst into tears. I don't know why. Nothing in particular had upset me. Heck I even got off of work early after the big BKM Christmas Lunch. I think it's the stress. I'm not handling any of it well. I have so much to do, and I just want to start already! I think I have figured out what I am going to do. This week. Wednesday? I hope sooner.

Meanwhile I went to Target and only spent $11! Wow, I know amazing. Not really, I exchanged a few things =) As I sit here, I keep playing with my new haircut. Some pretty decent choppage went on, good and bad. The length is even now, little longer than chin length. But the moron cutting it chopped my already too short bangs. Then she didn't dry it. Come on, I know it's cheap and all, but please, you can't dry it? Whatever.

the best laugh i've had all day

this bites. I am discouraged again. This is the week I find out if I got the place. Do or die time.

I spent two hours yesterday with the friend of someone at work who's a flooring guy. I think he was trying to rip me off. I am going back to my original plan, me doing all the work. I don't think I would mind all that much if it weren't me doing it all by myself. But, who else do I have to count on? Really, who am I going to legitimately ask to spend several backbreaking hours on their knees laying down Pergo in my house? At least I can con butt boy into helping me rip out carpet and lugging it out of the house. Maybe my dad will help with the paint. But man, that laminate is going to kick my butt. Unless you want to help?

Thanksgiving was a good one. Everone's well, and somewhat happy. I am grateful to be home and buying the house, my family, my wonderful friends, and especially my Manny boy (love that boy), and especially for God's grace and love.

Today my escrow check cleared. Yikes. It's scary!

I am offically broke. Grandma is going to help me out. But good gosh, that's not what's scaring me. I am going to own a home. Oh. My. Gosh.

I just wrote a letter to the Mortgage company explaining why I took a pay cut. Well beside that fact that costs less to live here in Orange county. My family is here darn it! Let's hope they buy it. It's true afterall.

The before shots... dont run away!  it's got potential!

blogger is broken

Well things are on thier way to being done. Everything is agreed on, but now I am up against the loan. I am just under the amount that is the maximum. Last year I was over, now I am under. I have to write a letter explaining why I took a cut in pay. Easy, friends, famiy, and the cost of living is less here. The first loan chickie who was good, said it is based on current income. Lynn says last year may be a factor. Once CHFA says no, youre out. That's it. ooooh. dang. I am worried. Which is dumb. If he wants me to have it, I'll have it. So far so good. It's all going very well, the guy who owns it likes me, the timing is right on his side. Lynn wins since she gets both commissions and is the only one in the deal. So, I have to trust in God and wait on Him. He is in control and I need to not worry since I have no control in this. Hard to do.

Meanwhile I am picking out colors and measuring tomorrow. Carpet, tile, paint, trim. The Home-O-Depot ad today had allll kinds of stuff on sale, ut of 20 things on a page, I prolly need 15. oiy.

remember the townhome that I really liked? You know, he one that they didnt like me since I was FHA? Well seems that the one next door will be mine all mine in 45 days! Oh, dang. Just counted the days on the calendar... COE December 23. Two days til Christmas. Yikes.

I had to go and move at Christmas. You've got to be kidding me.

Well we all know what I'll be doing instead of Christmas shopping. Holy cow. You can get me a gift, a home(o)depot gift card. Bring it by the house, make sure youre wearing your painting clothes. =)

Today was ugly. really.

I refuse to be micro managed, and talked to like a three year old. My job is to assist, and maintain, not serve her every whim only. And if the name calling and uncalled for verbal abuse is going to continue, you can bet your ass I am walking. I may slack sometimes, but don't tell me I don't get things done. That's a load if crap.

So she'll whine and compain, but let me remind those of you playing at home, she went w/o help for 10 months because everyone else refused to work with her. She needs to check herself and take stock. Four people in a year, and pushing the fifth out the door. Do we see a pattern? Maybe it isn't the coordinators....

OOOH okay, I am going to get busted for streaming this all day long...Music : Barenaked Ladies

is it wrong that I feel this great love for this man?

I know he's only a man, just any old man that writes songs and sings, who makes me smile and laugh...

it's sick and wrong I tell you. I see the BNL Behind the Music and become mesmerized by the TV. When his wife comes on the screen I don't get the urge to throw the Ikea catalog at her.... nooo never!

This whole thing is driving me mad. Do i give up now? Do I press forward? I dunno. It's crazy.

Why does something so easy have to be so hard? Learning experience, stress test, growth in patience. I don't know that I am passing this test. As usual I get frustrated and want to give up. Full of doubt. I have to confess I am afraid. The economy is very high, it won't stay that way. I can just see it now, country goes into recession, my industry will get hit. Like the 80's that rode high, then in the early 90's the recession hit. I just fear losing my job, and having a house payment to make. I bought a car, and screwed that up when I was out on workman's comp. Who's gonna say that I'll be able to make my house payment? Foreclosure on a home is a hell of a lot more damaging than a car. But of course, there is something that I am totally overlooking, as ususal.

God will provide.

It's not in my control, never has been. I seem to forget that, trying to take control and screwing things up in the process. What I need to do is sit back and let Him drive. He will provide the house, or he won't. This one seemed to be 'the one', but like I asked him to, if it isn't what you want me in, then let them say no. They did. His will is done. I just need to learn to recognize that and stop being selfish. Something I have a hard time changing. Selfish, stubborn and childish. He's working on me though. Thank God!

Nope. They didn't like me. They took another offer that was only for the asking price. I had offered $1,000 more, but I had an FHA loan for 100%, and nothing down. Aparently that makes me less stable. HA! Jerks, I hope that it falls out of escrow and they lose money.

They say (whoever they is) the third time's the charm. I loved it, I wanted it. I am waiting. This one feels right, more than any other place I have seen so far. And it's a bargain. It's also out of my hands. But I do have a connection with the listing agent, maybe she can help sway them my way if need be. Since there is an offer that was being presented this morning. Hopefully they won't make me wait long. ugh. This is the worst part. I think God is teaching me patience. Between buying a home, and working woth Gail, yup. It's a growth experience.

I just got back from a great trip to Grand Rapids. I took a TON of pictures, go check out the online album!

love me some shelleyness

a conversation about buying a house...

Sat night I didn’t sleep. Did it have a garage? If not, then I have to keep looking. Damn! If it did, was it still the right thing to do... are they going to laugh my offer off the table…. Am I going to get out of my lease... am I going to get all the financing at a good price…. What am I overlooking... what if there are problems... is the patio wall high enough to keep someone from stealing manny....

I got one hour of sleep, and was nauseous all night

When I finally got my butt in gear and went to church, sure enough my agent called while I was gone. The dummy agent called he and confirmed that there was no garage. DARN! So there you have it, now I am back to square one. It sucks. I am thinking I am going to wait a little while. I have been doing my research and the market is on a downward trend. So I’ll wait my six months, save my pennies and see what happens?

"You monkey, you left me!" - Veruca Salt

I love that line. Who knows why, but I laughed my butt off when I heard that.

monkey like banana!
damn dana's funny

I need a new web host. Know of any cheap ones?

Well it's official. I am headed home. After almost three long years i am leaving the bay area. fina-ly.

I have accepted an offer at another dealership in Orange County, so the boy and I are moving to Anaheim Hills. I can't even freaking believe it. It hasn't been real until just this weekend. It's begun to hit me, headaches and all. Movers giving me estimates, cleaning out closets and drawers (man I have a lot of crap). Manny is at Club Med for puppies aka: Mom and Dad's. If they thought he was spoiled before, geesh, It's just gotten way worse!

woah.

That's all I can say. Soooo much is happening!

Home sweet home, here I come.

Volkswagen dealers are idiots.

No car. Not til September. Jerks.

I know, I suck. I don't update with anything good. I promise, i will be better! Full story to follow later. The house is a wreck and my 770 took a crap! I'm stuck with the HP, man is this thing sloooooow!

I was coerced by the boys into this.

Kind of a switch eh?

Of course, Dan has the same color, and Alex is blonde. Gosh I had fun with the boy's hair!

Today is Day Three, keep those good thoughts out there for them. I am so proud of them I think I am gonna burst!

They left yesterday. Think good thoughts for all of them, especially Dan, he needs them!

My.MP3.com Plays On: Only Major Labels Muted

Okay, not that I have anything against the artists, but this sucks. The labels are being jerks. I bought the darn thing, let me listen to it!

Today has been a pretty sucky day. I think I am coming down with a cold. Yuck. I have a mildly sore thoat, and the beginnings of a fever. It may just be my allergies kicking in, after all See Northern CA? Yup, the worst in the Nation! Come to find out through Tracy and the lady from the HMO we do business with tells me Contra Costa County is the WORST place in the WORLD for allergies! Maybe that's why I keep seeing so many Benadryl (and the like) commericals. Cha-ching!

amen.

CitizenX.com - Vanessa's Spot

a new web cam "thingy" created by my friend John.

(I had to update since there will be new traffic... yeah right!)

Today is icky rainy and such. Tracy is in on the couch sniffing, poor thing, he's got a sinus infection. Me, just a little re-design is all. I think I'm about done (finally). I still need to update the photos and the links. It seems to strike at the times when I haven't time to do it.

I am off to fetch the the boy from Kristies. It was nice having quiet time and not having to feel guilty about leaving him, but I miss him. I know, I'm pathetic. But, can you balme me? He's so damn sweet, not to mention damn cute

This is incredibly awesome! No more lugging my CDs around, or getting bummed because I left the one I want at work!

Finally I have this up and running! Welcome to my blog!

This is perfect for my random prefrence of updating in bits. The way I always thought it should be!!