What He didn't Know.
There comes a time in our lives where we must self explore. When I think about my life and things that I have said and done, I think about the words I haven't said.
The things I didn't say to Him... I didn't say I loved you enough. I did not cherish the time I had with Him but groaned about the time I didn't have. I realize that the more I pushed, the more He retreated into Himself. There are things I wish I could change, I just do not know how to. I felt I had given all that I had to give, yet I hadn't given hardly any at all. What he didn't know, was that in the silence of the night he filled my dreams, my every thought in sleep and in waking hours. That if I closed my eyes, He was there with me. If I opened them, He followed me through my day. I couldn't breathe without His name on my lips or in my mind. There are so many things He did not know, how I talked about Him to people just in thought when asked about my love life or if I had a special fella.. He was who I spoke of. To this day a moment sometimes does not go by without him in my thoughts, wondering where He is, what He is doing or if He even thinks of me. I wish I had one moment to tell Him how I feel. I have never touched this man in real life. All I know is what He has given me via the computer and talks through chat. I know that He has given me a great gift and I gave Him one in return. My submission. What else He does not know is this, every Man I meet, I compare them to Him. Do the rate, would they stand up to my thoughts and dreams of Him. They do not. I see men with long blonde hair with a similar build and I stare wondering if just by chance it is He. I smell the type of cologne He tells me He wears and I look for Him. Am I obsessed? I do not know sometimes it is frightening the amount of feelings I have for a Stranger I have yet to meet. But there it is. My love, my devotion to one. There are times I long to move on yet.. I can't. Or I do take a chance but then they do not rate and away they go. It hurts them, it hurts me. But for some reason I can not let go of this Man. This image of Him. The love and feelings I have just will not go away. I am scared, I am excited and most of all.. I am at a loss and I become a great big coward. What he doesn't know is this.. I love Him with every breath I take, every ounce of who I am. I am lost without Him, yet I know I must.
What He didn't know......

Then there comes the time when we must let go. That's what I wrote this for was to let go so that I could heal, intead of being obssessive about a ghost of a person I'd never meet or know really.

In loving devotion and memory to Eldyr

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