| its just my senior jinx. i cringed. my shoes - caught in the mud. getting dirt everywhere. dark and soft. fun to roll around in - not in new shoes. or worn-in jeans you love. he wasn't standing next to me. he didn't want to be muddy. even if his shoes weren't new at all. even if he seemed like the kind of boy who would... who would let his shoes get a little muddy. maybe just a little bit. stepping onto pavement i scrape the mud off my beautiful shoes. materialism. if i love anything - i love my shoes. constantly staring at me feet. constantly shy. afraid and anxious. shoes are good to stare at. i sat down. stared at the sky. when he said... when he said "alright lets go." i cringed. i couldn't believe it. i wanted to push him into the mud i wanted him to feel what i felt. i wanted him to see the sky i wanted him to understand me fer once. he sort of reached out his hand hoping i would take it. hoping i would come along. i stood up on my own. scraped more mud off my shoes. he looked at me with sad eyes so i stared at my feet. we walked and found table and chairs. some coffee and random people talking. we sat down across from eachother, able to look eachother in the eye fer once. i felt awful there. understanding his eyes. seeing hurt and a world silently crashing behind them. understanding the hurt bcuz i felt it too. distraction and frustration. you distract and frustrate me. he wouldn't speak to me. i concentrated on the babble the chatter of the other tables and chairs. the conversations about clothing and going out of the country and whatnot. falling apart and materialistic bullshit. cliches and music to fit the scenery. money is just paper and i'm just yer pounding headaches. the scratching in yer throat where words should be. bcuz we kept so quiet it felt like church. back. |