The Misadventures of Dorothy and Toto
Somewhere down near lower Greenville Avenue
an unusual Saturday night was brought to life
with sights and sounds not normally seen
by the owners and patrons of that street.
A hard rain fell on the strip,
limbs and leaves tossed in the wind,
and party goers rushed from their cars
to seek refuge in the nearby bars.
Then lightning blazed across the sky
turning everything an eerie white,
and just before it all went black
all that was heard was a thunderous clap.
And out of that darkness rose a sound,
a Reznor generated animal growl,
fairies in boots started dancing with elves,
Dorothy and Toto rode in and yelled,
"I want to fuck you like an animal."
The shock of hearing Dorothy utter the word fuck
was almost enough to break the spell,
but it was already too late
to turn back the hands of Hell.
Everyone stared in disbelief -
the munchkins ran for cover -
the fairies and elves shrieked in delight
at the wicked witch - she was doing a drive-by.
Bullets were bouncing off the yellow brick road,
one ricochet nailed Toto in the throat
and he fell in a heap at Dorothy's feet.
She watched in horror as his last heart beats
spurted his blood all over her feet.
At length she recomposed; she gazed into the sky,
Finally she had the wicked witch in her sight.
And with a bellow that could be heard across the land
she roared, "Now bitch you die... I am Iron Man"
She changed her shape right there in the street,
Her limbs grew thick, her hair turned green,
Her voice I knew as frail and sweet
gave new meaning to the word 'mean'.
She grabbed the nearest fairy,
pulled him right out of his boots,
she didn't know if he died of fright or just passed out,
but to make sure he was dead she ripped off his head.
The fairies blood spilled at her feet,
it was a blue blood, and mixed with Toto's red,
and as the blood spread -
"It turned everything a nice shade of purple,
which is just perfect for Oz
but does nothing for Greenville street."
Dorothy took aim on the wicked witch
and threw the fairies head at that bitch,
and all her magic, and all her tricks,
couldn't save her now... she'd been hit.
Her broomstick wobbled, then sputtered and died,
together they started a slow spiral dive
and crashed into the house under which her sister lay,
and together they went up in a ball of flames.
And all the winged monkeys
from all across the land
set up a howl so loud
it got the Wizards attention.
Until now he had been deep in thought,
not worried much about the land of Oz.
When he looked around and saw the disarray
He declared out loud, "Heads will roll today!"
There in the midst of all this mess
stood Dorothy in her ripped up dress,
He saw at her feet a pool of blood
that had spread out from one dead dog.
And the smoke and soot from the burning house
blackened his fluffy wonderland clouds.
The wizard waved his wand and chanted a spell,
and sent Dorothy and dead Toto straight into hell,
He chanted another, and a flick from his wand
cleaned up the land of his beloved Oz.
Out on the street and in the bars,
the sound of thunder rolled off afar,
And everyone stared, eyes glazed, into space,
Until one voice broke the spell,
"Bartender, I'll have that drink now."
Copyright © 1997