It seems funny that after all this time, it feels comforting to come here to talk to Master Law. A girl isn't sure He comes to these pages anymore to see if she's updated... it hurts to come here, knowing that this page was built for Him. But a girl still loves and cares for Him deeply on so many levels. Because she can't tell Him or anyone else how she really feels, this is where she will come. Heard a song today while cleaning house..and felt this was the perfect place to come put it, even if not all the words are totally approrpriate, it's a beautiful song. So here it is:
Why?
Why, do you always do this to me?
Why, couldn't you just see through me?
How come, you act like this
Like you just don't care at all
Do you expect me to believe I was the only one to fall?
I can feel, I can feel you near me, even though you're far away
I can feel, I can feel you baby, why
It's not supposed to feel this way
I need you, I need you
More and more each day
It's not supposed to hurt this way
I need you, I need you, I need you
Tell me, are you and me still together?
Tell me, do you think we could last forever?
Tell me, why
Hey, listen to what we're not saying
Let's play, a different game than what we're playing
Try, to look at me and really see my heart
Do you expect me to believe I'm gonna let us fall apart?
I can feel, I can feel you near me, even when you're far away
I can feel, I can feel you baby, why
It's not supposed to feel this way
I need you, I need you
More and more each day
It's not supposed to hurt this way
I need you, I need you, I need you
Tell me, are you and me still together?
Tell me, you think we could last forever?
Tell me, why
So go and think about whatever you need to think about
Go on and dream about whatever you need to dream about
And come back to me when you know just how you feel, you feel
I can feel, I can feel you near me, even though you're far away
I can feel, I can feel you baby, why
It's not supposed to hurt this way
I need you, I need you
More and more each day
It's not supposed to hurt this way I need you, I need you, I need you
Tell me
It's not supposed to hurt this way
I need you, I need you
More and more each day
It's not supposed to hurt this way
I need you, I need you, I need you
Tell me, are you and me still together?
Tell me, do you think we could last forever?
Tell me, why
It has taken a girl this long to come to her web pages... Sadly, On July 28th, faith went to a trusted FM and had her steel removed. After 9 months, trying and believing a girl could no longer hang on to someone who did not want to be held. After a phone call to His house the following week, hearing His voice on the phone, only to be told "I'm sorry He's not here" was to much for a girl... So in closing... she will be fine... she has moved back Home so to speak and resides with Master Kasak and Mistress Felicia once more.
Below is a song she heard recently that... well just says it all
Now And Then
The past is so familiar
But that's why you couldn't stay
Too many ghosts, too many haunted dreams
Beside you were built to find your own way...
But after all these years, I thought we'd still hold on
But when I reach for you and search your eyes
I see you've already gone...
That's OK
I'll be fine
I've got myself, I'll heal in time
But when you leave just remember what we had...
There's more to life than just you
I may cry but I'll make it through
And I know that the sun will shine again
Though I may think of you now and then...
Can't do a thing with ashes
But throw them to the wind...
Though this heart may be in pieces now
You know I'll build it up again and
I'll come back stronger than I ever did before
Just don't turn around when you walk out that door...
That's OK
I'll be fine
I've got myself, I'll heal in time...b ut when you leave just remember what we had...
There's more to life than just you
I may cry but I'll make it through
And even though our stories at the end
I still may think of you now and then...
Wow, twice in a few days... *chuckles*... faith decided it was high time that she begin writing to Master again in her journal. Even if He can't be here with her, perphaps He looks at her journal to see what her thoughts are through His absence.
Lately a girls been busy d/l'ing music in the hopes to return to being a DJ once her computer is restored. Today while cleaning house, she popped some of the songs into her winamp and ended up walking from one room into where the computer is to listen to the song.. she thought she would share it with Master to give Him kind of an idea what she has been feeling.
"I'm With You"
Avrill Lavigne
I'm Standing on a bridge
I'm waitin in the dark
I thought that you'd be here by now
Theres nothing but the rain
No footsteps on the ground
I'm listening but theres no sound
Isn't anyone tryin to find me?
Won't somebody come take me home
It's a damn cold night
Trying to figure out this life
Wont you take me by the hand
take me somewhere new
I dont know who you are
but I... I'm with you
im looking for a place
searching for a face
is anybody here i know
cause nothings going right
and everythigns a mess
and no one likes to be alone
Isn't anyone tryin to find me?
Won't somebody come take me home
It's a damn cold night
Trying to figure out this life
Wont you take me by the hand
take me somewhere new
I dont know who you are
but I... I'm with you
Even though faith knows who Master is... she misses Him dreadfully. Wishing things were better for Him and His r/l. Not only His relationship but His health.
Just missing Master more and more each day. Hoping He gets better soon and returns to take faith once more into His arms, reassuring all is well..
It has been way to long since faith has come here. Things have just been odd. She was offline for awhile.. and Master has been offline awhile. Not only is He sick right now, He is having to deal with things in r/l that faith can't even begin to understand. Part of her does not want to be a burden to Him and desires for Him to release her. The other part loves Him and hates leaving Him when He needs her. In this, He has the answer. Knowing He can't be here, will it make faith happier or unhappier? WEll not happy that He's not here but happy that He's taking care of business. *sighs*... she's so scared, so confused. Scared for Him, scared for His relationship.. Scared just plain scared.
*sighs* needed to write tonight. So many things going on.. Not only online for her, but in r/l and she just needed a place to come rant. Now that she's here she doesn't even know what to say.. perhaps tomorrow... soon.. don't know.. just knows.. changes need to be made and not sure how to get them changed.
IN devotion,
faith{Law}
Reflections of a slaves behavior
It feels as if it's been forever since faith came to her journal, but in reality it's only been a week. The past few weeks since Master collared a girls sister it has not been as bad as she had thought. Over the week Master has gotten to spend alot of time with His faith, just His being with her has calmed alot of her fears. This weekend, faith approached a subject that she felt she could approach with Him without Him hearing anger and resentment as He had before. The conversation went well, UNTIL faith used a phrase that left no room for doubt that Master got very upset with her. "Time will tell" Those will be three words faith never utters again in ANY fashion. But instead of begging immediate forgiveness when she realized He was not pleased, faith's mouth re-opened and she tried to explain herself only making it worse and worse. faith knows better, and knows that she's going to feel her familiar friend.. "leather" which she's come to think of her leather gag as called. *sighs softly*.. Master is so patient with her, yet she continues to push not because she's wanting too... she has no idea why she pushes buttons. Especially after such a lovely few weeks. faith WANTS and NEEDS Master to be relaxed when He goes offline, she enjoys that time with Him, and WANTS and NEEDS Him to want to come be with her, spending His time with her in a favorable fashion, not in a fashion of being gagged and displeased with His beast.
Things she knows: Master loves her. Master is her teacher and her guidance and He wants what is only best for her. He would never do anything to purposely hurt her feelings or harm her in any fashion as who wants a broken toy? *smiles faintly* and in all things, Master knows her greatest desire is to be pleasing at all times, and that is her focus 95% of the time.. The other 5% she focuses on herself, her wants, her needs her desires... when she should be focusing 100% on Him, cuz if she did.. then her wants,needs and desires would be met. *hmmmmms GRINS*... ooh faith loves You Master.. Thank You for being so patient and kind with her when sometimes she knows You'd really like to just wring her neck.
In loving devotion and dedication to the Owner of her heart,
faith{Law}
ahh... *smiles warmly as she cuddles up with her journal, she pulls out the scroll, inks and her favorite quill. Tapping her chin she again smiles then begins to write..*
Dearest Master..
For 8 months now, You have owned this one. You and she have travled a long journey, over the months she has hit alot of bumps in the road to her slavery. It has not been easy for You or for she. You went from having a FW friend, to having a slave, as well as that slave being Your friend. One who was around almost as often as You were if not more, to having a slave that was rarely on. With patience we have survived it, probably better then You thought she would. *winks playfully*. Through the patches though, You have remained steadfast to her, to her wants, desires etc. Perhaps You haven't communicated with her as often as she would like, but really all she ever wanted was just a drop in email with "Hi I'm alive and doing okay.. see you soon." Nothing elaborate, but You make no promises, and she's alrighty with that. As time allows though, You give her so much. Friday night and Saturday night, You spent time with her. IT was such a joy to serve You once more. Part of her.. restlessness has been that she feels she has let You down, that she's not here, that she's NOT serving as best that she can. Ahhh Master.. a girl cannot even describe the feelings that You still pull forth from her. Your name comes onto her notify and she glows from within, a smile spreads across her lips, making her eyes twinkle and her heart race. You make her even after 8 months FEEL, she feels excited to see You come on, joy, and wonder that You still desire her. When she leaves her mirc on and has to step away to deal with life, she feels disappointment that she has missed You, but a feeling of love also fills her, as then she knows You're doing okay... it's a relief if that word fits that.
There are times she has so much to say to You, but knows that Your time is so precious that she holds back and she shouldn't do that, she is working on this, and will be thankful once her net connection is back fully. *SOOON*!!!! Hopefully with that she'll have more time to be Yours again, to find her fullfillment at Your feet once more. And perhaps be able to deal better with having another *sister*. And for once, Your faith is going to NOT go there.. *giggles*.. and she's just going to be happy for You, Happy that in her absense You have someone else...
With each new day, she finds new meaning to who she is, what she is. Thank You for that Master Law.. Thank You for that. For Your continued patience... faith feels she could try a saint or drive Him to drink at least *winks and sloshes around one of Your scotches*. You make her smile Master, and You make her heart soar that the past two nights You have left online with happiness once more with her. she knows over the past few months, she's truly disappointed You and made You.. wouldn't say mad, but maybe frustrated, so being able to spend time with You, joking and talking, serving You.... it has lightened her, and helped her.
AND MASTER... she came to her journal with HAPPY THOUGHTS!!!! Today was just marvelous.. and last night.. Mmmmmm's... Your girl is such a slut.. *giggles*.. but faith does not think You would wish her to be otherwise. ... so in closing Master...
*faith bows her head to Your boots, cheek craddled against the hard leather, she whispers.. la kajira Master... Your kajira as long as You desire her.
In Loving Devotion, ... Master Laws faith{Law}
After a few days of calming down and alot of talking with Master, this one can honestly say she's coming to her web page with HAPPY news. she is now known as faith{Law}. Master says in latin it means "to trust" It's beautiful, and she's thankful He's such a wonderful forgiving Man... His girl isn't sure how it'll all work out, but with a name like this she IS going to have faith in Him and be patient that it'll all work out for the best. Only faith can make herself miserable and hopes that Master and her sister continue to be patient with her. she knows in her heart that this will the toughest part of her slavery but it will make her stronger and better.
Thank You Master for the gift of Your LOVE.
~In Loving Devotion~
There never seems to be enough time to be online, to do updates and all that.. and it seems the only time this one comes here is when something bad happens, so yups you got it.. something bad well something different has happened. Master Law has taken a second girl.. well third if You count His real life.. this girl isn't sure where she fits now into His life.. this girl He's taken was a FW.. and now.. well now thinks that this woman is trying to push me out of His life. She knew how i felt about chains, yet she used their friendship to gain His collar and protection.. what game is she playing and how many people are going to be hurt by the outcome of this. I really want to tell Master either she goes or i go..but i think in the end it will be me that goes. There's something about a newly collared slave that is thirlling to Masters.. and by now after 7 months... this girl is old shoe for Master. *sighs* girl feels as if she's losing Master and after her mouth overloaded her brain really feels she's pushed Him away.. Really wants to tell that FW/Slave to bugger off and leave Master alone, but knows she won't, and knows she won't be speaking to her anytime soon as Master won't allow His girl to know her name.. Prolly a good thing right now though i honestly do not feel i would badger her or harrrass her.. prolly wouldn't say much and would avoid being online when she is. Maybe Master knows that.. but not knowing her nick hurts too because if a girl does get time with Master she'll always be wondering if she's sharing Him.. Already has to share her time with Him when He manages to come online as it's so infrequent anymore.. that yeah she's selfish and wants what little time she has with Him to be a joyful occassion to many times in the past she's been a pain in the arse and He's left upset or frustrated with her.... she just wants to be pleasing and can't even seem to do that anymore and now feels she won't ever have the oppurnity to have Master to herself.. *sighs softly again * well a girl is crying again so is going to go...
Feeling lost.. and very very alone
PHEW~ it has been a busy month! a girl hasn't had ANY time to spend on the net, and if she does, her connection sucks so bad she's been scared to come try to log on..
Life has been, not a pretty picnic, but one won't go there. Tonight earlier got to see Master, that was awesome... then He had to go, am sorry He is not feeling well and prays that He'll be better soon. His girl misses Him so much but sees a bright blink of hope in about 1.5 months that He'll have her more to Himself..
aaminah bitched at this one again tonight, calling her all sorts of horrid names, has put her on ignore finially. Something one should have done long ago instead of trying to remain her friend. Can't be a friend to someone who turns on you every chance they get.. sighs... girl doesn't have many friends, but doesn't need that one anymore.. Claims that this slave "stole Master Law" from her.. girl wants to yank out her own hair with the times she has told that twit that NO in fact Crea did NOT steal Him.. how can You steal a Master? Perhaps He was never hers to begin with. What Master wants a girl that is not pleasing? His beast wasn't pleasing tonight, told that girl to f**k off.. oh made this one so mad.. and this girl is WAY better then that, but had no idea where this snit came from tonight, messaged her to say HI.. and got slammed.! Even messaged her Master and told Him, that *syn* was taking Him off of her yahoo messenger as His girl thought this girl was trying to *steal Him* as if one would try.. she already has the best Master in the world.. and a boyfriend to boot AND a Man stalking her.. wtf? and that girl TOLD this one to put Him on her notify.. GEESH.. aye a girl is very upset, did not deserve it.. and omg this slave is SO tired.. so is off to lala land, was hoping to get to see Master again tonight, but bets He was still not feeling well so went on to bed.
Sweet dreams Master, Your girl loves and misses You...
~*~ In Devotion~*~
*grins, guess a girl needs to be careful of her dates, lol. Well it's been about 1.5 weeks since You recollared Your slave. In that week and a half You've given her some various tasks to do. One of those being creating a space to write things she can do when You're not around, and in general busy work as Your slave likes to call it. You've asked her to nadu every day for 5 mins a day. To be honest Master, a girl hasn't done that everyday, she apologizes for not following Your orders, usually the time that Your girl does this is when she's in the bathtub sitting in the hot water well kneeling as a girl has to kneel to wash her hair, but she kneels and closes her eyes reflecting on her day to come, and what has passed in the last few days. It's a quiet time for her when no one else is usually around. Alot of her thoughts go back and forth so she won't even try to tell You what all she thinks about, unless You have a few dozen hours. *warm smiles*
Your girl will tell You that she does think about You often through the day, wondering what You are doing, thinking and feeling. Wondering if You think about her too, wondering if You're busy working away or if You're taking care of Yourself and relaxing from time to time. Taking a break to smell the flowers (or ali). You feel her thoughts oftentimes. Your girl realizes that we don't have much time, and in an email recently that You wrote her, You told her that the time that she was online when You were is unacceptable basically, but when Your girl does come online when she thinks You're going to be here, You're not. Your beast knows You cannot give her a set schedule of when You'll be on, but if You could help her out here and give her basic ideas when she'll be able to catch You would be fabulous. Usually when Your girl gets home from work, she jets online, but if she doesnt see You, she goes on to bed. Though tonight she got home a lil after 4am and lingered while she wrote in her journal and updated the Treasured page. After 30 mins and pining herself she went on to bed, still very exhausted from the weekend and a girls shoulder is out of whack so sitting here typing is kind of painful.
~In Loving devotion... His~
*laying curled up on her side, small fists curled beneath her cheek as she lays on the hard unyeilding floor of her cage, a soft sigh falls from her lips. Tonight she disappointed Master with thoughtless words meant as a jest, but she should KNOW not to test Him right now, that this time is very fragile and His time is precious to her. Someday she shall learn to keep her mouth shut and not test Him, especially if she knows not what kind of mood He is in. Things He allowed syn, He will no doubt NOT allow His beast now.
You know Master after emailing You earlier today and she was standing doing dishes, an odd place to reflect back to the days events, but You do fill her mind in her everyday tasks. She was thinking about her conversation with breeze and how breeze couldn't understand why this slave didn't have a name. At first this girl couldn't believe she didn't get it after she told her "Because Master wishes it" it really dawned on Your beast how lucky she is. OH sure You're a harsh Master, but only because You have high expectations within slaves, ESPECIALLY You're own.. so does that really make You harsh? hmmm the slave that kneels at Your feet does not think so, otherwise why would she have craved Your Mastery? Your touch, Your knowledge? It gave her pause in her thoughts to contmeplate that she TRULY is blessed, and how there are so many that will never truly know what it's like to be *Slave*. This one sometimes doesn't feel she is slave, she has so much to learn, not that she does not have the desire Master, but she does have the desire to be Your slave at it's very fullest, but wonders often..... what is it about her that is so deserving of Your attentions? Why her? Why alot of whys... is that selfish thinking to wonder what it is about her that draws You to her? What draws You to want to Master her, to Own her as no other. A girls not talking about real life, but online only here. This one wouldn't even think to compare her part in Your life in place of a girls sweet sister. That is a place this one will NEVER try to replace, she knows she's different, and is thankful that her sister is so caring and giving. What does she think about all this? About You giving Your girl another chance?
Hmmm's seems a girls mind has really been full of thoughts. Perhaps that's because it's almost 5am here, and she's exhausted from punching #s all night long at work... So with warm thoughts she blows Your way, praying Your visit with family is going well, and that You are having an even more outrageously fantastic break from work, school and life in general and that You are getting to spoil that sweet sister of mine. Adoring You both, and sending sweet naughty whimsical dreams Your way...
~In Loving devotion and servitude to One. Proud slave of Law~ HIS!!
Wow it has been over a month in a half since syn wrote in her journal here... for now a girls name has been changed it is "slave{Law}, Master released her at her request on Feb 24thish, because she was being a selfish uncaring person wanting more then He could give to her. After being released she traveled some, but missed Him, longing for Him and He granted her His mercy by returning His collar to her throat. This beast knows that the journey ahead of her will be much harder then the journey of her past, He will try her patience to the very levels of her ends, and hopefully this time she will show Master how patient she can be, and that she IS deserving to be His. A girl prays He'll never regret taking her back... she loves Him with all of her being, and prays to be all that He has ever desired in a slave. His pleasure her main concern, His being pleased with her is what will drive her to new depths of her slavery to Him.
Wow, it has been way to long since I have journaled. Life sometimes is NOT NICE! I am semi moved, I hate moving, lol, my connection sucks, but overall it's okie dokie. Last night syn got to see Master *WEG*, got to be onery. Honestly it really shocked syn, she was not planning on Master using syn's mouth at all, but He allowed it and omg she was so pent up horny that it was very explosive. Not sure who she shocked more, herself or Him. *giggles*, syn does believe He walked away happy and prays ali got a lil of that benefit, lol. Mmm's, so syn was to journal today bout last night and her orgasm. Was kind of freaky knowing that the Sir in my life was going to be home soon, the wind was battering the apartment so every lil sound was very intensified of "oh gosh is syn busted for masterbating?", lol.. but a girl did, and it was very explosive, thinking about what had happened, how horny she was, how wet she was, and how much longing she had. Why is it the men in syn's live love to make her suffer? LOL... but thank You Master for the gift of an orgasm, for the time that You allowed syn, and the talks that we had. Settling down again, and hopefully soon we'll get into a different pattern one of seeing each other more again, lol.
syn knows You long for someone to play with at the different times of day when You are on... have You found someone Master, that You would spend Your time with? syn loves You and wishes for all Your happiness, does not wish to be selfish.. like a girl said last night... she does love You, but loves You enough to let go if that's what needs to happen, WOULD NOT LIKE IT... not one bit, but syn understands fully. Welllll time will tell, for now You are happy, and to syn that's what matters and knows the day if that comes, and it changes, You will let her know, it's not something she herself should be worrying about until You tell her diffy.
You are napping now, and syn is about to, but wanted to get this journal done before she did. Love You Master
~In Devotion~
web link i found holding it here for now for me... it's HOSTAGE! LOL....
http://www.ds-heartsdesire.com/exprs.html
*wraps arms about herself snuggling down into Your cloak as You left it behind tonight in Treve in Your hurry to take care of business, tis 12:22am. syn is safely warm in thoughts of You as she thinks about the coming days and nights. Wanting to be pleasing to You, pondering her thoughts on the structure of Gor, and how much it has changed. Thinking of the old days when kajira knew what it meant to be kajia, questioning her own behavior wondering how different she is from others. How some Free love the bratiness, and others love the vibrant beauty that a kajira can show. Sometimes crossing the line of good and evil we all do this syn thinks, but she strives in her actions and wonders how often she faulters, but longs to be perfect and knows she'll never reach that status as she'll always error somewhere, at some point along the way. How quickly she is reminded of who and what she is when she hangs herself on that rope of her slavery. Lots to ponder.. Well You popped on and it's now nearing 1:15 am so syn is going to toddle off to bed with her thoughts... Your beast loves You Master. Thank You so much for Your time today and tonight. Though it was not as much as we both would have liked, at least we had some time. syn prays You and meena enjoyed your night together, and may you both have blessed and peaceful dreams.
~*~ In devotion~*~
Love
A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness.
Respect
To feel or show deferential regard for; esteem.
To relate or refer to; concern
see regard:
To look at attentively; observe closely.
To look upon or consider in a particular way
To hold in esteem or respect:
To relate or refer to; concern:
To take into account; consider.
Obsolete. To take care of.
v. intr.
To look or gaze.
To give heed; pay attention.
n.
A look or gaze.
Careful thought or attention; heed:
Respect, affection, or esteem: He has high regard for your work. regards Good wishes expressing such sentiment: Give the family my best regards. A particular point or aspect; respect: She was lucky in that regard. Basis for action; motive. Obsolete. Appearance or aspect.
(odd there's more for regard then there was for love)
Devotion
Ardent, often selfless affection and dedication, as to a person or principle.
The act of devoting or the state of being devoted.
hmm, syn is often selfish as she wants time with You, she doesn't know "selfless" very well.
syn looked up need, but it didn't really fit this at all, but she looked up at desire..... syn desires to spend time with You, it's not about need, or wants, it's a desire.
Desire
To wish or long for; want.
To express a wish for; request.
n.
A wish or longing.
A request or petition.
The object of longing: My greatest desire is to go back home.
Sexual appetite; passion.
So why did syn feel the urge to give You all those definitions? Well, after having doubts, syn wanted to be sure of herself, in what she was trying to tell You, or try to explain to You. It's taught her a vaulable lesson. The other day having had a conversation to someone about loyalty syn wonders within her doubts, how loyal she has been? No syn has not broken her restrictions. But bringing doubt into her mind, has that been very loyal? Loyal: Faithful to a person, ideal, custom, cause, or duty. ... Okay according to the defintion aye syn has been loyal to You, as she's been faithful to You. *sighs softly deeply*... doubt: To be undecided or skeptical about: began to doubt some accepted doctrines. To tend to disbelieve; distrust: doubts politicians when they make sweeping statements. To regard as unlikely: I doubt that we'll arrive on time. Archaic. To suspect; fear.
Alright well those don't really fit what syn has been feeling either, syn doesn't disbelieve that You love her, she KNOWS you do. syn trusts You and believes in You so, no doubt wouldn't be the word syn should be using...
syn has alot to think about...
Three Months ago today, You placed Your steel around my heart, though I think it was yours a long time before we each knew it. syn became Yours in our own private world. The past three months have been filled with a bunch of different emotions, love, joy, happiness, a few sad times, and am sure You've been angry at her a few times as she's been angry too more at herself but aye sometimes at You too. Normal syn thinks.
The past few days have been very hard for syn, she's going to be totally honest here, and it will probably anger You, and will probably come bite her on the butt but she has to be honest with You. Above everything else, we have to have that. syn has had doubts about us, she wondered of the pattern, You had aaminah about three months then slowly began going away more and more. Realizing that when You were unhappy with her, you didn't want to come to mirc. Which was understandable. So syn started thinking, well Master isn't here, so maybe He's upset with her, maybe He's not coming to mirc anymore because syn has made Him unhappy. A girl knows the few times we've been together over the past week it hasn't been a joyous occassion for You, and You've left frustrated at her. You know syn does NOT do that on purpose. You also know syn loves You beyond anything ... something You said to her last week really hit her at home and she thought about it alot over the past few days. syn is here for You, You said something along the lines that "When I want to use my slave, you're not here, but you're here when you want to be" i don't have the exact quote as it was when I was at Sir's and was using that horrid java client. Basically You're right, when i can be here, i'm here because i want to be, i'm here because i want to be with You and am hoping for a chance to see You. For three days now, syn has been online. Monday from 8am until after midnight her time to see You, hoping at one point it would be a time You wanted to come see her. Nothing. Even calling though believe me Master syn didn't want to call, lol. Knows that's Your time with ali an hates calling, but Master Kasak wanted her to call, she felt it was important enough. Anyways, Tuesday syn signed on at 8am then went back to bed, she missed You *pouts stomps with a grin* but prays that she is wrong with her doubts. syn is sorry if her doubts anger You. In my heart, syn knows You love her, syn knows You want to be here with her. A girl is confused by Your silence, but she also knows You couldn't predict the weather in Sothern Cali.. then ali came home, *YEAH* honestly syn is thrilled she is home. And now school is starting too.. so knows You have alot on Your plate. So syn knows all these things, so doesn't understand her doubts. Maybe because her real life world is topsy turvey right now without working, wanting to move, and have pretty much decided that is what's going to happen as i'm not finding anything here. Pay is better, it's cheaper to live. One of the things syn wanted to talk to You about. Sir and syn talked about it the other night. He's okay with me being online, though for awhile syn will have to use that blasted java client until i can afford a wirless router thing and can connect through His and the roomies connection on my own computer. Probably won't be very long though once i'm working. He works nights, all during the week usually doesn't get home until 1:30am, so we'd have more time probably then we do now.
Whatever it takes syn wants to remain Yours.
syn keeps hearing these songs lol thought this one was appropriate..
~*~ In loving devotion ~*~
I love You Sarah McLaclan
I have a smile stretched from ear to ear
I see you walking down the road
We meet at the lights, I stare for a while
The world around us disappears
It's just you and me on my island of hope
A breath between us could be miles
Let me surround you, a sea to your shore
Let me be the calm you seek
But every time I'm close to you
There's too much I can't say
And you just walk away
And I forgot to tell you
I love you
And night's too long
And cold here
Without you
I grieve in my condition
For I cannot find the words to say
I need you so
And every time I'm close to you
There's too much I can't say
And you just walk away
And I forgot to tell you
I love you
And night's too long
And cold here
Without you
I grieve in my condition
For I cannot find the words to say I need you so
When one has alot of time on their hands, they tend to go mad, lol. A few days ago on syns way home, two songs came onto the radio that she fell in love with. After alot of searching and a few bad d/l's she found them. These make syn think of You .. and what she's feeling inside.
Are You displeased with her? Are You unhappy? You've not been around but syn does know that ali is #1 important and is trying to be patient. All day a girl has been here and for the next few days probably will be on off and on, part of syn is saddened that You're not around, and mostly she's just confused as You've always given her explainantions and this time she has none. Has it changed that much? *sighs sadly deeply*
Your syn misses You Master, misses our laughter and wants that back. So please she begs Your forgiveness for anything she has done.. she's trying not to be the desperate acting slave, and if You are angered with syn, she just wishes to know.
3 Doors Down: Here without You
A hundred days had made me older
since the last time that I've saw your pretty face
A thousand lights had made me colder and I don't think I can look at this the same
But all the miles had separate
They disappear now when I'm dreaming of your face
I'm here without you baby
but your still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
and I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
but your still with me in my dreams
And tonight it's only you and me
The miles just keep rollin
as the people either way to say hello
I've heard this life is overrated
but I hope that it gets better as we go
I'm here without you baby
but your still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
and I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
but your still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl it's only you and me
Everything I know,
and anywhere I go
it gets hard but it won?t take away my love
And when the last one falls,
when it's all said and done
it get hard but it won't take away my love
I'm here without you baby
but your still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
and I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
but your still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl it's only you and me
The Reason - Hoobastank
i'm not a perfect person. there are many things i wish i didnt do
but i continue learning. i never meant to do those things to you.
and so i have to say before i go, that i just want you to know
i've found a reason for me, to change who i used to be
a reason to start over new, and the reason is you
i'm sorry that i hurt, its something i must live with everyday
and all the pain i put you through, i wish that i could take it all away
and be the one who catches all your tears, thats why i need you to hear
i'm not a perfect person, i never meant to do those things to you
and so i have to say before i go that i just want you to know
i've found a reason for me, to change who i used to be
a reason to start over new, and the reason is you
i've found a reason to show a side of me you didnt know
a reason for all that i do, and the reason is you
heh feels weird writing 2005, guess syn will get used to it, lol.
i've been on and off all day long. Something is going on i don't know what, i pray i am wrong, hoping it is just my over active imagination and that it's just life keeping us apart. I hope so. Just things have felt weird the last few weeks between us. I'm pretty scared actually. You keep telling me to be patient that things will work out yet, You're not here, so my mind works overtime, lol. I am patient, I am understanding just wishing i had more time with You. Missing You dreadfully. Ahhhh gosh. hmm's, dang i miss You. The weather is about to turn nasty here so syn may not be going anywhere over the next few days. Your girl has a job interview on Tuesday, hopefully that will pan out. Can't wait to be working again. Hate being lazy lol.
One of my New Year's Resolutions was to write in my journal more Look Master syn has already done a good job, lol 2 times and it's only the third day of the year! *giggles* okay she's being silly but trying to lighten up from being so uptight worrying about things. The more i worry the more horror i drudge up in my mind so im' going to relax, and i'm going to have faith and patience. Trusting in You. Love You
~In Devotion~
Can You believe it? A new year, a brand new year. Much is in store of us in the upcoming months. syn is pretty scared. Over the holidays syn got fired from her job. *ughs* that still shocks me. i simply wonder if it's all a bad dream but i keep waking up and nothing has changed. Real life is forever revovling, i have no clue even where that goes, just that it's changing and when it changed i'm scared it'll change the online as well. syn keeps praying it won't.
The past two weeks i think have been difficult for Master, things keep happening that prevent us from being together. Things not of our control. syn knows that hasta drive Master nuts. Hopefully though this week things will calm back down. Well she can hope and pray right? (Alright leave syn her fantasy world, she truly believes this week will be much improved) Looking for a job, oh ughs, I hate looking for a job this time of year but syn has faith. Good things prevail. She believes that anyways. WOOHOO You're on! Gosh syn has missed seeing You this past week. Drats the rain in California! *giggles*
~In devotion~
Why is it when syn just longs to spend time with Master, she has to take that step that pushes *THOSE* buttons. Today syn opened her mouth and gasps she forgot to shut it!!! Oh lordy Master was so mad! syn so hates it when she displeases Him. Sometimes she gets it rather quickly but tonight, she was clueless and just would not stop until she had the last word. In the end though He had the last word and she's so thankful for the lesson He taught her on obeying, to having trust and faith in Him. Tonight she walked a line she prays to never walk again. A girl wonders if it is the weather? LOL as syn can't be pleasing today to anyone.
The past weeks have been so stressful. Online not being able to spend time with Master. Offline being stressed about work, now having been let go, she's very confused on what her future holds. Oh lordy how a girl is scared. Wishing above wishes that something would guide her into the right direction, but knows she needs to pull up by the boot strings, take a deep breath and wade right back in. She is so scared of what is going to happen in the future, so very scared. (*takes a deep breath*)
Thank You Master for loving syn and taking Your time with her tonight!
well a girl has no words really other then being ignored sucks. i sit here trying hard not to cry. Jealous is an emotion i just can't stand yet.. i suffer that emotion. sighs.. i can't type about this right now it's so fresh, and hurting and angry, mad at myself.. mad that i let it happen.. .damnit damnit damnit damnit!!!!!
Tis a lil after midnight so she wrote for the new day. Gosh it has been way way to long since syn has updated.. Naughty girl! Life has been way to hectic and syn could feel things burning to be written but there has never been enough time. Tonight a girl made time, she had to it was way past time. 2 months have passed since Master Law collared Crea`, making her His own. Sadly we did not get to see each other on our 2 month day. Both of us have been so busy with real life but hopefully with the holidays life will calm down some. syn so misses the talks that we have when we're both dealing with everything else. And the Drama, don't even let syn go there! OMG it's been horrid.. "As Gor turns" Stay tuned for upcoming events on *Bullshit* *koffs koffs* hahahaha.. Sometimes syn thinks that's anyone online cares about is how much drama they can become involved in and if it will revolve around them. syn knows Master takes pride in being a Sword of the home, but sometimes they take Him for granted. He's a strong and wonderful Master they just need to stop running to Him every time the wind doesn't blow their way.*grins* wow did not know that bugged syn so much LMAO! hehehehehe. Anyways a girl promises she's going to devote more time to her writings on all of her pages and prays Master has patience with her through her online time being limitied on occassion as she and her real life continues evolving the way it has been. But know Master, syn truly loves You and misses You when she can't be here, but also loves Sir and her time with Him. *sighs softly*
It seems only yesterday Master put His steel upon syn's throat, but it really seems like we've always been bound together. He knows syn so completely, so well inside and out. Lately she feels so out of sorts when she comes home, she feels ... lost, above everyone, especailly tonight when they all so obviously were disobeying Master Law, omg she was so disgusted. A girl just does not understand.. but then, one reason syn grew so disgrunted with Gor before was the weak Masters, why should now be any different? THANK GOD syn has Master Law. He lets her get by with NOTHING and aye sometimes she wishes He would, but in the end, well she's so totally thankful He does not. she would wither beneath that if He did. And sometimes, trying to be cute and funny to relieve His tension, she herself gets in trouble.. such is life.. smiles.. but thank god Master is not a weak Man. a girl loves Him so, makes her think about writing a feature.. thinking, pondering, soon syn will have to do that. For Now, a girl is just thankful.
Once again syn let Master down.. she was to have her journal entry done by this morning, oh she had so much to write, so much excitment to write about... now she hurts and aches that she argued with Master. syn is always so excited sometimes does not think first, she lets her happy emotions rule. A few nights ago Master gifted syn, sometimes she does not feel she deserves such a wonderful loving, caring Master one full of strength.. but that is what she has in Master Law.. *s* sometimes she gets very frustrated but mostly at herself when she makes silly lil errors, and that those lil errors lead to such disappointment.. oh lord how syn hates to disappoint Master, her heart aches so much right now and she feels all sick to her tummy.. oh if He only knew how much she loved Him, how she longs for things to always be perfect without Him ever being upset with her. There is so much love and friendship between Master Law and syn and she enjoys those times, hates the times He's so upset with her. So back to her loving caring Master.. He gifted syn with new slave bells one for her ankle, a delicate strand of silver that ring so sweetlie.. and a slave bracelet always to remember. Also a single bell that hangs from her o wring on her collar.. a girl thinks she loves that single bell the most as it was so tenderly given.. not that a girl does not love her bracelet or anklet as she does she adores them, but the collar bell. was so totally ... a girl has no words to explain it believe it or not.. Master is always tender and loving, but it was special, different.
syn is so sorry Master for letting You down. Please forgive her. she will do better she promises. .. i love You Master..
It's been about a week since syn has written in her journal. Wow sometimes it feels like she's on this roller coaster ride, and there's NO stopping point for her to get off when it all gets to be to much. Or maybe more like a carosel, the ride goes round and round, spinning and spinnig and life just happens and she can't slow down to enjoy it. What a long blasted long week without being around Master much, stealing time here and there has been marvelous and knows the next few weeks will be tough but thinks we'll manage. Life is strange, recently syn got back together with a Dom she had dated for awhile, and now it shifts her relationship with Master. Hopefully not but You worry about it Master. For now please lets not stress, a girls trying not to. Thinks we'll be alright. All is good. Tonight we were just down to earth... was so nice, sometimes needs You as that as well as You being Master. The friendship part of us is nice, syn so needed that tonight, just being *US* who we are in real life. Friends.. a girl has so much respect for You Master, please do not worry, things will be alright, she has faith in You, faith in meena.. and faith that this is all going to be alright.
"The love slave is still slave, you see," I said, "and perhaps more so than any other." "Yes," whispered the woman. "She is held in her bondage by the strongest of all bonds," I said, "that of love.'
Mercenaries of Gor, page 318
Something about being in love leaves one open and vulnerable. Tis not often syn aches for things, but the past several days a girls not been able to be online and has missed being with her Master. In ways this spears in two ways. Last time we were together for any length of time was Master setting syn into a punishment. Tonight was the first full night she's felt the effects of the punishment. Oh syn does not mind that she has to sit on the slave furs and that she has to serve, she finds great pleasure in serving. But oh gosh it hurts that syn has to sit on the slave pelts when Master is in the room having been days without Him oh my goodness, a girl will try to explain how that made her feel. This rolling rocking motion in the pit of her stomach, so excited to see Him, moving to His feet with love and pride of being HOME with Him.. then to be dismissed to the furs, oh lordy it felt so horrid inside and syn knows it didn't please Him either. Knows that He knows it hurt syn. How she went all flush and it so embarassed her to be sent back to the furs. *sighs softly* yet syn knows her actions several nights past gave Master the same feeling of embarrassment when His slave decided to go haughty on the Free, so she knows she is deserving of her punishment. Doesn't make it hurt any less though.
The past few days in life have been alright for syn, she spent a wonderful weekend with her children and her family. A girls older sister came to visit with her 18 year old nephew, my has he grown! Makes syn feel especially old all of the sudden, wonders why Master is so interested in such an old lady when there are so many slaves near His own age online.. ahh but syn won't even go there again with her thoughts as she adores Him and doesn't want to be anywhere else but where she is.. at His feet! syn got to see her friend Master Brax, still confused as ever about Him, no biggie though a girl is used to being left in the dark where He's concerned, can't rightly blame Him though for being skitish around syn. How many times has she hurt him? to many to count. Overall it was a wonderful weekened. Glad of the quiet, and no messes but missing the sound of the laughter that echoes with the children.. oh how she misses it when they are gone.
*sweet kisses to You Master*, Lovingly Yours..
syn doesn't really know where to start, tonight was so relaxing, and syn spoke to Master about something that was heavy on her mind.. branding.. a girl will keep most of her thoughts on that right now as that's part of her assignment, but He listend to her. He let her ask an off topic question, listened then gave His thoughts. Truly a girl just sits back in this euphoric state of happiness... even at work, she tends to walk higher, prouder, lifting her chin her back straight. Tries to think of ways to please her Master. The past few days have been abit stressful for her, and will be glad when this week is over with so she can go back to enjoying being online again without worrying about the stress. Well it's not that syn doesn't enjoy being online, just sometimes wishes she could just stay in la la land with Master as the home is so odd lately *laughs*, sometimes it's alright and other times makes her shake her head oh well, Master wants her in Treve, that's where she's gonna be.
syn so did not want to leave tonight, she lingered, lol and well she lingered pretty at least. Every day syn tries to be more pleasing, in all of her actions from how she speaks to the Free, to the slaves but mostly in her interactions with Master. Hopefully syn never lets You down Master. weird, lol sometimes syn talks directly to You Master when she writes here, and sometimes she just refers to You as if she were rambling oh wait she does that often and well. *giggles softly* Oh how syn adores You Master and hopes when You read her journal that You can feel the energy radiating from her happiness.. A girl loves You... and prays You find enjoyment with her always. ~devoted~
Each day is a fresh start for her, she revels in being Yours, the joy and beautfy she finds within herself truly astounds her, and how much she grows by being Your slave. syn has NEVER felt this way about anyone before, You give to her so much, and aye she knows she's thanked You before Master, but well You truly deserve it. You are an AMAZING Master, and each day she is Yours she IS thankful. Okay so syn has told You that alot alot, but You deserve to hear it ALOT especially putting up with the rambling syn girl!!!!
There is so much Freedom being Yours Master, she is constantly learning, but continually strives to be more pleasing, and when she makes You smile, oh gosh You light up her world inside and out, yet when she displeases You it's like thunderclouds and storms roll through her and she feels it for hours. When she disappointed You last night and You spent more then 1 hour not speaking to her oh she was so grim inside, and ached even after You began talking to her again she felt weak from it, sleeping helped, and Your email to her oh gosh it took 45 mins for syn to get into her email and after she got into it she wanted to beat up gmail for making her wait so long, lol.. But it was well worth the wait, just like it was well worth the wait to be used fully by You. Thank You again Master for the gift of Your time, and a sweet lil thank You to ali for sharing You with syn. You both just make her smile. syn is truly truly lucky to have you both, You as a Master and meena as a sister.
I love You Master. Happy One Month Anniversary!!!! And hopefully many more to come!
Other things that plague syn, well not plague her, but things she worries about. Being pleasing. Over the past few weeks since Master collared syn, she has gone through moments of displeasing Master, and in that she gets punished. Learning from her mistakes she takes them all in stride, but just aches to be always pleasing to Him and is probaly oft times harder on herself then He is, unless He deals with it right away and on a few occassions He has not been able to because of real life issues taking them both away. a girl thinks she could write over and over and over again on being pleasing, lol and how she hates it when she's NOT pleasing. Well You are on, so a girl thinks she'll sign off of this for now, perhaps she'll have more insight later on what she is thinking and feeling
Hello again, hello
Just called to say 'hello'
I couldn't sleep at all tonight
And I know it's late
But I couldn't wait
Hello, my friend, hello
Just called to let you know
I think about you every night
When I'm here alone
And you're there at home
Hello
Maybe it's been crazy
And maybe I'm to blame
But I put my heart above my head
We've been through it all
And you loved me just the same
And when you're not there
I just need to hear
Hello, my friend, hello
It's good to need you so
It's good to love you like I do
And to feel this way
When I hear you say
Hello
Hello, my friend, hello
Just called to let you know
I think about you every night
And I know it's late
But I couldn't wait
Hello
she just thinks there is so much more between Master and syn, more beyond Master, slave, we would not be where we are if we had not been friends first, and oooh how many nights she goes to bed thinking about Him, about the conversations she's had with Him in the evening, things she's done correctly thing's she's done incorrectly. And just really just thinks about Him, about His days, His life, a girls sister and how much syn admires and adores ali. Looking forward to getting to know my sweet sister better. Never been one to be excited about a chain sister, but this is MORE then just that, this is a friendship that's going to develop... i hope i hope hope hope!!! *grins* gosh they're playing some good music today. Another favorite song is by Elton John Orginal Sin (wonder why syn likes that one *winks*) Original Sin
Elton John
Oh, it's carnival night
And they're stringing the lights around you
Hanging paper angels
Painting little devils on the roof
Oh the furnace wind
Is a flickering of wings about your face
In a cloud of incense
Yea, it smells like Heaven in this place
I can't eat, can't sleep
Still I hunger for you when you look at me
That face, those eyes
All the sinful pleasures deep inside
Tell me how, you know now, the ways and means of getting in
Underneath my skin,
Oh you were always my original sin
And tell me why, I shudder inside, every time we begin
This dangerous game
Oh you were always my original sin
A dream will fly
The moment that you open up your eyes
A dream is just a riddle
Ghosts from every corner of your life
Up in the balcony
All the Romeo's are bleeding for your hand
Blowing theater kisses
Reciting lines they don't understand
syn thinks daily on how thankful she is, and she thinks about where she was, where she is, and also about where she is going as a slave. Both online and her real life are revolving so quickly into so many directions she's a little unbalanced right now. Recently syn disappointed her Master, gawds, syn hates doing that feels like when she does she's killing herself as everytime she displeases Him, He takes His time away from her, but she deserves it as she should know better. And what syn does, when she does them, they are little things, things SHE KNOWS better, but does anyways... what is a girls problem? *sighs* she will learn as His pleasure is upmost important in her life. Seeing Him happy that's her goal always, His happiness, His pleasure. Being His.. oh my, syn just smiles everytime she thinks of Him, talks of Him, mmm dreams of Him. There is so much, bliss in being Master Law's, even when a girl knows she's displeased Him, she finds happiness that He takes the time to punish her, He doesn't do it to hurt her, but to make her a better slave, a stronger woman and to be more pleasing to Him. So she thanks Him so much for the time He spends not only being her Master, the time He takes to listen to her, and the time that he takes to punish her. It's not easy being a Master, and prolly not easy to be Master to syn... but syn so enjoys being His and hopes that He finds pleasure in her as well.
What amazes me right now is someone that I didn't think I would have anything more then friendship with has become someone very important to me. He was always important before, but now, there's a difference in our relationship. He went from being FM Brother to FM Master.. I haven't felt like he makes me feel since Master Eldyr. Kind of scares me as I was very obsessed with Eldyr, but I don't feel that way with Master Law, more realxed and easy going with alot of respect. Where we go, only the Priest Kings know, but for now, I'm FW Crea` and in a few days, I'll submit to Him and take the name He gives me wearing it with love and pride. I hope I can be all that He wishes me to be and learn more of who and what I am as a slave. I'm not perfect, this I know, but I'm looking forward to it, challenging myself and all that the future holds. We know that it's going to get alot harder then easier in the first few days or weeks.
My thanks my friend, for a job well done and fullfilling a girls ideal graphic!