So I said it. I did all the right things to back it up, dated, flirted, smiled and laughed. Lies. All lies. It amazes me nobody guessed that I wasn't as ok as I made out to be. I held that lie, wrapped myself up in it hoping, maybe, maybe I'd start to believe it too. I did it for you. Because thinking you hadn't ripped me to shreds was what you needed and I'd do anything, anything, to give you what you need...even if you're not mine anymore. Even if the lie is eating me alive.
You're so beautiful. I remember telling you once that you were too beautiful to be real, how I sometimes waited for wings to appear and then it would all make sense, how someone could be as heart-achingly lovely as you. You laughed and kissed me, and I know you thought it was a line, something to get you naked one more time before we had to rush to the airport...but I meant it. I've never known anyone like you, and you frightened me with your beauty sometimes. Because someone like me just wasn't good enough for you, and it terrified me to think of you not being mine anymore.
And now you're not. Oh, you're not gone, you're in my life...but I sometimes wish you weren't, because to be so close...close enough to reach out and touch you, is harder, I think, than to never be near you again. To look at you and remember what it was like to hold you in my arms, to feel your lips on mine, to know your hands on my body...it's a slow torture when I'd rather a swift death.
I never understood what the phrase "death by degrees' meant until you...until the night you laid me down, made slow, sweet love to me with a gentleness and passion that brought tears to my eyes, then, holding me against your heart, tore my world apart with 3 simple words. "There's someone else."
Oh, there were more words, many more, and tears, but those 3 are all I remember, all that counted in the end. And now I die by degrees every time I see you together, every time you exchange a look that, once upon a time, used to belong to only you and I. Every time you smile, every time you laugh, every time I take a breath. I die.
I suppose everyone will be shocked. Stunned when word spreads. Everyone but you. You'll know. And even now, even as I feel the pills kicking in, slowing my breathing and my heart...even now I wish I could protect you from the pain you'll feel. Because I never stopped wanting to give you what you need...even though you're not mine anymore.
I've been dead since those 3 words left your beautiful lips, only nobody but me knew it. Maybe next time I'll get to keep you, maybe the next time around you'll never leave. Until then, I'm not going to die by degrees anymore. I'm going to rest in pieces.
Rest In Pieces---Saliva
Look at me…my depth perception must be off again…cuz this hurts deeper than I thought it did…it has not healed with time…it just shot down my spine…
You look so beautiful tonight…reminds me how you laid us down…and gently smiled… before you destroyed my life…
Could you find it in your heart…to make this go away…and let me rest in pieces…(let me rest in pieces)…Would you find it in your heart…to make this go away…and let me rest in pieces…(let me rest in pieces)…
Look at me…my depth perception must be off again…you got much closer than I thought you did…I'm in your reach…you held me in your hands…
Would you find it in your heart…to make this go away…and let me rest in pieces…(let me rest in pieces)…Could you find it in your heart…to make this go away…and let me rest in pieces…(let me rest in pieces)
(repeat chorus 2x)
