April 7th, 8:00pm |
Where did the days go? I slept in so late the other night,
perhaps due to the time change, but didn't get out of bed until
after 12 noon. I can't remember the last time I did that! Well, it
might have to do with the fact that I didn't go to bed until about 5
am, though... ^^
Dinner party was a blast. Had a few imagined landlady troubles,
but that was it. I think everyone had a great time. Took some
photos, so that should be good when I get them. (My tummy is
talking to me again. Maybe cuz I ate really fast b/c I had already
made Sunny late)
Got some great mail the other week... a package from Carissa. It
had stickers, nail decals, a chick on a stick, hair things, and
tomato seeds in an egg. Will figure out how to plant that
later. Lots of fun, and a real pic-me-up. The chick is on my
messy desk; the one I have to clean so I can get some work done.
I did a project on cats and playing with toys, and once the stats
were done, I managed to write the entire thing, and have Sunny
proofread it, in 4.5 hours. (Oh, I ate toooo fast... ) Go me!
Then, got home, printed it, and handed it in, along with letter to
registrars office to postpone one exam b/c I've been stressing a
lot, and home to open my letter from JET. I'm an alternate; IOW, I
don't completely suck. ^^ I'll have to wait until a position
opens up before I get to go. Sunny got his too, and he's also
an alternate, so I guess this is a good thing. Found out a
girl I know got accepted; I'm happy for her. She'll do great.
Disappointed in myself, though. Oh well. As Sunny said, worrying
about it now isn't going to make JET take you any
faster.
Not at Anime at Heather's tonight. Sad, cuz I have to study.
Stupid finals. I'm really tired for some reason too. Perhaps due to
my frustration over not understanding a paper I did (his comments,
not my own paper).
Well, time to do the cleaning, if I can get it done w/o falling
asleep.
No current tunes. No costume progress. No nothing. Just
study. |
|
March 22nd, 1:30pm |
*sigh* I'm doing it again. I told myself to think before speaking,
and I always still seem to think right afterwards, instead. But I
guess that's better than thinking about it hours later, like I used
to. I hope I eventually get there. Can only keep trying, as stupidly
difficult as it is.
Also, getting angry for no real reason at all. I think I've come
to expect too much from certain people, and I get disappointed when
they don't live up to the unreal expectation I've got. Why should I
expect something from someone else, if I'm pretty sure I wouldn't do
it either?
Should have come home early last night. Ruined the times had by
at least two people, possibly more. And the worst part it, it was
totally easily (if only i had once more thought before speaking!)
preventable. *le sigh* I think I've identified my super power:
F******* things up. This is great. Lemme tell ya.
I guess I gotta face it - I'm not the nice person I like to think
I am. In fact, I've become quite the bitch lately (as I'm sure a few
are able to attest). I can only blame it on stress for so
long, but now, I really don't think that's it anymore. I just get so
confused. *shaking head* I wouldn't put up with me for so long, and
I'm surprised my friends have. Maybe they're just afraid to
tell me "stop being a bitch, and get on with it".
I know I'm not supposed to complain unless I'm going to do
something about it...but i don't know the cause of it all, so I
don't really know what to do. *lost*
Costume update: Isn't much of one. Other than that
I no longer feel like sewing anymore. I don't feel like anything
anymore. Well, at least today. Stupid ups and downs. Stupid worrying
about other people more than myself. STUPID worrying what other
people think of me. I come first. I do. ME. And I know
what I need best. So, now, until after finals, I'm lookin' out for
number one. (oh we all know how long this will last... )
I think I need to go have a good cry. Or a hot
bath. Or something. |
|
March 18th, 12:15 am |
Ok, I've found that ice cream, anime music, and swimming sorta help
cheer me up. I guess that's a good thing. Many thanks to
everyone... I had a crappy day. I can honestly say that that was the
first time I ever felt really....depressed. I mean, there are times
when I don't feel like doing anything, but they don't feel like
today did. Today was...not just lazy. It was "I really don't
give a shit" kind of care. And that was scary.
Stupid people at Heath Services won't help b/c they're booked up.
Oh well, tough luck. If I can just stay happy, and on top of things,
tis all good.
Strange, tho, how this is making me update a lot more...
Thanks everyone, for caring so much. I love you all. (Uh
oh, Sunny, time to get jealous...;)
Now, to get some sleep before tomorrow. *yawn* Tired. |
|
March 17th, 6:55pm |
Sunny came for the rubix cube. He asked me to cheer up.
I can't. I cried instead. AGAIN.
This F******************** sucks. |
|
March 17th, 6:45pm |
Seems like I made the 'spring' post ages ago, not just 6
hours. Whee. How time flies.
Went to student health today - no one can see me unitl April 7th
or so, which doesn't help me much if I'm stressed about exams. Put
my name on the 'cancellation' list. Don't think I'll be getting help
anytime soon.
I seem to have lost all interest in the internet. Usually, when
I'm eating, I can find a few page to search for, or pics, or
something. But I think I'm searched out. Nothing out there compels
me to visit it. I check ppl's journals, but no one updates as often
as I check, so I'm even decreasing that, too. I don't even
want ICQ anymore, because now I realize very few things of
importance are said on there. Sometimes, yes, but mostly, it's
things about costumes, cool links, and so on. It's not
capturing my attention anymore.
I don't even feel like sewing. I don't feel like anything, except
for working on my school, which is good. Everything seems
mundane, now, and I just can't seem to cheer up. Maybe I need a few
sad, solitary days before I'll feel myself again. Maybe this
is myself, and I'm just not used to it...
I'm in such a strange mood, I don't even feel like seeing Sunny
right now. Which sucks, but it's true. And I can't avoid him, b/c we
walk together to class and stuff. I guess this weekend shook me up
more than I expected.
*sigh*
Once I'm done eating it's time to vacuum my room, then put it
away, and get to work. It's taken me nearly 2 hrs to do the cleaning
so far...stupid landlady and stupid inspections.
I wish she would go away.
|
|
March 17th, 12:10pm |
It's SPRING! Finally. Something to lift my spirits. Or
so I hope. |
|
March 16th, 4:30pm |
Ok, another wake up call that I refused to take, but I feel a
bit better now. Have a few things decided, and going to do my
best to stick to them. Hey, so I spent 4 years ignoring my potential
- it's never too late, is it?
So, starting now, fewer updates. As well, I plan on avoiding ICQ
and MSN messenger as much as possible until my finals are over (Apr
16th or so, except for one, but I'm not too worried about that
one).
If you need to contact me, please send an email. If it's really
important, please phone.
Thanks for all your cooperation. My marks and my sanity thank
you.
Eleryth signing off. |
|
March 16th, 3:40pm |
Now, if someone can answer this for me, I will love you
forever. Or owe you, or something. Ever since high school,
I've been able to accept the marks given - anything above 80% was
good enough, even though I knew I was capable of so much more - it
would just require that little bit of extra work. So now, in my
final year of university, the schoolwork piles up, and I stress, and
I cry, almost every day, because I get really frustrated, that I
didn't do things sooner...so, anyone, WHY AM I AFRAID OF MY TRUE
POTENTIAL? I KNOW I am capable of so much more than what I'm getting
right now in my classes...it would just require that extra bit of
work that for some reason i just can't put in. And then when I get
upset, it upsets the people around me, b/c I can't keep my stress
in, either.
What the hell is wrong with me? Why can't i put in the extra hour
or two, for the payoffs that will help my future? Why can't I seem
to care?
This is Eleryth, signing off. Please don't expect updates anytime
soon. The end of the year is here, three weeks left, and I've got to
salvage a semesters (year's) worth of classes in the week before
finals. This post really isn't as bad as it sounds, I'm just
REALLY FRUSTRATED with myself.
Here's hoping I can do what I just set out to do. Wish me
luck.
ETA: Sometime in April, after the 15th, when I have time. |
|
March 16th, 1:25pm |
waii!!!! ....um...ya...socoool....dunno where i'm going to get that stuff....but I luv anshii!!!...^^,,...yeah...soo...can't wait until AN...!!!!
...And then, those who usually speak with semi-proper grammar
grab their weapons (or use their bare hands!) and come after you for
being stupid. ^^ Just a mini rant on the...comment
maturity level of some in an MB I visit.
I'm procrastinating majorly today. I have a seminar Wed. that I
haven't STARTED yet. And I'm still trying to learn kanji for class. And
I have to print out pics of swords for Winston. *sigh* oh
well. Did get an assignment out of the way yesterday, and swam,
which is good, and I know about 12 of my 20 kanji for tomorrow. It's
going. I shouldn't have slept in...but sleep is sooo good!
And there's been a revisal for TT costume wearings... keep in
mind this is MY schedule, and it doesn't coincide with other
peoples.
Friday - LOTR.
Saturday - Magna Carta
Masq - Athos
Dance - Undecided
Sun - Kahlan, with possibly a resurgence of the LOTR costume for a
photoshoot. Good thing white dress is easy to get in/out of. And my
hair doesn't have to change. YAY!
Ok, now back to the drudgery consisting of schoolwork.
Anyone talk to Sunny? I haven't heard from him in hours, and he's
online... (ok, I KNOW I'm obsessed....)
Also decided I want to see more of Kisachan in a swimsuit. *wink*
(I have to practice if I'm going to be a lesbian warrior, ne? Visit
Kisachan's LJ for details.)
Costume Updates: Figured out what day I'm wearing what at TT. That's about it, as I gave up sewing for Lent. |
|
March 12th, 11:50pm |
Ok, there's a trend going on here. I'm trying to focus on all the
good things, to keep me happy until the end of school, when I don't
have to stress any more.
Housemate's good news: gone from lack of acceptance at UBC to
being first (we assume) on the waiting list. Yay!
I was prepared for Japanese class today (what a great feeling!
AND I'm done my Japanese studying for tomorrow, too), and then,
after, got free coffee from a classmate. Whoo! He'll get cookies,
once I make them. Also found out that Japanese Dept has a big screen
tv, so I can sign that out and watch After Life as a class one
evening (some Thurs.).
Met with a prof, got home, dishes, went to work. Wasn't that bad.
Some guy got angry that I wasn't moving fast enough because he was
late to pick up his girlfriend. Lame. It was a transaction I don't
do often (a labor return, from auto) so I had to remember and find
the right buttons (I will find out later if I did it correctly) and
it's SO MUCH HARDER to think when you have an !)@&*$^
telling you to hurry. LOSER. Ok, done now! ^^
Went swimming on Monday night, too. Haven't been in ages, and I'm
still paying for it. My shoulders hurt! I did do over 30 lengths,
though. I think I might hit the pool tomorrow, but I'm
going for sure Sat and Sun.
OH! Had a Louise-sighting. She's alive and well. Just incredibly
busy, is what I gathered.
Last bit of news: Saw Winston the other day! His fingers have
been reattached and are doing well. They look funny. He's in his
usual great mood. Yay! I think I might adopt Winston as a
grandpa.
Costume Update: Started doodling out Calintz
'tails' design. On separate papers. I'm hoping they can be
combined after being scanned, or something. Also, working on new
LOTR-ish design for TT. Too many black and reds done already. Oh,
and BONUS. Winston even OFFERED, once again, to work on the swords
with me! Despite his accident. I was afraid to ask. Yay! |
|
March 10th, 7:00pm |
Well, another good thing for this day. Got 19/20 on a midterm. It
was 17/20, but they had an addition error. Yay! That was 19% of my
mark, right there. Also got direction on the lab I have to design
and carry out. Still working on that one.
I was reading other ppls journals, and I read something that made
me feel really good. That someone thinks of me in such a way
warms my heart. I also like reading her site because I find it
more profound than mine ^^. Just the style of writing, and her views
and opinions expressed in such a manner... a great site to
visit. I wish my rantings were more like hers. Anyway, here's
what she wrote:
"... i bought candy that day at the olde tuck shop, a small
brown paper bag of candy, for a friend who i knew would be around
the upper ceilidh during my shift at jduc work -- as a humble
offering for a hug, something i needed desperately that day, though
i cannot remember why. i just remember walking to maccorry to kill
time before my shift, and thinking that the first person i know well
enough i will get a hug from -- and i didn't meet anyone... and then
i remembered that e would be around at jduc because she has her
school of english conversation group thing..."
It's really quite touching. I'm really glad I met her, and I'll be
sad when she goes back to Korea.
In other news, TT panel page is confusing. Trying to figure out
if I can sign up now, or not. I think so. I'll try, anyway. And I
thought up two new panel ideas, but I don't think they're taking
suggestions anymore. : (
Got a letter today from mom - nice family photo within. No
Easter candy. That comes later.
Kisachan, I hope you feel better soon! Sickness isn't
fun.
No cosplay update today, for nothing will happen for the next 38
days or so. Or however long is left with Lent.
Still working on getting work done. Sucks. I'm a terrible
procrastinator.
|
|
March 7th, 7:20pm |
Well, now, a bit of a bigger update, once again! The
rest of the school year is going to be stressful, but I had a few
good things happen to me in the past week, too! Here, in no
particular order, is the list:
- I am the proud new owner of a Gold-Pressed Bar of Latinum.
Striaght from Vegas! A gift from Bert, who has started calling
himself "Milton's Dad" (Milton is his cat).
- Speaking of Bert, he called while I was at work on the
weekend, and asked if I drive. Of course, I say, I just don't
have a car. Reason? When I house-sit this summer, for two weeks,
rent free (and when I'm needing a place to stay, b/c it's
July...:) , he's thinking I'd be able to use the vehicle to
drive in and get groceries and things.
- I got a $10 gift cert from work again, for having a perfect
cash. ^^
- Got a free clock, too, from the guy who is trying to get
people to sign up for a CT credit card. Doesn't work
though. Should have guessed. But it was Free!
- Oselle received her package yesterday, and it was mailed
Monday. Here's hoping the Bright Lime Green matches the kimono
fabric.
- I found $10 in the snow walking home from class.
- Got 75% on a midterm that I thought I'd get 60% on.
- Soon (in a few weeks) to be getting a "deadjournal".
Yay!
- Sunny got us hooked on Magna Carta, and now Kisachan is
joining the fun for TT! Oselle, too, methinks, but I think she's
as of yet undecided.
- I get bubbletea tonight.
- I won a shirt at a banquet for CISC (computer science) that I
went to yesterday. It was funny, cuz I'm not even in CISC.
^^
I think there's more, but I can't recall right now. Yay!
Um, what else has been happening. I thought I'd give up my social
life for lent, because it's coming in the way of school, but then I
realized I'd go crazy. So, I think I gave up sewing - because I have
no time. Then, it's time to sew like crazy after exams are over.
Worlds worst exam schedule, but meh. I'm sure other people have had schedules
just as bad.
I guess that's it for now!
Costume Update: No real progress. Planning what I
can do, what has to be done, what still has to be bought, what parts
Sunny can do and so forth. Am becoming obsessed with Heung Tae Kim's
(I think that's how it's spelt) artwork, though, as I want to
cosplay War of Genesis, too...Oh, Adora's been set. TT17. |
|
February 26th, 4:15pm |
ok, much awaited costume update! I'll work on it later, but at
least the pics are up, ne? |
|
February 26th, 4:00pm |
Hola! Well, I haven't learned anything new web page wise, so I think
sometime when my brain is fried, like now, I'll go to geocities and
figure it out. I have to put up a costumes page, because there's so
many cool costumes I can't wait to make! So, updates, I guess.
Today, I'm sleepy. As usual. I can't believe I'm so tired. I try
to eat enough protein and foods with iron in them, and started
retaking that multi with iron in it, but I am still exhausted. And
my head hurts. I have to go to work this evening, but that's ok.
Deal with stupid people for 2 hours, and then it usually slows down,
and I read my notes.
Sunny finally decided on a Friday costume for the convention, and
I'm happy for that. It's really cool, and I think I'll end up doing
a matching costume for TT, seeing as he likes it more than Lando. I
really don't mind, the one I chose is cool, so I REALLY have to get
pics up!
Um, Had my JET interview. It was...weird. I did charades - they
asked me how I would explain skydiving to people, with no pictures,
or chalkboard, or anything. I felt silly, but at least I'm one of
the few that can laugh about my interview afterwards. Everyone else
I talked to didn't think it went so well, which is normal, as far as
I've heard from previous years.
I got chocolates (previously said flowers. where that came from, I
don't know...) from Winston at work. He cut the tips of two of his
fingers off early this month, but he's back at work now. He
was going to help me make swords for the costumes - I hope he still
will, but if not, well, I'll find another way. Anyways, I sent
him a card, and when I went to work Thursday morning, I had
chocolates and a card in my mailbox. How sweet!
Bought fabric in Toronto. White vinyl -_- which is needed,
and I think it will look good when I'm finished. Leatherette as
well, for a skirt (for a costume, but I might alter it after), and
the most perfect belt buckle ever (for the same costume). Thanks
Louise!
So, that's about it. I want to hit geocities now, while I'm
bundled in my fleecy red blanket, with hot choco and oatmeal, before
work.
Cosplay progress: Lots of pictures. ^^ Some fabric
bought (buying more tomorrow), and very little cut out. Patterns
possessed (by me, not the devil...but I wonder, would there be a
'stitch of the devil', to go with the 'stitch of god'?). |
|
January 31, 1:30 am |
Things are all good once again. A new web-project will soon be
underway - hopefully in a week or so, it'll be linked. And you'll
just have to wait to see what it is, cuz it's a secret.
^^ I haven't felt this relieved and unstressed in ages,
even though I have to get up early for pollinating plants in the morning
early. Stupid brassica rapa.
Also, my housemate agreed to help me with costumes, no matter how
strange they might be (ok, she doesn't know about that last part,
but she's seen a few pictures!:). So, now I have help, and
sewing should go a lot better. Things are looking up.
Today's Words of Wisdom: Lesson for Jan.30 is
definitely true. ^^ And talking is good. |
|
January 30, 11:45 |
I hate learning lessons the hard way, but I guess it has to be
done. *sigh* Tonight I was given the opportunity to
amend a problem of mine, that I've had for a long time - really
talking to someone when something is bothering me, instead of
keeping quiet and ranting elsewhere. I must thank and
apologize to this individual, for in doing so, although it must have
hurt terribly, it's a lesson I need to learn, and a skill (the
communication) I'll need for the rest of my life, and its not fair
for this person to bring it up when it's my issue in the first
place. I don't know how to approach anything. I feel like
crying, and probably will. I was so happy yesterday, but this
entire day (minus the cake eating) has been.... I don't know the
word. Crazy. Headaches and things not turning out how I
want them too.
*sigh* I suppose that's life, and I'd better suck it
up.
Life lesson for today:
(now I sound like Elly in the Toronto Star)
It's better to talk about it than to keep it inside, cuz it's far
worse in the long run.
No more from me today. I've got to do a lot of
thinking. |
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