21 November 2000
And Renee is quoting movies again. "Would you rather have 30 minutes of wonderful, or a life time of nothing special."
"Nothing special is safer" I say
"But nothing special is just that - nothing special"
"What can I say? I deal well with mediocre"
"Stop being a baby," she says patting my head.
"Ok. Let's do some visualization... Close your eyes... No peaking... Your on a cliff... below is happiness.. but UNKNOWN happiness"
"Then how do you know it is happiness?"
"Hey, I'm the bitter one remember?!"
"I was just asking..."
"Okay so anyways, you're on this fucking cliff.."
"Are there sheep there?," She says with a smile trying to lighten the mood.
"No! It is just you and a cliff... behind you is the security of land.. but then there is something wonderful in the valley below. do you kick it there and just rock or do you close your eyes and leap. Leap towards something worth getting out of bed. Something beyond work accomplishments. Over due bills paid. Rent taken care of. Whatever it is below fills you so completely that you do not need anything else. Do you jump?"
"I don't know."
"Why?!? This could be perfection below."
"But comfort is here"
"Fuck comfort"
"I don't know"
All these metaphors are about the same thing. When ever there are two choices. 3 or 4 or 5 choices we got lost within our own fear. We can preach but how many of us actually practice living. Most are just staying still practicing dying. The moral of this story is that I am a fucking hypocrite. I tell others to jump but I never do. Too scared Babylon is below. How is your day?
Do you know the basic premise behind Babylon? Build something great and it will only come crashing down around you. So if you build nothing more than walls. To prevent anything great then there is nothing to come crashing down. Nothing to hurt. The sky will not fall if you can still see it and you are not in it. You are not that horrible cliche walking on air.
But if you never build anything. Risk anything. Dare to be anything other than a single white (sub)urban statistic. You get scared. Your knees get weak. Hiding in a house. In a room. In a bed. Under the covers. Trying to make it go away.