ch19

The next night, all ten kids are in the lobby, for nine different reasons. The guys are seated on one side of the lobby, the girls on the other.
Chris- What are they doing here?
Greg- (shrugs) Don’t know. They’re probably going to the movies or something.
A few minutes later, a tan, spiky-haired boy comes walking through the revolving doors. He glances around, raising his sunglasses.
Meagan- Brody!
Brody- Meg!
They run up to each other and hug. Meagan flashes Matt a sly grin over Brody’s shoulder.
Matt- What the hell…?
Just then, fiddling is heard as a beautiful blonde Southern cowgirl comes galloping through the revolving doors.
Pollyanna- Yeeeeeeeeee HAW!!!!
Matt- (lowering his head) Oh god…
The other four guys laugh silently.
Pollyanna makes her way over to Dream Street’s sofa. She is quite a beauty, wearing a plaid mid-drift and tight blue jeans. Her long loose curls are tied in two low pigtails.
Jesse- (nudging Matt) Not bad, cowboy.
Jesse’s statement is jinxed when Pollyanna smiles, revealing a missing front tooth.
The guys cringe.
Pollyanna- There you are, studmuffin! I been lookin’ all over for you!
Matt- Oh…uh…really…?
Pollyanna- Sure have. You’re pretty handsome for a Yankee.
Jesse- No, he’s not a baseball player-
Greg elbows Jesse.
Matt- And uh…you’re pretty…pretty for a gap- er, girl…
Pollyanna giggles, grabbing Matt’s arm and yanking him up off the couch.
Matt- Woah boy…
At that very second, the ground starts to shake.
Nelda runs into the revolving doors, but doesn’t make it very far as she is stuck.
Greg lowers his head as the eleven others giggle.
After the service team has removed the door to let Nelda in, a small, quiet figure walks lightly in through the hole in the wall.
Ming- (in very choppy English, an Oriental accent clearly present) Hello how are you.
Jesse- Uh…fine, thanks, and you?
Ming- Hello how are you.
Jesse shakes his head, standing up slowly.
Nelda- (stroking Greg’s arm) There’s my sexy boy!
Greg- Uh huh…yeah I know I’m sexy…but not for you…
A few minutes later, a tall, dark-haired boy comes strolling into the lobby. He looks around curiously.
Tory- Winston!
Winston- Tor!
They run to each other and hug, as Tory winks at Chris.
Chris- Huh? What the…
About five seconds later, a gorgeous, taller, tan, brunette girl walks seductively into the lobby. She strolls up to Chris, as all the guys stare at her with devilish smiles on their faces.
Chris- I…I…I…
Christina- I am Christina.
Chris- I…I…I…
Christina- I am so glad I get to spend the evening with you, Chris. You’re so hot.
Chris- S-s-so are y-y-you…
Christina- Aw, thanks! I just need to put my hair up…
Christina reaches into her purse, leaning her head back and shaking her hair slowly…like in the Herbal Essences commercial. After grabbing a ponytail-holder, she raises her arms to her head, revealing the most hairy armpits the guys have ever seen.
Chris- Holy geez!
Greg- Oh my god!
Frankie- Wowsers!
Matt- God almighty!
Jesse- It’s called Venus!
Christina- (after securing her hair) What, boys?
Chris- (cringing) Uh….n-n-nothing…
At the same time, a shorter, tan girl wrapped in robes comes gliding over to Frankie.
Osama- Hello, Frankie.
Frankie- Hi, there…
Osama- I see you’ve forgotten your turban.
Frankie- Uh-
Osama- No, don’t worry. I always keep a spare.
Osama pulls out a large turban and places it on Frankie’s head.
Frankie- Um…thank you?
Just then, a tall, blonde, gorgeous boy swaggers into the lobby.
Anna- Beau!
Beau- Anna!
They run up to each other and hug. Anna smiles over at Frankie slightly.
The five guys and their dates begin making their way to the hole.
Frankie- (to Greg) I don’t get it…
Greg- Oh, I know…(He smacks Nelda) Get off me, you cow…
Nelda- Sorry…you…big beautiful BUCK.
Frankie starts to laugh.
Greg- Me? Big? Maybe my muscles are…
Christina- Tell me, Chris, what kind of gel do you use?
Chris- What? Sorry…I was distracted by the fur under your arms…
Jesse- So, Ming? You into cheerleading?
Ming- I make Origami.
Jesse- Really? You’ll have to make that for me sometime. I love pasta.
Pollyanna- Matthew, have you ever lived on a farm?
Matt- (sarcastically) Oh yeah…I milked the cows…

***

Anna and Beau are in the biggest, nicest arcade in the city. Beau is playing the game where you swing the bat to hit the virtual ball.
Anna- Come on…YES! You won!
Beau- That’s what happens when you’re me. What color frog do you want?
Anna- Green…no, RED.

***

Frankie and Osama are sitting in a vegetarian restaurant. A waiter approaches their table.
Waiter- Hello, welcome to “The Meat Sucks Café”.
Frankie- Hmm…that could mean one of two things…
Waiter- Can I take your order?
Frankie- Oh, um…hmm…I think I’ll go with the spaghetti and meatless meatballs. Oh wait…are they Trader Joe’s?
Waiter- Pardon?
Osama- I will have my usual BLT.
Frankie- B-L-T, bacon, lettuce, and tomato…that’s one-third meat.
Osama- No, Frankie. It’s the Boca, lettuce, and tomato.
Frankie- Sure…

***

Meagan and Brody are playing catch with a football in Central Park.
Brody- Remember that one time when I tackled you onto the pavement and your whole left side got all bruised-up?
Meagan- Yeah…well of course there was the time when I sacked you into the electrical box…your hair was a lot spikier that afternoon…
They laugh as they continue to toss the football.

***

Matt and Pollyanna have front row seats at the Westchester County Cattle Herding Showdown 2001*.
Pollyanna- Isn’t this so much fun??
Matt- Yeah yeah fascinating…I only wish I could join these idiots being flung from their horses at fifty miles an hour.
Pollyanna- Really? Well why didn’t ya say so?
Pollyanna stands up, shouting.
Pollyanna- This here lad wants to volunteer as a guest rider!
Matt- No…I…uh…
Cowboy- Sure thing, boy! Come on in!
Matt is tossed into the ring against his will as the crowd roars.
Cowboy- Alright, let ‘er out!
A humongous bull comes bounding out of its corral, headed right for Matt…

***

Melissa and Amy wander around the lobby. As they head over to the fountain, Amy starts hopping around.
Amy- Melissa, Melissa, do you have any pennies???
Melissa- Huh?
Amy- Pennies! To toss in the fountain!
Melissa- Oh…right…sure, hang on.
Melissa reaches into her change purse, pulling out a small handful of pennies, giving half to Amy.
Amy- Yes!
They run over to the fountain. Amy tosses the pennies in at her own fast pace, missing half of her targets. Melissa is smarter, and leans over the edge to toss hers in.
Amy- Look, it’s a porcupine! How cute!
A dark-haired blob swims in the fountain, faster and faster toward an unsuspecting Melissa. Suddenly, a long, hairy arm reaches up out of the water, grabbing Melissa and sucking her in…

***

Greg sits on a bench outside Macy’s. Nelda jogs out, about to sit down next to him.
Nelda- Wasn’t that so much fun?
Greg- Nelda, no, don’t sit doooooooooooooooown….
Greg is flung sky-high into the air.

***

Tory, Winston, and their friends from camp are seated around a large table at a nearby Wendy’s.
Winston- And then there was the time at camp when we used the ketchup dispensers, and ketchup went EVERYWHERE!
The table erupts into laughter.
Tory- Yeah…it was ALL OVER my brand new shirt!
More laughs.
Tyegue- Yeah… and then Spit chased all over the main lodge!
Sophia- Yeah…he spit a huge one on the back of Ryan’s neck!
Ryan- It was HILARIOUS!
Tory forces a laugh, really thinking how disgusting that is…

***

Chris and Christina are at a sophisticated art show in the city.
Christina- This sculpture…it SPEAKS to me…
Chris- So should an electric razor…
Christina- Huh?
Chris- Nothing…

***

Jesse and Ming are at the ‘Chinese Interpretive Dancing’ class. Soft, Oriental music can be heard in the background.
Teacher- Lift the right leg up to the back of your head like so…
Ming and the others follow her lead, moving their legs up behind their heads.
Jesse picks up his foot and looses his balance, falling with a thump.
Jesse- (jumping up) I’m ok…I’m OK…
Jesse attempts to bring his foot up behind him, making a moaning sound as he pulls a muscle in his thigh.
Jesse- Youch…ok, no, not happening…
Jesse smoothes out a wrinkle in his leotard, putting his hands on his hips.
Jesse- Ming, I think it’s about time we leave this Wang-Chung fiesta and head for some rice or something…
Ming- No Jesse…me not feel loose yet.

***

Meanwhile, at the arcade…
Beau wins yet another game, handing Anna her ninth huge stuffed animal as she struggles to hold them all up.
Beau- You wanna go eat yet? My arms are getting tired.
Anna- (mumbling) Yours are…?
Beau- We’ll go someplace nice…the Ritz?
Anna- (dropping her stuffed animals) The Ritz? As in the hotel?
Beau- Yeah, yeah. My mom said she’d pick us up in the Lexus and we’d head over.
Anna- Right…

***

At about the same time…
Frankie and Osama are eating their last bites of dinner.
Frankie- (picking at a meatless meatball) This is just…yummy…
Osama- (after swallowing a mouthful of Boca-lettuce-tomato) Frankie, you not like?
Frankie- Huh? Oh, uh, what on earth would make you say that, uh, Osama?
Osama- Maybe because you haven’t touched your meatless meatballs.
Frankie- Oh, well…you see…hey now, I ate the pasta, and pasta doesn’t kill any animals either.
Osama- You’re a cute one, Frankie. Now, what do you say we head over to the fundraiser? Did you bring the check?
Frankie- (coughing on his Sprite) I’m sorry?
Osama- The check…for the fundraiser…I told them that you would make a donation.
Frankie- Oh god…look, I’m sure Shamu and all his pals will be fine without my help. Oh…I do have a quarter in here…(he digs in his back pocket, pulling out a coin)

***

Meagan and Brody are playing tackle football with some guys in Central Park.
Brody- Set…HIKE!
Meagan runs out for the pass, catching it and continuing on toward the end line. A big group of people comes running up and just as she enters the end zone, tackles her extremely hard into the group, snapping her ankle back.
Meagan- OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!
Brody- Uh oh…

***

Matt sprints around the ring at the WCCHS 2001…afraid for his life.
Pollyanna- Yee haw! Go, Matthew! Get ‘em!
Matt- (gasping for air as he continues to run) Oh…my…god…huge…bull…
Just then, Matt trips on a stone, smacking his head on the ground and blacking out.

***

Amy stands back up straight.
Amy- Yes! I found my penny…OOH! It’s a 2001 penny! How special…hey, where’d you go, Melissa?
Amy waits a minute, shrugs, and begins tossing in her next wave of pennies.

***

John and Melissa have left the fountain and have retreated to a storage closet.
John fumbles around and switches on a light, revealing the butt-ugly figure before Melissa.
Melissa- What do you want with me??
John- I heard Greg betrayed you. Well, Pretty Momma, I’m here to take you into my arms and love you forever.
Melissa- Ew…god…John, Greg hasn’t betrayed me!! He had to take Nelda out for the fans.
John- But, Nelda is VERY attractive…you wouldn’t want Greg to fall in love with her…That is unless you have someone like me, John, to hold you and love you and care for you.
Melissa- EW! Get a life, freak! (She starts to grab the doorknob, but is stopped by John’s wet, hairy arm)
John- Pretty Momma, please wait. Let me take you out tonight.
Melissa- In your fat dreams…I’d rather roll in poo and eat it.
John- Please, Pretty Momma? Your penny-throwing friend is welcome to join us.
Melissa- (sarcastically) I’m sure she’ll be thrilled, John.

***

Gravity has finally caught up with Greg, and he falls to the ground in a heap.
Nelda- Greg! You’re AMAZING! I’ve NEVER seen anyone fly before!
Greg- (wincing as he tries to stand up) Well Nelda, they just need you to sit down next to them on a bench.
Nelda- *snort* Oh Greg…silly boy. Did you hurt something?
Greg- Well Nelda, I do believe I’ve broken my ass. Other than that…I’m coolio.
Nelda- (really loud) You broke your caboose??
All the pedestrians stop to look at Greg.
Greg hides his head in his jacket.
Nelda- Well…I’ve never broken my butt.
Greg- Well Nelda, I don’t have quite as much padding…
Nelda- I forgot…you’re a bony one.
Greg- Actually, I’m a normal one.

***

Tory and Winston continue to chat about their camp experiences with their friends.
Tyegue- I wonder if we started a food fight here…like at camp…would we get in trouble?
Winston- I don’t know…it’s worth a try…
Sophia- Yeah! That would be so fun.
Tory- Guys…I don’t wanna get food on my clothes…this is a fairly new shirt.
Ryan- Aw, come on, Tor!
Tory- Well…ok…
They start tossing food around the restaurant, as more and more people begin to join in.
Manager- What’s this racket?
He gets pelted with a chicken nugget.
Manager- (picking up a handful of fries from the fry cooker) Alright that’s it, who threw that?

***

Chris and Christina are “mingling” with the guests at the art show.
A lady in furs is standing with Christina, talking about the show.
Lady- Such beautiful pieces, don’t you think?
Christina- Yes, yes. They have a deep meaning that I just FEEL in my SOUL…
Chris is standing with his arms crossed, a slightly freaked-out look on his face, as he watches a mime.
Chris- (following the mime’s hand movements) Up…down…to the left…behind…above…tilts head…DAMN IT WOULD YOU LOOK AT SOMEONE ELSE?!
The people in the area pause their chatting and turn in Chris’s direction.
Chris- Oops…

***

Meanwhile, at the ‘Chinese Interpretive Dancing’ class…
Jesse is very close to getting his foot up behind his head.
Jesse- Only…a little more…THERE!
Suddenly, there is a loud crack.
Jesse’s mouth drops open, part in shock, part in pain…
Ming- Jesse, you ok?
Jesse- I think I’m stuck…
Teacher- I go call doctor. Do not worry, young grasshopper.
The teacher dashes out of the room as the other students look at Jesse, who hops around in pain.
Jesse- Ming?
Ming- Yes Jesse?
Jesse- (wincing) Get…my…cell phone…
Ming- Your what? What you want?
Jesse- My phone…you know, you talk on it?
Ming- Oh phone! I have a phone, yes.
Jesse- No…MY PHONE.
Ming- Oh you have phone too?
Jesse- AH! I’ll…OUCH…get it myself…OUCH!
Ming- Jesse?

***

Beau and Anna are sitting in the Ritz eating their dinner.
Beau- I hate fancy restaurants.
Anna- (coughing on her water) Excuse me? Then why are we here?
Beau- (shrugs) Well…I thought maybe you liked them. Besides, you normally date that boy band kid-
Anna- Frankie is not in a boy band!
There is a short pause.
Anna- Ok fine…continue…
Beau- Well anyway, he’s obviously got money to go to fancy places, and I thought I would too.
Anna- Oh, that’s sweet of you. But honestly, the fanciest place I’ve been with Frankie is Yankee Stadium.
Beau- Oh…so wanna split this place?
Anna- Yeah.
They smile and get up to leave the restaurant.
Host- Vait! Vere are you going? You have to pay ze bill!
Beau hands the guy a twenty as he and Anna walk out the door.

***

Frankie and Osama are seated at the “Save the Whales Fundraiser”.
Osama- Frankie, I would like to thank you for getting your checkbook. You will not regret your decision to help these large aquatic animals.
Frankie- Right…
Bidder Guy- I would like to start the auction now. Order!
Frankie- Auction? You didn’t tell me it was an auction! That’s pretty sweet!
Osama- Call it what you must.
Bidder Guy- First up, we are auctioning this lovely lime-green velvet table cloth…
Frankie- Ew, that’s disgusting…but I want it anyway!
Bidder Guy- Let’s start at $50…do I have $50?
An old woman stands up.
Old Woman- Fifty.
Frankie shoots an evil glance in her direction. He stands up.
Frankie- Fifty-five.
Old Woman- Sixty.
Frankie- Oh you wanna play games with me, old timer, is that it? Fine, fine. I know how you people operate. Using those wrinkles to your advantage…well I’m here now, so back off, Grams.
The old lady’s mouth drops open as she tenses up.
Osama- Frankie…
Frankie- Sixty-five.
Old Woman- Seventy.
Frankie- Eighty!
Old Woman- A hundred!
Frankie- One fifty!
Old Woman- Two hundred!
Frankie- A ha ha ha…I see…trying to impress me, eh? Three fifty!
Old Woman- Four hundred!
Frankie- Eek…um…how much table space does that thing cover?
Bidder Guy- From looks of it…7x4 feet.
Frankie- Hmm…well, if my math is right, that’s 28 square feet…so I could easily fit 56 pairs of shoes on there…no…my feet are too big…hmm…well, maybe if I stack each shoe on top of the other one…yeah…that could work…
Bidder Guy- Could we get on with it? I have four hundred…do I have $450?
Frankie- FOUR THOUSAND!
The crowd gasps.
Frankie- Oops…I got caught up in the moment…
Bidder Guy- I have $4000, do I have $4100?
Silence.
Bidder Guy- $4000 going once…
Frankie- Is there any way I could lower my bid?
Bidder Guy- $4000 going twice…
Frankie- I’ll take that as a no…
Bidder Guy- Sold to the young man in the huge black pants!
Frankie- UFOs, you pansy.