January 1
January 3rd
January 4th
January 6th
January 7th
January 8th We got home from the hospital around 11:30 a.m., mom had a lite lunch then went to bed. They had given her a Vicoden for pain which helped some, I think it will also help her get the sleep she needs so badly. Robert and Crystal are coming back up this afternoon to watch mom so I can get some sleep too, Crystal is even going to cook dinner for us.
January 10th It is 10:00 p.m. and I just got mom back into bed, she was up in the living room all day, since 9:30 this morning. She woke up, had a little breakfast, got changed and washed up and decided to get up. She did very well all day, not complaining too much of pain although I kept her up on her pain meds. so she wouldn't have any down time. I cleaned house in order to stay awake and she supervised, smile. I am going to give myself some winding down time then off to bed for me too, I moved my bed from the living room floor to the floor beside mom's bed, that way she would have to step on me to get up and I know I'll feel that.
January 11th
Left Clavicle:Fell. Frontal caudate oblique views. No comparisons. The medial aspect is difficult to visualize. The PT is fairly oblique for the study. Fracture or bony destructive process could be considered.
Impression:The medial aspect of the left clavicle is not visualized, though radiographic technique is quite oblique and suboptimal. See chest report following.
Chest:Fell. AP upright view at 0800 hrs. compared to Sept 7, 1998 (when she had her hip surgery) The lungs are clear. Pulmonary vascularity normal. Cardiac size and contour normal. No plueral effusions or pneumothorax. The proximal left clavicle is well seen, better seen than on the clavicle radiographs obtained at this time and show a destruction or absence of the medial 1/3. The lateral 2.3 of the clavicle appears unremarkable without evidence for fracture. This reflects a change compared to the previous Sept 98 study. Aggressive lytic process should be considered, especially in lieu of the absence of surgical procedure with clavicle resection. There is soft tissue prominence or mass in the supraclavicular region on the left compared to the right.
Impression:1. No active cardiopulomonary DX. 2. Probable lytic process about the medial 1.3 of left clavicle. Associated soft tissue mass noted.
January 12th Mom got up this afternoon and came out to the front room. She wanted to sit in her old chair rather than the new one since it is softer, SMILE. She still has a lot of pain and her breathing is getting a bit more labored and it is hard for her to cough due to the pain. She stayed up until 11:00 p.m. then went to bed without fuss, I reminded her that tomorrow early she has to have more x-rays so she was ready for bed. Me too, I have been rearranging the house a bit to make room for Robert and Crystal and it took all day so I can use some rest too.
January 13th
January 15th
January 17th
January 18th
January 20th
January 22nd
January 24th
January 25th
January 27th
January 29th
WELL, Happy 1999 Everyone. Today was a pretty busy day for me. I quit smoking, none since midnight last night, so I had to make myself busy. My appliances haven't been this clean since they were new. Also, since I will be out and about Monday I wanted to get the house work done so it didn't pile up on me. Mom got up at 4:00, although she had been awake since noon. We had a pleasant evening watching movies and mom watching me bake. Tonight was pretty quiet also, considering most New Years Days we have family over for dinner, football games and stuff but they were all busy today, doing their thing so it was just the two of us for dinner. Mom wants to get up early tomorrow so she can make waffles for us for a change, talk about a change, her attitude was great this morning when she woke at 2:30 am and all day and night today. No more meaness, yelling or throwing things. HURRAY
Mom really kept me going yesterday. She wouldn't get up, stating that she was just too tired to do anything, no coaxing or prodding would change her mind either. She finaly decided to get up at 9:30 last night and remained up until 5:30 a.m., this didn't help my efforts to quit smoking at all, although I only had 4 cigarrettes the whole time. I decided that I had to take control of this sleep situation, so I made her get up at noon today and you know how I feel about making mom do anything but, I made her take a shower also. I then gave her lunch, hauled her butt to the car and went to a 'walk-in' and saw 'Might Joe Young'. Mom loved it and was very good the whole time, she didn't talk alot or fidgit at all. When the movie was over we stopped at McD's for dinner, came home and ate and watched t.v. until 11:30 me making sure she didn't nod off at all. When I put her to bed she was so thankful to be in it she about went right to sleep. I am going to get her up early tomorrow also, I told her we are going to the library and go we will.
The great job search did not begin today as planned, mom saw to that. She was awake at 3:00 a.m. damanding to be released or she would call the cops. I did everything in my power to calm her down and nothing worked. I finally told her I had called her mom and she was on here way to get her, we waited for 'her' in the livingroom until 5:30 a.m. when the local news repeated itself from last night and told of the fog that we were to have, obviously this was the reason the 'she' hadn't come yet and mom decided she would lay down until she did get here. Needless to say I was too tired and far to tired looking to go in search of any type job today and it looks like tomorrow will be more of the same. I put mom to bed at 11:30 again tonight, after another full day with her up and what does she do, starts getting dressed at 1:00 because she doesn't want to sleep all day. I explained to her that it is the middle of the night but of course I am lieing to her. I was able to convince her to stay in bed a bit longer because the janitor is doing the floors and we don't want her to fall on the wet floor nor smell all the fumes from the cleaners he is using. I hope this lasts long enough for her to get into a deep sleep becuase I am just exhausted but I am also too afraid to sleep, wondering if mom will make her way to the livingroom and me not hear her.
It is 7:30 pm and I have been up since yesterday at 8:00 am. Mom did stay in bed after telling her about the janitor, however I couldn't get much rest out of fear that she would awaken. Last night, the 5th, was terrible as well. Mom would not get up all yesterday, I knew what I would be in for and sure enough she woke up at 8:30 pm last night and stayed up until 7:30 am this morning. I think I am too tired to sleep which is why I stayed up all day, I did get mom out of bed at 3:00 pm this afternoon and have done my best to keep her awake since. I really must get some sleep tonight as does she. I know that this sleep pattern is creating confusion in her, the more tired she is the more confused and disoriented she is. How many days does this make? I have lost track of most everything at this point.
Ok, I know this is getting to be old news now but mom is really driving me nuts right now. She WILL NOT SLEEP. I put her to bed last night at 10:30 p.m., I went to bed and we were both back up at 1:10 a.m. I couldn't go back to sleep but mom went back to bed at 3:00 a.m. up again at 4:40 a.m. back again at 7:30 a.m. and down for the count until 4:00 p.m. this afternoon when I finally made her get up. I can't sleep during the day like she can and I can't sleep when I know she is going to be getting up any minute so. I have a call into her doctor for an appointment tomorrow, he can make sure nothing else is causing all this and perhaps prescribe something to help her sleep, that is IF I can get her there.
Mom went to bed at 11:30 p.m.on the 7th, up at 2:00 a.m, back to bed until 4:30 a.m. then up at 5:15 a.m., then back to sleep. I tried to sleep between the 2:00 and 5:15 awakenings but actually fell asleep or past out after she went back to bed the last time. My mistake, when I awoke at 9:00 she had already been up in the living room since sometime between 5:30 and 8:00. The guy who rents a room from me, Hollie, said she was up when he came in at 8:30 so he made her some coffee and put on the t.v. for her. I kept her awak the rest of the day, knowing for sure she would be totally exhausted by bedtime. I put her to bed at 11:00 p.m., still awake at 12:30 a.m., awake at 1:30 a.m., sleeping so well at 3:30 a.m. that I had to shake her in order to get her to move over on the bed because she was about to fall out of it, she went right back to sleep so I thought, o.k. I can go to bed.
January 9th
The last time I saw the clock it was 3:40 a.m. that is until I heard mom at 4:45 a.m. I got up to check on her, she isn't in her room but her walker is and her door is open so I get really worried and start to go to the living room to get her when I hear this loud boom, I turn the corner and there she is, laying on the floor, she had fallen. I rushed over to her, she was conscious but complaining of pain in the her chest, I checked it and sure enough, something was not right. I called the paramedics, they came and agreed that her clavical was most likely broken and off to the hospital we go. We checked in at 6:00 a.m. they took her to x-ray right after the inital exam, then back and forth to x-ray four more times. Finally the doctor told me that mom had a broken left index finger and part of her left clavical was missing, not surgically removed just missing. He had the radiologist talk to me along with himself, they both feel mom has some type of cancer (Neoplasty?) that has eaten away part of the bone and when she fell, rather than breaking what wasn't there she severly bruised the tissues surrounding it. They gave me instructions for her to be seen by an oncolgist as well as an orthopedist. So, how has your day been?
Oh my, I am pooped, I have not been to bed yet. Mom did pretty good last night but she kept wanting to take the immobilizer off (she has already had the finger splint off four times) because IT was hurting her shoulder, she had forgotten about falling. I was too afraid to go to sleep, I just knew she would get up and fall again, especially now that she can't use her walker. My son will be here this afternoon to watch granny for me so I can sleep awhile, can't wait till he gets here. SMILE. I am feeling so overwhelmed right now, it's like the dementia, be it from AD or whatever isn't enough but now to deal with the prospect of cancer too, when does it all stop, when does life give you a break, time off for good behavior.
I finally got some sleep last night. I went to bed at 11:30 and slep like a baby until 7:00 this morning, God it felt so good. I made coffee and YES I did have a smoke, took the dogs out and felt really good, I then made calls to doctors and got mom scheduled for this afternoon. Mom woke up at 9:30 feeling pretty good too although a bit sore. I gave her breakfast, her meds. and got her ready for the doctors, including a bath only after her pain meds. kicked in. We went to McDonalds for lunch then headed to the hospital to pick up her x-rays then I took mom to the orthopedist and GP, they both studied her xrays and dictation from the radiologists and have concurred with him that something "ain't right". Mom goes in for a CTScan Wednesday morning along with multiple lab workups.
This is from the radiologists report done Saturday:
The doctor removed the immobilizer since there isn't a break he feels mom will be more comfortable. She is doing pretty good too, she is a tough old gal. She went to bed at 10:30 tonight and is sleeping well.
Mom had a hard night last night, I think the day was too much for her and she was in a lot of pain. She finally really got to sleep around 3:00 a.m. The lady from the hurch was just here to give mom her communion, mom took it and went right back to sleep. I am going to let her sleep for awhile yet, I know she must be tired. My son Robert and his wife Crystal are moving back in, they gave thier notice yesterday. It will be nice having them back again, at least I will have someone to talk to.
Was today Friday by any chance? Sure felt like it. I got mom up at 7:00 a.m. to get ready for her CTScan, I hadn't slept because I was afraid I wouldn't hear the alarm if I did. We got to the hospital at 8:00, checked in and waited 45 minutes. They came for us to get the CTScan, mom slipped off the table for the scan and hit her head so after the scan she got head and chest x-rays too. They used a contrast dye with this scan and it infiltrated her vein so she gets this knot in her arm with the dye in it and it really hurt her, they fixed that and finished the scan. We go for the head/chest x-rays and she konks her nose on the x-ray thing and almost breaks her glasses. We then go for the lab work, this goes fine until I have to collect her urine which she proceeds to place all over my arm as I am positioning the cup but I did manage to get enough to the job. I don't get any results until tomorrow, when the doctor's office is open and she is fine from the head hit and nose konking. We go straight home, afraid to stop for breakfast in case something else happens. I get her home, give her waffles, juice, coffee and her meds. which she couldn't take before the scan and she chokes on them but I get the to go down with Heimlichs help, thank God. I then put her down for a nap, begin to lay on the couch to take one myself and my shelf angle falls off the wall and breaks on my head. Think God was reading my mind or what. I got her back up at 2:00 p.m. so she would sleep well tonight and lo' and behold, here it is 1:30 a.m. and she just went to bed. I am SO happy today is over!
We still haven’t gotten the results of the tests although the doctor wants to see mom Monday with the films. He did say she has water on her left lung which is what the ‘mass’ was that the radiologists saw, fortunately that can be treated. She has been complaining a lot of her chest hurting her and I can hear rattling going on in there. She didn’t get up all day yesterday and only for a few hours today, I just got her to bed, 10:00 p.m.
Mom stayed in bed again most of yesterday, getting up only for dinner and to watch a little t.v. I was able to get her up this afternoon though, I wanted to give her a bath since she goes to the doctor tomorrow of she refused of course, maybe in the morning. She has been in a very bad mood the last couple days, complaining of everything not just body aches. Her chest looks alot better now that the bruising is going away and there is no more swelling, her finger looks great too, but don't tell her that. She has been doing a lot for herself when no one is watching but as soon as somebidy, me, is around she suddenly can't do anything once again. That gets so frustrating for me, when I know she can do some things but won't.
We have just come home from mom's follow up appointment after the CTScan and lab work. It seems that she did break the clavicle, shattered it like powder actually. The bone fragments showed up in the scan with the contrast used. The mass seems to be 'water on the left lung', for which her Lasix has been increased. Her blood work came back good, all within normal levels and no UTI for once. Her doctor is very impressed with her recovery from this fall, stating that she is healing quite well, quicker than he had hoped in that she is using her left arm for weighted support. He did voice concerns that her osteoporosis is really quite bad and reminded me that caution needs to be taken when moving her or helping her up/down because more breaks are very possible in fact most probable.She goes to her orthopedist tomorrow for her four month follow-up for her Sept. hip replacement, he too will view the x-rays and CTScan information and give his opinion to her primary.I'd like to share what this doctor did today that makes him so special. I took mom's x-rays into the office before getting her in, the nurse ( not receptionist) peeked her head out the door and asked did I need a wheelchair, I was using the walker. I said no we are fine and we were. A second later here comes the doctor, with the wheelchair, gets mom into it, takes her into the exam room, hoists her onto the table does his exam etc. gets her down and back into the chair, wheels her back out to the car and puts her into it. I thanked him over and over for it and his response was, "I like your mom and if I can baby her I can baby you. You look very tired and your back is hurting isn't it and the least I can do is help you get her into my office. Caregivers are very underrated by most, they don't understand just how much you guys give up and do for the people you love. I haven't been there yet but I do appreciate you." I wish there more like him.
I was so tired yesterday that I didn’t even turn on my puter all day. Mom went to see her orthopedist yesterday, he wasn’t satisfied with the CTScan so he also asked for the radiologist to re-evaluate it and send his report. The orthopedist does feel that her clavicle was fractured however he wants more clarification on the ‘mass’. He removed the splint from her finger and feels it will be just fine and her clavicle will just take some time to heal, perhaps 3-4 months, however the pain should stop within a month or so. Mom is very confused lately. She has been riding the train again and wondering where her ’mom’ is and why she hasn’t come to pick her up yet. She has been getting pretty nasty too, thinking we are all lying to her about everything, stealing her stuff again etc. Now that both doctors feel there is no sign of cancer I am going to proceed with my job search. I really feel the need to be out of the house for a while and really do the income.
Mom is doing pretty good the past few days, her finger isn’t giving her too much trouble but her neck and shoulder still hurt a lot. She almost ‘fell’ tonight after dinner. She saw some applications I had on the table and asked what they were, I told her and she got real mad and agitated, as she was getting up from the table she ‘began to sway and got oh so dizzy’ that she fell back into the chair and began complaining of new injuries. She stated that I really shouldn’t consider getting a job with her in this condition. I told her that had she of fallen she would be in worse shape because she would not only hurt herself again but I would have to place her in a NH because I wouldn’t be doing too good a job of caring for her with two falls within two weeks. She then says ‘Oh, I’ll be just fine, just take me to bed." in that woe is me sounding voice that I know so well. I know it sounds crazy to think that mom may actually be doing this stuff on purpose but it wouldn’t be the first time she has. I remember so many times throughout my life that she has done this stuff. She even went so far as to pay an unscrupulous doctor to call me and tell me she was dying of stomach cancer. When she broke her hip last September the first words out of her mouth were that she hadn’t done it on purpose, nobody had even mentioned it. The fall on the 9th was after I had been talking to Crystal about watching her for me so I could work. I can’t help but think it.
Mom has been doing pretty good, she has been getting up by noon everyday and sleeping through the night lately. She isn’t in too much pain anymore except when she uses her arm to raise herself. She did do the ‘I’m gonna fall thing’ again tonight but I told her the consequences again and she composed herself without falling. Robert got the ceiling in his room painted today and they have started to move their stuff in, they should be done by tomorrow. All in all I guess life is good for now.
I guess life is still good. Robert and Crystal got all moved in, fixed up their room and everything. My oldest son David is also now living with me too, although his wife is not. I thank God I have a big house, except when it comes time to clean it. My dogs are crazy, not understanding all the changes taking place in their home but they’ll adjust. Mom didn’t get up all day, she was too achy, had a headache and just didn’t feel like it so in bed she stayed. I hope she sleeps through the night, especially this night. I am still doing laundry, cleaning up the house, still have dishes to do and I am just pooped but then it is midnight. Oh yeah, I am smoking again, can't understand it though. I was doing so well, it's not like I'm under any stress or anything like that. I hope this isn’t a sign of the year to come, God knows I couldn’t take it.
We have had some trying times the past few days. Robert’s car wouldn’t start and we had to get it moved from the apartment to here or they were going to tow it so, Crystal stayed with mom and Robert and I spent hours, for two days, trying to get it started. I finally got mad at it, hit the ignition and it started, seems there is a short in the wiring. We got it home and tucked away. They are over cleaning the place now in hopes of having their deposit applied to the past due rent. David is still home, he gets up at 5:15 a.m. to go to work and I have the only alarm so guess who wakes him. Mom has been doing well although she is back to wanting to stay in bed all the time. I think she is just rebelling. The doctor refilled her pain meds., but also said for me to start weaning her from them as he didn’t feel she really needed them as often now, wish he were here to deal with her now. She is being very cranky and always complaining of aching everywhere, I tried to tell her she would feel better getting up and moving around some but that is useless. Oh well such are the "Days of Our Lives." SMILE
Tuesday begins my full time search for work. I have gotten my resume updated, applications filled out, mom taken care of and my frame of mind in tune with my needs. Things here are going about the best as they can for now, everyone is dealing with their own stresses and trying to cope. Mom is doing well except for being very confused again. She did know me as her daughter Denise for a change, however she didn’t know how she had gotten and can’t find her return ticket she knows she bought one, someone must have stolen it. While her confusion comes and goes still, I have found that it is at a deeper level and longer lasting, more anxiety causing than before.