April 2, 1997
I am finally back. The guy came out to fix my computer on the
20th and couldn't so, I had to send it to San Jose the next day.
It was only suppose to be gone for seven to ten days. BOY, have
I missed all of you. I have been going nuts. I will e-mail everyone
but, I got 49 letters while I was down so it will take a little while.
Mom is doing great. I have a man, Merv, that I am taking care of
45 hours a week. He is really nice. He can't see very well and has
bad hips, so his wife doesn't want him left alone, he is only 67.
He has given my mom some motivation. She gets up at 8am, he gets here at
7:30am, she gets dressed in real clothes, she eats a full lunch with him
and tries to help him when possible. It is really cute. She says he
is a nice old fart. Mom has been going to bed around 9 each night
and sleeping through. What a GOD send.
April 3, 1997
I got terrible news today... My friend, Kathy, has been in the hospital
for the past month. She has cancer in her bone marrow, spinal fluid,
a mass in her stomach, two cancerous ulcers removed and a large
tumor. She has had extensive chemo and lost all of her hair and
weight. She is only 40. The doctor says he thinks that she will
make it. Also today, I found out that my other friend, Joe, has
cancer of the lymph nodes and is dieing. He cannot be helped. He is
50. My heart aches, my mind is full, my eyes hurt. Why? This is
all that I ask. God may not know these people as well as he should
but, they are good people. I hope and pray that he will comfort them.
April 4, 1997 8:30am pst
Mom has been confused lately. She has started thinking that she is
in a day care and is suppose to go home at night and wants to know
where she is and how she got here. She still gets up early and goes
to bed early and gets dressed, but!!!!! I am trying to save up so
that I can go to the beach over night one time. Everyone tells me
to take care of myself and I am finally going to listen to you all.
Two years of this is enough. My friend Kathy called, she is feeling
a bit better. She is having another treatment this morning. I am
going to see her this afternoon.
April 5, 1997
A miracle has happened today. Kathy got discharged from the hospital
this afternoon. Her doctor says her platletes are up and she's eating
so, but, she still has to do chemo every other day. Thank you for
your prayers for her. Mom has been o.k. today. She has been getting
mad at me for no reason all day. Being nasty. She thinks that I
have stolen all of her things and she wants them back!!!! I don't know
what to say to her so I say nothing at all. She has been getting
really bad headaches, I think they are small strokes, so does her doctor
but, I don't want him doing the tests on her. It wouldn't change
anything. She goes to see him on the 17th. My grand-daughter, Jaide,
is going to be 7 on the 9th. They are having her party in Portland
so I won't be able to go. Mom can't handle the car for that long.
Oh well, I'll bake her a special cake and we'll celebrate together.
April 6, 1997
Mom slept pretty good last night, once she got to bed. It is so
aggrivating when she keeps telling me that all of her stuff is missing
and she knows that I took it, even the belts for her Depends. She
still thinks that she has more clothes at the other place and can't
remember how she got here. I feel so bad for her because she knows
when she has been wierd, you can see it in her face, then she gets
depressed.
April 7, 1997
We both got to bed early. Mom was anxious for Merv to get here. She
decided that he is her oldest son. My oldest brother is only four years
younger than Merv. Mom is still in bed, I'll wake her at 9. Yesterday
was pretty good. The weather was good so mom went outside with me
for awhile. She stayed in a good mood all day.
April 8, 1997
I was really happy that mom was getting up and getting dressed, now I wonder.
It seems that she gets more confused when she has street clothes
on. She thinks that she has gone somewhere and needs to hurry back
home. This doesn't happen nearly as much when she stays in her nightie
all day. Maybe that is the only connection to being here that
she has left.
April 9, 1997
It is 7:30am, Mom is sleeping, Merv is sleeping so I am at the computer.
I finally got caught up with my mail, have the house cleaned, the
laundry done, gosh what am I going to do now??? Surf the net :-).
April 10, 1997
Last night was really good. Mom went to bed early and so did I. I
didn't think I was that tired. My daughter-in-law changed the birthday party to this Saturday
so we will be able to go. I took Jaide out yesterday for an
hour and got her present, a Barbie, of course. She came up to the
house to visit and really kept Merv and Mom going. I think she tired
them out. Merv isn't coming tomorrow so we are going to try to
take a drive to the beach. It is only 75 miles, I hope that mom
does o.k. They drive isn't the problem, it is the confusion that
comes from being away from the house. Oh well, it will be worth it
even if she is confused for a few days. I need to get away!!! A friend wrote me today and
left me a joke, I think it is cute so I am sharing it. I don't mean to
offend anyone, so I'll apologize in advance, just in case.
Dear Denise,
Thank you so much!
Besides sending you a copy before it is published (for your comments, etc.)
and copies of the edition of The Good Newspaper (the name of the
Shepherdstown Ministerial Association quarterly newspeper), all I can give
you in return is a little humor. I hope, in your long travail, that you can
still appreciate this and will not be offended at my appearing to take
serious illness and endless expensive tests lightly:
A West Virginia farmer wandered out on to his back porch one morning to find
his Blue Tick coon hound lying allarmingly still. He nudged him with the toe
of his boot and shouted, "Git up, Ol' Blue!" But there was no response. Not
even a quiver. Then he reached down and shook the dog. Still nothing.
Finally he grabbed the dog in his arms and laid him in the back of his
pickup and took off for the vet's office.
"Doc, ya got ta do somethin' 'bout my dog!" he said.
"What do you expect me to do," replied the vet. "You're dog is dead."
"Oh, no," moaned the farmer. "I just cain't accept that. Isn't there some
kind of test you kin do ta see inffin there ain't some life left in him at all?"
"Well, yes there is," said the vet. "But it's expensive."
"I don't care. I want the best for Ol' Blue," he sobbed.
So the vet opened a cage at the other side of the room and let this huge tom
cat out. The cat walked over to the dog, sniffed him all over and walked
away. The dog didn't move a muscle.
"Well, there you are," said the vet. "The dog is surely dead."
The guy went home to mourn and two days later he got a bill in the mail for
$825. He called the vet in great dismay. ""Eight hundred and twenty-five
dollars!" he exclaimed. "Ain't that one heckuva price for what ya done?"
"Calm down," said the vet. "First of all, I told you it was expensive.
Secondly, all I'm charging you is $25. The $800 is for the cat scan."
In God's peace & love,
Bob Naylor
April 11, 1997
I did it. We went to the beach today. It was a beautiful day. Mom
did o.k. most of the time. I got so angry at a restaurant that we
had lunch at. Mom wasn't exactly in a good mood, pill time, so she
wasn't behaving very well, these people were just staring at her
like she was some kind of wierdo or something, so, I proceeded to
tell them how happy I was for them that their family was so blessed
to have only healthy aged members in it, this was obvious by the lack
of understanding that showed on their faces as they looked at my
mother. Boy, did their faces turn red. It made me even more determined
to try to educate people about AD. It is an ILLNESS, not a carnival act.
O.K. I vented :-) Anyway, as we were heading back home though, we had a blow-out
and it scared the heck out of mom. I had to buy a new tire, no
spare, no jack anyway, so it was a rather spendy outing. It was good to
get home, we ate dinner, watched a little t.v. and mom went to bed!
Now it is my turn to turn in. My garden is yelling at me, so I'll tend it
tomorrow.
April 12, 1997
WOW. Yesterday was terrible. My son and his girlfriend woke up sick.
Vomiting and, you know, fevers. They were sick all day. I was really
tired but not sick, until the evening. It sure did hit me. I feel better this morning
but, not great. I hope that mom doesn't get it. I tried to stay away from her
as much as possible, it didn't work too well, she started pouting
because I was ignoring her.
April 13, 1997
Well, mom is doing it again. She was up most of the night just
roaming. She hasn't really known where she is since yesterday afternoon.
She thinks that I put her dogs in the pound for no reason, moved her
out of her apartment yesterday and doesn't know why, forgot where her
room is, can't find the bathroom, doesn't want help toileting, won't eat,
hates the mailman for not bringing her mail, wants to go home and has threatened to
call the cops if I don't let her leave. Merv is here and doesn't know what
to think. Thank God she goes to the doctor on the 17th, I think
it is time to adjust her meds. Perhaps the trazedone needs to be increased.
This is the worst of it, when she gets so far out that I can't bring her back.
Also, her hygiene has really gotten bad. She won't change her soiled
Depends and doesn't want me to and she won't take a bath, even if I tell
her that she really needs one. She just doesn't seem to care. She was
always so meticulous in her appearance before. Does anyone else have
this going on?? Let me know what you have done.
April 15, 1997
Last night was better. Mom went to sleep at 11pm. and stayed there
until 1:30 this afternoon, I, however, couldn't get to sleep. I have
Restless Leg Syndrome and it drove me crazy last night. Finally
snoozed around 5am. only to get up at 6:30am for Merv, who's wife
called at 7am to tell me he wouldn't be here today. I was glad to hear
that. I started mom back on Gingko Biloba again. Hope it works better this time.
April 16, 1997
Mom was up roaming again last night, until 2:30am. I am so tired.
My son has been helping me with Merv today. My stomach is acting up
again, I guess the FLU is here for awhile. I will be glad when tonight
gets here, although, mom didn't get up until 12:30 this afternoon
so she'll be up late once again. It gets hard not to be angry with her
when she does this kind of stuff. Especially when I'm tired and cranky.
11:30pm. Today has been a long day. I just got mom into bed. I sure
hope she stays there tonight. She is actually letting me shower her
tomorrow, she doesn't want the doctor to think that she is SENILE. Of all
things, golly, what would make him think that. ;-)
April 17, 1997
Took mom to the doctor, he said that she is fit as a fiddle
physically, that she could out live me if I don't start taking
care of myself. I guess the dark circles gave me away.
He
increased her Haldol to 1mg, no other changes. I asked him about
ARICEPT, he said that is for early stage persons and wouldn't help
mom. Also said that her headaches are either small strokes,
which are common, or epileptic type seisures (short circuits).
He said at her age it wouldn't be wise to test her because the
proceedures could do more harm, I agreed. Another day under the
belt. Hope she sleeps tonight. I really need to.
April 18, 1997
8:00am and still going. Mom slept through the night!! So did I.
Merv is here, sleeping in the recliner, mom is still sleeping. I'm going
to wake her up at nine, that way I can do some stuff.
April 19, 1997
HAPPY BIRTHDAY GRANDMA. We are all thinking about you, we love and miss you.
Yesterday and last night were good. Mom is getting a good nights sleep
now and being in a good mood. Merv had us all rolling yesterday
with his antics. Mom helped me dust, she realy enoyed it. So did I.
I get really tired of doing all the house work with so many being
here, it is nice to get help. She did a good job too. We were going
garage saleing today but, it is raining, of course.I have a favor to ask,
I am in the Site Fights, please vote for me. This will generate more
people to my site, hopefully they will learn some things about A.D.
April 20, 1997
I did absolutely nothing all day yesterday and it felt great!!
Of course I have the whole house to clean today as a result. Oh well.
Mom has been pretty good. She still doesn't want to change herself
after she wets through. Saying anything to her only gets her angry, so, I
just let it go. I am trying out a different format for my journal pages.
Hoping that it will be easier to navigate. If you would like to preview
it and give me your comments it is at
http://www.oocities.org/HotSprings/3004/frames.html.
I'm not sure I like it. Gotta go, mom had an accident in the potty.
April 21, 1997
WOW, what a night and day. Mom has been throwing up and pooping
everywhere. What a mess. I feel so bad for her. She had a temp of
100.6 all night. She can't keep anything down, INCLUDING her meds.
She just knows that she is dieing. She is finally sleeping.
8:00pm Mom is doing better. She had a little bit to eat around
1:30 and it stayed down. She got up from bed at 7:00 had a lite
dinner and seems to be better. Her tummy still hurts but, none of
the other. Hopefully she will be o.k. now. I went to see my friend
Kathy, in the hospital again. She isn't doing good. The cancer is gone,
thanks to the Chemo, however, the Chemo did something to her brain cells
and she can longer talk, her hands are postured, she has limited
cognition and response ability, is bowel and bladder incontinent......... The doctors don't
hold out hope for her. They are doing an MRI and EEG in the morning.
Please continue your prayers for her.
April 22, 1997
Mom was much better last night. She went to bed at 11pm and slept all night.
No vomiting or anything. I think she over the virus. I slept so
well that the alarm didn't wake me, Merv's wife did when they got
here this. OOOPS.
April 23, 1997
6am. I'm up this morning. Hurray. Slept pretty good last night. Mom
is fine now. My oldest son, David, came by yesterday. His friend, Richie,
died Monday, only 26. David was so upset. It breaks my heart to
see him cry, he's so tough :-) He wrote a poem for Richie and had me
post it to his site. He doesn't do the NET very well yet, but he
is learning. I can't believe all the friends and loved ones that are gone now.
Young and old alike. Richie was a good guy, just had a hard life.
7:30am Leena just called, no Merv today, he has the BUG now. He was
up all night sick. Gosh, I'm sorry that he caught it. 9:30pm haven't heard
from Leena, I tried to call but no answer, I sure hope that he is o.k.
Mom is doing good tonight, it will be an early night just in case Merv comes.
April 24, 1997
7:30am. I guess that Merv isn't coming today either, haven't heard from
Leena. I hope he is o.k. Mom was sure mean last night. I got her
up to go to bed and she was soaked thru, needed to give her a shower
at midnight but,she wouldn't let me, she was mad. She said it was only sweat and I
should leave her alone, nobody else treats her as bad as I do and she
is tired of it and moving!! She was yelling. I finally got her changed
at least and in bed but, I could hear her cussing me out for 15mins. She thinks
I don't love her because I don't give her vitamin E like they said on the news last night.
I just want her to be sick. Gosh, she gets more vitamins and natureopathic things
than I can name here. Hopefully she'll be nice today.
April 25, 1997
I slept in today :-) Leena has the BUG now, so she kept Merv home with her.
It was so nice here yesterday, I finally got out in the yard for
awhile. I am going to have mom come out with me for awhile today.
The fresh air will do her good.
April 26, 1997
11pm. I haven't been able to get on all day. My oldest son, David,
called a 9 this morning, his car broke down 30 miles from home, I sent
my other son, Robert to get him. He called at 10 to let me know
that he didn't make it to David, his car broke down a few miles from
his brother, so, I get Roberts girlfriend, Crystal to watch mom and
I went to get them both. Had to leave the cars there until tomorrow.
Then, geocities is down so I can't access my files until now. GOOD NEWS
though, I went to see my friend Kathy at the hospital, she is 100%
better. She can talk, move her legs and use her hands and arms. The doctors can't
believe the recovery. I tell you, there is NOTHING STRONGER than
united prayer, many voices are louder than one!! Thanks to all of
you.
April 27, 1997
CALLING ALL SUPPORT PEOPLE, one of our friends, Kathi, is having a very
hard time with mom and family right now, she needs all of us to write her and give her
our support. Please contact her A.S.A.P.
I have spent the day cleaning. Mom wouldn't get up until 4:20 this afternoon. I guess I won't be sleeping tonight. Merv will be here at 7:30am. Mom has been in such a terrible mood the past few days. I was hoping that it would blow over by now. Still haven't gotten the boys cars running. Now it will have to wait until next weekend. They aren't what you would call mechanic's, they are used to momma doing it for them. Yes, I am a jack of all trades, however, master of none :-).
April 28, 1997
Mom actually went to bed at midnight, unfortunately I couldn't
get to sleep until 2am. Oh well. I really wish she would get in a good
mood for a change. I get so tired of her feeling sorry for herself.
I know that sounds cold but, it is the truth. She is always
complaining about something I did or didn't do right. Funny, I
could never please her when I was a kid either. Guess some things
never change. O.K. I'll stop whinning.
April 29, 1997
Yesterday was a low day for me, so was last night. I still haven't been to sleep.
Insomnia or something. I feel like I am still a little kid and
having to endure the same junk I did then. My mom was not exactly
the nicest person in the world, in fact she was down right mean.
It's ironic, I started running away from home at 14 because of her
treatment and here I am... I wonder what that Freud would say? I just
know today will be better!! We got Roberts car home, now for Davids.
I found that Merv won't be back after the 15th of May. Leena just
can't afford it. The drive from her place to here is 45 miles one
way. Now I need to look into other ways of making money.
9:30pm I am so glad today is almost over. Mom was o.k. for most of the
time, now that it is getting closer to bedtime she is starting to
act up. I am so tired I can hardly see straight. Hopefully she'll
go without much trouble.
April 30, 1997
6:15am. I got mom into bed at midnight, yet I couldn't sleep again.
What's going on with me. I don't think it is just stress related. I
usually deal with it better than this. The house is so quiet right now,
I love it. Robert took his brother to work already, they are going
to try to get his car running. David works about 30 miles from here
and really needs it. Mom was telling me that she wants to move out,
even to a home, she just doesn't care where. I wonder how she would
really do in one. If I don't get someone else to care for I will have
no choice but to return to work. After two years of caring for mom
I don't have anything left. I pray for guidance.