Are you drunk on Brandy?

Are you Drunk on Brandy? If not, then here's a glass, on the house.

5/14/06 Mood: Unhappy Music: Keith Urban - Tonight I Wanna Cry Sometimes it takes those daft people alot longer then it's taken me to realize a few simple things about my life: ::I don't have anybody that I can trust ::I don't have anybody that I can confide in ::People only talk to me so that they can use me ::I am constantly avoiding decisions: and for good reason ::Every decision I make is the wrong one ::I'm never going to be first in anyone's life...nobody will love me the most. ::People would get over my death relativly quickly. Really, all I am is a burdon to people: another mouth to feed, another person to buy things for, another heart to break, another life to worry about, and another soul craving love and affection. I wish I had someone to talk to. __________________________ 3/11/06 Mood: Not too happy Music: Darren Hayes - Love and Attraction Now I will tell you what I've done for you 50 thousand tears I've cried Screaming Deceiving and Bleeding for you And you still won't hear me Don't want your hand this time I'll save myself Maybe I'll wake up for once Not tormented daily defeated by you Just when I thought I'd reached the bottom I'm dying again I'm going under Drowning in you I'm falling forever I've got to break through I'm going under Blurring and Stirring the truth and the lies So I don't know what's real and what's not Always confusing the thoughts in my head So I can't trust myself anymore I'm dying again I'm going under Drowing in you I'm falling forever I've got to break through So go on and scream Scream at me I'm so far away I won't be broken again I've got to breathe I can't keep going under I don't know what's wrong with you, but you can't keep hurting me. I'm sorry to end it, and I'll probably be more upset then you will, but until you realize...there's nothing else I can do. __________________________ 2/8/06 Mood: Anxious Music: Britney Spears - Born To Make You Happy It's strange how some people just don't like to take no for an answer...even after I've repeatedly told them. It makes me dissapointed in the human race. I'm so glad I have my guy...I love him. ________________ 2/5/06 Mood: Delusional, in love happy. Music: Darren Hayes - In Your Eyes Joe: I love you sweetie Joe: I think about you frist thing every morning and every night. I miss you so much. I can't wait to see your shining face again. I love that boy. Even during the worst of times, he can make me smile, and even when I'm missing him so much he can make me feel like everything's going to be okay. He can take my mood from depressed to delusional, stupid, in love happy just by his words. I love that boy. I love you, boy. Love you, love you, love you! ____________________________________ 1/25/06 Mood: Nastolgic Music: Rascal Flatts - Bless the Broken Road I set out on a narrow way many years ago Hoping I would find true love along the broken road But I got lost a time or two Wiped my brow and kept pushing through I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you Every long lost dream lead me to where you are Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars Pointing me on my way into your loving arms This much I know is true That God blessed the broken road That led me straight to you I think about the years I spent just passing through I'd like to have the time I lost and give it back to you But you just smile and take my hand You've been there you understand It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true Every long lost dream lead me to where you are Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars Pointing me on my way into your loving arms This much I know is true That God blessed the broken road That led me straight to you ...I miss you soooo much. Come home to me? Kidnap me? Let's run away together, someplace where they'll never find us. Please, just don't leave me. I don't really have a choice, do I? Joe's leaving and there's nothing I can do or say that can change that... except goodbye. But I don't want to say goodbye... Why does life suck SO much? It's like I'm being punished, but why?! I'm only nice to people, I don't do anything mean to people and now everything is going wrong...I just don't know anymore. Please, please don't leave me. But what the hell am I gunna do about it? Or you? Neither of us really have a choice. ________________________________ 1/23/06 Mood: Upset Music: Rent - I'll Cover You (Reprise) Congratulations! So this is how friends act, huh? Well congratulations, you just lost one hell of a friend. When I say I didn't tell anything, I damn well didn't: if I'm such a fuckin cunt, then why did I stand by you for two damn years while you were harassed? Why was I the ONLY ONE who defended you? I see how I get my kindness and compassion returned. By the two people who I considered best friends not letting me tell my side of the story; calling me up just to scream and to yell and to blame me and to not believe me when I know that I'm telling the truth. Congratulations. Now you'll now how it feels to be TRUELY alone, you ungrateful piece of shit. Because now you've got NO one. You hear that? No one. I'm sorry I ever believed that karma would repay me for my kindness to you. You're just a scumbag, you and your boyfriend, and that's all you'll ever be. Stay that way: it suits you well. You better forget what a good friendship you're giving up, cause you'll miss it now that it's gone. Now that it's gone, you're not gunna find anything better. So all I can say to you is: Congratulations. Have a great, scumbag life. _____________________________ 1/15/06 Mood: Anxious, upset Music: Darren Hayes - Unlovable So this is how it feels to get dumped. It really, really....really sucks. I don't really know how things can get worse...but I won't say that they can't, because I'm pretty sure that fate doesn't like me enough that it might just try to prove me wrong. Thank you for breaking my heart...I love you. Add on: You could take my heart, tug and taunt it, bruise and beat it, spit and stomp on it, and after everything I will pick it up and give it back to you to make it better. I love you...thank you for realizing your mistake, and making it right. _________________________________ 1/5/06 Mood: Depressed Music: Backstreet Boys - Incomplete I feel empty, forgotten, and alone. And nobody gives a damn. _________________________________ 11/18/05 Mood: Depressed Music: Darren Hayes - In Your Eyes While driving tonight, I almost purposely crashed my car four times. Maybe then people will realize they can't just walk all over me. They can't just use me. Maybe then people will pay attention to me, and want me around. Maybe then people will CARE. Fuck you all. I'm sick of this god damn bullshit, and I'm sick of you. ________________________ 10/24/05 Mood: Drab Music: Mozart - Piano Sonata no. 15 in C Major I don't know...the past few weeks have been strange. My mood swings have been so dramatic that I've debated seeing a doctor about anti-depressants, but chickened out every time thinking that it was me being overdramatic. I just don't know, though. One time, a fight between myself and Bonnie (who I RARELY ever fight with, even though we're sisters) got so bad that we ended up in a genuine fist fight, I smacked her in the face and kicked her in the stomach to get her off of me after she retaliated. I can be chipper and happy one minute, then the next I'm bursting into tears because of a line of a song, or even just a thought that sporatically ran through my mind while driving sends me into tears. There's people around me but I've never felt so alone... The people who I expected to be my friends in my situation arn't supportive, and can only be called companions. Sometimes there are moments where I just want to drop everything, and forget about everyone: but I love my mom, and my family, too much to do that to them. The rain is definitely affecting my moods, and I am actually finding myself DREADING winter. My favorite season. Soemthing tells me I'd be happier in summer. I can't wait until summer. My GPA is so bad...how can I expect to get into any college? But everyone thinks I'm so smart...really, I'm not. I bet if I had stayed in my standard classes, this wouldn't have happened. I'd have strait As....but I had to go into Accelerated. Had to challenge myself. Now I'm falling back on a 2.7 GPA to control the rest of my life. I hate school. I hate the people, I hate the purpose, I hate everything. I wish I could just quit, but...then where would I go in life? I definitely don't want to go four more years of school, but even moreso I don't want to turn out like my parents, always penny-pinching and running out of money and taking out more loans. On a plus side, I got a 1590 on my SATs my second time around. Its things like that that inspire my random tears. These tears were happy, though: maybe I can be smart, after all. Not as smart as some, but, hey...we all can't be lucky, right? If God meant for me to have more challenges, then so be it. We'll see who wins. __________________________ 9/25/05 Mood: Shaken Music: Love and Attraction - Darren Hayes Bonnie showed me this article today: http://www.eastbayexpress.com/Issues/2005-09-21/news/news.html Do not go to that link if you are squeamish, or faint of heart: I'll admit that even after I read it, my hands were shaking, and my eyes were HUGE after viewing the pictures they displayed. I just don't know what to believe anymore. _________________________________ 8/27/05 Mood: Tired, still Music: Hoobastank - Remember Me I stand here face to face With someone that I used to know He used to look at me and laugh But now he claims That he's known me for so very long But I remember being no one I wanted to be just like you So perfect, so untouchable Now you want me to be with you Someone who used to have it all Do you remember now You acted like you never noticed me Forget it Cause the gone has come around And you're not allowed to be a part of me Did you know me? Or were you too preoccupied With playing king in your small kingdom And now the real world Has stripped you of your royalty And from your kingdom you're evicted I wanted to be just like you So perfect, so untouchable Now you want me to be with you Someone who used to have it all Do you remember now You acted like you never noticed me Forget it Cause the gone has come around You're not allowed to be a part of me Part of me Part of me Part of me You're never going to be a part of me You're never going to be a part of me You're never going to be a part of me You're never going to be a part of me You're never going to be a part of me You're never going to be a part of me Do you remember now You acted like you never noticed me Forget it Cause the gone has come around You're not allowed to be a part of me Part of me __________________________ 8/19/05 Mood: Tired Music: Darren Hayes - Boy Stand up straight Boy Tuck your shirt Wipe your face Nobody likes a crybaby Boy Baby boy Dry your eyes Welcome to the world Boy Stand up straight Baby boy Dry your eyes (Don't hit your sister) Don't hit your sister Shut your mouth Wipe your hands Don't you cry Tuck your shirt Turn off the TV Don't hit your sister Get a job Turn it down Find a girl Rule the world (Do you call that music) Don't sing high Boy Use your sense (Cut your hair) Get what you want Shoot your gun Cut your hair (Cut your hair) Drop your phone Dance with your hands down Use your name Rule the world (Keep it inside) It's your right now Don't hit your sister (Nobody likes a crybaby) We like girls who are thinner, baby (Don't hit your sister) Nobody likes a crybaby boy Baby boy Stake your claim (Shut your mouth) Drive your car (What's is your problem) Buy a bigger one (Tuck your shirt in) (Cat caught in your tongue) Choose a book (Don't make me show you) Shoot your gun (If I have to find it) Don't get me angry Don't sing high (I have to use it again) (Don't make me) Don't get me angry (I don't have to use it again) Baby baby (Shut your mouth) Baby boy (Don't hit your sister) Keep the noise down Boy Use your sense Baby boy (Nobody likes a crybaby, boy) Lift some weights Win the race Baby boy Tuck your shirt Everybody likes a winner, baby (Don't hit your sister) Everybody likes a winner, baby Everybody likes a winner Everybody likes a sinner, baby Ace the test Find a girl Buy a home (Clean your plates) Settle down (Eat your vegetable) Keep your feelings deep inside (Don't be late) Don't sing high Don't make me use it We like girls who are thinner, baby Better lift some weights We like girls who are thinner, baby Feed your dog (Better lift some weights) (Shut your mouth) Shoot your gun Drop your phone Drive your car (Don't make me angry) It's your right now Don't sing high now Find a girl Clean your room Baby baby baby baby boy (If I have to find it you'll be sorry) We like boys who are trimmer, baby We like girls who are thinner, baby Boy Baby boy We like girls who are thinner, baby Baby boy Don't sing high Boy Baby boy Go to sleep That song always makes me kind of nostalgic...although I'm not sure why. So the summer's been well: I havn't really been able to update my journal because of problems with my computer, but now I can, because I fixed it. Now that I updated it, though...there's not much to say. Everything just kind of did its own thing, came and went. The end of June had me in New Hampshire, our little two bedroom cottage with one living room and a kitchen: thank God we had our new trailor, the luxerious structure with a master bedroom, a set of bunk beds, and two other beds that came out of the table and the sofa. Then there's a tv (gamecube, dvd player, and vhs) with a fully equipped bathroom (bathtub, shower, sink, and toilet). We were all set. While New Hampshire wasn't very much fun (as I anticipated) it was better than expected, maybe because Bonnie was there this time. After New Hampshire (we left the fourth of July) and chilled out, until that cursed day that we all knew was coming, but we all hoped wouldn't. I got to listen to any music I wanted on the drive to Boston, until we got to the hospital. I guess I'm just special: while usually normal people get their wisdom teeth yanked in the office, I'm that exception that got to go to the hospital. All the nurses thought that I was funny: they rolled me out into the hallway, and the doctor says, "I'm just gunna put this on your IV, Brandy, don't even worry about it, it'll just be a little warm." So she attaches it, and I sit there for a second like, "o.o". After that second, she goes, "You okay, Brandy?" You know, me being me, I smiled reassuringly at her and, as I'm seeing double, manage to stutter out, "Oh yah, I'm fine: I was just afraid that was going to put me to sleep!" Exit, stage left: Brandy passes out. When I woke up, the nurses were around me, and they brought my mom in: the operation had only taken an hour or so. Apparantly I had bled alot, and when I felt around my mouth, there were numerous cuts and blood (eiw). They explained to me that the operation had been extremely hard for the doctor (because my mouth is so small, and they were so far in. I did, after that, make the mistake of saying to one of my male friends, "yah, my mouth is really small, it sucks", which resulted in about a half an hour of laughter from him, directed at me). For about a week afterward, posibly a week and a half, I was pretty swollen: pumpkin with eyes, perhaps. I took percocet for the pain, and didn't realize until it was gone that, while the bottle had stated take one every 4-6 hours, I had been popping one every two hours, and was now addicted. That took a few other medications to remedy, but it's fine, now. So, after taking a week off for my wisdom teeth, my mom convinced me to spend a week with her in Cape Cod, which I accepted because I...wanted to go. ^^ I invited Scilla, and she accepted immediately and was down about an hour after we got there: I love her! We had so much fun! When I came home, however, I faced the reprocussions of my two weeks off from work; the end of the month of July, and no money to pay that blasted loan payment. My dad's a sucker, though, and paid it for me: I know that he can't do that every time, though, so I have to be careful. Those two weeks, however, screwed everything up for me: I've been having serious money problems since then, but I'm sure they'll all work themselves out. Took my senior pictures the day before yesterday, it was kind of nice: I hope they turn out good, I tried my best. The backstreet boys concert was on Sunday: Caitleen and Emily came with us, and it was wicked fun. not only was it more like all their other concerts, you know the up beat, we love our fans and we love each other, just warm attitude. I love it. It was neat, because we wern't FAR away, but we couldn't see: so we moved to some seats on the end, which didn't belong to ANYBODY, we're sure, and we could see GREAT from there. Then it happened. A voice comes over the intercom like ten minutes into the show and says "there have been severe thunderstorm warnings, please all of the people from the field move down"! My eyes are like, "O.O" and i said wait here bonnie, and ran: you could see AWSOME from the hallway below us, where all of the field people got to go! I ran back up and grabbed Bonnie, and we sprinted down to the hallway below us: we were so close, the closest we've EVER been! Eventually, though, some mean guy made us move back against the wall, but Caitleen and Emily found us and it was fun: we lived with it, we were still wicked close. We were jumping up and down and screaming and singing...it was so great. The adrenaline I get from those concerts just...surprises me sometimes. Although they had to stop the concert for about ten minutes because of the storm, they started up again and everyone wasjust enough more pumped. It was so great. Even after the Backstreet Boys supposedly concluded the concert, it was like this fan instinct: everyone knew it wasn't over. We knew we could get them to come back out if we tried really, really hard: its called fan-mindism, and I just made it up right now. Sometimes Backstreet Boys fans all think as one: like when they know just the right place to sing during a song, and the right time to be silent. The right time to "aww", the right time to laugh: and most of all, the right time to SCREAM like you're being MURDERED!!! So they apparantly "concluded" the concert, and we screamed....and screamed....and screamed....even after people were walking past us the entire auditorium (or the people that wern't leaving) just continued to scream and scream and my ears were ringing, and after about a minute of solid screaming I'm wondering if maybe they ARN'T coming out again when suddenly there's this explosion and THERE THEY ARE. we all knew. they wouldn't leave us like that! It was nice, as well: AJ seems to really love Boston, specially because of his past with it. Our city has a special place in his heart, he said, and we believed him because we know that's not the type of thing you can say to every city. a little smidget from a convo I was having after the concert: mileAlways888: how many excuses do you get to jump up and down, push and shove, and scream like you're being murdered?! SmileAlways888: as MUCH as you want? SmileAlways888: XD SmileAlways888: usually only 1. SmileAlways888: or 2, if you count the actual experience of being murdered SmileAlways888: but even then SmileAlways888: you dont get to scream as much as you want SmileAlways888: cause SmileAlways888: you die SmileAlways888: eventually SmileAlways888: do i have a point! SmileAlways888: yes! Ray: amen Thank you, thank you very much! The Armet twins are adorable: they had so many pictures from the concert, and they were all so great. I got to see them when I went to get my schedule, they were close! I don't have anything against them for being close, though: they love Bsb about as much as I do, if not more! They deserved it. All for now, until something else happens. See ya! _________________________________________ 8/18/05 Mood: Still a bit down. Music: Little Moments Like That - Brad Paisley A YR Mod Eurpn Hist Acc 1 3 4 5 6 7 Oleksy K B S1 Curr Evvents Acc 1 2 4 5 6 7 Regan M B S2 Phys Ed 11/12 4 7 Murphy D C YR Adv Alebra Std 1 2 3 5 6 7 Durham L D YR Sci of Beh Acc 1 2 3 4 6 7 Mcgrath R E YR English IV Acc 1 2 3 4 5 7 Robbins L F YR Res Support 2 1 3 Casey J F S1 Phys Ed 11/12 2 6 Infanger K G S2 Comm Service 1 2 3 4 5 6 Andreoni D Not in a good mood. ;_; ____________________________ 8/10/05 Mood: Kinda a little bit...down Music: Listen To Your Heart - DHT Definitely today is a depressed day. woke up early (10:40) with nothing to do, as usual...had a terrible dream. Basically, I got back together with Scott...and even though I've been avoiding his calls/avoiding him altogether...in my dream, I was so happy, and it felt like a huge weight had been taken off my shoulders. I know that in real life, I'd be stifled, and I wouldn't be as happy, but...in this dream, I was so happy, and I woke up almost in tears because that happiness was just shattered by real life. It couldn't have worked out. I felt stifled. I felt pressured. I felt... Alot of things. But right now, all I feel is depressed. Especially since...shouldn't I talk to my friends about this? Shouldn't I HAVE friends? What is wrong with me? I've got no idea. I think I'm a great friend: sure, I may be kind of boring sometimes, after all, I am kind of shy, but...why doesn't anyone else see that? All they do is promise to call me, and then never do. Some friends. But maybe there's a reason. Something I'm not seeing? What a depressing day. All alone in my house with nothing to do...I'd go driving, but...there's no where to go. Even alone, I have no friends: even I don't like me. Dammit. __________________________________________ 7/29/05 Mood: Bored Music: Bad Luck - No Style http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y274/BrandyMuffin/Other/LSmembers7.jpg ......frickin sweet. ____________________________ 6/13/05 Mood: Giddy Music: Darren Hayes - I Miss You http://money.cnn.com/2005/05/16/technology/personaltech/e3_sony/index.htm?cnn=yes When Ash Fas saw me looking at this with drool (metaphoric) running down my chin, I simply stated, "You know those magazines people look at with the really hott guys in them? This is like that for video game geeks." She seemed to understand. Cause she's awsome like that. Who needs a boyfriend when you can have THAT?! ______________________ 5/31/05 Mood: Tired Music: Jitterbug Name: Brandy Marie Zinck Your first name Brandy has given you tenacity of purpose and has made you extremely independent. Whatever you undertake, you approach from your own point of view, and others either have to conform to your ideas or go their own way and leave you to work things out for yourself. You are so narrowly focused in your pursuits that you frequently overlook the little personal considerations and attentions that create a bond of understanding and sense of companionship. Thus it is difficult for you to merge your efforts harmoniously with others. In the home, you can inadvertently be offhand and abrupt when you would really like to show your affection. In circumstances that require a little finesse, you find that you are inclined to be too direct and straight to the point and suffer frustration in your personal relationships as a result. Tension could affect the eyes, ears, teeth, or sinuses. Frequent head colds or severe headaches are potential problems. Your middle name of Marie has given you energy, drive, and ambition, but also an almost excessively strong-willed and independent nature. While you are creative, inventive, and ingenious in practical matters, and always ready to initiate and promote new undertakings, you often experience difficulty in bringing your undertakings to a successful conclusion because of your own changing interests or changing circumstances. You become intensely involved with everything you plan to do, but the stress arising from frustrating obstacles or misunderstandings with others could prompt you to be intolerant and sarcastic in your expression, with breakdowns in congenial relations with family and friends a possible end result. Any emotional outbursts or moods would register as tension in your solar plexus, resulting in nervous indigestion and related problems. Tension could also centre in the head affecting the eyes, ears, sinuses, or teeth. True relaxation and peace of mind are elusive under this name. ________________________________________ 5/27/05 Mood: Lonely Music: No Style - Bad Luck Hmm...past few weeks have been interesting. I realized that I hold absolutely no romantic feelings for Patrick, the boy that ended up asking me to Prom. I actually sort of hold a DISLIKE for him, but that's too much of a long story to even explain. Kind of lonely, lately, and doubting the human race and their shallowness and immaturity. Some people just suck. End of story. I think I was just destined never to have any friends. If so, then at least I won't have to deal with bitches who PMS 24/7, for all four weeks of all twelve months. God, sometimes I really hate my life. ____________________________ 5/25/05 Mood: Alright Music: No Way Out - Phil Collins Everywhere I turn, I hurt someone But there's nothing I can say to change the things I've done Of all the things I hid from you I cannot hide the shame And I pray someone, something will come to take away the pain There's no way out of this dark place No hope, no future I know I can't be free But I can't see another way I can't face another day Tell me where, did I go wrong Everyone I loved, they're all gone I'd do everything differently but I can't turn back the time There's no shelter from the storm inside of me There's no way out of this dark place No hope, no future I know I can't be free But I can't see another way I can't face another day I can't believe the words I hear It's like an answer to a prayer When I look around I see This place, this time, this friend of mine I know its hard but you found somehow To look into your heart and to forgive me now You've given me the strength to see just where my journey ends You've given me the strength to carry on I see the path from this dark place I see my future Your forgiveness has set me free On and I can see another way I can face another day! I see the path, I can see the path I see the future I see the path from this dark place I see the future ____________________________ 5/6/05 Mood: Down Music: My Happy Ending - Avril Lavigne Sooo, how have I been? OKay. My health is fine. What I don't understand is why my mother forbids me to join a gym. Um...hippy much? Yah, YOU may believe that everyone should be happy with the way they are, but YOU'RE not fat in a society that worships skinny. How am I ever going to find a guy who finds me appealing if I don't even find MYSELF appealing? Somehow, though, I don't think going to a gym is going to fix that, either. It's so many things, all crammed together that form my insecurity: my paranoia of embaressment, which overflows so badly that it interrupts my everyday activities. How many times have I told myself, "dont do that, you'll just embaress yourself" even if I may have wanted to, or needed to? Things that ordinarily would be fun for people for me tears me up inside when my panicking mind refuses to allow me to participate. One HUGE example being...prom. How much torture has it been seeing the hundreds of girls drooling shamelessly over their computers in study halls at the GORGEOUS dresses on websites? How have my insides wrenched at the vision of some of the gorgeous hairstyles and jewelry that will undoubtedly make the wearer look and feel like royalty? How excited have I felt when I heard people talking about how fun prom will be, and prom this and prom that, only to have my subconsious shove it in my face once again the unmistakeable reality that I will not be attending or enjoying such fun? In answer: alot, badly, and extremely. There are so many reasons why, too...not just the fact that the Seniors, whom we are sharing the Prom with, enfuriate me with their ignorance. Theres so many more reasons...the money, and how I don't have it and neither do my parents. Then there is a more crucial. Who in their right mind goes to the prom without a date? I find it hypocritical of the few individuals who coaxed me to go that, despite their somewhat kind intentions, they neglected to realize that they do not share my problem, and therefore cannot understand the possible embaressment of the situation. Embaressment is what I've been avoiding all my life. By not participating in SO many things I've wanted to, just because of that paranoia. This will once again be one of those times. I wouldn't even know who to ask. But no one understands that...at least not the people who want me to go. They all have boyfriends...and had no trouble finding a date. They don't even have to TRY imagining how embaressing and uncomfortable it would be going to prom without a date. Then there is the entire fact that the hotel where the prom is, unless everyone had forgotten, is far away. People forget so easily when they're happy, I know, but...I thought maybe, since people were saying, "Brandy, you SH0ULD go to Prom" that maybe it was a "Brandy, you SHOULD go to Prom, you should come in our limo and not be left out". So once again, I'm left to be the odd one out...again. Even being used to it, the thought is still...not very nice. Sometimes its nice to feel wanted, like you belong: but I guess that's not supposed to ever happen for me. Maybe its just because of Prom, or because of the stress of the SATs, college, ACTs, grades, my lack of boyfriend, my lack of WANT for a boyfriend, that just makes me sit down and cry sometimes. Maybe not all the way cry, but that feeling you get before you cry, but nothing will come out. Those tears are falling so hard on the inside, though: and no one can see them but you. ____________________________________ 4/25/05 Mood: Chipper Music: Library Well, I'm back from Virginia, hoo-rah. It was kind of fun, kind of not: however, in a way I wish that I could go back on my vacation and NOT go to Virginia, just because i feel like i haven't even had a vacation in the first place. So, this is a day by day of my trip to Virginia. Monday: After waking up late, and leaving at the precise time of 12:30 pm, we were on our way. A sub from Papa Ginos later, we were on the highway, with me as the faithful navigator, my mother as pilot, and Bonnie as the lazy passenger who slept alot. Despite the rumored 8 hours that we were supposed to drive, the entire trip ended up taking 12 hours in total, if you include our rest-stops and our fateful trip to Dennys, where we noticed that everybody in Virginia is black, paired with the fact that none of said black people had apparantly ever seen a set of twins before. Then, we checked into our sleazy motel, and went to sleep, where I had to share a bed with my mom. Yay. Tuesday: Woke up, and went to visit my Aunt Janet's house finally at the early (for us, who had been up late) time of 10:30. We went to "Oh Charlies" a place for lunch, and then I decided to go to the mall, where I blew 100 dollars on three shirts, a pair of pants, and a pair of shoes. Tehe. Once back to Janet's, I met the infamous Martina, who I had a fun time conversing with in half-assed spanish, while she seemed to have a fun time conversing with me in her fluent, Dominican Republic spanish. Corey (five year olf bilingual) forgot my name constantly, either calling me 'Bonnie' or asking me what my name was again? While Martine seemed overjoyed to have someone else to talk to besides his wife and kids, Jenny (cousin) smartass as usual, although nicer than usual (probably because we drove 12 hours) and the wittle baby was adorable, but cried whenever I held her. Damn. Wednesday: Planned a trip to Washington D.C., and left at 10:30 with Bonnie, Jenny, Martine, and myself. Took us about two hours to get there, but no big: Jenny's a funny driver, and her quote was, "oh, my lisence plate says Massachusetts, I can be a total jackass!" and started cutting people off left and right (she was driving my mother's minivan). While in Washington D.C. we went and saw the White House (from the gates, where we gawked at the flowers) the Washington Monument, and were thiiiis close to seeing Lincoln but we got to the steps and were like, "um...f that" cause we didn't wanna walk all the way up. So then we went to the Holocaust Museum, which was extremely interesting until Bonnie's cell phone started blaring "Drowning" by BSB: extremely embaressing for her and extremely hilarious for me. I think it was extremely annoying for the rest of the people there, though. When we left, we felt fulfilled and cultured: I also felt pain due to the fact that I had worn my new flip flops and now had serious blisters. Ouch. Me and Bonnie then went to Applebees when we were back at Janet's, and had a great time with the southern waitress and her southern waiter friend. I want a southern accent. However, it was tonight where Bonnie and I were becoming aware of the large room of construction workers or something that had the room beside us (two rooms beside us, as a matter of fact). Bonnie and I were sitting on the beds, FULLY CLOTHED, MIND YOU, watching tv (how totally and revoltingly un sexy) and they kept walking past because we had our curtains open, when suddenly theres a knock at the door so i go to answer it and its one of them, and he's like, "excuse me, can you do me a favor?" I, of course, was a bit reluctant, but said "okay....." just, you know, planning on slamming the door in his face if he pulled anything funny. Then he blurts out with, "Could you please close your curtain? These guys have been away from home a long time, and they just keep wanting to walk past your window." I, in total shock, was like "um...okay" and closed the curtains, but then I was afraid to leave. When we finally did, and then came back, it seemed totally unfair because the door to the place where the construction workers were staying was WIDE open (their DOOR, not even just their curtains) With them standin around with no shirts and no shoes on. I'm like WTF! And then when me and Bonnie and my MOM get out of the car they start yellin stuff to us, and its like, "Dude...my MOMS right here!" So then I was afraid to go out and talk on my cell phone, but I called Ally and stood outside my door, where they proceeded to LISTEN to what I was saying while they constantly WALKED by, and yell stuff to me about it. Also called me "Hey, Massachusetts girl!" So I went inside and talked on the phone in the bathtub, like any sane person would do, then eventually went to bed. Thursday: Nothing really happened today, besides chillin and watching movies I had never seen before. Legally Blonde is coming close to my favorite of all of the ones I have watched: I really liked it. Then we chilled with Martina and Corey as best I could with Corey being extremely jealous of her (theyre not very nice to each other) and Martina being sort of cool for an eleven year old. It rained alot and Martina, myself, and Bonnie went to the grocery store and bought pepsi, when we went back to our room there were moer shady guys in place of the construction workers who left. Then after another movie we went home and slept. Friday: Well, woke up at 9:00 and went to Bush gardens. I was reminded why I absolutely love roller coasters. I went on every roller coaster they had, and even though it was cold and rainy, I had a great great great time. Virginians, however, are slightly unfriendly, and I found myself missing six flags, which I can't wait to go back to. We left there and went back to Janet's, where we rested for a bit and I watched, for the first "Bend it Like Beckham". I didn't like all the lesbian references, then we left for Massachusetts at 10:30 PM. Saturday: After a long, grueling, tired driev, we arrived back at Medway at 8:30 AM. I couldnt' sleep, so me, Bonnie, and Krystal went shopping and out to Burger King, then I drove over and hung out with Ally and Bruce, who decided I could drive around because Bruce had sprayed something in his eye. So I did, but I declined the invitation to go to the emergency room with them. Almost swerved off the road about six times in my tiredness, then proceeded to go home and, after 38 strait hours of being awake, changed into my lazy clothes, dropped onto my bed, and fell asleep for 18 strait hours without waking up ONCE. My mom was wondering if I was dead, but I proved to her that I wasnt ^^. So anyway, thats my vaca. Hope you loved hearing about it, because I sure loved telling about it. Hope to tell of more exciting details later, <3! ____________________________ 3/26/05 Mood: Bored Music: You're So Damn Hott - OkGo Prince charming, where are you? __________________ 3/25/05 Mood: Elated Music: Drowning - Backstreet Boys Yesterday was at the same time both the worst and best day that I've had since 2001. My day started out with me waking up to a rediculous amount of anow, and the chilling (literally) realization that I may not be able to go shopping and get an oufit for the concert that night. Then, another realization: after countless attempts to get Bonnie (who had borrowed my car multiple times over the weekend/week) to fill up my gas tank, the tank was now on empty in the snow, which was what I ws trying to avoid. I tried not to let it bug me, though, and I made her and I leave fifteen minutes earlier then we could have so that we could get gas, and we were pretty early for school, which was strange: we are usually pretty not-so-early. But it was snowing, so one of the main priorities of mine was to just GET inside, and GET into school so that I could get DISMISSED at 11:30 go shopping so that I won't look like wicked bad at Avalon. I tried to give blood with Cheryl after A period (study hall) but I couldnt because we had to make appointments, so I went and took a math quiz then another study hall where I filled out my SAT form (Finally :X) and have to mail it today, then I didn't even bother going to Chemistry becuase I had signed up to give blood at 11. Well how was I supposed to know that I was gunna have to wait 45 minutes just SITTING there, and then it would take like, freakin another half an hour to take the blood? By the time we left, it was 12:30, and I was just like "wtf". So then I get outside, and EVERYTHING GOT BETTER. The battery in my car was dead because I had left my lights on. OHMYFUCKINGOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I called my mom and she heroically came with jumper cables and jumped my car, but I was pretty pissed. So I was in a rush to get to Weathervane (where I decided I was going to run in grab and outfit and leave) and even though my MOM says that EVERYONE knows that the road that passes the Franklin Elks is a speed trap, i SO TOTALLY DIDNT!!!! So I was going 56 in a 40. And, very obviously, got pulled over. By Mr-Speed-Trap-Cop, who, thankfully, either thought I was cute or was feeling incredibly generous that day because when he came back from his car he said, "Well, Brandy, I could give you an 160 dollar ticket, but I'm gunna let you go with a written warning." Thank you, Mr-Speed-Trap-Cop. So I went to Weathervane and through a series of alternations was able to keep my car running while I ran in, got an outfit, Bonnie ran in, got a belt, while still managing to keep my car running (my mom told me to). Ran home, got ready in a semi-rush (but Bonnie and I are good at that) grabbed everything and were out the door. We were driven by Bob to the Riverside T station, where we just made it and proceeded to look dumb cause I didn't know how much it was to get on. But we DID know where to get off. (^_^)b For that, I am proud. Stopped at the McDonalds where we assumed the people would speak English (why? I dunno) only to find that they didn't, so then we went into the Dunkin Donuts where we had assumed the people wouldn't speak English and they directed us toward Avalon (well, we asked for Landsdown St, but they only knew Avalon. Two guys...only knowing Avalon...a gay club? Suuuure...) And were on our way. There was already a pretty decent line waiting to get in, while Bonnie and I looked for the person from 92.3 to give us our tickets, but we couldn't find them so we just stood in line. That was how it was for about an hour and a half, just standing in line, when something exciting happened. You know how when you're standing outside a concert, and every car you see that passes by with tinted windows or limo is assumed to be the artist? Well that happened. But you know what? It actually WAS them! They drove their van into Avalon through the parted crowd, got out, WAVED, and went into Avalon. I only saw A.J. because, me being short, I had to shove my way through the crowd in time to see A.J. standing outside a bit longer then everyone else smoking a cigarette. He was less then a VAN away from me. A.J.!!! But my camera was with Bonnie, who had gotten separated, and I couldn't take any pictures. I did, however, get to be about 3 times closer to the front of the line because of everyone moving to see the Backstreet Boys get out of their Van. Found Bonnie again, but it was hard to talk to her because everyone was SQUISHED on the sidewalk (the little sidewalk, meant for making two people across) was PACKED...I felt like the jelly in the jelly donut (which I told the people who were the donut around me). This may have been because, when we were closer to the back of the line there had been a group of girls who had been standing behind us and, due to their bad luck they had not been able to get back into line. There was a rude man who was yelling at everyone to get off of the dirt and onto the sidewalk, so when they saw us they ran up and said "Hey! You know we were in line, this guy won't believe us!" so I was like, "yes, you were behind me, common." And let them in behind me (VERY tight moving space). Stayed like that for two more hours, when it was FINALLY 6:30, they ddin't open the doors until 6:45, when we were so happy to become non-sardines: we couldn't feel our feet anymore, and it was now dark, meaning that windchill was maybe 31 degrees. Talk about cold. So when we finally got to where we enter, me and Bonnie walk up to the woman with the clipboard (we were directed to her when we asked another guard) and told her our names, etc.: she crossed our names off a list and said "here are your tickets". Then, I watched as a girl and a boy moved FROM THEIR CAR which was parked on the side of the road over to the woman, told her their names, and were immediately let in with their tickets. Bonnie and I were like, "O.O WE'VE BEEN WAITING IN LINE THREE HOURS AND WE DIDNT HAVE TO?!" and the woman was like, "yes, i'm sorry." That was a pisser. What can I say, I've never been V.I.P. before ^^;. Anyway, when we got in there, I paid $6.00 for Bonnie and my jackets to be stored in the jacket-place: didn't buy anything yet, was gunna wait until after so I didnt have to hold it. Went in: OMG WHO KNEW PEOPLE WERE SO TALL! I couldnt see a thing, because, surprisingly, it was like a mosh-pit. Oh give me a freakin break, are you serious?! So as hard as Bonnie and I tried, we couldn't get to the FRONT of the moshpit, and we also couldn't see anything in the middle where we were (yes, the middle of the moshpit, two 4'11 girls: it was devestation in the form of us) so we went back to the back. Bonnie was really upset that she couldn't see, and even though I was upset too I was just like, "look on the brightside, we're here, and we didn't pay for these tickets, right?" But she wasn't consoled. Then, a moment of truth came JUST as Backstreet Boys came on the stage: a small spot on the stairs opened up, and I urged Bonnie to get on the stair so that she could see. She wouldn't do it! "No, I don't want to: NO!" Finally, I had to physically shove her up onto the stair, and she wasn't pleased. Until she realized that this was the ONLY way she would be able to see. While standing on the stair, she was the equivilant of everyone else's height: meaning she could just BARELY see while standing on a STAIR. Like a footstool, almost, so, with a footstool, Bonnie was AS TALL as everyone else. It was definitely something that she needed, and she thanked me for shoving her up on the stair a little later, after realizing that she otherwise would have had a miserable time. Miraculously, a space BEHIND her somehow opened up on the stairs, so I jumped up on there with absolutely no regret (hopefully it was no one's spot) so I had a great time too, because I could actually SEE. Took lots of pictures!!! I got a wave of heat exhaustion about halfway through the concert though (Backstreet Boys just makes you wanna scream a LOT and jump ALOT and wave your hands in the air and be active) and since I had given blood that day (and the nurse had advised me against doing all of the above) I figured I should sit down, and then FORCED my way to get some water (a bottle for me and a bottle for bonnie was 8 frickin dollars. >.<) And then went back where Bonnie was saving my spot. After the water I felt a little better, but I couldn't scream for a few songs because I didn't have the energy for it. Man, did I scream after that though. Lost my voice, and still kept going. Bonnie said I sounded like a retard when I sang along with their songs (she said I sounded liek a chipmunk because I had no voice) but I didn't care: I sang along anyway. We were SO close, it was amazing, and because of our advantage spot on the stairs, it had to be one of the BEST Backstreet Boys concerts I've ever been to. And I've been to many. It was like...Backstreet Boys greatest hits tour, PLUS some new songs. I bought a tshirt afterward, and it was just a really, really great concert. :D :D. Made up for my bad day. Another thing about this tour that was so cool was that it was very obvious that they were paying attention to the fans ALOT more then they have any other concert. They grabbed hands (although I was too far back for that) smiled and waved at specific people, and once I even saw Nick whisper something to Howie about someone in the audiance. They, you know, were just not as planned as usual: no wardrobe changes (except when they took off/put on their jackets and hats) and I think we pretty much reminded them why Boston is one of their favorite places to be. Sure, they did their usual "let's make fun of the Boston accent" but it was cute. You could tell that they were really happy that everyone was singing along to their songs: seriously, when the people sang along (every song, practically, that they werne't screaming) you could hear the unison of voices, and it was kinda creepy in a way. Like on "drowning", you could hear every girl trying to sing her best to that song, and it was like almost a harmony of girl's voices. Nick held up his microphone to the audiance at his solo and said, "hey, I don't even have to sing!". He did, though. They ended with "incomplete". Everyone sang along, including me, chipmunk-voice-girl: girl harmony all over again, and an excellant finale. Taking the T back home was easy, and I went to bed as soon as I got home, with achy feet, a sore throat, a headache, and hungry. But it was so worth it. My bad day was so worth it. THANK YOU, BACKSTREET BOYS, FOR BEING SO FRICKIN AWSOME!! _______________________ 3/17/05 Mood: Fluttery stomach Music: Library noise: me typing Well I'm in the library at school and chillin: have no clue what to do for the sociology project. It got really warm today: so warm that I changed into my red sox shirt so that I could take off my sweatshirt (because I don't like wearing a hoody without wearing tight shirts underneath, but I don't like wearing tight shirts without a hoody) so I changed into my nice red sox tshirt. It's alot more comfortable now, although I look like a red sox freak with my red sox hat and my red sox shirt walkin around like, "wadda YOU lookin at?" Lol okay, so not really. Went into guidance to tell Mrs.P that I wanted to go to P-town: she said she would only allow me to go if I went to meetings. Damn that bitch for knowing that I was using her. Looked around for Ally, but I couldn't find her: Bonnie said that she had been in guidance all day, but I know that she also might have left because of some people who went into Mrs.P's office sometime before I had arrived. I dont know if she went home, but I'd like to find out. Going to see "The Sound Of Music" tonight: I hope that its good, especially for the price that they were demanding for tickets (eleven dollars per ticket, for a school musical which obviously contains none of the older, better stars that were involved in the previuos amazing musicals) and the ferocity that people were scrambling for them. Oh well: if it's not good, there's also Phantom of the Opera to listen to when I get home, to clean out my mind. Gotta study for History now: test in two periods. Later! _________________________________ 3/12/05 Mood: Cabin fever Music: Rhythm of My Heart - Rod Stewart Not too much to say, but I decided I should update anyhow. May I ask one favor, though? If you're reading this, I want you to send me an IM that says, "Brandy, I read your journal." Just so I know. It would open my eyes a bit, because I'm convinced that I'm the only person that reads this silly thing ^_~. Anyway, Max's party was alright: it was obvious they had tried really hard on it, and wanted it to go good, so I was impressed. Although there was alot of split groups (hockey team stayed with hockey team, Fab Five and friends stayed with Fab Five and friends unless otherwise persuaded. I talked to Erin for the first time in MONTHS, though, so it was really nice: I plan on talking to her alot more, from now on: I thought she was ignoring me on purpose, but apparantly she just hangs out with Matt all the time, and is...kind of like me in a way. Sort of the, "people talk to me in school but not outside of school" thing. Weird. She got in a fight with Lia though, so I felt bad. It kind of surprised me how happy everyone was to see that I had shown up: it wasn't everyone looking at me strange because I hadn't attended the last three parties, it was simply a "Brandy! I'm so glad that you came!" accompanied with a hug, and when Jess saw me, she positively squealed and went "YOU CAME!!!" I felt loved <3 It snowed all day today though, which was no fun: had to drive to work and do the birthday party, then made my dad come and drive me home (my mom went home and picked him up so he could drive my car home). I wuv my dadee. For the most part, I think its stopped snowing, though, at about my ankles. Hoo-rah. All for now. ^^ laterrr. ____________________________ 3/5/05 Mood: Giddy Music: Popular - Darren Hayes This weekend has been strange, as well as almost unbelievably rewarding. What happened, you ask? Well, a few things, why not make a small timeline? This entire week I've been convinced that everyone either hated my company or just thought that my presence was a bother and didn't want to deal with it. No one seemed to want or need me around, and that made me depressed, self pitying, and bored with my pointless existance. But then on Friday, it was almost like the most unexpected turnaround. Instead of sitting outside of guidance by my lonesome during lunch, I had not one companion, but two: starting with Cheryl and ending with Cheryl and Ryan Lomberto (although I'm fairly sure he wasn't sticking around for my company, it was still company, and someone talking, nonetheless)which in itself was spiritually uplifting, then I got my progress report: a 79 in math, an 80 in chemistry, 84 in english, and a 91 in history. Sociology (68) we're going to exclude. If that's not something to make a day, even week, a little bit brighter, I'm not sure what is. Then, as I was walking from Mrs Ryan's room roughly 2:45 or so, I had actual human contact with Brendan, Amanda, and two other people that I can't remember. The conversation wasn't long, or overly thoughtful, but I suppose when you're as starved for companionship as I am, saying a joke and having a person (2 or 3 people, in this case) laugh at it is like finding a one hundred dollar bill and being able to keep it. More miraculous is, when I got home on the high spirits of mine, Bonnie had to go to work with the promise of the movies later (went and saw The Pacifier, it was adorable)so I'm chillin when I get a phone call from Scilla - of all people - calls and says "hey, we just passed your house, you want to come out to Ma Glockners with us?" I think I had a minor heart attack. Is it good when your eyes pop out of your head in total and utter shock, and your heart feels like it's going to explode because its suddenly filled with the uncontrollable hope that perhaps i'm NOT as much of a loser as I've been led to believe? So I went to that resteraunt that I've never been to with Scilla, Kenny, and their friend Jeff, and actually had fun, socialized and for the most part just...actually acted like normal teenagers going out to dinner. Normal. teenager. It took me acting like one to realize how much I missed actually being one. They made me feel normal, like I belonged and that I wasn't just some shy girl: they said my NAME and it sounded like they WANTED me there. I went home feeling like if I died right then, I'd actually die somewhat happy. I remember thinking that when I went to sleep. Then I woke up, and waited for Bonnie to wake up so that I could go get my keyboard for FFXI, since mom broke my other one. As I bought it, though, and brought it home, I couldn't help any excitement that I had been building up for that keyboard ebbing away as I wondered why I bought it in the first place. Part of me wanted it, the other part didn't...the majority that was still deliriously happy about Friday didn't want it, while still a small part of me did, because it's familiarity. After all, who can shed the life they've known for an entire 12 months in a single weekend? When we got home, I was forced to go to work, which I did. It was fine, not too eventful except for the fact that Joe Santos was extremely nice to me for some reason. Went and bought my dad's birthday present and got money out for Bruce's (reminding myself that Bruce, Ally, and I need to hang out more often: I'd almost forgotten about them and they about me, guessing from my lack of phone calls) and were walking out of CVS when we heard this almost inaudible WAILING coming from across the parking lot. Wondering what it was, we look across to where the noise is coming from and see three figures staring at us from two differant cars, and a waving shadow (in the darkness). The wailing continued, and we realized they were screaming "HEEEYY! HEYY BONNIE AND BRAAAANDYY!" The voice belonged to Tracey, who just got her lisence with Max in the car, and Krystal in her own respective car because her stepdad is the big shot police guy in Medway. It felt really nice, because they greeted us like they actually were happy to see us, and talked to us like they wanted us around...to me it felt like a strange feeling, almost like melting when we left them. I doubt that something was actually melting inside of me, but somehow, it felt like it. Maybe I'm just realizing how much better things are, and how much I've been missing. The meeting with Krystal, Tracey, and Max is like the cherry on top of the ice cream sundae that was my weekend up to now. I feel like a personal who's seen nothing but poverty, but somehow has found themself content with their small, povertic life: then they're grabbed and forced to spend a new days in the lap of luxery, before being shoved back into their poor situation once again. In that situation, there are two things that the person could do: they could either a.)live on with their povertic life not as happy, because they've now seen what they're missing and are never as content as they once THOUGHT they were, or b.)try to get a taste of that luxery once again. I wonder which one will be me? ______________________________ 2/11/05 Mood: Uncertain Music: Creepin' Up On You - Darren Hayes I wish people would just shut their fat fucking mouths. If you don't know someone, don't talk about them. If you don't know all the facts or even about the situation at all you either ask the person or shut your mouth and don't go talkin to people about stuff you don't know. Making fun of someone or torturing them in school to make yourself feel better is a cowardly, asshole thing to do. So leave my friend ALONE. Leave her alone. She didn't do anything to you, dammit, she's the nicest girl you'll ever meet and the most loyal friend: get to know the person before you flap your gums, you stupid shallow bitches. Or, at least if you're going to talk shit about people, don't spread rumors like a scared little wuss: say it to her FACE! _______________________________ 1/30/05 Mood: Okay, kinda crestfallen Music: Man In The Mirror - Michael Jackson Ummm..weekend was a dissapointment, what else can I say? Although I did buy a new toothbrush, and some new shoes. That's how I spent my saturday...Oh yah, and coming to the dissapointing conclusion that the Natick Mall sucks. No more Suncoast...no more Sam Goody? F that...why even go anymore, that's where all of my money went. Anyhow, then today I worked 11-8 and it wasn't very fun, but I tried my very best to have fun. Sometimes I just want to cry when I think about how dissapointing life can be to people. For example. In English class Mrs.Ryan religeously proceeds to ruin my day by making us fill out college resemes. Now, I wouldn't have a problem with that, if she didn't sit up there and blatantly brag about how much stuff she's done, and then allow other kids to raise their hands and brag pointlessly to the class as well. It's not like anyone cares, you're just trying to make yourselves feel better and in the process making everyone else feel like shit. People like me. Looking at my reseme, I immediately noticed that it was practically blank sans for my name and a few clubs I had been in. That made me feel really bad, you know? It's like I felt this sinking in my stomach, like, 'wow...I'm NEVER, EVER going to get into college, and I'm NEVER, EVER going to succeed in life..'. I love my parents, but I don't want to turn out like them: both not attending college, each having two jobs and still barely getting enough money rolling in to keep things going. I don't WANT that...but am I destined for it? I raised my hand and asked Mrs.Ryan if work counted as an activity. She snootily told me no, it counts as experience. Well...what if you work every day after school? I pointed out to her coldly that some of us work all the time, and don't have alot of activities. She angered me further by saying then at least you can have good grades. After seeing my fuckin report card, I doubt it. Some of us don't have great enough families to freakin sit around and study and do homework, get high and drink all the time. Some of us have to work every day, and don't have time to join stupid, pointless acitivite that don't mean anything except to look good on a college application. I don't think I should have to join dumb activities, be an overachiever and rich to get into college. I think my motivation, my desire to succeed and my full ableness should be enough. But its not. It's never enough. ________________________________ 1/26/05 Mood: Giddy Music: Ashita Moshi Kimi Ga Kowaretemo I remember when I went to sleep last night a small part of me was begging for another snow day: but I knew it probably wouldn't happen. The next day, I wake up at exactly 6:55: five minutes before I usually get up, and five minutes after my mom usually comes to wake me up. So I'm waiting, don't want to go back to sleep because I'm sure she'll be coming in any second, when my cell phone rings. Obviously I pick it up and I'm like, "hello? o.O?" It's Ally on the other line, and she knocks some sense into my dumb skull by saying, "Brandy? I just called to let you know we don't have school today. It's snowing!" Why hadn't it occured to me to look out the window? Why didn't it ever phase me that perhaps the reason why my mom hadn't woke me up was because we had no school? That, my friends, doesn't matter, because Ally is my new hero. She gave me three extra hours of sleep. :) _____________________________________ 1/22/05 Mood: Ya know...that "just woke up" feeling...along with hungry. Music: Shining Collection - Nittle Grasper So I was cruisin' through my buddy list doing the usual "stalker" thing by looking at everyones away message because I was bored, and suddenly I see one profile with a bunch of symbols. So, obviously me being the curious person that I am copied and pasted the symbols and wanted to know what they said....and what they said surprised me. "well, its finally happened. my adoration for video games has joined forces with my distaste for real life, and have overwhelmed my sense of normality. social lines have been disconnected, and all i want to do is play, play, play. it just seems better, to live in a place where the mistakes you've made can be solved with a push of the off button, and the next time you turn it on, all those problems are forgotten by all. so, there i've made my domain, there my true self lies imprisoned, unable to make it out of the glass screen. it seems reality and fiction have traded places..." I couldn't agree more, sir: I couldn't agree more. Strange how this person who I've only talked to less then 5 times could have thoughts that almost mirror my own. Well...heres to you. In other news, I...feel myself breaking down to the point of an almost mental breakdown. I don't fuckin' care if I'm whining, I don't care if you all think I'm just a stupid complainer: but you would be too if you were a worthless, pathetic freak like me. It's almost amazing that there are times when I almost like myself...but those times are plummeted and instantly taken over by the familiar and overpowering feeling of self-hatred. Alot of times I just want to cry, but then again, I've never been one to just cry over nothing: why would I start now, crying about something that's been happening my entire life? No, that would be dumb. Not like I'm not. Isn't it sort of stereotypical that if you're not popular, you should maintain decent if not awsome grades? Where the fuck did I go wrong? How is it that I've got no friends (mind you also no enemies) while meanwhile barely scraping Cs in my classes? I mean, what the fuck?...something inside me thinks that I shouldn't be complaining, after all, I mean, I could be some person with no arms and no legs whos blind mute and deaf, but goddamit its like those people who have everything have EVERYTHING, the money gets the looks and the friends and the life, the no-money gets the ignored depressive disorder filled with self-pity and consuming hatred for oneself. I wish I could start over. Maybe if I started over, and grew up to be a different person, I'd be popular or, smart, or something...SOMETHING that I can be GOOD at, I need something!!! Why can't I fall back on that one talent that I have that makes me special? I've never had anything that I was better at then anyone else, or even close to competing because I can't do anything! No one ever pressured me to go into DANCE or ART LESSONS or learn a foreign language or study or ANYTHING so now I've got NOTHING. I'm just a no one with NOTHING and there's nothing I can do about it, because its too fucking late. I hate that no one gives me two glances..I hate that no one thinks of me unless I'm there. I hate that I have so much love to give, and no one to give it to. I hate money, and material attractiveness... Goddammit, I fuckin hate myself. I wish I was pretty, I wish I had confidence, I wish I had money, I wish people thought of me...I wish I had friends... I wish I was someone better. ___________________________ 1/20/05 Mood: Giddy Music: Cotton Eye Joe - Rednex "If it had't been for Cotton Eye Joe I'd been married long time ago Where did you come from where did you go Where did you come from Cotton Eye Joe" Who else had no freakin clue that that song actually had LYRICS?! ____________________________ 1/15/05 Mood: Not quite sure. Music: Toy Soldiers - Eminem How's it goin, journal?! Havn't written for awhile, but that's probably becauseI didn't have much to say. Not that I do now, either, I just felt bad for not updating. So anyway, past week's been a little boring, but still in a strange way fun. I didn't really do much, and on I think it was Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday I ached alllll over for some strange reason. Like I said to Skip: "It's like all my muscles got in a fight and pulled each other, then a bunch of them got all tangled up in a giant knot in my back". I should have recieved a gold medal for walking up the three flights of stairs at school. But no such luck. Work's been cutting my hours severely: I went from having 26-31 hours a week SHOOTING down to 11.5 hours a week, if that. They havn't even needed my help enough to call me in, and frankly I'm terrified. After all, I've got bills to pay, too! Well...BILL. And that 150 dollar a month BILL won't pay itself with 55 dollars a week, now will it? For example: Monday 4:30-8:30, Tuesday 5-8, Saturday 4:30-9:30. Aww crap...that's not even 11.5 hours. Maybe 11.5 was what I had LAST week. So my weekdays are at a loss of what to do: usually it's come home at 3, chill, go to work until 8, come home, eat, play FFXI, bed. My schedule is so screwed up now! >< Now I come home really unsure of what I'm doing, then end up playing FFXI for like, eight hours strait to make up for my lack of work. Yah okay, THAT'S healthy. But, the good news is I've gained five levels in this past WEEK as compared to the past four months of being at level fourty. However...sometimes I just stare at the screen and come out of the trance I'm in for a second and wonder: wtf am I DOING?! Couldn't I be doing something else with my time?! But then it hits me: no, I could not. There's nothing else TO do. And that, journal, is my sad, pathetic conclusion. Over and out. _______________________________ 1/5/05 Mood: Tired a little bored Music: Somewhere, Someday - Nsync I stole this from Bonnie's journal so more people could see it: enjoy. A Christmas Story -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The embers glowed softly, and in their dim light, I gazed round the room and I cherished the sight. My wife was asleep, her head on my chest, my daughter beside me, angelic in rest. Outside the snow fell, a blanket of white, Transforming the yard to a winter delight. The sparkling lights in the tree, I believe, Completed the magic that was Christmas Eve. My eyelids were heavy, my breathing was deep, Secure and surrounded by love I would sleep in perfect contentment, or so it would seem. So I slumbered, perhaps I started to dream. The sound wasn't loud, and it wasn't too near, But I opened my eye when it tickled my ear. Perhaps just a cough, I didn't quite know, Then the sure sound of footsteps outside in the snow. My soul gave a tremble, I struggled to hear, and I crept to the door just to see who was near. Standing out in the cold and the dark of the night, A lone figure stood, his face weary and tight. A soldier, I puzzled, some twenty years old, perhaps a Marine, huddled here in the cold. Alone in the dark, he looked up and smiled, standing watch over me, and my wife and my child. "What are you doing?" I asked without fear "Come in this moment, it's freezing out here! Put down your pack, brush the snow from your sleeve, You should be at home on a cold Christmas Eve!" For barely a moment I saw his eyes shift, away from the cold and the snow blown in drifts, to the window that danced with a warm fire's light. Then he sighed and he said "Its really all right, I'm out here by choice. I'm here every night" "Its my duty to stand at the front of the line, that separates you from the darkest of times. No one had to ask or beg or implore me, I'm proud to stand here like my fathers before me. My Gramps died at 'Pearl on a day in December," then he sighed, "That's a Christmas 'Gram always remembers." My dad stood his watch in the jungles of 'Nam, and now it is my turn and so, here I am. I've not seen my own son in more than a while, but my wife sends me pictures, he's sure got her smile." Then he bent and he carefully pulled from his bag, The red white and blue... an American flag. "I can live through the cold and the being alone, Away from my family, my house and my home, I can stand at my post through the rain and the sleet, I can sleep in a foxhole with little to eat, I can carry the weight of killing another or lay down my life with my sisters and brothers who stand at the front against any and all, To insure for all time that this flag will not fall." "So go back inside," he said, "harbor no fright Your family is waiting and I'll be all right." "But isn't there something I can do, at the least, give you money?" I asked, "Or prepare you a feast? It seems all too little for all that you've done, for being away from your wife and your son." Then his eye welled a tear that held no regret, "Just tell us you love us, and never forget to fight for our rights back at home while we're gone. To stand your own watch, no matter how long. For when we come home, either standing or dead, to know you remember we fought and we bled is payment enough, and with that we will trust. That we mattered to you as you mattered to us." ~author unknown~ __________________________________ 1/03/05 Mood: Hungry Music: Nothing because I am in the library shh! Well, my vacation came and went way too quick for me to even enjoy it, which is pretty dissapointing, on my part. Most of the time I worked, whether it be 11-7 (Tuesday), or 11-9 (Friday) or 4-10 (Monday, Wednesday, Sunday), I found myself enjoying my two days off (however one of which I requested off due to a family gathering: Thursday they just gave me off: how nice of them). On my days off, I didn't really even do anything: all I did was chill, and one day I went to go see Fat Albert with Bonnie, Ally, and Krystal (talk about nerve-wracking when you gotta drive up to Punky's house - when you're not sposed to be drivin people - to pick Krystal up. I was sweatin' bullets) but then Saturday I just stayed home. Actually, I went out to buy a C.D., but there was no places open after 5:00 because it was New Years Day. Assholes. So Sunday I went and bought Ok Go and a new Affirmation cd (because the other one was way too scratched to even listen to anymore). I have to say, I am very pleased with the results of my new Savage Garden cd, but disspointed because it seems that the Ok Go cd only has two, maybe three good songs on it, tops. I also wanted to buy Soul Decision, but none of the places that I went to had it. Ray called me on Christmas day, and it just totally made that day even better, so I was wicked happy. I don't think I mentioned what I got for Christmas, actually: I got a new computer (80 gb, woohoo!) and two games, World of Warcraft and Sims 2. I installed both of them, and Sims 2 is okay, but I definitely didn't like World of Warcraft, and cancelled my subscription and uninstalled the game the day after I got it. I don't know why, I just didn't like it. Not really much else to say: I don't want to be in school, I'd rather be back enjoying my vacation that ended too soon, but I'm here now: and I can't help feeling as though I'm forgetting something. Hmm. _______________________________ 1/01/05 Mood: Kinda tired Music: Soul Decision - Gravity You're unavoidable Simply irresistible And certainly, you're kissable But next to you, I'm way too shy And I lose my backbone Leave my feelings unknown Play should've, could've on my own Then I'm left to wonder why This is all so hard Letting down my guard All the same, it's you I blame But maybe that's not right So I'll blame gravity For always holding out on me When I just want to run away It trips me and I fall for you Makes perfect sense to me Lose responsibility Then everytime I fail to see How easy this could be I can put the blame on gravity You're undeniable Truly unbelievable And certainly achievable If only I could speak my mind But I deliberate Simple things, I complicate Then I think it best to wait It happens to me all the time This is all so hard Letting down my guard All the same, it's you I blame But maybe that's not right So I'll blame gravity For always holding out on me When I just want to run away It trips me and I fall for you Makes perfect sense to me Lose responsibility Then every time I fail to see How easy this could be I can put the blame on gravity There is something I must confess I was happy with loneliness, oh yeah Weightless is so easy to be Now I'm up in a different spin Out of control and completely into you So why put the blame on me When I can put the blame on gravity Happy freakin new year. _________________________________ 12/30/04 Mood: Stomaach-ache Music: Tidus' Theme - FFX A little survey to get started. 1.What is the geekiest part of your music collection: Charlette Church, Lord of the Rings soundtracks 1-3, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's stone soundtrack. 2. What do you eat when you raid the fridge at night: I don't usually raid the fridge at night, but if I do eat at night its like, chips or something unhealthy. 3. How much money would it take to give up the Internet for one year: A lot of money. 4. What is your secret guaranteed weeping movie: Armageddon. 5. Do you have a completely irrational fear: Erm...fear of people talking about me when I'm not around, or...oh, I know one. I am scared of walking alone, because have the constant fear of being followed. 6. What is a physical habit that gives away your insecure moments: Blushing. I always blush. 7. Famous person you've been closest to: Umm...I met uh...well I...crap >.< No one. Maybe I'll think of someone later, but I'd have to say the closest I've ever been to someone famous is those Santa Clauses in the mall >.< 8. Describe your bed: Twin with a matress perfect for jumping, and a pink comforter with bubbles to match my walls...and comfy. 9. Do you know how to play poker: Nope. 10. What do you carry with you at all times/would carry if you had it: Money, my drivers lisence, cell phone, I would carry a camera pen and paper if I could. 11. What do you miss most about your past: Relaxation. 12. Are you happy with your given name: Sure. 13. What color is your bedroom: White, with pink wallpaper trim with white bubbles and stripes. 14. Do you consider yourself to be a nice person: Yes, extremely and perhaps much too overly nice. 15. Do you spend more time with your girlfriend/boyfriend or your friends: If I really had either of importance, I may be confronted with that situation. However, at the moment that is not a problem. 16. What's one thing you wish you could do but can't: Speak different languages other than English, and play the piano. 17. What is your ideal marriage location: Umm...not picky, but maybe Cruise Ship....or Disney World ^^. 18. What's one instrument you wish you could play: Piano. 19. Something you love and hate at the same time: People. Some people can be so selfish, and so rude and so self-interested, and that's when I hate them: when people don't think of others it makes me angry because we all have to look OUT for each other, we all have to help each other in order for this world to work! If every person was independant on themselves then we'd be five hundred million bajillion separate individual countries, all at war with one another. But those people who are always helping, always willing to give something up for the next person, and sacrificing their own happiness for the happiness of others just because by doing so makes them happy again: its those people that I love. 20. What's one language you want to learn: Japanese. 21. What do you order at a bar: Probably something fruity. 22. Have you ever pierced your own body parts: One time Bonnie peirced my ear in three places at once with a needle. Killed, though. 23. Do you drive stick: Do I what? 24. What's one trait you respect or love in a person: Caring. No, I don't mean the whole when a person is upset go "oh its okaaay" and comfort them. I mean REALLY caring: like caring enough to tell a friend when they are wrong, or something they're doing is wrong in order to keep them from being hurt. I respect people who are caring. 25. What kind of watch do you wear: Half past a freckle! :P 26. Do you consider yourself materialistic: No...anything I want I buy for myself, and I don't like it when people buy things for me. I also buy everything the cheapest possible without being rediculous or unrealistic. 27. Favorite writing instrument: Pencil. Mechanical. 28. Do you prefer to blend in or stand out: Blend in until its my turn to shine...then I can stand out. 29. Do you ever go out dressed like the opposite sex: ...Uh, sure, I wear guys sweatshirts (my dads sweatshirts) all the time, if that's what you mean, and then wear baseball caps but the rest of me is purely girl. 30. What is one car you will never buy: Hummer. They're just too big, and too ugly. 31. Your strongest opinion or belief: Women and Men will never be equal. Men can do some things that women can not: just like women can do many things that men can not. Live with it, women: sure, some miraculous women have the fantastic ability to become a firefighter at men's standards, but there's a reason for those standards, and they should not be changed at any cost for women. They should not be lowered for women, because the standard was made because that is what is needed to perform the tasks that that profession requires: if those standards were lowered for women of lesser ability simply because they were women, then those tasks would not get done correctly, well, or at all. People forget to think rationally about situations like this, when they try to prove women and men equal: women and men will never, and can never, be equal. 32. Burial or cremation: I would donate my organs to people who need them, and then I think most likely cremation. 33. What makes you not like a person: Rudeness, and if they ignore me or interrupt alot. 34. What kind of first impression do you think you give people: Maybe a little annoying, overly chipper, friendly, somewhat quiet/shy, a follower. 35. How many drinks before you're tipsy: Not alot. 36. Something you wish you weren't afraid of doing: Dating. 37. A song lyric you can relate to: Alot. 38. Something you would change about the world if you had the power: I'd change the way people live, perhaps more modestly: I don't understand how the 500 richest people in the word have more money than the 300,000 billion poorest in the world. That's alot of money, I'd say. Everyone should just stop, and take a look at their lives and realize what they've got, and what they need to be thankful for, and what they need to change: if everyone lived more modestly, and everyone was equal, every person living comfortably, then there would be no problems. There wouldn't be one boy going to an ivy league school (which could cost up to over a million dollars in the long run) and his friend, who never has the hope of ever seeing even the cheapest of state schools. Even if we can't force the rich to degrade themselves down to middle-class level, or bump the poor into suburban homes with a meal on the table every night and a roof to shield them from the cold, we could offer more financial aid to the poor people who want to exceed away from their family expectations, and want to go to college, and become great and maybe get that middle-class house and have the money, and be proud to put that meal on the table every night. The poor are people, too, and just think: how would you feel living on the street? 39. The greatest thing you've ever learned: Is just to love, and be loved in return. 40. Your place on the political spectrum (liberal - conservative): I'm not sure. ______Your Life_______ [x] They call me: Brandy [x] Sex: Girl [x] My first breath of air: December 16, 1987 [x] Occupation: Pizza place worker. _______Rewind_______ [x] Most memorable memory: Yah this is gunna sound stupid, but one time when my grandfather (deceased 1996) took me up on his knee and would you know, tell a story or just bounce his knee up and down and go "woooaaa" like he was controlling a horse ^^; then he always gave me a dollar to buy penny candy at the Old Country Store. [x] Worst?: Alot of embaressing stuff I've done, fights with people. [x] First word uttered: I don't know. [x] First best friend ever: Nicole Harbor. _______Opposite Sex_______ [x] Turn ons: Speaking to me in a different language...but only if they're saying something nice. Also when guys whisper stuff, I love it. [x] Do your parent's opinion on your bf/gf matter to you?: Not at all. [x] What kinda hair style?: Short. Definitely. [x] The sweetest thing a member of the opposite sex can do for you?: I dunno, just something that shows that they care. [x] Where do you go to meet new people?: The mall? Or the movies, maybe. [x] Are you the type of person to HOLLER and ask for numbers?: No, definitely not. _______Picky Picky_______ [x] Dog or cat: Cats cause you can cuddle them, dogs are too hyper. [x] Short or long hair: Long hair for me, short for guys. [x] Sunshine or rain: Rain because it gives me a reason to stay in my pajamas and be lazy all day. [x] Moon or sun: Moon. [x] Hugs or kisses: Hugs. [x] One best friend or 10 acquaintances: One best friend. [x] Summer or winter: Definitely winter. [x] Written letters or e-mails: I like written letters, but they take so long. [x] Playstation or nintendo: Playstation, because thats what I have. [x] Car or motorcycle: Cars. Convertible to be exact ^^. [x] House party or club: Most likely a club, but with friends. [x] Sing or dance: Singing. [x] Freak or slow dance: Personally, slow dance. _______Lately_______ [x] How are you today? Hey, I'm pretty good, thanks for asking! [x] What pants are you wearing right now? Sweat pants that are comfy and say "Hey Boo" in pink on the butt. ^^; [x] What shirt are you wearing right now? One of my dads hoodies. [x] What does your hair look like at the moment? Um...down and it was straitened yesterday but is now kinda half curled half straitened and staticky. Hey, I'm bein honest, arn't I? :P [x] What song are you listening to right now? "Trashin' The Camp" by Nsync and Phil Collins. Oh jeez XD [x] How is the weather right now? Cold and windy but nice. [x] Last person you talked to on the phone? Ray. [x] Last dream you can remember? I was at a dock somewhere, and Bonnie and Laura decided to go swimming before our boat came (we were going on a boat to somewhere) but I didn't want to because every log that i saw looked like an alligator. So then I turn back to Bonnie and Laura swimming and I see an alligator swimming underwater on each side of Laura, and one near Bonnie, but they can't see them. Then, instead of attacking them, an alligator jumped out of the water onto the dock and clamped its huge ferocious jaws down on my left arm. I was in total shock and so I wanted to tell my mom or someone to call 911 but no one did, and they didnt even seem to notice cause Laura and Bonnie kept swimming. [x] Who are you talking to right now? Nobody I have an away message up. [x] What time is it? 6:52pm [x] What's the next CD you are going to buy? Elvis :P [x] Do you like the person that sent this to you? Stole this from Bonnie, so sure. [x] What's the best advice ever given to you? [x] Have you ever won any special award? No. [x] What's the stupidest thing u have ever done? I've done alot of stupid things. [x] How many kids do you want to have? Two. [x] Shampoo? Uh...lemmie check. Pantene Pro-V? [x] What are you most scared of? Rejection, spiders, dark, walking alone, being followed. [x] How many TV's do you have in your house? five. [x] Do you have your own TV? Two ^^; [x] Have you ever broken/sprained/fractured a bone? Nope. [x] Who do you dream about? No one in particular. Myself, mostly, or my cat. [x] Who do you tell your dreams to? My family, maybe. Not much to say, really, just bored and kind of tired. I have period cramps. Owowowowowowowowowowowowowowwwwwwwww! Tommy killed a mouse! What a good boy, I'm so proud of him!!! ^_^ *glows with pride* _______________________________________ 12/10/04 Mood: Still lonely Music: Crazy Little Thing Called Love - Queen This is a thing I took from Erin's journal that I didnt know I knew about: while I was skimming through it I found this and decided to post it on here. All of the starred ones are the ones that apply to me. **01.I miss somebody right now **02. I don't watch much TV these days 03. I love olives **04. I love sleeping **05. I own lots of books 06. I wear glasses or contact lenses **07. I love to play video games 08. I've tried cocaine 09. I've watched porn movies and enjoyed it 10. I have been in a threesome 11. I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship **12. I believe honesty is usually the best policy **13. I love ice cream 14. I like and respect Al Sharpton 15. I curse a lot **16. I have changed a lot mentally over the last few months **17. I have a hobby **18. I am smart 19. I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me **21. I've never broken someone's bones **22. I have a secret that I am ashamed to reveal 23. I hate the rain .. Unless it's thunderstorms I <3 those **24. I'm paranoid at times **25. I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free **26. I need money right now 27. I love sushi **28. I talk really, really fast 29. I have fresh breath in the morning **30. I have semi-long hair 31. I have lost money in Las Vegas **32. I have at least one brother and/or one sister 33. I was born in a country outside of the U.S. 34. I shave my legs (females) or face (males) on a regular basis **35. I have a twin 36. I have worn fake hair/fingernails/eyelashes in the past 37. I couldn't survive without Caller I.D. **38. I like the way that I look sometimes 39. I have gotten in a fist fight in the past 40. I know how to cornrow 41. I am usually pessimistic **42. I have a lot of mood swings 43. I think prostitution should be legalized ..Go for it **44. I think Britney Spears is pretty 45. I have cheated on a significant other in the past 46. I have a hidden talent **47. I'm always hyper no matter how much sugar I have 48. I have a lot of friends **49. I am afraid of spiders 50. I have kissed someone of the same sex 51. I enjoy talking on the phone **52. I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants 53. I love to shop 54. I would rather shop than eat 55. I would classify myself as ghetto 56. I'm bourgie and have worn a sweater tied around my shoulders 57. I'm obsessed with my Xanga or Livejournal **58. I don't hate anyone. I dislike them. 59. I'm a pretty good dancer 60. I don't think Mike Tyson raped Desiree Washington 61. I'm completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother **62. I have a cell phone **63. I believe in something 64. I watch MTV on a daily basis 65. I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months 66. I love drama **67. I have never been in a real relationship before **68. I've rejected someone before **69. I know someone who is gay **70. I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life **71. I want to have children in the future. **72. I have changed a diaper before **73. I've called the cops on a friend before 74. I bite my nails 75. I am a member of the Tom Green fan club 76. I'm not allergic to anything **77. I have a lot to learn 78. I have been with someone at least 10 years older or younger. 79. I plan on seeing Ice Cube�s newest "Friday" movie 80. I am shy around the opposite sex 81. I'm online 24/7, even as an away message **82. I have at least 5 away messages saved 83. I like to dirtbike **84. I have made a move on a friend�s significant other in the past 85. I own the "South Park" movie 86. I have avoided assignments at work to be on Xanga or Livejournal... 87. When I was a kid I played doctor with a neighbor or chum **89. I would die for my best friends **88. I enjoy country music 90. I think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza 91. I watch soap operas whenever I can **92. I'm obsessive, anal retentive, and often a perfectionist 93. I have used my sexuality to advance my career **94. I love Michael Jackson, scandals and all 95. I know all the words to Slick Rick�s "Children's Story" 96. Halloween is awesome because you get free candy 97. I watch Spongebob Squarepants and I like it 98. I have dated a close friend�s ex 99. I like surveys **100. I am happy at this moment 101. I'm obsessed with guys/chicks 102. I am bi 103. Democrat 104. Conservative Republican **105. I refuse to be tied to either major political party 106. I am a punk rocker **107. I am preppy **108. I am a hippy **109. I tie my shoelaces differently to anyone I've ever met 110. Once I fall for someone, it takes a lot to get over them..hence why it takes a lot for me to fall for someone 111. I've been the life of a party... 112. I have a symbol tied to my identity (or my identity tied to a symbol) **113. I never grew out of "Pretend you are a..." games 114. I have lived on a commune 115. I know the significance of �42� **116. I have taken antidepressants before (Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Wellbutrin, etc.) **117. I can sing 118. Sometimes, I want to be tied up **119. I go for older guys/girls, not younger 120. I study for tests most of the time **121. I love the wind 122. I hate thunder 123. I have a plan for retirement that does not involve the lottery 124. I have a current will 125. 'It's Always 4:20' **126. I am confused as to what I want out of life. 127. I believe in after death communication Like Ghostsss? 128. I'm happy with my choices in life 129. I love spending time with my man/woman, and love snuggling with him/her! 130. I love summer time and would move to anywhere where it's summer all the time. 131. I am gay 132. I am bi-curious (from the gay side of the spectrum). 133. I am a college student 134. I am a diva in many ways. **135. I think reality TV shows are stupid..some 136. I have at least one tattoo **137. I rarely eat 2 meals a day, and almost never 3 138. I honestly prefer milk over every other beverage **139. I am supposed to be doing homework right now 140. I am in love...i think **141. I wish i was more confident 141. I smell good ..I hope so! Hahah **142. I root for the Red Sox. **143. I just don't know anymore. **144. I am super bored. So anyway back to my actual entry, this is one of the first entries Ive had at home for awhile. But not alot has been going on to talk about. Went to the dermatologists (if i spelt that right) because acne is heredatary in my family and i want it gone: acne medication made my face dry and even worst. Thanks you fuckin retard of a dermatologist: why not try being a pediatrician so you can go screw up more lives?! well, my life isnt screwed up...just my self esteem. im actually on my own computer, and i went and peeked at some of the journals i had in my favorites, and glimsed people talking about their problems and how depressed they are, and I just feel like such a whiner for complaining. But i get sad too, you know? I've got bonnie: shes my best friend. but for some reason i just feel like ive matured past all these people, and that depresses me a ton...sometimes i just find myself tearing up and crying out of pure lonliness and lack of reason. also, theres a strange sort of dislike for myself that kind of just lives inside me, nagging at me even when i feel sort of good...like how i wish that i could be so happy and so normal like everyone else, why do I HAVE TO BE screwed up? why cant i be good, too? why didnt i get the nice hair or the nice, clear skin, or the great body or the eye-catching confidence or the amazing art talent or the life-changing genious? i cant do any of that, im worthless! i cant even make FRIENDS...they get too sick of me trying too hard to be nice, to be their friend. i just dont UNDERSTAND it... i'd be my friend, if i knew me...but there must be something im not seeing that other people do. if only i knew what that was. something tells me its not that i dont have looks, or not a genious, or talented...maybe its something else. maybe if they told me, i could fix it....and then i'd be happy again. __________________________ 12/02/04 Mood: Sorta lonely. Music: People typing in the library. Yup, in the library again, I don't really like to post otherwise because my computer is very slow at home. So anyway, what's been goin on. Joe's off at basic training, which makes me incredibly worried for him. I asked him before he left if he was nervous, but he said no: he said he was pumped, and that he'd get nervous on the bus. I'm so proud of him. But bonnie told me that they have a new type of training, where no matter what you're doing, you have to have a backup in combat. If I remember correctly, Joe told me that he wanted to do something like in the foreign language department of the marines...and that if he had to do combat he'd quit. But I don't think he will: I know he's going to do just fine, but I'm still worried for him. Anyway, um...kinda lonely the past few days/week. Thanksgiving for some reason made me extremely lonely and annoyed at life, although I'm not quite sure why. Then after thanksgiving, I just...don't ever want to go to school ever anymore. I wish I could just stay home and not go, or get homeschooled or something, because I hate it. Woops, gotta go! Bell! ___________________ 11/16/04 Mood: Bored Music: The library....shhh! Anyway, got nothin to do because I'm in the library and, although I'd do some of the stuff I would do at home (read fanfics, RP, blablabla) I don't want people looking over my shoulder, so I've taken to updating my journal. So anyway, what's happened to me? I havn't had much happen to me, actually: besides the fact that I got a new car (1998 Chevy Cavalier in a really pretty red) and work's going fine. I havn't really had many problems, with myself, anyway. Ally got suspended again so she's not here, so that's kinda sad: also certain people have been being assholes but I'm not gunna say any names because they might read it. But whatever. Just think if this applies to you: I've been nothing but nice to you ever, I've never ever said anything bad about you, and only been your friend, so why are you acting like you're better than me, because you may be better looking and more popular, but that's all. That'll only get you so far in life, you jerk. I don't know why I'm so mad, but I am: maybe I just wont talk to this person for a few days, see if I can calm down. Good idea. Anyways, saving up for a new computer so I can either buy WoW or EQII. Most of the people I used to play FFXI with switched to EQII, but Bonnie (who works at gamestop) told me that her fellow workers say that WoW is going to be more popular. Decisions, decisions: there is one thing that I know I'll be getting, though. SIMS II!!!! Yaaaahh!!! I don't know why I want it so much, it just seems like so much fun ^^; Go figure. Did I mention I hate math? Cause I do and I am REALLY not looking forward to it. Oh yah, geuss what. I took the day before Thanksgiving off next week, and they put me on 11:30 to like 8. Wtf is up with that?! They can NOT keep taking advantage of me like this just because they know I won't say anything. This time, I'm gunna say soemthing, and it is NOT gunna be pretty!! Anyways, I gotta go because I don't really feel like writing anything else. Lattaz. _____________________________ 9/10/04 Mood: Oddly calm Music: Every Morning - Sugar Ray Okay so...about the fact that I hate myself a little bit right now. God fucking dammit. For all those who read this and didn't see or hear about it already, I drove my new car - which, by the way, i've only had for a week and one day, along with my lisence - into a nice, solid TREE yesterday. On Holliston Street. The main road. I am not only embaressed, but freakin I feel like a goddamn idiot. It was wet and my car is rear wheel drive, and as I was pulling out of Meryl St (where, btw, a bunch of my neighbors were waiting for their kids to get off of my MOMS BUS) and I geuss I pulled out a little too fast for the wet street: the rear wheels went the opposite way, the front end swerved into oncoming traffic so OBVIOUSLY im gunna jerk the wheel the other way: which concluded in me driving OFF THE ROAD, down a hill into some person's yard (the white house across from Meryl St) and towards their woods...into not only a tree, but breaking a rock in the process. Also in the process totaling my car: beyond repair. So of course it takes me a second to realize that I hit a tree. Now, you have to remember, I feel like an ass because Bonnie, who was in the front seat, goes to me as I'm pulling out, "BRANDY, BRANDY!! WATCH YOUR TIRES!" right before I got all screwy and hit the tree. Then as we're SPEEDING towards the tree (it never occured to me to take my foot off the gas, instead I just kept accelerating) she was also screaming "BRANDY!!! BRAN-DDDYYY!" then she turns to me when we've hit the tree and she looks kinda confused and goes, "Brandy...we're in a tree. What did you do?!" My foot didn't ACTUALLY stop pressing the gas pedal until Bonnie pointed out that maybe we should get out of the car in case it explodes. So I tried to open my door, realized it was smashed shut, just as Bonnie slammed her door: in my face. Nice, Bon. Once I explained to her that I couldn't open my door, she opened it again, and waves to the dozens of parents waiting waiting for their kids to get off the bus. Did I mention my mom drives that bus? So then geuss who pulls up. Officer fuckin Watson. Greeeeeaaaat. The guy that taught me DARE. At least I wasn't high. Then an ambulance after him. Then two MORE cops. So I did the only thing I could think of. I started swearing at them to go away. When the ambulance pulled up, for example, it was like this: Officer Watson: Hey Brandy, wow you sure did hit that tree! Me: What the Fuck is that ambulance doing there?! Tell them to get the hell outta here I don't need them!! We don't need a fuckin ambulance! EMTs: *come over* Hello! Me: Fuck off...why more fuckin cops we DONT NEED THIS MANY FUCKIN COPS!!! At that exact time, my mom drives by in the bus. OOOOH GOD. Everyone who knows my mom, you can all be very sure that she FLIPPED OUT. She called my uncle mike to come to the scene, and my next door neighbor too. Oh and two old ladies that lived in the house that I think were lesbians o.O hm. Bonnie wasn't wearing her seatbelt. There was a crack in the windshield where she hit her head but she swore she didn't. Apparantly it didn't start hurting until after she got home. Now we've got horrible wiplash. Yay!!! So now I've got a foot airfreshener, a steering wheel cover with dolphins on it, and a turtle bobblehead with no home. Also, the car was covered in Coca Cola: so was Bonnie's head (i had a mcdonalds cup and it exploded on impact). I think that out of all of us, the Turtle bobblehead took the most damage. He lost his head. Luckily it was found again in the backseat and quickly reattached. Stayed home from school today. Don't really wanna drive much anymore, but I'm gunna have to. Looks like I need a new car. And an icepack... ______________________________________ 9/7/04 Mood: Headache Music: That song...by Kelly Clarkson...yah. The new school isnt as great as I thought it would be: I mean its OKAY, but if I could choose from the old school or the new school: I'd pick the old one. Without blinking twice. I don't care about the broken lockers, the crowded classrooms. The no AC on a hott day, and the no heat in Winter. I'll face it even though no one else will. Frickin I liked the old school better. I was more comfortable there, felt like I owned the place. I kinda feel like a visitor here. But I geuss things had to have changed. ANyways, my classes are hard, but I'll live: until they start actually making us do work. Got my drivers lisence: it gets old fast, espssually with Bonnie in the front seat. Sometimes shes just so annoying correcting me all the time and i just wanna scream "SHUT THE FUCK UP OR GET OUT OF MY GOD DAMN CAR, YOU ANNOYING LITTLE SHIT!!!" But of course I wouldnt say that. ANyuways thats all. Gotta go! Headache. _______________________________ 8/19/04 Mood: Tired Music: Yuutsu Na Seven Days - Bad Luck Got my schedule for school, it's a little screwed up. Check it, I'll try to put it as best I can. A Period days 1-6 Economics Acc with Petrarca B Period days 1-6 Math III Std with Ryan C Period days 1 and 4 Phys Ed with Grant C Period day 2 Chemistry Std double with Sci TBA Chem C Period days 3, 4, and 6 Study Hall with Buscio D Period days 1-6 Chemistry Std with Sci TBA Chem E Period days 1-6 Sociology Acc with Coyle F Period days 1-6 English III Acc with Ryan C G Period days 1-6 U.S. History Acc with Regan Oh yah and my homeroom is 111, and my locker is A0187. Anyway, since Jenny's auto school is retarded, I'm missing the first day of school for my drivers test: I hope I pass! But it's no question that I have to: HAVE to. I don't want to take a bus to school, and my dad already picked me out a car (two, actually, we're going to pick today). Fi arrived from England on Tuesday, and it is now Thurday. We're going to Six Flags today, if everyone can get their butts in gear! People are so slow. ^_^ But it's okay, cause while I'm waiting I can play with my new.... kitten! Yep, I got a kitten. I named him Tom. Why Tom, I know you're asking, as did several other people. Well I say, why not Tom? ^_^ He's all white, with a little bit of gray on the top of his head, and he's got the prettiest blue eyes you've ever seen. He is like the picturesque kitten, it's adorable, but he's so small: the litterbox and food are in my room but I kept getting so nervous during the night that I kept waking up and if I couldn't find him I'd panic and get up and look for him. He likes to go under my pillow, which isn't very healthy so I keep having to get him out. ^_^ But he's so cute. I didn't pick him out: Bonnie and Fi did. Woot, toast is up. All for today! Lattaz. ___________________________ 7/22/04 Mood: Figity Music: The Rage Beat - Bad Luck Okay, so instead of writing about my vacation to Cape Cod all over again, I will just copy and paste what I wrote in my email to Adam. "Anyways, my vacation consisted of beach beach and more beach. I was there from Monday to Thursday, where we left at 9:00 in the morning, roughly 10. If you want the details, before we left Laura drove us to Dunkin Donuts where I got a french vanilla iced coffee with cream and exactly seven sugars. Yup. Only finished half of it on the car ride home, I don't drink coffee too much, now I am so totally wired. @.@ *twitch* The first day we were there we just kinda chilled, set up our camper thingie and chilled somore, then went to the beach and caught some rays. Yup, rays. Then when the sun went down we went back to our campsite and lit a fire in our little grill (which, by the way, we apparantly arnt supposed to do) and made food. Food being marshmellows. Yup. Then we went to sleep and when I woke up it was very hot! Then we realized we could turn on the AIR CONDITIONOR! O.O :D So we did that. But today we just went to the beach basically all day up until like, 2:00, when we went back to the camper thing and watched Oceans Eleven. Watching Oceans Eleven with Bonnie is somewhat annoying to the people around us who are trying to watch it as well, because Bonnie and I have basically memorized the entire movie, so the parts we think are funny we will (very annoyingly, at that) recite along with the characters. Oh, and comment about how ugly Julia Roberts is (AKA: she looks like a horse, if she breaths in, George Cloony will get sucked up her huge nostrils! etc. etc.) So we watched that and then my Uncle Mike came over and he went fishing or whatever, and made these weird tasting burgers. Didn't eat them, for sure. Then went back to the beach again and had verrrry awkward conversation with two guys who decided to sit down and start talking to us. The conversation consisted of the following: Brandon: Do you smoke? Bonnie and I: No. Alex: Do you drink? Bonnie and I: No. Brandon: Do you play any sports? Bonnie and I: No. Alex: Do you do anything?! Bonnie: Of course we do. Brandon: Well what DO You do? Bonnie and Brandy in creepy unision: Chill. The end. Awkward conversation after that consisted of them doing most of the talking and Bonnie and I listening politely as they talked of tales of their popularity etc. etc., a few times asking us if we knew "so and so" in which we would respond that no, we don't know alot of people. They left and Bonnie and I played a flashlight signal game with these random people, I dunno who they were, but whenever we flashed our flashlight oh say, three times, they would flash theirs three times as well. It was fun ^_^. We climbed up on the lifegaurd stand while we were doing it, as well, and apparantly people were lighting off fireworks that we watched for a little while. Then we went back to the campsite and chilled, where I also braved the kind of creepy showers. Like, they were like bathroom stalls only showers, and it made me kind of uncomfortable: however, I wore my bathing suit in it and it wasn't too bad: I was just afraid of peeping Toms! o.o Apparantly Laura seems to have become obsessed with Oceans Eleven (-_-)p because she was watching it when I got back. My movie! >.< then we went to bed. When we woke up in the morning I was tan but Laura was too sunburnt to go to the beach. (haha!) So we went to the "Cape Cod Mall" instead. My dad came up and got yelled at for all of our mistakes (aka: we're not supposed to have charcoal fires, we can't park a car on the grass, blablabla, and last but not least, no alchohaul). You can geuss which one of those rules my dad CERTAINLY did not follow; you geussed it, he didn't freakin care if there were rangers passing by he had his beer and he was gunna drink it. At the mall they had an awsome arcade where me and Bonnie spent about 10 dollars (heh...^^;) then we went and played "Harry Potter and the Prisonor of Azkaban) in Best Buy. I can't help it, I loooove video games ^_^. We also mowed. Chinese food or whatever. Then when we got back we showed my dad the beach (which was funny because he was wearing jeans, worker boots, and like a tshirt --which was obviously not a bathing suit-- I was wearing jeans and sneakers and a tshirt --again no bathing suit-- Bonnie's wearing jeans and sneakers and, although she was wearing a bathing suit, there was a beater on top of it, and Laura wearing actually shorts and sandles but looking very sunburnt and like she didn't belong. ^_^) Man was it hott there, specially in jeans. We left relatively quick and went OUT to dinner, some place where it was called like "The English Beer wherever" can't quite remember, but my dad wanted to go there cause he said they must have good beer if they have beer in the name. To tell you the truth, if they had good beer (obviously I would not be the judge of whether or not the beer was good or not) it was probably the best thing that they had because they didn't have ice cream. -_- I mean who doesn't have ice cream? They rank number 10000000 in my book now. When we went back to the campsite me and Bonnie went on the beach cause it was getting dark and we could go in jeans when its dark, and when we got back to the campsite Laura was (once again) watching Oceans Eleven. grr. That and I hadda share a bed with Bonnie wasn't so great, but I lived. I remebered to bring James Lance Bass this time to I had something to hug! ^_^ So we left today and Bonnie got mad at me because I got the front seat (:P) but she was over it pretty quick. I can say I am very much glad to be home, for sure! We will be leaving on Tuesday for Maine: I definitely thought we were leaving sooner than that, but I geuss that gives us time to chill. I actually didn't take any pictures up there: there wasn't much worth taking, to tell you the truth, didn't see much if you know whatI mean. If we had gone to P-Town I so would have taken tons of picctures, but we didn't go there because my mom wouldn't drive there (which is understandable as it is a very long drive!!)) All in all it was a fun trip, but I am glad to be home." In other news, on Tuesday we are leaving for Maine, so get ready, Maine! ^_^ Here I come! __________________________________ 7/16/04 Mood: Hungry Music: The Way You Touch Me - Enrique Iglesias (or however you spell it) Will someone get this song OUT OF MY HEAD?! O.O O.O O.O I've listened to it six times and its not out yet. >.< It doesn't help that along with THAT song I have the "Charmin Ultra" commercial buzzing around in there somewhere as well. You know, the "less is more" thing? Goddamit! OH well. I just like, totally maowed freakin ABC spagettios. They wern't too bad. ^_^ And now: PEPSI TIME!!! Chyah. Got a new phone. it is AWSOME. However, I think I broke it already :X. GAH! _______________________________ 7/8/04 Mood: Impatient Music: How Come - D12 Okay so Bonnie comes home today!! Today today today! And you know how I ordered Gravitation on the 27th? Well it hasn't gotten here yet. You know. I ORDERED IT ELEVEN DAYS AGOOO!! My dad's a little concerned but not because I'm a spoiled brat and always get what I want: he said that "that's eleven days with my credit card". Now we are going uptown to get posterboard. We are going to make Bonnie a big sign so that she can be super embaressed when she comes off the plane and sees me and Kellie waving like maniacs. Dude. I so totally did not know I had italian ice in my freezer. Woa dude. I also have these weird OTHER italian ice things that are cherry flavored. Shows how much I go in the basement freezer. But we have no ice cubes in my house. Anyone have the recipe for ice cubes, because no one in my family knows it. Lalala, I am so excited. Bonnie is coming home!! :D :D. We're going out to dinner afterward, too: which I am not SO happy about because I am getting fat, but what am I gunna do: food is good, and I'm hungry. ^_^ Well goin up to get posterboard now, so me and Kellie can make pretty signs. ^_^ ________________________________ 6/29/04 Mood: Sorta good Music: Affirmation - Savage Garden Little survey thing I took cause I was bored: About guys: --Your Favorite-- Hair Color:: black or blonde Eye Color:: green or blue (Their)Music Genre Preference:: Pop or at least the tolerance to listen to it. Height(estimate):: eh...5'5 at least. Age:: At least a year older than me Personality Type:: someone who'll laugh but make jokes too, who i can have fun around. --This or That-- Older or Younger:: definitely older. Romantic or Horndog:: romantic..heh heh horndog. definitely romantic. Smart or Stupid:: eh...depends on what type of stupid i don't like that question. i mean if the guy is booksmart but has isnt smart about being respectful or nice to others, thats not really even that smart but if there's someone who fails at school but is very polite and knows whats up then id take the "stupid" kid anyday ^_^. Fat or Skinny:: skinny. Skinny but Muscular or Big and Muscular:: skinny but muscular. Punk or Preppy:: preppy. The Big Picture or the Little Things:: little things ^_^ Flowers/Candy or Big Expensive Present:: Ach, no presents at ALL. I hate it when people get me presents for no reason. Even if its my birthday I dont really like it when people get me stuff. Mixtape or Burned CD:: Mix tape. Love or Lust:: Love. Emotional or Just Not:: hmm..don't understand what that means... Sincere or Jokester:: jokester ^_^ Hott and mean or Ugly and sweet:: gotta think about that one, i mean itd depend on how hott he really was... Sexy or Just "cute":: just "cute" ^_^ Arse or Abs:: abs. Hair or Hands:: Hair. ^_^ Dimples or Eyes:: Eyes ^_^ Biceps or Calves/Thighs:: what the heck is a bicep?! Teeth or Nose(some people are just wierd) :: nose Clean Shaven or Scruffy:: clean shaven, but being scruffy once in a while wouldnt bother me ^_^ Rugged or Prim and Proper:: id prefer prim and proper...not a good way to put it, though... Countryboy or Cityboy: cityboy... Date alone or With Friends: friends! Mama's Boy or Rebel Without A Cause:: definitely Mama's boy --Their Clothing(yes/no)-- Boxers?:: definitely Briefs?:: ehh...no. Hat?:: yah! Skater Shoes?:: no. Pimp Shoes?:: whats a pimp shoe? i dont think so. Band Shirts?:: ehh..not particulrly. Vintage shirts?:: i dont know what that is. Southpole/um..other thug clothes..?:: definitely not. Dixie Outfitters/Big Johnsons?:: i dont know what that is Independent/DC?:: i dont know what that is Skavenger/UGP?:: ii dont know what that is Fox/Thor?:: i dont know what that is Jeans or Shorts?:: definitely jeans. --Be Honest-- Would you ever date a guy for his money?:: absolutely. Would you ever date a guy for his social status?:: yes. Have you ever liked hanging out with your bf's friends more than him?:: yes. Have you ever pretended to like somebody to make them feel better?: yes. Have you called a girl a whore, when you were screwing lots of guys?:: no Do looks matter?:: sadly, alot. Are you honestly scared of being dumped?:: yes. Does size matter?:: aha...sort of. Do you avoid 'situations' with ugly guys?:: as much as humanly possible. Are you ashamed to be seen with your ugly friends?:: not really. Are you ashamed for being ashamed?(you better be):: yes, if i ever felt ashamed im sure i felt ashamed afterward for being ashamed. im sure ive been ashamed once or twice and not known it. Do you hide things from your crushes/guy friends/bf?:: all the time. Do you lie about masturbation for attention or false innocence?:: yes. Do you really want a guy to say if those jeans make your butt look fat?:: yes. Are you dissapointed when your bf doesn't say I love you right away?:: not really. Wanna be a virgin till marriage?: I'll try. Do you really love the guys everytime that you say it?: No. Do you dream about your crushes/bfs/guy friends?:: Sure ^_^ Would you makeout with a guy friend just to get it over with/curiosity?:: Not without blushing alot and never speaking to him again afterward. ------ So anyway, finished my last driving time today and I can leglly be able to get my lisence in four days. However, I have to wait 3-4 weeks: in those 3-4 weeks I will practice parallel parking, because everytime the guy made me so it in driving time he would pick some random person's car to practice on, which made ME wicked nervous because it would always be parked right outside their house. :) Savage Garden always makes me feel better. I ordered Gravitation!American two days ago: it came out yesterday but I put it on slow, cheap delivery because I'm not going to watch it until Bonnie gets back anyway. Gotta go to New Hampshire tomarrow. *sigh* Which sucks, because I'm not going to have anyone to hang out with down there. So I geuss I'll just chill by myself. Not alloud to bring my PS2, either. Damn. that was gunna be my source of entertainment >.< Now I'll have to bring my summer reading books. Nooooooooooo!!! What pisses me off about them is they're spanish. Like, for Spanish. And I'm not taking Spanish next year. YOU SUCK MRS.GUILFOIL! Even though she's not reading this. Eheh... ;_;. "Sometimes sanity takes vacation time on me, I'm in a daze, stumble and bewildered, North of gravity, and up in the stratesphere, you and I, roller coaster ride in love" That song's on now, and I hadda put a quote in there for the heck of it ^_^ "Walk on broken glass, make my way through fire These are the things I would do for love Farewell peice of mind, kiss goodbye to reason Up is down: The impossible occurs each day" Me and mom are trying to redecorate Bonnie's room for her before she gets back: I don't think we're gunna finish, but I geuss it's the thought that counts. "This intoxication thrills me I only pray it doesn't kill me.." Went tanning yesterday, and Hah, I got burned yesterday really bad. ^_^ my face was so red and everything hurt but, me being me I woke up and it was gone: along with any trace whatsoever that I had gone tanning. Well a little teeny tan. Lived off of spagetios for the past three days O.O and i havnt gotten sick of them yet. no groceries ^_^ no one wants to go or really has the money to go anyway. so i went over to the little store and bought three cans of Spagettios for 89 cents each! Someone'll have to go shopping eventually. I'll eat spagettios until they do. Except I just ate my last can. Haha!!! Oh well. Going to New Hampshire anyway. Obviously they're planning on going shopping up there. Might as well start reading three musketeers or one of those books. DEFINITELY not reading Les Miserabes or however you spell it. talk about HUGE: i dont even know why i got it. Maybe because I'd want to read it later, when I'm not being forced to. Oh yah, I got a study instead of Spanish: apparantly Mrs.I-Can't-Talk-Because-I-Have-An-Annoying-Voice-And-Should-Shut-The-Fuck-Up Ford says that I have a "very heavy schedule". Very heavy schedule my butt, lady! I also know for a fact that I will not be allowed to have a regular study: I won't be able to go to study like a normal kid, no I get to go to that special little SPED room, wherevr the hell it may be in the new school. Goody! Man, if I'm gunna have a study it might as well be a STUDY not freakin SPED. I hate SPED, and I am in SPED for ONE reason, nd one reason alone. I have a learning disability in MATH. MATH! So why not just put me in a special little math class, instead of taking away all my studies so I can sit with a bunch of people who are way too immature while the teacher (who is supposed to be helping me with my learning disability in MATH) is too busy either trying to calm them down or helping the other people that I never actually do get any help with Math anyway. It's the way it always works. So gimmie my damn STUDY! I think I'll bring Bonnie's spanish cds with me up to New Hampshire. And listen to them. and learn Spanish. Just to show Mrs.Guilfoil that she sucks a little bit more. ________________________________ 6/28/04 Mood: Depressed Music: Shining Collection - Nittle Grasper *cry* Bonnie's gone now. *cry* ___________________________________ 6/27/04 Mood: Bored Music: Nsync - If Only Through Heaven's Eyes I never thought you were a fair-weather friend You never let me down, you're true to the end For in the darkest hour when all was lost Somehow you left the light on You faced the wrong and showed the world a thing or two Stood up for me and for you And you should know Some say it wasn't worth the things we went through I say it ain't worth losing you I hope you know how much you've changed all our lives Someday you'll see If only through heaven's eyes Only through heaven's... I still remember the things that you said I keep your words alive, I could never forget Cause in the final hour you made me proud So proud that I could know you Told the world it's time that they believed in you You stood for right and truth And you should know Some say it wasn't worth the things we went through I say it ain't worth losing you I hope you know how much you've changed all our lives Someday you'll see If only through heaven's eyes Only through heaven's eyes And so we can't forget We've got to keep remembering Them all The ones who took the fall They did it for us all And we should learn from it Stand up if you believe in it You've got to face the world, be strong Some say it wasn't worth the things we went through I say it ain't worth losing you I hope you know how much you've changed all our lives Someday you'll see If only through heaven's eyes Only through heaven's... Some say it wasn't worth the things we went through I say it ain't worth losing you I hope you know how much you've changed all our lives (Someday) Someday you'll see If only through heaven's eyes Only through heaven's... Man, I don't even want to talk about it. Spanish sucks, Mrs.Guilfoil can blow me, and Mrs.Ford can jump out a 60 story window. Oh yah, and while we're at it, Bonnie can go to Costa Rica in two days, leaving me alone. Cause its not like any of my friends call me or anything, and Ally and Bruce are in Maine >.< _______________________________________ 5/25/04 Mood: Weepy Music: Silence I went to work at 3:30...work was work, but then at like, 7:30 i just...flopped. my mood just changed and i wanted to go home. called bonnie but she didnt wanna come up and chill with me cause she was like, 600 tnl on FFXI,so i said okay...and just felt like i was gunna cry, finally, driving home, my eyes filled up with tears and i just said to my mom in a shaky voice, "nick's leaving in two weeks..." and mom acted like i was making a huge deal out of it, like too big of a deal but im not. nick has become an awsome friend of mine, i dont want to see him go: hes my favorite manager, and almost a mentor to me...i dont want to see him go! i hate the new manager, and the new kid they hired! without nick ill probably quit! came home and just burst into tears, sitting down on my bed next to bonnie and just crying for a half an hour strait: then i stopped crying for a little bit and watched, then went on the computer, where kevin IMed me, and the waterworks started again. about everything: work, school, melissa, kerrie, ally, everything i just cried about stuff i didnt know i wanted to cry about and cried for all the months that i havnt cried...cried and cried and cried. still crying. i bet you don't remember it like i do, but i remember it like it was yesterday. you were bored, i knew it, so i called and we went to the drive in, you me my mom and bonnie, all to the drivein. we got so much food that night, just because of the cute guy that sold it. during the movie, we went on the roof of my mom's minivan...do you remember how we didn't fit? we had to squeeze real tight and it was a little uncomfortable.then the next day...do you remember the dent? i bet you don't remember it like i do, but i remember it like it was yesterday. i just wish that you were here to remember it with me. .... .... i wish that somehow, somewhere, you're actually reading this: even though you don't remember. __________________________ 5/24/04 Mood: Tired Music: Into Your Head - BBMak DECEMBER: Loyal and generous. Sexy. Patriotic. Active in games and interactions. Impatient and hasty. Ambitious. Influential in organizations. Fun to be with. Loves to socialize. Loves praises. Loves attention. Loves to be loved. Honest and trustworthy. Not pretending. Short tempered. Changing personality. Not egoistic. Take high pride in oneself. Hates restrictions. Loves to joke. Good sense of humor. Logical. Proudly stolen from Chris' journal, thank you Chris. ______________________________ 5/6/04 Mood: Content Music: All I Have To Give - Backstreet Boys Well, let's see, what have I done since I last updated: not alot. Hung out with Ally and Bruce today which, as always, was fun. ^_^ I can never not have fun chillin with them, its like a thing where they have to make sure everyones havin fun. SO we were chillin then we played secret agents (as I like to think of it, even though the buisness was a little bit more shady than that, and like, more illegal ^_^) but we were havin a great time with it. Me and Ally switched seats (I switched to the front seat and she switched to the back) while the car was moving around a corner. lol. they didnt want it to look suspicious that iw as in the back when ally was inside the house. shaaddyy! Then we went to McDonalds and OMG they got tons of food. Lol. I had gone to Primavera which ill talk abot in a second, so I didnt get anything but Bruce was like, "ill have three mcchickens, two large fries, a double cheeseburger without onions, and a medium coke." and he got his food then he couldnt eat the mcchicken (one of them) so he made me take it and i was like, ">.<" because hes trying to make me even fatter than i am right and so im like, "if i dont like it im giving it back to you" so i tried it and it was good i geuss. lol first time having a mcchicken ever! then we went to the gas station to get some butts and a pepsi for me. ^_^. what can i say? i hate coke, and mcdonalds sells only coke. so then we went to bruce's and played with drugs. lol. it was fun. more like just destemmed stuff, but we had fun throwing the stems around. lol. then i hadda go home though, i was sad. :( sucks havin a curfew sometimes, but i was already a half an hour late for that curfew ANYWAY. so anyway, primavera. i didnt wanna go, but bonnie wanted me to go and i hafta admit that they had good food. i was glad cuz chris went, and chris is like become a really close friend of mine that i can count on to hang out with me when no one else will, and even though he says he likes to embaress me and make me blush i know that if he knew i was truely serious he would not embaress me, cause he knows when im serious and when i dont really care. but the thing i didnt like was there were so many newswatch people there, and they made me really uncomfortable because i didnt know barely any of them, like i knew them cause hello this is freakin medway but like i didnt know know them. stayed roughly an hour, i asked to be picked up at a certain time cuz i have esp like that and knew exactly when they were gunna serve dessert: four minutes before 7:30, which is when we left so we had time to maow dessert and book with a thank you to Joe. I wish I could have talked to Joe and Sam more, but I wanted to let them socialize by themselves. Besides, I dont know what I would have said that wouldn't have sounded stupid because Sam's twin sister was there along with both their boyfriends and Joe's sister: I woulda been so nervous talking in front of all of them. So I didn't talk to Joe the whole night even though I wanted to. I didn't really talk to anyone but Bonnie and Chris and Ian, who, although he doesn't seem like it, is actually kind of intelligent and nice. Who knew? yahso yesterday during school (g period, to be exact) we were celebrating cinco de mayo in spanish class. like, poeple had brought in spanish food (we had cornbread, chili, these gross spanish cookies, seven layer dip, quesadillas, and TONS of tortilla chips and salsa) and we were all maowin down when like the intercom comes on and mr.jackson's like "attention we have a code 100" and that means like, lock the doors close the windows dont let anyone in or out. so mrs,guilfoil does this and we're like oh god so like we're all nervous then hass comes to the door and (in her vice-principal voice) says we hafta evacuate. so everyone grabs allt he food they can carry: meanwhile, me being basically a huge moron my hands shaking cuz im nervous and i spill my pepsi everywhere at that exact moment, so everyones evacuating and me, chris davis, and mrs.guilfoil are like scrambling to clean this pepsi up and evacuate and grab all the food and stuff. the pepsi got all over my book. so yah the pipes broke or somethin. apparantly the halls were flooded and the toilets were overflowing? there was...bodily wastes everywhere, i heard. but wehad school next day, nonetheless,however i did not use the bathroom. we got ot ten minutes early for that though. me and ally hafta go clothes shopping reeeally soon: im getting desperate, here! need clothes: but when can i go? i hafta work fri and sat! grar! and next saturday my day off bruce has this whole day planned apparantly even though i just told them today, ally and bruce have this big day planned already. which is...kinda nice, in a way. :) oh, by the way, the override passed! we've going into the new school next year, we wont have to stay in this craphole anymore. i will miss it though, the new high school just doesnt seem as...homey or familiar as the old one, even if it is falling apart and overcrowded. today there was actually a presentation from sadd: like, im in sadd, but i wasnt part of this because i didnt go to the last meeting, so i didnt kow about it: it was like a thing with two screens where you basically watched a movie. it was about drunk driving and drinking in general, and i cried several times during the movie, but i got really aggrivating when people were saying stuff like, laughing it off, "oh we drink!" and like, bragging about it. seriously, if you drink, no one fucking cares. keep it to yourself cuz the only people that care that you drink are the ones that are with you while your doing it, so who you braggin to? your preachin to the frickin choir, morons! thats like you and some person standin tehre, and each of yous got a twenty dollar bill its like you freakin turnin to that person next t you and braggin bout your freakin twenty dollar bill. they got one too, smarty! no one gives a crap so SHUT UP. everyone in medway drinks, its nothin new, even the teachers know it and accept it. so like dont act like ur cool cause ur just like EVERYONE else. now that that's over, what elseto talk about? nothin, really. gotta work tomarrow, and the day after. better get to bed if im gunna wake up tomarrow. ^_^. lattaz! ______________________ 5/2/04 Mood: Satisfied Music: Yesterday's Letter - 98 Degrees FIRSTS First best friend: Well, I seriously doubt that the question was thinking about Bonnie when it asked, so I'll say Scilla. First car: uh...I don't remember? I think it was one of those conversion vans and it was blue and white. You could live in it, it was one of those types: hey, my dad WAS a hippie. First real kiss: Uh...I can't remember, sometime in Kindergarden, maybe. First break-up: Someone who knows who he is, but doesn't read this anymore. First screen name: BRZINCK400 ... my mom made it for me when we first got AOL. First self purchased album: Spice Girls. First funeral: My great-grandfather's. First pets: My family's cat, Mooch, who died last Halloween. First piercing/tattoo: Ears when I was seven. First credit card: I got an ATM card at the beginning of this year. First true love: :-/ First enemy: I dunno. First music you remember hearing in your house: oldies. LASTS Last cigarette: ..... Last car ride: yesterday coming home from work, but if you mean real car ride it'd be me, Ally, and Bruce goin to Woonsocket, yah! Last kiss: iunno. Last good cry: i havnt really had a good cry in awhile. Last library book checked out: "We Won't Go" some book about Vietnam that I hafta return. Last movie seen: Gravitation? That count? Last beverage drank: wata. Last food consumed: goin out to brekky soon! Last phone call: Thank you for calling Papa Ginos Medway, would you like pickup or delivery?. Last time showered: heh...i need a shower...*goes to shower* Last shoes worn: my black really old boots. Last item bought: ...food at Main st! Last annoyance: ....ummmm i got annoyed at work but i cant remember what for. Last time wanting to die: cant remember. Last time scolded: at work for not having my button buttoned (when i had a shirt underneath, grrr) [ series 1 ] Name: Brandy Birthday: Dec. 16th, 1987 Birthplace: uh...I'm still tryin to figure that out. Current Location: my house? obviously. Eye Color: brown! Hair Color: brown! Righty or Lefty: righty all the waay! Zodiac Sign: saggitarious. Font: iunno. *.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.* [ series 2 - your favorite ] Music: nsync savage garden bsb 98 degrees nick carter jtimberlake uuum....yah. ^^ Cartoon: Yu-Gi-Oh, Gravitation, Fake, heck, cartoons are all I watch. Color: Green... Car: my mom's green minivan. i love driving in it and riding along playing cds in shotgun. Slushy Flavor: blue rasberry. ^^ Magazine: dont read magazines too much/ TV Show: ....Seventh Heaven? I don't watch too much TV. Song at the Moment: Yesterday's Letter, 98 Degrees. Language: Japanese. Spice Girl: Geri. Food & Beverage: french fries and pepsi. Subject in School: History. Weekend Activity: goin to the mall or actually hanging out with human life. Frozen Yogurt: Vanilla. Roller Coaster: hm...I have many. probably the one I went on the most would be super man. :) *.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.* [ series 3 - what is ] Your most overused phrase: "so, anyway" First thing you thought when you woke up: Bad Luck, then Nittle Grasper's "Sleepless Beauty" piano version! Last image/thought you go to sleep with: Stupid lights. First feature you notice of opposite sex: body and hair and face. Best name for a Butler: James. Wussiest Sport: chess. Your best feature: eyes i think... Your greatest fear: spiders and sort of heights. Your greatest accomplishment: i have many. Your most missed memory: hanging out with Scilla or basically anyone else: i'm kinda a loner now. *.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.* [ series 4 - you prefer ] Pepsi or Coke: coke sucks, pepsi. McDonald's or Burger King: depends on the mood. Single or Group Dates: group. Adidas or Nike: I don't know. Chicken nuggets or Chicken fingers: fingers. Dogs or Cats: cats. Rugrats or Doug: i watched rugrats longer. Single or Taken: hmm? Monica or Brandy: well, take a wild geuss. Tupac or Jay-Z: Tupac. Shania Twain or LeAnn Rhymes: Shania Twain. Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: neither, Brisk. HAH! Chocolate or Vanilla: vanilla. Hot chocolate or Hot cocoa: Cocoa. :) Cappucino or Coffee: Coffee. *.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.* [ series 5 - do you ] Shower everyday: Mostly, except when im lazy, and/or tired. Have a crush: nope. Think you've been in love: .... Want to go to college: sure. Like high school: sure why not. Want to get married: no. Type correctly: yes, but i dont use capitals/. Believe in yourself: sure. Have any tattoos? none. Have any piercings? nope. Get motion sickness: nope. Think you're a health freak: definitely not, thats bonnies job Get along with your parents: yes, always. Like thunderstorms: yes. :) *.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.* [ series 6 - the future ] Age your plan to be married: iunno. Number and names of children: 2, close in age. Where will you be at age 20: iunno Dream wedding: inconspicuous, and surprising. How do you want to die: something exciting. Dream job: something with history. Country you'd like to visit: Japan. *.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.* [ series 7 - opposite sex ] Best eye color: dark. Best hair color: dark Short or long hair: short Best height: taller than me. Best weight: not really fat. Best clothes: bright and happy. :) Best first date location: someplace casual, where it wouldnt be too "romance" pressuring. Best first kiss location: doesnt matter. *.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.* [ series 8 - other ] Last time you slept with a stuffed animal: James Lance Bass Jr. never leaves my bed. Rings before you answer the phone: two. What's on your mousepad: the "staples" logo. How many houses you've lived in: 1 How many schools you've gone to: all the medway schools. North ("Mcgovern"), Burke, Memorial, Medway Middle and then Medway High. Bedroom carpet color: don't have a carpet. Shave your head for $5,000?: no way. Stranded on a desert island. Take three things. No people: a cell phone, a tent, a radio. Best time of your life so far: disney world. :) okay so i did that in my boredom of this weekend, because work took up my friday and saturday that i should have been clothes shopping. oh well, i went tanning ,and it looked good for exactly ONE day. w00t! then it came off. so anyway, the reason that im satisfied is that i finished my poster for oleksy, finally. its sooo gay, but what can i say, i did it in four hours. whee. now bonnie's doing hers...at 11:00 at night, and shes getting all mad and cranky abot it and all i can think is "well why didnt u do it when u were supposed to, like, earlier? when u wouldnt be so tired?" but whatever. not my place. so anyway ally called while i was doing my project and asked if iwanted to hang out. i fet soo bad for saying no, i couldnt, and snobby, too. i REALLY REALLY wanted to hang out with them, really i did, but i also really really hadda get the project done. >.< i was so upset. sometimes i just needa chill with friends who care, and dont judge me, and today was one of those days where i really needed ally and bruce. i said, "maybe tommarow?" though, all hopefully and ally paused for a second and was like, "yah, tomarrow works, too" and i was like, "woo, thats good!" all for now, dudez. hittin the hay. ________________________ 4/25/04 Mood: Dreading: don't make me go back to school! Music: If You're Not The One - Daniel Beddingfield Did you ever just get those pangs for stuff that you wish you had kept, even if you know they couldnta lasted forever? Like, you know what I'm talking about, every one of you who reads this but never talks to me. I don't care if you don't talk to me, but I know you know what I'm talking about, and I want you to think for a second: think about the stuff u wish u kept, but didn't. We all have them. What about the things you wish had happened like...what if I had moved THIS place like I was supposed ta instead of being here at this time...would I be the same person? If THIS event had not happened, would I still hang out with THIS person? Would I do this, or would I...would I...would I? Sometimes I wonder stuff like that. When old friends that seem so far away...pass you without a second glance, or never make an effort to talk to you... it's like they're even father away then they were before: almost like if you were walkin torward each other on the same side of the street, but then they crossed over, just to get away from you. Then...then there's those people youre not sure about, those friends who...call you every day, EVERY day, and ask if u wanna hang out: you love them, really, even if all you do is drive around and smoke and not do anything productive its fun cuz u get to be with them and they ACCEPT you...they accept you and they dont judge you cause in some rap song, the rapper used the word "heed" and, when a curious comment was thrown out about the meaning of the word, you were able to spout the definition without hesitation. nor do they make any comment when you don't want to smoke: or when your overprotective parents give you curfew when they get to stay out all night. i love them, really, they know who they are and even though they dont read this...i wish they did so they could see how much they really mean to me. when i was seven, i had a stuffed bear...he was big, about roughly half my size when i was seven, with a goofy red bow. id had him since id had to be in an incubator at the hospital, and i really loved him. he had a key in the back of him where you could wind him up and listen to the soft melody that the music box inside him was: even if i didnt know the name of the song, or even really recognise it. i got a new teddy bear and forgot about him, and then, months later, put him in a yardsale and he got sold away. and sometimes, no matter how stupid it may sound, or how much you may laugh at me after i say it...i cry, cry and feel so guilty about giving him away...knowing that my teddy bear now aint the same, its not the same...and all i want, at those times, is just to hear that little song that the bear used to sing and make it all better. i miss the phone calls, late at night or wicked early morning that i would get...or, if not late at night, then always at the same time of night, where the phone would ring and my parents would look up and send me a pointed look because they knew it was for me...it always was for me. i miss talking to someone about everything, EVERYTHING. no matter what it was, EVERYTHING. i regret the fact that we can't be friends now...that we never talk. that you never call, and im too afraid. im sorry things had to turn out this way...and i regret that they did. but im just so screwed up! i can't sleep now, but tomarrow's monday, and there's school again. school where i dont have a best friend...every other that ive had has grown out of me. am i that easy to ditch? or is it just that i never really get tired of anybody? i love people, really...i just wish that karma would kick in sometime and start paying me back for how damn NICE i am. ___________________________________ 4/16/04 Mood: Down Music: nothin, chillin' in the cable studio. So anyway, havn't updated in awhile. Um...so what's gone on? Well, I'm enjoying a fabulous lunch with Erin, my better friend, and Emily, my better friend. Horah. Awsome lunch. Yaaah. We're all sharing this bag of Munchies. Hooray! Lalala...I have to work today and I dont want to...On thursday of last week, Kerrie came iunto school sick and I got her cold. And strep throat. AND conjunctivitus. ALL AT THE SAME TIME! Oh yay, Kerrie and Bonnie have joined us. Lovely. I stayed out of school until Tuesday, but went back Wednesday and thursday, and today..i definitely didnt feel good on wed and thurs, but today i feel better. Jess and I wrote letters to each other in History for a creative writing assignment: we were supposed to write a letter in the POV of a soldier in the trenches of WWI. We wrote to each other in different trenches. ^^. Well, not much time left, laterQ! ______________________________ 4/6/04 Mood: Chipper Music: Nittle Grasper - Sleepless Beauty (sacred air remix) It's songs like this that make me want to learn how to play the piano so bad that I might almost make an effort. Maybe I will. Anyways, so what's happened to me? Me and Joe are talking again cause he Imed me and politely apoligised and I politely apoligised back and we were like, "*blinku, blink* *blink* *GLOMP*" teehee. Anyways, I'm not gunna say any names but...a certain situation that made me really sad/kinda mad was a moment in one of my classes where I heard two friends of mine (people who had just recently become friends, who I more avoided before). id never had the courage to talk to them, but when i did, we became friends, kind of. anyways, back to the topic, so they were talking about someone who i also wont mention the name of that person either, like, a person who i used to be BEST friends with but we're not anymore, and even though we still talk we dont really have much in common...well they were talkin about her/him and it upset me...ALOT. so i said to them, "you guys dont know her at all stop talking like that" and they stared at me for a second, but nodded. and, even though i got them to stop its like...why were u talkin about her at all cuz u dont know her and u never even tried to know her u just listed to those stupid rumors and i dont care if they were rumors rumors are rumors and well not every rumor is true why dont people just ask the person if its true and if they dont wanna tell u then you shouldnt be caring in the first place! *sigh* *takes deep breath* in other news, apparantly I have what my doctor calls "relationship anxioty". no, it's not some retarded thing that she made up to tease me, it's a real deal, and they DO give out medication for it, but no thank you, i dont want any. it goes like this: Me: i always...well, flirt with guys ALOT, but when they start to like me i always lose interest or like, dont want their attentions anymore. Me: i don't know why it is, and its weird because its only me Joe: maybe the guys you know just aren't rite for you... Joe: I flirt with tons of girls I'd never date... it just means you're flirtatous. it doesn't mean anythings wrong with you Me: yes, it does because i...i dont know i can see myself with some of these people, and can imagine myself happy with them but...i dont want it. Me: and i dont understand it,. Me: i just dont want to be like...trapped in that corner. Joe: you don't wanna be attached to someone? Me: i geuss you could say that. i dont want a person following me around and...calling me all the time that i hafta tell them where i am and that im skipping my homework to go see him or getting in stupid arguments about who'll pay or "i love you" "no u dont" "yes i do!" stupid things Me: or even really...having arguments at all because i dont like it when someones attention is focused solely on me. Me: i dont like people looking at me cause i dont feel like im worth it, and i hate it when people get really close because i dont think im pretty enough and... there u go. in a nutshell. __________________ 3/26/04 Mood: Anticipating Music: Nittle Grasper - Predilection So yah, alot's happened since I had updated (*sheepish look*) but I don't really feel like going into ALL of it. So first, um.. *thinks back* nothin really happened much after ring dance, although I didn't get the raise that I was supposed to get in March. *grumble* Annoyi-rama. As of right now, the song "Predilection" had been stuck in my head for three days, four hours, and twenty seven minutes. But, somehow, I still like it. Anyways, what else? Wednesday Final Fantasy XI came out: I wrote out detailed instructions for my mom so she could get it at the mall, but then she surprised me by coming in F period and dismissing me so I could go get it with her! Now, you may think thats a dumb reason to get dismissed, but you have NO idea how excited I was to get this game...people who havnt placed/scarcely played Final Fantasy wouldn't understand. This is BIG. So I went tp the mall and got it (106 bucks...the guy at the store made me pay TEN bucks JUST for the gaurentee that I would be able to bring it back if it didn't work: is that legal?) then I had to pay uumm...roughly ninety three dollars on a network adaptor and G35 to hook it up...so it took me three hours (roughly) to install, but when it was FINALLY installed, me and Bonnie were sooo excited to make a character, and this is what hes like: he's got black hair (obviously cause I said I wanted a dark haired guy) and apparantly really short compared to all the elves (i made him small). he's a theif, too! ^_^. geuss what his name is? bonnie will NOT let this go, so i'll say it like SHE says it, rolling R included. ANRARARARRIIIIIQUEEEEEE! Anrrique is his name. the game thought it up for me cause I was feeling uncreative. So, here's the stats: Final Fantas XI package: $106 (lousy salespeople) Network Adaptor: $40 G35: $30 EXTRA G35 once you realize the G35 you bought before was too short: $15 Keyboard: $unknown (havnt bought it yet) Stalking elves relentlessly: Priceless Running circles around those elves while they're trying to figure out what to do: Priceless I didn't get too far in the game, however, because I didnt have a keyboard and doing it on the screen is very slow! i would see a person standiong there and id go up and start typing "where do i go" to them but before i could finish theyd run away! finally i found a person more clueless than me and asked them, but they didnt know so then...get this... THEY started stalking ME! I'm gunna go buy a keyboard today: it doesnt really matter that I'm spending what other people would think is a rediculous amount of money on this game, because this is preparing me to play other interactive games if I wanted! FUN! Besides, I REALLY wanna play this game. Anyways, what else happened? Oh yah, during Wednesday apparantly some moron wrote somethin on the guys bathroom wall, and everyone had their panties in a bunch bout it. (I heard that after I got dismissed, there was an assembly...wasn't there, suckers!) What they wrote on the wall: Everyone will die on 3/25/04 Suuuure you just keep tellin yourself that. I went to school on 3/25/04...there was....ME and stapes in my art class, like, six people in my English class where usually every seat is filled, like FOUR people in oleksy, and like, five in my math class. I got dismissed after math cause DAMN it was boring, we didn't do anything all day cause no one was there. Waste of a day. On the way in, though, it was funny...gettin out of the car, I see Mike Ellis standin in the parkin lot so Im like, "who ya waitin for" and hes like, no one and starts walkin with me and Bonnie and he's got this little noisemaker in his sweatshirt. We wernt alloud to use any doors but the front one, so we hadda walk all around the school to the front door and there's like, cops every ten feet and one of the cops sees Mike's noisemaker and he's like, 'WHATS THAT!" all flippin out like and mike takes it out and twirls it and it makes noise and the guys like, 'WHAT ARE U DOIN WIT THAT!" and mike's like "...annoyin teachers". so the cop left him alone but man that cop musta feltlike an AAASS. I am officially boycotting Papa Ginos as of yesterday. yes, I know I work there, but I was tere and I was chillin with like, Bonnie and three other people and we all got french fries and HOLY SHIT there was like, a bug in them and not like even a small bug it was like, a DEAD baby roach EIIIW. I felt sick pretty much the whole time after that. They gave us more, but I...checked them all first. EIIIIIIW. I am not going to write about Joe in my journal: there's nothing to say except that we are officially not talking. the END. update more latta. ________________________ 3/9/04 Mood: Calm Music: Jesse Spencer - Sheets of Egyptian Cotton Strange how that song gets stuck in your head. Ships crossing like ghosts In the night Names are remembered Faces in sight Take what we can and Need to survive Was exchanging kisses And you Leave me scarred And confused I�ll wait and see What unfolds Don�t have what I need Girl how I love you so Na na na na na na na na Sheets of Egyptian cotton Na na na na na na na na Sheets of Egyptian cotton Na na na na na na na na Sheets of Egyptian cotton Na na na na na na na na Sheets of Egyptian cotton Motionless raptures Reveal the give and take Become what�s real Leave only memories that We steal Eyes passing glances For games What time remembers Seconds forget I�ll wait and see What unfolds Don�t have what I need Come now I love you so Na na na na na na na na Sheets of Egyptian cotton Na na na na na na na na Sheets of Egyptian cotton Na na na na na na na na Sheets of Egyptian cotton Na na na na na na na na Sheets of Egyptian cotton Let your feelings reveal The naked truth Convey what I need Cause you know I needed to Now my feeling is ready To uncover you I wanna feel my warmth Near close to you Girl don�t you be so cold Whee, song lyrics are always fun, espessually from movies that Brandy wants to buy but has no money to be doing so. Uptown Girls is the best movie since On The Line. ^_^. Hehe... "It all started with this girl at a party..." *dreamy sigh* woops, anyways, what was i saying? okay, so, ring dance, I promised I'd tell you all about it. Guys I danced with, cause I know that's the question on the tip of your tongue: Nick (Erin's date, I felt so bad for her cause she had cramps), Chris Davis (fun times TRYIN to chacha), other Chris Burns (he's so incredibly nice, sometimes i wonder if he's faking), Mike G (randomly, lol), Bren, Greg, Laura (Raggie...we slow danced ;-P) and um...can't think of anyone else, I just kinda danced with anyone. *shrug* Rebecca sat around all night, just like she said she would: it was okay though I mean, I knew she was going to so I wasn't expecting her to dance on every song like I did...however I did expect her to at least get up in her seat and humor me a little...but oh well. Her and I had a nice, relaxing walk to the food table, and she looked really great! ^_^ Everyone looked really great, if not, well, expensive. carefully picked out dresses with hair that was all gelled up and sparkley cause someone else did it and makeup that someone else did and stuff...made me feel kinda cheap and stuff cause i did my own hair and makeup, and borrowed the dress the day before. oooh well. I was very surprised that (although its not my place to say) Sarah and Julia Armet didn't have dates, just like me and Bonnie didn't. And they seemed really happy with it, too, like not upset: it kinda made me look at them different, cause like, I always kinda thought that we were practically from like differant planets but maybe we (not just them two, but like, every one in the class) actualy have more in common then I once thought. I, of course, felt kinda bad cause I was up and leavin my dad on his bday...but there's gunna be a bday dinner for him this saturday. I didn't get him anything, but I made him a sign for when he came in the house...when he saw it he started rambling about getting assisted living because of the "50" on there. it's okay, daddy, you still act like a hippie! Once again, however repetetive it may seem, i wish joe had been there. :-X. sry sry. In other news, thesis paper's finally done: I came home from school yesterday and did most of mine (except for the whole "putting it together" part) then Ker came over and we did hers. it doesnt even really matter that we were working on a thesis paper that was due the next day, and totally scorched for time. me and ker chill anyways, and still manage to have a good time. ^_^ i made a really bad cover for my mrs.oleksy thesis paper: it was like, a sloppy copy (im a poet and i didnt know it) of that painting with the guy leaning against the vietnam war memorial wall with the soldiers in the wall like, looking at him and stuff yah its that only there's just the guy and one other soldier, and the wall, then creepy stupid lookin red letters sayin my thesis statement. speaking of art, i hate still lifes, and joe and i have founded a club called the "people who suck at art" club. ahh well. in gym class ker and i cha chaed, cool style...booty dropped, cotton-eye-joed, and other such dances...i think we did the hustle somewhere, too. man, i dont sleep at nite. feel like a...anyone? thats right: sleepless beauty! *sings song* I heart Nittle Grasper. __________________________ 3/5/04 Mood: Excited/Grateful Music: Na na na na na na na na...sheets of Egyptian Cotton... Ring dance is tomarrow: strange how I thought I didn't want to go, but days before I decided that I did in a rush and everything seems to have worked out and fit together rather nicely. For example: Girls spend months worrying and simply dying over what dress they'll get, and they can't seem to make decisions. It takes them forever. They worry about who to ask, what to wear, how to do their hair, what they'll do, bla bla bla. They've been excited about it since 8th grade. Me? i decided I wanted to go two days beforehand: in one day (Friday) i managed to pay my class dues, buy a ticket, obtain a dress (which fits like a dream...kerrie's the best friend EVER, I LOVE HER SO MUCH!), and hope desperately for a hair appointment tomarrow open. Eh, if there isn't, I'll live. I'll pull a Rebecca and straiten it myself, leave it down, no big deal. it mite not look as good, but ill live! somehow, im strangely excited about tomarrow: however, for the record, i wish that joe could be there. i still needa get some shoes. what this ring dance has cost me so far: zip. zero. zilch. nada. ill update afterward tomarrow. __________________________________ 2/29/04 Mood: Chipper Music: Step By Step - New Kids On The Block Omg, I just had like, the funnest time ever chillin with Ker. Like, we wern't even drunk or anything, but it was still soo fun: I don't even wanna know what gettin drunk with her would be like, probably a blast. For the last hour Chris came and chilled with us, too, and he's wicked cool so it was awsome talkin to him. I never actually thought I'd be talkin to him or Ker even but now I'm chillin with them and for some reason it doesnt feel lke I just met my idol or somethin it feels like I actually have friends who wanna chill. Too bad I hafta work tomarrow: we were gunna go see 50 first dates after school. Bumm! Anyways, alots happened since I last updated but like, most of its been cleared up. I've realized that I'm so totally fucked up when it comes to love, and that like, I don't even understand myself. But sometimes its okay not to know yourself cause then you can get to know yourself all over again, right? Anyways Joe called me when Ker was here, and Ker didn't seem to like him very much, and its okay, he wasn't very nice to her on the phone: but then he was liek all "I don't have time to remember all your fucking friends" and i was like, "whatever" cause like, ooh all my fuckin friends: i don't like, even ever talk about my friends, whatever. so i hung up on him, and he called back and i was like, "okay" and was gunna talk to him some more but then ker grabbed the phone and hung it up for me. I kinda felt bad for that, but i dont know his cell number off the top of my head and its 10:00 at night so im afraid that if i call his house his parents will hate me. i really do like Joe...but like i said before i have a kinda fucked up vision of love, that hasta be fixed and sorted out: and like, i dunno, hes just not really helping with it, in my opinion. i mean like everyone that ive asked says that long distance relationships dont work and last time we tried it, he dumped me and it hurt and i dont think hell be able to handle it again: i dont want him to be hurt too just because i charmed him into loving me. like a stupid slut. goddamit. and i wanna talk to someone about how im feeling but i dont know who i can talk to about it: i don't wanna talk to Ker about it cause like, i dont wanna ruin the friendship that could be awsome and fun by shoving my serious feelings in there. i always do that... and like, sometimes i just cant take it anymore and i hafta talk to someone, so i blurt out my problems to tracey but...i have a feeling thats why she never invites me to come chill with her and everyon. cause she like, thinks im no fun or whatever cause i always blurt my feelings to her but...i can be fun, at least i think so i mean im not gunna sit there and be fun by myself but if theres a buncha people bein fun with me hell ill be fun. that and i could talk to jess, but im never really serious with jess: i just crack jokes with her and i dont wanna ruin the mood by talking about serious stuff cause whenever i do, i can never get the mood back up. theres like, a buncha other people: like, people that i know read this journal but if i talked to them theyd probly just preach to me, i dont need to be preached to...i need advice. frend advice, eye to eye...i dont know where to turn. i used to turn to Joe but i don't know anymore....he hasnt been actin right, and we're not the same. i wonder what'll happen next. _____________________________________ 2/18/04 Mood: Alright Music: Gunning Down Romance - Savage Garden Love and other moments are just chemical reactions in your brain And feelings of aggressions are the absence of the love drug in Your veins Love come quickly Because I feel my self-esteem is caving in It's on the brink Love come quickly Because I don't think I can keep this monster in It's in my skin Love and other socially acceptable emotions are morphene They're morphene Cleverly concealing primal urges often felt but rarely seen Rarely seen Love I beg you Lift me up into that privileged point of view The world of two Love don't leave me Because I console myself that Hallmark� cards are true I really do I'm gunning down romance It never did a thing for me But heartache and misery Ain't nothing but a tragedy I'm gunning down romance It never did a thing for me But heartache and misery Ain't nothing but a tragedy Love don't leave me Take these broken wings I'm going to take these broken wings And learn to fly And learn to fly away And learn to fly away And learn to fly away I'm gunning down romance _____________________________ 2/9/04 Mood: Content Music: 1000 Words - Koda Kumi using band names, spell out your name well, i don't know alot of bands, so i'll spell it outta music groups i like. Backstreet Boys R...Savage Garden! A...Nick Carter? NSYNC Dave Matthews Band Yesterday's Letter, by 98 degrees? 2) have you ever had a song written about you? not me in general, but some girl named Brandy. 3) what song makes you cry? "Swear It Again" by Westlife, "Don't Wanna Miss A Thing" by Aerosmith, "My Immortal" by Evescence. 4) what song makes you happy? definitely any NSYNC, Backstreet Boys, or Savage Garden song. 5) what do you like to listen to before bed? Savage Garden. height: 4'11! hair color: dark brown. skin color: hopefully tan soon! eye color: brown! piercings: none anymore! tattoos: well there's that one on my a....woops! nevermind. r i g h t n o w what color pants are you wearing?: black work pants. ^_^ what song are you listening to?: The Rage Beat by Bad Luck what taste is in your mouth?: spagetti. ^_^ what's the weather like?: dark out. teehee. and warm, for febuary. how are you?: pretty content, although i probably shouldnt be. ^_^ get motion sickness?: yes. have a bad habit?: well, blushing, of course, and um...when i know people are looking at me, i blink too much, and stutter. get along with your parents?: always. like to drive?: kinda fun, but scary. f a v o r i t e s tv show: Gravitation (does that count?), Yu-Gi-Oh, Seventh Heaven. conditioner: Finesse Touchables...is that the kinda conditioner you were talkin about? book: The Outsiders. non alcoholic drink: water. alcoholic drink: fuzzy navel? ^_^ thing to do on the weekend: ...sitting around, playing video games. h a v e y o u broken the law: yes. ran away from home: never. why should i? snuck out of the house: yes. ^_^ ever gone skinny dipping: so what if i did? made a prank phone call: nope. ever tipped over a porta potty: no, ive never thought about it either, but if someone else did it i PROBABLY wouldnt stop laughing for about three hours. used your parents' credit card before: many times. skipped school before: yup. fell asleep in the shower/bath: nope. not quite. been in a school play: nope. they're all so horrible, id...well...be embaressed to participate. l o v e Girlfriend: ...i don't think i swing that way... sexuality: guys? children: two, close to the same age so its like a constant friend, living with you. current crush: teehee. been in love: i think so. had a hard time getting over someone: yes, very much so. been hurt: yes. your greatest regret: ...i have alot, but living in the past is never healthy: i let it go. gone out with someone you only knew for three days: oh, no! r a n d o m do you have a job: of course! it's my excuse for the lack of social life. your cd player has in it right now: Savage Garden, Nsync Celebrety, Nick Carter - Now Or Never. if you were a crayon what color would you be?: pretty pink, i suppose. I could reflect any color I would like: pink! what makes you happy: omg FOOD...um...getting that kind loved feeling when someone genuinely wants you around, in their presence...lemmie think, what else? compliments, even if they make me blush and get all flabbergasted...helping people, making other people happy, just to see other people smile, too. who makes you happiest: ...Bonnie, Joe. what's the next cd you're gonna get?: I plan to buy the Celine Dion great hits cd. w h e n / w h a t w a s t h e l a s t time you cried: over a month ago. you got a real letter?: a pretty long time ago, at least a year. you got e-mail: ....an actual email, over a year ago. porn, probably if i went and checked right now, my inbox would be stocked full. thing you purchased: facewash. ^_^ tv program you watched: Gravitation, but uh, that doesnt really count so...on the tv? Yu-Gi-Oh, two saturdays ago. movie you saw in the theater: Big Fish. y o u r t h o u g h t s o n abortion: you know, everyone is always so "stick up the ass" about abortion...its the people's decision, and we have to respect that. stop butting into people's lives about it...unless you're assosiated with or in a situation that has to do with abortion, then you should have no thoughts on it, because you have no opinion: you don't know how it feels, you don't know what that person is going through, so butt out! i know that if i got pregnant, at this day and age, at this moment i would not hesitate to get an abortion. it's all in the situation, and i hate how people are always butting in thinking they know everything about everyone and what goes on when they really don't. abortion is a sensitive issue, and it shouldn't be unless it has to do with you: if you're a sixty year old, childless woman who only has cats and you feel strongly about abortion, then just DIE already and save us all from hearing your stupid, pointless opinion. teenage smoking: again, freakin BUTT out. i won't repeat it again, because that's how i feel. it's a free country, just STAY OUT of other people's lives, you meddling assholes. spice girls: *knows every song from their first two albums, and has the sporty and scary barbie dolls* theyre awsome. they were so cool. dreams: dreams. strange, really, but i like having them as long as theyre not scary. Okay, there's just one thing that I want to say since I'm done with that poll. If you're one of the people who knows who they are, please stop liking me. Please stop telling everyone that you like me, and please tell people to stop making fun of me, because they only do it because YOU like me. And you know what? You don't even really like me. You don't know me at ALL, you don't like me, you're kidding yourself. onto another subject, because if those people don't take the hint, there's gunna be trouble (although they seem totally oblivious to hints when they ARE given)... vaca. four more days. just four more days. four more days. four. i don't think i can wait. *dies* ___________________________________ 2/4/04 Mood: Sleepy (drop dead) Music: In The Moonlight - Bad Luck Just got back from work: it was very nice because I felt like I was gunna drop dead basically the whole night. Wahoo. Art class is lame, definitely and unargumentively. Grar. I can't make collages, but im thinking about taking it home over the weekend and trying my hand at it. Worth a shot, right? Anyways, Bonnie was having trouble finding something to do for her English/History thesis paper. So is Brendan. Extremely strange, I've had no trouble...the only trouble that I'VE had is trying to choose between the multitude of differant topics that I want to do. >.< I love history. ^_^ I accidentally (chris, if you're reading this, note the ACCIDENTALLY) slammed chris' hand in a locker today. accidentally. and i apoligised like, six bajillion times but hes all like, "you owe me" and im like, first it was an accident and second i apoligise a million times. He also thinks its this huge thing that I was mean to Sean. -_- hmph. Well, anyways, might as well go do homework: math sucks, and ive got homework in that, as well as reading the horrible book that Ms. Matondi's making us choke down. All of the things that the characters say are in spanish: i mean, not that it matters, she specifically said that the spanish things that the characters say don't matter, but like...hello? to fully get INTO the story, i like to know what the hell people are saying. i think i have a history quiz tomarrow...open book. not too much trouble. then there's that bio quiz, to get us ready for the midterm...i would study, but i just...can't, somehow. i can never study for bio. its like a curse. although mr.price is one of my favorite teachers. oooh well. not in a very loving mood. no love. bad love. *cuddles kitten* damn you, gravitation. ____________________ 2/3/04 Mood: Dreadful (no history homework...) Music: Somewhere, Someday - Nsync It's strange how some of the words that make the most sense to me were said by one of the most unlikely of a person. "You know in my life I have learned many things. But in my opinion the one thing that has been taught to me time after time after time again is that love sucks. Love is like a nice apple on a tree. From the outside it looks ripe and delicious. But the truth is when you bite into it there is no feeling of warmth, no feeling of happiness, just a bunch of worms that have eaten away at what i thought was the pure, ripe, delicious center. The worms have eaten all that has been grown inside and has killed it. And because i have taken a bite of this apple the worms will now kill me. Love is like a virus. The definition of a virus is a germ thats sole purpose is to eat and multiply untill every living organism is gone and then it will move to the next object. Well love is a huge virus that eats up everything alive in you untill you have nothing left but a huge, empty, dark, hole. And then ( the worst part) it spreads to everyone else aroud you." I got that from Lambert's profile. How strange that those words make sense. I was wicked mean to the freshman that liked me...woops...oh well, he'll get over it. Later! ____________________________ 2/1/04 Mood: Peaceful Music: Eyes On Me - who the hell knows, Final Fantasy VIII? Can't get past Baralai on Final Fantasy X-2!! WAAAAA! It's kinda nice though, cause i love him, and i get to watch his cut scene over. and over. and over. teehee. such a cute lil video game character. except he's really scary when he fights. "SUFFER!" meep. anyways, today's super bowl sunday, and you know, i don't think many people will be surprised at my total and utter...LACK OF CARING! i don't understand football, i've tried, it doesn't work. i just don't like to...waste my time watching it. "oh, but you waste your time playing all those final fantasy games, brandy?" why yes, i do. there, i answered it. i also "waste" my time watching cute lil Gravitation. *clings new new backround of journal happily*. Kawaii! *_* uuum...what else is goin oooon? Oh yah, can't get past one part in final fantasy vii, so im kinda procrastinating on figuring it out...final fantasy viii i've been procrastinating on either a.) beating fujin and raijin on my first game, or b.) escaping galbadia prison in my second game. i'm not really in the mood to do wither. i could always play final fantasy x but...oh no! kiel still has it. he'll give it back to me tomarrow. ^_^ final fantasy x-2, i can't beat baralai...i could always start a new game and spring for 100 percent completion...but i don't feel like doing that either. final fantasies i and ii are kinda out, they're kinda boring...poor elder video games. gettin all dissed in my journal. kingdom hearts is always an option. who cares if ive beaten it a bajillion times? or maybe i could actually be productive and work on my biology picture book? no. well i don't have work for another three hours...and i can't wait until feb. vacation! the 13th of feb im gunna reward myself for all my hard work by going to the store and buying final fantasy xi for myself. teehee. ^_^. wanna check it out? here's the site: http://www.playonline.com it tells all about it, it looks really neat! there was SOMETHING i wanted to talk about in here...something like, that involved being all preacher-like and just ranting but...well gosh darnit, i can't remember it. oh well, maybe ill remember tomarrow. after i figure out what to do. _________________________________________ 1/24/04 Mood: Amused Music: Super Driveee! Such a cute song. Anyway, lots has happened today. So, I woke up this morning and immediately turned on Yu-Gi-Oh: it was the one where Seto finally finds the old movie projector that shows that Noah died when he was six, and that he is actually Gozuboru's son. Then there's the whole battle between Yugi and Joey and the big five, which I like better in the American cause number one you don't have to read the subtitles and number two you dont have to read the BAD subtitles. The next episode is where the Big Five turns into the ultimate five headed dragon, you know the one from the virtual world that yugi and kiaba defeted by using polymerization to merge kaiba's blue eyes ultimate dragon and yugi's dark knight to form the dark knight blue eyes ultimate dragon to kick their ass! well that comes back next episode, along with yugi and joey using polymerization to fuse their deck masters, the flame swordsman and the dark magician. i can't wait! ^_^ anyways, in other news of the even more geeky, im on the second disc of final fantasy viii once again, and heading closer and closer to fuijin and raijin. i wont be able to beat them on this one, either. oh well. alright, now the tales of the humorous but stupid: brandy's nomination to become "Microwave Queen". "There once was a girl named Brandy, who lived in a lovely house with a lovely family. One thing about Brandy, though, was that Brandy loved to eat. Eat eat eat, that was all Brandy did, and she was a happy girl, as long as she could eat. One day, Brandy decided that after a long, hard say of sitting around that she would eat some chicken nuggets, and placed the chicken nuggets into the oven. Setting the timer on the microwave for twenty minutes, Brandy then walked away from the kitchen and into the bathroom, where she proceeded to get ready for work. "My goodness..." Brandy wondered to herself, hearing a small cracking noise coming from the kitchen. "What is that noise?" After she was done getting ready, Brandy decided to investigate the cracking noise. When she walked out of the bathroom and headed towards the kitchen, however, Brandy couldn't help but cough: the house was filled with smoke! Quickly, Brandy ran into the kitchen: what she saw made her heart leap in her chest. The microwave, with flames inside of it at least a foot high ,burning the inside as Brandys eyes widened. "Oh my God, oh my God!" Brandy yelled in a panic, jumping slightly as though in doing so help would come faster. Much to Brandy's releif, however, Brandy's mom seemed to have had a small hunch that something was on fire: before she had even gotten to the staircase the loud cry of "Is there a FIRE?!" was heard before Brandy's mother was beside her, fire extinguisher in hand as her father, too, appeared beside her. "I don't know how to use this!" Brandy's mother exclaimed, flabberghasted. It was then that Brandy's father took action, fighting the fire with nothing but a wet towel until the flames had diminished. "My Hero!" Brandy's fire extinguisher-illiterate mother chirped happily. Quickly, Brandy apoligised about a billion times, before her father finally turned to her with a look that clearly stated, "o.o" "We bought that microwave when you were born." He scolded Brandy, sounding a small bit unnerved as he did so. "It was a GOOD microwave." 'Well,' Brandy couldn't help but think to herself as she gathered her chicken nuggets and walked away as fast as possible. 'We needed a new one anyway.'" That's the story behind the Zinck's new microwave...Taaadaaa: the trailor microwave, AKA: the microwave that we use when we are camping in the trailor. yipee, 25 dollar WAL MART MICROWAVES! So then, to release stress, Dad took me driving. To release stress...haa. I cut three people off, and apparantly, "almost killed my dad about five million times". He then went and recalled everything back to the commander, who refuses to drive with Bonnie or I anymore because its "her car, and her life, and her nerves are shot". Thanks alot, Mom. My confidence has sky rocketed. At work there is a new girl named Leslie, who's not actually new: she worked there before, and is just taking her job back. It's annoying cause we shouldnt be working at the same time, cause we both do the same things...but oh well. Plus: she's shorter than me. Yes, I said it, shorter than me. 4'11, "short stuff" Brandy. Shorter than me. She's like, up to my nose. I almost tripped when I first saw her. Freak. Show! Anyway, yah: which reminds me, Nina got fired. I feel like rat cause I'm the one that got her fired, but oh well. Life sucks in no man's land, which is where she was cause she never came to work ne way. So anyways, the school scene's alright: expect, as chris would like to say, "the guys trying to get with me". yah, it's annoying. being a stalker is a total turn off, okay? i DON'T want someone to follow me around. i hate it when people follow me unless i tell them to. well, im tired, gunna go to bed. night night! ______________________________________ 1/17/04 Mood: Awake...now. Music: Sleepless Beauty - Nittle Grasper SAGITTARIUS Drinking style In vino veritas -- and, for Sagittarius, in booze blurtiness: When buttered, they'll spill all your secrets and many of their own. Tactlessness aside, Sagittarius is just plain fun to drink with. This is a sign of serious partying (what else would you expect from the sign of Sinatra, Keith Richards, the Bush twins and Anna Nicole Smith?). They're the people who chat up everyone in the room, then persuade the entire crowd to travel somewhere else -- like a nightclub, or a playground, or Cancun. Good-natured hijinks are sure to ensue (including a high possibility of loopy groping; spontaneous Sag is a brilliant booty call). Trademark cocktails A travel-loving sign, Sagittarius might be intrigued by drinks like Moscow mules, Singapore slings -- perhaps even a Long Island iced tea (not a bad option, given how much Sag can put away and still stay vertical). Party monsters that they are, they're attracted to shots, like the ever-popular lemon drop. Sag rules pears, and could use a nice pear cider right about now, come to think of it. Drinking buddies The Bush twins, Margaret Cho, Noel Coward, Betty Ford, Lucy Liu, Brad Pitt, Keith Richards, Frank Sinatra, Anna Nicole Smith, Britney Spears The Body Shot, October 2003 ___________________________________ 1/11/04 Mood: Humditty hum Music: Smashing Blue - Nittle Grasper Had the longest talk with Joe today...and it was great. :D :D. At the end I told him I loved him, and he said it back...but only because me saying it "obligated him to". I explained that he shouldnt say it if he didn't mean it, and that I just felt a sudden, strong surge of love towards him, and decided to voice it. Hmph. Oh well. He also said that if I asked him to, he'd come up and take me to ring dance. It was so sweet of him, because I know how much he doesn't like dances/people/showing emotion or whatever. If I wanted to go bad enough, I'd ask him to go with me. ^_^ But...going isn't really on the top of my "things i wanna do really bad" list. Being with Joe is, though. ;-) Anyways...finished my essay for Matondi. I can't wait until we're off of Their Eyes ad onto something else, even if it is poetry. Sure, I love writing, but man I hate english class. Espessually hers. Joe encouraged me to bring out my inner geek. Is it possible? Bring out my inner geek more than I already have? Since I'm a huge whiner, I was complaining to him about friends not really acting like friends, espessually when I act like the greatest friend to them. He said...why not become friends with the geeks, and be queen of the geeks? I havn't quite thought up a witty comeback, yet. Kay, so, Scilla was telling me about her Russian lover, in great detail, and it got the two of us thinking: if this kid, with like, a broken ankle can sit and not complain (seriously, the kid never stops smiling or is never mean and never says anything negative and never complains) then can we do the same? its hard, i know, i do it alot...but scilla and i have made a deal. tomarrow, monday, january 12th, i'm going to try not saying anything negative for the entire day: if i do something nice for someone, i'm going to write it down, and if i say anything negative, im going to write it down, and then we're going to share them when we get home. it's a good idea to test ourselves and our complaining sides. how much do we really complain? i dont think i complain very often, but i might complain all the time and never know it. well, its worth a shot. until tomarrow, then! ______________________________ 1/2/03 Mood: munchy. Music: Real Emotion - Jade Bonnie...always steals the quotes before I can get them. Before I could snag the quote from Gravitation, she stole it and put it in her profile: sneaky girl. "Nobody could be unhappy doing what they love. There's no guarentee you'll achieve your dreams, and you might have to work at some lameass job to survive, but if dreams were simple, everybody would be living theirs. Someday, someone will need what you've got, and you'll see. Have a little faith in yourself and your desires. There's always time to run away later. " - Yuji, Gravitation. Yuji is Hiro's older brother, for those who havn't read/seen the series: despite his smartness (he was smart) his dream was to become an actor, despite his horrible acting abilities. He works at dead-end jobs just to support himself while he tries out for parts: just to be rejected. it's an awsome quote, paired with an awsome situation. yup. anyways, got my permit today. it may not seem it, but since christmas ive actually made three updates on my journal: just one time, the computer spazzed, and the second time, i ended up talking to joe for so long on the phone that i forgot all about it and shut down the computer without a thought. hopefully this one will go through. permit. i drove around: better than bonnie, but i havnt gone on any main roads yet. yup. it was fun: i wanna do it again. yesterday at the movies was awsome. no, not becuase of the movie: we went to see return of the king, and it was hella boring (the movie, not exactly the people i was with). so i left because my cell phone rang in the middle of it: *chuckles* it was amusing because it was on vibrate and i pick it up and go "hold on" in like, the tiniest whisper and then like, of course we're sitting in the back VERY back row soi hafta walk down all those stairs and bonnie's makin a huge racket while shes on the phone and i even put the phone in my pocket and everyone could still hear her laughing so i hadda hang up on her until i got outta the theature. it turns out kiel was over and they decided to call me, although kiel, if you're reading this i know you didnt want to call me, it was all bonnie's idea. ^_^ so i was standing there talking on the phone with all the movie guys (who flock around the customer service counter so poor people are afraid to go up and ask for help) were giving me either funny or flirtacious looks. so i was like, yah oookay and then katherine (who i havnt seen in like, ever) is like, "HEY!" and im like, "HEY!" and her friends like, "HEY!" and we were all like, "HEY!" and then the two guys they were with were like, "HEY!" lotsa heys. i said a VERY enthusiastic hey to a certain...guy... named Sean... *anime fall* but i didn't get his phone number or last name! *cries* im so dumb! but i already talked about this with joe last night. he said that maybe katherine can hook me up, but...i don't think so. i mean...i didn't ask for his number cause he's...well...too good for me, i realized. just...i don't know. too cool and good looking and...nice and he... -_- he reminded me of Lance Bass, dammit! how...how perfect can you GET?! i know he did, because once in awhile there'd be these moments where he's do something like...cross his hands on the table and lean forward as though hes interested, so i'd copy him and there'd be like...this comfortable silence where we just looked into each other's eyes. his really nice eyes that, although not green, were like lance's. his voice was similar, his eyes were, the way he sat, everything. but thats not the only reason i liked him. but i was so dumb: when i was walking out of the movie theature, he said, "i gotta go...my ride's here already" and all i did was wave and say "bye" as though i didn't care and...and.... DAMMIT I DIIIID! more than he would ever know! i talked about all this on the phone with joe last night. which brought me to another conclusion: i still like joe. ^_^. alot.why wouldnt i? but we all knew that, including joe himself, but...its okay, because i think the two of us have come down to this agreement, of some sort. in a way. don't ask me the details: i don't know them. thinking about changing the backround of my journal. hmm..but to WHAT? all for today! ________________________ 12/24/03 Mood: excited! Music: silence cause its 12:41 AM. Just got back from RotK! And all bubbly and excited cause of it. Sure, it started off a little rocky, because of...certain events involving a certain blonde haired girl that my mom informed me I wasn't alloud to place online, so we'l just skip to the movie: my favorite scene was the scene with Sam and um...well i'm not sure howta spell it like, Sheelob or somethin, the spy-er and him fightin it...it was a "SAM IS MY FAVORITE CHARACTER FOR EXACTLY FOUR MINUTES!" before the spider runs away and Merry becomes your favorite hobbit again as soon as Sam is stupid and leaves Frodo's poor, defenseless dead body to be dilapidated by our good friends the orcs. there was one part, though, in all of my confusement and bewilderment, that i began practically sobbing at: the part where the orcs are slamming against the door-thingie, and Merry and Gandalf have this small, rushed-but-meaningful little convo on like, death and life. everybody remember that? yah, well, i was the wailing retard in the left-hand corner during that scene. people dying? no tears. the emotional ending? not even an eye-water. well, okay, an eye water, but no tears. random speeches about life and death: sobbing pathetically. alriiiight...eyes off the loser, please, eyes off the loser! anyways, today was an awsome day, anyways: skipped drivers ed to go to the movies, and during school i got the novels 2 and 3 of yu-gi-oh from bren and greg. people got me lots of earrings: a hint that they do not like my earrings? i don't know. but i got lotsa them. i got brendan a hermit crabbe. we named him seymore and carried him around all day to class and played with him. ker really liked seymore: i didnt expect her to, so it was surprising. i also learned that maybe ker's boyfriend doesn't think im too big of a geek for him to talk to...he talked to me today. so, in order of periods, this is what we did today: A period: Art, watched finding nemo up until the part where Marlin and Dory part ways. B period: Chilled because Matondi wasn't here. grrrowl. I have no friends in that class, but we'll talk about that a little later. C period: "played a review game" or rather, "talked alot and chilled while occasionally getting up and either having the right answer or having the wrong answer" before finally just plainly chillin. D period: Had a party, and chilled. E period: Watched Pricey, some peeps in my bio class, and random other people that happened to stop by play "Halo" on XBox, which they hooked up to one of those huge TVs. F period: Snuck out of double bio (where they were still playing Halo, and never gave ne one else a turn) and went and chilled in the cable studio. Ahh, the cable studio: my home away from my classroom. G period: Chilled in the cable studio yet again after Guilfoil put on Nemo. Kinda tired of that movie. Tada, there we go, my day. _________________________ 12/18/03 Mood: curiouser and curiouser. Music: La Pastorella - Charlette Church Grape soda is my favoritest soda ever. :) Yum. Anywayz, last day of drivers ed for the week. Don't wanna freakin go. *pout* Oh well...If I learn to drive, we know its not impossible, because this teacher sucks so bad its barely legal. I was in a bitchy mood this morning. Not really anymore, but let me ask you something: Who in America would NOT find it the BIGGEST diss if a person asks you a question, and the moment you start to answer, they turn away and start talkin to someone else? That's right, America...you know yourselves too well: absolutely fuckin NO ONE! So yah, its perfectly understandable to be insulted. So yah, I'm still a little peeved about a situation similar to the one I spoke of happening this morning: the people who know me, know well that I cannot STAND rude people. And you know what's rude? Interrupting. Espessually to talk to someone thats NOT the person youre interrupting. WICKED rude. obviously people either a.) don't know me as well as they THINK they do, or b.) are starting to turn very, very mindless in their actions. I don't swear directly at people often, in seriousness. If I do, you made me mad. Have I sworn at you? Then you made me MAD. End of story. _______________________________ 12/15/03 Mood: Jittery Music: All I want For Christmas Is You - Mariah Carey I don't want a lot for Christmas There is just one thing I need I don't care about the presents Underneath the Christmas tree I just want you for my own More than you could ever know Make my wish come true oh All I want for Christmas is you I don't want a lot for Christmas There is just one thing I need, and I Don't care about the presents Underneath the Christmas tree I don't need to hang my stocking There upon the fireplace Santa Claus won't make me happy With a toy on Christmas day I just want you for my own More than you could ever know Make my wish come true All I want for Christmas is you I won't ask for much this Christmas I won't even wish for snow, and I I just wanna keep on waiting Underneath the mistletoe I won't make a list and send it To the North Pole for Saint Nick I won't even stay awake To hear those magic reindeer click 'Cuz I just want you here tonight Holding on to me so tight What more can I do Oh, Baby all I want for Christmas is you All the lights are shining So brightly everywhere And the sound of childrens' Laughter fills the air And everyone is singing I hear those sleigh bells ringing Santa won't you bring me The one I really need Won't you please bring my baby to me quickly I don't want a lot for Christmas This is all I'm asking for I just wanna see my baby Standing right outside my door I just want you for my own More than you could ever know Make my wish come true Baby all I want for Christmas is you All I want for Christmas is you, baby ^_^ ^_^ ^_^. Yah. 'nough said. Ahem. anyways...today was an awsome day. I gave Ian his birthday present: "Ian's Boyfriend Ken". Teehee. I think he liked it. He carried it around with him for a lil while, at least. I worked kinda hard on it: I got him an extra outfit, he came with roller blades, and I bought him some more shoes (which I put in a purple bag that I sewed myself! Taleeent!) Then I took the box and put pictures of Ian where all the pics o f Christy were, and replaced "Skate Date" with "Ian's Boyfriend". He was originally Skate Date Ken. ^_^. And all of the "Christy"s on the box were changed to "Ian"s. Hee. Anyways, I also got my bday present from Becca a day early. A Yu-Gi-Oh Manga! :D :D :D :D. Couldn't take my eyes away from it the entire day. Sunday was my bday party with the family. Diane, Mike, Kellie, Mom, Dad, Laura, Me, and Bonnie were there. Diane and Mike and Kellie got me a shirt (which I don't really like, but...I'll wear it sometime for them :)) and a sweater that is WAY too big for me, and a very very bright pink color. Eesh...it looks horrible. From Laura I got the Newsies DVD, and Bonnie: Final Fantasy VIII, and the Final Fantasy VIII strategy guide. From Mom and Dad, I got the first four box sets of Yu-Gi-Oh (meaning the first four seasons. ^_^) on dvd. Then we had ice cream cake. :D :D. I had drivers ed today, first day. basically a "getting to know you" day. Knowing that people wern't going to approach me, I talked to people: these two girls, Allison and Jen, were my first victims, in which Bonnie immediately followed my example. We made friends with them, then this kid (can't remember his name) from Millis who knew Kerri P. came in, and I made friends with hin, too. I tried making friends with the kid who sat behind me, but no matter how much I tried to talk to him, he would just respond with blunt answers, glare at me, or not answer at all. Then, at the 15 minute break, I walked over and sat with this kid who was a junior in some all guys school and talked with him: then bonnie came over and started talking too, and then the kid who I can't remember his name came over, and we all chit-chatted. It's kind of...I dunno, unnerving having Bonnie there. I couldn't really...I dunno, feel like and act like that if I wasn't friendly with them, I wouldn't have any friends: because I would have a friend, I'd always have a friend, Bonnie. We came in together, sat together: it was like, a label of: yes, she already has a friend, she doesn't need YOU. And I'm gunna hafta go there on my birthday. Fuuun. Like, everyone in the class flippin smokes. Whoo freakin hoo. All for now. Ice cream cake is good! _______________________________________ 12/10/03 Mood: Optimistic Music: Heaven - Live Final Fantasy VII is a good game. ^_^. Some parts can get annoying, though, like any Final Fantasy: you know, the parts where you have absolutely no bleeping clue where to go. Yah, okay, I have nothin to say. ________________________ 12/04/03 Mood: Chipper/uneasy Music: Atmosphere - David Galligher Okay, so, with good reason, I got cut from cheerleading. Mind you, with good reason. If I had been judging the tryouts, I would have cut myself as well. Not even kidding. It was just a really really bad tryout. After I explained all my mistakes to Bonnie...she too, agreed that she would cut me, had she been the judge. I was indeed very cuttable in my cheerleading skills...along with my entire stunt group. Meep. Kinda...unnerving, however, the realization of the fact that they've never cut anyone before this season. Arn't I lucky? Actually, in a way, I feel that I am: this way, I can be in clubs that I actually like, such as TADA or SADD and still keep my job and make money to buy pointless things like ear peircings and/or unhealthy food and/or tommy girl perfume. I could get high off of Tommy Girl perfume. Which is why I make it a custom to smell Tracey at least once a day. Me: Tracey...will you rub yourself on me? Tracey: Why? Me: I want to smell like you... Tracey: *blink* okay. Me and tracey rubbed. Yah man. anyway, not making the cheerleading squad this season was a little upsetting...during D/E period I felt a little teary...like I was gunna cry, more during E than D because in D Brendan was there to distract me (thanks, Bren! :) ) but during E he doesnt sit near me so I got all choked up...but then I realized that...ya know...we're nothing alike. All the cheerleaders, you know...like rap music and chill with friends all the time and like, stuff...they talk about guys and their sex lives and show off their bodies with their skimpy clothing and they...well what they do in their spare time i don't know, but they're not like me. I'm obsessed with Nsync, and Savage Garden...I love anything by Charlette Church, or Beetoven...I hardly ever spend time with any of my friends besides Bonnie, and Bonnie and I usually talk about...well, everything BUT guys cause I don't care and I have no sex life so i avoid the subject and I always show as less skin as possible without looking bad. Sure, I'm shallow, but...in my spare time I've managed to read a fair share of Dickens' works (almost all of his well known) and I've written a "Beginners Guide to Attractive Role Play: Complete With Examples" in Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings flavors. I watch anime and seventh heaven and, more than anything, I hate the O.C., Smallville, and Everwood. But I love Seventh heaven. I'm not a cheerleader...I'm not anyone. I'm me. And, because of that, I was kind of...a loner in the cheerleading world. I may have hung out with Erin and all of her friends, but...there was nothing there for us to connect with. It's almost like I'm on one side of the cliff, and they're on the other. The only thing connecting us is a string of dental floss named Erin, and that won't connect us very well...after all, it's dental floss. For the first time in a long time I'm content with who I am, and what I'm striving to become: I was talking with Bonnie about it, and she says, "at least you've tried". She explained to me that it's not the destination, but the journey...the more that you've tried, the more that you'll know. And the more that you know...the more that you grow. I made a ryme, guys. And at the moment, I'm perfectly satisfied with my chubby stomach: my pale legs, and my annoying eyebrows. My freakishly long hair, and the fact that my ears hurt. I'm satisfied with my insecurities...my shyness, and my boldness. I'm satisfied with my virginity, and my fear of rejection. But most of all...I'm satisfied with my satisfaction. And that is truely satisfying. maybe cheerleading tryouts wern't so bad after all. ___________________________ 11/26/03 Mood: Uneasy Music: The Game Is Over - Nysnc Today's a half day, and I left school a period early: I kinda wanted to go to the pep rally, like, but then my mom mysteriously comes in and dismisses me. Random? You're telling me. So instead of going to the pep rally I walked home with Bonnie, and we're chillin. But what's happened in the days between the 18th and the 26th? Some stuff, I suppose. Brendan missed school, I missed him, my buddy of all buddies! I went into the middle school and distrupted his sister's class...haha! I was like, "hey Brit!" even though I'm not really supposed to be in there, I wanted to go see my little sis. She showed me the picture of me in her locker: not the best picture, but I'll live. Apparantly Ian wishes to buy me a cute pink hat with a cute pink scarf. I can't decide where to go out to eat. Bonnie wants chinese, but she's also sympathetic about my paranoia of the chinese people that work in the chinese resteraunts. I've already explained to her the scenario of what would happen when we went there: at this hour, we would be the only people in there, meaning that the person at the bar would be watching us, the person at the door would be watching us, the water boys would be watching us...waiting...for a moment when we take a sip of the water so they can come and refill it. cooks peeking through the doors and seeing what we're eating, the waiter that we got flits past periodically to ask us if we need anything and then we we go to get food from the buffet thing it's like, they watch and when you take even the smallest amount of food its like, they run up and fill it back up with fresh food. but i'll go anyway. just wait for other people to be there. mm...chinese. Anyways, um...I can't wait until my birthday, although I'm not sure what to get Bonnie...she never drops any hints, which stinks cause I don't know what her material fantasies are. maybe I'll just pay for one of her bellybutton peircings or something. yah improv! or i could take her out to chinese food. *growls at bonnie, who just sprung the "you're paying" thing on her* i hate you. i also cant wait for thanksgiving tomarrow. :D :D jenny's coming from new hampshire with cory and...i don't think martine, but maybe. also, diane's coming, which isnt a surprise but i also think sean, kellie, mike, and willy are gunna be there too. maybe? not sure. i don't like willy very much. what an annoying little brat...sometimes i just wanna smack him up the head, then i realize he's only like, 3. the shaws that they're building is sooo ugly... i bet its gunna be called the "cassidy" shopping center. ha ha. that'd be amusing. so anyway, it's 11:00, so i think me and bonnie are gunna stroll down to..coffee sensations, perhaps? and get some coffee (hot choco for bon!) later! ___________________________ 11/18/03 Mood: Passive, calm, thankful Music: Drowning - Backstreet Boys Okay, one of these things: What time are you starting this?: 9:18 Name?: Brandy! Date of birth?: December 16th! Sex?: Female! Height?: 4'11! :D Eye color?: Brown! Location?: Medway...grr...stupid shaws. Where were you born?: Framingham Union Hospital, also known (now) as the Metro West hospital. Have you ever failed a grade?: More times than I can count. If you have, what grade did you fail?: oh, well there was last year, when I was failing math for a short time...then there was that time when I was failing Bio, this year, and my near-failing math grade, also this year, don't get me started on geography, or prepositions...mostly math, always math, i've never gotten a passing grade on math except for my summer reading, and the only passing grade i've ever gotten (meaning, a grade above a 61) was my formal lab writeup. Do you have crush on someone?: Nope. Well...sort of... Do you have a bf/gf?: Nope. What are you wearing right now?: Pjs! :D :D Would you have sex before marriage?: Probably not. Have you ever had a crush on any of your teachers?: Hell yah...not a serious one, but a play one...everyone does. Are you a virgin?: Sure. What are your favorite colors?: baby pinks and purples and blues. What is your favorite animal?: Turtle. I love turtles. ^_^ Do you have any birthmarks?: Mmhmm...I have a mole under my chin, although you can't see it. Have you ever gotten your ass kicked?: Yes, and it hurt. Who are your best friends?: I'd have to say I have alot of "best" friends, I suppose, but if I'd have to list them, Bonnie, Melissa, Greg, Brendan, the crew... Have you ever beat someone up?: tried...and then got beaten my ass kicked. :X Who do you talk to most on the phone?: ...Joe. Have you ever been slapped?: Yes. Are you shy or outgoing?: It may not seem it but I can be very shy, and not really outgoing when it comes to actions. Do you shower?: o.O what kind of a question is that? "do I shower"? no i don't shower, i naturally smell and look clean every day. sheesh. Do you hate school?: quite. Do you have a social life?: no, not really. i have a barely living trickle of one...kind of like a toilet that never gets used, but when you flush it, itll get adventurous, but then it slows down again. Would you ever sky dive?: if i had someone i trusted with me. Do you like to dance?: ...if I look good while doing it, and around people I'm comfortable with. Have you ever been out of state?: Many times. Do you like to travel?: Sure, as long as I look like I belong in the place, and I don't look like a tourist. Have you ever been expelled from school?: Nope. Never even gotten any demerits. Have you ever been suspended from school?: Nope. Again, no demerits. Do you want to get out of your hometown?: Quite badly, as a matter of fact. Are you spoiled?: Horribly so. Are you a brat?: Not with the parents, or even any adults besides teachers that piss me off: with my peers, however, yes, I am a very very big brat. Have you ever been dumped?: Yes. What's your favorite drink?: Sunny delight. Do you drink a lot of water?: Yes. Too much. What toothpaste do you use?: Sensidine extra whitening care? Do you have a cell phone or pager: cell phone! Who do you look up to?: my older sister, and her friends. Are you a role model?: I try to be. Have you ever been to Six Flags?: Haha, random question! Yah I like, lived there a couple years ago. What name brand do you wear the most?: Shirts and jeans, Arizona; jacket, Brandon Thomas. What kind of jewelry do you wear?: neclace with a shark on it from Florida. What do you have pierced?: ears. What do you want pierced?: tongue, bellybutton, and ears. Do you like taking pictures?: 'course. Do you like getting your picture taken?: another of course! Do you have a tan?: only during the summer, and with a struggle. Do you get annoyed easily?: only with annoying people. Do you have your own phone/phone line?: cell! Do you have your own pool?: yes indeed. Do you have any siblings?: two, and i love them both. Have you ever been played?: no, not yet. i havn't really let myself. Do you get along with your parents?: freakishly well. Have you ever run away: nope. Have you ever been fired from a job?: not yet! :D Do you even have a job?: that i do! a very bad job! Do you daydream a lot?: a little too much...as a matter of fact, i do in math class so much the teacher thought i smoked pot every day before school! everyone remember that?! Do you run your mouth?: not often, no. What do you want a tattoo of?: thumper from bambi. cutie pie. What are your favorite flowers?: violets. ^_^ What does your ex bf/gf look like?: Nice looking! :D Are you rude?: ...not often, but to certain people I'm "that bitch in the back with the carrots", according to Brendan. What was the last compliment you received?: something along the lines of "you've got an awsome personality and you're also extremely good looking". thanks Chris! :D Is your bellybutton an innie or outie?: Innie. :P Are you flexible?: When I want to be. What does your hair look like right now?: Oh god! Right at this very moment? Puff ball! but usually its very nice...very long, contemplating a cut. Could you ever be a vegetarian?: never. vegetarians are retarded. When was your last real heartbreak?: ...*shrug* If you had to completely dye your hair it'd be what color?: A dark red or light black, perhaps. Would you ever date someone younger than you?: ...don't think so...they'd have to be pretty mature... Would you ever date someone older than you?: :D the only way to go! Have you ever had an eating disorder?: none of your buisness. Do you have one now?: none of your buisness. How many rings until you answer the phone?: two...enough to get the name on caller id for later. Have you ever been skinnydipping?: *giggle* Do you look more like your mother or father?: daddy-kins. Do you ever cry to get your way?: can't say I do: I said before, I'm a brat, I always get my way. Either that, or I don't have to cry: it's called the power of the bitch. What phrase do you use most when on the phone?: "lovely", or "no way". Have you ever been chased by cops?: Nope. What do you like most about your body?: My eyes and lips. What do you like least about your body?: *sigh* do we have to go over this again? i'll say it loud and clear: MY BOOBS! I HATE MY BOOBS, OKAY! When was the last time you threw up?: last christmas vacation, when I got food poisening. In the opposite sex, do you prefer blondes or brunettes?: Brunnettes. What do the shoes you last wore look like?: My grubby white sneakers. Do you ever wear shirts to show your belly?: No cause that would look gross... What about cleavage?: ...no I already said I don't like my boobs... Is your best friend a virgin?: One isn't, not sure about the rest. Have you ever fucked someone up?: fucked someone up? i don't think so? What color are your underwear right now?: turquoise with bubbles! to the enjoyment of readers. What size shoe do you wear?: 5. What jewelry are you wearing now?: my shark necklace. :) What is your screen name on AIM?: SmileAlways888 Would you pick a wedgie in public?: *giggles* I'd probly find somewhere PRIVATE where i thought no one was watching and it would be in front of one of those "mirrors" that there are people on the other side of and they can see everything. hehe. How are you feeling right now?: calm, quiet, thankful. When was the last time you were at a party?: ...a birthday party i was doing with Papa Ginos for a bunch of 9 year olds...heh. Have you ever given a lapdance?: ...no. blunt no. What do you sleep in?: i like to have cute pajamas. What is one of your bad qualities?: flirt. What is one of your good qualities?: always there when people need me. Would you marry for money?: ...better be alot of money. What do you drive?: a really nice car, duh. or...uh...wait, was i dreaming? i cant drive yet. Are you more of a mama or daddy's child?: both. :D but more mama's girl. What does your screenname mean?: Not only do I smile almost always, (smile always) but I was hoping to remind people when they see my screen name to smile always. What's your favorite dj to read? I don't read deadjournals. When was the last time you cried in school?: Stress breakdown 2003: gym class, after progress reports. Do you wear Chucks?: whats a chuck? For two million dollars, would you pose for Playboy?: Of course. What time are you finishing this?: 9:52 Alright, now that we're done with that, what has happened? I felt really...bad today, for some reason, like guilt was eating me alive: my mom just seems so depressed because she can't work, and she looked all upset and said, "i have no money for christmas, because i have no job" and then got up and walked away so i got up and followed her and gave her a hug and said, "i don't care that you have no money you don't have to get me any christmas presents cause you're the best mom in the world." i kinda thougfht she'd react more to the words, but she didn't really even seem to hear what i'd said, which dissapointed me, cause i really do think that she's the best mom i could ever ask for: she's so great, i never have to argue with her, i never have to mouth off to her, she respects me as a person and we can have long conversations...she's like my friend but shes still my mom, and she knows me so well its just...she can tell what's going to happen before it does because she knows me that well. i mean...presents arnt what christmas is all about! christmas is about love and giving and being thankful for what you have and what god has given you: christmas is about cherishing the freedom that god gave to us by sacrificing his only son, born on christmas day. the freedom that god gave to us, when he brought that son to earth and sacrificed him...the freedom to take his name from schools, the freedom to exclude him from our words, the freedom to betray and hate each other! God gave us the freedom to have wars and kill each other and turn away from our flags as we pledge allegiance to it simply because they don't beleive that he is glorious and honorable enough for his name to be said in one SINGLE moment of one SINGLE day...it takes one SECOND of a person's time to simply say "one nation, under God". The nation is under God...the God who gave us the freedom to do all that we do, and spit in his face for being so naive! But...besides that, God gave us the freedom to sing his praise, and read his acts of miracles. He gave us the freedom to confess our sins, and learn the errors of our ways; the freedom to forgive and forget, as well as make peace among each other after the scores have been settled. By sacrificing the son that was born on Christmas day, God gave us the freedom to have the priveledge of freedom. No one seems to understand the importance...Christmas, to some people, is just a day...a day to gather around the christmas tree and open material gifts and sell merchandise from greeting card companies to make a profit. The selfishness of society today gives in to the crowd-pleasing holiday...but Christmas is not something for greeting cards to mutilate into some profit-making joke. It's a religeous celebration of the birth of our salvation, and our hope! I wish, just for this Christmas, that instead of just fretting over the amount of money people spend, take time to thank God for what he has given to us: the power to, day by day, live our lives in our own sin, and still live. And he gave this to us by Christmas Day. The birth of his son! Christmas, of course, is my favorite time of year: not because of the presents, or the manic parents who fight ferociously to obtain that toy that their child asked for...no, definitely not, that, if anything, is what I hate about Christmas. I love the magic of the Christmas hymns, and the hospitality and feeling of giving most feel is obligated to be in the christmas spirit: if everyone had this feeling all the time, there would be no quarrels, there would be no wars, there would be no one who went hungry before bed every night! So tonight, everyone, just once, can't you simply...thank God for Christmas? _______________________ 11/10/03 Mood: Fulfilled Music: I'm Not a Girl - Britney Spears Today was probably the funnest night I've had in a long, long time. I can't beleive it. Okay, so first after school I went up and developed pictures, which can be viewed in the "pictures" section...lovely. Then, after that me and Bonnie decided we wanted to go to the movies and so Laura's like, I'll drive you me and mike were going to the movies anyway. Score. So then we go to the movies, and it turns out the place was like, a friggin mosh pit, alright, I'm talking PACKED...you couldn't tell if you were in the line or out, it was so packed, and people were standing in. the. cold waiting for their tickets. And then Mike comes, and GEUSS who he's got with him. His brother, Tim. :D :D. He is so fucking gorgeous, and a HUGE flirt. Flirtflirtflirtflirtfliiiiirt! So we were all gunna go to the movies together, me, Bon, him, his friend mike, and his friend like, Jeremy or something, along with jeremy and mike's gfs (-_-). but then bonnie's like, "hey bran wanna go to chilis instead and not go to the movie" and im like... "dude, sure!" so we invited Tim but his friends didnt wanna so we went to chilis and saw Mr.Rojee on a date (hahaha...) along with Doyle walkin around with her buddies. then we went to old navy and looked at like, 1.99 shirts (shirts that cost 1.99 in like, rediculous sizes so i didnt get any) and like, then Tiff and I (oh yah I forgot, the reason we went to Chilis is cause Teresca and Tiff were gunna go and we joined em) went to Gap Body while Teresca and Bonnie went to Linens and Things. Haha. Then Teresca and Bonnie go in and like, turn on all the singing snowmen in the window. Sooo funny. So then the movie's actually out, and Laura and Mike find Suzie (who we had seen before) and her boyfriend Ben so we're like, okay...and so we're hangin out with Tim (people musta wondered why I was hangin out with this wicked hott guy) and then like, he introduced me to all his friends and we hung out with them, too! ^_^ it was so fun. then we went on a car chase: the chasers being laura, me, and bonnie (me in the passanger seat, blaring Brand New) and the chasee being Mike, Tim, Jeremy, and Mike in Mike's buick fogging up the windows somehow. Haha! So then we went home, but the fun's not over! Tomarrow there's no school, I plan to have some fun. ^_^ Oh! Joe called me today, and it awsomely made my day...no...week! Made my week! but we were in the middle of talking and my phone died! :( :( :(. but I just wanted to say to Joe's friend who reads my journal: thank you a lot lot lot lot LOT! i don't know who you are but you must be super nice and awsome cause you are the one that got Joe to call me cause you told him what I wrote...thank you, whoever you are! Got some of my averages for classes! Report cards dont come out till Friday, but teachers like to give us our grades so we can know whether to schedule an incineration session ahead of time. English: 78 (*pout*) History: 87 Math: 74 (summer reading saved me) Bio: 60+ (not quite sure, he said i was passing) Spanish: 78 Lovely, simply lovely...^_^. All for now, be updating later. Love! ____________________________ 11/06/03 Mood: Nervous/agitated Music: You Can Still Be Free - Savage Garden Gosh, if today wasn't bad, I don't know what has been. Well...the whole day wasn't bad. I mean...I had some good things today, but...otherwise... In math class today, since I know everyones like, "why was it bad, Brandy?". Well...not everyone...I don't know anyone who reads this anymore. ^_^ Anyway, in math class today I like, dazed out like I always do so I went up to Ms Durham and I was like, "can I stay after?" cause im better with 1 on 1 you know and shes like, "yah i need to talk to you" and im like, "ok" and so she walks over to her desk and shes like, "you know staying after isnt going to make up for the fact that you dont pay attention in class" and i was like, "okay" cause i thought she was just saying like, "no you cant stay after" so i was like, "whatever" and started to turn and walk away and shes like, "im going to say this flat out: basically, you always look stoned in my class." and me, im like: SHOCK. WHAT? but im likke, "uh...okay?" and shes like, "you cant be doing that before school" and stuff like that and i was like, "O.O" but just like, "okay" and then shes like, "espessually not before school, i mean you shouldnt be doing it at all but not before school, and youre already struggling enough" and i was like, "okay...." and left and like, then i went to talk to the guidance counselor about getting me changed from her class and shes like, "i cant change you from one teacher to the other, but i can change you down a level; this, though, cant be done till next friday" and im like, "FUCK THAT" and so i went home and told my mom and she called mr.jackson and they're gunna meet (my mom and ms.durham) and im nervous cause like, my mom often takes teacher's sides on stuff when im really right. my mom's wicked fickle. I don't want an apology; my mom says shell get mrs.durham to apoligise. i dont want a god damn apology; ive been wanting to change out of this math class for awhile, thats all i want: a diff math class. ALL I WANT. Im failing ms. Durham's class: i can pass with mrs.hanlon. i did last year. i understand her. i dont want an apology, i dont even want to talk to ms.durham about the situation, i just want OUT. but to do that, mom has to talk to ms.durham, then if they dont work it out that way shes gunna hafta talk to ms.durham and mr.jackson together, then they have to send a request through the school administration and its a huge mess that I dont want my mom to have to deal with and that i dont want to do. i. just. want. to. change. my. class. how hard is that? you know who i miss ALOT? like...so much that it hurts? Joe. i miss his phone calls and the way only i could call him cute. i miss the way he would say sorry even though i wasnt really mad. i miss the way he said my name: Braandy. and whats more, i even miss that annoying "joe treatment" that he would give me for being too talkative. i just...miss him. but he doesn't miss me, obviously...otherwise he would have talked to me or...something. *sigh* i don't want to go to school tomarrow. but im gunna have to. life suddenly sucks. alot. ______________________ 11/04/03 Mood: Content Music: I Knew I Loved You - Savage Garden Simply lovely duo, Savage Garden: I find myself growing attached to them VERY quickly. tee hee. so anyway, i found the BEST christmas present EVER for my parents to get me. four box set Yu-Gi-Oh DVDs, 12 DVDS in all, japanese with english subtitles! :D :D *dreamy sigh*. Pretty cool, huh? bout 160 bucks, or so...I'd buy it myself, but...christmas? So anyway, other than getting chubby, what else am I doing? ^_^ I don't think I am failing bio anymore, which is a VERY good thing, very good...mr.price was all delighted about the fact, so i will be too: whoopeee! i AM, however, failing math, so if there is an able-bodied, A+ math student who would want to tutor me, I am allllll....well, I can't say all ears....I hate math... I worked on Halloween...alot of hours! Actually I worked from 3 until close (11). It was a lame Halloween, but I'll get money for it, which is good. I have noticed, though...they've REALLY been cutting my hours. I went up to Papa Joe and asked him what was up: the convo went somethin like this. BRANDY: Joe? *corners PJoe in the office* PJOE: Yes, Brandy? *looks startled and slightly alarmed* BRANDY: Well...you know that I don't complain too much about things but, well...I was kind of hoping that I would be able to get a few more hours in my schedule? You seem to be cutting them. PJOE: *looks thoughtful for a moment, then begins counting money once again* you've been working here a...decent amount of time, thats right? BRANDY: yeah... *looks nervous: thinks "I'm gunna get fired...dammit..."* PJOE: Alright then. I'm upping your pay to seven. BRANDY: *looks shocked* uh...what? PJOE: I'm giving you a .25 cent raise. *mumbled aside* and I'll....trrrrrytogiveyoumorehours. Okay? BRANDY: *grin* OKAY! I should ask for more hours more often. Heh heh! Bought Finding Nemo today for...myself. Yipee! Just finished watching it over a healthy dose of History homework. Homework: one of the reasons that I'm not in drama or any other afterschool activity: I wouldn't do it. Brendan never does, and he always blames it on drama, so...no drama for me, I'm already failing enough! Bonnie left my Affirmation cd out, and it fell on the floor. Now there's a huge scratch on it and "Crash and Burn" skips. *tears* I'm heartbroken. Realized that I don't like lunch. At all. Might not go anymore, I havn't gone since last Thursday. I like seeing Rebecca every day cause I don't have any classes with her. It's fun! I'm afraid, though, if I went to her art class, she'd get very frustrated and annoyed with me. Most people uh...do. I don't know what it is about me, I geuss people just get annoyed with me. Hmph. I'm wearing pink pajamas! OH OH OH! CVS has all of their Christmas stuff up: you know what that means. Yup. I bought two boxes of Candy Canes. :D :D :D. It also means that the Christmas music goes ON. Christmas music rocks. ^_^. Although the thing in the school about not having a Christmas concert: stupid. Its not just a CHRISTMAS concert: they just call it that, ya know? Its also a Hunnukah Kwanzaa and whatever other holidays there are concert. They sing a buncha differant songs: and for Atheists: Frosty the Snowman! Of course, they could always think we were dissing eskimos... ________________________ 10/21/03 Mood: Happy :D Music: Tears of Pearls - Savage Garden You know every once in a while I shoot the breeze I spend my time I talk about silly things I like to talk about Jesus Christ 'Cos I wonder what would happen if he passed you by Would you be scared? Would you believe in him? Would you bust your asses to get him institutionalized? Well, I bet he'd be cool; I bet he'd be damn good looking I bet that he smelt divine I'm not talking about Calvin Klein's Obsession Just one of those people smell good all the time There's no reason why What would he wear? Would he wear Tommy Hilfiger? Or prefer Urban Outfitted? I don't think so Well, I bet he liked Gaultier but you'd never find him in it; I bet he liked Gaultier Lord I need your protection spend some time in my direction I need your protection spend some time in my direction I need your protection spend some time in my direction You know every once and a while I shoot the breeze I spend my time I talk about silly things And tonight I'd like to talk to you about Jesus Christ 'Cos I wonder how we'd deal if He just passed you by I bet he'd be a star I bet my star wars figures He would be a movie star A Quentin Tarantino next-big-thing Prima Donna, then He'd appear on Oprah You know what? I don't think so Could you imagine him hanging Piccadilly Circus, Times Square, The Walk of Fame At Christies He could easily become a regular D'you know what? I don't think so I bet my speeder bike he'd turn his back on all of that Lord I need your protection spend some time in my direction I need your protection spend some time in my direction I need your protection spend some time in my direction Some people have just got it You know like standing next to Elvis Presley Well then multiply that feeling by 1 million and you know whatI'm talking about Well I'll bet he was cool Man I bet that cowboy was so damn good looking Baby Random song I found inspiring and moving. Savage Garden always takes the words strait from my mouth, now don't they? _________________ 10/15/03 Mood: Content Music: Bye Bye Bye - Nsync I am very Nsync-y. I have like, eight Nsync shirts!! :D :D :D :D :D!! Happy meee! Anyways, I also um...got a 65 on Mr.Price's test, yaaay! That's good. cheer. Thank you. Anyways, ummm...what else? It was windy, so very windy out today. A very blustery day, indeed, I renamed it windsday, and proceeded to watch the Winnie The Pooh episode for that reason. hoorah. I want to go up on a baloon like piglet. i'm just a little black rain cloud...hovering over the honey tree...im just a little black rain cloud...pay no attention to little me... tracey got her hair chemically straightened and it looks cute. hoorah. But now: writing samples, by Brandy! The summer sun, high in the sky, beat down upon the grasses of Hogsmede, making it dry and prickly underneath the worn sneakers of a certain ten year old wanderer. Across the crunching grasses he walked, determinedly, of all things; his hands, clutched to his chest protectively, as though sheilding the most precious of pearls from the damage that the cruel, merciless sunlight could bring upon it by a just single slivered ray. In his hands, Walker Harrison-Swartz clutched an egg; fragile and alone, the dark-skinned boy had encountered the light-colored egg upon the sharp grass completely by accident. Furthermore, Walker was almost positive that, if he had not noticed the egg's contrast against the dark yellow of the grass, probably would have crushed it beneath the awsome weight of his steps, and, along with having to clean his shoe, would also feel the heavy weight of guilt upon him for his actions. So, underneath the beating sun and the cloudless, pale blue sky, a ten year old boy climbed the massive, powerful branches of the oak tree and, gently, carefully, and tenderly, placed the egg into its home once again. "Parting is...such sweet sorrow." Mumbled Walker to the egg, before quickly climbing down once again. "I hope you live long, and propsper, little egg..." Fin. __________________________ 10/10/03 Mood: Lazy Music: Gunning Down Romance - Savage Garden Name: Brandy! Nicknames: When people get lazy and/or affectionate they call me Bran. Birthday: 12/16! 9 days from christmas! Screen Name: SmileAlways888 Eye color: Brown Hair Color: Brown Natural Hair Color: ...brown... Who do you love/like: Lance! :D :D :D --Favorite-- Number: 8. Always 8. ^_^ Color: Pink! Place: Burger King! :D :D...or Papa Ginos...but I work at Papa Ginos... Country: USA! Book: The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton. Game: Definitely Kingdom Hearts...that was my first game on PS2, and the first game on PS2 that I beat...wait...the ONLY game on PS2 that I've beatEN... Drug: Don't have one right now. Condom: Peach pot. Movie: Treasure Planet! and On The Line. Store: Suncoast. :D :D. Magazine: o.O I don't read too many magazines, only at the grocery store... CD: all NSYNC and BSB, along with Savage Garden Affirmation. Internet activity: RPG. ---Do You--- Cut yourself: ...no. Lick yourself: I heard it was impossible to lick your elbow, but I've never tried it. Whine a lot: I only whine when I'm mad. Yell a lot: When people piss me off...you know I'm mad when I yell... Have too many friends: Hm...no...but it's the quality, not the quantity. Want to die: Hm..no thank you. Believe in life after death: Of course! I want to be reincarnated as an X-Man! Go to church: Not really. Love school: Some classes more than others. Have sex: Thats personal. Smoke: ... Do drugs: No way. Wear dark colors: Occasionally. Try to be different: Hm...that's a difficult question. Not really, to be honest. I don't really feel the need. Have any piercings: None. Break bones a lot: Never broken a bone! One I kept jumping out my treehouse window trying to break my arm (when I was like, 7 okay) and I couldn't. Watch porn: Haha...amusing question, but no. Dye your hair: Nope. ---Have you ever--- Kissed someone: That's personal. Had sex: That's personal. Frenched someone: That's personal. Attempted suicide: ... Killed someone: Every day. Shopped for condoms: Online. ^_^ Smoked: ... Gotten Drunk: ... Worn rainbow: Nope. Talked on the phone for over 3 hours: Only with Ally. Left the country: Nope... Had a party with over 30 people: Uum...nope. I dont have parties. Taken nude pictures: Hahahahaha...no. Taped yourself having sex: ...who even WANTS to know that? Stolen something: sure. Broken a bone: YOU JUST ASKED THAT QUESTION UP THERE! Ran away from home: no...well, for pretend when i was little. Burned yourself: yes. I do work at a pizza place, after all. Caught something on fire: hahahaha...no. Wanted to cheat on someone: theres a differance between wanting to and doing. Asked someone out: no. Had a dream then the next day it happens: nope. Called a porn hotline: On accident, once...^_^ ---Pick One--- Cat/Dog: Cat. White/Black: White. Hot/Cold: Cold. Far/Near: Near. Water/Land: Land. Kiss/Sex: ...smoochies... Online/Phone: Online. Beer/Book: Uuh...I dunno... Novel/Poetry: NOVEL! :D :D :D Music/Silence: definitely music. Your Perfect mate (if it was from looks): Good looking Short/Long Hair: short Tall/Short: tall Eyes: green Preppy/Dorky/Druggie: Preppy Freckles/No Freckles: freckles Hair Color: ...blonde? no...brown..no...black. one of those. Hat/No: Hat. ^_^. That way I can take it and wear it. Fat/Thin: Thin, I suppose, or in between but not fat. Makeup/No Makeup: I'd prefer if my guy didn't wear makeup. Dressy/Casual: Aww..casual...but dressy sometimes... Holding hands/Holding other body parts: holding HANDS... ---Last person--- You Touched: Err..do you count my cats? You Talked to: Laura. You Hugged: My kittys...or my mom, yesterday. You Kissed: My kittys. You Instant messaged: Brendan. You Yelled At: Travis. ---Are you--- Understanding: i'd like to say so. Open-minded: ...to some things, others, not so much... Arrogant: i don't think so... Insecure: indeed. Interesting: ...people can read me like a book, i'm not too interesting... Hungry: yes, starving. Smart: not with these grades. Moody: increasingly when people piss me off. Childish: very much so. Hard working: only when im motivated. Organized: half and half. Healthy: definitely not. Emotionally Stable: i've had my share of breakdowns, but otherwise yes. Shy: sort of. when it comes to romantic situations. Difficult: nope. not at all. Bored Easily: easily amused. Messy: not messy, just forgetful: forgetting to clean after oneself. Thirsty: yes, very. Responsible: in my opinion, yes. Obsessed: of course. with quite a few things, actually. Angry: can be, but not in front of other people. Sad: at times. Happy: always. Trusting: some people say i'm too-trusting, i say no. Ill: Ill? like...sick? no... Talkative: ...yes... Original: nope. not very much. Reliable: ...not really, in all honesty. Deep thinker: i can be. Self-disciplined: yes, very much so. I love Ebay. :D :D :D :D :D :D. So anyways, whats been going on with me? This stalker kid of mine finally got the picture...he came into Papa Ginos every time I was working and then finally he gave me his screen name, so I IMed him and agreed that I would go on a date with him but it wouldnt be a date we'd be going just as friends and he was like, "oh okay hunnie" and like, acting as though we were going out even though we'd never even been on a date before and stuff and it really creeped me out so i asked Brandon what i should do and he was like, "stay away from freaky people like that" so i was like, "ooookay" and tried to explain to him that i just wanted to be friends first and he flipped out and so i asked kenny if i should just like, let him flip out and kenny was like, "yah" so i let him flip out and he got off and i havnt talked to him since. creepy stalker kid. uuum...yah gotta try harder on my report card. i failed math bio and gym. gym i cant beleive i failed gym but i wont be failing for long and im gunna bring up that math grade. stupid math. while im at it ill try as hard as i can in bio but beleive me, i highly doubt ill pass that class considering that jim told me that a C in mr.price's class is like a B+ in any other class. on a happier note though my house is number one in the house competition. go house silly gooses! i miss melissa... anyway, i geuss im the new children's coordinator for papa ginos which means i hafta do all the birthday parties and stuff. i have one this saturday but im nervous cause i cant think of anything to do; after all, its 20 freakin 9 year olds. what do i do at a PAPA GINOS birthday party with 20 9 year olds?! thats right: i got no clue! ______________________________ 9/26/03 Mood: Lonely & depressed Music: Affirmation - Savage Garden I believe the sun should never set upon an argument I believe we place our happiness in other people's hands I believe that junk food tastes so good because it's bad for you I believe your parents did the best job they knew how to do I believe that beauty magazines promote low self esteem I believe I'm loved when I'm completely by myself alone I believe in Karma what you give is what you get returned I believe you can't appreciate real love till you've been burned I believe the grass is no more greener on the other side I believe you don't know what you've got until you say goodbye I believe you can't control or choose your sexuality I believe that trust is more important than monogamy I believe you�re most attractive features are your heart and soul. I believe that family is worth more than money or gold I believe the struggle for financial freedom is unfair I believe the only ones who disagree are millionaires I believe in Karma what you give is what you get returned I believe you can't appreciate real love till you've been burned I believe the grass is no more greener on the other side I believe you don't know what you've got until you say goodbye I believe forgiveness is the key to your own happiness I believe that wedded bliss negates the need to be undressed I believe that God does not endorse TV evangelists I believe in love surviving death into eternity I believe in Karma what you give is what you get returned I believe you can't appreciate real love 'til you've been burned I believe the grass is no more greener on the other side I believe you don't know what you've got until you say goodbye You said it, Savage Garden. _________________ 9/15/03 Mood: Excited Music: You Were Meant for Me - Jewel I just saw the Season Premeir of seventh heaven and all I hafta say is it was one of the best episodes I have ever seen. I mean...like, the episodes before were like, "see simon run. cecilia run too. they run fast" and these ones are like, "during the whole of a dull, dark, and soundless day in the autumn of the year, when the clouds hung oppressively low in the heavens, I had been passing alone, on horseback, through a singularly dreary tract of country, and at length found myself, as the shades of the evening drew on, within the view of the melancholy house of Usher" so what if i quoted Poe. Hem hem. Might change from Accelerated English and History back to standard. I don't know: Accelerated classes, to me, is like...sitting in a really uncomfortable wooden chair. and there's...basically, i've been sitting in these nice, relaxing lazyboys all my life, and then i get this strait-backed wooden chair, and i don't like it. it's uncomfortable. i like to relax, and i like to feel comfortable. i also like to get good grades, which is something i DEFINITELY will not be doing in accelerated classes. Definitely not. So I'm having a meeting with the guidance counselor...I made an appointment for wednesday. Totally off topic, however, here's a little convo between me and Amanda-bee which I found amusing: SmileAlways888: i wish simon went to our school SmileAlways888: even though he probly wouldnt date me id crush him so fast AngelBabe5587: omg if he went to our school i would die AngelBabe5587: i would stalk his ass and take pictures of him SmileAlways888: me too. SmileAlways888: OMG YAH AngelBabe5587: hes so freakin hot SmileAlways888: id be like, "love me... <3 <3 <3" AngelBabe5587: hehehe i know me too SmileAlways888: im serious you and me would be like, walking around with those little hearts floating around our heads SmileAlways888: and hearts in our eyes AngelBabe5587: hahah i know So yah, ditzy prep moments, anyone. __________________________ 9/4/03 Mood: Confident Music: Will and Elizabeth - Klaus Badelt Confidence booster! :D xkrissiebaby17x: haha u jokin me.. u have like the BEST personality! like.. ur sweet.. funny cute.. ur just a wicked outgoing happy person! wicked cute.. definitely thats why i love yah! I love Kristine! ^_^ I also love Ally. I love my confidence-boosting friends! XD ________________ 9/3/03 Mood: Rushed Music: Swear it Again - Westlife Not really much to say...the first day of school was okay...a total drag, I suppose. I mean, how are first days of school supposed to be? I have a feeling, however, that my usual teacher's pet attitude will be dropping fairly quickly, with the teachers I have, and will be staying behind with the teachers I had last year. Mr. Rojee, Mrs. Maiorana, Mrs.Costa... the teachers that loved me. Out the window...replaced with eek. I will try my hardest, however. I miss Joe. I havn't talked to him in a couple days...I know Joe doesn't read this, but maybe he does...if he is, Joe, I miss you! Nothin else, really...locker's off in east bum with no friends, so I'm like...oh. Bonnie's there though. Bonnie. :) Later. Bedtime. ^_^ ________________ 8/25/03 Mood: Tired Music: Piano Man - Billy Joel *blush* so yah, I havn't updated for awhile. And alot of stuff has happened. Um..first. I got my schedule, you know; here it is: Homeroom: TECH, Locker # 581 A - Basic Art stnd - 1 2 3 4 5 6 - Stapleton B - English II acc - 1 2 3 4 5 6 - Matondi C - W History P II acc - 1 2 3 4 5 6 - Olesky D - Math II stnd - 1 2 3 4 5 6 - TBA Math 2 E - Biology STD - 1 2 3 4 5 6 - Price F - Biology STD - 1 - Price F - Ipec 10 Girls - 2 4 6 - Lawrence F - Study Hall - 3 5 - Seidler G - Spanish II STD - 1 2 3 4 5 6 - Guilfoil so yah. i have homeroom, history, and spanish with bonnie (plus her locker is one away from mine)i have ipec with tracey, history with jess, and uh...well...laura cappobianci is in my english class, and brittany deforest is in my history class, but i dunno, I'm not really wicked close friends with either of them, ya know? So yah...Melissa and spunky came over like, last monday. they were supposed to come over on sunday, but like, i dunno, i waited ALLL DAY for them, not going anywhere because i was afraid they would come, and then like, i find out later that they went shopping or something. rather like, shopping, out to pizza, then out to mini golf. and for some reason, they were inable to pick up a phone and tell me so that i could have at least done something instead of waiting for them like the pathetic little doormat that i am. but I forgave them anyways. they came over the next day, and me and spunky played spiderman while melissa went on the computer. then when bonnie got home we all decided to go to the movies. spunk asked us why we always split up when we're together; i didnt want to say anything, but him and melissa, they always fight, its annoying to be standing there while they're fighting like, "so yah what do i do?" and like, looking stupid, you know? bonnie told them that, though, not me, and like, yah. then bonnie and spunky bought tickets to freddy vs jason, and they tried getting in with three differant teller people but they coulnt get in so they went to see SWAT instead. melissa and me just chilled; we didnt have enough money to go to the movies, so we went to mcdonalds and wal mart and stuff and chilled. then at like, 11:30 or somethin like that we walked back across the street to the movies and we were like, wonderin when the movie got out but the movies had closed, you know? so we were like, "shoot" cause we also like, needed the phone to call my mom to come pick us up but then this WICKED nice lady we told her our story (haha...i could write a novel, whee!) and she let us use her cell phone in which i proceeded to look like the amazing speed-talker because i talked like freakin speedy gonzalas cause i felt bad for using her phone. it was all like, "mom-meandmelisssa-areat-themovies-comeandpickus-upnowplease?" and my mom was all like, "what happened?" so i hadda explain it to her in speedy talk cause like, we didnt know what movie spunky and bonnie had gone into see after they failed with freddy vs jason and so then after we got off the phone we entered through the exit and went to go see; there were TWO swats. grr. we didnt know which one they were in, so we went back outside, and snuck back in quite a few times until my mom came, in which we let her go in to scold bonnie and spunky, but followed her and we all snuck back into the end of the movie. hehe. i got a whopping paycheck of 26.15. w00t. im gunna have a party. oh yah, and i went camping in cape cod. with our new trailor. it was ok, i geuss. i love camping, ya know? and we went to p-town, where i bought a nice sweatshirt. problem is, we were in cape cod, and like, i had like, two emotional breakdowns while we were there. yikes. heh. well yah, theres my update. ore later, i suppose. check ya! ___________________________ 8/15/03 Mood: Random Music: Anywhere Is - Enya Okay, I've been sitting here staring at the "update" page for a lil while now, thinking: what do I say? Nothing's happened. I went to the movies with Tracey, just her and me; it was nice, because when I didn't think she would want to go to the movies with just me, she did, and we went to the movies, bought HUGE icees (which turned our mouths blue), and had a pretty fun time. ^_^. We also played those shooting games (glad I'm not the ONLY one who LOVES to play those) and a driving game, in which... *gasp from everybody* she beat me. Well I'll be darned. ^_^ I didn't mind though. Cause its like, you know, Tracey. I actually talked with Amanda yesterday, which is surprising for me; kinda got me thinkin about how much I missed her. *hugs Amanda* her and me had some good times in History class...but I'm moving a level up, so she won't be in my class anymore. :( hmph. I kind of just want summer to end, so that I'll have something to do during my days; school and homework. But, I know that as soon as school starts, I'm going to regret that. Still, I'm both dreading and totally looking forward to getting my schedule in three days. Melissa said that she would visit on the eighteenth; the day that we get our schedules. I kind of miss her alot. *cries* I wish she would come back. She was like, my best friend. I could've told her anything. *sigh* But now she's gone and made new best friends I know. Oh gosh. Laura's playing Brightstar. *Listens to YoGi say "collect the letters of the word: Hungry"* "it will take planning to pass the 'dark demon'!" that is such an annoying game. Laura loves it, though. Woops, she died. *mimicks the guy* Let's try that one again! *little CooCoo clock sound* Ah. She died again. Here's a little conversation between myself and Erin that I thought was amusing. SmileAlways888: dude. PeRkI 10 05 02: dude PeRkI 10 05 02: my computer is talkin to me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 PeRkI 10 05 02: literally SmileAlways888: omg! no way? SmileAlways888: how?! SmileAlways888: whats it sayin?! PeRkI 10 05 02: i can't understand it SmileAlways888: is it sayin like, "hey you lazy butt, get off the computer and mosy on over to radio shack, because im feeling old and need the computer version of plastic surgery"? PeRkI 10 05 02: no PeRkI 10 05 02: i thinks it's a lil boy singing the thong song SmileAlways888: what?! SmileAlways888: thats uh...interesting? PeRkI 10 05 02: yeah SmileAlways888: strange, erin SmileAlways888: tell your computer to stop SmileAlways888: tats kinda freaky later on in the convo.... SmileAlways888: omg you know what i really want PeRkI 10 05 02: what SmileAlways888: a blue iceeeee! PeRkI 10 05 02: chocolate shake? PeRkI 10 05 02: yeah SmileAlways888: haha not a chocolate shake today! a blue icee! PeRkI 10 05 02: yeah SmileAlways888: but the only place i know where i can get one of those is the movies. SmileAlways888: buy me one while you're up there, kay? PeRkI 10 05 02: yeah PeRkI 10 05 02: im not going to the movies SmileAlways888: but youre going to uh...rosewood! PeRkI 10 05 02: yeah SmileAlways888: close to the movies, right? PeRkI 10 05 02: kinda, but my dad won't bring me there SmileAlways888: aww. silly dad PeRkI 10 05 02: yeah SmileAlways888: fine, hey erin, ya wanna go to the movies with me so i can buy a blue icee?! SmileAlways888: ill get two straws. ;-) PeRkI 10 05 02: okay SmileAlways888: hahaha! it'd like, look like we were on a date or something PeRkI 10 05 02: well yeah SmileAlways888: so erin you like, wanna go on a date with me to the movies? PeRkI 10 05 02: like yeah SmileAlways888: @---|---- look see, i even got you a rose SmileAlways888: :-P PeRkI 10 05 02: awww SmileAlways888: haha. just doing my duty as a good date! SmileAlways888: and if youre cold PeRkI 10 05 02: well yeah SmileAlways888: ill give you my jacket that im not wearing PeRkI 10 05 02: well yeah SmileAlways888: will you really go to the movies with me, though!? PeRkI 10 05 02: yeah SmileAlways888: YAY! Auto response from PeRkI 10 05 02: driving sum1 to work then i'll be back leave sum lovin...tim you think about who it was and tell me when i get back!!i love you!!!!!!.. brandy can't wait for our date! XD Go us! All for today, though. Gunna go see Freaky Friday with Erin! Check ya! __________________ 8/9/03 Mood: Apprehensive Music: On The Line - Lance Bass, Joey Fatone, Mandy Moore, Christian Burns from BBMak, and True Vibe I bought a new video game, and two new books. I bought the spiderman video game for playstation...not the ps2 one, the playstation one. *nods*. its fun, like, web slinging and stuff...i dunno, i played it in the store, like on one of those demo TVs, and it was just so much fun i bought it cause it was only 20 dollars. then i bought Nickolus Nickleby at Barnes and Noble, along with (*suspenseful silence*) The Two Towers! (*gasp from "audiance"*) yes, and i actually plan to...read it! (*another gasp*) i will i will i will. and i won't skip parts, or read the end first. im trying to get into the normal pattern of reading. even though i already read the last three chapters of Nickolus Nickleby. :P i walked to mcdonalds today from barnes and noble, because bonnie was getting off work; all of her coworkers proceeded to flip out about the differances between us and stuff, and how we were twins. they thought it was amazing. i feel really blunt today. i hate my job. as a matter of fact, i've imformed quite a few people of that. i may smile unnaturally HUGE at my job (aka, what most of you would know as brandy's "i have no clue what you're talking about, so ill just smile" smile that we all love) but i hate it. so. much. what i don't get is that the uniforms are ugly, mine looks like crap, and either guys think its amusing to hit on me, or they actually think i look good. which i dont. ever. woops, where'd my self esteem go? you'll find out after this story. i was working as usual, and i was hurrying (you know, walking fast, cause youre not alloud to run) out to do the dining room (meaning, clean the tables and stuff) while the sink was filling up (so that i could proceed to do the dishes) when this like, seriously 27 year old freakin brazillion delivery guy like, stops me. hes all like, "brandy!" and i was all like, "wha?" cause i was in a hurry. and like, keep in mind this guy is like, overly friendly like and stuff and always like, trying to talk to me and stuff and hes like, "i would like to tell you something." and im like, "uh, sure, whatever, okay." and hes like all "in my opinion, you are cute!" and im all like, "WTFREAKINFUCK!?" in my head but on the outside im like, smilin like, "thank you." but he like, keeps goin right like, "and KIND, too!" and im like, "GOD LEAMMIE ALONE!" in my head but im like, "thank you." anyways and hes like, "youre welcome!" before he walks off and im like, "aaaahhh!" *cries* i feel so violated, goddamnit. you can totally tell im upset by this cause im not using capitals. i really hate my job. i work 4-10 today. i hate those hours. i geuss ill go. my mood is definitely not too great. oh yah, and i got my paycheck. 86 something. night. *goes to bed* its liek, 1 am. __________________ 7/31/03 Mood: Tired Music: I'm Already There - Lonestar Yah so I just got home from work; I'm gunna go watch LOTR randomly. ^_^. Had a bad day at work, hafta go back tomarrow, but the upside! yes, the upside...i got a paychck of 55 dollars and 13 cents. hooray! to fill this entry ill put this survey that i stole from skip's DJ in one of my random scrollings through it...you know, not actually reading what its saying but checking for quizzes. what i do in everyone's DJ that i know (which isn't many...mainly rebeccas, skips, and bonnies). Here we go. ------ What are your opinions on (______)? If negative, why?: High School Labels: (Homosexuals): So cute...so cute... (Heterosexuals): Overused and over-appreciated. (Goths): I like goths! As long as they're not mean. (Preps): I like preps! As long as they're not mean. (Punks): I like punks! As long as they're not mean. (Druggies): I like druggies! As long as they're not mean, or make fun of me because of my lack-of-drugness. (Cheerleaders): I like cheerleaders! As long as they're not mean. Cheerleading is a fun sport. (Jocks): I like jocks! As long as they're not mean. (Geeks): I like geeks. Although sometimes they make me feel kind of stupid. (Sluts): I don't mind them; I mean, really...they could be great people on the inside, and just, you know...don't know how to show it. (Gangstas): They're funny! ^_^ Really fun to hang around with. "Types" of people and religions: (Teachers): I admire teachers. Being a teacher isn't easy...even if they can be mean sometimes. (Little kids): Kids that are little? I think they're cute...although its nervewracking, trying to act all good and perfect around them so that they'll take after you and be good, too. (Jews): I respect them for WWII. (Christians): I hate my church, but I memorize alot of bible verses because I like to know it. (Witches): I don't really know enough about them to judge. (Muslims): Kinda strait-legged...or whatever... (Buddhists): I dont know anything about it! (Mormons): A little too strict for me. (Athiests): *shakes head* Athiests are people with no hope left, so they take it away from others by trying to convince them that there is no God. (Nazis): They anger me. (Homophobes): They anger me also. (Hippies): My dad was a hippie! *hugs daddy* they're cool! ^_^ (Mental retards): Deep down I admire them for going through their life like that; always getting stares on the street or wherever they go, and not being the stereotypical "normal"...but they also scare me. I don't know why. (Canadians): I have a friend from Canadia. She's cool. (French): *is french* such a pretty language. (Japanese!): Fun! Slashy! Open-minded! Creative! Holy moly, the Japanese ROCK! Celebreties: (Mel Brooks): Funny! ^_^ (Britney Spears): She used to be good...then she got worst and worst... (Christina Aguilera): Still goin awsome! (Avril Lavigne): *makes face* (Ben Affleck): Sexiest man alive! :D (Tatu): One hit wonder. (The Beatles): After fifth grade, I've been totally uniterested in the beatles as a group, but their music is cute. (System of a Down): Err...not my style. Music: (Pop music): Now THATS my style! :D (Punk music): Like...simple plan? If yes, then...yes! (Rap/Hip-hop): Some is okay, others not so much. It depends on the message the song is sending... (Classical music): Pretty. :) (Latin music): catchy! *does little dance* (Foreign music): what kind of foreign music? like...Bbmak? Then yes. (Alternative rock): What's that? Oh well. (Heavy rock, metal): Not my type, no. Politics and Morals: (Abortion): NO! (Suicide): I prefer to keep my opinion on that matter to myself. (Drunk driving): If you dont get drunk in the first place, you won't DRIVE drunk, because you'll acually know what you're doing. (Cheating on bf/gf): I suppose in the case where your boyfriend/girlfriend was arranged for you, and you really and seriously did not like them in the slightest, and they didn't like you either, than cheating is okay. (Cheating in general): Bad bad bad. Only for the idiots that get caught... *darts eyes, and turns the huge flashing arrow away from herself* not me or anything. (The death penalty): Why let them live on in their sorry, pathetic life? If they're debating whether or not to give this person the death penalty, its obvious that they deserve to die. So kill them legally and painfully. (The war in Iraq): Don't know much about it...I could never pay attention long enough to the news. (Democrats): I'm not sure what it is, I never really bothered to learn. (Republicans): I'm not reall sure what it is, I never really bothered to learn. (Bush): Aperiham Lincoln. (Clinton): My mom says that he's the reason why teenagers these days beleive that when you have oral sex you're not really having sex at all. I say that he reminds me of a bobble-head. Bobble bobble bobble. (Love): If we love everyone, everyone will love us back. (Sex before marraige): Hm...well...its more special if you give your virginity to the person that you've vowed to be with for the rest of your life... Characteristics: (Being in style): I like to. (Looking good): A thing with me: I always have to look at least 3/4 decent. I cannot look like a total slob. Ever. Even in my own house. (Being popular): I wish I was. (Being in shape): Laziness stops me, but it'd be nice. (Always being the winner): That's be fun! Arts, Entertainment: (Pro sports): I don't really like sports. (Athletes using steroids): o.O nooo... (Ballet): Kind of boring...but tolerable. (Musicals, operas, theater): Fun if I know the songs. (Abstract art): Never really liked it, honestly. (Romance movies): Only if its something I havn't seen before...a new idea, that doesn't focus totally on the GIRL or whatever. (Horror movies): Fun! :D I love horror movies! (Books): Some. I like to read but I get bored easily. (Anime/manga): Fun! (Marvel comics): X-Men! Cool! (Star Wars I-III): I've never seen the whole of any of them...only scattered parts... (Star Wars IV-VI): I saw IV. *nods* it wasn't half bad, although I didn't understand it very well. (Star Trek): I've actually never seen it... (Lord of the Rings): The movies are cool! (Harry Potter): I love HP! The books and the movies (books more, though) (Popular teen magazines): No...they're boring... (American Idol): Kinda dumb...I never watched it myself. (Survivor): No thanks...I've never watched it. (Reality dating shows): I've never seen one. And finally: (Yourself): Hmm...I like to think of myself as: pop music. If you have no clue what I'm talking about, then I'll explain; pop music is happy, energetic, and seemingly optimistic. Like me! :D. I love pop music! _________________ 7/30/03 Mood: Happy :) Music: Once and For All - Newsies SmileAlways888: *jumps into rainbow hippie van and squeals off* SmileAlways888: *remembers she forgot her paintbrush* SmileAlways888: *squeals back, realizes aperiham lincoln could not see that his window was broken because his head is shoved too far up his ass, and sits down to have a picnic with becca and all the other protesters* StarlitRainbow13: "Don't worry, we'll get it for you!" cried James Lance Bass Jr heroically, him and his boyfriend JC suddenly appearing in Spandex superhero outfits SmileAlways888: Brandy drooled at the spandex-clad popstars, all over her poptarts which she had been eating. "My heros!" She swooned, and gestured to the picnic that she and the other protesters were currently enjoying. "Hey, you guys are gay; wanna join our picnic?!" StarlitRainbow13: "Sure!" they said, using a powerful "Lance Loves JC and that's Pretty Powerful!" spell to retrieve her paintbrush, then plopping down to stuff their faces with rainbow cupcakes Definitely my favorite story EVER. ________________ 7/29/03 Mood: Changing faster than I can type; which is pretty fast Music: Piano Man - Billy Joel Okay, I used to be really mad; then I talked to Kenny, and I'm good. I made a new backround for my journal, I think its soo cute *hugs Lancie* and I got new music, which took me forever to get on because it turns out i was doing it wrong the entire time. hmph. I feel better now. _____________________ 7/25/03 Mood: Accomplished Music: Blow Your Mind - Nick Carter Everyone at work thinks I'm strange because I sing when I wash the dishes. I'll be washing the dishes (a job of mine, which, although it doesn't seem tough, it very hard and physically strenuous) and they'll be a song in the dining room on the musicbox thingie, and I'll just sing along. For example: Brandy: *scrubs pizza pan* *hears song* *sings* ...build me up build me up buttercup, don't break me heeeeart... Brazillian cook that speaks portuguese: *gives Brandy strange look* Hott guy that Brandy just met today but doesn't know the name of: *raises eyebrow* Yes, the kid is hott. I said it. He's hott. He said two things to me the entire night, one of which I didn't hear, and the other, clear as crystal as he walked by on his way to clock out, "nice to meet you". No name. You know why? Because I didn't tell him my name. We didn't meet each other. Neither of us had the guts to talk to the other. I will eventually, because, sometime or another, we're either going to have to work together on something or I'm going to screw something up that he's gunna hafta fix; either way, its a one way ticket to TALKING TO HIM. Sean and I talked a little more today than yesterday, where he basically ignored me; I think now we may be on a "friend" basis. I think I'm on a "friend" basis with everyone I talked to: Hazel, who works at the counter, Sean, who does...well, everything, Joe, my manager, who seems to like me, and this Brazillion delivery guy who I can't understand a word he's saying, but when he tolds out his fist for one of those friendly gestures where you kinda hit your fists together (kinda like a high-fist) he directs one towards me; I'll take that as a good sign. There's also the assistant manager Seth, who says, "hello" to me every once in a while, and smiles at me when i smile at him (same with this random delivery guy that i've never talked to). The brazillion cook, although I can't seem to understand her very well, learned my name today. I'll take that as a good sign; I'll also take it as a good sign that she asked me to help her several times. The other brazillion cook simply glares at me. Grrrr, lady, grrr! Maria must be a popular name in brazil. They're both named Maria. At least to my knowledge. So, work is going well: I currently have two responsibilities that are solely MINE. No one else does them: they rely on ME for these, and it's very nice. No one intrudes on my terf, either, which I also like; it's a job that shows my reliance. I wash the dishes when they come in, and then put them away (some of them, at least) when they are dry; I also control the ENTIRE dining room. Now that's power. It's my job to clean up the dining room if it gets messy, to wash the windows in the dining room, to wipe down the tables, pick up the trays, sweep every once in awhile. It makes me feel responsible. :D What else is going on? Hm... Well, my grandmother arrived today. For the next two weeks she will be shuffled back and fourth between Aunty Di's house and our house. Goshdarnit. I only saw her for a breif time period today: before work, when I was rushing out the door, and after work, when I was stuffing my face with hot dogs. She left soon after I arrived home, however, so we did not talk. At all. Wait...I said to my dad that I cut my finger while washing the dishes, and my Uncle Mike said, "they made you wash the dishes?" and i said, "it's the only thing they let me do". He, in turn, laughed, while grandma gave me a look of pity and said, in a plain pitying voice: "oh, hunnie..." I hate my gramma. Ahem. On to other subjects. Strawberry shortcake ice cream ROCKS! I have decided on taking deliberate action in my plans: if I am bored, and have nothing to do, I am going to call someone and ask them if they would like to do anything. That is that. I've never done that before, but I am STARTING now! booyah booyah... Starting with Erin. Because I love Erin. *hugs Erin to peices* I've been trying to get a hold of Melissa for days, but she's not answering her phones or anything. Strange...hmph. Hung out with Rebecca yesterday and today. It was fun, because I missed hanging out with Rebecca. *hugs Rebecca also* whee. I'm in a hugging mood. That'll be all for now...yes...all for now. *nods* __________________________ 7/20/03 Mood: Repetetive Music: Back To Your Heart - Backstreet Boys Name: Brandy Marie Zinck Your first name Brandy has given you tenacity of purpose and has made you extremely independent. Whatever you undertake, you approach from your own point of view, and others either have to conform to your ideas or go their own way and leave you to work things out for yourself. You are so narrowly focused in your pursuits that you frequently overlook the little personal considerations and attentions that create a bond of understanding and sense of companionship. Thus it is difficult for you to merge your efforts harmoniously with others. In the home, you can inadvertently be offhand and abrupt when you would really like to show your affection. In circumstances that require a little finesse, you find that you are inclined to be too direct and straight to the point and suffer frustration in your personal relationships as a result. Tension could affect the eyes, ears, teeth, or sinuses. Frequent head colds or severe headaches are potential problems. Your middle name of Merie has given you energy, drive, and ambition, but also an almost excessively strong-willed and independent nature. While you are creative, inventive, and ingenious in practical matters, and always ready to initiate and promote new undertakings, you often experience difficulty in bringing your undertakings to a successful conclusion because of your own changing interests or changing circumstances. You become intensely involved with everything you plan to do, but the stress arising from frustrating obstacles or misunderstandings with others could prompt you to be intolerant and sarcastic in your expression, with breakdowns in congenial relations with family and friends a possible end result. Any emotional outbursts or moods would register as tension in your solar plexus, resulting in nervous indigestion and related problems. Tension could also centre in the head affecting the eyes, ears, sinuses, or teeth. True relaxation and peace of mind are elusive under this name. Aaaand they didn't have my last name. Bummer, dude. _________________________________ 7/17/03 Mood: Bored Music: Light In Your Eyes - Blessed Union of Souls Well, nothing has really happened, here...oh! besides one thing. I got the job on the SPOT. I start trainging thursday. Whoohoo! ___________________ 7/12/03 Mood: Drained Music: Where Is the Love - Black Eye Peas feat. Justin Timberlake Okay, today was a very...tiring, mentally exhausting day. But, instead of writing it all out again, I'm going to be lazy and copy and paste what I told Joe, who is the only person I have vented to about my day. Joe's screen name has been changed to Joe because I don't want all of you people who I know will IM him to take his screen name and IM him. SmileAlways888: okay so i woke up today and like, was really bored right. so melissa called me and said what are we doing and i said i dunno call erin and ask her so she called erin and we went into a chat room and figured out that we could all chill at my house. so then melissa and erin came over but it turns out bonnie had invited jess and tracey over too so we were like, havin a party at my house. SmileAlways888: but then like, they all decided they wanted to go uptown and didnt invite me or spunky SmileAlways888: so we were like, "pick us up some pizza" to their butts as they left us. JoeSchmoe: ... SmileAlways888: and so we hooked up my super nintendo and played killer instinct and learned a bunch of combos. ^_^ and after like, three hours of that they come home with like, a large pizza for us and we like, ate the whole thing Joeschmoe: that wasn't that bad.... SmileAlways888: then we played killer instinct some more only it was all of us so we all like, switched the controller around SmileAlways888: and then SmileAlways888: the trouble started JoeSchmoe: ok.... JoeSchmoe: what kind of trouble? JoeSchmoe: ... JoeSchmoe: must be big SmileAlways888: spunky bought melissa shoes and said he wanted to take them back, no, he needed to take them back, cause he had no money and needed money, you know? she should have understood, but she didn't...and then my mom said she would buy them off of spunky for me, and melissa flipped and yelled at her (that made my mom mad, my moms been like a second mom to melissa and she yells at her? not a good idea) SmileAlways888: and then she up and leaves SmileAlways888: and me and erin are like, "should we go after her" cause we were all gunna walk up to bk and buy chocolate shakes SmileAlways888: but my mom said not to SmileAlways888: so then me and erin walked ahead of spunky bonnie and tracey SmileAlways888: and then me and erin got to Bk and we bought out shakes and were leavin again when bonnie and tracey come and tell us melissa and her parents picked spunky up SmileAlways888: and like, so bonnie and tracey were alone SmileAlways888: and we were all chillin there and bonnie was really mad SmileAlways888: and like, melissa comes in and she's all upset and she starts to cry SmileAlways888: and so i bring her out side and she starts to cry SmileAlways888: and like, she gets all upset SmileAlways888: then spunky comes out SmileAlways888: and they get in this huge fight and im just pacing there like, "yeah..." not saying anything like me SmileAlways888: just listening to them fight SmileAlways888: and then like, she hugs him and he looks towards me like i have the answer SmileAlways888: and i give him a look like, "go ahead" SmileAlways888: and like, so he pulls away from her and walks inside, swearing at her before he does SmileAlways888: and me, thinkin "thats not what i meant" SmileAlways888: and so she starts to cry again SmileAlways888: and i have to sit with her for fourty five minutes of her crying and complaining about every little thing... SmileAlways888: we walked into burger king SmileAlways888: out of burger king SmileAlways888: into burger king SmileAlways888: out of burger king SmileAlways888: and then melissa got really mad cause we looked ina window SmileAlways888: and likke, spunky was sitting alone, and bonnie came and sat with him just her SmileAlways888: and she was all "hes flirting with her" SmileAlways888: and so she stormed inside saying "im gunna beat her fuckin ass" and im like, "O.O NO!" and i grabbed her arm but she ripped it outta my grasp and like, almost ran to the bathroom where bonnie was all alone and like, the only thing i could do was jump in front of her to stop her. SmileAlways888: but after that, she didnt go into the bathroom SmileAlways888: and we sat down at a booth SmileAlways888: and ally and kerri came and they were like, "whats up?" cause she was cryin SmileAlways888: and so i brought ally into the bathroom and explained it to her while kerri stayed with melissa and when we came back in SmileAlways888: melissa and kerri were with everyone else looking like, all peachy SmileAlways888: and i was like, "o.O uuuh..." JoeSchmoe: ... JoeSchmoe: drama JoeSchmoe: wow...that puts my day to shame.... SmileAlways888: its not done yet! JoeSchmoe: oh JoeSchmoe: srry SmileAlways888: s'okay, then we left burger king and went to walk around uptown, and like, bonnie tracey and erin had left so it was just me, kerri, ally, spunky, and melissa and like, then soon we left and like, then (as if this day couldnt get any worst) theres this kid who like, hated me that was there SmileAlways888: (he hates me because he asked me out and like, begged me and i was like, "i...geuss" cause like, i felt really bad for him but like, i didnt want to go out with him so i ignored all of his phone calls and then had my mom tell his mom i wasn't supposed to be dating yet. *blush* i saw him a little after that at a party and he was telling everyone i was a bitch and that he hates me) SmileAlways888: so i walked off and then they came back SmileAlways888: and i walked to melissas house and chilled there and then came back to my house SmileAlways888: where spunky was trying to make melissa apoligise for yelling at my mom SmileAlways888: (caus elike...you dont yell at my mom. its just something you DONT do) SmileAlways888: (i dont even do it, and shes like, MY mom) SmileAlways888: and finally melissa went up and said sorry and my mom didnt accept it SmileAlways888: and they left SmileAlways888: and bonnie yelled at me for trying to protect her in burger king SmileAlways888: saying that i thought she was weak and thats why i wouldnt let melissa fight her SmileAlways888: and i was like, "i jumped in front of melissa so she wouldnt go and beat you to a bloody pulp, and this is the thanks i get?!" SmileAlways888: then my mom came up and made her thank me, but i wish she'd done it on her own SmileAlways888: and now im here SmileAlways888: telling all this to you SmileAlways888: as if you're a journal or something. SmileAlways888: heh... JoeSchmoe: ... SmileAlways888: that was my day SmileAlways888: like it? JoeSchmoe: max drama One thing: Melissa does not have copious boobs, or whatever Rebecca said they were. We have the same bra size! *looks crushed* And she was wearing MY bathing suit that night! *sigh* i dont wanna be copious! i wanna be small! *sighs* all for tonite. peace. _______________________________ 7/6/03 Mood: Tired Music: None...Myrtle's tank...dripdripdripdripdrip... *sings* I just got back from vaaacation! And WHAT a vacation! Here's my vacation, cause I know ya'll care sooo much: -- Day one: departure -- After waking up late, I was deprived of my shower by my mother, and proceeded to underpack my backpack. Goooo not changing your clothes for three days! (dont worry, I borrowed clothes from Bonnie). We were then told that we would have to squeeze in the minivan. The MINIVAN. Don't make me laugh. Haha! So, after boycotting the minivan idea and forcing my mother to change her vehicle from the minivan to the newandunused!pickuptruck by a series of rather impressive arguments and sit-ins, we were on the road. I felt similar to the beverly hillbillies, as a matter of fact; stuff piled in the back of our pickup truck, and the front filled with people who simply sway the way the truck is swaying, making their necks look like they're about to break if there's no support behind them. So, it went as such: madre was driving, with Rebel in the middle seat, and Uncle Mike at the window seat. In the back was kellie behind Uncle Mike, Bonnie in the middle, and I was behind the drivers seat. Well, I'm pretty sure all went well; we stopped at Burger King because Bonnie and I wouldn't stop whining, and after that we were fine, until Bonnie realized: she had to go to the bathroom. We stopped at a rest stop, but sadly, my mom gave Rebel two ice cubes to quench his thirst (it was a rather hot day, after all) and he proceeded to puke...er...basically everywhere. It was...well, for lack of better words pretty damn gross. Then, we finally arrived at the cottage (ahh the cottage of my childhood -- i had not seen it for about five years) to see that my aunt janet (who had bought the cottage) had installed a number of ajustments to the small, humble vacation home: first off, she changed the color from yellow to blue (for the better). second, she put up a white picket fence. third...uh...she installed this SIM-like potbelly stove and swing near the corner of the yard. Straaange. Yah som, some other stuff about the cottage: two bedrooms, a living room, and a kitchen. One bedroom has a queensize bed -- the other, bunk beds. Did I mention there was NINE people staying in this house AT ONCE? Well, I just did. Madre, padre, Laura, Bonnie, cousin Kellie, cousin Sean, Uncle Mike, Aunty Di, and me. Of course, since Uncle Mike and Aunty Di used to own this cottage, they got the master bedroom, which came complete with its queensize bed, closet, fan, and tv. Laura and Kellie got the bunk beds, which were convieniantly placed in not a bedroom but the back porch, with a door and windows (it was very hot). My mom and dad claimed the living room for their air matresses; this left Bonnie, Sean, and I confused...where did that leave us to sleep, we asked our parental units. They pointed to two, two-person pitched tents in the front yard. Peachie. I like camping as well as the next person, maybe even more; I don't mind bugs that much, I'm not paranoid about them, and I don't mind sleeping on the ground or being cold. The only thing that bugged me about THIS particular "camping trip" was... the house is on a HIGHWAY! a highway infested with bullfrogs, might i add. bullfrogs that make strange noises. also, i was brought back to my winter retreat days: i shall tell you the story. once, i went on retreat with my church to a christian summer camp called camp berea (i had attended camp berea during the summer, and din't like it at ALL...i called every day, twice a day, to remind my family how much I wanted to go home) in which the pipes had been frozen because of the low temperatures. for a water supply to flush the toilet, we were forced to gather snow from outside and leave it in a large bucket in the bathroom. whenever a person needed to flush the toilet, they would have to inset their own water. because this was troublesome, and tedius, the parents on the trip brought up a rule: "if it's yellow, let it mellow: if it's brown, flush it down". we had a similar rule for this vacation. no, as a matter of fact, it wasn't similar: it was exactly the same. the plumbing is run by well water, with only a limited amount of water in the well. showers were a no-go; although i took one...two!...anyway. padre, laura, aunty di, and kellie arrived sometime after we did (actually, quite a few hours later: in the time it took them to arrive, my mother, bonnie, and i were able to join an elderly couple my mom apparantly knew from her past to a chinese food resteraunt for dinner, in which for two hours the old man critisized my state of mine)and went to bed soon after. Sean, Bonnie, and I, however, stayed up for four hours after everyone had gone to sleep, playing Uno. Although, I was tired after that time, and said I wanted to go to sleep: I was realizing how grateful I was that I didn't have to sleep in the house, considering Uncle Mike snores like a jackhammer. It was that night, however, that I realized two things: Sean snores EXACTLY like his father, and that it seriously had to be bullfrog mating season. -- Day two -- After waking up on the fourth of July, I felt no more patriotic and American than I did yesterday, when I fell asleep listening to the jackhammering noise of Sean's nasal passage, along with the lovely sounds of bullfrog mating season. I took a shower, of course; just because I wasn't supposed to, and I realized with a shiver that perhaps I should have known that well water didn't heat. Going out to the dock to tan, until I thought I was burning; I managed to jump in the lake without encountering any dead body sanctuaries made by an insane kidnapper who happens to live in a Cabin By the Lake. So call me clinche. Just do it. I truely was scared of that! Sean took us to this seafood place that took over the arcade; called The Big Catch. Honestly, though...isnt it kinda weird having a seafood place near a lake? Oh well...we got ice cream there. There were no parking spots, so, right under the nose of TWO cops, mind you, he parked behind a bunch of cars, and we went and got our stuff. They didn't even ticket him. Dummies. When it got dark, the real fun began. We went down to the beach, and I helped my dad and uncle mike shoot off fireworks like there was no tomarrow; it was awsome. Every beach surrounding ur area of the lake was shooting off fireworks; but we stole the show by shooting off the best, illegal ones. He he...my uncle got them from florida, and you're not supposed to shoot them off in Florida, but we did anyway, and got cheers from the rest of the lake, so obviously, they didn't object. It was then that IIII felt truely patriotic. Until i tried to go to sleep and couldnt because of the skinny dippers across the street at the dock. all i really heard was, "lookit that guy, he looks like he's sportin' two cherries and a twizzlers!" -- Day three -- When we woke up, we were at a loss for somewhere to go; so, my mom and aunty di took us to this place; sculptured rocks. it was a big river, with rocks you could jump off of into the river, and waterfalls and stuff. it was so cool, and we could put our heads under the waterfalls and jump off the highest rocks into the shallow river without being scared; it was so cool. we had to leave all too soon, however, but on the way home we got ice cream. and on the sleep news: the skinny dippers came back. again. -- Day four -- Got up at six, and left at like, 11:30. we got kfc, mmm! and headed home. no new change...i kinda wish i hadn't left, because it doesn't really seem like anyone missed me, or even really noticed i was gone. *sigh* how depressing. _____________________ 6/29/03 Mood: Not sure... Music: Making Christmas - The Nightmare Before Christmas SmileAlways888: i hafta get this off my chest. im really sorry if me and erin ditched you today, and really, honestly, truly, you're one of the best friends i could have ever wanted, or even dreamed of having, and i am always and forever grateful that you're my best friend. SweetAeroPrep: awwwwwwwits ok hun it just like hurt me that u would do that if were supposed to be best friends seein taht i am most likely leavin again tomorrow for another week SweetAeroPrep: and this time canat call at all SmileAlways888: im so sorryi hurt your feelings...you know i never mean to hurt your feelings, sometimes i just do it unintentionally... SweetAeroPrep: Ur one of the best friends i could ever have tahts y it bothered me that ud start off hanging out with all 3 of us and then it went to the 2 of u and iw as stuck with nothin to do ! u kno what i mean SweetAeroPrep: yah i kno SweetAeroPrep: Its ok SweetAeroPrep: I LOVE U BRANDY!! sfl SmileAlways888: like i told you yesterday, one of the great parts about friendships is being able to understand each other after dissagreements. SweetAeroPrep: yes SmileAlways888: im sooo sorry for being a bitch SweetAeroPrep: its ok....:-**hug* SweetAeroPrep: I luvz u bran SmileAlways888: you too, melissa. im wicked sorry...i felt like such a bitch after we fought and stuff. SmileAlways888: just dont forget me in salisbary, ok? SmileAlways888: im still your sista, no matter how far away we are. SweetAeroPrep: i wont SweetAeroPrep: yes i kno SmileAlways888: :-) yay SweetAeroPrep: :-):-) Little fights...hmph. We made up today though, and I'm glad. Whoo. Although I think we're going to have to do something about the fact that Erin can't hang out with Melissa...it's stressful. We'll figure something out sometime after she gets back. It's soo annoying..I want a job I swear my mom is rubbing it in my face that I don't have a job seriously. That's like, why I wanna get outta the house so bad ya know? Needa be outta this house...I HAVE TO! But where do I go when there's no where TO go? Greg and me are gunna hang out tomarrow probly. Hopefully. Thats all. ttyl! ____________________ 6/27/03 Mood: Melancholy Music: Still Frame - Trapt pointless surveys, everybody, get ready! [ basics ] Name: Brandy Do you like it: I like my first name, but my last name sucks. Like Bonnie, I hate the fact that my name only leads up to three syllables, and I think we both agree that if we were to star in a movie on television, the announcer would sound slightly rediculous saying either of our names while announcing who was acting in the movie. It sucks. Nicknames: Bran, er...Brandy. that's it. Screen names: SmileAlways888 (i've had it since I was uh...ten?) Birthday: December 16,1987 Sign: Saggitarius Location: Medway. Heh. Crush: I've never had a crush... Virgin: Yah Natural hair color: Dark brown Current hair color: The same color it always has been...dark brown... Eye color: Honey brown with a little bit of green around the pupil. Okay, so I'm making my eyes sound more interesting than they really are, but if you look close it's there. Height: 4'11 Birthplace: Framingham Union Hospital Shoe size: 5 Bra size: *blush* do I really have to put that? no, i'm not gunna... *Blushes sommore* [ family ] Parents: Michael and Denise Siblings: Bonnie and Laura Live with: all of them! *hugs them all* Favorite relative: Bonnie cause it's like havin your best friend live with you. [ favorites ] Number: Eight. To this day I will never know why I like the number eight so much but it's my "lucky" number. Color: Pink, red. yellow, white. compatible, happy colors. Day: Hmm...Friday. Month: December. I love the way it feels (the weather, the atmosphere) the way everyone is so giving, the way everyone's buying christmas trees and christmas presents (and birthday presents for meee) people are donating to the poor and working in soup kitchens, people are spending their hard-earned money on others for once, not themselves, everything is giving, it's the most wonderful time of the year! *beams, hoping she got her point across* Song: *blinkublink* I really love the song This I Promise You, by Nsync. Movie: On The Line! :-D :-D or perhaps Oceans Eleven, although that movie holds no significant importance, it's just some nice eye candy. Food: Cheeseburgers, french fries. Not to be a total perv or anything, so don't think of it that way, but I also looove hot dogs. I never ever get sick of hot dogs. Band: Nsync, Backstreet Boys. They have been, and always will be, MY bands. Season: Winter Sport: I don't really have a particular sport, I like to play my myself and not with groups; basketball, swimming, hockey, and skating. Class: English. Drink: Grape juice. Veggie: Hmm...cucumbers, peppers, celery. TV Show: Seventh Heaven (I follow that religeously), and I'm also growing quite fond of Will and Grace (slashyness ^_^) Radio Station: 102.5 ^_^ it's very nice to listen to, but in the car it's all kiss 108 and 92.3. Store: I don't have a store. Because I don't clothes shop. Dammit. I need a store! Word: I don't have a specific word, but I do spurt out phrases like "or you could NOT" very often. Animal: Hm...I never really thought about it. I've always loved wallabies. Maybe they're my animal. Flower: I love the ones that you can pick anywhere, it doesn't matter what kind; if you're walking down the street and you can pick a flower and carry it with you off the side of the sidewalk, then that's the flower I love. State: Massachusetts, Alaska, Texas, Lousiana [ this or that ] Me/You: Oh, you. Coke/pepsi: I don't particularily favor either one. Day/night: Night. There's something peaceful about night that is the total opposite of the panicking stress of day that just moves me. Aol/aim: AIM is alot better. Cd/cassette: CD! You can choose whatever track you want, and listen to it over and over without having to rewind. Dvd/vhs: VHS is kind of like an old friend...I'd feel bad if I abandoned all my VHS, but DVD is pretty cool... Jeans/khakis: I think I look better in Jeans. Khakis stain so easily! Car/truck: Car. It doesn't have to be high-quality or anything, like, you know, one of those rich-people cars, but it's gotta run and not make funny noises or smell bad, or be too ugly. Tall/short: I'm short, and I don't mind, but sometimes I wish my legs were longer. Lunch/dinner: Dinner. I always kinda thought of lunch as a pointless meal. NSYNC/BSB: YOU'RE MAKING ME CHOOSE?! YOU CANT DO THIS TO ME! Shoot...well, I've liked BSB since I was, what, six years old? I think they've impacted me alot more than Nsync has, but...hmm... "make new friends, but keep the old, one is silver, but the other's gold"...I geuss it's bsb then. Britney/Christina: Neither, really, if I had that option, but I don't, so I geuss Christina, I like her music alot better. Gap/Old Navy: I have actually never shopped at either, so I wouldn't know. Lipstick/Lipgloss: Neither, again. They're both kinda ugly looking, lipstick makes you look like a clown or something unless its skin colored or really light, and if thats the case then why wear it at all, and lip gloss is nasty and greasy and gives you pimples. Silver/Gold: Silver. I alwways thought gold was overrated. Alcohol/Weed: Alchohaul. I'm not sure why, but just...alchohaul. [ love and relationships ] Do you have a bf/gf: No. Do you have a crush: No. How long have you liked him/her: I hate it when these things like, repeat the same questions over and over again, even though I say I don't have a crush, they say "who's your crush" and "how long have you liked them?" or whatever. they're like, rubbing it in my face that i don't have one! Why do you like this person: Look, I don't have a crush, okay?! *blush* get over it! How long was your longest relationship: 0 days. I've never had a "relationship" if you're talking romantically, but if you're talking friend wise, it'd be either Bonnie who was kicking me in the womb (is that how you spell it?) or Scilla who was my friend like, the minute I was born. How long was your shortest relationship: *blinkublink* I HAVENT HAD A STUPID RELATIONSHIP! WHY DO YOU KEEP ASKING!! GET OVER IT! *takes deep breath* Who was your first love: No FREAKING comment. This survey is making me mad. What do you miss about them: I. DONT. HAVE. A. FIRST. LOVE! STOP RUBBING IT IN MY FACE! [ the past ] What is the one thing you would change about your past?: Somehow, I'd like to find a way to boost my self confidence. Last thing you heard: Beetoven's seventh symphony. Last thing you saw: *taps computer screen pointedly* Last thing you said: "hey, I was listening to that!" when kazaa switched my song from beetoven's seventh symphony to kelly clarkson. Who is the last person you saw: Bonnie. *looks to other computer* Who is the last person you kissed: Never kissed anyone. These questions are dumb. Who is the last person you hugged: Melissa. :-) Who is the last person you fought with: Err...I don't fight with people much, but I think it was Bonnie like, two weeks ago...heh... Who is the last person you were on the phone with: Melissa the day before yesterday. What is the last TV show you saw: Will and Grace. What is the last song you heard: I wanna Know by Daniel Beddingfield. [ the present ] What are you wearing: My bathing suit top with guys pac sun shorts that go down to my knees. Classy. What are you doing: Filling out the survey and watching a little condom fly back and fourth in the ad at the bottom of the kazaa. the little condom says "click me". Who are you talking to: Nobody. I was just talking to my mom about how there are no air conditioners at job lot, but thats it. What song are you listening to: Why are people asking all these SONG questions? Well, I love You Came Too Late, by Joey McEntire Are you online: Like, on AIM? no... *gets on* How are you feeling: Kinda lazy. Hehe. I won't later though...I'll go out and do laps or something to make up for it. Are you in a chatroom: Chat rooms are kinda shady. [ future ] What day is it tomorrow?: Saturday, June 28th. Mmhmm. What are you going to do after this: Go swimming. Who are you going to talk to: Bonnie. Why are people asking these questions, I'm just gunna say the same things over and over. Where will you be in 25 years: Maybe a teacher. *half smile* that'd be nice. [ have you ever ] Drank: yes, but i've never gotten drunk. Smoked: yes. Had sex: no. Stolen: *sigh* once, okay, once! it's on my guilty consience for life! Done anything illegal: i try my hardest...i'm not sure what's illegal and what's not, but i heard that mowing the lawn without a shirt on for guys is illegal in some state, i'm curious as to what's legal and not legal. Wanted to die: uh huh. but i feel very strongly about suicide, and i would never kill myself, because i think people that do are stupid and selfish unless they have a really good reason. but i won't get into that. Hit someone: never. [ other ] Do you write in cursive or print: both. depends on my mood, but both, i've been told, are very neat and legible (except for my cursive, because i have many friends who cannot read cursive). Are you a lefty or a righty: Righty. What is your sexual preference: You know...I never really thought about it... What piercings do you have: I don't have any peircings. Any tattoos: I think I've told everyone this, but I want one of thumper from bambi. ^_^ wouldn't that be cute? on my ankle or something. Do you drive: Not yet, but I'm really excited because it's comin up fast! Do you have glasses or braces: I don't have either. Did you like this survey: Not really. I didn't like all the romance questions that were very redundant, or the way it kept repeating itself. What do you most like about your body: Uh...I always liked my lips and my smile. How many fillings do you have: A couple. I can't remember an exact number. Do you think you're good looking: Well...I don't know, I mean...if I try I can be really good looking, I suppose...but I'm not, you know, gorgeous or anything. People wouldn't say to me, just randomly, "you're very good looking", and people don't hit on me whenever i walk in a room; sure, I'm insecure about my looks, but I think I have a very nice personality to make up for it, if people are willing to dig that deep. Do other people often tell you that you're good-looking: Not really. People know I don't know how to take compliments. Do you look like any celebrities: I look kinda like Bonnie, and she's a model...does that count? o.O um...I don't look like any celebreties, in my opinion. No one's told me that I have, and I don't think I do, so...I geuss I don't. ^_^ [ fashion ] Do you wear a watch: I actually can never remember to take them on and off. I had a very expensive watch from New Zealand, which my grandfather got for me, but I wore it in the shower and it stopped working. So then I got another one, and I wore it in the shower again...I just don't feel like having to take it on and off, on and off. How many coats and jackets do you own: I have a medway jacket, and a black suede that I wear during the winter. Favorite pants/skirt color: Jean or black...I geuss because when you have jean or black, you don't have to be picky about the shirt or sweatshirt you wear with it. Most expensive item of clothing: Hm...I hate clothes questions, because I have no clothes...I just recently bought a pair of pants that was 41 dollars, I think that was my most expensive besides my suede jacket, which I inherited from my mom and cost over a hundred dollars. Most treasured: I don't really treasure clothes...that's kinda dumb... What kind of shoes do you wear: I wear my black, ankle high boots with a very large heel, which make me taller. It's that, or no shoes. I don't have any others. alright, back to me. this summer is kinda repetetive. im not sure why, it just kinda...is. wake up, go tan, go swim, hot day, lalala, lather, rince, and repeat. nothing new, nothing special. I'm sorry if you were expecting something cool. Laura comes back from camp today. hooray: i didn't even miss her. at all. is that cruel? i dunno. but i didnt. it's strange, and im not sure why, i just didn't miss her, and I liked it that she wasn't here. hmm. probably cause shes a bitch to me more than half of the time she's actually here. hmm maybe. chaoi for now. tata. __________________________ 6/26/03 Mood: boisterous Music: Stronger Every Minute - David Gallagher So...I havn't updated my journal for awhile and I don't really have anything to say, because nothing significant has happened. Let's see...Melissa got back! She came over and came to my interview for McDonalds with me; the lady didn't seem to like me very much. She seemed to know that all the stories I told her when she asked me to were lies, because the questions were stupid: Bonnie didn't have to answer them, and I thought they were dumb, so I made up total and utter bullcrap as answers. Next day, today, Erin came over and we went to Dunkin Donuts and bought coolattas. The weird thing is, Bonnie and me got smalls, and Erin and Melissa got mediums, and they finished before both of us! It was hot; Erin got a sunburn, and I think I tanned a little more. We checked the bank: it was 98 degrees out. Really hot, so we came home and swam and stayed basically outside the entire time. They're still here: everyone's watching me update my journal. Hi everyone. They say hi. I was really lonely yesterday because no one was talking to me, so I downloaded a bunch of Beetoven songs. and one Motzart. Yep. It kinda seems like the people that I hung out most with during the school year totally ditch me during the summer. Erin knows how I feel, she just said so. I quote "because I do" she says. The people that I hung out with during school don't call me or anything, so Im all like, "well whatever" and I don't call them either. Haha. It's gettin stronger every minute...it's so hard to resist you giiiiirl! It's gettin stronger every miiiinnute....stronger every miiinute.... So now we're all chillin...listening to David Gallagher...like villans with Bob Dillan. yep. *bobs head* Oh! I made a SIMS house. With Melissa and Me. it was a rockin' house...but then something happened and we lost it all without saving. that sucks. oh well. Hm...I have the opportunity to get a deadjournal...or a livejournal...I have an opportunity for both...should I take it? If I do I won't be able to have music, or really cool pictures in the backround, and it won't feel as ME...I've grown attached to this journal. I'm not gunna take it. ______________________ 6/19/03 Mood: satisfied Music: Harry Potter going "flippendo!" repeatedlt on the Harry Potter pc game (which Bonnie is playing behind me) Well, I woke up late today, which I hadn't planned on doing. I had planned on going to school, but mi madre didn't wake me up. "bummer". heh. I slept until about 7:45, when i woke up and got ready for school; woke bonnie up at 8:30, because we had to be at the school at ten of ten for a physical with the "nurse". yah, about the physical: the NURSE wasn't doing it, it was a chinese GUY. he made you take off all your clothes, where he touched you HERE *points to lower, lower, almost not even stomach part of stomach* to check your PULSE. i stayed at school for about 2 minutes before walking HOME. away from that. *nodnod* yah, and greg was supposed to meet me at the school at ten, so i asked if he was here, and people said he left. way to "meet me at the school". but whatever. i didn't wait for him to come back, anyways. so there. later, skip, lauren, brendan, and kenny asked me if i wanted to meet them uptown. i said sure, and they rented the ring, which we went to brendan's house to watch. it was alot of fun, i bonded with brendan's mom and sister: brendan's mom said that if she had been in the situation i was in, she wouldnt have done the physical EITHER. so i dont feel so bad that i got in trouble with my mom for not going. and now im home, really tired. i think ill go and hit the hay. ^_^ *zzzz* ______________________ 6/17/03 Mood: Simple and clean Music: I Love You Came Too Late - Joey McIntire Ahh, new kids on the block. ^_^. whee. So anyway, today was my spanish and history finals, which I oh so royally failed. After my spanish final I started walking up to the little store with erin, was joined by brendan, then emily, then skip. we all were there, then emily and erin walked ahead on the way back, so i walked with skip and brendan (i didnt mind, i love skip and brendan!) when lauren, ian, and kenny came and we walked BACK to the little store, then back to the school once again. whee. when we got there rebecca was upset, so i gave her a hug, and i wish i could have done more, but it was time for my history final, alas. my history final was hard, but Kevin gave me a pixie stick after i was done, which i was planning to give to rebecca until it opened in my pocket; i gave it to her anyway. then i cleaned my locker of access crap, giving bonnie an early christmas present of all of my spanish papers from that year, which she happily accepted. after that, rebecca came over for a short amount of time, before we went up town and her and bonnie ate breadsticks, then we just walked around for a little bit before we walked up to the enchanted fox, where i...*blush* i used the five finger discount! meep! *hides* on two bracelets! they only costed three dollars each, and the guy was so dumb i could take them with absolutely no problem! i took one for me and one for melissa. they were the bracelets that mean something, and when they fall off, you get it. mine was gold, so when it falls off, i get confidence, and melissas was pink, so when it falls off, she gets love. i really wanted something for melissa and me to share; all of the friendship neclaces and bracelets were too expensive for both of us, so I got these...because she's leaving for salisbary tomarrow, and i'm gunna miss her alot! which is why, after rebecca's mom picked us up and then dropped us off at our house, i invited melissa over, where we spent a lovely time playing barbies with our new bracelets on. ^_^ there were two identical barbies, only one was tanner than the other and had black hair, while the other one was slightly paler and had blonde hair; they had like, identical braids in their hair and necklaces and stuff. we made them get all dressed up to go to Ozone. haha it was great. then melissa left, and here i am, chillin. I have a new "lil sista" brendan's little sister Brittany. booyah. im coaching her on hott guys: SmileAlways888: oooh johnny depp SmileAlways888: oooh orlando bloom SmileAlways888: george cloony...brad pitt....matt damen... i'm poisening her mind. MUAHAHAHAHA. So anyway, that's all for today. Physics and Math finals tomarrow, and then its over. OVER. FINALLYYYYYYY! goddamit, FINALLY! But I can't celebrate until tomarrow. Damn. ________________________ 6/15/03 Music: I'm Already There - Lonestar Mood: Optimistic/cheerful Can't get a smile off my face. Well golly gee, how do ya like that? I went swimming today, it was awsome. My pool is 40 degrees, and bonnie pushed me in. It was great! I swam for a little while, then got freezing and got out. Haha. Tomarrow's finals, and I don't have to get up until like, 9:30/10! Haha! Go sleeping in! Maybe I'll ask for some money to mosey on up to Dunkin Donuts or something. Hehe. Friday I felt loved. I left school without a pass, and with me came Krystal, Ashley, and Britty. we all chilled at my house for a little bit, before they left, when i hung out with bonnie. Hehe! :D I found out my mom's new phone isn't as simple as it seems. *darts eyes* i checked it out. she can download awesome rings and awsome games. she can even download songs from the lotr soundtrack onto her phone as rings! she's got "in da club" by 50 cent, beautiful by christina auguilara, some nsync songs, and a buncha songs, its AWSOME. i was like, O.O and all you gotta do is download them! along with games! i played wheel of fortune until the subscription ran out, and if i wanted to play it again i hadda pay money. i downloaded solitare on her phone for my mom though (it costed 4.99 for unlimited use). wheee! tried to download aol instant messanger on it. it didnt work. oh well. oh yah, i found out greg has a deadjournal, so i filled out this survey that i found while scrolling through it! neato, huh? its only cause im bored. ^_^ [[name ]] - Brandy [[nicknames ]] - Bran, Burandii-san, Ursela Bee, homie-b. [[ birthday ]] - December, 16, 1987. [[ astrological sign? ]] - Saggitarius! [[ sexual preference ]] - *blinkublink* *grin* geuss! *giggle* [[ marital status ]] - married. with three kids. mmhmm. [[ current hair color ]] - brown! err...dark brown! [[ eye color ]] - brownish gold. [[ parents still together? ]] - yup. which means i get ONE birthday present, not two. or a million. just one. [[ siblings? ]] - my clone Bonnie and my friend Laura (17) [[ pets? ]] - a turtle named Murtle, a dog named Rebel, a cat named Stewart, and another cat named Amber. [[ in school/graduated? ]] - sopmore! *w00tw00t* [[ rent, lease, or own your home? ]] - i don't pay rent! i live off other people's table scraps! mm...leftovers! [[ what do you do for work? ]] - *blinkublink* [[ how much do you make? ]] nothing. i ask my dad for money and sometimes i get it. :D [[ what do you drive? ]] i can't drive! doye! preferences [[ black and white/color ]] - black and white. pretty and old fashioned (and we all know i love old fashioned!) [[ black/white ]] - black! whee! [[ red/blue ]] - red! because its closest to pink. and my bathing suit is red. [[ dogs/cats ]] - cats. :D which is why i have two, and only one dog. [[ roses/daisies ]] - daisies always seemed more fun and, i dunno, carefree. roses are kind of intense. i mean, if you're not that serious yet, and you want to get them flowers, you get them daisies. roses are like, "woaaa...when did this get serious?" [[ hair: short/long ]] - like, what do i have now? long. i wish it was short though, because that would be easier to handle. but short would look crappy. [[ boots/shoes ]] - boots. doye. [[ food: mexican/italian ]] - mm..spagetti. [[ dark/light ]] - dark [[ day/nite ]] - Night [[ city/country ]] - country! ive always wanted a farm (and someone with me to help me, you know, run it and stuff so i dont kill everything). do you... [[ color your hair? ]] - nope. neeever. [[ have tattoos? ]] - i want to get one of thumper from bambi. not sure where i would get it, though. *grin* [[ have piercings? ]] - no, no peircings. too much work, and they dont even look that great, in my opinion. have you... [[ stolen anything? ]] - once, when i was like, five, i stole a bow (like the ones you put on the presents) from job lot because i thought it was pretty. somehow my mom found out and made me go all the way back to job lot and give it back. i've never stolen again. [[ smoked? ]] - i'm not gunna lie! i have. [[ pot? ]] - why yes, and it was downright discusting. [[ crack? ]] - that's where i draw the line: no. [[ considered a life of crime? ]] - i would feel so guilty if i had a life in crime. [[ maybe a pimp? ]] - *blinku* no, not really. [[ been married? ]] - not lately. [[ been divorced? ]] - now that you mention it... [[ are you psycho? ]] - sometimes! [[ split personalities? ]] - eeeh...not often, i dont think...most of the time i always act the same. [[ schizophrenic? ]] - *looks up schizophrenic* okay, i didnt understand the definition of schizophrenic, so i asked bonnie and she said no. *nods* [[ obsessive? ]] - *nodnod* first it was Hanson, then BSB, then nsync. yes, i am obsessive, and it costs me alot of money in concert tickets and fangirl merchandise. [[ panic? ]] - i dont panic very often. as a matter of fact, i cant remember myself ever panicking. [[ depressed? ]] - *blinkublink* not often. only when someone dies or really upsets me. [[ suicidal? ]] - only in the morning! *giggles and then gets dreamy, staring at a shrimp-eating Brad Pitt on the screen* [[ pedophile?]] - *sighs and looks up pedophile* *blinks at dictionary* uh... *wrinkles nose* no i'll uh...pass thanks. [[ obsessed with hate? ]] - no, i dont think about hate very much. [[ mutilate animals? ]] - once i twisted off James Lance Bass' head. even though he's a teddy bear, and not a real animal, i still felt bad. [[ idolize infamous criminals? ]] - i dont know many "infamous" criminals, but i think the lives of serial killers are wicked interesting. have you ever... [[ been in love ]] - noooope...i don't really think about that kind of stuff. [[ kept a secret from everyone ]] - yup, and to this day NO one knows it! ^_^ [[ had an imaginary friend ]] - no. *blinku* not realistically, anyway. once i had an imaginary friend named josh just because everyone else had one. [[ called or seen a psychic ]] - no sir. i dont have that kind of money. [[ ever cried at a chick flick ]] - err...i cried at Armageddon, was that a chick flick? and my dog skip. [[ had a crush on a teacher ]] - no, because until the fifth grade i had never had a male teacher, and the only four male teachers i HAVE had have been Mr.Flarety the gym teacher (flamboyantly gay or something), Mr.Todd (ugly old fart, to this day i wish i coulda socked him one) Mr. Flaharety the history teacher (introduced me to my love of history...^_^) [[ found a cartoon character attractive ]]- most of the male xmen, um...ron stoppable,alden from braceface, err...and John Smith from Pocahauntus (when i was lil) [[ ever at anytime owned a New Kids on the block tape ]] - yes sir.inherited them from my older cousins. [[ watched Punky Brewster ]] - i saw like, the first show, and the one where she got taken away by social services. [[ prank called someone ]] - *blinku* nope. [[ eaten a whole box of cookies and thought you were fat after ]] - ohhh yah. and after i ate the whole box of cookies i ate an entire large pizza, and downed three cans of surge. [[ been on stage ]] - *blush* yes. [[ gotten in a car accident ]] - nope. not yet, anyway, im sure ill get in one. do you... [[ wear eye shadow ]] - nope. i wear eyeliner sometimes, but no eyeshadow. [[ have a dog ]] - yes sir! his name is rebel, and everyone loves him, but he farts alot, and is really fat. [[ want a tattoo, and where ]] - yes! of thumber and im not sure where, maybe my ankle. [[ have any regrets ]] - of course, who doesnt. [[ have a crush ]] - no way! cooties! :-P [[ do you have a best friend ]] - mmhmm! i do i do! [[ who do you go to for advice ]] - bonnie, my best friend, close friends second. [[ who knows all your secrets ]] - bonnie and my best friend. [[ who do you cry with ]] - i dont cry very much, but when i do, i do it by myself. do you believe in... [[ god/devil ]] - yes i do! [[ yourself ]] - sometimes i dont, but we've all got to beleive in ourselves if we want to get anywhere! [[ your friends ]] - some... [[ aliens ]] - aliens? nooo... [[ love ]] - i heard its out there, but if its out there, then why havnt i felt it yet? :) [[ the closet monster ]] - i cant sleep with my closet open, im not sure if it was fear of the closet monster, but friday i had a dream where this guy walked in and just, went into my closet, and so i jumped up and opened it and started screaming for him to get out of my closet, but there was no one there. i havnt looked into my closet since then, because the guy was old and looked like a snapping turtle, and im afraid he's gunna bite me. [[ one person for everyone ]] - that person is out there: it just takes time to find, and pateince. lots of pateince. what are you... [[ doing ]] - listening to Guster, reading a story, writing a story, typing this, looking at volcom art, and waiting for someone to come online. [[ wearing ]] - hmmm...baggy blue pants with white sneakers and a light blue tank top. whee, its very "revealing"...or rather, revealing to me, considering i usually wear about two layers of clothing at the least. [[ listening to ]] *whistles* ...i remember when rap was young, me and susie had so much fun, holdin hands and skimmin stones...*listens for a moment cause she doesnt know the words, then continues singing again* ...while the other kids were rockin round the clock, we were hoppin and boppin to the crocodile rock, YAH! [[ thinking ]] - about this SURVEY! *nodnod* [[ smelling ]] - *sniffsniff* uuumm...clorine, from my hair. [[ drinking ]] - im not drinking anything. whee. _______________ 6/10/03 Mood: Depressed Music: Sky Theme Piano - Final Fantasy X Bob died. I've been walking around depressed all day, but I didn't let it show. It's just... GOD DAMMIT, I JUST SAW HIM! HE WAS FINE! Sure, he had to carry around an oxygen tank, but that was it, STUPID FUCKING DOCTORS! THEY DIDN'T EVEN TRY! The last thing I said to him was "later". Well, I geuss not. Uncle Mike was supposed to go down there. TODAY. To visit him. To make him feel LOVED. His own children wouldn't come down to visit him; they didn't think it was serious enough. MY uncle had to go down there. And my Aunt Janet. My aunt Janet was there when it happened. It was just her...his own FUCKING SONS AND DAUGHTERS wouldnt visit him cause they didn't think it was serious enough and he DIED! I can't help feeling guilty: as if its my fault that he died feeling unloved. I know its not, but...GOD DAMMIT, he died without anyone there beside him beside my Grandmother and my aunt. They're not even blood related. I swear, this is going to send my grandmother STRAIT back to the asylum. *sigh* And that's gunna send my mom OVER the edge. I've said it a few times during this enrty, and I'll say it again: GOD DAMMIT! ______________________ 6/6/03 Mood: Comtemplative Music: Run Away - Linkin Park Moms says Bob's gunna die. _____________________ 5/22/03 Mood: Relaxed Music: The Worlds Greatest - R Kelly Back to cold lil' Massachusettes, where no one missed me but I sure missed it! Here's what I did in Florida: ~ Friday: Leave from Providence Airport with really cool bathrooms -NOTE- saw a really hot goth kid with cool blue and black swirley contacts. Made a pit stop in Atlanta, Georgia, where I got a Cinnabon (WHOOHOO!) and then hopped onto another plane and had a grand lil' one house trip to Tampa. Got into my cheap, one night ghetto motel around 4:00...which isnt really Friday anymore, but, in my opinion, its not Saturday until the sun is up. The temperature that day: 85 degrees. ~ Saturday: After "sleeping" in the ghetto motel (locked doors, closed shades...I didn't sleep with my back to the window) which consisted of a drunk soccer team (how amusing o.O), we drove in our nifty little rent-a-minivan to grammas in the old-people-capital of Venice. Did I mention how hot it is in Florida? The thing I found most amusing after three hours of sleep (we woke up at 7 to go to grammas): the door on the minivan closed by itself when you hit a little button. Wheee. Leave me in the car when we go to the beach, there's my day. Sadly, I was not alloud to stay in the car, and so we all went to the pool where my grandmother lives (Venice Estates for the old and grouchy..rar rar!). Here is a list of things in which I did not like about that pool: 1.) The deepest it went was 5'6...taller than me, but not very exciting. 2.) The water - it tasted like salt. As a matter of fact, it was salt. An old guy (although who was there BESIDES old guys?) explained to us that it was a new development. Better than clorine, he said. Yes, well, after swallowing a mouthful of Clorine, and then swallowing a mouthful of the salt water, I beg to differ *wacks old guy with cane*. 3.) The old people with really really good tans. 4.) It was on a public road. Also, we got to ride these lovely Florida bikes. They don't have these bikes up here, and if they do, I've never seen them. They're like...big tricycles or something. So they're not bikes, they're trikes, but you get what I'm saying. I saw a bunch of people riding them, and, to top it all off, there were BASKETS on the back of them. The old people yell at you if you try to ride in the baskets. So anyway, I proceeded to get a very, VERY bad sunburn on Saturday. Shame on me for not putting on ANY tanning lotion. Shame. I was getting funny looks from the chinese people at the Chinese Resteraunt we went to...so I stuck my tongue out at them. Which must have looked strange; sort of like, if you take a tomato and put it down on the counter in font of you and then it sticks its tongue out at you. Although the tomato would have to be wearing shorts, tennis shoes, a tank top, and have her stem up in a preppy ponytail. We got our motel (thank GOD for Holiday Inn, cause it was a Holiday Inn, NOT a ghetto motel) with very VERY powerful air conditioning. The temperature that day: 98 degrees. ~ Sunday: Hey, remember that really bad sunburn I got? It blistered! Ow ow ow ow ow ow! And did I mention...ow? Well ow. Went to a flea market. There was the hottest guy selling cookies...didn't talk to him though. I bought a new necklace...its got a shark on it. :D I like it. I bought a hat, and sunglasses. Both of which were greatly needed. Went back to grammas, and watched Gidgit. Does anyone know what Gidgit is? It's an old T.V. show...I didn't know what it was, either. During Gidgit, however, I got a towel and rubbed all my blisters off. Might I suggest to everyone that is reading this NOT to EVER do that? It hurts. Uh-duuuuh! Its not my fault I'm dumb like that. So after I did that, I just went and calmly sat back down again; nobody noticed that I had done it until our little "family dinner"...me, Laura, Bonnie, mom, Diane, Kelly, Gramma, and Bob. Of course I didn't eat alot (never do when theres alot of people around) and stayed as inconspicuous as possible until Laura goes, "your sunburn...it looks better." and me, being an idiot, said "I rubbed all the blisters off". I got yelled at. Heh. But not by Gramma. She yelled at me for the following reasons: 1.) I put my shoes on Bob's oxygen tank cord 2.) I left the door open (now I know why people like to live in Florida...they have the most powerful air conditioners I have ever seen!) 3.) I told Laura to stop being a bitch 4.) I said that flea markets suck After that I went swimming at the Holiday Inn cause it was dark out. Hooray! I tried to break off some palm leaves...you know, as soveiners for everybody...but they were stuck tight on that tree, and I'm not quite that tall...I had to stand on a rock to reach the leaves of a small one, and they just WOULDNT come off. Shucks. Temperature that day: 98 degrees. ~ Monday: Woke up at 6, and hurried our little booties to Tampa, where we visited the lovely Bush Gardens, which, although totally off the topic, is right down the street from where I stayed LAST time I went to Florida, approximately last year, although then I was visiting Universal Studios, Islands of Adventure, and a few select Disney Parks, such as MGM, which, if you would like to hear a story, Bonnie and myself ventured around alone for quite some time. My mother and father and dear sister Laura decided they were tired and left, leaving Bonnie and myself nothing to do but stay and save them seats at Fantasmick. So, Bonnie and myself being...well...US, we went on Tower of Terror a total of six times until there was actually a line to wait in (which there wasnt the other six times), when we finally went on a few of the other rides. But anyway, that was off topic. Since we had never been to Bush Gardens (dont ask me why we had a hotel room right down the street from Bush Gardens just the year before, but never went there), we decided to go there. Such a bright, sunny day, Laura and me went on all the roller coasters while Bonnie dragged my mother around aimlessly while she stared, googley eyed, at all the animals. After we had ridden all the roller coasters, my mom alloud me to take her place as Bonnie's dragging assistant, in which both her and I stared googley eyed at the tigers and elephants and such. Also staring googley eyed at those around us with English accents, and a very hot guy who looked remarkably like Bradly from Sclub. We were on a rapid ride, you know the sort, like the penguin ride at six flags, and my mom, me, Laura, and Bonnie were all on it with a boatload of English people. Yipee! One of them dropped his money while getting out of the boat (guy was loaded...fifty dollar bills he's carryin around TAMPA *slaps some sense into the guy*) and so, always the helpful little American, I picked it up for him. Ya know what he said?! Ya know what he said?! "Cheers, thanks!" Cheers. CHEERS! Hahaha! Cheers. Wheee. Okay. I'm good. Around 4 ish, it started to thunder and lightning, so they closed down all the roller coasters. I don't know why...it thunders and lightnings every night there in Florida (very cool). But, that left us no choice but to leave, so we did. Yah, I watched a marathon of Leave it to Beaver. Whoohoo! Then, when that ended and the Dick Van Dike show came on, I went outside and layed under the carport. They sure do have alot of salamanders in Venice. Then I went back to the hotel and watched, you geussed it cause I know thats what you all were thinking, SEVENTH HEAVEN, then went for a swim in the pool because I was SO frustrated about Seventh Heaven. HOW CAN THEY LIVE WITH THEMSELVES AFTER DOING SUCH A HUGE CLIFFHANGER?! Temperature that day: 90 degrees. ~ Tuesday: My gramma forbid me to go outside, so I stayed inside and made tropicana orange juice popsicles. They were good. yum yum. Everyone else went down to the pool, but not me. I stayed inside because Gram said so, and I don't wanna make her mad, NOOO way. I sat around and watched The Waterboy and ate tropicana popsicles. When they got back, my gramma and Bob and diane and kelly all decided they wanted to go to this italian place for dinner, so we went, and they had an arcade, yipee! Obviously sensing my depressedness about my sunburn, my mother gave me five dollars and sent me to the arcade. Little did I know she did the same for my siblings as well, but who cares. I gave my tickets to two little girls, who were delighted (made my day to see them jump up and down and then go to tell their parents how great I am) and then Laura gave me her tickets and told me to give them to someone, so I gave THOSE to two little boys, who acted similarly to the girls, only they did not jump, they just grinned. So after going to the Italian place, around sunset we went to the shorline of Venice, where we sat on the very edge of the rocks. I'm not sure what it was, it was like the canal up in cape cod, but not as big, you know, and plus it was paved, with rocks underneath it ^-^. People were catching fish galore, but we didn't go there to watch people catch fish...we went there to see the dolphins. And there WAS dolphins! Right in front of me, in the ocean! It was so cool, because I'd never seen a dolphin in real life before that, and they kept coming up from the water, there was like, six of them, and at first they were shy, just coming up a little, then they started practically jumping out of the water, we could see the WHOLE dolphin, it was so pretty! They went more towards the other rocks than the rocks I was on, though; there were rocks across the channel from me, and they were closer to those than me, but I was close enough! It was just too bad that I didn't have a camera, because we used all the pictures on the elephants at Bush Gardens... *smirks at Bonnie* but it was totally an awsome experience. Then we went and sat in our rent-a-minivan, blasting "i think i love you" (the new version), totally ruining the atmosphere for everyone else, but hey, we were having a good time. There was the prettiest sunset, too; I'm sure Rebecca would have liked it, if there would be anyone to appreciate a sunset so pretty without actually being there. It seemed like it had every color in the rainbow, all in this opening in the sky surrounded by clouds, all of the clouds were grey, but the opening was filled with every single color, and then beside it was just like, streaks of every color, it seemed almost PLANNED to be that way. To be honest, and ruin my dramatic vision...the opening in the clouds reminded me of The Lion King, and the way the colors were reminded me of the Windows symbol...you know, the window with all the colors flying from it? After that, we went out to ice cream, where there was a really hot guy working, with a Southern accent. I bravely ordered the coconut pinapple ice cream...which, in all honesty, was very good. ^_^ Bonnie, however, proceeded to flirt massively, until I finally had to drag her out of the shop to stop her flirting. Then, we went back to Gramma's and swam in the salty pool, which, although still gross, just takes a bit of getting used to. Temperature that day: 93 degrees. ~ Wedneday: Our last day here, and what do we have to do? Pack like the dickens! We packed up all our stuff, making sure not to forget ANYTHING, and stuffed it into the rent-a-minivan. Then my mom's old best friend, Tina, came over, with her daughter Terese (my age), uh...some other daughter who I can't remember her name (who's 12), and Ramen (whos 13). She also has another son, Dana Jr., (whos 17), but I geuss he was too busy or something. We bonded or whatever, basically hung out and talked about stuff, with the girls I babbled about seventh heaven, and with Ramen I babbled about video games. They all babbled back to me and we had a grand ol' time babbling. But all too soon, it was time to go, and we were headed off to the Tampa airport, after lots of tears on Diane's part. From Tampa to Georgia I saw something amazing. There was a guy that looked just like a mini version of Lance Bass! *_* he came right next to my seat and stuffed his bag in the overhead bin above me. He didn't say two words to me, but he said them to the stewardess, and his voice was kind of deep, and I just gawked at him (which he was totally oblivious to). Bonnie gawked as well, so I wasn't alone. Then from Georgia to Rhode Island, I was supposed to sit by myself (which, much to my luck, I ended up in the MIDDLE seat, between two GUYS, both of which were HOT), until Bonnie realized that she had a ticket by herself as well, and came, dragged me out of MY lovely seat, and brought me to hers, where she had empty seats to herself. Alright, I'm not one to give up three empty seats between myself and Bonnie but...HOT GUYS! *whimper* Oh well. Got home and uh...went to bed. ~ And that makes today, in which I have skipped school on account of the fact that my mom wanted me to go to the doctor so that she could see my sunburn, but then she told me I didn't have to. Melissa came over, and her and Bonnie are chillin while I should be doing my History work that was assigned before I left that I never did. Oh well. Should go do that. Yaaah... Cheers! ______________________ 5/16/03 Mood: Rushed Music: Eyes On Me - Faye Wong Before I leave, I have one thing to say, and listen well: For all the people who are telling Brendan to ask me out (you know who you are), please don't. I know how much you all LOVE to be involved in everyone else's love lives, but I don't want everyone involved in mine. Ask me before you tell people to ask me out, or don't at all. >.< Just a little word. _________________________ 5/14/03 Mood: Cautious Music: Kyle W. behind me yelling about his chess game Yah, I'm in school, whoo hoo. I sped class, finished up all the work I had to do, and now I'm just chillin, decided to update my journal because I never have the time to update it at home. Haha. Why? Because nothing has happened to write about. Lauren and Skip are going out, but thats about it. Hm. And uh...my grammas still crazy. Yep. Stiiiiill crazy. I don't wanna see her. She's crazy. *Kyle yells in backround* Haha....all for now. Bells gunna ring! Bye bye! _________________ 5/4/03 Mood: Bored Music: Tears In Heaven - Eric Clapton Hm...so. Has anything happened with me? One word: no. Heh heh. My dad went away for the weekend, but...to be honest, no one really missed him besides my mom. He never talks to me, and I don't talk to him, he just...goes to work, comes home, sits there, and talks to my mom. Sometimes me talks to me, when I'm doing my homework at the table and sitting beside him. Maybe I miss him a little bit, but not like my mom, who's making him a big, welcome-home dinner and is really excited to have him back. I'd miss my mom if she left, she does like, everything that I don't do; like, fold the laundry. I do the laundry, she folds it, I do the dishes and put them away, or, I put the dishes away, she does them; my house would be a mess if she wasn't here, because sometimes I forget to clean. Oh yah, and my dad makes dinner. But my mom can do that too. :D Things seem to be going on in other people's lives, just not mine. I kind of prefer it that way, I mean, something is going on in Greg's life right now that's not very good, and, well, I wouldn't like it if that was happening to me, so, heh. Apparantly, according to some personality disorders test, I am a "Histrionic avoidant". Histrionic: People with histrionic personality disorder are constant attention seekers. They need to be the center of attention all the time, often interrupting others in order to dominate the conversation. They use grandiose language to discribe everyday events and seek constant praise. They may dress provacatively or exaggerate illnesses in order to gain attention. They also tend to exaggerate friendships and relationships, believing that everyone loves them. They are often manipulative. Avoidant: Avoidant personality disorder is characterized by extreme social anxiety. People with this disorder often feel inadequate, avoid social situations, and seek out jobs with little contact with others. They are fearful of being rejected and worry about embarassing themselves in front of others. They exaggerate the potential difficulties of new situations to rationalize avoiding them. Often, they will create fantasy worlds to substitute for the real one. Unlike schizoid personality disorder, avoidant people yearn for social relations yet feel they are unable to obtain them. They are frequently depressed and have low self-confidence. I didn't really feel the need to put the rest in here, because, well, i got all lows, so, heh. Iwas so excited, i started a new game in FFX where i did the Jecht Shot. :D it took me forever, but I did it. and Skip borrowed my memory card, and made my characters WICKED nice! like seriously they have the COOLEST things and like, eeee im so excited. And when Skip was over, he played Final Fantasy VIII, where I was the expert and HE wasnt! It was ME teaching HIM for a change! Hahaha! I felt so powerful. Phenominal COSMIC POWER! Yay. All for now, I think. Chaow. ___________________________ 4/28/03 Mood: Simple Music: "the wonderful thing about tiggers"...got it stuck in my head. heh. Skip's gunna eat my memory card. Waaaa! And he told me my game sucked. Okay, so I'm not the best at video games. I try at least! I saw Holes; it was cool. Why is Brandy being blunt, you ask, she's being blunt because shes feeling simple, and you know what feeling simple means, don't you? Simple mind equals simple words, I know this because I attend Medway High School. Ha. Ha. Ha. I wish I were joking, I really do. I was listening to really mushy love songs the other day, and it made me wish I had a boyfriend. Then they stopped and "The Ketchup Song" by Las Ketchup came on and I still was thinking about how I wanted a boyfriend. Then, after a little while, I snapped out of my weird moment and practically pulled a seven year old by going "eiiiw...cooties!" Something along those lines. Hm. The wonderful thing about Tigger's...Tigger's a wonderful thing...their tops are made of the rubber...their bottoms are made of the SPRINGS...they're BOUNCY, BOUNCY, BOUNCY, BOUNCY, funfunfunfunfun! The most wonderful thing about Tigger is IIIIII'm the only one. IIIIII'm the only one. Anyway, lets get off my life and focus on someone elses. Seventh Heaven: I know no one reading this journal (do people read this journal? hmmm o.O) watches Seventh Heaven or if they do they are...not as passionate as I am about the show but...POOR, POOR Peter-Peter-Apple-Stealer! We all know Peter-Peter-Apple-Stealer, the one who was invited into the Camden's house and walked over to one fruit bowl, stole an apple, then walked over to the other fruit bowl (two fruit bowls? I don't even have one...) and stole two apples (put them in his hoodie swatshirt pocket, -wily- one, isn't he), then he walked over to a candy bowl (candy bowl? hmm) and took a handful... which is why I call him Peter-Peter-Apple-Stealer, but anyway, back on subject. Peter-Peter-Apple-Stealer...I am worried about him. His mother's new boyfriend is threatening him, I'm terribly, terribly worried. And beleive me, it is NOT because we all know that RUTHIE is one of my FAVORITE characters (*kills Ruthie* JUST SHUT UP YOU LOOK LIKE A MONKEY!) and Ruthie "loves" Peter-Peter-Apple-Stealer; I am generally concerned for the poor boy, because I have grown to like him. But I can't find out what happens until next Monday. I also noticed that even though this is Simon's last episode, and there is only now 4 new episodes left of the season, they have not hinted any type of dissapearance for the boy. Hm. How are they gunna talk themselves out of this one? I find it highly doubtful that Simon could just...dissapear one day and no one would care. Although, we could always just convince the Camdens that Peter-Peter-Apple-Stealer accidentally stole Simon and put him in his hoodie pocket while he was stealing all of their food, but...NAH. That'd get him in trouble and even though he has really bad teeth, Peter-Peter-Apple-Stealer is a cute little thirteen year old. Cuter than Ruthie, who looks like a monkey. Even my mom doesn't like her, last week Ruthie was talking and me, my mom, and Bonnie were all stuffed in my room because Laura and her boyfriend got the playroom (*growl*) and Ruthie was talking and my mom just yells to the screen "OH SHUT UP!" Go Mom. Heh. You know what I realized today? I'm kind of like the "good child" in the family, even though my mom would never admit it... (my dad and uncle mike actually DID the other day, which is er...why im bringing it up here). We were eating dinner and like, suddenly (I'm not sure how) the conversation got focused on me and everyone at the table (all the adults, laura wasn't there and kellie never talks -- wait she's an adult she's 21...gah im off topic -- and bonnie was sitting next to me so all the adults were my dad my mom my uncle mike my aunty diane and my cousin jenny who actually does talk -- quite alot, i mite add --) just suddenly started like, directing the conversation on me and I was like, "hey hey leave me out of this I just want to eat my mashed potatoes" and proceeded to stuff mashed potatoes into my mouth so I couldnt talk and so WHAT IF I CANT SPELL POTATOE! Don't comment on the potatoe I'll just keep going. And then so I had a mouth full of potatoes and couldn't talk and so then they all start discussing my career options and I'm like, "oh god..." and so i just fill my mouth with more potatoes so they can't ask me questions and they're like, "she types so fast...she could be a secretary!" or "shes such a good drawer...why isnt she in graphic design?" and then theres me, with everyone talking about me as though im not there, with my potatoes. They were REALLY good potatoes, did I mention my dad makes AWSOME mashed potatoes? Ask anyone whos eaten them, they rule. Back on subject, I seem to get really off subject, I finally had to swallow my potatoes, and before I could get any more in my mouth people barraded me with questions "why dont you take graphics" "what do YOU want to do" blabla and im just like "I WANT TO eat my potatoes." and shoved some more potatoes in my mouth. End of story. What was the point of that story? To show how much I like potatoes or to show how me eating potatoes will get me out of uncomfortable situations? A little bit of both, I think...and then theres the fact that everyone loves me. :D no one said anything bad about me like they did Laura and Bonnie, it was "laura got kicked off track because shes failing two classes and she's got such an attitude" or "bonnie's failing so many classes and she's so rebellious" theres no "brandy is this brandy is that" or "brandy did this brandy did that" there's none of that because I don't do anything, all I do is eat potatoes and sit like a good little girl. Rebecca makes really good chocolate-banana milkshakes. She made me one once, and it was REALLY good. I want another one, but I don't have any ice cream...or bananas. Or a blender. She made it with a blender. Plus I don't know how to make milkshakes. I could ask someone, but...nah. What's the point when I don't have the stuff? Okay, we'll end this journal entry with a question: It is currently 11:03PM. Do you know where your children are? __________________ 4/24/03 Mood: Accomplished Music: Sailing - Nsync Okay so after countless buggings of people saying "Brandy update your journal" so finally I did. I didn't know people cared SOOO much about my life, but whatever. Lets see; whats up with Brandy? I finally bought Final Fantasy X... YAAAAAY! *cheers and bounces around for a moment, then calms herself* Anyways, what else? I'm gunna give my memory card to Skip so that HE can beat the thing I can't beat on Final Fantasy X...yah I know, I'm giving up...heh. Oh well. I also got to the second disc on Final Fantasy VIII, a major accomplishment for me, but I can't get past a boss battle on that, too. So then I went to Legaia II, in which I alo can't get past a boss battle. -_-. So then I went to SIMS, which I borrowed from Scilla in exchange for my Vice City, which I never play, and I can't get out of Dudleys house. Well fine. Meh. My cats won't stop fighting. My mom locked them in a bathroom yesterday, together. Amber peed everywhere, because she was scared of Stewart, who always stalks her. HAHA! I am going to New Hampshire today. Oh fun. What am I gunna do there? Uh...nuthin. Oh well. Heh. Well, all for now. Be back! ___________________ 4/12/03 Mood: Humored Music: Spanish Eyes - Backstreet Boys StarlitRainbow13: *yells to Cory* HA-HA, I CAN TALK ABOUT BRANDY'S BOOBS WITH HER AND YOU CAAAAAAAAAN'T CAUSE IF YOU DID YOU'D BE A FREAKY PERVERT BUT WHEN I DO SHE THINKS I'M FUNNY! SmileAlways888: hahaha SmileAlways888: HAHAHA SmileAlways888: *falls off chair* StarlitRainbow13: *snaps Brandy's bra* HAHA CORY! Lookie what I can do!! SmileAlways888: HAHAHA StarlitRainbow13: Now I know I'm being a tit bit obnoxious but *hugs Brandy from behind, accidentally brushing her like she did with Lauren >.<* Oopsie... SmileAlways888: *giggles madly* SmileAlways888: OHHH JEEZ SmileAlways888: i know you were only hugging me because it was a tit bit nippley in here SmileAlways888: so ill forgive you SmileAlways888: i geuss the nipply weather just got the breast of you, eh? StarlitRainbow13: Oh good... I'm glad you're my breast friend and you can understand my titzy blonde moments. Oh goodness. XD. Perhaps Rebecca and I should take our brains to the cleaners...or we could take a trip to the boob...I mean BOOK...store! *slaps forhead* _____________________ 4/9/03 Mood: Optimistic Music: Objection Tango - Shakira Hmm. Havn't updated in awhile, have I? Probably 'cause I forgot! Brendan lent me final fantasy VIII. I'm so excited, it's wicked cool! I just, can't beat this thing right now, but I know I'll beat it evntually; I always do. Heck, if I had spent hours on end in the Thunder Plains,I'm sure I could have beaten it, but...I just didn't want to. Meh. Nothing really has...happened. I've just been boring, as I've always been. Although, wait! News. My mom donated ALL of my clothes to the salvation army. *cries* IM NOT KIDDING, ALL OF THEM! and...everyone KNOWS how much of a bitch shopping for SHIRTS is for me because of...well...i know you all know and PANTS because im too short and fat! GAAAAH! *hits head* this is like BATHING SUIT SHOPPING, ONLY...shopping for a whole new wardrobe! *hits head sommore* I think I annoy Jeff beyond beleif. Every morning I say to him, "good morning Jeff" and every day he mumbles something incoherant to me, amist looking pissed. So, me being me, i always ask him if he's having a bad day. And today he yelled at me about it. So then I was going into lunch and I saw Jeff and I said "hey jeff" and he said, "hey" and i said "how are you?" and he said "DONT ASK ME THAT!" and i was like, O.O wooa.... I found out something about...one of my friends that...makes me kind of depressed. Something that I should have noticed, but...didn't. Was it because I was too wrapped up in my own life, or...she hid it too well? I just know I should have noticed. I feel kind of guilty. All for today, nothing to say. Lots of love. _____________________ 4/2/03 Mood: Curious Music: Moonlight Sonata - Beetoven Well, first off first hand, my mom just received a phone call from my gramma saying that apparantly my gramma is gunna give my mom 10,000 dollars for absolutely no reason whatsoever. Random. I tried to explain to mom that it's the Alzheimers...she doesnt beleive me. Hm...well, onto better news, Brandy is lazy, and doesnt want to type this over, so she is going to copy and paste it from an entry on a message board that she posted. Here we go: "...speaking of the simpsons, it was so ironic, i was passing the tv and for some reason it was on the simpsons, and i got very excited because it was the episode that Nsync was on, and so i sat down to watch it. if anyone has seen it, you'll know the yvan eht nioj music video; *anime swirley eyes* if you don't, bart, nelson, ralph, and milhouse are in a boy band and they're all flying jets and singing...I can't remember alot of the lyrics, but i remember some lyrics that stuck out. bart was like: "your love's more deadly than saddam" and then nelson was like, "thats why i gotta drop da bomb!" and then nelson presses this button that says "da bomb" and it drops a bunch of missles from his jet, and, then it focuses on a bunch of iraquians in a desert-like thing, and one of them points up to the sky and yells "party posse!" and then the bombs hit them and they all...die. later on in the video, we see bart and the rest of the party posse sticking a pole in the desert, and we think that it's an american flag, when really it's a tetherball pole." Yes. why the hell that channel would have the NERVE to show that episode NOW of all times is beyond me. what idiots. *slaps forhead* DENSE AMERICANS! Alright so, my week, right. Um...SERIOUS flirting. goddamit. why is everyone flirting with me?! *slaps forhead again* I wish I was like Kristine or Kerri or Ally...you know the type, they can be comfortable when someone's flirting with them, they can be comfortable when someone's totally hitting on them and complimenting them...I can't. WHY CANT I?! GAAAAAH SOMETIMES I WISH I HAD A TALKING JOURNAL! I am just an insecure girl who gets jealous of stupid things and gets annoyed at weird stuff and is way too happy for some odd reason, and doesn't fit in. I don't mind the whole not-fitting-in thing, though: it's not as though anyone holds it against me. I don't fit in with really anyone; Rebecca is the only one I know that will get really hyped up with me about Charlette Church and classical music. That makes me happy, because sometimes I just need someone to talk about that stuff with. Totally random: I know I used to not like Keil, and I think that was just because he was Rebecca's boyfriend, and I didn't like sharing or something. Like I said, I get jealous of stupid things. But I'm getting used to him, and he's kind of starting to become my...friend? Am I a freak?! I made fun of him with Ally constantly, and Derek too but...I geuss he's kind of growing on me or something. Gosh, I am quite a freak. Greg came over yesterday. We chilled and finally watched the Cardcaptor Sakura video he had been wanting to watch, but didn't want to get confused. So I explained it to him; but when I went to show him the slashiest episode EVER... *gasps and looks ashamed* i found out the tape was BROKEN! waaa! *anime tears* all of my tapes break. whyyyyy meeee?! Well, after realizing we couldnt watch the slashy episode, me and Greg watched the end of Seventh Heaven, and half of State of Grace, before Greg's overprotective, sick-minded mother came to pick him up. I waited util they drove away, then went inside, only to find out later that Greg got a lecture as soon as they were out of earshot about how he was "never alloud in a house alone with a teenage girl" and so on and so fourth and, to quote greg, his mom thought we were "going at it like rabid monkeys". Hm.. my parents didn't seem to care that he was there. Actually, when I talked to my mom about it, she said, paraphrasing: "If it were anyone but Greg, I wouldn't have trusted you so much". *giggles* well goodness. And my dad didn't even know that Greg was ... well, GREG until he left, when he realized that greg WASNT a girl but indeed a GUY. Haha. When I brought up my dad, however, everyone around me that had been listening (Becca Ian and Ashley) all said that they loved my dad and that he was "the coolest". Yah Dad. I wish I could play piano. *dreamy sigh* I'm too um...well...hyper to learn, though. I beleive I would get distracted extremely easily, and/or forget what I learned. It happens alot to me. But...that doesnt stop me from wishing I could play the piano. *sways to "Fur Elise"* it would be so...motivational! Wish I could play Fur Elise...that's my GOAL! I want to play Fur Elise. I want to play the song that wakes me up every morning, so SPITE IT. *hits alarm clock, which blares Fur Elise every morning. Haha. Laura just passed and told me to delete Fur Elise because it sounded like her alarm clock. She said "delete that or turn it down because it sounds like our alarm clocks and im EXHAUSTED!" and then she dramatically went into her bedroom. Very nice, Laura. *sighs in a depressed manner* I wish I could play the piano. Heck, I wish I had some type of talent. Darn me. ________________ 3/17/03 Mood: Thoughtful Music: A New Day Has Come - Celine Dion Hmm. Lets start with yesterday. I walked alot yesterday. Was informed I was a poser. Hmm. Then I was informed that I wasn't a poser, ish, I was a poser, but wasn't a poser? A little confued? Join the club. Walked alot yesterday, excersized alot. Got up to fifty sit ups; it may not mean too much to you, but it's alot to me, because it was hard. I jogged for about...6 minutes. Got tired. Some excersize. Heh. So anyway, woke up this morning and straitened my hair. I burned my face! Right below my eye. Smart one. So I go to school, everything's good, then RICKY (*growl*) decides he wants to trip me in Spanish, and I actually FELL, and hit chin/neck/head whatever you wanna call it, it hurts now, although it didn't hurt then. Painful day at school. I tried to make plans with Erins to walk up to Duncin Donuts and get cofee, but she couldnt go, and neither could Kara, so I was like, whatever and went home after seeing Ally who was (against school rules) on school property. So I went home and Ally called and we decided we were gunna go to Duncin Donuts cause Erin and Kara didn't, so we met on Coffee Street after talking on the phone while walking, then we met up, got off the phone, and walked back up cofee street. We didn't get to the end, however, because we detoured and stopped at Tara's house, and chilled there. Tara's dog has a crush on Ally. He humped her three times. XD. Once from the back, once from the front, and another time from the front. Haha! It was funny. Then, after much procrastination, we (Ally, Tara, and I) left Tara's dollhouse and walked up to Dunkin Donuts, in which Ally and I proceeded to get ice water, and Tara a very very small fruit coolatta. We left once again, and proceeded BACK to tara's house, where we chilled once again, eating chicken alfredo. I did't have any though, due to the fact that I do not LIKE chicken alfredo. Logical, eh? Thought so. When Ally and I were finally kicked out of Tara's house, we walked back to my house, and watched Signs, because neither of us had seen it. Then she went home, and I had the chance to eat some food. Yay. Apparantly Bonnie thinks she has no friends. She says that I have all the friends and that I'm always getting all the calls and hanging out. I'm not sure why that is, but she's my friend too, and I like it when she hangs out, and, is it wrong just to want some time with friends...WITHOUT her? I dunno, but...she seems to think it is. She keeps saying she has no one, and doesn't listen when I tell her she has everyone. *sigh* Well, I think I'll go excersize and shower now. Tomarrow is Friday; I'm planning on doing something fun, because I'm feeling...FUN, despite today's horrible day. Maybe I'll do something with someone...whoever wants to, I'll find someone. This is the beginning of a new age! Haha! ___________________ 3/24/03 Mood: Tired Music: Your Body Is A Wonderland - John Mayer So anyway, its early in the morning, about 7:03 AM, when I realize I havn't written in my journal in forever, so I go on over to the computer to leave a short but informative post. Hey. I'm not dead. Informative enough for ya? I rented Final Fantasy X over the weekend; it's AMAZING. Better then I ever expected. It's so freakin COOL! I want to love it and hold it and call it my own; but alas, things will not work that way, because I have to return it to the video store on Wednesday. I payed extra for extra days. *little cash register goes "chaching!"* So basically my entire weekend consisted of sitting around playing Final Fantasy X, and being the TOTAL video game geek; even up to the point of not showering! But, that was for a differant reason, my dad had to turn off all the water in our house. And geuss what else he did? He flooded the basement! It's up to my ankles! Hahaha! What an idiot. Speaking of Dads, he lost his job again! I know, you're probably thinking; didn't he just GET a job? I don't get it either, so bare with me. Hm...I procrastinated on working on my thesis paper, and the rough draft is due tomarrow. I want to come home and just...jump rite on my PS2, and play Final Fantasy, but the world doesn't always work the way I want, and so I geuss I'm going to have to come home and do my THESIS paper instead. *slaps self* PSSSH! yah right! every time i plan to do soemthing like that, it kind of blows up in my face. Aka: I never do it. Gotta go! ___________________ 3/13/03 Mood: Extremely happy Music: If You're Not The One - Daniel Beddingfield Lazy Brandy, not updating her journal! Oh well: here's a nice long update to satisfy you Brandy-thirsty viewers. He he. Let's see, yesterday we got progress reports. My grades were AS follows: Health: A- Enlgish: A- Spanish: B- History: A Physics: B+ Math: C+ Criminal Justice: A Not too shabby...stupid Math.I got five bucks for it though: Bonnie got grounded for a week of no computer, no TV, and no Ps2. Which basically leaves a very annoying and bored Bonnie: right now she's making a five layer pudding. *raises eyebrows* eh? Eh, whatever. Today was a good day. A VERY good day. I'm not sure why, it just...was. Actually, I'm pretty sure why, I was happy, and everyone else was happy, people joked around alot, and it was really nice, and a very...nice atmosphere. :-D And so I'm in a good mood. I learned karate kind of, from Joe: I challenged him to a karate duel, which basically consisted of me hitting pathetically while he all professionally blocked them, than him throwing hits, his fist or hands like, inches from my face. It was fun. hehe. I also got the nickname "smooches" from the other Joe. Not sure why that is, but there's got to be some reason behind it. I was going to gym class, and Nick came up and hugged me from behind. It was nice, I like being hugged. :-D than he came up and hugged me again after lunch. Yay! So many hugs! ^_^ I feel so loved! Cory seems to be mad at me or something though: he hasn't talked to me or looked at me or anything, but he always talked to Bonnie and Tracey. Whats up with that? Whatever. Oh yes, I got taken out of Brendan's "father, son, holy spirit BRANDY" ritual. "Brandy" in the ritual has now been replaced with "Brendan". Shucks. I am no longer the holy one. Aww. This is a um...little survey thing I filled out yesterday, when geocities wasn't working. Enjoy enjoy! What colour is the item of clothing covering your chest right now?: A blue, weathervane spagetti strap tank top. Yaay. What was the last song you fell in love with?: Daniel Bedingfield - If You're Not The One. Do you have a dog?: Not really mine, I don't like him, but I do have one. What was the last thing you ate?: A brownie. Yum. What size shoe do you take?: 5 Do you eat McDonalds?: When I'm starving or someone goes there. Have you played any video games in the last week?: Yep. I played Vice City a couple of days ago, I mean, Ps2 is awsome. If I had FFX, I'd be on it more than this. Would you rather a ticket to see The Living End or a Sex Pistols [reunion] show?: I'm not sure what that is, but I'll say... The Living End cause it doesnt involve sex. What time do you normally take a shower?: Around 9 each night...right after seventh heaven. Are you in love?: No I'm not. I'm happy that way, and so is everyone else. Do you prefer to drink from glass or plastic?: Plastic. Then I don't feel pressured if I drop it or something. When you share a bed with someone, which side do you sleep on?: If the bed is against the wall, I'll take the inside, because I hate getting pushed off the bed, and when I'm against the wall, I can't get pushed off the bed. if t's not against the wall, what do I care? Do you make up the words when you don't know the real lyrics to a song?: No I just mouth it like I know what I'm saying. Have you ever been in a play?: Nope. Next question. Do you take vitamins?: Nope. I've never had to, and still don;t. What colour is your toothbrush?: Purple. When you see a big bug do you squash it, leave it, or run away?: Scream for my daddy. *blush* Would you rather a pet snake or turtle?: I like my turtle. Which movie was better - Spider-Man or X-Men?: Spiderman, definitely. X-Men was kind of laaame, but probably because it was made before Spiderman. Have you ever cried during an animated movie?: Princess Mononoke, I cried. Don't you hate Scooby Doo?: Hell yah. With a passion. But don't tell anyone. How old is your mom?: 44 What did you want to be when you were a little kid?: Can't remember. It was something normal, aka: doctor, teacher, something like that. Have you ever watched an entire episode of Days Of Our Lives?: I'm afraid not. Are you, wink wink, getting enough?: *yawns obliviously* getting enough what? CALCIUM? I definitely don't get enough CALCIUM! *winks back* Do you dress up for Halloween?: Nep. I sit and pass out candy, yo. If you had ten bucks right now, what would spend it on?: I would save it, because I really want FFX. Either that, or go buy a steak and cheese sub, I really want one of those, too. Do you like rollercoasters, or waterslides better?: Roller Coasters. Water Slides bore me to death. Do you sing in the shower?: Quietly. Have you ever slept naked?: nope. next question. Do you have a calander in your room?: One from the year 2000; thats a BSB calander i dont wanna get rid of. Have you ever bought something on a whim, thinking it'd be really rad, only to later realise that it sucks and you wasted your money?: many, many times. What's the name of your favourite record shop?: *blinks* Newbery Comics? Records...HAH. *points and laughs at the person who made a quiz* RECORDS. Do you tell your parents you love them?: When they give me something, or say I love you to me, I'll say "I love you too." Are you talking to anyone now?: Skip and this 12 year old girl, who is sending me one of her fics cause I'm her BETA reader. Have you ever been in a real fight?: like, physical? no. Do you feel proud when you show a photo [of a friend] to someone and they compliment the person in the photo?: Not if they compare me to the person in the photo. that just pisses me off. What colour are your eyes?: brownish. What is your favourite thing starting with "T"?: t.....acos. the kind my dad makes specially for me. theres probably something else, but thatw as the first thing that popped into my head. Do you like Mexican food?: Not at all. Do you ever talk to yourself?: Lots of times. I have conversations with myself, and tell stories to myself when no one else will listen or everyones ignoring me. Do you wear a wristwatch?: *looks at a burger king watch she just found and presses the button, making bart simpson go "cool your jets, man!"* dis one. When did you last kiss someone?: Never kissed anyone. If you could kiss ANYONE who would it be?: *blinks* I'd have to think about that one. Who was the last person you emailed?: this girl asking her about a new novel series she was reading. Are you supposed to send anyone a letter or present?: supposed to send Ann a letter. havn't though. Do you have a job?: I'm waiting until I'm 16, so I can have more opportunities. What kind of fruit do you like?: Blueberries, rasberries, strawberries, any type of berry. Are you a "lol" or "hahahaha" person?: More of an lol person when im not really laughing but want the person to know i was kidding. And finally... what are you going to do after you finish this?: write the second chapter to my fic! Okay okay. Back to buisness. I'm not gunna say who, but there this person that I like a little bit, well, okay, not really like, but like, I care alot about their opinion and what they think of me, and I showed them my pictures and, even though I DID ask for the HONEST opinion, they said that they liked Bonnie better. They said Bonnie was "hot" and I was "just cute". I know they didn't say it to insult me, but...I can't help it if it hurt just a little. Let's get back in a happy mood. I need something to do; I know I'm pathetically and very slowly learning Japanese (or rather "learning"), but that doesn't really count because it's not ver time consuming. I've been writing a little more the past week or so more than I have in the past YEAR, which is okay, but writing's not really something I can do very often, or I get drained. I wanted to play some type of sport, but...I'm not very good at many sports. So I thought, why not play an instrument, but I'm not very good at many intruments, either...as a matter of a fact I'm not good at any intruments, period. So what should I do? I don't know. I'm lost. I'll probably think of something. Maybe I could learn to salsa dance. Ya think? :-P ratatatatatata! *poses* I don't think so. Somehow I have gotten in a conversation with Greg about the Angry beavers. havn't seen THAT show in FOREVER. Hmph. All for now; if I think of more stuff to add later, I will. Lots of love. _______________ 3/8/03 Mood: Depressed Music: My Immortal - Evenescence I went to the mall with Becca, Kiel, and Bonnie today. Priscilla came after awhile too, with her friend Jaime, and one of Kiel's friends, I can't remember her name, came too. It was fun, I geuss, it was better than sitting at home, and I atually got some excersize and slight excitement in my boring, mundane life. On the ride home, I think Kiel and Rebecca got in a fight of some sort, and I'm not sure why, but I got really jealous, or...maybe not jealous, maybe just annoyed, or...something, I don't know what I was feeling, but my mood dropped dramatically and I chose to unbuckle my seat belt and layed down on the seat (*sigh* they were sitting together, when, typically, I was sitting alone...) and then Kiel left and waved, I waved back, then I went back to where Rebecca was and wanted to cry, but didn't...instead, I asked HER what was wrong, she said nothing, but I think she was lying. So then she gets out of the car, and I move to the front seat, and thats when it hits me. I started bawling my eyes out to my mom. *sigh* and i told her what was wrong, which is basically that, I don't WANT a boyfriend, but when I'm around them it makes me feel like I NEED one. So anyway, I went inside after we got home and went on the computer, and I talked to Ally about it, and then Keil IMs me, so I tell him kinda what I'm feeling, but Ally put it the best. Here's a part of their convo: SBartfastDesigns: she said when she's around me and rebecca that she feels like she needs a bf SBartfastDesigns: but she doesn't want one SBartfastDesigns: its not like me and rebecca are all over eachother. the most i'd do is like hold her hand, like thats obscene if thats what you're thinking X BaBi Ally X 69: i know she doesnt want one and i dont want her to have one... but u dont have to hold hands or ne thing if u know how it makes her feel... and u guys honestly make me sick at lunch and in the halls... i know how she feels... all u have to do is lay off the lovey dovey shit... i mean u guys dont actually "love" eachother so u dont have to act like that All I have to say is amen to that. *hugs Ally* she said it in words far too complex for me. I think I talked to her about it because, well, I used to go on dates with her and Mike all the time and, well, I never felt uncomfortable or jealous there, for some reason...I'm not sure why. Probably because they treated me like I actually BELONGED with them...not like Becca and Keil, who treat me like a geust. I don't like it. It also reminded me how much I missed Ally as a friend; we've promised each other that we will become closer friends from now on. X BaBi Ally X 69: haha... we should hang out again sometime... i miss u... X BaBi Ally X 69: i miss u... and we had a really good friendship and i dont wanna lose it.... yeah *smiles* that made me very happy, yes...yes it did. I feel better now that I've talked to Ally and Keil and gotten some stuff straitened out. I also talked to Bassam and he told me jokes and I gave him cooties. *giggles*. All for now, I geuss. Lots of love. _______________ 3/6/03 Mood: Energized Music: One In A Million - Bosson Sometimes love can hit you everyday Sometimes you can fall for everyone you see but Only one can really make me stay A sign from the sky said to me You�re one in a million You�re once in a lifetime You made me discover one of the stars above us You�re one in a million You�re once in a lifetime You made me discover one of the stars above us I�ve been looking for that special one I�ve been searching for someone to give my love And when I thought that all the hope was gone a smile, there you were and I was gone I always will remember how I felt that day A feeling indescribable to me Yeah i always knew there was an answer for my prayer And you, you�re the one, the one for me You�re one in a million You�re once in a lifetime You made me discover one of the stars above us You�re one in a million You�re once in a lifetime You made me discover one of the stars above us You�re one in a million You�re once in a lifetime You made me discover one of the stars above us You�re one in a million You�re once in a lifetime You made me discover one of the stars above us in the beginning i was cool and everything was possible they tried to catch me but it was impossible Nobody could hurt me it was my game Until I met you baby and were the same You didn�t want me, I wanted you Because the funny thing bout it was I like the show I like it when its difficult I like it when its hard then You know it�s worth it when ya found your heart Find you're heart... *grins* lovely song, very catchy, download it. *shrug* Anyway, today was an okay day; I had a very good night's sleep, and I thought today would be a breeze because of it; than I went to get out of bed, and realized that my legs hurt like a SONOFAGUN! I could barely WALK! That and, the night before, I had gone to sleep with a HUGE knot in my back, and I woke up with it even worst...I must have slept on rocks or something. So anyway, walking around school: very slow progress. Walking up stairs: VERY slow progress. Could barely walk up the stairs, and could barely walk down the stairs. Could barely bend down to get my books from my locker. I felt like an old lady walkin down the halls, all slow and kinda limpy like, slouching. I didn't do ANYTHING yesterday, so why the HELL am I in so much pain? Did God just feel like punishing me? *raises eyebrow* Obviously, because I never do ANYTHING that would enable me to have just hurt legs, and/or a huge knot in my back, WHICH, by the way, I still havn't gotten out but have begun ignoring, making it feel much better. I think I bruised myself trying to get it out, though... I swear I've got arthritus. Got out of school like, a half an hour early today. We got out at 1:20 instead of the usual 1:50. What was up with that, I'm not sure, but hey, got me out of school faster, despite the fact that snow was very...violent and blizzardy. It looked so cool. So I came home and had the sudden unfightable urge to be lazy, wrap myself in a blanket, and watch Pearl Harbor. So I did. Yah motivation. Ben Affleck is really, really hot. *nods in approval* yes. yes he is. What else is up? Today is padre's birthday; I didn't get him anything, because he didn't ask for anything, and I have no money. I took pictures of myself with a camera, courtesy of Burandii-san photography industries, and one picture taken by Melissa photo industries. I brought it in to be developed yesterday, but something is wrong with their developing machine thingie, so it's taking a million years. Stupid freakin idiots. I want my pictures! But, I am getting a computer disc with my pictures for $4.99 extra *grumble grumble* and will put my pictures online, if they are good. They BETTER be good *growls and shows fangs to camera developer people at CVS*. I wanna go somewhere tomarrow, it being Friday, but I have no money and/or anyone to go with, so I'll probly just stay home and be kinda lonely but nobody cares. Maybe I'll have Mag waste her money by calling me from Chile, even though she probably won't understand a word I'm saying, because English is her second language. *grins*. I've been informed by Scilla that my journal is hard to read. Personally, I didn't think anyone READ my journal, so, I have changed the font color to make it more convieniant for people to read now that I realized people actually DO read it. Why didn't anyone tell me before now, I dont know. Don't ask me. I also wrote a new story, which I plan on adding more chapters to before giving the link out to the general public. I have tested the idea on some people, and it seems to be a subject that people are interested in, so I think I'll take up my idea and go for it. More about THAT soon, considering the only thing up is the prelude. Time for bed, I suppose. Update again soon! ________________ 3/02/03 Mood: Lazy (as always) Music: Stand For You - Nick Carter Having a grand old weekend, but its almost over; weekends go way too fast, darnit. Even if I never DO anything on the weekends, I still like them 'cause there's no school and I can sleep late and be lazy. Then again, lazy is an ordinary occurance for me. ^_^ Hm..oh yes, father got a job! *cheers and dances* happy Brandy. I know you all care soooo much. Yayzers. Well, nothing else is going on here: my life is about as exciting as a cow, chewing on a peice of grass. *stares at cow chewing on peice of grass, before looking away* See? Not very interesting. My excitement goes only as far as RPGs and video games. So long for now, maybe something exciting will happen that will change my entire outlook on life. *shrugs* ____________________ 2/26/03 Mood: Not sure Music: Oldies station Soo...life. How's it treatin' me? Okay. I'll live. Thanks for asking. ^_^ There's only one thing that bothers me about my life: it's boooooringgg! Boring boring booooooring! I'm sooo utterly BOOORING! Whoo, okay, I'm glad I got that out. I geuss I can go to school now, knowing I got that out. *nods*. Byebye! _______________________ 2/24/03 Mood: Hyper/tired Music: Gotta Get Through This - Daniel Bettingfield Just a short post before I saunter off to bed. Had a boring vacaction until the last day, when I just wanted to sit around, when everyone started calling me and asking to do stuff...how cliche! But anyway, school today was okay, I geuss...um...nothing really important happened, ecept TJ threatened to stuff me in a trash can...what always gives people the impression that I want to be in a trash can? That's two people who have told me they are going to push me in the trash cans...strangeness. o.O Dad job update: still no job! Check back later! (*looks annoyed*) Hm...what else? uh.. *darts eyes* this is what comes from having no life. Shoot. I geuss thats all for now then. Hmph. ______________________ 2/16/03 Mood: Iffy Music: I'm All About You - Aaron Carter Heya journal! Been a lazy weekend, and I've still got a whole week of vacation left full of sitting around, doing nothing, and getting fat. I love vacations, don't you? Mag came back from vacation, yaaay! I missed her alot. But she's back now, and I'm happy. *looks concerned* in other news, dad didn't get the job he wanted, and is thus still jobless...hmm. Also, for the first time in eighteen years, my mom is thinking of moving. No, not to texas (*everyone gasps*) not to michigan (*everyone gasps*) but...to Medway! (*everyone looks confused*) That's right. My mom has this strange idea that she wants to move into a bigger house on the other side of Medway...which I don't like. The house she wants is near the church, like, right down the street from it, which isn't convieniant at ALL. How would my friends barge into my house on their way home from school? How would I walk uptown without walking like, a million and a million years? How would I walk home from school? How would... Eh, my dad will fight against it anyway. Even if it DOES sound like a nice house, no where else will ever feel like home besides this dump. *smiles fondly at dump of house* Um...hmm...Ansems Lair is coming out nicely, I'm really proud. Although I'm very frustrated with the game Kingdom Hearts right now: I can't beat anything on expert level. It took me five tries just to beat the darkside at Destiny Island. Talk about pathetic. Now I can't even beat the Traverse Town boss. Woe is me. Jason also told me that he would allow me to borrow his Final Fantasy X until I beat it. My savior! I told him he was, and he seemed to enjoy that. Today was Scilla's birthday; she got the Sims for Ps2. I'm hoping I can go over there sometime this week and check it out, thus reclaiming my Vice City game and Legaia case as well. (When I went over there before, I brought Vice City in my Legaia case, because I couldn't find the Vice City case, and left both of them there.) We're supposed to get a huge snowstorm tomarrow. Everyone's panicking about it. I don't know how many inches/feet. I hope it's alot. I think that's all for now! Check ya! _______________________ 2/14/03 Mood: Distressed Music: Sweetness - Jimmy Eat World I've just heard distressing news. DAVID GALLIGHER'S LEAVING SEVENTH HEAVEN AFTER THIS SEASON! *collapses on the ground and cries uncontrollably*. He said he's sick of the show, and he's tired of all the Simon/Cecila drama that's always repeating. WELL, DAVID, SO AM I! I was getting so sick of Cecila...just wanted to strangle her skinny little chicken neck...or punch her in her small little BIRD no...ahem. Back on subject. He is, however, co-starring in a movie called "Little Secrets". Go see it! here is a breif summary or whatever.: Evan Rachel Wood (ABC's "Once and Again") plays Emily, a plucky pre-teen (and violin virtuoso) who is entrusted with her young neighbors' most private and cherished secrets. Every Wednesday, Emily sets up a booth in her backyard that regularly attracts the guilty young souls of the neighborhood. These include Philip (Michael Angarano - NBC's "Will and Grace") -- the new kid on the block -- whose clumsiness with an expensive chess piece (and his interest in Emily) make him one of her most challenging clients. But complications ensue when the Secret Keeper - normally so trustworthy - suddenly finds it difficult to keep all of her neighbors' secrets to herself. Starring: Evan Rachel Wood, Michael Angarano, Vivica A. Fox, DAVID GALLIGHER, Danielle Chuchran... Eh, who cares about the rest of the people. Yes, I know it sounds like a stupid movie, but, according to my friend, "Simon's the elder brother to the guy who moves in next door...and does something". So I'll go and see it just because David's in it! That show is going to BOMBSHELL once Simon's not on it. All the hotness is gone. Simon leaves = hotness gone. No hotness = NO FREAKIN SHOW! No one wants to watch a show about a menapausal mother with seven troublesome kids, a 23 year old who married a Jewish woman and converted (no longer on show), a 22 year old that was dating a man twice her age and working on an air line in Buffalo (no longer on show), an obsessive compulsive 19 year old with a cop for a fiance, the cop fiance who has an attractive working partner that always somehow manages making his fiance jealous, an unhealthily nosy 12 year old, and two boy twins who can barely talk! Simon leaves, theres nothing, just a bunch of really annoying people with lots of unrealistic problems. SIMON RUUUUUULES! *breathes deep*. *whimpers and crawls into a corner, curling into a ball and looking dejected* *jumps up, grinning* Okay, that was my distressing news. My happy news is today is valentines day, and i got a carnation 'cause somebody cares. Yay. Okay, so I don't care about Valentines Day too much, but I just...really like how it makes everybody FEEL. People may walk around saying they hate valentines day, but that doesn't stop them from getting a look of happiness when someone gives them something to show they care. It's truly special. Okay, onto other subjects, because Valentines Day is boring (sorry Valentines Day, you're overruled!) I really want Final Fantasy X! *wails* but I have no money. I have to pay Bonnie back 50 bucks, then I wanna buy Final Fantasy X, than I wanna buy (randomly) Final Fantasy VIII. Those two have the hottest main characters. ^_^ (and Final Fantasy X was reccommended to me by me friend). Oh! I have a funny (well, not really funny, more...amusing) story. So, I was boiling hot dogs (for dinner), and when they were done, I took them out of the pan, and put them in the rolls, and blabla, you know, the norm. Than I went into the fridge to get the mustard. I looked between the regular Frenchs container, and this really cool new one, deciding: which one should I pick? Finally, I picked the cool new one, opened it, but I couldn't figure out how to work it. How do I work this, I thought to myself, shaking the mustard container helplessly and looking like a monkey. So then, almost like a cartoon sitcom, I take the mustard and point the nozzel thing at my face, trying to look in to see if anything is wrong, and I squeeze the mustard bottle, and mustard squirts out in my face! Just thought you all might like to hear my amusing story for the day. Haha. Well, I found it amusing, considering it happened to me, and YOU wern't there. Hah. I had like, an image, when I was standing in the kitchen with mustard all over my face, of people rubbing hot dogs all over my face so that they could get the mustard off, but I don't think that would be an option because I didn't have that many people with me at that time, not did I have enough hot dogs. Sad. Man, I'm bored. Random person: *yells from audiance* YOU LOOK BORED! Brandy: *jumps up enthusiastically* I AM BORED! Ahem...*promptly hides Oceans 11 tape including the ever-so-hott Matt Damen, Brad Pitt, and George Cloony*. NO, I havn't watched this too much, what are you TALKING about?! *grins*. Eh, look at that, now my entry's too long. This is your fault for listening to my stupid ramblings for so long. Bad journal. *runs away* ... *runs back and gives journal a hug and a cookie (NOT chips ahoy, i got in a big argument with bonnie about how gross they were).* I'm just KEEDING! I love you journal! ________________________ 2/13/03 Mood:Tired Music: Laura's music from her room (really loud) A little snippet before I hurry off to school. It's 7:07 Am...do you know where your children are? Probably at school, stupid state of Massachusettes! I went to bed last night with a horrible cold; woke up with one too, but now that I've like, walked around a little bit, it seems to have gotten a little better. I took these huge, orange tablets, too...maybe that's it as well. I also woke up starving, so I'm eating strawberries. Yum! I wanted to stay home today because I got little-to-no sleep last night because of that gosh-darn cold (I know, tmi, but, my pillow must now be washed because it was used as a replacement tissue. Haha!) Oh shoot, leaving now! More later! ________________________________ 2/11/03 - Oh I just can't WAIT... Mood: Hyper Music: The backround music of my site. I'm in such a hyper mood! I'm not sure why, because mom insulted my eye makeup and my dad made me a ham and cheese sandwich that made me sick, but perhaps its my SNAZZY new backround music! Everyone, turn your volumes up, and hear the lovely sound of BRANDY'S BACKROUND MUSIC! Yay! I'm kind of tired, and am writing this before I go to take a shower before bed, yay! I stayed up extremely late last night, because I thought we would have a snow day today, but alas, that did not happen! We were forced into school, and sadness was upon us! ^_^. So...what's been happening? Valentines Day is very near. I love Valentines Day. Everyone is always nice and friendly to each other; no one's ever mean to each other on Valentines Day, because, after all, it is the day of love. And, even better, Valentines Day is on a Friday, hooray! I can go out and be social on Valentines Day night! Or sit at home and pig out on chocolate. *grins*. Hm...*thinks* lets see. My dad's been home when I get home from school for two weeks now, and even after two weeks its still weird, 'cause I'm still not used to him being there. I mean, he loses his jobs all the time, but I don't like it when he's here when I get home from school. Are I a spoiled brat, or just selfish? I don't know. But, he's supposed to be getting a job somewhere in about a week; he got put on a list of some sort, and hes number one hundred and fifty. I was kinda worried about the number, but he told me they told him it would only be a week, so I beleive him. *Bobs head to backround music and laughs* this is so fun! I joined my friend Matt's Domain, his RPG, and became his boyfriend. *grins*. At first, when he wasn't online, I was jumping around everywhere, flirting with everyone and making out with everyone and all that jazz, being a total man-whore...but then he came, and after yelling at me about self-control (and sending me to the corner for five minutes, the bum), we finally went somewhere and out characters got together. It was a really cute moment, and it made me happy. Um...what else is there to say? Nothing, actually. _________________ 2/8/03 - Bored... Mood: Lazy/bored Music: 99 Red Balloons - Goldfinger You and I in a little toy shop buy a bag of balloons with the money we've got Set them free at the break of dawn 'Til one by one, they were gone Back at base, bugs in the software Flash the message, "Something's out there" Floating in the summer sky 99 red balloons go by. 99 red balloons floating in the summer sky Panic bells, it's red alert There's something here from somewhere else The war machine springs to life Opens up one eager eye Focusing it on the sky As 99 red balloons go by. 99 Decision Street, 99 ministers meet To worry, worry, super-scurry Call out the troops now in a hurry This is what we've waited for This is it boys, this is war The president is on the line As 99 red balloons go by. 99 Kriegsminister Streichholz und Benzinkanister Hielten sich fuer schlaue Leute Witterten schon fette Beute Riefen: Krieg und wollten Macht Mann, wer haette das gedacht Dass es einmal soweit kommt Wegen 99 Luftballons 99 dreams I have had In every one a red balloon It's all over and I'm standin' pretty In the dust that was a city If I could find a souvenier Just to prove the world was here... And here it is, a red balloon I think of you and let it go. Random, I know, but, hey, it's a good song that's not about love, which doesn't make me contemplate upon my horrible love life. Actually, no, not HORRIBLE love life, horrible LACK of love life is a better way to say it. Not that I care or anything, I think um...significant others are a waste of time at this age. Dont I? Of course I do. Anyway, onto other things. Procrastinating upon working on Ansem's lair; taking random quizzes. Hehe. Funfun. Had a very boring Saturday, and now I'm going to end it by binging my boredom and depression in pizza. God help us all. _______________________ 2/7/03 - First entry Mood: Accomplished Music: Hikari - Utada Hikaru The first entry in my NEW journal! I used to have a deadjournal, two even, but now I have this one, because Deadjournals are crap, they don't let you do cool graphics, and I wanted cool graphics. Haha! So I made my own, and personally, I like this one alot better so...so...there! What's happening, you're wondering? Nothing, a boring weekend. I was supposed to go to the movies with Krystal, Erin, Ashley, and Nicole, but then it snowed. Nicole couldn't make it to Medway, and all of our mothers wouldn't let us go out. Hmph. Oh well. That gave me the sudden motivation to work on this...and now I have a journal! Hazaa. More will to come later on, but for now, so long, my new cool journal!

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Cutest of cute: adoptions!
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Quiz time! Everybody ready?

you are BRANDY sweet loveable and positive, Smile!
and whoooooosh over your head

Which screwed up group member are you
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You are Kinomoto Sakura
You are kind and generous, often underestimating your own abilities. Though you may not often know it, you have a lot of talent. Relying on your friends is both your strong point and your weakness.
Take the "What Magic Girl are you?" Quiz

Which HP Kid Are You?

You're Aoki Seiichirou!
You are one of a dying breed... a true gentleman (or gentlewoman, as the case may be). You tend to be a little disorganized and scatterbrained, but your heart is always in the right place. While you aren�t always the one who gets the most attention, you are sweet, dependable, and extremely loyal to your loved ones. Your family and friends are very important to you, and you will go to any length to protect them.
Which Dragon of Heaven are you?
Quiz by Kerianne

Take the Kingdom Hearts personality quiz, and visit Castle Diqueria.

What Natural Disaster are you? Take the quiz!

You are Irvine! Comfortable whether in social settings or
home on the range, you're easygoing and have a good heart.
That is one reason everyone seems to adore you. But
sometimes you feel like people don't see the real you
behind that cowboy hat.
Take the Final Fantasy 8 Test here!

You are Laguna! Although you're way too shy with the
opposite sex, you've got a heart of pure gold. You're a good
leader and well liked by those who know you. Most of your
friends look to your good sense when they need advice.
Take the Final Fantasy 8 Test here!

Which "Natural Wonder" are you?

Take the What High School Stereotype Are You? quiz, by Angel.

What Type of Villain are You?
mutedfaith.com / <�>

Also known widely as the Fire Bird, the phoenix is a profound symbol of the circle of life. It has a life cycle of 500 to 600 ears and after that amount of time, it sets itself on fire and dies in the flames. Then after three days, it rises again from the ashes. It is a completely benign creature who lives in dew. It is said that the phoenix has a beautiful melidous song which grows ever more mournful as its life comes to an end. It is a symbol of the sun and immortality. The phoenix is a very worthwhile beast.
What mythical beast best represents you?Take the quiz!

My battle cry is meep! Easy shocked, easily amused.

Which Avril Lavigne Song Are You?

Find your Role-Playing Stereotype at mutedfaith.com. [Angel.]

Are you a Seme or Uke?

Which Hogwarts Student Are You?

You are Sora. Optimistic and free, you embody the
heart. Although simple-minded at times, you
posses a strong will. Your heart is red.

Which Kingdom Hearts Character Are You?
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Kairi

Which Kingdom Hearts Character are You Most Like?
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Raver Bear

Which Dysfunctional Care Bear Are You?
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You are Victim sue!
You're a regular damsel in distress. Misfortune
seems to follow you around like a bad smell
(and, if one of those misforunes happens to
involve an exploding sewage plant, quite
literally too). You've been captured by aliens,
enslaved by evil dark lords and forced to watch
Catchphrase for hours on end- and boy, do your
readers know it. Count yourself lucky *they*
can't get their hands on you.

What type of Mary Sue are you?
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find your element at mutedfaith.com. <�>

Your anime hair color is green.

What is your anime hair color?
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Woe is you. You end up dying for the world and
those you love. You even lose a chance with
your almost beau. You're not bitter though,
you're happy to die for your cause. Besides,
you get to be reunited with your loved ones on
the other side. Its sad that in just a couple
of years your sarcifice will be overshadowed
and no one will ever know your tale of
courage.

Example of a Martyr: Aeris/Aerith
Gainsborough.

What female stereotype of Final Fantasy(ps) are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

You are a descriptive writer. An avid reader of
Robert Frost, perhaps, you LOVE to use flowery
words and use the paper and pen as your canvas
and paintbrush. You prefer to paint a mental
image rather than simply toy around with
people's minds. A very inspired person, you
love to be in nature and usually are a very
outdoorsy type of person. A writer with a
natural green thumb, perhaps?

What's YOUR Writing Style?
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You are Kairi!

Which Kingdom Hearts character are you?
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What Inuyasha Character are you?

What Kimiki Character are you?

Which female character from Final Fantasy 7,8,9 are you??
Go find out here! made by

You are Heero Yuy. You are considered the Perfect Soldier and pretty much go through with missions as you are told or instinctly act on. You appear to be stone, but deep down there are emotions that help drive your actions.

What FFVII character are you?? Find out here!!! by !!

What FFVII character are you?? Find out here!!! by !!

Cutey
Find out what bishonen you are.

You're that evil little piece of jewelry that corrupts almost
everything it touches and recites poetry in the
Black Tongue on its days off. Cool.
Advice: You'd have been better off with Gollum.

You don't belong in Hell. Sorry.

...You
probably fucking lied or cheated. Fucker.

Why Will You Go To Hell?
brought to you by Quizilla

Your Man is Irvine! You're kinky, he's kinky. It
works! And although you pretend not to like his
advances, you're into his charm.

Which Final Fantasy VIII Guy are You Compatible With?
brought to you by Quizilla
Okay so yah I took that one again 'cause I dont like Irvine too much.

Your Man is Zell! A sweety, although a bit
emotional. But he's someone you can relate to,
if you want your guy to be your best friend.

Which Final Fantasy VIII Guy are You Compatible With?
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You are Rikku. Wo0t.

Which Final Fantasy X Character Are You?
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You are Laguna. You love cliches, but lack a good
'way' with words.

Which Final Fantasy VIII character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

"Which FFVIII character are you most like?" test by Travis C.

See which Final Fantasy IX Character you are.

My #2 result for the SelectSmart.com selector, what final fantasy 8 character are you most like?, is Sephie

You're the girl no game can go without. You get
the guy, the glory, and the most hate. Sorry
to say you're usually hated by both male and
females alike. Maybe its because you're just
so... wimpy. Try doing something for yourself
for a change and stop whining... its
annoying.

Example of a Damsel/Love Interest: Rinoa
Heartilly.

What female stereotype of Final Fantasy(ps) are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

You are Eiko! Cute and friendly, you treasure your friends
dearly. It's all you really have. Sometimes,
people treat you like a kid because you're so
innocent, but you're actually quite an
intelligent individual.

Which Final Fantasy IX Character Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Yay! You're Selphie! Fun and outgoing, you can
always cheer people up. You're the best person
in the world to be around, and you're definatly
the coolest person I know!!! My fave
character!!!

Which of the Final Fantasy 8 charatcers are you most like?
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You are most like Aeris Gainsborough!

Which one of my favorite Final Fantasy characters are you?
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Your Heart is Yellow

What Color is Your Heart?
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-Perfect- You're the perfect girlfriend. Which
means you're rare or that you cheated :P You're
the kind of chick that can hang out with your
boyfriend's friends and be silly. You don't
care about presents or about going to fancy
placed. Hell, just hang out. You're just happy
being around your boyfriend.

What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Water Goddess. You like peace and serenity and are
usually content with life.

What element would you rein over? (For Girls)
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You are a Dubliner.

What's your Inner European?
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innocent kiss - you're cute and sweet and like it
that way

What Sign of Affection Are You?
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You are Jubilee!
Though you may be young and inexperienced, you have
great potential and will someday become an
admirable figure. For that to happen, though,
you must overcome your juvenile belief system
and adopt a more mature view on life.

Which X-Men character are you most like?
brought to you by Quizilla

You Have the Power to Turn Things to Stone!

What's Your Magic Power?
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Weed. Youre the baby of the drugs, and thats okay, because Im sure, I could do you all day.

Which drug should you be hooked on? [now with pictures]
brought to you by Quizilla

You're the smirk,a frown-smile hybrid that's a
little bit cocky and usually associated with
evil or arrogant,but attractive people.You
probably just don't give a damn,but it's
everyone else's fault if you don't because
you're too awesome to have any real faults.

What Kind of Smile are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

You are the Low-Fidelity All-Star. You were born
with your cool, and it's totally natural. You
run the gamut from Hipster Supreme (only they
can ingest as much coffee as you) to the geeky
hipster (Mario Kart, anyone?).

What Kind of Hipster Are You?
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You are classical music. How boring.

What type of music are you?
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You are a CYNICAL VIRGIN.

What Kind of Virgin Are You?
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United States Of America - The most well-renouned country in modern day times.
The militaristic superpower, the United States
of America are also known as the bossiest
nation.

Positives:
Known Worldwide.
A Beacon to Others.
Powerful.
Fast Food.

Negatives:
Bossy.
Despised by Most Others.
Elitest.

Which Country of the World are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! *points to American flag* Yah Brandy...I just picked all the ones I was familiar with...

Shy Flirt

What Kind of FLIRT are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

I am the Dandy

Most of us feel trapped within the limited roles that the world expects us to play. We are instantly attracted to those who are more fluid that we are - those who create their own persona. Dandies excite us because they cannot be categorized, and hint at a freedom we want for ourselves. They play with masculinity and femininity; they fashion their own physical image, which is always startling. Use the power of the Dandy to create an ambiguous, alluring presence that stirs repressed desires.

Symbol: The Orchid. Its shape and colour oddly suggest both sexes, its odour is sweet and decadent - it is a tropical flower of evil. Delicate and highly cultivated, it is prized for its rarity; it is unlike any other flower.

What Type of Seducer are You?
created by polite_society

What Kind Of Pokemon Are You?

Incredibly evil and corrupt, you take what you want
because it's all yours anyway.
Take The Pokemopolis Pokemon Supporting Character Personality Test.
Created by The Dodgemasters

....chuuuu.....

You're a mascot!

You're small, you're cute, you're fluffy. You're the essential schoolbag accessory for every magical girl; you're probably sitting on the bishounen's shoulder; you hang around the base and provide comic relief from the mecha pilots; and once an episode you get squished by the Villain. You've somehow become necessary for every self-respecting anime series, although your plot functions are negligible. We all hate you, you know.

Which generic anime character are you?

You are:
HONDA HIROSHI Like Honda, you tend to be a bit of a pessimist; always being the first to panic in situations. But you are very loyal to your friends and are always there to help out when needed.

You are a solumn, stubborn, calm and quiet person who displays attraction towards hyper and genki people. You tend to hide your inner and true feelings and prefer to use verbal irony instead of being direct. You are good at what you do but when it comes to love, you couldn't be less clueless. XD
Which Gravitation Character Are YOU?
Take the quiz at Dare to Dream

Which Cowboy Bebop Character are You like?
Takes other quizzes at Newsies Meets Anime...Anime Meets Newsies...

What Digimon Character Are You?

Which Cupcake Are You? by ClicksandBuzzes

See what Care Bear you are.

Take the Sex Test

See what Rugrat you are.

See what Rugrat you are.

You Should Pose For Pinup!
You hark back to the days of Bettie Page and Marilyn Monroe.

You love the retro style and long for the good old days.

You love fantasy but in a classy way.

You're a real girl, not an anorexic waif.

You have curves which many modern women lack.

More women should be like you.

What Porn Magazine Would Kill to Have You On the Cover?
More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva

You Are A Romantic Kisser!
About Your Kissing Style:

You'll only kiss if the mood is right and if you think you are falling in love.
Some may say you're old fashioned, but when you kiss, you see stars!
One kiss from you, and anyone will be hooked forever.
What Your Kissing Style Says About You:

You're no prude, but if you're going to get sexual, it needs to mean something.
You prefer to take things slow, because it only makes them better in the long run.
You're much more likely to find yourself engaged than in some stranger's bed.

Your Personal Kissing Matches and Mismatches:

You and another Romantic Kisser is just pure bliss. You both enjoy the finer aspects of seduction and have the preference of taking things slow. It's practially love at first site. You'll also find yourself attracted to Juicy Kissers. The way a Juicy Kisser locks eyes with you and draws you in is almost cosmic...

Manic Kissers are to be avoided at all costs. These kissers love to kiss everyone and can never commit to one person. Next! Carnal Kissers aren't your style either. They'll push you for sex way too soon... and get very upset when they don't get their way.

How Do *You* Kiss?
More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva

Your Guy is Prince Charming!
The man for you is Prince Charming.
You need a sensitive, romantic man who will understand and listen.
You enter into relationships for love and need a committed man who will provide plenty of love and security.

What Guy is Perfect for *You*?
More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva

Your Hottest Body Part is Your Hair!
A beauty salon is your mothership, and it's always calling you home.
Your hairstylist is your best friend.
You don't know how people lived with moose and no mousse.
You make men growl with that fabulous mane.
You can work it by swinging it on the dance floor or mussing it in bed during hot sex.
If they're looking for the next Jennifer Aniston hair craze, they need look no further than you.

Celebs who work their hair as hard as you do include: Anna Kournikova, Nicole Kidman, Beyonc� Knowles, and of course, Jennifer Aniston.

Want to play up your hair even more?
Wear simple makeup and tops, so that your flowing hair is the main attraction.
Spruce your hair up even more with a little shine, glitter, or highlights.

What's Your Hottest Body Part??
More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva

You Are An Innocent Bitch!
Like most chicks, you act like you're innocent.
But to get what you want, you'll be a total bitch...
And never get caught!

What Kind of Bitch Are *You*?
More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva

You are a SUBTLE Flirt!
This is the female equivalent of "the strong and silent type."
Or, the whole "still waters run deep" thing.
And that makes you dangerous. Oh, yes�dangerous.
You lull men (and competitive women) into a false sense of security.
By appearing nonthreatening, quiet and unassuming, you can strike at the right moment, when no one's expecting it.
It's a method that�s tried and true over the ages and it works wonders for you.
So go on, with your sneaky self, Ms. Covert Ops.

What Kind of Flirt Are *You*?
More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva

You Are A Redhead!
Fun, innocent and flirty, guys are drawn to your firey ways.
Your fun personality drives the men wild, and they just can't enough of you!
With that girl-next-door charm and those bright eyes, you can get what you want in a snap...
Keep them beggin' honey!!

What's *Your* Inner Hair Color?
More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva

I'm Cubbi Bear. Which Gummi Bear are You? by ClicksandBuzzes

I'm officially a boy. Are you a girl or a boy? by Clicks and Buzzes

Which Ralph Wiggumism Are You? by ClicksandBuzzes

I�m Jackie. Which That 70s Show Character Are You? by ClicksandBuzzes

You are Neo, from "The Matrix." You
display a perfect fusion of heroism and
compassion.

What Matrix Persona Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Ginny Weasley You are shy quiet and often try to hide your true
feelings you get embarrassed or nervous easily

which harry potter character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

My #1 result for the SelectSmart.com selector, Which Card Captor Sakura Character Are You Most Like?, is Kero-chan

You are kero! Childish and cute!

Which Cardcaptor Sakura Character Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Your best match is Ron!

Which Harry Potter Guy are you Most Compatible with?
brought to you by Quizilla

What Goth Are You?

I'm Homer, who are you? by Lexi

I am Mr Do.

I am sedentary by nature, enjoying passive entertainment, eating when the mood takes me, and playing with my food. I try to avoid conflict, but when I'm angered, I can be a devil - if you force me to fight, I will crush you. With apples. What Video Game Character Are You?

Sam is the faithful servant of Frodo Baggins. He cares an awful lot about his master and would probably give his life for him. Though Sam meets many marvelous people as he journeys with Frodo, he still wishes he was back home in the Shire.
Take the "Which Hobbit are you?" quiz created by Cora Black!

Which Brand Of Clothing Do You Look Best In?
Brought to you by Faytrial

which member of the babysitter's club are you? find out here

Whose Sense Of Humor Do YOU Share?

Take the "What Chris Hairstyle Are You?" Quiz

I am sweet, like Sugar.

I am all sweetness and light; fluffy bunnies and dancing fairies; happiness and joy. Too much of me will make you sick. What Flavour Are You?

You Got Zac!!! He is ambitious,misunderstood, and
sometimes very dramatic! You love his
enthusiasim, and generousity.Although your
important to him your also not his world (yet)
he's still a young guy at heart and sometimes
would just rather be out riding his dirtbike
then being cozy by a fire place, although he
likes that too. He also likes just being at
home and being able to have a noraml life as
often as possible.

Which Hanson Is You Dream Guy
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What Finding Nemo Character are You?
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Blue Eyes

What Color Eyes Should You Have?
brought to you by Quizilla

You are Love. You love life, you love all those around you and
the world that you live in. You are happiest
when you are doing something for someone else
or for the common good of mankind.

What Emotion Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

You're A School Girl! You may not get the best grades, but you'll always
be found sporting your sleek school uniform.
You've got school spirit, and lots of it!
Pocket PCs and Pocky can be found in your
backpack, and you love cute stuffed animals
like teddy bears and bunnies!

What Type Of Anime Character Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Old. You'll have a long (happy?) life and you'll
die at a very elderly age. Like 80 or
something. Nothing to roll your eyes at, eh?
Probably from a disease or something. You
wanted to die young, because you're a bit of a
slug and don't have many goals, but you never
get what you want.

At what age will you die?
brought to you by Quizilla

You are Romans.

Which book of the Bible are you?
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You're nothing, really. But you're nice.

What type of music are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

What Is Your Animal Personality?
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you're indie!

How can I label you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Pink: You see the world in bright pink. The world is a
happy, happy place! You love all people and
things!! Life is great! You're just like a
happy child. Spread the cheer.
Made by
Sara

What color do you see the world in?
brought to you by Quizilla

I am an overly happy A.D.D kitten

Which cute or possibly strange kitten are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

What rating is your journal?
brought to you by Quizilla

What cartoon dog are you?
Brought to you by the good folks at sacwriters.com.

Which Cartoon Cat Are You? Quiz by gypsydance

What Planet Are You From?
this quiz was made by The Autist Formerly Known As Tim

What Yu-Gi-Oh Character Are You?
Test by Dan.

You are Ryou Bakura!
Which Yu Gi Oh Character Are You?
Laboriously developed by: Kitzaku-san

Black Magician Girl

Which Yu-Gi-Oh Duel Monster are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

quiz created by Tsukitty

I'm just watching a bad dream I'd never wake up from.
Find out what anime bad boy you are.

You represent... naivete. So innocent and trusting... you can be very shy at
times, but it's only because you're not sure
how to act. You give off that "I need to
be protected vibe." Remember that not all
people are good. Being too trusting will get
you easily hurt.

What feeling do you represent?
brought to you by Quizilla

A GIRLY-GIRL. You dont have a lot of self-esteem
and people are always bringing you down for
being sad. What do they know, anyway? You feel
like youre too mature for your age and are
frustrated by the trend-followers who refuse to
accept you because youre not like them. Your virtues: Intelligence, understanding nature,
modesty. Your flaws: Lack of social life, inferiority
complex, timidity.

What kind of girl are you?
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Congratulations!! You're a glass of water!! . .. um

What Drink Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

You're goin' down! FOR KIDNAPPING! Please rate if you liked! If you're a goth please visit
groups.msn.com/gothicteensoftheworld and join
up cause it rules!

What Would You Go to Jail For? (Many outcomes)
brought to you by Quizilla

Your: Happy eyes! Your cheerfull, bright and always
want to try something new. Your inquisitive and
quite lovable. You have many friends and will
succseed in life.

What type of eyes do you have?
brought to you by Quizilla

Everyone remembers the 'faked-orgasm-in-a-deli'
sequence from your kind of movie When Harry Met
Sally. It seems that you're falling for a buddy
or have already fallen for them. Uh-oh. You're
probably caught between the possibility of
having a great relationship and wrecking the
one you have now. You know what they say, it's
better to regret something you did than
something you didn't do.

What Romance Movie Best Represents Your Love Life?
brought to you by Quizilla

Schoolgirl

What's your sexual appeal?
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You'd turn into a War Horse. Strong, brave and
loyal like a war horse you are protective of
family and friends and generally polite and
freindly to people you dont know or just met.
However your attitude can change quickly if
your family or friends are threatened in anyway
and you quickly fight it off. However because
of your protective attitude you can oftern find
yourself getting angry and interfering if you
see anyone being threatened and cant defend
themselves.

What animal would you turn into?
brought to you by Quizilla

Who Will You Marry? by Sari
Name
Date November 20, 2051
Spouse Justin Timberlake
Price of Wedding $200,121
Created with quill18's MemeGen!

The World Is MINE! by Demonac
Name:
You will conquer: the United States of America (and make if illegal for Jay Leno and Conan Obrien to make fun of you).
Your title will be: God
You will succeed by: Cloning an army of Blizzard game devellopers.
Your Enforcers will be: The Antarans (from Masters of Orion II).
Your first act as ruler: Ban any movie with Dog/Ape/Boobs/Party/Dumb/Dude/Cat/Punk/Ernest/Twin/Titanic or Adventure in the name.
Created with quill18's MemeGen!

You're Most Like The Season Autumn ... You're warm, and the most approachable. You have
that gentle prescence about you. People can
relate to you, and find you easy company.
However it's likely you've been hurt in the
past and it has left you scarred so things can
become rather chilly with you at times. Being
the third Season in, you're mature, trustworthy
and loyal to your friends but prone to
depression and negative thinking. Well done... You're the shy and sensitive season :)

?? Which Season Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla

! You are most like An Emerald ! Caring, giving, - and very emotional. You're the
person people turn to with a problem. You worry about
everybody, and genuinely want to help - a little too much
sometimes. As an emerald, you tend to take a more backseat to
the other gems, but your inner beauty soon captivates those
who take the time to get to know you. Congratulations ... You're the selfless gem
everybody needs as a friend.

?? Which Precious Gem Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla

You are Envy! Wow... what a dreamer. Always wanting what you
can't have, and always dreaming of having more
then you do. It's not the worst sin, and we're
all guilty of it - but you take it to the
extreme! You are prone to depression, often
from things you can't obtain. Be a bit more
positive, you have a lot that others want too -
so don't sit there being all green! On the
positive side, you tend to be a smart person -
and can often achieve the goals you set
yourself. Congratulations on being the overall harmless, and
pretty normal one of the 7 deadly sins :)

?? Which Of The Seven Deadly Sins Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla

Your Norrington You're honest. You always try to do what you know
is best. You can always put someone else's
happiness before yours.

-x-What charater from Pirates of the Carribbean are you?(with pictures)-x-
brought to you by Quizilla

Elizabeth Swann! You posess the personality of the beautiful
Elizabeth Swann! Daughter of the Governer,
Elizabeth perfers to be treated like a normal
woman, with more capabilities than presumed!
You, like Elizabeth, are smart, headstrong, and
don't take "no" for an answer! Good
for you!

Are You a Pirate or a Landlubber? (Based on Pirates of the Caribbean)
brought to you by Quizilla

You are Form 0, Phoenix: The Eternal. "And The Phoenix's cycle had reached
zenith, so he consumed himself in fire. He
emerged from his own ashes, to be forever
immortal." Some examples of the Phoenix Form are Quetzalcoatl
(Aztec), Shiva (Indian), and Ra-Atum
(Egyptian). The Phoenix is associated with the concept of life,
the number 0, and the element of fire. His sign is the eclipsed sun. As a member of Form 0, you are a determined
individual. You tend to keep your sense of
optomism, even through tough times and have a
positive outlook on most situations. You have
a way of looking at going through life as a
journey that you can constantly learn from.
Phoenixes are the best friends to have because
they cheer people up easily.

Which Mythological Form Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
Lethargic Drunk. "HHhhh...I'm sleepy." You might be one of the other drunk types for a
while.. but you usually end up falling assleep
before the party's over. When you are awake,
you tend to be in your own world, observing how
funny things look with beer goggles on.

What Kind of Drunk are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Your soul is bound to the Eleventh and final
Totem, Trinity: The White Stag. Trinity appears as a white, antlered deer. She
embodies beauty, style, charisma, and
grace. She is associated with the color
white, the season of spring, and the element of
fire. Her downfall is vanity. You are most compatible with Doves and Snakes.

Which Animal Spirit Totem Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

You are Fresh Mint. You are caring and friendly. You have a nurturing
personality and always help out a friend in
need. You are fairly outgoing, and always show
a friendly face. You truly care for other
people, and you show it. However, you may
neglect your own responsibilites or become over
involved in your friends' personal affairs. Most Compatible With: Orange

Which Tic-Tac Flavor Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Your soul is bound to the Yellow Rose: The
Gentle. "I've travelled through the land of
surrender and seen it all. I throw my heart
out and keep my head up, and now I travel
through the land of peace." The Yellow Rose is associated with friendship,
intuition, and fun. It is governed by the
goddess Hestia and its sign is The Intertwined
Rings, or True Friendship. As a Yellow Rose, you always look out for your
friends. You would much rather have strong
ties with friends than a single tie with a
lover and your devotion to your friends is
clear. You may have great intuition and be
able to read emotions clearly, but sometimes
you can seem distant yourself.

What Rose Is Your Soul Bound To?
brought to you by Quizilla

You are James! Often caught in situations
you'd rather not be in (yet always looking divine!), no-one yet understands the real you.
Take The Pok?opolis Pok?on Fan Personality Test by Misty Maniac.

Often caught in situations you'd rather not be in (yet always looking divine!) no-one yet understands the real you.
Troubles in the past with family and love have caused you to abandon much of that life, and with your new found friendships you are able to break free and finally open the closet door to that secret you've hidden, with gay abandon.
However, you have bad taste in friends, and not everyone is willing to accept you for yourself, constantly trying to seize and control you, casting you aside once they have had their dirty, sweaty, thrusting way with you.
Remember to show your true flair to the world and never be afraid to squeal with delight, no matter how terrible a situation you find yourself in.

You're Jessie's assassin! Thank you! It's a good
thing you don't like people who think too much
of themselves and try to steal useless monsters
they'll never get. Finally, somebody will
destroy Jessie *is happy*.

What Pokemon character is best for you to assassinate?
brought to you by Quizilla
img src="//images.quizilla.com/D/DaydreamingDisaster/1034849992_ew_04_pics.gif" border="0" alt="alice_preview_04_pics">
You are Alice! Curious and interested in
everything, every day is an adventure for you!
Be careful though, because sometimes your
insatiable curiosity can get you into trouble.

What Disney Character Are You?(females)
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You are Darren Hayes!

Which Savage Garden member are you?
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<<>>???What Kind Of Angel R You???<<>>( Anime Pics )
brought to you by Quizilla

You are Ryou. Now remember to visit
http://crescent-noise.net/darkmagiciangirl ^^
quiz by Taryn

Which Yu-Gi-Oh character are you most like? (contains pics)
brought to you by Quizilla

Forrest Gump!

What movie Do you Belong in?(many different outcomes!)
brought to you by Quizilla

You're just the happy go-lucky type. You might have
your pet peeves, but other than that, you're
mainly calm. Blending in with your
surroundings, you're the type of person who
everyone likes. Usually it's you who cracks
jokes at social gatherings - after all,
laughter is the best medicine. Sometimes you
pretend to be stupid, but in all actuality, you
could be the next Einstein.

What Type of Soul Do You Have ?
brought to you by Quizilla

Hi-thare, silly buns! I'm JJ!
Click here to find out what "Fake" character you are!
You're Ryo. Calm and collected, youre not quite
sure of what to do when put into personal
situations, but you're always prepared at work.
Youre an excellent police officer, but you may
need to work on your social skills a bit. Good
for you anyway; you keep your cool and dont get
mad easily!

What "Fake" Character Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

You act like a 3 year old most of the time but you have a ton of talent stored inside you. You are passionate about the things you're good at and you love to have fun. You always have a cute stuffed animal beside you and you love to play around with it. You have a weird way of helping people, but you help them nevertheless. XD
Which Gravitation Character Are YOU?
Take the quiz at Dare to Dream

The long haired beauty from Kyoto, Usami Ayaka.
You're usually quiet and meek and you're in
love with Uesugi Eiri (Yuki). You get upset
with Shuichi and bitchslap the poor guy, but
soon realize you and Eiri are not meant to be,
so you move onto Hiro...

~*~Which Gravitation Character Are You?~*~
brought to you by Quizilla

Which Gravitation Character Are You?
Test Created By oronoda

People don't often understand you - on one side, you like dressing up in animal clothes and maintaining the mentality of a seven year old. On another side, you can be serious when you want to, and you can give fairly good advice - but playing with your kumagorou is much more fun!

Which Gravitation Character Are You?

A child at heart, you aren't really a real child. Therefore, you must be Sakuma Ryuuichi from the series Gravitation. You have your mature moments and your moments of insight, however all the other times, you act like you are five years old. You have probably hung onto all your toys and stuffed animals from childhood and still watch cartoons. Spontaneous, no one knows what to respect from you. This is because you believe life is too short to take it seriously!

What anime kid are you?Test Created By oronoda

Rikku

Which Final Fantasy X-2 character are you?
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which member of nittle grasper are you? click here!
The Dante's Inferno Test has sent you to Purgatory!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:
Level Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers) Very High
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers) High
Level 2 (Lustful) Very Low
Level 3 (Gluttonous) Moderate
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious) Low
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy) Low
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics) Very Low
Level 7 (Violent) Low
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers) Moderate
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous) Low

Take the Dante's Divine Comedy Inferno Test

You scored as Envy.

Envy
94%
Gluttony
75%
Pride
69%
Sloth
62%
Lust
31%
Greed
25%
Wrath
12%

Seven deadly sins
created with QuizFarm.com

What Is Your Best Sexual Skill?

Name:
Age:
Sex:
Sexuality:
Flirting Skill Level - 5%
Kissing Skill Level - 46%
Cudding Skill Level - 90%
Sex Skill Level - 34%
Why They Love You You give much more than you receive.
Why They Hate You You are too sexy.

This QuickKwiz by lady_wintermoon - Taken 1112166 Times.
New - COOL Dating Tips and Romance Advice!

BRANDY

B is for Bright

R is for Radical

A is for Abstract

N is for Naughty

D is for Darling

Y is for Yummy

What Does Your Name Mean?

You Are 13 Years Old

13 Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

You Have A Type A- Personality

A- You are one of the most balanced people around Motivated and focused, you are good at getting what you want You rule at success, but success doesn't rule you. When it's playtime, you really know how to kick back Whether it's hanging out with friends or doing something you love! You live life to the fullest - encorporating the best of both worlds

Do You Have a Type A Personality?

Your Dominant Intelligence is Linguistic Intelligence

You are excellent with words and language. You explain yourself well. An elegant speaker, you can converse well with anyone on the fly. You are also good at remembering information and convicing someone of your point of view. A master of creative phrasing and unique words, you enjoy expanding your vocabulary. You would make a fantastic poet, journalist, writer, teacher, lawyer, politician, or translator.

What Kind of Intelligence Do You Have?

Dance the night away by karchan85
Name
What you Look like
The Music Latin
Quiz created with MemeGen!

Who Will You Marry? by Sari
Name
Date	November 20, 2051
Spouse	Justin Timberlake
Price of Wedding	$200,121

Created with quill18's MemeGen!

The World Is MINE! by Demonac
Name:
You will conquer:	the United States of America (and make if illegal for Jay Leno and Conan Obrien to make fun of you).
Your title will be:	God
You will succeed by:	Cloning an army of Blizzard game devellopers.
Your Enforcers will be:	The Antarans (from Masters of Orion II).
Your first act as ruler:	Ban any movie with Dog/Ape/Boobs/Party/Dumb/Dude/Cat/Punk/Ernest/Twin/Titanic or Adventure in the name.

Created with quill18's MemeGen!

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Very High
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	High
Level 2 (Lustful)	Very Low
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	Moderate
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Low
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Low
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Very Low
Level 7 (Violent)	Low
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	Moderate
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Low