24 November 2000 First of all, 1/3 of an egg McMuffin is equal to one beer from the night
before. So for instance, I had 6 beers last night and therefore ate 2 egg
McMuffins this morning. Hangover is gone through the wonders of science.
Everyday I spend about 2 hours in the car commuting to work. I live about 8
miles away from where I work. (The other night it took almost 4 hours to get
home). Are you beginning to see how a person can get really, I mean really,
bored? I commute with my friend Renee just for the benefit of the carpool
lane (and the fact that I do not drive).
Renee and I have some working theories going that I feel the need to share.
1
Second, relationships are like that shit you cannot get off your dishes. When you meet someone wonderful you get this feeling of oatmeal in your stomach. But have you ever tried to wash dried oatmeal off of a dish? Those are the loves you never get over. Cream of Wheat is more lust than possible love. It is a little thinner and less satisfying. Tomato soup is the easier relationships. The rubbing wounds sort, where you know you are not going to be together forever (let alone the rest of the week) but it still sucks when they move on first. Last is bouillon soup. Leaves a little ring around the bowl that can be washed off easily with soap and water. Bouillon cubes are really just random sex.
The amount you care for someone is equal to the difficulty for removal.
(The methods of removals are irrelevant. They never fully work and the dish must be thrown away in the end. That metaphorically is "moving on")
Amount You Care = Difficulty for Removal
Therefore:
Love = Ruined Dish
And:
Sex = One Dishwasher Cycle