The 'Spiritual' me
By: Larry "Bud" Bigelow
dunjinmastre@yahoo.com
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I have spend much time over the past 15 years as an amature ghost hunter. Along with my friend Steve searching for the truth amongst the hype as I believe that in every hoax, in every myth, there is an element of truth. Yes, often that truth is exagerated or embellished and you have to dig through the bullshit to find the reality of that truth and over the years these are some of the things I have discovered, and these discoveries are my own. I have not plagarized them off of someone else, with exception of the quotable quotes I added at the bottom of the webpage, I added the name of the person quoted when known.
I will establish that while I do not classify myself as a "psychic", I do classify myself as a "sensitive". I connect to spiritual beings normally on an emotional level, though I have at times experienced physical manifestations and seen and felt "entities/spirits" physically, this is the exception, not the rule.
I beleive from my studies and research over the years that ghosts are real and they fall basically under three catagories, excluding outright hoaxes. I concede that these categories of course are not definitive explainations, and there may be more to them than what I put down here, but these are merely my own findings, not drawn from anyone else's conclusions. I am putting them down here in writing because I wish to commit them to the written word so that they are not lost to time. Now, I want you to bear in mind that my findings and my beleifs are not set in stone rules as very few things are. In life there are always things that defy rules, there are in fact exceptions to EVERY rule.
Category 1: Psychic Impressions
This particular type of "haunting" is not truly a "haunting" at all per se, and accounts for the largest percentage of so-called hauntings. For many millennia, pagan religions, witches, shamans, etc have known that crystals can and do hold and store psychic / spiritual energy. What is rock and stone but millions of tiny crystals held together in one big mass. This is why I believe that stone and rock houses, (in my findings) particlarly seem to be "haunted" more often than wood homes for instance. In wood homes with hauntings, it seems that basements (lined with stone) or chimneys (also stone) seem to be a central point in rooms or areas allegedly haunted.
It is my belief and my finding that when such a place is exposed to entense emotions over many years that these feelings leave behind a trace (sometimes much more than a trace) of those raw emotions or even an imprint of the person experiencing those emotions. And it does not even have to be negative emotions which leave behind a psychic impression, it is just that houses that exude love and peace are not often reported as haunted, and merely regarded as the perfect home.
Regardless, I have gone in search of the truth in many occasions in places which are reportedly haunted, or places I have driven by and that just reach out and smacked me, as it were, and my gift tells me, "Hey man, that house is haunted". Only to find out that instead of being haunted by ghosts or entities, that the place is haunted only by the psychic impressions of the past.
So Stone and rock buildings you will find comprise the majority of "hauntings" and while I am not saying that some of these are not genuinely haunted, I am pointing out the fact that there is a big chance that it is nothing more than psychic impressions, and while often times it is only sensitives that might pick up on such a thing, if the building was subjected to intense emotions or subjected to emotions for a long time, then even normal people who may be non sensitive will feel something in these places, like "the heebie jeebies" or just an extremely uncomfortable feeling or even the hair on the arms and neck standing on end.
There are also variables which might intensify these things, such as the magnetic fields generated by high power sources in the area, such as microwave towers or an abundance of powerlines. Also, I have of course read and believe that constant seismic, geologic, geothermal activity also can generate the same magnetic fields. These, as I said, can amplify such activity, especially to sensitive individuals.
It is my opinion that so-called 'orbs' also may fall into this category, mostly under this last bit. I feel that they are perhaps minute (possibly microscopic) ball lightning (for lack of a better term) if you will. Which of course would explain why they can be picked up by cameras but not the human eyes or senses, or how they can be present without psychologically sensitive people feeling anything.
Category 2: Human Spirits
To me and in my findings, this is a much less common form of haunting and despite my christian upbringing, I am a believer in paranormal phenomenon, while at the same time being somewhat of a sceptic. I have to sense things for myself. I know beyond a shadow of doubt that ghosts exist, I am not entirely sure why.
Anyway, while I cannot say with 100% confidence WHY it happens every time, there are times when a spirit does not pass on from this world when their body dies. It would seem that sometimes it may be that there is something here in this world that was so important to them that they wanted to take it to their grave and couldn't and thus are afraid to leave it. Sometimes a life was cut short, before their time and the spirit seeks justice. Sometimes a spirit does not pass on because they feel the need to watch out for the family... in hind sight, I witnessed this one with a loved one, and at the time I was not aware of what was happening until after the fact.
My mother and father worked a lot when I was a child and I spent a great deal of time with my grandma and grandpa. Once I became an adult, my grandma passed on ... cancer. I spent a few nights there on several occasions in that house which my grandfather kept living in until years later when he passed. Several times I felt my grandma in that house, and it wasn't a psychic impression, there is a difference. She seemed to hang on and kept my grandpa company over the years, I am convinced. It was only after her death that I realized how much they had truly loved each other, when you spend that many years together, how could you not?
So in that case I think love kept her here as well as being able to see into the future as spirits do to see turmoil to come. I beleive it was about 7 years later when my grandfather followed her in death, and I remember, the day of the funeral. I had seen a dragonfly flying around outside during the "wake" and knowing something of the significance of the dragonfly, I decided to walk next door to the home my grandmother and grandfather had lived in all those years. While strolling through the backyard, and the years of memories in the old house, I sat on a five gallon paint bucket and slowly realized I felt Grandma and Grandpa standing there watching me, and watching the gathering next door which held all of their children and grandchildren.
I did not understand until much later that they were concerned... they knew what was coming up the following day. I did not, and I sent them on from this world, telling them that we would pull through that we would be ok and make it through together, little did I know. The following day, at the reading of my grandpa's will, the brothers and sisters, the children of my grandparents, began a lifelong feud which I doubt will ever become resolved, but now in hindsight I see why my grandparents were concerned and why they were staying behind. They knew that the following day was going to rip their children apart.
Basically, once humans shed this mortal flesh I believe they can see the future and though released from this world, sometimes love keeps them bound here.
I beleive though that the reasons some spirits stay behind are nearly as varied as we are, I also believe that once a spirit decides to stay behind that they have difficulty moving on without the help of gifted and/or educated sensitives.
Category 3: Created beings
This category is a strange, mysterious and varied category, it is also the smallest percentage of actual "Hauntings"
There are certain beings and entities out there which are not a member of either category 1 or category 2 and some of these can actually harm living humans.
Shaman magic is something that I belive can be used for good or evil, though for the most part I beleive shaman magic is fading from this world though, there are still those that practice it. There are far fewer than there once were. While I lump voodoo together with shamanistic magic, I generally am referring to the types of shaman magic which live in concert with nature when I refer to this type of magic.
One of the types of "created beings" I believe in are guardians summoned to this world or created by magic to guard burial grounds or other sacred places, I have heard stories of some mayan and incan and even native american places that have been protected by such entities. I myself have run into one of the later and while the entity itself I would have to say was decidedly neutral, it was also one of the most terrifying of the beings I have experienced... and I have had my fair share of experiences with all three catergories.
Also, while for the most part a vast majority of people no longer seem to beleive in Demons and Angels, I beleive they exist... I am not entirely sure that they are exactly what the bible, or hollywood for that matter have made them out to be, but what I beleive is that these beings were created before humans, and that I have felt beings that "felt" different, stronger, older, that were decidedly "good" or "evil" characteristically by the energy they exude, love, peace, protection for instance, as opposed to hate, maliciousness and fear.
In addition to these there are neutral entities as well, from the guardian spirits mentioned above when I was speaking of shamanistic magic to sprites / brownies, I have noticed my sensitivity since about puberty and it has merely grown over the years and one thing I have always noticed, is that I seem to attract spiritual beings like bugs to a lightbulb.
Particularly, one that has always seem prevalent in my own life are what I like to call brownies or sprites, some might call them gremlins as they were known in the early 1900s. Anyway, one characteristic that they seem to all demonstrate is the mischieviousness of making things disappear for a while and return days, weeks or months later right in the exact spot they had been taken from. My ex wife and my dad have both experienced this while living with me. Myself and them would constatly suffer from laying things down in a certain spot, and KNOW exactly where we put it and in spite of knowing beyond a shadow of doubt, the item would disappear. After searching the house over time and time again to no avail, one day the item would just be there again, exactly where we had left it, no one else had been in or out of the house and it, as I said would be right there where it was left exactly how it had been left sitting. This particular type of entity never seems to be particularly good or evil, this behavior seems to be just mischieviousness, nothing particularly malicious or benevolent about it. Brownies, sprites, the little people, etc. have been written into lore by various names for millennia by the celts, the ancient Brits, barbarian cultures, and many other ancient pagan and non-pagan lore
A few interesting encouters of note.
Among a few of the more interesting places of note I once had the opportunity to visit the old Danvers State mental hospital in Danvers, Massachusetts.... of course, um, we snuck in without permission as it is a federally guarded building now, closed down since the 80s.... setting aside the fact of why a building that has been closed since the 80s is still guarded in the 2000s is odd to say the least but that isn't the point of my topic here
Now Old Danvers State was quite the experience. A very unique place in many ways, it was in fact one of the strongest experiences I have ever had as a sensitive. The old massive building is an interesting case in that, this was a mental institution in the late 19th, and early 20th centuries when they felt that anyone who was "crazy" was in fact demon possessed, but eventually they began to experiement as the mysteries of the mind and medical science began to grow. God knows that many attrocities have been performed in the name of medical science in the early days. Old Danvers state and mental rehabilitation medicine was no different and perhaps in many ways even more cruel, though I am not sure we will ever know exactly all of what has happened there. Old Danvers state was where the frontal lobe lobotamy was perfected.
Anyway, Me and my co-conspirator in this illegally conducted investigation snuck in well after mid-night and just the facade of this huge goliath of an architectural achievment was intimidating but could not overwhelm the feelings I got from inside the building itself. The place made me mentally and emotionally uneasy to say the least. We searched and searched for a way in, not wanting to resort to actually Breaking in which of course... what we were doing was illegal whether we broke a window or not, but I was still young (early 20s) and had some silly ideas. Regardless, we never found a way in. The next day was Sunday and we decided to go back as I had accidentally lost my very expensive flashlight somewhere out there... doh
We went back shortly after sunrise, I quickly found my flashlight and funny enough, we found a window standing open right near where we had been that night when we left... and every single other window on the ground floor of this building was boarded up. And I have not mentioned that this building is HUGE, it is half a mile wide and half a mile deep (or at least it is in memory, and am 90% certain that it is ACTUALLY that big, hehe). Being young and impulsive, we decided, "eh, so what if it is daylight, we don't see the guard around" and so... we went in.
Once inside the building it didn't take long for the impressions of the past to start flooding into me. The farther we walked in the harder it got, it was like scuba diving and going 50 feet deeper at every step, I touched a few things, some old papers, the floor, the wall and did not make it all that far before I was experiencing what I have come to call psychic overload, which I have only experienced this one time EVER in 35 years on this world, in this lifetime.
As I sorted out my feelings I realized that the building was loaded with all three categories of spiritual phenomenon, deep down in the darkest recesses of the place that never saw light I could feel at least one being that had never been human, and was not a psychic impression, but I was also overwhelmed by psychic impressions left behind by a century and decades of torture and fear, hate, pain, sadness, depression, despair, loneliness, panic, paranoia, pure unadulterated madness and a score of other malicious sadistic emotions as well, not to mention the spirits of the countless numbers who died there, many of whom are buried in nameless graves on the property. A word in retrospect though from a sensitive who mostly feels the emotions of spiritual entities... nothing is as unnerving as madness, honestly it, to me, seems a far scarier emotion than all the others combined.
In the end, I had to leave. I was mentally/psychicly overloaded to the point of hardly being able to physically continue to keep walking deeper inside. As I said, it was very much like descending into the depths of the ocean, and I would never again go on an investigation of that place without other trained / experienced paranormal experts along with me. I will admittedly say I am but an amature. I have a gift that has been with me as long as I can remember, to feel these things, and a natural knack at figuring out how these spiritual things work. Psychich overload is much like... well imagine being in a room and having 100 radios playing on a hundred different stations and at the same time having 100 TVs on, all on different stations in front of you, all blaring at top volume... not sure about you but it is unnerving to me, I have to turn down the volume on the radio in the car when traffic gets hairy in rush hour.
I have often had mixed feelings about old Danvers State since, sometimes wishing I could go back and experience it again, but at the same time, hoping to never step foot there again.
Another place that was seriously messed up in this way was the old Salem Prison, in Salem, Massachusetts, right next door to this ancient graveyard (ok ancient to me, an american, hehe, 17th century). We went down there around mid-night on Halloween, I may be mistaken but it seemed like there was a full moon... but don't quote me on that. Anyhow, me, two other sensitives and another (from among the populace whom I generally refer to as "psychically numb" which comprises the largest part of the population of the planet) we all went down there and snuck into the neighboring cemetary and began looking over the prison to find a way inside.
The interesting thing about this place is that the cemetary next to this "old Salem prison" is one of the most peaceful places I have ever felt, in daylight or at night, but the prison itself... not so much
Myself and this girl Kanani who, we being the two most sensitive people there were following along behind the other two, the closer we get, the more uncomfortable K becomes, and I myself slowly become aware of being watched, not our party as a whole, just K and I. We were not welcome. There were a number of entities here some we determined were definitely the spirits of past inmates and a sadistic guard or two, but there were two that we are convinced were malicious created beings which had never been human. Eyes closed, K and I both pointed out to the other two exactly where these two strong beings were and both pointed unerringly to the same spots. (in hind sight it's funny, "Hey look there guys, it's Lucifer" "Alright! Let's go in!!" heh)
Now we were trying to work our way into getting into the prison itself and there is this one area between the cemetary and the prison itself where there is a line of trees, then a fence, then a very dark alley then one of the outbuildings of the old prison. The numb one among us started to steal closer, myself following closely behind and K and the other sensitive following behind. To me it seemed that the dark alley part was gathering darkness, the eyes could not seem to pierce it, and vibes seemed to be coming from it that were terrifying K and the other sensitive was taking his cue from her. The numb one seemed to not notice at all and was walking along between the trees and the fence trying to find a way through into the alley and my apprehension was growing at the intense feelings coming from the darkness.
Suddenly, when he had at last decided he had figured out a way to get through, there came a sound from just on the other side of this fence right near us, from inside the darkness that sounded like, and this was accompanied with a mental image in my mind, of a huge cat shredding wood with his claws. Considering I was three feet from the 8 foot tall fence and he was right next to it, and the dark alley just on the other side of the fence was only ten feet wide.... we were within 10 feet of whatever was making that noise. K and the other sensitive with her were back about 10 feet behind us and she was near hysterics when we heard the noise. The feelings I was picking up being emanated from the darkness was forcing my adrenaline to kick in to overdrive... a mixture of panic and excitement. I literally had to drag the numb one away because after hearing the noise he strangely enough, he wanted even more to get over there and see where the noise came from.
Myself however and the other two sensitives had had enough and decided that whatever was over there eminating those malicious vibes, and making those horrible ripping sounds, added to the feelings of the beings upstairs in the main prison, we decided entering on halloween night at midnight was not a wise thing to do. Again, as with the Mental Institution, this place seems to hold all three categories of spiritial or should I say, "paranormal" phenomenon, and honestly I do not think I have ever experienced an encounter that did not fit into one or more of these categories. Even what I have heard and read of poltergheists, I would say that they would fall under "created beings". Now what exactly poltergheists are, well there is some debate and I have not had any encouters with them and so cannot truly say, seeing that I have not felt/experienced it for myself.
There have been times over my lifetime when I have considered my gifts a curse as much as a blessing. Until moving to Salem and learning to shut off my gift and shield myself and my abilities, I found myself a beacon in the night as it were, and often found myself troubled by spirits that were drawn to me because they realized I was aware of them.
