Crossroads
An Emergency! Slash story
By The Fairy Queen
********************
Come on baby let's get out of this town
I got a full tank of gas with the top rolled down
There's a chill in my bones
I don't want to be left alone
So baby you can sleep while I drive
You know I've seen it before
This mist that covers your eyes
You've been looking for something
That's not in your life
My intentions are true
Won't you take me with you
And baby you can sleep while I drive
Melissa Etheridge
~~~~~~~
"Roy, watch out!"
At Johnny's shouted warning, Roy half-turned, instinctively throwing up
one arm to protect his face even before he knew what it was he was protecting
himself from. A large flaming chunk of the old building's collapsing ceiling
hit him, and he staggered. His upraised arm and helmet deflected most of the
debris, but a spray of sparks showered him, some of them dancing down the
collar of his turnout coat.
Roy dropped the hose he was holding and twisted and flailed, trying to
get the cumbersome coat off. Suddenly Johnny was in front of him, pushing his
hands away and undoing the fastenings for him, pulling the coat off his
shoulders. Then he was leading Roy outside, away from the dense smoke and
crushing heat of the intense fire inside the abandoned greeting card factory.
Outside, Johnny gently pushed on Roy's shoulders, urging him to a seated
position on the back of the squad. He removed his partner's breathing apparatus
and gazed into his clear blue eyes. Roy seemed dazed, reminding Johnny of the
time Roy had become disoriented while fighting a blaze in a fancy single's bar.
He had been suffering from heat exhaustion then, and Johnny thought he might be
suffering from it again.
"Roy,
can you hear me? I'm gonna take your shirt off, I need to see if you have any
burns, okay?"
"'kay, Johnny," Roy tried to help his partner remove his
uniform shirt, now soaked with his sweat, but his fingers would not cooperate.
Again Johnny gently pushed his hands away and unfastened the buttons.
"John, what have we got? Is he okay?"
John turned to see Captain Stanley behind him, shouting to be heard above
the roaring of the fire and the general cacophony of so many men and so much
equipment engaged in the battle against the huge inferno.
This was the second four-alarm blaze in as many weeks in 29's district,
and the second time 51 had been called out as backup. The first fire had
quickly been ruled arson, and all indications pointed to this one being so as
well. Johnny squelched the sudden flare of anger that rose in him at the idea
of Roy being hurt in an arson fire. Firefighters realized and accepted the
risks they took fighting blazes as part of the job they did as public servants,
but a fire caused by an accident or an act of God was one thing - one caused by
some sick person's quest for a thrill was quite another.
"I'm not sure yet, Cap. He's acting a little out of it, and I think
he's got some burns on his back. A big piece of the ceiling fell on him. I'll
know more in a few minutes. Can you get the biophone for me?"
"Sure, pal."
While Cap set the phone up, Johnny finished removing Roy's shirt. As he
tugged the sleeves off Roy's arms, Roy leaned forward until his forehead rested
against Johnny's chest. "Johnny, 'm so tired," he slurred.
"It's okay, man, just take it easy. Cap, can you get me the oxygen,
too?" Johnny tried to move Roy to an upright position so that he could
look at his burns, but Roy resisted. Finally Johnny gave up, and let him rest
there until the Captain came back with the oxygen. Unable to resist the urge,
he brought one hand up to caress Roy's cheek. "Everything's gonna be all
right, Roy," he whispered, "I'll take care of you, okay? Just hang in
there." Roy responded by nestling deeper into Johnny's chest. Then Cap
appeared with the oxygen, and the moment was over.
Captain Stanley held Roy upright so that Johnny could put the oxygen on
him and treat the fortunately minor burns on Roy's neck and upper back. John
relayed Roy's vital signs to Dr. Early, who recommended immediate transport.
John left with Roy in the ambulance, and with the fire now under control, Cap
sent Chet to follow them to the hospital in the squad.
As the two vehicles pulled away, no one took notice of the tall blond
firefighter who had been watching the entire scene unfold. He wore an
expression of disdain that twisted his otherwise blandly handsome features into
an ugly mask of hatred.
~~~~~~~~~~
"Well, Roy, you do seem to have the luck of the Irish on your
side." Kelly Brackett removed the stethoscope from his ears and smiled
down at Roy, resting on the exam table.
Roy smiled weakly and dragged his arm across his brow, wiping away the
cold sweat that seemed determined to reform there just as soon as he removed
it. "Can I get out of here, then?"
"Sure, go on. Just keep ointment on those burns till they heal, and
don't go back into work today, all right? When is your next scheduled
shift?"
"Thursday."
"Well, I think you should be okay by then. Be your own judge, Roy.
If you feel up to going to work Thursday, you have my blessing. Today, go home
and rest."
"Thanks, doc."
"Sure." Brackett patted Roy's arm and left the room.
Johnny helped Roy sit up. "You still dizzy?"
"Not really. Just really, really tired."
"That's to be expected. Those burns hurt much?"
"Nah. I've had worse sunburns."
"I bet you have, paleface. C'mon, let's get you home."
"You can't go home with me, Johnny. Cap will be expecting you back
at the station."
"Don't freak out, Roy. I'll drive you home and then go back in. Cap
already okayed it." He handed Roy his wrinkled, rank smelling uniform
shirt with an evil gleam in his eye. "Make sure you take a shower before I
get home, okay?"
~~~~~~
Over his two days off Roy recovered quickly and with no complications.
When Thursday came, he was back on the job. The men of A shift were just
sitting down to a friendly game of poker when the tones sounded. "Squad
51, child sick, 104 Terry Road, cross street London, one zero four Terry Road,
time out, 14:49."
As the squad pulled out, the man sitting behind the wheel of the white
Dodge pickup truck parked across the street quickly slid down in his seat,
hiding from the paramedics. As soon as the squad was out of sight, he got out
of the truck and jogged across the street and into station 51.
Mike Stoker looked up from his book at the man walking into his station's
kitchen. He frowned slightly, then his face cleared. "Mark Miller!"
Mike put his book down and jumped to his feet. "How the hell are
you?" He grabbed Miller's hand and pumped it twice.
"Hi, Mike. Long time no see. How's your wife doing?"
"Oh, she's great, man. Gosh, good to see you. How's everything at
29's?"
"Just great, for now. We're still resting up from that last
firebug's job, and hoping like hell there ain't no more of 'em. Listen, Mike, I
need to talk to your Cap. He around?"
"Yeah, sure, he's in his office. I'll walk you over." The two
men left the kitchen and walked across the bay to Cap's office, the normally
reticent Mike Stoker chatting away excitedly. He and Mark Miller had gone
through training together, and had worked at the same station for two years.
Mike rapped on the Captain's office door. "Hey, Cap, I got someone I
want you to meet." Mike introduced the two men, who exchanged the usual
pleasantries. After a somewhat awkward silence, Miller cleared his throat.
"Hey, Mike, think you could give Captain Stanley and me a few minutes?"
"Oh. Oh, sure. Hey, no problem." Mike shook Miller's hand
again. "Really great to see you again, Mark. Don't be a stranger."
Cap motioned for Miller to take a seat. "How can I help you,
pal?"
Miller took a deep breath. "I'll get right down to it, Cap. How much
do you know about those two paramedics you got working out of this shift?"
Stanley frowned, somewhat taken aback by the abrupt question. "I'm
not sure what you mean."
Miller gestured impatiently. "I mean, doesn't it strike you as a
little bit weird that DeSoto moved in with Gage after he got divorced? I mean,
they already work together, and now they're living together. I mean, that's
gotta strike you as funny, if you know what I mean. It sure did me, from the
minute I heard about it."
Cap pushed himself back in his chair, a frown creasing his lean, handsome
face. "I don't think I like where you're going with this, Miller. Are you
insinuating something about Gage and DeSoto?"
"I'm
not insinuating anything! I'm outright telling you, Cap, those two guys are
homos!"
Stanley winced at the ugly phrase. "You're way off base, and you're
also way out of line, Miller. I won't have you coming into my station and
making those kinds of unsubstantiated remarks about my men." Stanley was
growing angry. "Even if what you're saying is true, which I don't believe
for a minute, why the hell do you care?"
Miller sputtered in disbelief. "Why do I care??? Me and my guys have
been working these arson fires with your station. We need to know that the guys
we have backing us up are dependable!"
Captain Stanley jumped to his feet and leaned forward, placing his hands
flat against his desk, his temper finally stoked to the boiling point. Even so,
he was careful to keep his voice down. "John Gage and Roy DeSoto are two of
the best firefighters in LA county. They are as dependable as they come,
mister. Now I think you better get out of here while you can still leave under
your own power!"
Cap stared across his desk at Miller, and despite his own anger, still
managed to be concerned at what he saw. Miller was enraged. His blue eyes
glittered with an almost insane frenzy, his face was flushed and sweating, and
he shook uncontrollably. When next he spoke, he sprayed the air with spittle.
"Me and my guys have been talking this over, and we all say it's
gotta stop, Cap! Those two guys don't belong in the fire department! They're a
disgrace to all of us! If you don't do something about those guys, we will! We
already decided! We're going to McConakee! We'll just see what he's got to say
about Station 51 letting this kind of thing continue!"
"Miller, get out of my station. And don't come back. If you do, I
will have your head on a platter, understand me? You're damn lucky I don't
report you to your Captain for this." Stanley stared coldly at the
trembling, red-faced man who stood before him clenching his fists. "What
you're doing is called 'slander', Miller. Keep doing it, and you'll find
yourself in a hell of a lot more trouble than what I can give you. Now get the
hell out." Cap fell back into his chair, furious and disturbed.
Miller turned on his heel and almost flew out of the building, passing
three open mouthed, staring fire fighters on his way out the door. Mike called
to him, but he didn't even slow down. Mike, Marco and Chet exchanged worried
glances. What the hell had that all been about? Captain Stanley appeared in the
doorway of his office. "Stoker, can I talk to you for a minute?"
Mike walked into the Cap's office, still shaking his head in amazement.
Before he closed the door in their faces, Chet and Marco heard Cap say,
"Tell me everything you know about this guy, Mike."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I'm serious, Roy! I think we have a real chance of winning the
inventions competition this year! This invention will revolutionize
firefighting!" Johnny leaned back against the seat and scratched his head,
frowning slightly. "If I can just figure out a way to get around the
explosion risk.."
Roy smothered a grin. "Well, it's got a better chance of winning
than Chet's human fly shoes, anyway. But then, what wouldn't?"
"Oh, ha ha. Very funny. Listen, when we get back to the station, you
have to help me work the bugs out, okay?"
Roy groaned. The last thing he wanted right now was to be coerced into
helping Johnny with one of his harebrained schemes. He gripped the steering
wheel tightly and stretched in his seat, then rolled his head around on his
neck. He was very tense, and couldn't seem to relax. This call had been a tough
one, as all the ones involving children were.
The sick child turned out to be an 18-month-old baby who was listless and
non-responsive, with a very high fever. All sorts of scenarios played out in
Roy's head as he treated the infant. . . meningitis, leukemia, there were so
many horrible things that could cause the symptoms the little girl presented.
When Dr. Early diagnosed the flu and told the girl's parents she would be just
fine after rehydration and a few days of rest, the child's mother burst into
tears of relief. Roy had felt like weeping as well. It was times like this he
realized just how much he missed seeing his own children every day.
"Hello, earth to Roy. Are you going to help me?"
"I don't know, Johnny. I think I'd like to maybe watch a little TV
when we get back, just try to unwind a little."
Roy could swear Johnny actually pouted. "Oh, okay. Sure. Fine.
Whatever." And he leaned back against the seat, arms crossed across his
chest, wearing the petulant look Roy knew all too well. Roy sighed. Why did he
have the feeling he'd be out in the station's back yard helping Johnny with his
invention five minutes from now?
Roy backed the squad into the bay, and Johnny barely gave it time to stop
before he hopped out, headed toward the bay's back doors. Roy started to call
to him to wait, he was coming, when Captain Stanley appeared in the doorway of
his office, wearing a serious expression. Mike Stoker stood behind him, looking
both concerned and something else that Roy couldn't quite put a name to.
"Roy, John, can I see you both in here for a minute?"
Roy and Johnny exchanged worried glances. What sort of trouble were they
in now?
"Have a seat, guys. Mike, close the door for me, okay Pal?"
Mike nodded and left. Johnny tried to meet Mike's eyes as he walked past John's
chair, hoping for some kind of clue to what might be going on, but Mike
studiously avoided his gaze. Johnny was beginning to get a very, very bad
feeling about this.
With Mike gone, Roy and Johnny turned expectantly to their captain.
Neither man showed it outwardly, but inside they were both wrenched with
apprehension. Neither had seen Cap this serious since they'd been accused of
being thieves. Whatever Stanley was about to tell them, they were certain it
wasn't going to be good.
"I don't know how to say this, this is really putting me in a spot,
I don't think I've ever had anything quite this . . . unusual . . . happen
before. . ." Cap realized he was babbling, and started over. "While
you guys were gone, I had a visitor, fireman by the name of Mark Miller, from
29s. Either of you guys know him?"
"No, Cap, not me."
"Never heard of him, Cap."
"Well, he knows you two. And Stoker knows him, they went through
training together. Mike says he's a standup guy, he's been commended twice for
bravery above and beyond." Cap sighed deeply. He felt as though he was
supporting the weight of the world on his shoulders, and much, much older than
his 37 years. "Unfortunately, he also had some rather - disturbing things
to say."
The suspense finally became too much for Roy, and he spoke up, his voice
a bit higher than usual, as it usually became when he was stressed. "Cap,
please, what did he say?"
Stanley sucked in a huge breath and forged ahead. "He implied that,
hell, no he didn't imply, he came out and told me that you two guys are, are
involved with each other. In a sexual way."
Everything switched to slow motion for Roy. He suddenly felt as though he
was trying to breathe molasses, he had such trouble getting enough air into his
lungs. His mouth fell open, and he took a few gasping breaths. A thousand denials
sprang to his lips, but he couldn't get his mouth to work. Captain Stanley's
concerned face wavered and faded, and playing out before his eyes, almost as if
he were watching a movie, Roy saw himself and Johnny being relieved of duty and
drummed out of the fire department. He saw his ex wife's face as she stood
before a judge in family court, telling a stern faced, disapproving judge that
Roy was unfit to see his children. He saw his coworkers, his brothers in the
fire department, turning their backs in disgust when they saw Johnny or him.
"ROY!" Jolted out of his dismal reverie, Roy startled violently
and looked up to see Captain Stanley and Johnny both staring at him in alarm.
"Roy, are you going to pass out?"
Roy tried to speak, and nothing came out but a distressed squeak. He
cleared his throat and tried again. "No, Cap, I'm okay." Roy leaned
forward, elbows braced against his thighs, hands dangling between his splayed
legs, clenched tightly together to keep them from shaking. He took deep, measured
breaths, but still feared at any moment he was going to throw up, or faint, or
both. The blood roared in his ears so loudly he couldn't hear what either of
the other two men was saying. Roy was dimly aware that he was leaving Johnny to
defend them alone, but it couldn't be helped. He was paralyzed.
Johnny reluctantly dragged his attention away from his distressed partner
after Captain Stanley had called his name twice, and stared mutely at his
superior, his dark eyes wide and glittering. He thought he was better off than
Roy, who looked like a terrified rabbit ready to bolt for his burrow at any
second, but not by much. He knew Captain Stanley expected them to deny the
allegations, but Johnny couldn't bring himself to do it.
"Johnny,
I have to admit this isn't quite the response I expected, from either of
you." Hank Stanley was stunned. Looking at his two men, he realized he
didn't need to hear anything further from either of them. Roy's panicked near
catatonia and the usually overly garrulous Johnny Gage's muteness gave him all
the confirmation he needed.
Hank struggled with his dilemma. Part of him told him that this was none
of his business, but the other part, the part that felt like a surrogate father
to his men, needed to know what he was dealing with.
"Look, guys. Oh, good Lord. I don't think I need to hear either of
you say anything that's going to make you uncomfortable. I'm assuming that your
silence isn't caused merely by the shock of Miller's claims. Before we go any
further, does either of you want to deny what he said?"
His question was met by matching stares from equally pale and stricken
faces. Neither man said a word.
Cap buried his face in his hands. His head ached. In fifteen years in the
LA County fire department, he'd never had to deal with anything remotely like
this. Hank Stanley wasn't a bigot. Especially when it came to the men he worked
with, he didn't care what anyone's color, background, or religion might be, as
long as he did his job. He supposed he didn't care what their sexual
orientation might be either. It's just that he'd never thought about it much.
Stanley rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands and groaned aloud. Then he
came to a decision based on instinct and gut feeling, based on his feelings for
and experiences with the two men sitting in front of him, looking as miserable
as condemned men going to the gallows. He hoped he wouldn't live to regret that
decision.
"Okay, guys, this is the way it's going to be. This conversation
will never go beyond this room." Roy's head snapped up, and he and Johnny
stared at Hank in disbelief. Stanley ignored their incredulity and continued.
"As far as I'm concerned, this discussion never took place. I'm not
going to go into my personal feelings about, uh, about your living situation,
I'll just say that you can rest assured that my feelings about your competence
as firefighters and paramedics hasn't changed a whit."
Roy felt tears spring to his eyes, and blinked furiously, pushing them
away. He'd be damned if he'd cry in front of Stanley, but he could scarcely
believe what he was hearing. For the first time since Stanley had told them
what Miller had said, he started to hope that they might walk out of this
office with their lives still somewhat intact. He realized that Cap was still
talking.
". . . don't care what you do in your off hours as long as it
doesn't affect the job. I just want you both to remember that in this job, your
very life depends on your coworkers. I'm sure you know that there are going to
be plenty of them who feel like Miller does. They are going to violently
disapprove of your uh, situation." Cap grimaced, and Roy almost felt sorry
for him. This couldn't be easy for him, either. "I just want you to be
discreet, is all. Be CAREFUL, is what I'm saying. This Miller doesn't strike me
as the kind of guy who's going to give up on this. He's got a wild hair
tickling his ass, and he's not going to just let this go. If he convinces
enough of the other guys that he knows what he's talking about, and I think
there's a real chance he might, you guys are going to be in for some rough
times. I hope you're ready for them."
Stanley stood and John and Roy hastily followed suit. Cap stopped his
front of them, looking down sympathetically into their faces.
"Look, guys, you just have to give me some time to mull this over.
But you know you can still come to me with any problems you have. I'm still
here for you, just the same as I was yesterday, and just like I will be
tomorrow. Okay?"
"Thanks, Cap," Johnny said, and he and Roy left, Johnny urging
his still somewhat dazed partner out the door.
Cap took his chair again, and rocked slowly back and forth, his chin
cupped in one hand. He almost felt like laughing, remembering how everyone at
the station and the hospital had been saying their names like they were one
word almost from the start. GageandDeSoto. It was a mighty short step from
there to the realization of what it meant that these two men who worked
together and lived together were more than "just friends". He
couldn't believe he hadn't seen it before. Now that he knew the truth, it
seemed ridiculously obvious. He just hoped that it wouldn't seem as obvious to
anyone who might not share his fond feelings for Johnny and Roy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Squad 51 had three more runs before bedtime, and Johnny and Roy were
extremely grateful for each one. They welcomed the opportunity to leave the
confines of the station house, where the atmosphere was pregnant with tension.
Chet, Marco and Mike tiptoed around them, obviously privy to what Miller had
said to Captain Stanley but loathe to bring it up. To their credit, none of
them acted disgusted or repelled by their coworkers, just concerned. Johnny was
still disturbed by Mike's reluctance to meet his or Roy's eyes, though. Mike
was quiet, sure, but he wasn't timid or bashful. He'd never before been so cool
to either man, and it bothered Johnny a lot. He didn't have time to really
worry about it, however. He and Roy had tacitly agreed to wait until they got
home to discuss the situation, and for the time being all he could think of was
what they were going to say to each other when the time came.
They
both lay awake that night in their separate bunks, watching as the headlights
of the cars passing out on the street played across the ceiling of the dorm.
Johnny wanted desperately to go to Roy and hold him, or at least talk, but he
knew that circumstances made it impossible. He knew Roy was awake too, and it
pained him that they had to suffer this way, so close to each other physically
and yet miles apart. He turned over onto his side and buried his face into the
pillow. He couldn't say for certain what the fallout would be now that that
Mark Miller's accusations were out and sure to soon be the topic of gossip in
every station house in the county, but he knew it was nothing he was looking
forward to. He worried even more for Roy than for himself. Once Johnny had
heard Roy deny being Catholic, but sometimes Johnny doubted him. Even if he
wasn't, he certainly had a Catholic's guilt. Johnny was fatalistically certain
that Roy would find a way to make himself the scapegoat for this whole
calamity.
Finally, without even realizing he was close to falling, he drifted off
to slumber troubled by disjointed, anxious dreams. When he woke the next
morning, he only remembered the last one. In it, Roy was in dire straits, all
alone in a raging sea of fire, without protective gear or breathing apparatus,
being slowly and agonizingly consumed by the flames as Johnny watched
helplessly. As Johnny pulled on his turnout pants and listened to Cap signal
Station 51 on for the shift, he hoped the dream was not, as he feared, a
portent of their future together.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Morning was as strained as the night before had been. Mike continued to
avoid both men, Chet nervously cracked lousy jokes that fell flat, and Marco
just looked at them sadly. Johnny sorrowfully wondered if he would ever again
share a cup of coffee with these men and not feel as awkward as a whore on the
front pew at church. As soon as Dwyer and Bellingham arrived to relieve them
for the shift, Johnny and Roy hastily left for home, not even bothering with
the usual farewells.
The drive back to their shared apartment was broken only by the
occasional banal comment. Now that they could talk freely, neither could seem
to find the heart or nerve to begin. As he followed Roy through the front door,
Johnny realized as painful as it would undoubtedly be, they had to clear the
air. As Roy started for the bedroom John stopped him with a word. Roy froze, swaying
in the middle of the room as if unsure whether to keep moving forward or turn
back. Finally, with a sigh, he turned.
"We have to talk."
"I know."
Staring across the room at each other, the ten feet between them seemed
like an unbridgeable abyss.
"I think I should move out." Roy said finally. Shock like an
electric current ran through Johnny.
"WHAT? Are you crazy? What the hell would that prove, Roy?
That Miller is right?"
"He is right, Johnny." Very quietly.
John threw up his arms in frustration. "Yeah, but . . that's not the
point! It's none of his fucking business what we do!"
"He's made it his business. You can't really be that naïve," he
snapped suddenly, and Johnny flinched at Roy's brusque tone. "What do you
think we are playing at here? We got involved, obviously we got careless, and
we got found out. You aren't going to make this go away by telling Miller to
mind his own business." Roy groaned in frustration and dropped into a
chair.
"He's threatened by us, Johnny. And he's not likely to be the only
one. Once this becomes common knowledge, and don't you doubt for one damn
minute that that's going to happen, and soon, there are guys who are going to
give us holy hell over this."
"The world's most macho profession," Johnny said ironically.
"Something like that. All I'm saying is, it can't hurt to pull back
a bit, give us some room."
"It would hurt me, Roy." Johnny closed the space between them
to stand in front of his partner. "Neither of us has had enough time to
really digest all this yet. I mean, I'm not saying I know what we ought to do,
but I do think that we should at least wait and see what happens before either
of us goes off doing something both of us will regret. Hell, maybe nothing more
will come of it."
Roy
gave him a peevish look, and Johnny set his jaw stubbornly. "It could
happen. Miller has no proof, after all. We haven't told anyone, and we haven't
been demonstrative in public. Nobody knows for sure but us. And Cap. And
whatever his personal feelings, Cap's not going to rat us out."
"I know that."
"Then what?"
Roy looked up at him, wearing a tormented expression that tore at
Johnny's heart. "I have so much to lose, Johnny."
Johnny knelt on the carpet between Roy's feet and took his hands into his
own. "You mean the kids?"
"Yeah. If this gets out . . . I mean, I think Joanne suspects, but
she's never really made an issue of it because after all, she was having an
affair long before anything happened between us. She didn't want to risk my
using that against her in the divorce. But if it were to become common
knowledge, even commonly believed suspicion, then I'm not sure what she might
do."
"You can't believe that, Roy. Joanne knows you love those kids, and
that they need their father."
"They have Jim," Roy's voice was filled with derision as he
referred to his ex-wife's new husband.
"Maybe, but Jim isn't their real father. You are, they love you, and
Joanne knows it. She's too caring a mother to hurt her own children just to get
back at you."
Roy pulled free of Johnny's grip and scrubbed at his face with both
hands. "Maybe you're right. I don't know. Christ, I'm so tired. I barely
slept all night."
"I know how you feel." Johnny pulled one of Roy's hands away
from his face and began to examine it as if he'd never seen it before, kissing
the palm, running his lips over the wrist and each long elegant finger by turn,
soft, butterfly light kisses with no more substance than spun sugar.
"Maybe you need a sleeping pill."
Roy growled and tried to pull Johnny to him, but Johnny resisted and
instead managed to pull Roy out of his chair, so that they lay on the floor
together. They grappled for domination for only a moment, until Roy ceded the
lead to Johnny. Johnny kissed him desperately, as if he would devour him.
Roy brought his hands up to grip Johnny's shoulders, pulling him down,
pulling him closer, losing himself in the consuming heat radiating from his
partner's body. Neither uttered a sound, they wound together in silence, not
gentle, urgent and demanding, roughness born of desperation and fear.
Johnny's fingers groped at the front of Roy's shirt, his usually clever
fingers clumsy with desire. With a snarl of frustration, he jerked the shirt
open, sending buttons flying across the room like tiny missiles. They pinged
daintily when they hit the polished wooden floor.
Johnny roughly tore the shirt off and tossed it aside. The two men
grappled together, impatiently ridding themselves of the rest of their binding
clothing. Naked, Johnny straddled Roy's thighs and pinned his arms down, and
Roy let him. John leaned forward and laved Roy's chest, smoothing the thick
downy hair down with his tongue before latching firmly onto one rosy nub of a
nipple, suckling gently.
He ran his hands over the muscular body beneath him, down the taut muscle
of chest and abdomen, combing his fingers through the incredibly soft thick
hair covering his lover's chest, so foreign compared to his own smooth skin.
His fingers followed the line of hair down the center of Roy's stomach to dance
through the wiry nest of curls at his groin, darker than the reddish blond fur
that covered the rest of Roy's body.
Roy groaned and arched upward, urging Johnny wordlessly to take him into
his mouth, to relieve him of his suffering, but Johnny resisted. He wasn't nearly
done admiring his partner. Sometimes Roy's physical beauty made Johnny ache.
Roy could be self-conscious about his looks, his tendency to pack on a bit of
extra weight if he wasn't scrupulously careful, but Johnny never understood his
concerns. To him, Roy was exquisite. Period. Now, in the soft morning daylight
that streamed into the otherwise unlit room, he seemed to glow from within. His
pale skin glistened with a light sheen of sweat, and the weak illumination
picked up the copper tones in his fair hair, making it shimmer.
Johnny lay full length upon Roy, doing his best to cover Roy's large
muscular body with his own wiry one. He ran his hands over Roy's back,
squeezing his ass cheeks, showering his face with kisses, worshipping him.
Moving his lips from Roy's eyelids, marveling at the thick pale lashes that
adorned them, to the hard curve of nose to the roughness of unshaven cheek to
the unimaginable softness of lips.
Then John was working his way down his lover's body, his sweaty skin
sticking to Roy's, writhing against him in a way that pulled a breathless curse
from the older man's lips. Finally he lay between Roy's thighs, kissing and
nuzzling and caressing with his lips and tongue every area except the one Roy
most wanted attending.
At last he lowered his head and gave Roy's cock a teasing lick, making
him groan and twist convulsively, almost breaking Johnny's grip, but John held
on. He nibbled at Roy's inner thighs, biting gently then quickly soothing the
tiny sharp pains with his tongue until Roy could no longer separate the
sensations of pleasure and pain.
Then he was sucking Roy's balls into his unimaginably talented mouth,
rolling them with his tongue, letting them dribble out to blow on them gently,
cool air that made the dusky skin wrinkle, made the glands pull even closer to
Roy's body, made the tortured man moan loudly in frustration.
As Johnny nibbled up along the length of his cock and back down again,
Roy realized his hands were buried in Johnny's thick hair, urging him closer.
Johnny obliged, finally pulling Roy's cock deep into his mouth. Roy thrust
upward helplessly, pushing himself down Johnny's throat.
Johnny continued to work the other man's cock with his mouth, noting with
satisfaction the exact moment that the muscles in Roy's legs begin to tremble
violently, signaling his impending climax. When the signs were unmistakable, he
pulled off.
Roy let out a wail that sounded something like a cat being strangled.
Before he could protest further, Johnny slid up his body and claimed his mouth
with wild ferocity, and Roy froze, tasting the bitter slick of his own
pre-ejaculate on Johnny's tongue.
Johnny pulled away and reached past Roy's head to the table next to the
chair Roy had been sitting in earlier, jerking the drawer out with such
strength that it flew all the way out, its contents raining down upon the two
men. Johnny ignored the shower of odds and ends and seized upon his prize with
a soft sound of satisfaction, a small tube of the same lubricant they kept in
the drug box. Roy had just enough time to wonder dazedly if Johnny had lube
stashed away in every conceivable nook and cranny in the small apartment before
Johnny was rearranging his legs, pulling them up so that his ankles rested on
his shoulders, roughly shoving the cool goo into his opening, followed seconds
later by his cock.
Roy's fingers scrabbled at the floor, seeking some kind of purchase, but
it wasn't necessary, Johnny had a death grip on his thighs, so he contented
himself with alternately running his hands over his own chest and caressing the
sleek, sweat slicked skin of Johnny's chest, nails scratching delicately at the
pebbled nubs of nipples he found there. Johnny was thrusting into him and he
was pushing back hard, taking everything he was being given and demanding more.
He watched John's face, wearing the seriocomic expression of intense
concentration he knew so well, sweat beading and rolling down his lean face to
drip off his chin. After what felt like a year or two, Johnny froze, buried to
the hilt inside his partner's body so deep Roy thought he could feel cock in
his throat, and came.
He felt every single twitch of the spasming organ inside him, and it was
too much. With a bone deep groan, he shook, feeling himself clench around the
still hard column of flesh inside him as he climaxed himself. Reality began to
swim away, and he was conscious of nothing but sweat and semen and a hard,
heavy body collapsing on top of him, his legs automatically wrapping around
Johnny's, arms going around his back, pulling him close, turning his head to
one side as Johnny's face dropped forward to burrow into his neck.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Three grim faced men sat at one end of the long, rectangular table in the
station house kitchen, sipping strong black coffee and having one of the most
serious conversations of their lives. It was just after one in the morning, and
the other men on their shift were all asleep in the dorm.
"Guys, this is Johnny Gage we're talking about. Chicks love that
Gage, am I right?"
"Do they really, Chet?" Marco asked. "I mean, how long
have we all known Johnny? About four years, right? In all that time, how many
real relationships has he had? Johnny has never been able to keep a girl longer
than a few days or weeks at the most. And didn't he always seem more relieved
than torn up when they dumped him?"
Chet squirmed. As much as he hated to admit it, Marco had a point. Chet
had always thought that Johnny just didn't want to commit to any one woman,
something Chet himself could well understand, but based on what they all now
suspected, he wasn't nearly so sure anymore. He wondered if maybe Johnny's
lousy luck with women had been due simply to Johnny's lack of interest in
keeping a relationship with a woman going.
"Okay, then, what about Roy? He was married for what, ten years?
What about that?"
"I don't know," Marco admitted. "That's harder to figure
out. But Roy's not married any more, is he? Have either of you seen him with a
girl since his divorce? Heard him talk about a woman? Mention having been on a
date?" Marco leaned forward and cradled his chin on his fists. "Okay,
we know they're living together. I admit after Roy moved in with Johnny after
his divorce, I thought it was a little odd. I mean, I didn't really at first,
since it was right after Johnny got shot and it seemed, I dunno, normal that
Roy would want to be there for Johnny while he was recovering. But once Johnny
came back to work and Roy didn't move out, didn't any of you think that was a
little weird?"
Chet
nodded vigorously. "Yeah, and another thing. Whenever Roy and John have
the day off, what do they do? They go somewhere together, right? Usually take
off to the mountains to go camping or something." He paused, pondering.
"They work together, and live together, and spend their days off together
. . . man, I know married couples who don't spend that much time together! I
just can't believe it took somebody else bringing it to our attention for us to
realize it. What a bunch of bozos!"
"Hey, speak for yourself, Chet," Marco protested.
Chet ignored him. "Okay, so then we agree. As hard as it is to
believe, Mark Miller is right. John and Roy are, are. . ."
"Gay."
"What?" Chet and Marco chorused, staring at Mike who had just
spoken for the first time all evening.
"Gay. That's the word you're looking for. Unless you'd like to say
queer, or homosexual. What difference does it make? They're all just
labels."
Chet and Marco exchanged a look. "How do you feel about this, Mike?
I mean, Miller is your friend. We all heard what he said to Cap that day. He's
not going to make things easy on Roy and Johnny," Chet said.
Mike was silent for so long that the other two men were beginning to
think he wasn't going to answer. Finally he said, "I don't think it
matters how I feel about John and Roy's personal life. What matters is how we
all feel about their ability to do their jobs." He moved restlessly in his
chair. "We all have to watch each other's backs out there. We have to be
able to depend on each other, without hesitation. Right? So do you two believe
you can depend on Roy and John to be there, willing to eat smoke for you if it
came down to it?"
Now it was Chet and Marco's turn to be silent. Chet was the first to
speak. "I've always trusted John and Roy to back me up. I never had a
second thought about either of them not living up to the requirements of the
job. I think they've both proved over and over that they are as capable as any
one of us." He hesitated. "More capable than some guys I know."
"And your opinion hasn't changed."
"No."
"Marco?"
"I feel the same way. I'd trust either John or Roy with my life in a
second."
Mike nodded slowly. "Good. That's just the way I feel, too."
"But what about Miller, Mike?" Marco persisted.
Mike frowned. "I don't know. I guess I could try talking to him, but
I'm not sure it would do much good. Mark is . . . kinda different. He's an A
one fireman, but he's got some peculiar ideas sometimes. When he and I were in
training together, he used to get really pissed off if he didn't come out first
in every single test and drill. He drove himself harder than any man I've ever
known. And he's a bigot." Mike shrugged. "I've always known that
about him, but I accepted it. I suppose that was wrong, but the guy is one of
the best, you know? I guess I admired him, and that made it easy to overlook
his flaws." Mike sighed deeply. "But if I have to choose between
supporting John and Roy and my friendship with Mark Miller, Mark's gonna lose.
I've seen Johnny and Roy save too many lives that would've been lost otherwise.
My loyalty lies with them," he finished simply.
Marco and Chet nodded slowly. As if rehearsed, each man brought his
coffee mug up and clinked it gently against the others. They all knew that the
matter was resolved, at least for them.
Every light in the station flashed on, and the claxons blared.
"Station 29, truck 8, Battalion 14, Station 51, structure fire, 1211
Industrial Drive, one two one one Industrial Drive, time out 01:47."
"Oh, geeze, that's 29's territory. I sure hope it's not another
arson." Chet spoke for all of them as the men of 51 ran for their
vehicles.
The scene at the warehouse on Industrial Drive was chaos in every sense
of the word. Emergency vehicles crowded the building's vast parking lot and
spilled over into the adjacent street. The building was fully involved, with
heavy black smoke and flames roiling out of the building's many broken windows.
Hank Stanley swung down from the engine and almost literally ran into
Chief McConakee.
"Where do you need us, Chief?"
"We have three points of ignition, Hank. Twenty-nine and six are
working on them; one is at the east side of the first floor, another at the
south end of the first floor, and the third appears to be on the second floor.
Can you get your guys up there to help locate that hot spot?"
"You got it, Chief." McConakee nodded and trotted off.
Following Hank's orders, Chet and Marco pulled two inch-and-a-halves. After
Mike had charged the lines and they had their breathing gear on, they dragged
their hoses into the building, staggering a bit under the incredible force of
the water shooting through the lines.
John and Roy began setting up their equipment near the squad, preparing
to treat any firefighters who might be overcome by smoke or heat, or injured by
falling debris. The next few hours passed quickly as the men fought to bring
the blaze under control. Johnny and Roy treated minor burns, bumps, smoke
inhalation and soot filled eyes, but fortunately nothing truly serious.
Finally the blaze was contained, and the weary men of 51 began the
arduous task of packing up their gear to return to the station, to perhaps get
a few hours of sleep before they had to face the morning. Roy and John were
discussing the most efficient way to repack the decimated drug box when a clear
voice rang out in the now eerily still, smoky morning air.
"Hey,
Gage, how do you fit four fags on one barstool? Turn it upside down!"
Raucous laughter followed the vile gag. Johnny's head snapped up and he was
halfway to where the four laughing, jeering firefighters stood before Roy could
catch up with him. Roy reached out and snagged the collar of Johnny's turnout
coat, just managing to stop him in his tracks. Johnny began to struggle
furiously, but Roy held on.
"Johnny, stop! It's not worth it!" Johnny twisted in Roy's
grasp. He was livid, and out for blood. "Lemme go, Roy, Goddamn it!"
"Johnny, use your head! You're just playing right into their
hands!"
"Hey, look at 'em! They're having a lover's spat!" One of the
voices shouted, and there was more laughter.
Roy put both hands on both John's shoulders and stared into his eyes.
"Johnny, listen to me. This will solve nothing. In fact, it's certain to
make things worse. The only recourse we have is to ignore them, not fly off the
handle and give them ammunition to use against us." Roy gazed imploringly
into Johnny's face. "Johnny, please. Let it go." Finally, with one
last, murderous look at the knot of firefighters who were still catcalling and
laughing, Johnny allowed Roy to turn him around and they started back towards
the squad. Mark Miller watched them go. 'Round one goes to the good guys,' he
thought with malicious glee, and smiled to himself.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Roy did a lot of thinking over the next few hours. Even after they
returned to the station house and everyone else slept, he lay awake, thinking.
He listened to Johnny's soft breathing, broken by the occasional snuffle or
muttered, unintelligible word, and smiled sadly to himself. Those sounds were
like music to him. He fell asleep every night to those sounds, whether John lay
in the bunk next to his, or next to him in bed at home. A sudden wave of pain
passed through him, and he squeezed his eyes closed. 'Dear Lord,' he thought,
'where am I going to find the strength?"
Three hours later Roy and Johnny finally walked through the front door of
their apartment.
"Thank God! Man, am I ever glad to be home." Johnny headed
straight for the kitchen and the coffeepot. Roy followed him slowly. "Want
some coffee?"
"No, thanks."
Johnny put the pot down and turned to Roy with an lascivious grin.
"I get you. Straight to bed, then? We do have some catching up to do. Oh,
and we could even get some sleep, too."
Roy smiled in spite of himself. "Johnny, we have to talk."
Johnny groaned. "Jesus, Roy, not again! I thought we got everything
settled the last time."
"Johnny, we got nothing settled the last time! You said we shouldn't
worry, that maybe Miller's visit to Cap would be the end of it. Well, obviously
it wasn't, was it? We are in a serious situation here, Johnny. We have to
figure out what to do."
Johnny set his jaw stubbornly, and mentally Roy compared him quite
uncharitably to a mule. "I know what we have to do. We have to go on like
we always have. I'm not letting some bigoted idiot come between us."
Johnny crossed the kitchen to take hold of Roy's hands. "You were right
back there, Roy. I almost let my temper get the better of me, but I promise it
won't happen again."
"It's not just that, Johnny. It's like I told you before, I just
can't afford to have this kind of thing become common knowledge. Joanne. .
."
Johnny dropped Roy's hands and glared at him coldly. "That's what's
worrying you? What your fucking ex-wife thinks about you?"
Roy felt himself getting angry. "Yeah, that's what worrying me. My
fucking ex-wife, the same fucking ex-wife who has my KIDS. The kids I might
never get to see again if she decides to make a big deal out of this!" Roy
dropped his voice, pleading. "That's not all we have to consider, Johnny.
Can't you stop being pig headed long enough to consider what's going to happen
to us if the powers that be in the department get wind of this? There will be
an investigation, and I can't lie. I couldn't lie to Cap, I can't lie to
anyone. We CAN'T go on like we always have, Johnny. We just can't afford
to."
Johnny stared at him, stunned. "What exactly are you saying?"
Roy couldn't meet his eyes. "I'm moving out. As soon as possible.
I'm going to check into a hotel and start looking for an apartment. I'm sorry,
Johnny. It's the best thing for both of us, for our careers, for my kids."
"Roy, you can't." Johnny felt himself starting to panic.
"I love you, Roy. I live for you. You can't leave me!"
Roy choked. "Johnny, please. Don't make this any harder than it
already is. You know I love you, and I always will. But we can't keep living
together, and we can't keep . . . we can't continue this relationship. We both
have too much to lose."
"No, you're the one who keeps talking about what you have to lose!
Your kids, your fucking job! What about me? The only thing I care if I lose is
you!"
"Johnny, you're not really losing me. We'll still be working
together, we'll still see each other. We'll always be close in a way that most
people can't hope to experience. And I'm not only worried about what I have to
lose in this. When you calm down and think about it, you'll realize I'm doing
this for both of us, Johnny. You told me once that your dream of being a
fireman in LA County was the only thing that helped you survive your childhood.
We both know that the fire department is the most important thing in your life,
right? It's your family."
"You're my family, Roy," Johnny said softly, pleadingly, and
Roy's heart broke. He reached within himself and drew upon reserves of strength
he hadn't known he possessed.
"I'm sorry."
Johnny turned his back so that Roy wouldn't see the tears welling up in
his eyes. He didn't bother to argue. He knew Roy well enough to know when he
could work his charm on Roy and get him to do whatever Johnny wanted, and he
knew when Roy had made up his mind and would not be swayed, regardless of what
Johnny might do.
"Johnny, I'll see you at work." Roy said softly. Johnny didn't
answer. The slamming of the front door sounded to him exactly like the sound of
his life falling into a thousand pieces around him.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Johnny paused for a moment before pushing open the swinging door to the
station locker room. He knew Roy was there, he'd seen his car when he pulled
into the station's back yard. Today would be their first shift together since
the fiasco with Mark Miller and his cronies at the fire on Industrial Drive, a
fire which to no one's surprise had been ruled another arson.
He'd talked to Roy only once in the two days since he'd walked out of
their apartment, when Roy called him to give him the name of the hotel he'd
checked into. It was near the station, Roy explained, really very nice, with a
pool and workout room, he could get a discount by paying by the week until he'd
found an apartment. . . Johnny listened in stony silence until Roy ran out of
steam, and the uncomfortable silence between them lengthened.
"Roy, come back. Please."
"Johnny, I can't. Please, let's not go over the same ground again.
I'm not going to change my mind, and talking about it just hurts us both."
"No, Roy, what's hurting me is not talking, it's having you throw
away our relationship over one ignorant, troublemaking bigot. I can't believe
that what we had, HAVE, dammit, means so little to you."
Roy sighed. "You know that's not the way it is at all, Johnny. I
love you more than anyone in the world, next to my kids. Johnny, please try to
understand. Chris and Brandy need me. My dad died when I was six, and I know
what it's like to grow up without a father." Roy paused, and when he
continued his voice was filled with anger. "And I'll be GODDAMNED if I'll
let Jim do my job for me! They're MY kids, I love them, and I'll by God be the
only father they have." His voice softened again, became pleading.
"Johnny, they're my babies. The only children I'll likely ever have now. .
. "
"Because of me, right?"
"What?"
"You said the only kids you'll ever likely have. Because of me,
right? Because I corrupted you, turned you queer, right?"
"I didn't say that. Don't put words in my mouth, Johnny!"
"Why don't you just talk to Joanne, Roy? You may be worrying over
nothing. Maybe she'll understand. Give her a chance!"
"I can't do that. You know Joanne's father was a minister, John. A
BAPTIST minister. She doesn't exactly hate gays, or anyone, but she's not the
most enlightened person when it comes to accepting anyone who's different.
She'd never accept this, I know it. I just can't risk it."
"And you really think she'd keep you from seeing your kids if she
knew?"
"I don't KNOW, Johnny," Roy's voice was filled with anguish.
"Can't you understand that I just can't risk finding out?"
"Fine. I'll see you at the station, Roy. Goodbye."
That was two days ago. Johnny had spent the time between that phone call
and this moment in misery, hanging around his apartment, too proud to call Roy,
hoping Roy would call him back. He hadn't.
Johnny sighed and pushed the door open. There was no reason to put off
the inevitable any longer. Roy sat on the bench in front of his locker, taking
off his shoes. He was still in his street clothes, wearing jeans and the faded
blue and white plaid shirt that Johnny loved to see him in because it made his
blue eyes seem luminous. He glanced up when Johnny came in, and they both
froze, eyes locked.
Johnny managed to find his voice first. "Morning, everybody,"
he said evenly, amazed that his voice sounded so normal.
"Morning, Gage," Chet replied, and turned to look at Marco, who
stood next to him buttoning his shirt.
"Morning, John," Marco said, meeting Chet's gaze. Neither of
them had seen or talked to Johnny or Roy since the last shift ended and so had
not known anything was amiss until that morning when Roy arrived. Even Chet,
not anyone's idea of a sensitive or perceptive person, could tell immediately
that something was wrong. The happy, life loving sparkle was gone from Roy's
eyes.
"Morning, Johnny," Roy said quietly.
"Roy."
Johnny crossed to his locker and began to undress in silence. Chet
gestured, Marco nodded, and silently they left the room.
"How have you been?" Roy asked tentatively.
"Fine. You?"
"Oh, fine. The, uh, the hotel is really nice. It has an indoor pool.
. ."
"You told me that already," Johnny's voice was sharper than
he'd intended.
"I'm sorry."
"Would you stop saying that?" Johnny exploded. "I'm pretty
fucking tired of hearing you say you're sorry!"
"I'm. . ." Roy began, then shut his mouth with such force that
Johnny heard his teeth click together.
Johnny
turned on him fiercely. "Did you find an apartment yet?
"No. No, not yet."
"Then you can still come home."
Roy groaned. "Please, Johnny, don't start. Not here, okay? This is
not the place for these kinds of discussions. We have to concentrate on the
job."
"Yeah. You're right. Concentrate on the job. I guess I'd better do
that, since it's just about all I have left." Johnny slammed his locker
door so hard the wood splintered and walked out, leaving Roy gazing sorrowfully
after him.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Time seemed to slow to a mind killing crawl. Roy and Johnny continued to
work their shifts together as always. They had agreed after the scene in the
locker room that regardless of what was happening between them personally, it
could not be allowed interfere with the job they were both devoted to.
However, beyond what conversation was required of them at work, they
communicated little. When they were on shift but not on a call, they studiously
avoided each other. Cap had pulled each man aside to talk to him privately,
telling him that he was there if they needed to talk. Both thanked him, but
neither took him up on the offer. Mike, Marco and Chet watched the goings on
with resigned sadness. They all missed the "old" Johnny, full of get
rich quick schemes and soapbox ideals, and the "old" Roy, ready with
the razor sharp one-liner or carefully considered opinion.
Roy was still living in the hotel. He wasn't trying very hard to find an
apartment, even though living in the hotel was really more expensive than he
could afford. He just couldn't bring himself to face the finality of finding
his own place. Johnny could no longer bear to stay in his apartment without Roy
there, and now on nights when he didn't sleep at the station, he made camp and
slept in the tent. Both were more miserable than they could ever remember
being.
At least there had been no more arson fires, and blessedly, no more
contact with Mark Miller. All of Station 51 had walked on eggs for a week after
the last arson, expecting at any minute for the Battalion chief to show up
asking for explanations of the allegations made by 29s' hero firefighter. When
it didn't happen, they all eventually relaxed somewhat, but there was still a
pall over the station. Johnny and Roy's melancholia was contagious to those who
cared for them.
"Station 29, Station 51, truck 6, fire at the refinery, 8715 Cook
Drive, eight seven one five Cook, time out 14:11."
No one bothered to comment that this fire was, like the previous three,
in 29s' territory, involving a large commercial structure. They all took for
granted they were responding to another arson fire.
Engine 29 was already there when they arrived, and the truck from 6s'
pulled up almost concurrently with 51. Hank Stanley took one look at the
monster blaze roaring out utterly out of control and knew that they would need
help with this one. Lots of help.
"LA, this is Engine 51."
"Go ahead, 51."
"LA, we need another alarm on this incident. Alert 16s we need foam,
and contact the Chief, we need him on scene right away."
"10-4, 51."
Hank met 29s' Captain Larch near the entrance of the huge facility.
"Where do you need us, Walt?" Hank asked.
"Can you get your guys on the south side, Hank? We'll need your
paramedics in there, too. The plant manager says one of his workers is still
inside."
"You got it," Hank turned to see Chet and Marco already
dragging hoses towards the building as Mike prepared to charge the lines. Roy
and John were unpacking their equipment from the squad.
Hank cupped his hands around his mouth. "John! Roy! Get in there!
The foreman says there is a man still inside!"
Johnny waved and he and Roy set off towards the building at a trot. They
both paused for a moment just outside to put on their breathing gear, then went
inside.
'This is like stepping into hell', Johnny thought. There was fire
everywhere he looked. Marco and Chet appeared behind him, spraying the flames
that were eating up the walls and everything contained by them before the
firefighters' eyes. 'Nobody could still be alive in here,' Johnny thought, but
nevertheless, they had to look. Chet and Marco finally made some headway at
knocking down the flames, and the two paramedics began to cautiously explore
their surroundings.
"Roy, this way!" Roy turned to see Johnny motioning for him to
follow. Roy nodded, and they pushed on through the flames, deeper into the
bowels of the building.
Johnny
saw him first, and for a moment he couldn't quite comprehend what it was he was
witnessing. A man, a firefighter in full turnout gear, squatted near a stand of
pipes, putting something into a gym bag. Johnny squinted, struggling to make
out what was happening through the thick smoke. He went cold when he saw the
man place a large, battered alarm clock into the bag. There were still remnants
of lead wires dangling from the clock's face. His eyes went to the name etched
on the back of the man's turnout coat. 'MILLER!'
Johnny pulled his mask away from his face. "Hey, Miller," he
yelled, almost screaming to be heard above the roaring of the flames, and
Miller startled violently. He whirled to face John and Roy, and for a moment
the three of them just stood there, eyes locked. Johnny flashed on the idea
that they presented a tableau reminiscent of the "spaghetti" westerns
Roy was so fond of, the ones with Clint Eastwood facing down an enemy out for
his blood.
"Miller, what the hell are you doing," Johnny shouted.
"What does it look like, Gage," Miller yelled back. "Don't
you believe what your eyes tell you, or are you stupid as well as
perverted?" Incredibly, he started to laugh. "Of all the guys it
could have been to find me out, it was you two. Well, it doesn't really matter.
You're not going to be telling anyone!"
"Pretty big talk, Miller, considering there are two of us and only
one of you," Johnny shouted. "Or do you think a couple of gay men
can't kick your ass for you? How about we show you how wrong you are?" He
advanced on Miller, but even before Roy could put out a hand to stop him,
Miller pulled a very large gun out of the pocket of his turnout coat.
"What are you waiting for, Gage," he taunted. "Come kick
my ass. We're waiting for you." He waved the gun, and laughed harshly.
Roy felt the blood drain from his face. He hadn't forgotten what had
happened the last time a man pointed a gun at Johnny, and he wasn't ever likely
to. 'Oh, God, not again,' he thought.
Johnny froze, and Roy moved forward, ready to put his own body between
John and the gunman, but Johnny stopped him. They stood shoulder to shoulder,
facing down the madman.
Miller's eyes darted from the firefighters standing in front of him to
their surroundings. The fire was rapidly consuming the room. They could all
feel the intense heat from it, even through their turnout gear. There was no
time left for debate, someone had to do something, and soon. Roy was furiously
trying to think of way to distract Miller long enough for them to try to rush
him. It was a lousy plan doomed to fail, but it was the best he could come up
with.
Miller waved the gun at them. "Move!" he shouted. "Against
that wall!" Miller began to move, slowly circling Johnny and Roy as they
moved towards wall he indicated, their hands raised. Miller's attention was so
fixed on Johnny and Roy that he failed to see Marco and Chet appear at the
doorway to the room. However, their entrance didn't escape Johnny. John tore
his facemask away. "Chet, knock him down!" he shouted.
Reacting to Johnny's command and motivated more by instinct and trust in
Johnny than by his own initiative, since he was still having trouble processing
the amazing scene he was witnessing, Chet obeyed. He opened up the hose full
force and pointed it right at Miller.
The effects were immediate and impressive. The blast of water hit Miller
with the power of an explosion, lifting him off his feet, carrying him across
the room and slamming him into the wall. The force of the impact of Miller's
body and the enormous weight of the water that carried him there were too much
for the weakened structure to withstand, and as the men of Station 51 watched,
the ceiling and walls surrounding Miller folded in upon him like a house of
cards.
"Let's get the hell out of here!" Johnny shouted, and he didn't
have to repeat himself. With Chet and Marco leading the way with the hose, the
four men braved the intense flames and made their way out of the structure in
record time.
Outside, Roy pulled his mask off. "Cap, we have a Code I," he shouted.
"Mark Miller's still in there!"
Roy felt a touch on his arm, and turned to look down into Chet's wide
eyes. "Roy, what the hell just happened in there?" he asked, and Roy
could hear the disbelief in his voice. Roy knew Chet was having trouble accepting
what he had seen Miller do, and what he himself had done. Roy put an arm around
the shorter man's shoulders. "It's okay, Chet. You did the right
thing." Roy sighed heavily, and gazed sadly at the pandemonium surrounding
him. "Lord, it's gonna be a long day."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It took six hours to get the blaze contained and find the bodies of Mark
Miller and the missing worker. During those six hours, John, Roy, Chet and
Marco told first Captain Stanley, then the Battalion Chief, and finally the
police what had transpired inside the refinery during those few anxious moments
when Miller held Johnny and Roy hostage.
After questioning the four men of Station 51 separately and getting
basically the same version of events from all of them, the police finally
confided to Captain Stanley and the Chief that while the investigation would
likely continue for a time in order to tie up loose ends, it was for all
intents and purposes over. They were satisfied that the arsonist who had
plagued LA for the past few months was dead, and that Chet had acted
appropriately in defense of his colleagues.
Back at the station, six dazed and bewildered men sat around their dining
table, struggling to make sense of the senseless events of the day.
"I just can't understand why Miller would do something like
that," Chet said finally. He blinked rapidly, anger flashing in his eyes.
"I can't believe that all this time it was a fireman setting those
fires!"
"It's not really unheard of, Chet," Cap told him gently.
"Most of us are here because we want to save lives and protect property,
but there will always be the ones who join the fire department because they
crave the 'high' that comes from fighting fires. The adrenaline rush is like a
drug. I suppose that Miller might have been one of those adrenaline
junkies."
"Yeah, that makes sense," Marco chimed in. "Maybe he got
addicted to that high, and had to begin setting the fires to get enough of his
'drug'. You know, like how a heroin user has to start taking more and more to
get the same high. Maybe the genuine runs 29s was getting weren't enough
anymore."
"Maybe," Mike said quietly. "But I knew Mark better than
any of you guys. I bet there was more to it than that. Mark was the most
competitive guy I ever knew, and the department was his life. I think that's
why he was so upset by Johnny and Roy." Mike glanced at his two colleagues
briefly before returning his gaze to the tabletop. "He thought they were
bad for the department's image, and that was the same as them being a personal
threat. He was a good fireman, one of the best I ever knew, but that was ALL he
was, you know what I mean? Everything he was, was tied up with being a
firefighter." Mike paused, thinking, and no one else spoke, spellbound by
their taciturn associate's unusual loquacity. "I wouldn't be surprised if
they find out that Mark was doing this because he wanted to build up 29s as the
best firefighting team in the county." He sighed, and rubbed his eyes
wearily. "That is, if they EVER find out why he did it."
"I think that's enough discussion for one day, guys." Cap
looked at his watch. "It's about time we all get cleaned up and get some
shut eye. I for one am anxious to start dreaming about how I'm going to spend
the next two days off."
The men dispersed, but Roy and Johnny stopped Cap before he could leave.
"Cap, what about us?" Roy asked. "I mean, what do you think will
happen with mine and Johnny's . . . situation, now that Miller is dead?"
Cap looked down at his two favorite paramedics, feeling a twinge of
sympathy at their matching exhausted, concerned expressions.
"Well guys, I can't say for sure of course, but I have a feeling
that Miller's troublemaking died with him. I'm willing to bet his fellow bigots
at 29s are going to be too concerned about trying to deal with one of their own
being a firebug to give you guys much thought." Cap clapped Roy on the
shoulder. "This whole Miller thing is going to be enough scandal for the
department to deal with, Roy. I don't think that anyone downtown is going to be
too anxious to hear any talk that might tarnish the department's image
further."
As Johnny began to protest, Cap held his hands up. "I know, Johnny,
I know. It's not fair that the brass would think that you and Roy are a
detriment to the department. You're preaching to the converted here." Cap
smiled at him, then sobered. "But we have to face reality. This is a mucho
macho profession we're in. You can't expect to be accepted with open arms, not
in this day and age." He looked at them kindly. "At least, not by
everyone. I think you know by now how the other guys and I feel about you. I
think I'm safe enough speaking for them to say that as far as we are concerned,
this is the end of this whole episode. Keep your private life at home, keep
doing your job, and you'll never have a problem from any of us. And maybe,
someday in the future, things will be different. Maybe you two guys will even
be the ones to help change things."
With that he gave each man a brief, fond squeeze to the arm and walked
out, leaving Johnny and Roy looking after him thoughtfully.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Despite thinking he would never get to sleep after all the excitement and
commotion of the day, Johnny was asleep almost as soon as his head hit the
pillow. He wasn't aware of anything until the morning wake up tones went off,
and he heard Cap signing the station on for the day.
He and Roy hadn't done much talking the night before, both were too
exhausted and shaken for deep discussion. Johnny glanced over at Roy's bunk
before he rose, not surprised to see it already empty.
He dressed slowly and made his way to the kitchen. Roy was sitting at the
table, sipping coffee and talking quietly with Mike. Johnny walked past them
without comment and poured his own cup, leaning against the counter to drink
it. Roy left as soon as the first of B shift's paramedics showed up, and Johnny
sadly watched him go. As soon as Follett showed up to replace Johnny, he bid
his coworkers a good day and left, walking head down through the bay to the
station's back yard. He was putting the key into his truck's door when a soft
voice behind him made him jump.
"Can I ride home with you, Johnny? I'd like to talk to you, if
you'll let me." Johnny turned and found Roy standing behind him,
expressions of resignation and hope warring for dominance on his face. Johnny
had to force back a grin. As if there were any doubt. "Get in, man. Let's
go home."
Johnny followed Roy inside, and watched as a puzzled look appeared on
Roy's face as he took in the stale atmosphere of the apartment. At Roy's
quizzical look, John just shrugged. "I couldn't bear to be here alone.
I've been camping out when I wasn't at the station."
Roy sighed. "Johnny, I'm so sorry. I've been a jerk. You were right.
No matter what anybody else says or thinks, we belong together. And I'd like to
come home if you'll let me."
Johnny heart began to sing. He fought to keep a foolish grin off his
face, and failed miserably. Then he remembered something, an important point
he'd forgotten in the excitement over Miller's exposure and death, and he
frowned. "What about Joanne, Roy? Miller may be out of the picture, but
she's not. What are you going to do about her?"
"Nothing. I'd like to be able to tell you that I'm going to get in
my car and drive over there and tell her everything about us, but it ain't
gonna happen. I guess I'm a coward, Johnny. As long as she doesn't make an
issue of our relationship, I'm not going to bring anything to her attention
that I think she doesn't need to know." He looked at his feet. "I
guess that disappoints you."
"No, Roy. Not me. If that's the way you think is best to handle the
situation, then I'm not going to try to convince you otherwise. Maybe someday
you'll change your mind. And you know, there's always the chance Joanne might surprise
you. Remember, I knew her as long as I knew you, until the two of you broke up.
I think you're underestimating her."
"Maybe. But right now I can't risk finding out. Can you understand
that? I just don't want to rock the boat, Johnny. We've been through
enough."
"No argument there, friend." Johnny's voice dropped.
"C'mere."
Roy moved into his arms, and for a long moment they stood together in the
middle of the room, locked in an embrace, both afraid to let go. Johnny pressed
his forehead to Roy's, whose skin felt almost feverish. Johnny raised his hands
and ran them over that beloved face, caressing the planes and angles of
cheekbone and jawline, reveling in the softness of skin. He traced one finger
along the line of Roy's bottom lip, and Roy nipped at the fingertip before
sucking it into his mouth. He watched Johnny's brown eyes deepen to black.
"Bed," he whispered, and Roy nodded.
They rolled onto the mattress, kissing hungrily, trying to devour each
other, all the pain and deprivation of the last few weeks fueling their desire.
They pulled at any loose material they could reach, until they lay together
naked, limbs entwined. Johnny marveled, not for the first time, at the effect
shedding his clothing had on Roy. At times he could be quite inhibited while
dressed, but as soon as his clothing was off he became like another man, wild
and savage in his passion.
Roy rolled Johnny onto his back and covered him with his body, hands
roaming everywhere they could reach, twining their legs together, kissing him
with enough force to bruise. Johnny responded eagerly and in kind, caressing
every bit of skin he could find. Soon he'd had enough of the teasing, and
arched his back, digging his erection into Roy's hip at the same time he ran
one hand up Roy's spine from base to apex, searing each vertebra with the heat
of his touch.
Roy groaned and forced a hand between their bodies, wrapping it around
both shafts, pulling and squeezing. It didn't take much; there had been too
much time working so closely together while forced to remain apart, too much
time without, too much emotion.
Johnny came first, with three last frantic thrusts into the tight hard
grip around him and the hard body behind it, whimpering, burying his face into
the soft curve of Roy's shoulder, feeling even before his own orgasm had ended
the jerking of Roy's cock against his own shaft, feeling his breath in his ear
as he moaned loudly. Then he collapsed on top of Johnny, nuzzling his ear,
kissing his neck, making John shiver. "I love you, Johnny Gage," he
whispered, and Johnny's arms went up to clutch at him. He squeezed his eyes
tightly shut against the tears that burned them, and swallowed hard. Everything
was right again, the way it was supposed to be.
The End
Copyright 1999 - 2003, The Fairy Queen. All rights reserved.