We are proud to be serving the citizens of Eden Falls, and we will be serving all of you...eventually.
Updates: September 11th~
The last occupants of the Eden Falls Cemetary have been placed in their graves. We had to add a seventh path in order to fit everyone in. If anyone has been missed please inform us immediately so we can bury them before they rot. CONGRATULATIONS to Marie Marioo, Riento Kujantaka, Sherry Royale, Taylor Damien, Tiger Wilde and Valerie Delajour for never EVER having been my customers! May you live long and happy lives!
We have received no other Last Wills from the dearly departed, but there is still time! If you would like to have your final say please email me at edenfallsmemorial@yahoo.com with your Wills.
~Morticia Tod
Take a look around our lovely facilities. Each section labelled on the map is explained below.
Enjoy and we will be seeing you................soon.
CEMETARY GUIDE
PATH ONE: Nick Sanchez-Rockefeller Paul Costerisan Lloyd Patrick Kevin Jawz Jason Carver Kylie McGovern Chris Diswiz Eric Diggory
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PATH TWO: Blaine Devereaux Robert Warhammer Jeremy Beaulieu Adam Turk Tammy Unicorn Heimi Weibchen Cory Lishus Ben Scorpian |
PATH
THREE: Polly Greenfields Caleb Green Shane Magicman Fenton Avarice Matt Ferris Taylor Bell Rich Zamora Rich Opus Leo L'Erotico Lauren DelGiudice |
PATH FOUR: Aaron Octavier Kyle Roy Bob Bobbert Gordo Ironic Gertie Hossenfeffer Aaron Keifer Chaz Veronakka Aimee Beaumont Devon Spasms Cindi Storm |
PATH FIVE: Dena Dolphins-Imahora Robert DePorter Becky Farquaar Denise Freiss Andrew Folino Fifi LaBouche Jawa Bravo Aelin Silverlake Derrick Hmm Kevin Tropics |
PATH SIX: Lauren Paisley Jakob Smyth Dustin Arturo Adam Moose Sam McDougal Andrew Veritas Logan Klaskowski Ryan Town-Idiot Tony Caleb Brian Boo Angela Spade John St.Croix PATH SEVEN Fernando Mooray Diane Destiny Michael Chance-Topper Alan Gunbanger Alex Imahora Timothy Obmann |
FUNERAL HOME: The first stop on your tour of the Memorial Gardens. In the event of your death the first thing you have to do is pick out the marker for your grave. This headstone will represent you for the remainder of your stay in Eden Falls, so choose wisely. Once you have made that choice you can go to your final resting place in the cemetary
THE CEMETARY: Where the fallen citizens of Eden Falls go for their eternal dirt nap....opps, slumber. Everyone may visit there to see the dearly departed.
FLOWER SHOP: What better way is there to say "hey, you're dead" than with a big bouquet of flowers. Any citizen of Eden Falls may request flowers be placed on the grave of one of the fallen. We do not accept orders from dead people, simply because their cheques almost never clear.
MEMORIAL WALL: Any living citizen may pay tribute to the dead on the Eden Falls Memorial Wall. It will provide some closure for the people still in the town. What would you like to say to the dead? Did you love them? Do you miss them? Couldn't care less they had there eyeballs removed and fed to them? This is the place to let them know you cared, or not.
Also included at the Memorial Wall is The Crypt. The Crypt is where those who have not survived can go and "hang out"WILL READING ROOM: This is the last place for the dead to be heard. How will the assets be distributed? What do they think about being dead? Has lack of blood flow made them any easier to deal with? All that information and more will be provided in the Will Reading Room.
HAUNTED HOUSE: The spirits are restless. Beware of this house and only enter when instructed to do so. People who have dared to enter have never been heard from again. There are only certain times when it is safe to enter and only the Officials of Eden Falls know when those times are.
oh yeah, and the MASS GRAVE: This is the pit reserved for the "also deads". People who don't deserve a place of honour in our beautiful cemetary get thrown in the grave of shame. The pit is not tended to and the bodies are piled one on top of the other....then spit on repeatedly.