February 5th
Finally up to updating. I have been in bed for almost three weeks trying to kick this stomach infection. It is still there but I think I am getting control of it. It still hurts so bad, worse than back labor pains. I am still taking the thalidomide too. It sure makes me feel strange and I am having a lot of side effeects from it but I just keep thinking that it is because it is working real good on those tumors. Mom is doing great although I think I am going to have to tell her something about what is going on, she knows something is up and is getting very paranoid about everything. I know she will forget just as soon as she is told but. My girlfriend Dolores, from California is coming up this weekend to visit. I haven't seen her since '94. We met when we were both pregnant with our boys. Her son Eric was born 12 hours before my son David was. We were also dating brothers and had children with them so she is Roberts' auntie too. It will be so nice to see her, I wish her visit was prompted by other reasons but it's o.k.. Just having her here to remember with and laugh with will be enough. Robert is anxious for her to get here too. She will get to see the baby and meet his wife. David is taking me to the beach next weekend, my brother is going to take care of mom while I am gone. It is my birthday on the 15th and we are staying until Sunday. Jaide is having a basketball tourney there too. I haven't been able to see any of her games yet so that will be fun. I am even going to get my big butt up on a horse. Imagine that will ya. I haven't been riding in years, I always used to go when I lived in California but it was easier there, rentals and all. I think this month is going to be great, just one day at a time.

February 10th
Oh, I had such a wonderful weekend. Dolores got here Friday afternoon and should just be taking off for the flight home. It was so good to see her. One never knows just how much they are missing someone until they are together again. She is a hugger like me and we just embraced each other so tight, like we couldn't let go. God shined down on me too, He gave me strength, good spirit and took some of my pain and sickness away for most of the weekend. My brother, friends and family got together to give me a surpirse birthday party too. Since Dolores was here they did it a week early. Joyce and Linda came over and decorated the house so nicely. Of course I was suppose to be going out for brunch but I wasn't feeling that well Saturday so it put a little crimp in their plans but boy it was fun. My other friend Lupe, her friend and grand-daughter came up from Southern Oregon too. We had food to feed an army, everyone brought a different plate and I got lots pf special presents. SMILE. My grand-daughter Jaide wrote me a special note which brought me to tears instantly. She is my 'spirit child' and will always have me with her.
This is her note: Dear Grandma, I just wanted to say flat out that I admire you so much. You taught me not to mess around with little troll faced kids at school and you have everything in you that I've ever seen on cartoons, the make believe heros. All of them have courage, bravery, strength and most importantly they have a heart. You have every one of those in you, you're my hero grandma. If I could have any power or say - so in this world I would try to take every ounce of pain away in this special box I've given you. I also gave you a good luck patch and an angel and a kiss too. I hope they can help you through this heartache some but you'll make it I know you will. Love always, Jaide.
With love like this how can I fail. I can not remember when I felt so loved as I did this weekend. Hugs and kisses were abundant. Dolores fell in love with all the grandgirls and they with her. My brother really out did himself this time. My house was absolutley spotless thanks to his working all week on it. And pulling this all together lke he did on short notice. WOW. Mom even had a great time. I thought that having so many people around would upset her but she loved it. She even remember Dolores and asked her about her mom and dad and the 'old stomping grounds'. She was actually quite alert and very friendly with everyone. No coaxing her to eat either. I thank God for these past few days. What a joy.

February 18th
Well, we survived the weekend at Seaside, OR. Jean, the lady that helps me with mom loaned us her R.V., Joyce and Danny brought theirs too and we parked in a very nice site next to each other. David and Robert got motel rooms with their families. Will and Linda got a room too. I was a little worried about how this would be for mom but she did very good. Friday we didn't do much except getting hooked up and settled in. I was pouring, we got over 1/2 inch that night. Saturday was was drizzly in the morning but the sun did come out. I didn't feel that great in the morning so I missed Jaides first game but as the day went on I improved. We went down town and walked around, looked in some small shops and browsed the streets. Danny, Joyce's hubby, found a little pub with KENO advertised so there we went. I put in $5.00 for video poker, worked it up to 78 quarters and left with my $5.00 bucks in my pocket. No winnings but it was fun. We went back to the site and I fixed a hugh pot of spaghetti for all of us and Joyce provided the salad, drinks and chips left over from chili dog lunch earlier. Mom was really excited with taking a vacation. She could see the ocean from where we were and wished she could take a dip! After getting up and doing breakfast Sunday we went to the next game, they lost again so we had until 6:00 p.m. to wait. We decided to go back up town again this time with the r.v. since we had to check out. Wrong idea. They were having a giant home and garden exhibition and it was packed. We decided to just head on home and left the others down there. I was happy to get home. We had a good time and all but home is great. Mom was ready for bed by 9:00, so was I. The best part of the weekend is that no one mentioned cancer. I didn't even think about. My not feeling good wasn't because of it but because of eating a red hot burrito the night before. LOL. We all spent today just lounging around. Jean was here for mom of course so I did nothing. Fetl so good. Now to prepare for tomorrow. I go to the doctor at 1:45, blood draw, check-up and first round of chemo since before Thanksgiving. I do hope this chemo doesn't affect me like the last few have and that my counts stay up so that I can getting a real fighting chance again. I do feel as though something devine is working me still. Ever since last weekend with the sruprise party and all that happened then, the feeling has just gotten stronger and strengthened my spirit so immensly. I know God and my angels are working for me.

February 23
Well, I got my first round of chemo last Thursday. So far, so good. No vomiting, nausea. I have begun to get some side effects of it but all in all I feel wel. My stomach is giving trouble time to time but hopefully it will stop soon. I am now on my own again with mom. My brother had to leave again. I must admit I am scared this time. With my own health being as bad as it is and trying to take of myself, my dogs and mom. WOW. We are doing it though and I do have the kids near by, just a phone call away. Things should be fine if she just remains with this sleep pattern at night and of course, Jean is still coming days. My strength isn't very good anymore either but mom understands when I tell her I need her to help me because my back hurts or something like that. I go back next Tuesday for chemo, Joyce is coming to stay with mom unitl Jean gets here. I sure hope my counts are good enough to get it. This realy is my last form of treatment so it must continue without a hitch.

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