Life is a blur for me sometimes, looking back. By 1996 I was living in Portland, still raising my son and working part time for the US Navy. By May of this year, I was flying into Whidbey on drill weekends, and had been issued flight suit, jacket and so forth.

The May weekend before the shows, I was supposed to do my first flight as aircrew (stewardess) on DC-10s, which the Navy flies as their own airliners, we would run down the coast and pick up sailors off carriers in San Diego, and drop them at Lemoore, or Portland, or Whidbey, where-ever they belonged. It could be quite interesting, they traditionally let the "new daddies" get on the planes first, so I would frequently see guys in their Whites, quite sober indeed, and looking at pictures of infants with puzzled looks on their faces. There is no describing the confusion of being away deployed to Sea when the baby is born. No wonder Navy families are so squirrelly.

Anyway this weekend I found out some really profound things about aircrew 1) aircrew does what they do because they get to chase nukie in strange and new bars, without the spouse checking up on them. As I get older, I see that this is more the norm than the exception to many married folks. Makes you not want to even think about "true love", it doesn’t exist maybe and 2) I CAN’T FLY WITHOUT A DRINK. Man that was a scary revelation to make. I take my work very seriously, and had no idea that getting on a plane cold stone sober would be such a harrowing experience. They scare the hell out of you in flight school, honestly. I’m a good swimmer, but that dump in the rolling barrel and getting out of it blindfolded was pretty creepy. The whack into the water knocks the breath out of you, and then the water gurgles up quite rapidly…… glug glug…

The need to chase strange nukie did not outweigh my anxiety of flying sober. After all the struggling I had done to get the position, I turned in my wings. Right after I found out the CNO had shot himself. [The Chief of Naval Operations and his "suicide" are another story that is totally political Off Topic for the Moody Blues. But suffice to say, it was not a happy weekend for me or for anyone in my squadron. I was totally ready to run from the USN, from life, from everything after this week. My values were totally turned upside down].

With this in mind, I slept fitfully that night at Navy Lodge, and packed myself out for Vancouver, BC the next morning to see the Moodies. I’d never been to Canada. It looked much closer on the map, and turned out to be a rather long drive up there, under rainy dismal skies, and negative thoughts about my role in my country’s defense battering around my brain all the way. Vancouver turned out to be a pretty big metropolitan area too, so getting to the venue itself was more complicated than I liked it. I was supposed to hook up with my friend Jane who was Canadian, a Scorpio (oops remember what I said about Scorpios?) Yep she had the same idea as Lisa, only was much more subtle, and I think much more determined thereby.

Jane always knew where the Moodies were staying. And she stayed there too, and used the gyms. She was cute as a bug’s ear. I never found out if she scored with her Favorite Moody, but she dropped out of sight long ago in the fan club, and I suppose the whole thing is sort of silly to bring up now. But she was nice, and even though she used me like she was using all her Moody friends for her ultimate goal of Canal Knowledge of A Moody, she was still sorta fun to hang out with.

On to the show! For the life of me I do not remember an orchestra at this show, but I think there must have been, because Larry Baird wrote about it later in the fan club newsletter. The stage was up kinda high, and I think the orchestra was like back in the back, and I was up front, so I never saw them much. And I remember them rehearsing the orchestra in the lobby of the stadium, right next to the popcorn machine (Nat Bailey). I lurked around outside listening and peeking in at the grubby concession area full of orchestral bits and bobs.

Then since I couldn’t find Jane (she was off with some other friends stalking the boys, no doubt) I went to a rose garden nearby. If it hadn’t been so rainy and overcast, and if I had a better attitude it might have even been a lovely city. I remember a hot dog stand called "Mr. Tube Steak" that was pretty funny. It finally got close to curtain time, Jane showed up with her friends, we all hung outside talking.

Jane the stalker had found Justin in a gym somewhere, and being pretty, she managed to draw him out in a conversation. His new album (The View from the Hill) was ready to release, but the backers had pulled out at the last minute. "And our dressing rooms are full of water" Justin had added in a disgruntled tone. (The album was finally released later that year in October, I think Justin finally went with BMG, don‘t quote me on that).

I’m pretty sure I saw Marie Hayward go into this show. She had her hair in a pony tail and flashed a backstage pass on a lanyard, wearing hat, raincoat etc like a cowboy in a duster. The funny thing is, she did something with her ponytail, flipping it that reminded me exactly of a horse’s non-verbal language. Marie has caught a lot of flak from the fan club over the years, unto death threats (no kidding) but in that moment she struck me as a rather cool, funny person. Someone you could cuss around, you know?

As Larry Baird put it " like a fairy tale, the rain stopped so the show could happen" it did, we all saw it. And it happened again the next night at the Gorge too.

Highlight of the show: The rain had dropped in buckets all day. It finally cleared up just in time, the sun came out, the band began. After a few songs, down the front aisle came this guy with a beard, long hair, flowers in his hair, beads and bells swinging, in a genuine kilt, and dancing and twirling in some sort of Highland Fling. He did his thing across the front, then proceeded up the center aisle, right in front of Justin. Up to this point Justin has kept his usual "poker face" (still grumpy about his soggy dressing room, no doubt), but I swear he cracked a grin like the sun coming out at this, and gave a hearty chuckle. And then Justin kept right on singing, while the other band members stared slack jawed in disbelief. Thank you Moody Elf, wherever you are, you made it a wonderful show.

After the show, Jane talked me into coming back to the hotel (I gave her a lift actually) and it timed just so that the Moody Blues actually arrived at the same time. I was mentally out in left field by this time, after my flight experiences, talking to Jane, (the Moody Elf didn’t help any!) I was questioning my sanity at all of it. Somehow we wound up entangled in the Moody entourage, on the same escalator (Jane was maneuvering all this I’m sure, though maybe it was not ALL her doing come to think of it………. I was just going with the flow, honest!) John got onto one elevator, he looked exhausted. Paul went on the other one, Jane and I followed Paul, and JUSTIN FOLLOWED US.

No one would believe me if I told in detail what happened on that elevator, so I most certainly WON’T, but I was pretty shocked at the time, and still don’t believe it. WHINNeey!!!!! (tail toss). Jane and I threw an I Ching when we got to her room, and got the first hexagram "Dragons rising" so it was all pretty weird.

Jane and I went for some coffee after that and chatted a bit, and then I drove BACK down the road, to where I don’t know, but I do know I did the Gorge the next day. I must have slept somewhere, and it may have been in the back of my truck in a sleeping bag, for all I know.

The Gorge: no surprise, I have little to no memory of this show, and it must have been orchestral too, with the Spokane symphony. I think I got there quite early in the day, camped on the hill over the stage, enjoying the Sun and listened to meadow lark music intertwined with Moody rehearsal notes. It really was a wonderful day, I remember that. You should always listen to Moodies music in the middle of a pasture with wild flowers all around.

Nida was there for sure, got some great photos. I think Justin had a bad arm this tour, and he came out with wet hair, reports were there was a hot tub back stage and he had been in it. His hair is fantastic, it fluffs out on its own, and does not need a blow dry to look the way it does, I know that from watching it dry on stage that night! The Gorge itself is really beautiful, one of the hidden wonders of the world, a huge canyon of the Columbia River.

The same three gals Jane had been running with in Vancouver showed up for these shows, so that was pretty fun. We wound up partying with them under the stars, after the show in the camp grounds, Nida and I.

And the next night at the Rose Quarter I also have no memory of. Remind me not to do Moody Blues shows when I am so damn tired will you? It’s a waste of time!

I was really glad to get home after all this. Looking back on it, I can think of two people in easy arms’ reach that should have been whacked for their schemes and TEASING, since they were both married. And I was fond of them both too, but what was going ON??? And thinking about aircrew and how they all headed for the bar the moment those planes had been chocked (and I knew most of them were married too). It’s no wonder I’ve had relationship after relationship fall with a flop with my attitude. Call me old fashioned and silly, but I still believe in love and faithfulness, and finding out your best friend might like to get naked with you and maybe that will be the only one forever. I can’t help it (nor do I understand it) when people find excuses to wriggle out of intimacy. Why is bed hopping such a damn SPORT all the sudden?

Having the CNO die in political insanity that weekend was just icing on the cake of my depression and malaise..