Clearly defined words

ADULTERY -
The wrong people doing the right thing.

ALIMONY -
The screwing you get for the screwing you got.

CHIVALRY -
A mans inclination to defend a woman
against every man but himself.

CONSCIENCE -
That which hurts when everything else feels so good.

CONSTIPATION -
To have and to hold.

COOKIE -
A virgin doughnut.


DIVORCE -
What happens when two people cannot
stomach each other any longer.

DECOY -
A flashlight in the pants pocket.

DIARY -
Book of revelations.

DOCTOR -
A lucky fellow who is privileged to
undress women and goall over them without
getting his face slapped.

EXPLORATION -
Beating around the bush.

FATHER'S DAY -
Nine months before labor day.

GENTLEMAN -
One who is always careful to rest at least
half his weight on his elbows.

GIGGALO -
The egg that laid the golden Goose.

GLAMOUR GIRL -
a much publicized young thing who is
full of oomf, and frequently full of other things;
one who doesn't worry about the meat shortage.

HORSE SHOW -
A lot of horses showing their asses to a lot of
horses' asses showing their horses.

HUSBAND -
What is left after the nerve has been killed.

KEPT WOMAN -
One who wears mink all day and fox all night.

HUNG CHOW -
Chinese constipation.

A KISS -
Upper persuasion for lower invasion;
upstairs shopping for downstairs merchandise.

MASTURBATION -
A solo played on a private organ.

METALLURGIST -
A man who can look at a platinum blonde and tell
whether she is virgin metal or a common ore.

MINUTE MAN -
One who double parks while he visits
a sporting house.

MORNING -
The time of day when the rising generation retires,
and the retiring generation arises.

MOTHER'S DAY -
Nine months after fathers day.

MULE BARBECUE-
Where everybody gets a piece of ass.

NUN -
A woman who ain't never had none,
don't want none,
and ain't going to get none.

NURSE -
A pan handler.

NURSERY -
A place to park last years fun until it
grows up a bit.

PAPOOSE -
Consolation prize for taking a chance
on an Indian blanket.

PIMP -
A crack salesman; a nookie bookie.

PREGNANCY -
When a woman is all swelled up from
her mate's handiwork.

RHUMBA -
An asset to music.

SECRETARY -
A stenographer who watches her periods.

SIN -
Anything the other fellow enjoys and you don't.

SISSY -
A man who gets out of the bath
tub to take a leak.

SPRING FEVER -
When the iron in your blood turns to l
ead in your pencil.

STORK -
The bird that had none of the fun in
bringing the babies.

TAXIDERMIST -
A man who mounts animals.

TOMCAT -
A ball bearing mouse trap.

TRIPLETS -
Having to take seriously what was
poked at you in fun.

VICE -
Anything you enjoy that is bad for you.

VIRGINITY -
A bubble on the stream of life,
one prick and it's gone forever.

VIRGIN WOOL -
Wool from a sheep that can outrun
a sheep herder.



Dear Abby:
My husband is a lying cheat.
He tells me he loves me, but he has cheated
our entire marriage.  He is a good provider and
has many friends and supporters.

They know he is a lying cheat,
but they just avoid the issue. He is a hard
worker but many of his coworkers are leery of him.

Every time he gets caught, he denies it all.
Then he admits that he was wrong and begs me
to forgive him. This has been going on for so long,
everyone in town knows he is a cheat.
I don't know what to do.

Signed Frustrated

Dear Frustrated:
You should dump him.
Now that you are finally a New York Senator,
you don't need him anymore.



How do you know when a woman is getting old?
Her bra size goes from a 44D to a 44 Long



Funny Email of the Day!

We at Carnival Cruise Lines didn't forget that
a lot of entertainers had promised to leave
the country if George W. Bush became President.
With that in mind, we have a special offer for
those who want to keep  their  promise!

Attention:
Would Alec Baldwin, Rosie O'Donnell, Cher,
Phil Donahue, David Gephin, Barbra Streisand,
Pierre Salinger, and anyone else who made the
promise, please report to Florida for the
sailing of the funship cruise, Elation, which
has been commissioned to take you to your
new vacation homes.

The Florida Supreme Court will sponsor
a Farewell Parade in your honor
through Palm Beach, Broward, and Miami-Dade
counties prior to your cruise.

Please pack for an extended stay...
at least four years.

Your captain is to be Bill Clinton and your
cruise director will be Al Gore. Monica Lewinsky
will be your recreation director and Ted Kennedy
will act as lifeguard and supervise swimming
instruction.  He will also teach a course in
emergency procedures.

Your spiritual advisor will be the
Rev. Jesse Jackson.

If you have any questions about making
arrangements for your homes, friends and
loved ones, please direct your comments to
Senator Clinton. Her  village can raise your
children while you're gone, and she can watch
over all  your money and furnishings
until you return.

Bon Voyage!




Lastly, Leaving you guys with a Riddle!!

Riddle Me This:

Three men were arguing as to which of them
was the wealthiest. Three different measurements
of wealth were invoked, and none of the men came
first and last in any two of them.

Mr. Edwards spends less per year that Claudette's
husband, but has more capital than Graham.

Benjamin has more capital than Mr. Hayes.
Mr. Edwards spends less per year than Claudette's
husband. Benjamin spends more per year than
Iris's husband and also has more capital, but his
annual income is less than Mr. Daventry's.

Is Annabelle married to Felix?
And who has the smallest annual income?





"RECIPES"
My Best Clam Chowder
Buttermilk Honey Wheat Bread
Chicken Berry Salad
Strawberry Angels' Cake
You'll find some COOOOOOL Recipes
on this Link:
The Ice Cream Parlour



"COMPUTER TIPS"


VIRUS ALERT
Everyone is getting these emails:

The content in the emails is:

Hi! How are you?

I send you this file in order to have your advice

See you later. Thanks

These are being sent with different email
address returns
They say the download is either a
.dat file or .doc file
.........IT is a Virus

DO NOT ATTEMPT TO DOWNLOAD

Delete it at once!!


This one Link has TONS of great ones!
Its a Keeper Guys!!

Tips to bring you back from the edge






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