poor souls have seen this
Pro-Monkey
Anti-Pubes
Homepage
**please
take note that usage of “pubes” was not directed at anyone in particular**
Severe Boredom Strikes! Only 19.95!!
UPDATES
we accept: 
even food stamps: <insert pic> oops shutup
Comments and Suggestions go to my email, if you know my real one(s) send it there, if not click here move on to the content now slootybooty.
1/29
So I haven't updated in like 10 days, get off my back and return to humping your pet goat or shoving quarters up your ass or whatever the hell it is you do with your time. Yeah I know its not like I have been doing anything incredibly important, but you know whats the point of updating this page if I am in a creative drought. My own modest proposal is found on the latest update of the ever "popular" random page. I am however working on a special feature for my viewers: which is the Fine art of Anger management! Here check out an excerpt:
"When so violently angry that you actually consider fighting a large Semi, or perhaps if you are a tad less angry and choose to fight another similarly inanimate object such as your bed or perhaps the age old favorite the wall, you need to stop and reconsider what you are doing. I mean what the hell damage are you going to do with your fist, and are you sufficently drunk to subdue the pain? Come on and think people! Go to the closet in your parents room and rummage though the very very top shelf. There low and behold you will find your fathers prized gun bought at some point in his earlier years when his hormones went raging though his brain and at some point after intense varible cancellage he came to the equation "huntin' iron* = good, me likey shootin." **Refer to a later section for gun usage** If you do not know how to use the gun it is quite alright sissyboy, you can always utilize pistol whipping to inflict massive damage, thus reducing your anger over how someone stole the last brownie or your box of Wheat Thins or even ate your chapstick... I fucking hate that shit!"
1/19
Ok I am going to be massively redesigning this site once I get off my ass and make some graphics utilizing my 3|2337 photoshop skillz... speaking of which I need to actually install that first before I can assess if I have any skillz. Incase you didn't check the updates, they are the random page and the lab. Keep on rollin hobag...
1/18
HOLY LORD GOD!!!!! HOW ARE YOU GENTLEMEN!!!! Conclusions are finally available for Lab 1, I hope you have been keeping up with the exciting growth of our plant, Planty. Ok so it's name isn't really Planty, it never really had a name but if I was thinking about it I could have named it Planty, and how do you know I didn't? Lay off me jerkface! WHAT YOU SAY??? Sorry for those intermittent random garblings, I need to find the link to it but for now you can find the story right below this paragraph. I am kinda in a dark cloud right now and am in the process of finding the way out, so bear with eh? I am definately in the need of creative juices, and by that I do NOT mean alcohol, I have seen quite enough for a few months.. or until tomorrow, which ever comes first right?? haHA! And by the way the slambook is still being gay, so dont even try it, you will just end up answering the puppies or kittens question until you tear your leg hairs out... As always feel free to report shortcomings in me as a programmer, even if you just want to email me and tell me that my page sucks your ass and I should remove all traces of it and myself from this earth. Ok well enjoy Zero Wing:
1/09
Well my slambook is dysfunctional, like your family. And by that I am referring to the Squid, but we don't talk about that...not since the accident. Off to film class biotches, I will solve this dilemma later, along with a rant about fear.
1/07
Ok in case you have not signed my guestbook and/or slambook you should do that with posthaste. I am going to begin the post of the very first Pro-Monkey Anti-Pubes public experiment... Photosynthesis using Natural Light! This experiment can be found on the Projects page as well. Also random page updates cause I know you all love them, and other obscure updates, find them all! Or just get a real life...
1/06
Yes the slambook/guestbook is here...sign them both and have a bananna eek eek!
1/05
Back at school to find what? I'll tell you what I came back here to find, a letter from someone with the grapes to actually complain about my site... and it wasn't the "hey punkass bitch your site sucks my toe and you fucked my sister now I'm going to fuck you up" kind of complaint. No, no, no, my friends I did not get the usual "talkin' to" I usually require it was a bitch about my links not working. So I fucking fixed them already for you bastards that actually watched Crunchy Savior which by far is one of the most out-spoken cinematic works of art in the century. More to come soon enough y'all come back now ya here?
1/03
ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGHHHH!!!! I had updates all ready for Christmas and shit, and what happens? Fag0tcities goes down (hahaha) so that I can't update. Apparently that is what I get for being a moron that is on their server, so I guess I can't be upset. So I totally missed the Christmas update, and I gave up on doing a new year's one because of how box-munchingly gay the server was. Ok that last line was just an excuse to use box-munchingly gay in a sentence... sorry. Stay tuned kiddies I'm back at school tomorrow and severe boredom will result, that means content up the ass! Perhaps Q3 screen shots of me totally raping shitty players online. Go Bananna!
12/25
Happy Holidays suckas!
Ok so remember how I said I was going to post a butt-load of pictures way back when I last updated, and for those of you that actually looked forward to my posting things and looked for them well you discovered that I was lying. Yes, I am a bastard... and yes I know, also about your money... yeah I spent it. Anyway the holiday season comes with many stresses (that's bad), but it also comes with many presents including shiny ones (that's good), the shiny objects might blind you (that's bad), but then you would never have to look upon the horrid frame that is Judy Garland......can I go now?
Coming Soon: Lab1: Photosynthesis Using Natural Light... plant lovers better avert their eyes. WOAH DADDY!
Other Updates: Random Page, Satan Says, Shiny Objects, Projects, and much more
In case you are getting all pissy about the problems on this page well you can keep it, because my page sucks and so do you :::::::sticks out tongue::::::: Eat your greens.
12/8 I just received a bitchy email from those fascists at geocities (who, I've seen naked) about me not making my webpage yet. Ok so I know I typed in my special invisofagg0t color so they cant see my page it only shows a big picture of Walter Chronkite in something that I saw in Fredrick's of Hollywood. And while I'm thinking about that I will make an update to the random page about under-ware shopping. So anyway back to that nasty email they sent me; I will give you a quick rundown of the conversation:
geofag0t1: Hi elvelvetone! we enjoy your hotmale account!
webmastAr: That's not my name there Captain. Those fucking gypsies called me that, are you in cahoots with them? Hotmale? you mean like Marky Mark Wallberg?
geofag0t1: Smartyman you have not yet made your homepage! Are you too stupids to? We at fag0tcities will help you! Use our fancyschmancy YAh00! WizArdz prog CLICK CLICK!
webmastAr: No I refuse to "YAHOO!" under any circumstances. I have ethics you know! Do you have Crystal Pepsi to offer me?
geofag0t1: We gave all of that to the japanese kids that make Lego adaptationz of otherwise good films! We can give you Antonio Banderez's left pantleg taken from the Desperado set! It is filled with cheese.
webmastAr: No deal... goodbye pigfucker!
geofag0t1: What you no want breakfast??
Well if that didn't scare me enough I found more frightening links to add to my page... Also the morons at geocities are forcing (asking nicely) for me to switch my page to the standard index.html. Well I caved mostly because well... I'm a big pussy, which is why I work at initech to begin with. One of these days.
MORE NEWS!!! No we don't have a president, but we do have amusing pictures which should keep even the most rabid politician engrossed while the ninjas add 500 extra Gore ballots to the Florida stack. Not that I personally have any involvement with that, I personally would rather the country stay in disarray so that the unholyone could usurp power, see what Satan Says about that! What else do I have you children? I have many more links that should be updated unless of course I have an ADD attack. The Mr. T tribute page is coming along slowly, if anyone has suggestions and/or help for that fork it over. Even more news I would like all of you to note that this is the 20th anniversary of Lennon's death, and I still wonder who was behind it? I mean it could be that shifty asian Yoko Ono, or it could just as easily be Sean "Puffy" Combs who is a fagg0t extraordinaire from what I understand.
Avid readers (freaks) change your bookmarks please! And I am still working on that damn guestbook ok, get off my ass...bananna nut bread!
12/4 I have removed Satan Says from the main page because Lucifer himself told me that if I didn't give him his own page he would force me to eat soggy Frosted Flakes till I vomit. Needless to say Satan Says has been moved to its own page. Ok so this is the second update today, its mostly because I am working on 3 new pages, a Mr. T tribute, a Guria page, and a movie page. I want to set up submissions for movies that I will review, so that requires work I think, as for the others I need a scanner. Also my guestbook is majorly faulty, I have to replace that bastard. Ken [piano god] and I will be making a signifigant addition to the content of this site after Christmas break, watch for it. I am going to add in a vocab section, Rob and I's summer list of words, and possibly a section dedicated to well I don't know perhaps insomnia. I'm looking for a good picture for the Oracle page so mail any ideas to me. A new link!!! Dean and Nigel, these men embody all that is humorous in the world.
Ok so boredom strikes again either that or I actually enjoy doing this. Soon a Mr. T tribute page will be up, along with the guestbook. I did however update the overall look of the page with some fancy pants update indicators, and I redid at least one thing on every page on this badboy. I am going to add an update to the random page tonight, and a link for the Oracle will be arriving sometime before this weekend. Massive updates throughout is basically what the jive is. So dig in there is a buttload of new content YONK!
Take heed spelling is awry, grammar lovers beware passive voice resides within...
My head hurts, I can't concentrate so I did what took the least brain power... I updated @1:30am check the new random section
My god what is wrong with me, not only am I creating a web page, but I have no idea how to… Boredom is a bitch… just like a kick in the crotch. I on the other hand find kicks to the crotch amusing, so long as it’s not my crotch on the receiving end of a size 14 Puma. Where was I? That’s right I had no initial purpose, so I guess I better go with what works, but what does work, I can’t function at this present time because the largest nug ever is in my dorm room and it is truly a marvel. This thing is like sputnik, spherical yet quite pointy in parts… and no I’m not ripping off lines from a movie its just a coincidence, but seriously the nug is like sputnik. There will be an eventual post of the "nug-that-wouldn't-die" once the random camera gets back from being developed.
Enough, we shall delve into that next week, or whenever I decide that working on this page is better than removing my own liver or ingesting large quantities of Red Bull and running around screaming like a school girl. NOT that I would EVER do that or have (note by using CAPS LOCK I am being loud/emphatic, a “!” also helps). As my good friend and GOD among men Jeff says, “Join the Party.” So if you were wondering what could have lead me down this path look no further than over <yonder>
Mr. T is confused as to which suckas religion he pities most, note both the Star of David and the Cross around his neck...either way he pities you, trust me you are on his list. Eat your greens!
Ok so picture yourself on a boat on a river… no wait that’s not it at all. I meant to say Taniqua ain't yo girl shiiiiiiiiit::::golly::::…no that’s not it either. Holy Jeebus I can’t remember what it was at tall, not that what I have to say is important so I should probably not fret over it. Ok so what floats my boat? Umm well if I had a boat it would float in water, so I guess water floats my boat… but other things get the spark of my curiosity going there should be a link around this page somewhere.
Satan Says
Random Page!
Shiny Objects
Pictures
Projects