Visionary Sound Arts Interface

DARVINFO Return to Main Page Check Out Latest Darv Music Reviews Yahoo Profile What Maui Feels Like THE LATEST DARV UPDATE.... 8-13-2009 I have to keep being reminded to do this. I'm so off gallavanting across the web i forget to make these little notes at home.... I'll be having a week off last week of August. a week from today will be the last work day and i will enjoy my first vacation since middle of last October. no missed work shifts. usually 15mins early and late by no more than 8 mins on the occasional odd morning flashback or whatnot, twice a month perhaps VISIONARY SOUND ARTS WIDGET while i'm not crazy about calling embeddable sound players "widgets," that's the state of the art at Grooveshark so i'm going with it. these *widgets* access certain playlists created by users, such as myself. TO WIT: we now have the distinct honor to roll out our very own VSA *widget* which will play a Darv-programmed streaming audio music set for those with the ability to listen to such media Click Here for VISIONARY SOUND ARTS WIDGET i've created a couple of other widgets but they refer back to my new wave radio jock days discing the spins on fryday nites to the local denizens of the demimonde. i hadn't considered it until now, but perhaps MY REBELLIOUS EIGHTIES is an aesthetic balance of some sort for me. one widget angelic and light, the other adverse and dark. hey!: that's just me:) if you can find your way to my Industrial page, you MIGHT find a way to hear that widget. or not. i have no cable tv. been watching Reuters, Daily Show and Keith Olbermann for infotainment. i've become interested in astrotheology and still love good reading material! i've been reading a book on ancient cosmology and xtian symbolism which has all the word games, puns, mathematical puzzles and whatnot that i do enjoy studying. i'm also reading "The Self-Made Tapestry" Pattern Formation in Nature, which is written as a textbook of design. heady stuff with lots of info packed into every page. every few pages, one has to stop and digest, so it is slow going. i just discovered another way to view Dan Winter's book IMPLOSION! online, so i'm posting it here Click For IMPLOSION! 6-11-2009 work is being extremely difficult. top managers away marriage/honeymoon. produce asst on 2 week vacation rubbery arms, fatigue, hard to concentrate aches & pains, hard to sleep it's never the slow season in produce tons of new music, but haven't even been forming reviews in mind. too much business related stuff. i have less than a month to get my legal ID together. where's the time? workeatsleep thank the divine for the internet, or i'd be REALly lonely 5-24-2009 the difference between 40 and 38.3 1700 minus 20% = 340 let's forgive call it 400 1300 let's forgive call it 1200 100 per month 25 per week and look how forgiving we were. 25 per week isn't the same as nothing per week. and we arrive back at nothing. 4-15-2009 one would think that a weekly entry would not be a demanding pace, but i guess i am just having too much fun in my pursuits. still reading "Deep Spirit" i think i got bogged down because once the beautiful woman gets kidnapped by the shadow ops agents for scientific intelligence the reader spends an extended time away from her character, with the protagonist as he rather flounders about trying to catch up (currently he is in Singapore contacting the pearl seller.) the text keeps reminding us of her psychic kung fu and how she is in control of these large armed goons. of course, i'm thinking that the control may be more sexual than psychic. kinda tuned out and more into my recent acquisition "Jesus Christ - Sun Of God" an astrotheological text recommended by the guys who wrote Astrotheology and Shamanism. it is full of linguistic number games from ancient abrahamic texts, sacred geometry, astronomical information guised in mythology and so forth. my kind of stuff. just discovered Schooly D. never heard of this guy, even tho i'd heard that great song "Am I Black Enough For You?" in the movies Bad Lieutenant and Deep Cover. always dug it, wanted to know who did it, never did. but i saw Deep Cover again recently and was inspired to solve the mystery. apparently, Schoolly D was the 1st thoroughbred gangsta rappa. he did some work with BDP and his sound is somewhere between BDP & Public Enemy. it is obvious why he never broke, with songs like "Don't Call Me Nigger, Whitey," or the funky theme song for the imaginary black tv superhero, "Super Nigger." but for old skool he is right in with PE, Ice T, NWA & alla dem, Paris, Da Lynch Mob, and hard beats like that. what is wild is that Schooly D's grooves are FUNKY like beyond them other guys. and the stuff he has built on top of the samples is first rate. when rap hit, i didn't like it. you know me: ambient music, spirituality, etc. but the pressure in santa cruz for me to embrace this fucked up music was so intense that i decided that if i had to listen to it then i was going to go to the end of the spectrum, to where i could relate to it from my old Industrial music days listening to Throbbing Gristle and Scraping Foeus Off The Wheel. i chose the MOST racist, sexist, violent rap i could find and THAT was MY rap! then people were like, we didn't mean you should like THIS KIND OF RAP. & i was like, "UH OH, you fuct up." 3-27-2009 IF YOU ONLY KNEW THE POWER OF THE DARV SIDE... THIS is the blog i'm famous for neglecting a little bit, probably because it can get a little personal or i do seem to remember some ranting somewhere.... because this is the DARVinfo, more raw & *where i'm at* baby. so sometimes here emotions of my overall state of "*with-it*ness," books i'm enjoying, movies. various *guffaws* at the sociopolitical situation. Let's See...o! saw Watchmen. automatically my favorite superhero movie of all time for wonderful nuance and metaphorical resonance of the plot & characters.Click Here For Watchmen Review when the dvd is released, i shall shelve it next to "The Incredibles" and "Team America," altho a part of me should like it next to "V For Vendetta." i think there must be some funky astrological stuff happening right now, cause this week was not enough sleep and everything getting in one's way all day. people around me mentioned this also. and the week before, there seem to be some kind of anger vibe. i guess it could also be something working through the haleakalA heart chakra. other people also mentioned or acted out bad angriness. but the past couple of days seem better. i know Venus is passing by the sun today and turning from evening star to morning star. but this weird stuff felt more to me like a "colour of space" that was just passing through. maybe all of it together. or i'm just a wacko and none of it! i rather like this final option because it gives me the inability to be concerned about final outcomes, etc. ANYWAY i've been collecting a little choice instrumental gamelan. i've this one that features an instrument like a marimba but made out of bamboo. WOW!! you can REALLY feel the sound waves hitting your body!! WHOA!! "Jegog - The Bamboo Gamelan of Bali" performed by Werdi Sentana. (CMP Records: Minneapolis, 1991.) in just intonation. feels like a massage almost. really relaxed and vibrant afterwards. i was rolling this idea over in my mind this week: we will know we've reached the racial turning point when white people are jokingly referring to each other as "crackers," "honkys" and "peckawoods;" to the point where black people are jokingly referring to EACH OTHER by these names. THEN we will have arrived. there's just way a lot of uptightness around the subject STILL and it's mainly because of certain parties taking themselves WAY TOO SERIOUSLY. also it brings me great glee to see Santo Daime church win their federal court case DECISIVELY. as we turn the page on this past ugly period of conservative overrule, i do hope that the religions that i feel an affinity for will be allowed to be in devotion to their perception of the Divine and to flourish as the true potential gift to sapiens that they have the potential to become. Click Here For Article 3-8-2009 FURTHER EXPLICATIONS IN THE MYSTERIES OF DARV I have been Darv before, i shall be Darv again. the fun goes on and on...and on...and on...and on.... a living pranava, yin/yang mandorla of the mother of radiance and the father of substance, extreme high states of ecstasy BEYOND raw pleasure, so complete and profound that the violent shaking has given way to a bliss beyond pure love, so fulfilled and precious that the Universal Smile has dissolved into sheer Being, "Tranquility," ENSTASY. and so i have become Darv again. if one chants "Darv Again," repeatedly it will become "Gandharva." and perhaps this should know in my waggly wordgame world: Click here for Gandharva listing at Myth-Folklore and it is SO me! i'm particularly good at that asterism thing. O & more: see my music & eating of fragrances (ambience) Gandharva Listing at Answers Had to share this great page of streaming MP3s with whosoever should read this! Generous 4 minute samples many of which loop really well! I've already ordered Indigo Egg, which is Matt Hillier of Ishq/Virtual fame, and am happily looking forward to the release of the Val(lium) debut release, "Daydreamer." SAIKO SOUNDS ROCKS!! Click Here For Celestial Dragon page at Saiko Sounds 3-5-2009 Just obtained the revised edition of "Astrotheology and Shamanism" (subtitled: "The Pagan Roots of Christianity," whereas the first edition was subtitled, "Unveiling The Law of Duality in Christianity and Other Religions") by Jan Irvin and Andrew Rutajit. It is SO AMAZING to be seeing distillations of all this information i've been studying for a quarter century. wow. what will they think if MY texts ever release? wow.... ANYWAY, this new book is a superb read for getting up to speed on what we are coming to realize about Christianity and, more importantly, how we are beginning to get a good look at the ACTUAL wisdom that was suppressed by religion and that "science" FAILED to liberate when it extricated itself from the deadly grip of religion. i acknowledge that independent research scholars here at the end of the cycle have learned to couch their language in the terms of "science," so many moderns are by baby steps beginning to be aware of the lack of our ancient wisdom in our lives. Terence McKenna referred to this as "the archaic revival," but i agree with Ken Wilber that we are not regressing to a more primitive context, but rather INTEGRATING this ancient wisdom into a modern context; hence, an "integral," rather than archaic structure. their website features a 3 hour 23 minute 246mb downloadable FREE video which contains a portion of the evidence in the book and also many of the gorgeous color plates demonstrating the occult level of religious art. Time To Go To The Pharmacratic Inquistion or if you want to see the Amazon listing: Click Here for Amazon listing Beyond this reclamation of the ancient wisdom (as i enjoy saying, "i'm an ancient wisdomer, not a new ager" (although i daresay there is no denying that we seem to be bumbling into a new era of some sort...),) there is this issue of a paradigm shift if the average person's mind was ever so ever to even think about moving their brain from a newtonian universe to a quantum-relativistic universe, and all the symbolic motif alterations that this would imply! what we need is a new culture story that includes everybody in the world. something people WANT to be a part of. this vision of a NEW WORLD ORDER BANKOCRACY that we seem to be slouching in the direction of doesn't really have a lot of appeal to most people on earth. are people even aware that slavery is a bigger problem now than it was in the 20th century? i think not. backsliding is nothing new, we just forget about it. we aren't even aware of doing it as we do it. that's the beauty of the trick-trap-trope. 2-20-2008 i've been reading "Deep Spirit" by Christian deQuincey. Click Here For Excerpts my reading patterns aren't what they used to be. at one time, i read and finished as many as 4 books a week. now, i'm reading half a dozen simultaneously and finishing perhaps one or two a MONTH!...i know: i'm terrible.... but i still PLOW through books i'm enthused about. the last book like that was "The Antipodes Of The Mind" by Benny Shanon, an AMAZING cartography of the possible states of mind one experiences on major psychedelics. an exhilirating read! I'm pretty hooked on deQuincey right now, having read his "Radical Nature" at a flat out pace. it gave me a head buzz similar to "Ecstatic Naturalism" by Robert S. Corrington. Basically, he carefully lays out the philosophical arguments underlying Materialism and Idealism and then demonstrates their fundamental flaws. He then argues that neither is correct and that matter and consciousness have always coexisted and that neither arose from the other. i consider his formulation much more accurate than the other two. Christian deQuincey's second book, "Radical Knowing," which i must confess i have only gotten a third of the way through, but am continuing to read. his writing is fluid, conversational and easy to read - - a delight to read actually - - i think the block for me is integrating the painful thought that i am my relationships, since i have so few intersapiens relationships that are anything more than superficial. so i have to turn to my nonsapiens and transcendental relationships to really connect with the ideas sometimes.... i've read nearly half of "Deep Spirit" this last week, which is a pretty good pace for me these days. i am just so, er, "obsessed"? with visionary sounds, meditation and the internet these days. (i don't count all the reading that i do on the internet as "reading" i guess...) from what i've read so far, i've gotten several interesting ideas, the first of which is that perhaps our civilization is an evolutionary error and we are experiencing the early term ramifications of a correction. while the main problem is overweening intellectuality at the service of the ego, smothering the intuition, the external problems are fundamentalist materialism which has led us into dominator consumerism with a system of monetary banking that emphasizes Profit over concerns for the well-being of humans, all other life and the ecosystem, coupled with organized religious systems that prevent self-realization and fundamentalist scientism which precludes academic study of any data regarding psychic or spiritual experience. 2-15-2009 nothing like having someone back their car right up below your bedroom window and crank up the hip hop music on the subwoofer. AHHHHHH!!! what is with people??? i guess that was my valentine.... i've been having some good transitions in my head and believe i'm near the end of this long painful process. I WANT TO BELIEVE! a friend of mind just got his PhD. his dissertation was on the global uroboros. he posted an extract on the web and then some band in Japan named theirself "Global Uroboros." love the net! 2-13-2009 i know i haven't been too smooth at keeping this column up. it is probably because my life is so uneventful except for books, music and video that there is rarely any goings-on to expostulate about. it has been relatively low temperature in Maui these past two months. i've found it interesting to be using a blanket in bed again. i'd nearly forgotten what it feels like to be so warm under the blanket that you can hardly bear to come out from under it. i recently picked up the brand new book by Christian DeQuincey, "Deep Spirit - Cracking The Noetic Code," and LOVE IT. it is as if Philip K. Dick read all of J. G. Ballard's written works and then regimented himself to a strict diet of cubensis and ayahuasca for a few years! marvelous stuff! i've also been reading Leonora Leet's main books on Qabala. serious academic works and very dense reads. while i've found them valuable particularly for my study of sacred geometry and understanding the same in Qabala, i do not recommend her work to people who are not already quite familiar with the subject. i've been in Maui for nearly 5&1/2 years now... where does the time go? been incubating in this apt solitary the entire time. no car so pretty much stuck here in my neighborhood (the DMV makes it super tough to get a license. i wonder how many people are sitting alone year after year because like me they gave up and just ended up alone in their apt. i wonder if the Maui DMV even has a CLUE that this is happening?) would they care? so, no license, no car = no radio show, no nights on the town meeting people, etc. but there IS: ME - my amazing inner psychic realm and all the cool stuff that i'm into - alone, here, in this apt. if i didn't find myself so incredibly entertaining, i might be a little freaked out....good thing....*lol* 12-28-2008 am so sorry for the Palestinian people. what complete and utter hubris this whole fiasco and we apparently never learn what is wrong with us? 12-21-2008 ah, the winter solstice, the mythos of it all! the three days & me 50 on 23rd, a Tuesday (i was born on a Tuesday i think...) bloody law of fives! preparation for xmas org produce chaos. self-massage, yoga, meditation, determination, plenty water. organic produce warrior will prevail! i am sworn to tomorrow commandeering the music system at the store and playing xmas music i've selected instead of the SAME OLD BORING STUFF we've been listening to, in the same order even, for the last five years! the canned xmas music from our cable tv service is anathema to any sensitive soul under prolonged exposure! this insanity must end! i have arranged a stunning array of audio armaments, archived aural antidotes to life- sucking, compression embalmed corporate poozak. i was fascinated to see how incredibly diverse the xmas music there was, compared to what was available the last time i bothered (long ago.) to wit: the number one choice for me: A Charlie Brown Christmas Vince Guaraldi Trio this album means xmas to me. kids love it, it has impressive musicianship and the holiday spirit. The Jethro Tull Christmas Album great for classical rock renditions of standards like greensleeves, pavane, bouree, etc The Ventures Christmas album classic surf rock band serves up the traditionals A Dave Brubeck Christmas solo jazz piano interpretations Ramsey Lewis Sound of Christmas forgotten classic atmospheric jazz interpretations Herb Alpert & Tijuana Brass Christmas Album another kid pleaser. fun, positive energy Chicago The Christmas Album obviously influenced by Steely Dan trad. covers Manhattan Transfer Christmas Album MT's awesome 40s style harmonies, delicate energy Jingle All The Way Bela Fleck & The Flecktones complex world fusion jazz with banjo does xmas Merry Christmas From The Space-Age Bachelor Pad Esquivel ok: kids might get too rambunctious on this crazy stuff and float off into the sunshine sky. VERY 50s lounge this brings us of course to: Ultra-Lounge Christmas Cocktails Volumes 1 & 2 Various Artists proving xmas music from 40s & 50s can be hip and since i am in maui: Ki Ho'alu Christma Various Artists traditionals get da kine slack key guitar treatment Christmas On Big Island The Blue Hawaiians a hawaiian surf rock band with da kine stylee and yes there is a reward for having read this far: Christmas Remixed Various Artists classics by the likes of bing crosby, andy williams, louis armstrong, duke ellington, mel torme, tripped out by amazing technohiphop remixes. excellent!! 2 CD Snoop Dogg Presents Christmas In Da Dogg House Snoop Doggy Dogg & Friends i was just saying a week ago somebody should drop a real xmas gangsta rap album & *pow* here it is, Snoop was way ahead of me on this one. and it is really good positive vibe for the kind of tryp that it is. i call it an instant classic. and lastly, outta respect & it is way cool music: Putumayo Presents New Orleans Christmas while rather outside the vibe of the basic mix here, we all know that Nawlins' jazz is a heady, joyful tryp. sounds exactly like you think it sounds. and ps: happy b'day to me on my 50th tues 23rd & to whosoever should read this PEACE JOY & LOVE during this solstice transformation period 2008. 11-30-2008 produce man survived another thanksgiving! in fact, due to the economic downturn we didn't sell as much so i didn't work as hard so i wasn't as in much pain on thanksgiving as i usually am and that was something to be thankful for! although i know that this less work is bad for people who think money is important, all i can respond with is the produce manager's refrain: MY HEART CARES, BUT MY BACK DOESN'T (this is also the refrain used when someone tries to say that another produce worker is somehow special or has a special problem that we need to be sensitive to which one way or another means that they aren't expected to do the backwork....and of course who will?) man, i've been so happy lately, though! my adventures in consciousness have been so exquisite, my new acquisitions so superb, the food so rich and bachelor-like, the movies and videos so amazing -AND- i am free of emotional attachments to women at this point. one always seems to have one lingering in the background somewhere, it seems. that girl at the cafe who is so friendly and open; that hairdresser whose work is so sensuous because it is the only time that a woman actually touches one; that coworker who momentarily rests her hand on one's forearm or shoulder on occasion: i have none of that now and go to sleep without loneliness, awaken without pretending someone is there to say good morning. it's great! having those feelings that can never reach their consummation because she doesn't really notice you she likes someone younger, taller, lighter, richer, more aggressive, confident, whatever the list is -- is really frustrating and a drag. the last woman i had these feelings for, in fact i wrote a song for her about a year ago, our ultimate intimacy was when she gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek because i had some organic produce that had been mistakenly shipped to me and i couldn't sell it so i was giving it away. i was expecting the little hug, but the kiss was completely surprising. i knew i had reached the ultimate with her. but that small kiss which will have to last me a lifetime was more for me then i'm sure some of those one-night flings she had when she lived next door to me were to those guys. funny how the world works. now, she lives on the other side of the island, and it might as well be the other side of the world. i am free! 11-13-2008 never really thought of myself as an "expert" in the realms of visionary sound arts, but more as an "aficionado," an informed enthusiast who expresses himself by playing the music on the radio, in live dance or ambient room situations, and by writing about it on an humbly small website which is really a free homestead on some ginormous server somewhere. i am, however, always gratified and thankful when i receive any recognition. the special cyberfriendships that i have with various VSA artists due to my developing the VSA Interface are very special relationships in my rather circumspect and solitary existence here in the desert tropical regions of paradise island. with that said, i want to *trumpet* my enthusiasm about what a book and a cd of music can do for you. here it is: acquire the following two items and synergize them: a) the book, "The Most Direct Means To Eternal Bliss" by Michael Langford (Freedom of Religion Press, 2008) you can download this for free at Click here for on-line text http://www.albigen.com/uarelove/most_rapid/contents.aspx or you can buy it (i highly recommend that you end up with an ACTUAL BOOK IN YOUR HANDS.) click here for Amazon website entry b) acquire the double CD, "Shakti Silence," by Kip Mazuy from the Bliss Music website: Click here to view Shakti Silence webpage if you balk at the price of the cd, consider that you are not just paying for "music," but for a meditative device that will help you live a happier life. compared to therapists, analysts, chiropractors and the like, this is not expensive. the book is quite inexpensive and just might be the most important book that you have ever read. At 171 pages, with font that might be 24 point, one would think this book is a fast, easy read. WRONG. because your ego is going to start fighting you around chapter 3. but this book has the potential for opening your mindset up in a BIG way, if you allow yourself to really digest its message. i'm not going to tell you the message because the title makes it self-evident. read the book while listening to the sound matrices on the CDs. read each chapter repeatedly. read the book more than once. !follow the instructions! i am quite confident that you will agree that the $110 or whatever it is is WELL WORTH THE RESULTS. of course, for less than $20 you can have the book which will work regardless if you allow yourself to be wounded by it. naturally, you can view it for free at the link above, but with no real investment in the process it is doubtful whether you dear reader will be willing to read the text from beginning to end, much less implement any of the thought experiment injunctions. if you are already meditating regularly or earnestly seeking spiritual renewal and deepening, what i have just suggested is not only a BARGAIN but will also save you A LOT of time fumbling around. 10-05-08 i've been feeling happier and healthier. had 4 days off in a row and got some good down time. less physical pain and somehow more buoyant. is it the Kip Mazuy i've been listening to? i think so.... just realized i haven't been to the beach all summer. wish there were some bodysurfable waves.... really starting to enjoy solitude immensely! "The gourmet bachelor lifestyle" here at Darv-xanadu! today someone said to me that the lead in the presidential race was increasing and looked like a sure thing. don't be so sure of that, i said. it's a crazy, wacky world and lots of things can happen between now and then." i remember election 2000 when the calif polls closed and Gore was announced winner on east coast. my friends kicking their heels up. let's wait and see what happens with Florida, i said. why didn't these guys know that it was florida florida florida? -- later, they were shocked and chastened. looks like you called that one, darv. what is to call? they tell you up front what is going to happen! everybody knows about the 8-ton elephant in the room.... a fundamental yet superficial issue about one of the candidates that nobody wants to address directly.... of course, it is there and a fundamental issue for most voters in both parties. but we can't discuss it.... and then the whole dirty tricks, shadow govt thing: the military option is not beneath these guys. a nice little crisis late in the month. omg, you know what they need? some shadow ops trying to get UBL taken hostage... for ransom even. and then they blast in there and save our guys the day before the election. in total elation, the voting populace loses its senses and just pulls what- ever lever is in front of it!! yay!! that's what i think. character assassination, the guilt by association thing won't stick because both candidates have some unsavory associations in the past and the smeller is really the feller -- it's a no-win game because too much ammo on both sides. after election 2000, i am in no mood to vote, tho. you will have to convince me that it is on the up & up, coz i do not accept that belief as valid. it is rigged. that being said, i do enjoy all the blustering and flumflummery. and the sauce of course, is that as profoundly ridiculous as the economic catastrophe is, it will be in short order completely overwhelmed by the ecological crisis. you gotta love this crazy planet and the lovable but completely stupid sapiens running around on it who have made such a botchjob of their situation. 8-31-08 more delicious irony with the republican convention scrambling due to Hurricane Gustav. HA! one must wonder whether if Katrina had never happened even if the Repubs would just go ahead with the convention like nothing was wrong. i bet they would. because that is who they are. that is who they were last time. it is who they are now. which means that all this fuss and hubbub is merely for show because of the issue of the obvious lack of caring three years ago. HA! i also revel in the fact that the name of the hurrican is GUSTAV, which means "Staff of the Goths." if you pursue the etymology, "Goth" of course refers to ancient eastern europeans who occupied lands we call Sweden and Norway these days. one line of etymology brings us to the old norse word for "to pour," and obviously a hurricane is a sort of upright pouring staff, a staff of the pouring or pourers (one writer claiming that Goths seemed to "pour into" an area of new inhabitance. But we must also note that "Goth" also has intimate connections to the Old German "Gott," from which we get our word "God." in this context, we might speculate, that then Gustav is the Staff of the Gods or God, and indeed is pronounced in an approximation of "God's Staff." this then frightening, as it should, the fundies amongst us into realizing I smitest Me thou for thy unrepentant lack of compassion. clear the stage of the convention of the conventionals and unleash the Furious wrack of Thee Wrath. strike at the fresh wound, lest they forget the stench of their pride. and watch the Righties fly, pretending they care. 8-03-08 Getting rid of my cable television access this week. The presidential race has become far too racist and i won't be able to stay away from it unless i pull the plug. it is outrageous to me that nobody on tv is able to see that comparing the first black man to run for president with blonde, white media darlings like Paris Hilton or Britney Spears is the HEIGHT of racism. If the other campaign was to compare the white man with Whitney Houston or Naomi Campbell, we would hear howls of objection. but what is the reality? is the black man a vacuous smarmy attention slut, or is the white man a belligerent, brain-addled crack ho whose better days are far behind? To my mind, america is far too racist to be ready for a black president. we shouldn't even be talking about it as a realistic option. 06-16-08 Crazy vibes as the economy ditches out & the folks in the middle of the ocean wonder if anybody will come out of the airport this week..... Here i am in the final month of making it five years in Maui. well-fed, heavier, steady media diet, beach living. no close friends. virtual hermit's paradise. women? everybody wants to know. - - yeah i fell in love a couple of times and had the hots a couple of times, but all i can tell is that either there is something about me that is rather frightening or disgusting. in any event, no woman has shown any interest in getting to know me or even share a meal with me, except of course for that one married woman with the humongous diamond ring who really liked my rum and maybe wanted me to be the excuse for the end of her marital fidelity, i couldn't tell really, but homey don't play dat game. anyway, i passed on that on general principles. so, come september it will be 13 years alone, out of the game, not gettin' any. homewrecker ain't my game.... and it is ok because when you have been out of the game as long as i have, it doesn't have the appeal it once had. i look at the men around me and their relationships and marriages and, quite frankly, it seems like my life is more pleasant. people will often say that one must needs be lonely as we are a social animal and men can't go without sex and all that rubbish. yet still, when i see how lonely and miserable they are IN THEIR RELATIONSHIP, i realize that i have simply cut out the worst part, which is the constant antagonism and dissatisfaction from another person. never so lonely as in a crowd. i've just bypassed that thing. besides, my solitude is quite maui bachelor style. da kine. 5-25-08 Time flies along. I had a week of off time from the job. Mainly spent it catching up on my sleep. Ate at so many great local restaurants, i was certain that i had gained at least five pounds. Nope. We didn't have many cool days this winter and precious little rain. Things have heated up now as we head back towards the summer solstice and the blastingly hot days that will follow it. This summer looks to be a real slow season as many visitors have cancelled their plans, not wanting to pay the airfare. yes, travel to and from the mainland is righteously high now and i wonder should i ever move from here will it cost me twice as much as when i came? Gnarly. During my vacation, i rode the bus out to the center of the island, where the library system has a bookstore: only a dime per book! Of course, it is a pretty random selection. I ended up with a number of books on the dolphin/ET connection, the Rubaiyat, Camille Paglia's "Sexual Personae," a book on the Plague and some additional material on angels. I've also found several books on Huna and ancient Hawaiian legends that look interesting. I also had dinner with an interesting fellow who recently got a BA in Literature and then came to Maui to work in natural foods....really the only person i know right now with some intellectual interests outside of the box. He reminds me of my best friend from the post-college days: reads D. H. Lawrence, Henry Miller, Dosteyevsky, Nietzsche; is outspokenly atheist and perhaps to lesser degrees feminist and revolutionist. Interesting fellow, but he will be pissed off if he ever sees my library crammed with things spiritual and mystical. (Well, i have told him that my pursuits lead me into realms intuitive and nonscientific.) I came to Maui without a single DVD in my possession. Now, i own more than 200. the *Core Collection* is just about complete. All i really need is Ingmar Bergman's "The Seventh Seal," (which i'm waiting for the right price as it is quite expensivo,) and "Waiting For Mister Goodbar," which isn't released on DVD yet. Like all my art, the video collection spans the realms from the highest beauty found in Nature and computerized mandalas to the lowest ugliness and depravity with Caligula, Salo or The Wall. oddly, i can't bring myself to own David Lynch's seminal works like Eraserhead or Blue Velvet. i do have The Elephant Man, but that's it. 4-01-08 today is sort of a bummer day because my young friend from the store who i've mentioned before (we were trading hiphop discs) left today for the mainland to live in Oregon. also, the young woman i've recently mentioned, who i've loved for the last four years, is also leaving to the mainland to spend some time with family. she says she'll be back but wants to go to school. i figure that will mean that her life will be mostly on the other side of the island, which may as well be on the mainland for all i'm able to get over there. so it's rather "back to square one" in terms of having meaningful connections. even tho this young woman and i never really "hung out," i feel closer to her than any other woman i've known here. bummers. 3-25-08 and another month flies like *that* (cyberfingersnap) perhaps unrequited love is a purity test. finally finally new releases are beginning to percolate again! and, after 16 years, The B-52s released their new album today and that is glad news for this ageing waver. back in the day, when i was doing the friday nite new wave dance show, what we called "Techno," was science fiction cyberpunk rock like Devo, Thomas Dolby, The B-52s, Gary Numan, and lesser known rock bands/projects like Pylon, Trees or even The Normal. heck, i would probably been even arguing that Human League, Heaven 17 and British Electric Foundation were essentially Techno. how times change. "Ambient" means something quite different from what it meant when the genre began also. anyway, Heaven 17 recently released an EXCELLENT modern techno album and i'm interested to see how the B's will handle that. my life is filled with music and meditation. i've been sleeping more and doing some dreamwork, which has been quite exciting! i've been getting in some extended sound trance meditations regularly. i've gone back to basics by tuning back into the NASA/Voyager recordings of the outer planets, the Berendt Primordial Tones, and have continued working with Goldman's "Waves Of Light" recording of the Sacred Healing Code frequencies on custom cut tuning forks and Weave's most recent Reiki recording, "Dai Ko Myo." i must say that the Goldman disc develops interesting energetic effects after one has been exposed to it for about half an hour (i typically notice onset of these mysterious somatic feelings at around 28 minutes.) I recently acquired both volumes of "Anacalypsis" by Godfrey Higgins and have been perusing it. it is a motherlode of etymological information regarding sacred words in many different languages. the connections between various mystical systems in the use of and borrowing of terminology is amazing. written in the 19th century by the famous English champion of asylum reform, it is a lengthy, verbose work written in the flowery intellectual style of the day interpolated by paragraphs of latin or french. also, the pages are photocopies of the original publication and hence are replete with archaic spellings and obsolete language. but every once is a while, a truly startling tidbit of etymological knowledge or speculation makes it a euphoric read for symbologists like myself. what else? i've been listening to music, not playing it so much. take out my bass every weekend and play it, that's about it. went to a FABULOUS Japanese restaurant here "Izakaya Matsu," which featured the BEST sukemono i've EVER eaten! one of my most favorite cuisines when properly prepared! stoked! i know of some wonderful dining around here now! *living the ultimate bachelor life in maui* o man, it is really too too bad that you can't see this sunset!! 2-25-08 i underestimated how difficult the transition from having someone around all the time to my usual solitariness and isolation would be....i've had to spend more time alone in order to work it out....also, these feelings of love for darling,dear get so intense when i'm near her that i've had to back off, even tho every fibre of my being wants to go down there every day and interact with her. i have to be strong and realize what the situation is at this time. she has to explore her own life at her own pace and i....well, i must hold myself only responsible for these feelings that i'm experiencing.... ....what a strange world that one can love another so intensely yet....yet be so apart and only tenuously connected.... is unrequited love really my favorite kind of love? 2-16-08 she was at the drug store this morning on my morning run. after i expressed pleasure and surprise at seeing her there, my heart leapt into my throat and i didn't get much more out and sort of beat a hasty retreat. i didn't give her a valentine because a)she just moved in with a guy, and b) she already knows i'm in love with her -- i don't want to be redundant or trite about it. she already knows. i do hope that some day we will be a lot closer than we are now. some day soon. my brother has left for the big island and i am back in the maui groove, doin' my usual thang here in the Islands. i've a new book: Mastering Astral Projection, which has gotten good reviews. am considering resuming my dreamwork motif. waking up in dreams is fun! 2-09-08 my brother has been here for the last ten days. it's good to have someone to talk to and share things with when one gets home. i'd nearly forgotten what that was like. he has a rental car also, so we've gotten out to various places around the island that would normally be plain out of my ability to get there because of bus route and schedule constraints. even tho i'm working nearly 50 hours a week, these moments of camraderie make me feel like i'm nearly on vacation. we've snorkeled in numerous spots, hiked around Iao Valley, been to all my favorite restaurants and a couple of new ones, jammed in my studio [which we taped and is actually pretty cool, i'm listening to it now.] that young woman i've been writing about has moved out of my apt complex to move in with a young lifeguard guy she's known about 2 months around 15 miles away in Wailuku, up in a very nice area. i'm sad of course, but mainly coz i wish she was moving in with me. it was much harder 3 & half years ago when she hooked up with that other guy. just the fact that she accepts that i have feelings for her is such an enormous plus in my life. it is rare that a woman is kind and understanding about this, so i feel so lucky just that i can be accepted without fear of my motivations or expectations. and i expect no more than what has happened so far. i just hope for her happiness, knowing that i am capable of loving her solely forever. i hope she is involved with a man who can give her that. i will always have that kiss on the cheek and that means more to me than anything else that has happened for me on Maui. 1-26-08 well, apparently i was fretting needlessly. things are going well. she said, "i love you, too!" and kissed my cheek! *more than i dared hope for* just mustn't get carried away. let things flow naturally. meanwhile, my heart is excited and i daresay rambunctious. down, boy.... 1-20-08 well, it would appear that Marley DVD was going too far. she's wary of me now, i guess.... blew it again.... i love her so much. i wish she could love me back. ah well... 1-13-08 i've not mentioned previously someone very special in my life out here. this glaring omission is probably because i don't want to jinx it, but also because its another of my tangential love relationships. but the time has come to say SOMETHING, i guess. so, here goes: a coupla months ago, i wrote her one of my greatest all-time Darvtunes and gave her the remastered demo on CD. the title is "Darling, Dear" and it was actually written by my heart and only interpreted by my brain. in the lyrics, i managed to say everything i needed to say. it's a great tune, done in a very mellow love-infused reggae style with a Rundgrenesque break. because of this, i shall refer to her (and sometimes DO in real life) as "Darling." *she seems to like that too!* after i'd been here in the apartment in Kihei a few months, she moved in next to my nosey downstairs neighbor. their front doors shared the balcony. she and her housemate were very active young women with the guys, the sweet smell of burning herbal remedies and roots reggae loud on speaker. the first time Darling and i passed by on the sidewalk, she warmly greeted me with a genuine ALOHA that rather surprised me as i'd gotten rather little of that here. she was walking with her housemate and i, as i recall, was coming home from work rather despondant about certian lame realities there at the time. since jeff made it his business to be in other people's business (especially if they had some herbal remedies,) it was not long before he was chatterboxing in his neighbor's lives and he was bringing me down to meet Darling. now jeff had some serious rudeness and social manipulation issues and i could tell from Darling's demeanor that she was waiting for me to say something to put her down, as i assumed she was used to experiencing from at least jeff if not other men. during that short bit of time on her porch, jeff dominated the time with constant talking, but the five minutes he was over in his apartment on the phone, i discovered that this was a very charming and sweet woman from New Orleans who had wonderful soul qualities, a sweetness in her personality that is very rare. i think that handful of minutes is when i realized this was somebody i could love. i tried a few times to visit her when i knew she was home, but jeff intercepted every time (spider in the web kind of deal,) since i had to pass by his open door to get to hers. i really didn't want her associating me with him because i was not as much his "friend" as i was an "accomodating neighbor" (which i'm sure was her plight also,) and actually nothing like him or Led Zeppelin. after several tries, i abandoned this strategy. one day, i was on the lawn at Kamaole Beach with Joel, when our paths crossed. she said she'd broken up with her boyfriend. i immediately asked her if she would go out with me. she replied, "no. i'm done with boys. for now at least." i said, "well, maybe it's time you tried a man." she said, "that's funny, that's what my friends said. but i don't know." anyway, she liked our attention but declined my proposal a second time. a week later, she was with this guy who was a friend of her downstairs neighbors and had been hanging around their place. she and he came through the store and she saw that i was sad and asked me what was wrong, but i was simply silent and shook my head. it didn't seem wise at that moment to say "i'm in love with you and i wish you'd chosen me." their relationship went on for, i don't know exactly, around 3 years? i'd see her now and again, but she moved out of the apt and it became less frequent. o, i forgot to mention that she works at the cafe i pass by every day. so i saw her there a lot, but she got a job elsewhere and wasn't working at the cafe anymore. her coming into my store ended too. then around 6 months ago she started working at the cafe now and again. one day, she told me that she was breaking up with her boyfriend and then that she was living with another guy. at least that's what it sounded like. there was a new other guy. so i didn't say anything. this situation brought up these feelings into my every day conscious awareness again and became so intense that i wrote this song and gave it to her. i've also given her many gifts besides the song. but mostly cute things like a wind-up energizer bunny (telling her "it's kind of like love: it keeps going & going,") food written-off from the store that i was taking home and gave her one as i passed by, strawberries, and of course this wonderful song i wrote for Darling Dear that i think really DOES energize one's heart with love energy. but the gift i gave today was different and probably why i'm writing about it now. today i took my usual sunday walk to the consignment store to hunt for CDs and DVDs. as i passed by the cafe i got my usual splurge drink double mocha with whipped cream. at the shop, i found a copy of Pulp Fiction, which is sort of a 2nd string pick (worthy, but not essential) for my collection, and also a Bob Marley Live DVD which i instantly thought that Darling would like. so i gave it to her, hoping she didn't already own it. she said no, but she HAD tried to download at one point. so, i was glad that it *dovetailed* right in there. she asked if i wanted some money, which i declined, remarking "money doesn't mean anything, that's why i have lots of it." which is my usual thought in this regard. but that IS the point and WHY i'm writing. this was my first gift to her that i actually spent money on and she recognized that in her words. i wish she knew that for me the money was only a means of giving her Bob Marley and is a total background thing for me. 12-17-07 my latest thrill is the ENTHEOGEN dvd, which i bought on-line and will review in the dvd section forthwith (i loaned it to a friend and want to view it again before writing the review.) here we are in the pre-xmas madness. it's the most loneliest time of the year. this may emotionally be the toughest one i've gone through since i moved here. i guess i had this misconception that women would be friendlier out here and maybe i could get a girlfriend. o well.... i DID manage to have dinner with a woman a few weeks ago. she comes to my store and sells me fruit from her yard on occasion. she's very attractive, outgoing and emotionally warm. we have good conversations. well, she showed up at my work at the end of my work week and wanted to go out for food and drinks. it was very intimate. we were in physical contact most of the time. it was amazing watching how easily she met people and could elicit revealing personal information from them. after food & drinks, we went back to my house. o...did i mention the huge diamond ring on her finger? so at my house we drank half a bottle of rum and she ruminated about her marriage for six hours. ....but i DID finally after four & a half years get to have dinner with a woman. look on the bright side. 11-24-07 hey, i'm doing just great so don't you worry about me. lots of energy, alcohol consumption WAY down. getting maybe 5 hours sleep.... very stoked i found a revised edition of Chinmayananda's excellent ASHTAVAKRA GITA, which has been published under the name, "The Heart Of Awareness." one of my key spiritual texts, a classic of nondualism Click here for Chinmaya Publications i've just today burned mix one of the hour-length, two half hour meditation sound matrices DarvDisc i put together these last few weeks. It is titled: Golden Healing Codes. it's quite simple: pure sine waves computer generated at frequencies suggested by a basic golden ratio progression where whole numbers where each number is added to the number which preceded it in order to obtain the next number. 1+1=2; 2+1=3; 3+2=5; 5+3=8, and so forth. i simply present the 16 audible frequencies, 8 to 10,946 hertz with raw sine waves. i must admit to fudging a bit because the lower 3 frequencies i made triangle waves to give them a little more punch. that's "Golden." the second half hour piece, "Healing Codes," is the 9 so-called healing codes announced in the late 90's in a book titled, "Healing Codes For the Coming Biological Apocalypse," or some such. i actually owned that book and perused it at length for a while. i guess the claim is that these frequencies were obtained from the book of Numbers in the Bible, using a Pythagorean calculation. in any event, Jonathan Goldman has done some find healing code music of late i got the hankering to just hear all nine sine wave codes played at once for an extended period of time. the result is the fascinating, "Healing Codes" meditation. obviously, both of these pieces are extended drones or, well actually, complex hums. they do fufill some basic curiosities for me personally and i think should you ever hear them you would agree that they feel fabulous!! 10-06-07 the word, "vacation," means "a state of vacancy," which implies that something is missing, when the reality is that the time a person is vacationing is a time of fulfillment. i woke up the other morning, and a voice in my head was asking my employer (this in dream, of course,) "what exactly IS our vacationship?" one looks forward all year to that one time of the year when it is, supposedly, "OK" to take a week off. shame to see it fall apart over nothing. now i have nothing to look forward to. no prospects. good thing i get my love from music! yay! 9-22-07 "DON'T TASE ME, BRO!!" i'd like to have that on a t-shirt. or better yet, a FLAG, like one of those "don't tread on me" flags that were considered for the american flag, only now it should read "DON'T TASE ME, BRO!!" the story is heating up. will the forces of greed and power be able to discombobulate Liberty and slave us all to the xebra xode? it would seem we truly have become sheeple. obese, uneducated travesties of freedom. choking to death on a mkyD freedom fry *what a way to go* " a people who would trade liberty for security deserve NEITHER" -- a notable founding father of the country. so we will see what we get when we eat all the box of chocolates. we will see, my precious, o yes, we will see....and yes it has come to this: DON'T TASE ME, BRO!! DON'T TASE ME!! ....and those who *do* are dead.... other than that, i'm having a MARVELOUS TIME....really.... 9-16-07 WHAT IT REALLY MEANS IS I'M SELF-INVOLVED i've been doing so much work elsewhere in the site that this blog is sort of low priority i guess. and why not? since i hardly ever do anything interesting that wouldn't be better suited to the review columns well, now i've something to talk about, my new book: SUPERNATURAL - Meetings With The Ancient Teachers of Mankind by Graham Hancock (NY: Disinformation Company, 2006) This is a completely fascinating description of the author's sleuth work in trying to understand ancient cave art of the upper paleolithic era and WHY after nearly 120 thousand years, anatomically modern humans suddenly began to express themselves symbolically. this leads him right into one of my favorite subjects: shamanism and the use of plant sacraments. but the emphasis is on paleontology and specifically the unanswered questions about cave art. as the book unfolds, it reveals the sordid history of paleontology which sort of makes the field a poster child for why i think scientists really have their heads up their ass. it also gives the reader an intimate view into cave art THAT THE AUTHORITIES DOWNPLAYED AND COVERED UP in order to protect their pet theories over the years. Ultimately, the text is a careful delineation of the neuropsychological theory of cave art by David Lewis-Williams which was promulgated in the late 20thC, when paleontology had GIVEN UP theorizing about what cave art meant. this book systematically exposes the opposition to the theory as being more crotchety, power-tripping academia. in short, Lewis-Williams' theory is a logical extension of Terence McKenna's claims about the role tryptamines in food would have played in our ancient ancestors initial spiritual and cultural experiences. but the neuropsychological theory is actually supported by solid science and not the baiting claims of my favorite philosophical maverick. nothing else is happening, really. i've some other new books and just got a hundred bucks of new clothing. this young woman i've liked for a few years here in Maui just moved back into my apartment complex and has been working her old job at the coffee hut i pass by every day on my way to work. so my 2 minutes a week of getting a coffee from her are the highlight of my otherwise very routine life. i still hear from LE every once in a while and she seems to be doing well. i was able to obtain 5 pounds of ORGANIC hot thai peppers that i now have in my freezer. stoked! as for the war: it looks like the conservatives are just going to play "kick the can down the road" to the next administration, so they can blame the "liberals" for losing the war, rather than admit it was a stupid idea to begin with. to me, the joke is that it is NOT "liberals versus conservatives" anymore, but ACTUALLY "conservatives versus fascists." anybody who thought the war was a good idea has blood on their hands. 7-17-07 O EVERY MONTH LIKE THAT'S SO MUCH BETTER? so a vacation that was *actually* a sick leave, the mother of a close friend suddenly dies, and now we have some mortality issues with more tests to follow. great. but really, i'm in great spirits, summer is hot like i like it but the water level is higher wtf? Stanislv Grof's recent "The Ultimate Journey" exploring the relationship between death and consciousness is my new read and the pages sure turn faster when you get engrossed! i have lots of energy and recently started Xylamend and including Kombucha in my morning oblations. just feeling great. i've had chronic neck and head pain that started over twenty years ago in my lower thoracics and worked its way up vertabrae by vertabrae over the years. people used to say, "what will happen if it ever just continues up and out the top of your head?" and i would joke, "well, then, maybe my ass falls off." funny, huh? but perhaps the joke is on me. that would be the COSMIC JOKE. but we will see... 6-15-07 O MAN WHAT IS THIS?!? ONLY EVERY 3 MONTHS NOW?!? This DarvInfo idea sort of slowed down over the years as i've developed a comfortable rut and grown with the flow & so on & on & on.... The main components to review: i acquired and entrained myself to the Multi- Dimensional Music set by Jacotte Chollet. This was an incredible saga detailed at Click here to see details of my experiences with MMDClick here for Exotica listing at Wikipedia" Anyway, i've lately started collecting some of the more prominent recordings in the genre by these 3 artists and am not sure whether i should actually include them in the reviews section of the VSA Interface, since i'm sure the dated nature of the recordings wouldn't be exciting to most people. I'm not into this just for the childhood nostalgia factor, either, though it has something to do with that. Likewise, it isn't just that i'm adorning my hawaii bachelor pad with the proper accoutrements, although certainly that is a factor also. A large part of this is my sudden realization that Exotica is, in fact, part of what i mean when i say "Visionary" music. There can be no doubt that much of the atmospheres in Exotica are influenced by Satie. in fact, it IS something of impressionist tendencies with affinities at times to composers of that genre. In that Exotica attempted to create an entirely spurious tropical music, it almost qualifies as what Brian Eno meant by "Fourth World Music." In simulating ocean waves, palm fronds rustling, bird calls and even the occasional monkey hoot, Exotica presaged later "new age" music which inserted actual recordings of the natural environments rather than imitations. Much of Exotica is cinematic, intentionally trying to engage the listener on a visual level, trying to put us there in the jungle or on the beach. Often a short two & a half minute song attempts to sketch an entire audio short story, if you will. Often, the dorky or campy segments are simply describing the child-like feelings of pure fun and spontaneity as happens when one is at play in paradise. Admittedly, Exotica is brushed-off as a music that was specifically designed for getting sloshed at cocktail parties or pool parties. My response? HEY, WHAT POPULAR MUSIC IN THE FIFTIES WASN'T DESIGNED FOR THAT?? In fact, wasn't "Lounge Music," from which Exotica emerged, with performers like Dean Martin or Sinatra for alcohol bar scenes with extra cushy seating? One great thing about Exotica is the exuberance & joy you can sense in the recordings. These people really got a kick out of playing this stuff, and even today a good selection of Exotica would make a great pool party here in the Islands. As a Visionary deejay, i would really love to someday incorporate this music into my tropical sets. I think i could really provide a greater faux tropique atmosphere for one of the bars around here. or excuse me LOUNGES. 10-14-06 BACK IN THE THICK OF THINGS O MY ACHING BACK!! Too much produce box lifting. Tired and achey. We haven't had any trade winds, so completely socked in with the VOG from the Big Islands. what is "vog?" volcanic smoke plus fog. the volcanot on the big island, kilauea, has been acting up. nice sunsets, though. but you end up feeling kinda blechy. (is that a word?) blase. today is my 17th consecutive day of no alcohol (assuming i don't drink today.) i haven't "quit," but i think that pool hall brawl with subsequent vom session kinda grossed me out on the whole deal. probably the longest period of time in my adult life that i have consumed no alcholic beverages. my main creative activity of the last 2 weeks has been recording half hour sets on music on cass tape to play just before the open at work. it ain't radio broadcasting, but i've enjoyed thinking up sets and executing them. i'm still considering the ultimate UFO set and a lounge music set. 9-18-06 TRACK DARV'S WONDROUS 1ST VACATION IN 3 YEARS!! yes, folks, believe it or not, i have finally gone on vacation! (although i just got off the phone with the bulk spinach guy about credit from the e coli thing, so, technically, i was working on my first day off.) but yes, my physical body is at home and NOT at the work site! whoopee but seriously, i am not sure what one does with one's time on vacation when one already lives in paradise....here is the weekend first two days: satday: the de rigeur jacuzzi in the new pool area behind my building, natch. i tried to take a nap, but there was an alarm beeper going off some- where and when that was over, the downstairs neigh- bor began vacuuming for an extended period of time (around 40 minutes total.) so i did doze off briefly but really too much going on to "nap." big artichoke omelette. sunday: got on the bus & went to Ma`alaea Harbor to see if that cool arabic restaurant was still there. it wasn't. found the public access to the surf spot & watch the surfers for a while...on the way to check out the miniature golf course which i may give a go soon, i found a large "mercedes benz" towel in the road. ha! on down into Kahului town, where i acquired: Healing Mind System 2.0 - Dr. Jeffrey S. Thompson Maya - Paul Avgerinos (2005 rerelease of 1988 disc) Ancient Ceremonies - Gerald J. Markoe and some completionist dvd's: for the comedy section: Harold & Maude - prob my fave movie all time King Of Hearts - close second Full Metal Jacket by Stanley Kubrick - which is a "war" section completion. I viewed it again last night and still very much feel that, although ultrarealistic, FMJ is not a deep movie like Apocalypse Now!, nor even as insightful as Off Limits, Hamburger Hill, or even Boys In Company C. heck, even the simplistic Platoon seems to have deeper metaphysical implications. am i missing something? i sure would like to know because: Full Metal Jacket seems to simply want to make the case that every person has their breaking point and then just BECOMES this killing machine. even GOMER PYLE becomes an insane weapon of destruction of individuals. But where is the analysis of the individuals who force them to it? Even the social analysis is incomplete: we're all a bunch of dicks deprived of pussy. i will watch this movie again in the hopes of opening up something new, but i saw it twice in the theaters and then at least once on videotape these ensuing years and, as a writer and visionary, i just don't find it profound but rather simply ultrarealistic, which doesn't mean much to me, personally, since our culture is so inundated with war stimulus that ultrarealism is humdrum. imho, of course. YET, as a kubrick release and power of its simple statement and excellent cinematography, i'm admitting it to the collection - i don't own platoon or boys in company c, although they would be the next logical completions. i don't plan to own platoon, but do like that Berenger moment where he says, "i shit on all of you," which given the circumstances i think is deeper than anything in Full Metal Jacket, which could have been something if i actually cared about any of the characters ie: if they actually had good dialogue to work with. let me just admit here that there is a personal bias involved here, to wit: when i was a youth, i was pinned with the moniker, "Snowball," much like the black man in Full Metal Jacket. and this happens in like the first five minutes of the movie! the nickname "Snowball" stuck to me for the same reason basically -- not being white. so that was a personal turn-off for me, which i vividly reexperienced yesterday after this ensuing decade of not seeing it. so, yes, i admit, that is a personal bias which affects me right at the beginning of the movie. Monday: well here it is, the first actual day of my vacation. i got a work call right away about the frickin spinach as i said before and that was a 15 minute hoohah kind of call. i'm planning another big omelette for late morning and probably some food from Da Kitchen tonite. love that chicken katsu. Tuesday: rode the bus system north on the west coast all the way up to kapalua & back. hadn't been up that direction since '93. the trip took about 5 hours, no layovers except for the 50 minute wait for one of the transfers. finally saw a restaurant that is perched right over the water (i like that kind of stuff - lots of it in SF and LA, heck even Santa Cruz has the Wharf, so it is odd to me how few restaurants and no bars perch on the shoreline in maui...i also saw the Maui Brewing Company way up almost all the way to Kapalua. i may pop in there some day.... Wednesday: listened to a lot of music. didn't eat much. went to the local "sports bar" to meet with a friend i was supposed to go there with on monday nite but he blew it off. so, we go there, i drink a few beers (hardly ever drink beer anymore) and we must have played four or five games of pool. then the bar erupted into the biggest brawl in its history. cue sticks breaking, ceramic pool balls flying (one guy got hit in the back of the head and had to be taken to the hospital,) they even broke the front door. disgusted, i left early, went home, sacked out. Thursday: hungover, had to evacuate my stomach, beer is pretty nasty actually. Later that afternoon a business associate of mine picked me up in his car and we drove out to Puunene to the Maui Friends of the Library bookstore, where you can get used books for a dime each. the armload only cost me a buck fifty. my friend was stoked because he found a pristine 1957 ticket to see The Four Freshman at The Hollywood Palladium, in some old physics text. strange... then, we went around the corner to Borders, where i picked up two recent Dr. Jeffrey S. Thompson CDs of ocean waves and amazon rain forest, respectively, with alpha brainwave matrices built-in. bought Re-Animator DVD on a whim, completing the Lovecraft film section of my collection. Friday: an extended angel day which included plenty of chanting in Hawaiian down at the Kam rocks, with selections from all the great music i've acquired recently. later, i was gonna go to the Thai restaurant, but decided at the last minute i didn't feel like sitting alone in a fancy restaurant, so i went to Da Kitchen for the de rigeur bachelor chicken katsu plate. met up with a coupld of work friends who had come there for dinner and had some nice long conversation. then home for the katsu and jacuzzi session. Saturday: got up late, like 8am, lounging. found a copy of the old Prisoner television series with Patrick McGoohan for only $50, so i bought that - a gift to myself. more sun and jacuzzi. Sunday: practical day. clean up and laundry. football a little bit i guess... 8-19-06 The coolest thing happening right now is that the maui bus lines have recently changed so i can now get all the way into two for ONE BUCK. You heard right: one dollar to get to the other side of the island. Now, if i could only get the DMV to not be a bunch of bastards and actually issue me a driver's license!-HA 8-13-06 Here is my version of the difference between Liberals and Conservatives: Liberals are selfish, greedy people and Convservatives are NASTY selfish, greedy people. Ben Franklin said that a people who would sacrifice personal liberties for security deserve neither. O BUT WHEN I SAY YOU DESERVE NEITHER YOU TELL ME TO GO LIVE SOMEWHERE ELSE and I'M 7th generation american! my ancestors fought in the Revolution and in the Civil War but NOW you've decided that THEIR X-greats grandson ISN'T GOOD ENOUGH my thought is that conservatives should move to Texas, where they can LEGALLY secede from the Union and have their fascist corporate $-over-People reality. PLEASE do that instead of trying to HIJACK the society, because GET THIS: THE OTHER HALF OF THE NATION WILL NEVER GO AWAY. and IN FACT, it is not one half of the country versus the other half, but actually one-half of the country versus pretty much the rest of the world. so please move to Texas and keep us out of it please. *exasperated!* 8-9-06 WHOA! FIVE WEEKS! WHERE DOES THE TIME GO?? Admittedly, it has been blasting hot here and i've been just a wee bit lethargic. add to that the fact that very little in the way of unusual things are happening in my life right now. my tireless search for the cutting edge continues unabated. time at my beautiful mauian beach. books, music, videos in endless rotation. feasting on rich, delicious meals i cook myself. AH THE BACHELORE LIFE!! FREEDOM!! I'm currently reading "Suns Of God" by Acharya S, which is an astrotheological survey of ancient myths and legends, showing how stories which contained actual astronomical data about the sun slowly evolved over thousands of years into our modern day personifications of the sun - Krishna, Buddha, Jesus, et al. Heavily documented with a discerning eye, this book makes an excellent case, i think, for showing that there is a planetary tradition of deities which figure the God Sun, and how the stories about these figures tend to borrow from preexisting stories. Not being heavily invested in any one of these stories, nor the denial of them, i find that much in this book rings true for me. If anything, i find that i have underestimated the brazen unoriginality of latecomer traditions in borrowing from their predecessors and then the supreme arrogance they display by trying to claim that the reverse happened. The swell has arrived, bringing big waves, rough waters, and washing half the beach away. There's like 30 feet of sand and then a 3 foot drop to the shoreline. The upside is that i WAS able to bodysurf a few waves this weekend. and on a beach where "big waves" are under 3 foot, that's quite something. never mind the shorepound and mouthful of mud. *HA* Nonreviewed movies i acquired these last 5 weeks: "Head" by The Monkees - glorious insanity with a strong anti-war message. decent Monkees music. "Help!" by The Beatles - Ringo's new ring may get him sacrificed to Goddess! like a bond flick. "Timothy Leary's Last Trip" - a documentary on Ken Kesey and the Merry Pranksters getting together and fixing up FURTHUR! the bus for a road trip taking Timothy up to Wavy Gravy's commune for one last Tryp. Leary died shortly after. "Wonderwall" - uh...music by George Harrison. a hermit college professor discovers that the wall which separates his apt from the glamour model's next door has some places you can peep through. i didn't know it was going to be about that!! believe me!! very 60s chic. cool. "Waking Life" - interesting animated film about the after-death experience of a young man featuring lots of random conversations about "meaning" and "dreams" and whatnot. by same guy did "Slacker" 7-02-06 YET ANOTHER GLORIOUS MILESTONE IN DARVSTORY!! One day this past week, i went up to the register to get some money paid out to buy some local fruit, and the cashier is ragging on this lady to not set her food on the counter before she's ready to buy. so, i look up at the customer who's getting this mini-tonguelashing and who do i find myself locking eyes with? Maureen McCormick (probably known better to most readers for her immortal role as Marcia Brady in the Brady Bunch.) Now, i'm a HUGE fan from way back. and having known that Mo frequents Maui (o, duh, that's a no-brainer: OF COURSE Marcia goes to Maui; think about it,)there had always been a hope in the back of my mind that she would pass through. of course, the dream, which goes back before i ever lived on the island, was that i was going to be Marcia's produce man and say hello regularly. naturally, being the only natural foods store on the west coast, i have plenty of neo-Marcias for who i am very delighted to be their produce man. Mo is of course a different matter and really with few peers. in the course of my work, i naturally find myself helping celebrities and don't even know it. i spent several minutes with Whoopi Goldberg and didn't know it was her until she had left the store (we have very strict policies about not hassling celebs in any way.)of course, she had a bandana on her head and sunglasses on. Mo however was au naturale and i am still somewhat amazed that the dundering blitherhead cashier, who is usually quite astute at eyeing delectibles, had NO CLUE and was actually razzing her a little bit. Anyway, when our eyes met, i automatically knew it was her. since i was managerially busy and the line was pumping, and i can't very well abjectly throw myself at her feet right in the grocery line there, i simply said, "it's good to see you." and she responded, reflexively i thought, "it's good to see you too." and she saw i recognized her and maybe even gulped a little bit. man, i bet she's has been MOBBED like you wouldn't believe. i went about my business trying to find that $200, very pleased about that one eternal moment. and as she left i gave one of my standard farewells, "go have some fun out there now." over her shoulder as she headed for the front door, she said, "you go have some fun too." and cashiermeister HAD to say, "naw, we don't let him out of here." 6-26-06 HAD TO briefly mention another interesting synchronicity: the same day i received "Luminous Dimensions," the video just reviewed on my reviews page (and probably the most beautiful video i own,) i also received, "Salo: The 120 Days of Sodom," an italian movie somewhat based on the novel of the same name by the Marquis De Sade, which is a very disturbing movie that ranks with "Caligula" or "Satyricon" for being controversial, thought- provoking and rather lewd. Once again the old yin-yang effect, but then that's what i'm all about i guess... 6-28-06 My new books now are: Jehovah Unmasked! subtitle: The True Identity of the Bible-God Revealed Nathaniel J. Merritt NathanielMerritt.com, 2005 Click For JehovahUnmasked.com and Suns Of God subtitle: Krishna, Buddha and Christ Unveiled Acharya S Kempton, Illinois: Adventures Unlimited Press, 2004 click for Adventures Unlimited.com BOTH TITLES ARE QUITE PROVOCATIVE AND ERUDITE works which are part of a growing wave of awareness of our species' need to reexamine our ancient beliefs in light of what we now know about the physical reality, our actual situation in it and the finer points of the actual HISTORIES of our religiomystical systems. Merritt's work, Jehovah Unmasked, is a searing, relentless, near-legalistic indictment of the parts of the bible that tend to be ignored or denied because they reveal some really bad news. In other words, he holds the ignoble parts of the bible right up under your face and using logic prevents you from side- stepping it other than to just go into denial. Just fascinating that way. I'm not going to discuss his primary thesis here other than to say that he supports it using scripture quite effectively. So, this could be considered "ammo" for anybody looking to be able to argue scripturally with a believer in order to back them into a corner where they have to admit that something is wrong. For me as a shaman who feels definite sympathy with the tradition of the Christos and its attendant Gnosis, this provided me with a new opportunity to really appreciate the distinction between the OT & NT paradigms, and what has been disturbing me the whole time about it. I actually feel more at ease at appreciating the Jesus Legend and the Christ mystery it refers to than i have in a long long time. this book puts me and jesus on the same team while also causing me to reflect on my relationship with superior beings that i had mainly considered to be beneficial, even while maintaining alternative beliefs in my head that they might be beneficial or adverse according to human usage or external use, if you get my meaning. The second book, Sons Of God by Acharya S, i have not really begun yet but am looking forward to it. Just thumbing through it, i find it well-written and extremely well-researched with extensive attributions at the end of each chapter. What attracted me to it is its thesis that the Christ/Buddha/Krishna figure (as we all know) is found many many times throughout the the history of the world, but furthermore (what we might not have known) is an astrotheological anthropomorphization of our Sun. I know it sucks that those are big words but hey it's my column. I've been very interested in astrotheology lately, since i think we gain incredible value by analyzing myths and legends in its light. i truly believe that the truth was put before us simply as the stars, the sun and moon, planetary nature and our own behavior and inner experience. further, numerous ancient cultures thought so too and encoded important scientific info, like astronomical knowledge, INTO myths. More on this later. BY THE WAY, the big deal about December 21, 2012 is this: at that solstice, the Sun is going to ECLIPSE the Galactic Center. it does this roughly every 6,450 years i believe, ie: every quarter of an equinoctial precession. so, on the fall equinox 6,450 years previous to 12-21-2012 the Sun eclipsed the Galactic Center. one should keep in mind that in the past many prognostications which proved to be errant have built up around dates that have simple astronomical events. It IS interesting, however, to reflect that on that occasion the Sun will be directly between us and the Galactic Center. and WHY has nobody named it yet? I propose we name it GALAXIA. GAIA>HELIOS>GALAXIA TERRA>SOL>?? ADDENDUM: 7-02-06 of course, the galactic center HAS been given names by various cultures with advanced astronomy. 6-24-06 LE now returning to Reno....good luck, els... I had an amazing experience last weekend: I've been going more in-depth with Huna, which is basically Hawaiian shamanism, with naturally a keen interest regarding chants. My collection is sizable now and thru internet searches i've found great sources that i will describe later. right now, i'm telling you this great experience. I've developed a regime of doing some formal spiritual practice on Sunday midday outside. Of course, every day i am doing something, even if it is just headphone meditations or mandala gazing. Well, last Sunday, i went to my usual site of performance, a geologically interesting area in the Kamaole Beach of Maui, and began my work: after opening the work with a script loosely based on typical qabalistic banishing and calling, only in Hawaiian language using the appropriate deity pantheon, i then set quietly listening to the gently breaking waves close by. this beach rarely has larger than two foot waves and can be very "flat," almost lake-like. after listening with my body, allowing my body to sympathetically resonate with the ocean vibrations, i then was able to identify which area of my body was most resonant and find the approximated frequency in the audible range that i could use as the basic tone for my chant. this is actually quite easy, especially if one hums a bit to get synched in with the ocean. in Qabala, the Hebrew letter, "M," has the symbolic attribution of "water;" so humming an "M" is actually pretty accurate. so i found this tone and began to intone the sacred Hawaiian name, "IO," for SUPREME ULTIMATE, "who is with AND without form, who is Eternal Perfection." "IO" is rather the Hawaiian "OM" and it should be obvious that the mantric effect is quite similar. i like IO because where M is more water, I is more Light. anyway, i ramble into sacrophonetics, let's move on.... so, i'm intoning IO. this means i'm not chanting it over & over quickly, but allowing one per breath. i allow my breathing to find the rhythm of the slowly rolling waves and allow my breath to slowly come out. i can't say for certain, but i'm sure one IO lasted at least ten to fifteen seconds. after intoning IO for what was probably less than 2 minutes, a bird landed in the tree right next to me and began to sing along with me, its voice playing off my intonation by running up and down the harmonic scale created by my basic tone! within another 5 minutes, other birds had gathered! i had 3 or 4 birds up there each with their own counterpoint. occasionally, one of the birds would stop sing and make a sound that sounded like hilarious laughter, then it would rejoin the group. this went on for like 45 minutes! nonstop! i didn't WANT to stop. i was in Paradise. i felt completely connected to my environment, the sky, the waves, the birds, the divinities i had called to my side. it was fantastic! a total ENSTASY -- being completely present and keyed in -- this was with no sacramental assistance, no drugs, no official authority making sure i'm doing it right. just my learning, knowing and doing of it. well yes after 45 minutes i did stop to just be silent and feel it. the birds stopped IMMEDIATELY when i stopped. after a while, a couple took off but 2 remained watching me (perhaps to see if i would do it again) and making quiet clucks. i started up again perhaps 15 minutes later and the birds IMMEDIATELY started singing again. only 2 of them but we went for another 15 minutes or so before i decided to switch to some actual chanting of hawaiian sources. it is experiences like this that remind of wonderful life is and could be for all of us if we just learned how to value our actual condition instead of putting the words inside our cranium above everything else. and it reminds me of all the other experiences i've had, some with witnesses but most without, where it wasn't just birds but waves, clouds, wind and particularly "drafts," candles, cats of course, and other phenomena more synchronistic or just plain unlikely, where it has been evident that one's relationship with nature, other beings and even inanimate objects has mysterious ramifications we seem to be completely unaware of in our normalized conscious state. i am so profoundly lucky to have take an interest in the unconscious and numinous early in life. this is so magnificent! this change of feeling more connected and more transparent simultaneously. how sad that it is so difficult to communicate since so few have any experience in these matters. 6-10-06 LE is back in touch with me. we've been having some good internet conversations. too bad she couldn't just say "to hell with it, let's get married and i'm moving out there." but it is good to know that she is okay. i worried so much about her being in Reno. but everybody has to be who they have to be, right? i've been working on my Hawaiian spiritual studies. Huna and so forth. things are coming along. chanting on midday Sundays is one of the moments of the week i look forward to, although i'm sure the people by must think i'm nutty. fuckin Americans. they just suck. i've been returning to the idea, lately, that our invasion of Iraq was EXACTLY the kind of move the terrorists hoped to extract by 911. we are so used to shoving the rest of the world around that something like 911 was bound to push us over the top into something disgraceful. which it did. thanks to our naive, topsy-turvy, Mad Magazine federal administration. Iraq PROVES that we really DO suck. bad. no wonder the world hates us. but i enjoy it immensely. because back in those post-911 days, when it was called UNAMERICAN to be against violent invasion and nation building, i knew that we would end up hip deep in BULLSHIT. and those people who were ALL FOR the invasion of Iraq and now think it was a mistake should be giving THEMSELVES low marks along with the President. jerks. 6-2-06 I just had to share this latest rip wit ya! A friend wrote to me the other day: "...im happy for you - being out of s.c. let me tell you- that place is getting worse. there's something going on there that is hard to put into words - so i call it santa cruz disease. im sure you know what im talking about...." SANTA CRUZ DISEASE!! :)) that's RICH!! my work on learning Huna & Hawaiian chanting continues. my voracious appetite for CDs, DVDs, and books, likewise. more on this later. beautiful sunset tonight. it's aloha friday and i've the weekend to celebrate!! 5-28-06 More exhausting antics, ending up with a bro in the hospital, but what can one do?? he just didn't have the stamina. sorry, sorry.... I've completely renewed interest in sacred geometry. The recent acquisition of "Gaiastar Codex," has completely energized me. I also have been recodifying my Hawaiian mantric base into a specific locale, making the working easier and more coherent. Just received Ervin Lazlo's new text, "Science and the Reenchantment of the Cosmos," which i am thoroughly enjoying (albeit i am one of the already converted, so of course i do...) did you know there are FAR MORE cells in the average human body than stars in the Milky Way galaxy? or that the genome is NOT fully insulated from the phenome? or that random mutation COULDN'T POSSIBLY that means EXTREMELY UNLIKELY that it could have produced the highly COHERENT lifeforms we see now in the amount of time we deduce the Universe to have been around (post Big Bang, natch.) or that superluminal information transfer occurs at twenty thousand times the speed of light. these are all direct inferences from modern science circa 2006. in other words, EVERYTHING IS CONNECTED. ENTANGLED. this means NOTHING IS DONE IN SECRET. *hrumph* anyway, these recent meditations have been most profound and similar to low dose psychedelic trips. looks like i'm getting somewhere. these cutting edge yantra/mandala techs are probably the recent modulation that is upgrading the results. between Gaiastar and LightSOURCE DVD, i have a good year's worth of study ahead. i do so love this metaphysical work. it's hard to understand how other people get along without it... life in Maui has set a pattern here nearyly 3 years out. a pattern that has been the "me" since infancy. i needed to get away from that horrible Santa Cruz to see it more clearly though. it is good to know what is "me" and what is "not me." it's tough to realize that i'm "off-wave" to most other people, but i just have to be higher frequency, can't help it. chronic pain aside, i really like me and wouldn't be someone else. not even brad pitt. 5-14-06 Got a Homedic brand Shiatsu seat for DarvLab. so now i'm getting sweet backrubs. man it had been YEARS since i received intentional therapeutic touch. i think the last time was in 2003 when Shaw gave me a 20 minute neck massage which i showed him how to do. now i got these robot knuckles, i'm set! :) ALSO, Friday on my way home from work i picked up a copy of the new "King Kong" movie, just on impulse i guess since i'm more attracted to the director Peter Jackson (who did Lord Of The Rings,) than to any Kong movie of the past which i though pretty much all, er, i was going to say sucked but that might be too strong. Well this is a blest fine popcorn cruncher of a movie. i like the dimensions of the interaction of the characters. they had depth. i cared about even the bit part people. and the love relationship between Kong and Anne Darrow was fabulous. i can relate to Kong. he's lonely and people fear him, either running away or attacking. well, i don't have his anger management problems, but i've been domesticated. throughout the movie, i was thinking about what subtext there was here. what is the relationship between the Ape deity, like the Egyptian hydro- encephalus Ape or even the Vedic monkey-god, Hanuman, and the White Goddess. there was also the conflict betweeen the human world and Nature (which isn't really a conflict because Nature doesn't lose.) the stark contrast between the Beauty of Nature and the Magnificence of Urban Areas. the appreciation that Nature itself has of Beauty, and, how often we forget, the ability of many animals beyond Sapiens to experience intense feelings of bondedness and affinity which might as well be called Love. and of course, the Plight of a lost humanity as we wrench the soul of Nature from the Biosphere to make a fast buck. and the parallels of slavery and the enslavement of animals which continues. the audience is well pleased to be told that Kong is broken and "a captive." Little do they know....Kong is, well, basically, the WRONG NIGGER TO FUCK WITH. and at the end, the immortal line, "It was Beauty that killed the Beast." which is so hypocritcal for that director to say, since the truth is that is was HIS ambition and greed, coupled with the ignorance of the human world that killed Kong. all they had to do was leave him on his island. like me. 5-08-06 Well, we finally got the new produce cases through the doors today.! What a day! Soon i'll be up to my ears in refrigerated food. kewl. acquired a book i've wanted for some time: "Maya Cosmogenesis 2012" what is December 21, 2012 about? apparently precession of the equinoxes has a full cycle of 25,800 years. from our point of view, this is a galactic year. every 6,450 years the sun eclipses the galactic center on either an equinox or solstice. this coming eclipse occurs on the winter solstice in 2012 and also coincides with the completion of the 25,800 year cycle. the last eclipse was the fall equinox 4438bce. this is around the time of transition from agrarian partnership societies with earth-based goddess religions to the industrial patriarchal societies with solar-based male deity religions. i know i'm oversimplifying a bit, but this IS a blog. anyway, the idea i suppose is this alignment of earth-sun-galacticenter is imagined to possibly be a transfer of some sort of morphogenetic information which triggers the next era of sapient social ordering. we can only hope that it will be a transition to a technical stewardship social order with galacticenter-based holoarchic panpsychism or something of the sort. it may be asking too much. there is no way to be separate from the MEST Continuum. it is a great big MEST and we but tiny refractals of it. yet holoarchs by their nature embody the whole in principle. we ARE it. I AM it. this is the secret those around me don't know. appears to be a sapiens, but infinite within. appears to be performing outside, still & smooth inside. innerspace is much vaster than outer space. the distances between atomic nuclei are far vaster, in proportion, than the distances between galaxies. we are mostly space. phantoms. yet, also IT. as the Continuum pervades all that is, so IT does pervade the Continuum. and indeed they are One. as we are One, and i am it and therefore One. 4-29-06 i seem to be developing a sacred geometry motif now. i recently purchased a Flower Of Life medallion, which i've worn nearly every day since it arrived. interestingly, my acquisition of this medallion occasioned a near-total drop off in my desire for alcohol of any kind. for most of my life, i've had these experiences where i go into aversion for whatever particular ingestibles i've been indulging in. i even had an extended aversion to FOOD of all things. fortunately, this better life in Maui has cleared that up! i don't know if i've mentioned it, but i've gained about 25 pounds in the near 3 years i've been here. there is an up side to this fact: since i'm around 16 percent heavier, i'm in a different weight class so bullies have to judge me a little differently. nothing easier than pounding on someone under 140 pounds. trust me on this... also acquired the Gaia Star Mandalas book this week and was so impressed i am considering obtaining the Codex now. this are high resolution photos of natural objects like stones and gems, feathers, water, flowers, shells, etc., from which sections are taken into a cyberenvironment where the computer can rearrange them into geometric patterns, mandalas. as you may know, i'm a lover of Mandala and Yantra, so to find some which are making use of the natural beauty of the earth's colors is fantastic! and my god the intricacy here surpasses Alex Grey or Venosa, i swear! furthermore, the combination of geometrics with natural color is intensely affecting! i was immersed in a healing trance in the first ten pages! *whoa* next step is to take GaiaStar into the lightSOURCE dvd concept. in my review section, i've indicated my sense of a growing "living earth" motif in the new music i'm finding. myself personally seem to be going sacrogeometrical. hopefully a convergence up ahead. i see Patrick Bernard's "Chakra Celebration" is now available. i'm basically waiting until May when the new Orbit "Cellcloud" is due. get 'em both at once methinks. i've felt somewhat exhausted this past week. my produce dep't had the double whammy of bad weather conditions both on islands & mainland, plus the seasonal business slowdown which doesn't recur at the same calendar day every year but seems to happen within a window of time that might range 6 weeks i'm thinkin'. so you get caught flatfooted with too much food. PLUS, the new cases and cooler are coming so i have to be burning down at the same time (also, of course, the next few weeks will be extremely busy with unusual tasks.) to top it all off, the @#$% guy in the kitchen doesn't "get" the umpteen times i've told him that certain coffees make a bro jittery & liverish. so he poisoned me with some tannins this week and i was feeling pissy for a couple of days. in the old days, before i realized that some coffees effect me negatively, i would have been verbally spewing, but i'm trying in my old age to realize that i, we all, have this electrochemical aspect that can get funky if the wrong materials are added. those were rough days anyway. amazing how one cup of high tannin content liquid can ream a body. mine at least. yes, i probably drink 2-3 cups of coffee a day; it definitely enhances my performance at work or art. this is way down from my 12-15 cups a day when i was a mortician, so i think i'm doing pretty good :)) lastly, this very attractive woman at work, she must be late 20s, asked me if i knew anybody that needed a housemate coz she's breaking up with her boyfriend and wants to live in my apt complex because it is midway between her two jobs. seeing how i live in a 2 bedroom apt with a beautiful ocean view for $1100/mo & have been single for nearly 11 years, you KNOW what went through my mind right then. *sigh* i told her that i'm a loner, a rebel, and don't know anybody. then she suggested to my pirate friend at work who is mid20s that they should move in together, although he is still living with his ex and her best friend, but it IS here in the apt complex. i told her some about my interests in exploring the unconscious and my angelic work. she became very energized and interested about all this. well, bottom line, my pirate friend is very interested in her and i'm only 20 years older than her. most people have a problem with this age difference (although it is hard for me to validate ageism anymore than i could racism, sexism or sexualorientationism.) and i have these extreme esoteric eccentricities in aesthetics, taste and preference....it is quite pleasing to meet someone showing a strong interest in things divine, the first one i've met here. which is to say, i've met lots of people who are "of" a religion, or believe in spirit or deity, but this young woman is the first person i've met who shows an ENTHUSIASM about first-hand spiritual EXPERIENCE. well, anyway, that's the big story. look where a bro's mind goes just by asking him if he knows anybody who needs a housemate :)) 4-23-06 JUST DISCOVERED "LIGHTSOURCE" DVD !!! It's been over a year since AV3X caught my attention, so it is quite da kine to find the next jump forward. (I did like "The Light Body" by John Banks & JJ Hurtak, but wished that it had had a purely instrumental track because all the psychobabble was exhausting & limited Vision to that particular thought wave; besides, Banks is quite narrative, a visual storyteller, which is nice but the more abstract mind videos have more levels of curiosity, so to speak.) lightSOURCE DVD i just discovered today, so i've ordered up naturally & presenting you with a link to the Java applet & official website (tho i'm getting mine through Amazon with free shipping.) it is 13 of the most salutary geometric mandalas of the world morphing through their patterns via computer imagery, all of it set to classic Monroe Institute hemisynch brainwave compositions in Surround Sound 5.1. i just ordered it today, but the applet at the link looks promising (it can take a while to load and may very well not if you don't have Java already installed:) Animated Golden Ratio Spirals 4-16-06 BELIEVE ME, I SIMPLY LOSE TRACK of the time & am aghast, in stunned disbelief, that nearly six weeks slipped by since my last blogizzle. I console myself somewhat by remembering that i was quite active on the reviews page, really on a bit of a roll, for a good long stretch there....anyway, it is seven in the morning on Easter & i thot this would be a good remembrance. i can feel a "ramble" coming on, so please bear with me. One of my turns.... "the days run away like wild horses over the hills," as charles bukowski was fond of saying. working hard, the store is definitely in a different phase now. good earnings coming in, but always running at least one short on the staff; it would seem. being an island, we're sort of at the mercy of whoever applies, which can sometimes be a mere trickle of apps, even with ads in the paper. i had a good scare with a back injury. the worst injuries are when you "hear that little 'click'" and suddenly a wave of pain racks your hinge. took me 10 days to shake it off and there is still a little twinge back there. getting old. feeling more vibrant than i did ten years ago, tho. the craniocervical pain still a minor obsession. i somehow lost my desire for alcohol all of a sudden. i don't know how stuff like this happens to me, but it is not the first time and with other stuff too. i had 2 beers socially friday night and had a headache in my sleep. this sort of dovetails with my acquisition of a "Flower Of Life" pendant, which is of good size, silver naturally as the gold would have been $250, and actually reflects the ideas of holarchy, interconnectedness and multi- dimensionality that i hold dear. i have been wearing a quite nice yin-yang mandorla that my mother gave me for some time now and still wear the pentacle a couple of times a week. the "Flower Of Life" incorporates both of those principles. the yinyang is clearly traceable on it and although it is based on hexagonal symmetry, at one level of interpretation it does have the platonic solids. i've yet to see exactly how the golden section is in it (because that is the cool thing of the five-pointed star, which directly relates the 5 star to DNA, which not only spirals on the golden ratio, but is a ten-pointed star when seen in lateral cross- section.)ie: the ratios of the golden section are present in the ratioes of the various lengths of line which make up the star. it is interesting that my life, during the course of any given day, careens between moments of intense physical pains deep in obsession with a problem that has been on-going for decades, and moments of what i can only describe as intense bliss when i am aware of the Oneness. it would seem that the enforced quietness of my present living condition has made me much more sensitive and more able to become still quickly....in each day there are these periods when the little "me" disappears and we are the continuum. of course, i have luckily placed the body in the hawaiian paradise, which makes the remembering just a beach tryp away. at sunrise, the gazillion birds who live here perform an amazing chorale genius. the waves at my beach are so minimal as to make it seem one is at a lake. or nearly so. a large lake. these smaller waves create a wonderful meditation. and i collect ocean recordings. i can differentiate. having finished Astrotheology & Shamanism, i have returned to pondering my nondual pursuits. "A Duet Of One," mentioned below, great commentary. and still quite amazed by "Sri Aurobindo, or The Adventure Of Consciousness" by Satprem, which always reveals deeper insight to me. endless music throughout. i will be posting more reviews soon. yet another william orbit, and also a new patrick bernard, on the horizon. 3-4-06 ASTROTHEOLOGY AND SHAMANISM: Unveiling the Law of Dualiy in Christianity and Other Religions + Jan Irvin & Andrew Rutajit + San Diego: The Book Tree, 2006 I CONSIDER THIS TEXT DE RIGEUR FOR ANYONE seriously paying attention to the spiritual aspects of the paradigm shift. This book carefully, entertainingly and concisely lays out WHY the way we did things for the first million years is more on the mark than the last two thousand. I've experienced several fantastic brain bombs from this book including the following realization: RELIGION, n. Sapiens' foremost defense mechanism AGAINST spiritual experience. This book makes it all so clear: the NATURAL clues to who we are and what life is about are to be found in celestial objects, our planet, all life forms and particularly plants. Only now can the story be told that ingestion of plant-based sacraments is the CORE of shamanism, and therefore at the heart and mainstream of planetary spiritual experience, but also that the deadly Pharmacratic Inquisition has been oppressing and murdering people throughout our history to prevent the truth from undermining their control systems. Referencing nearly all of the most important works on these subjects Irvin & Rutajit make a powerful and i think airtight case about the actual origins of what we call "Christianity," how entheogenic use is inherent to these origins, and how the coming paradigm shift is going to blow this wide open. This text is also a brilliant affirmation of John Allegro's work, not only his involvement in the release of the Dead Sea Scrolls, but also the absolute squashing of the ideas that he presents in the genius level book, "The Sacred Mushroom and the Cross," which even the academic psychedelic/entheogenic community bashed in what i've come to realize is their very stupid, overly intellectual way. Reading this book has made this one of the greatest weeks i've had in recent memory! NOW i remember what i'm fighting for! 2-21-06 "And the fun just goes on & on & on & it never ends. It never ends." - Michael Bish WE GET THE NEW PRODUCE RACKS THE WEEK AFTER Easter which is a stoker. With the new housing that is being built on either side of and behind my apt complex, this neighborhood will soon be jumping and business should soar. So my professional life is solid. I asked a woman to dinner recently. She said, "I'll have to think about THAT." Well, I never got back to her on that....Here i am, 47 years old, several audiences with Divine not to mention all the Aethyric travelling, University, the library of books read, deep sustained meditation, etc, ad nauseam, and STILL the whole male/female thing is not understandable. How can one person be having soaring feelings of Love, Light streaming from their heart, and the other person is unaware, not experiencing it, and possibly offended? Ah, l'amour Have been reading some interesting texts of late, and that has been a great source of pleasure: "CAUSE, PRINCIPLE AND UNITY And Essays on Magic," by Giordano Bruno (Cambridge Univ Press, 1998.) Burned at the stake by the Inquisition at the Campo de' Fiori in 1600, Bruno is a personal hero of mine. Probably the intellectual forerunner of Quantum Theory, he ran afoul of the religious authorities which such heresies as saying the Universe is infinite, the animating life principle is inherent in all physical mass, that the Earth has a soul, that an Akashic Field exists and that not only does the Earth revolve around the Sun, but the Sun revolves around some other center (this was at a time when Copernicus' heliocentrism was still struggling for general acceptance.)Galileo recanting was probably partially influenced by what happened to Bruno. The book is actually a series of dialogues which expound his general theories. "A DUET OF ONE - The Ashtavakra Gita Dialogue," by Ramesh S. Balsekar. Also known as "The Heart of Awareness," the Ashtavakra Gita is perhaps the text non pareil of Vedic Nondualism and even of Nondualism as such. It is a dialogue between an enlightened master and a student ripe for realization. During the course of the text, the student attains enlightenment. Quite an interesting conversation. Influenced by the teachings of modern Void Master Nisargadatta Maharsi, author Balsekar provides erudite commentary which reveals new aspects even to someone like me who has been reading the text for decades. (Thomas Byrom wrote an elegant poetic translation published by Shamballa entitled "The Heart of Awareness," which i strongly recommend to anyone interested in nondualism. Read it aloud in one sitting and interesting things will happen to one's mindset.) There used to be a link to a page that had the Byrom in its entirety, but it has ceased *sigh*) Lots of new technoambient on the horizon. New releases by William Orbit (1st in 6 years!) Blue Tech, and Solar Fields. cool. last weekend, i had to redesign my disc library because i've picked up so many new one i needed new sections. the odd thing is Patrick Bernhardt got moved out of Angelic to Vocal Artists like Hykes or Goldman in order to accomodate all the Angelic & Healing discs i got last year. a new technoambient wing had to be created to handle all the Shpongle, Hallucinogen, Entheogenic, Blue Tech, Magic Sound Fabric, Zero One, etc. this got thrown together with Higher Intelligence Agency, Art Of Noise, M, and underpinned by Heaven 17 and Thomas Dolby. Back in the early 80s, "Techno" was Devo, Thomas Dolby, Gary Numan, Ultravox, Trees. Kraftwerk was perceived as different from Techno. We're getting old, dude. It's been windy & cloudy, water freezing at 68 degrees. The bulldozers all day every day but Sunday. Pumice dust wafting around. This stuff CAN'T be good to breath. I've got a cough. Whale season has begun. JX tells me the Whalesong buoy is back up, so you can hear the whales off my coast, right here where i live, by getting the audio stream from the buoy at whalesong.net. check it out. time to get ready for work. laters. 1-24-06 A wonderful thing happened today. For the first time in the 2 1/2 years since i've been on Maui, the first time since August 2002 actually, a woman kissed me on the lips. Really just a short peck sort of thing of course, but as we bachelors count our successes, this is surely a monumental milestone of magnificent magnitude! this woman is one of the bartender/waitresses at the sports bar next to my store. we haven't ever had a conversation yet we see each other out behind our respective businesses several times a week. i rarely go into that bar, yet i did once around xmas and again two weeks ago. both times she and i made repeated eye contact, but she was behind the bar and i was in the next room at the pool tables, so we were never less than say 30 feet away from each other. i don't reflect much on things like this so it was quite surprising when i was taking my lunch break at work, arriving at the hot bar to select my luncheon, and there she was. i greeted her and she kissed me. the essence of successful bachelorhood is to have some kind of contact with women and for her to kiss you well it is a home run so to speak. can't get much better than that. 12-29-05 ALWAYS AMAZED AT THE AMOUNT OF TIME that passes between these posts when i'm on-line almost every day! WHOA!! Was it REALLY 17 days from post to post? Well, it WAS the bizzy season after all, what with the snowbirds returning to winter in maui (er, snowbirds=richmainlanders) and yule and my b'day and xmas and buddha's b'day and kwanzaa and chanukah and now new years. *whew!* and my need to be in depth most of the time. so, right, on the button, i've been grinding through massive quantites of work etc and so forth, completely mad, daft, irrecusable. I have completed my second cd of brainwave tones which are orientated to send the listener to a deep sleep pulse rate which is harmonic to the samadhi tone. this one will require research! this is the second disc i've created in this regard. the first one was specific window frequencies from various lists i've found on the web and from brainwave research materials. as i create these recordings, i am wondering even more intensely than ever if vibratory states are intrinsic to mind states and further can be state specific, induce specific states uniformly. scoffers may soon have to accept the evidence. my new project is tones with matrices that should induce direct white light experience in entheogenic states. you might say that is my vision: a disc that immediately downloads the Light to perceptible levels. i think it can be done. it might end up being intense and scary, but that's how it always is until one lets go.... interesting things burbling up in the Darvlab music studio. my shift from vocal pop tunes to electronic and ambient work is slowly coming along as i learn the medium better. how i miss the old days when i could play an electric guitar and sing in the privacy of my home :( ah well. silence IS golden. i've learned a lot from these quiet years. i am much more sensitive than i was. my tactile sensation in particular is elevated. still can't smell too well. but as i have learned, sometimes the inability to smell is a blessing in disguise. i very much enjoy my dinners! lately, our organic broccoli is coming loose with leaves. we get to take the leaves home and, believe me, they taste better than kales, chards, beet greens or other hardy leaves. they taste better than broccoli. and SO vibrant! glowing with bioenergy! i eat like a king! speaking of which, i just found this highly absorbable Magnesium which aids sleep! it's called Natural Calm Natural Calm website if you take magnesium before sleep to sleep better or prevent leg cramps, let me tell you THIS stuff will make you think you never knew what magnesium actually felt like. i have NEVER experienced such a natural deep relaxatin from magnesium. i am STOKED and just want to let you know! 12-12-05 I ALWAYS SEEM TO BE WRITING this blogs early in the morning now. This past night, the waxing moon started in through my window, with the curtains drawn even, around 2am. i finally got up around 320am. Just yesterday morning, i was congratulating myself for sleeping in to 615am. after having spent most of my adult life getting only a few hours of sleep a night, and now finding 6hrs luxorious, i always feel victorious if i actually get 8 hours of sleep. must have been the pints of amber & stout while i played my first games of pool at the sports bar just 5mins walk from here. i don't actually frequent bars, so yes it took me 2&1/2 years to get to one of the pool tables at the bar next door :)) and i don't usually deal in pints. so i was sacked out by 10pm & woke up triumphant! anyway, i've posted the "BEST OF 2005" list on the reviews page. i'll end up looking at it & fiddling with it endlessly, probably... doing some chanting by the sea. this time of year, it is pretty windy so it is less likely that i'll be overheard. life is relatively simple and calm now. music, reading, snorkelling, tv, and internet. yesterday, i walked to the local market 2 miles away & back. on the walk, i pass by a multitude of well-sculpted flora, human-made mini- waterfalls, a tea garden with the koi goldfish in a pond with a small japanese-style bridge, a cove with surfing going on and a statue of a whale. it was quite sunny, so the flowers were radiant and as i walked by them i could feel the light bouncing off of them. it was near- ecstatic, i felt elevated into a sublime consciousness and spent that entire hike in a headspace of divinity. quite amazing. 12-04-05 SO I FINALLY got a taste of the "Vog," which is the volcanic fog that occasionally drifts over to Maui from the Big Island of Hawai'i. the slight sulfuric sting in the back of my throat i originally thought might be a new bout of influenza or a cold. i wondered how i was able to catch it from the fan blowing the warm Mauian air into the room. my neighbor was having an extended coughing fit the next morning. i could hear her through her open window. i wondered how on earth it could transmit through her window around the corner through mine? then i heard the Vog was around. when i had looked up the slopes of Haleakala that first morning, the striated brown clouds hovering over the southern ridge which wends its way down to Pu'u Olai i mistook for "cane burn," which is when they burn up the stalks of the sugar cane mid-island. cane burn is quite common and doesn't seem to have much effect on me, although it certainly has profound allergic effects on some people. my allergic responses must be to the blossoming of certain of the gazillion different plants around here, which particular specie it is beyond me. I received a dozen new Visionary discs just prior to Thxgvng. it all to a while to savor and digest, but i am now beginning to post reviews. check it out. I rarely discuss this either in my real life or on this site, but i am continually preoccupied with the Light and its rarefactions. it seems my Life is filled with these incredibly intense micro-moments, where all is revealed in its essential radiance. it is odd living this Life of such incredibly intense Pain - - physical and existential - - yet out it is also completely pervaded by fleeting moments of bliss and ecstasy. is everybody's life like this? i think not. for i remember a time in my life when it was all Pain, and there was NO bliss or flashes of brilliance. and it comes to me that there must be many people who have little of either Pain or Pleasure, just rather rigidified with appropriate limits in their mind. is this vibrational awareness a dual blessing and curse? when one plumbs the depths of Agony, then reciprocally ascends the heights of Ecstasy, who shall say whether it be but sublime? full of goodness and badness as the Fool stupified gazes slack-jawed into the fullness of the Abyss. it has been said that as it becomes easier to Awaken, it also becomes easier to remain Asleep; as high as one can go, that is as low as one can go also. perhaps if that is the case, one should disciple to go all the way.... 11-20-05 Today is Sunday. i have to work today because the store is closed on Thxgvng (well, mostly closed.) these next 4 shifts, Sun-Wed, are the official "Produce Grocer's Hell Week." everybody should take a moment to be thankful for those unsung heroes of the produce aisle, who make those tons of food appear so y'all can stuff yerselves & then most likely go home alone, too exhausted on Thxgvng to actually celebrate. I, myself, am VERY thankful for the recent changes in my life which have brought me to this sleepy beach town in Maui and away from that hideous Santa Cruz, California, what with its creeping fascism & extraordinarily disingenuous racist-sexist crossfire. Here the ocean is warm, you enter it with no shock whatsoever from the air temperature differential. The only time you could say that about Santa Cruz was during El Nino. Like the ocean, your encounters with people, your fellow citizens, here in Maui are without shock, ranging from very mellow to courteous. Well, you can't say that about Santa Cruz, where everybody is scowling so hard it is like they have baseball mitts for faces. OH! and the women? what a difference! in Santa Cruz they have "Feminism," which is actually thinly-disguised misandry; in Maui they have "Tantra," which is more of an exaltation of the natural female powers. I am SO thankful to not have man-hating politically-charged spew shoved in my face week in and week out. I keep wanting to find a better named for my penthouse than "Darvadu." maybe "Xanadarv" ? In any event, am having a relatively decent time with lots of new music (the new MAKYO due any day now!) Health is good. Hope y'all are well. BE KIND TO EACH OTHER 11-15-05 Where does the time go? I had not realized that it had been WEEKS since i posted here! *Whew!* And what some weeks they have been!! I've installed a new delivery system for my organic produce at the store. it's a massive monday morning delivery that starts the week in a big load way....but the food is shrink- wrapped in hi-tec insulation, so it is pristine on arrival. very cool. and organic too :) My continued use of the healing musics i collected this year seems to be paying off. i'm noticing some long overduce realignments going on and am *hopeful* of imminent resolution. Getting near the end of the year, so i have to start getting my "best of 2005" list together. i've got 2 shipment due to arrive, so i can't really start yet, seeing as how the new Makyo and the new Patrick are on board...i think this year i will create even more categories and perhaps give brief elucidations rather than ranking (but then doesn't "best of" mean some kind of ranking?) and then, of course, i do so much backtracking that leads to interesting places. i may also have to indicate some of the great books i read this year. i list the contenders here: INTELLIGENCE IN NATURE Jeremy Narby Tarcher/Penguin, 2005 ADVANCED CHAKRA HEALING Cyndi Dale Crossing Press, 2005 SCIENCE AND THE AKASHIC FIELD Ervin Laszlo Inner Traditions, 2004 MATRIX OF CREATION Richard Heath Inner Traditions, 2004 ANGELETTES & COSMIC SEX Pusser Falcon Press, 1989 more details on all that later. don't know how the last one escaped me all these years.... what is the symbolic meaning when your mom is visiting and your toilet seat chooses that very time to break? i've been mulling this over and haven't been able to focus it yet.... getting a good snorkel in every weekend now, plus an extended healing meditation. snorkelling itself is pretty magnificent, when you have all that undersea beauty just beneath the surface (rather like trypping.) saw my first sea turtle last weekend. realize now they hide in the caves inside the coral which i'd never notice before really. this full moon in Taurus, which apparently waxes late today early tomorrow (so many conflicting reports) has been pretty crazy. the weekend was fully energized and yesterday at the store was a madhouse. altho today is less complex, the moon power should be cresting. *yow!* 10-24-05 My mother has been visiting this past week! We journeyed the road to Hana and went to Blue Pool, Waimoku Falls and Red Sand Beach. It was a smashing good time! We've also been around south Maui, down to the end of the road at La Perouse Bay, and i was able to enjoy my first snorkeling experience at Ahihi Reserve. many fish and some interesting reef, but it really made me appreciate the beaches near me even more! Went to Cheeseburger In Paradise for my first time. excellent maitai. and out to Iao Valley, which mother wanted to see and she seemed happy with the dude hike they've created there. she was even daring enough to walk past the "don't go here" sign, up the trail for a hundred feet. and we looked at a few houses that are up for sale in the area. while still something of a dream, it may come to pass that i own some land and a house here. prices being what they are, we'll see what we can do.... new books, new CDs, even a new t-shirt and new shorts, as we did a little shopping at the Shops At Wailea. the one sour note: i purchased a double-album CD of Gentle Giant - "Freehand and Interview." it arrived the day my mom got here, so i didn't really get to it for a couple of days. to my shock and surprise, upone first listen, the CD is encoded entirely wrong, although the labelling on the disc looks entirely authentic. the disc begins with some hip-hop group with a female singer covering the song "Killing Me Softly." now the hassle of sending the disc back and being issued a credit. crazy. never seen that one before. Here's a picture of part of the sunset my mother and i saw this evening: Sunset At My Beach 10-13-05 Had a great weekend, having finally made it out to Big Beach and Little Beach out around Pu-u Olai with Joel and Carla, who live here at my apt complex now. So then, having had a terrific weekend, great angel day with all the healing music and then to the beach and the CD store in Wailuku where i picked up some fabulous old-school technoambient (Omicron, which i think i've owned previously, and an old Waveform compilation, One A.D.) then to Costco, which is a really scary place! How odd then that the work week involved such rudeness from the customers. Does the Universe HAVE to balance out like that? Got a new shipment of Cd's from Source Books last night. the remaining Nasa Space Sound recordings from Voyager that i didn't already own, and yet another Bob Dratch "Swept Clear." these will be reviewed shortly. Oh, and here's something i've been meaning to add as a bit of a joke: how bad was Santa Cruz? well, my mother, in her sixties, who is loathe to use profanity (i've probably heard her swear maybe 5 times in my life and mildly at that,) for the last 10 years i worked at my final employ in Santa Cruz, would not call my place of business by its name, but only refer to them as "Those Stinkers." HA! 9-28-05 Flew over to Honolulu for the Table Top Trade Show in Waikiki. Basically, as you enter they give you a canvas tote bag and as you walk down the aisles of vendors with display tables, the reps try to get their goods into your bag. The bag gets heavy quickly. We're talking jars of food, squeeze bottles of various types of condiments or goo, boxes of dry goods, and the bag already comes with a sweat shirt. Saturday nite, me and the Big Guy had some drinks at Duke's, watching the rivers of people flow. I've never seen so many young Japanese women in one place! So beautiful. Sunday morning, we watched the thousands of bicyclists in the Century race take off. and a nice sushi role :) I appreciated where i live in Maui even more when i came back. much calmer. but flying to Honolulu satday morning and coming back sunday afternoon was definitely interesting if frenetic. O, since you're probably wondering, i got candy & chips but i ate that stuff before the flight back. Collagen supplements (i'm becoming very interested in the rejuvenative qualities of hyaluranic acid;) a quart-sized jar of yerba mate tea bags, Spectrum Naturals' Flax/Olive oil & Cod Liver Oil (that was random;) a big bottle of Trinity water; a jar of Maranatha almond butter; a lavender essential oil roll on; some cinnamon ylang ylang massage lotion; a large box of nori seaweed sheets and a wooden sushi roller with it; and various herbal pepper condiments. Kind of like halloween for big people. it was my first trade show so i pretty much just let whoever put stuff in my bag. and i've pretty muched curtailed drinking alcoholic beverages to the sacred monday night sunset watch at Kam 1. Be Kind To Each Other. 9-18-05 I wanted to get that last post finally behind us without waiting too long, so thank goodness it's ALOOOOHA SUNDAY! It's the middle of the night on a saturday nite and i'm up on the web :)) had first im chat with jotw on da msngr wit LE and all dat. since then, i've been through some interesting twists and turns on da innaspatial donchaknow and am still QUITE impressed with the new "Healing Mind System" by the Doctor. i think he's on to something there. possibly the most healing music i've ever collected and, you know me, i'm ALWAYS collecting. i had my entire life in boxes and i was STILL collecting. also: i want to express my deep resonance and admiration of the Vibrational Medicine Cards by Roweena Pattee Kryder. it really does get down to the business of the sacred archetypes, and the accompanying interpretation book is something of a HOLY book in itself. the higher dimensional reality that I'VE seen in deep psychedelia and in my many different shamanic ritual workings is well-described in this Oracle and i would recommend it to ANYONE looking for simple basic principles of CONSCIOUSNESS to serve as a helpmeet to Life. DO check it out: Amazon listing for Vibrational Medicine Cards Kryder's Website the swell is in! i might go catch some waves in the am very mellow night in maui tonight, slow season, quiet no car horns no police cars. very quiet. heck, i KNOW somebody is out there partying....not around here tho... kinda scary how quiet it is without the usual avalanche of tourists. ;) i did want to address right here, my constant harping on Santa Cruz, and i'm sure i must sound like a broken record AT TIMES, but i will continue to rant and address MY opinions concerning my deep PISSED-OFFED-NESS regarding the general hypocritical milieu of said OVERLY PRIVILEGED community (which charm school did nothing for but paint a grainy masque) to the relatively small but EXTREMELY POWERFUL cross-section of people who bother to read the blog of the VSA Interface *ahem* so there you have it. Santa Cruz sucks. Splut Zut! ;P` Maui NO KA OI and don't you for-get: it! ^^^ALOHA^^^ .... ....*hmmm, i shoulda tot a dis years ago*.... 9-14-05 Well, I finally made it here: this day marks the end of my tenth year of, well, how does one say this?, not getting any. TEN LOOOONG YEARS I�d call it �celibacy,� except that usually means that one has �abstained� from coition and/or marriage, while my condition was more enforced by a hostile social climate. Now, while true that I have been living in a more accepting locality for two year, I also have been healing and experiencing this new way, easing into it, so to speak. I must say that I am somewhat disappointed in the difference between what I imagined the intergender relationship might be like in Maui and what it currently appears to be to me. While still a HUGE improvement from where I used to live, I guess I am still in America and can�t expect too much....which I can say I did understand when I moved here. I was deliberately moving as far as I could from America without actually LEAVING America. Yes, I do like the infrastructure, the availability of medical help if necessary, the good food and water, the spectacular natural beauty of the places I�ve lived. I�m not all that enthusiastic about the society, but then I�ve never lived in another society so I can�t really compare or judge it. But I never felt welcome. That�s why I like it here in Maui. If not exactly �welcome,� I certainly don�t experience the general level of Threat one encounters in California, the two places I lived at least: Hermosa Beach and Santa Cruz. No service person at a counter or waiting a table has ever refused to serve me (at least as I was allowed to see,) people aren�t generally rude to me, no nasty encounters or evil looks while in a bar (which is rare for me anyway,) no N-word name calling: for all intents and purposes, it would appear that I�m a regular guy. This experience is new to me. I do seem to be coming down from a protracted state of traumatic stress. I still have emotional reactions which were instilled in me. For example: if I feel attracted to a woman, I feel a deep terror that she may become aware of my feelings and attack me in some way or another. There really isn�t any expectation, emotional at least, of a possible positive response from the woman. I�m so used to my sexuality being considered objectionable that it is very hard for me to imagine that there could even BE a way for me to express my feelings appropriately. Now, when you live up inside that kind of racial bullshit for an extended period of time, it changes you. You learn to behave in ways that will mitigate the onset of attack. Often this means not behaving at all. Slowly, one learns to be helpless, to give up and to watch the others in their sex games, knowing you can�t really participate. Six months after I arrived in Maui, I did experience feelings in my heart for a young woman who came to work as a cashier at my store. From the moment we met, she would touch my arm, the back of my hand, stand close to me, stuff like that. And the scary thing was that the first time she touched me, I felt a very pleasurable shiver. Shortly later in the backroom, she stroked my arm and it was like Love coursed through her arm into mine, and my entire body shot through with a wild shining love, my heart unfurled like some fragrant tropical flower, I was trembling with Love so powerfully I could only imagine my coarse breath was noticeable. And this was not just a cosmic Love, but a personal Love for her, this person who had transformed me with a touch. I couldn�t get her out of my mind for weeks. Every shift we worked together, I tried to have a moment where I could get to know her, where I might reveal myself. Alas, I finally had to accept that she wasn�t particularly interested in me.... Err...where was I? O yes: ten years. I really just thought it would never happen to ME. How shocking to be told you�re not Lovable.WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?? Anyway, I guess at this point, one might be able to say that they are a �confirmed� bachelor.... 9-11-05 I was disturbed to find that my Critter Cleaner cd would not be recognized by ANY of my disc drives So, of course, i had to acquire a new one as the Critter Cleaner disc is an essential library item. In my search, i was pleased to discover that Bob Dratch has at long last developed a new website that has a lot of exciting recent developments posted: Go To Bob Dratch's Site 9-8-05 In the interim, hurricane Katrina has destroyed New Orleans...all the more shocking because it could have been avoided with the proper preparation which our government failed to do. With all the money at its disposal for all this long time, the gov't has no excuse for the lack of category 5 levees to protect that city. Even more shocking is the CRAPPY state and federal response to the catastrophe. The communication between responding organizations was abysmal. WHERE WAS THE PRESIDENT?? why wasn't he showing some leadership right at the beginning instead of sashaying in days later? at the very least, he could have provided focus instead of lurking in the background. Even more shocking than THAT is how so many people are *WONDERING* how such a lack of planning, general incompetence and torpid response could be happening in "America." This more than all the rest of it really makes me furious! But this is how we do it in our society. Even when the answer is staring us straight in the face, we hang a big question mark over it and stroll around *WONDERING* what's up? As far as i'm concerned, blatantly bigoted terms like "Race Card" or "Blame Game" are obviously designed to trivialize IMPORTANT social issues. They really serve no other purpose than to dominate and to marginalize other people. When i hear someone say "o there goes the Race Card," what i hear them saying is that they are very comfortable with their racial privilege and will act to prevent it being pointed out. frankly, these terms "Race Card" and "Blame Game" are socially accepted bigoted statements. i am SO GLAD i am not in Santa Cruz to hear all their fucked up statements about the black people in New Orleans. i love that Mayor of New Orleans. he's one of my new heroes. he should be Time magazine's "Man of the Year." the caption under his picture on the cover should read, "Get Your Asses Down Here!" and this was cool too: a town of 6000 people became the main center for the medical examination of and storage of the dead bodies. CNN had reporters asking various people in the town how they felt about their town becoming a "morgue" for the disaster. a woman at the counter of the general store put it most eloquently: "i'd rather have them here dead than alive, ripping us off and causing problems." now, to me, THAT is TRUE Americana! 8-26-05 Funny how when the produce biz gets slower, it is almost like it gets harder! Had a cough for a coupla month -- quite a few people had it -- hoping it's all over. not the way i planned my summer. but i've been able to do some regular snorkeling now and have been to some of the pretty impressive reefs that are just off the coast of my beaches. lotsa fish. no turtles yet. In the last 3 months, 2 of my coworkers have received beating in the public parks from the local boys. one was sleeping overnight in the bushes, which he had done many times before. he had to be flown to Honolulu for medical treatment of his eye, which he fortunately did not lose. the other fellow has been beaten twice in our largest public park by the ocean, Kalama Park. he's actually one of my closest friends here too. he sports a look one part punk rock, one part pirate. it's actually pretty cool. but it might make him a target. i hung up my punk rock and anti-establishment threads long ago. dumb ass violent reprisals suck. recently, people have said in my presence, "it's too bad that those people feel a need to treat us that way." i usually snap back, "it's happening everywhere not just here! i had my ass beat in Santa Cruz 16 times and that was just the attacks in my ADULT life!" in goes in one ear and out the other, of course, but i say it anyway. a lot of great music recently. check out my reviews section. more reviews on the way. another current stoker : i got my FIRST "thank you" in a cd's liner notes! It's in the new Entheogenic "Dialogue Of The Speakers." I wrote the short short story in the fold-out. now i'm a published author! :)) also saw "Sin City," which must be the most violent movie i've ever seen. i fancied it as a view of Hell ala Alasdair Gray ("Lanark.") to paraphrase something i saw at Rotten Tomatoes, reviewer put it: "you know a movie is extremely violent when you have to use the word 'castration' in the PLURAL when describing it." however, mickey rourke puts in the best performance of his life and elijah wood (Frodo from Lord of the Rings) has a character so creepy that any fear he might be type-cast can be laid to rest. people who like the roughest quentin tarantino movies or ham-fisted detective film noir from the mid20thC will find this mostly black and white film an exotic piece of eye candy, the backdrops entirely CGI animation, giving the film a comic book look more pronounced than any superhero film ever shot. not for the easily morally offended or queasy. errr, time for work. it's the big load today. The Big Load. over a ton of food in one delivery. then the weekend. i'll probably have to take the bus into Kahului. i need clothes, new boots, socks pants, the once a year run. takes forever. i leave here around 8 and get back around 130. just to go to walmart! hang in there baby it's a long row to hoe 7-23-05 What a laughable mess this old world is! am stoked today because i just received my second most expensive book i ever have purchased in the mail yesterday: "Milk N Honey" by Mati Klarwein. i actually acquired it at a very low price. fifty dollars less than what i've seen since i started looking five years ago. kewl. 7-17-05 so it has been just over two years since i arrived in Maui and got situated. this was the point, i told myself, when i would do a serious self-survey to determine what kind of psychic damage sustained from Santa Cruz was not going to adjust to island life. i can see definite improvements in many areas, in terms of feeling safe when out a night, feeling accepted by neighbors, easily meeting people, respect in the workplace so i have no rep of being cranky (as in previous conditions, where a lot of passive aggressive shit was getting pulled on me all the time,) quiet surroundings at home, lots of good stuff. i can still see work to do and will have to decide how. time for a physical exam too. dentist. yeah all that. i was VERY excited today to find that someone in Hawaii has posted George Musser's "The World of Slavery" article published in Scientific American, April 2002, on the web. it is a pdf file, but gives great global estimates for the number of people ENSLAVED on this planet circa 2000AD. it zooms in and out effectively: Global Slavery Stats circa 2000AD Even if you don't have the Adobe Reader to view PDF, you can google "George Musser World Slavery," find the [pdf] The World of Slavery and google will provide you with html copy. I highly recommend viewing this document to help give oneself additional info on what we're up against. 7-10-05 Saw Eden briefly this past week and my heart just opened like flower, what a beautiful, sweet person she is! We had a nice short chat and I was very pleased with the warm vibes. :) I�ve been working sick for weeks and every time I start to feel like I�m getting over it, it sneaks back up on me. I�ve notice that I may be actually MORE prone to respiratory illnesses here in Maui than I was in Santa Cruz perhaps the air is just so warm and humid. Oddly in SC, the air is cold and moldy in town and I had a lot of sinus problems. It has actually been cool for July here, only upper 80s. My computer keeps predicting rain but nothing like it is happening here on the dry side where every day is a near perfect sunny day with beautiful clouds and just mellow. A few winds in late afternoon, but pretty casual. The store has been slamming since the days before Independence Day, so we�ve all been running around scarcely even able to catch a breath. I�ve been having long IM�s with a dear friend of mine who has been having some concerns about the financial future. I care deeply for this person but my options for helping are few. What�s a bro to do? 6-25-05 was really busy in May with friends from the mainland visiting, then really ill in june with the creeping crud. it is difficult to clear the lungs in this humid environment. made a new entry in the reviews section today. i was just able to acquire Abdul Mati Klarwein's classic art book, "Milk N' Honey" for only $150 so i was stoked on that. women have been taking more of an interest in me lately, which is interesting. we'll see where this goes.... i've got all my beach gear now: the snorkel kit, the low beach chair, a canvas parasol i got for free because Quiznos threw it away. a bag of ice and a coupla beers and i'm all set for the beach! i love maui so much! why did i stay in that horrible other place for so long?!? just had a marvelous day at the beach, testing out my new sturdy green canvas parasol! lazing about with my "The Gurdjieff Work" (great book) and drinking Corona and passionfruit/guava juice. noshin a lil banana bread and Heaven 17 "Bigger Than America" on da headphones, bra. sun, sand, snorkelling, the beautiful women, the kids laughing, sandcastles. just a fantastic afternoon! 6-13-05 I've been pretty busy the last month. Actually conceived and executed a NEW CD entitled, "Darvtones" with a brainwave generator, featuring some of my favorite brainwave window frequencies. It's pretty effective. I doubt it has much "commercial potential," but i'm enjoying it nonetheless. I'm already working on a second one based on the chakras and the sephirot of the tree of life. 5-21-05 Time flies past i can't believe it's nearly a month since the last post. i've certainly done quite a bit in that time as i hope you have also. got out to the Hana side of the island and visited numerous waterfalls and beaches. it was great. some close friends from Santa Cruz visited and we rocked. Pic of Me Experiencing Bliss In the Waterfall at Blue Pool I also finally got my entire snorkel kit together. We went diving too it was great. Another pic, me at Iao: Darv Iao Lotus my cd collection habit has become extreme! i rang up over $150 in cd and dvd purchases last month alone. !?! but i've got some great stuff and fairly sated, altho Cheb i Sabbah and Midival Punditz both just released new discs, and Shpongle is soon! more reviews to come. still totally entranced by the new Metheny. makes me smile :) 4-25-05 I've always dreaded 4-25. i don't know why. i was hired by that big santa cruz company i worked so long for on 4-25, but i dreaded that date even before then. i can't remember why. The Moon in Sag appears active today, enjoying a trine with Saturn yet squaring off with Neptune and Mars.Sounds a little confrontational....anyway.... back to work. we'll see what happens. dereckmeister fixed up the vacuum cleaner i rescued. this baby will rip the carpet right off your floor now! it's amazing what people will throw away because their leaving the island! 04-21-05 Getting ready for friends to visit from the mainland. this is going to be cool! a little trip to Hana, go up to the crater, days on the beaches, maybe hike the canyon. lookin' up! i've really been getting into programming my own video art using Milkdrop, which is a free visualization plug-in for Winamp that you can download at Milkdrop UK website i haven't gotten the math parts down yet, but i can manipulate the filters and post-processing almost as easily as i alter synth presets. kewl. made some new internet friendships lately that are quite stimulating. smart people out there! 04-10-05 While things have been going smoothly on this sleepy side of the island -- i've been enjoying tidepool walks, good meditations and my ever-burgeoning music collection (Todd Rundgren's "Liars" disc of 2004 getting a lot of play this week,) i have been feeling an increasing sense of apprehension regarding the impending Depleted Uranium scandal which started to break recently. if this turns out to be true, if we have been using uranium-laden munitions in Afghanistan and Iraq, it is going to be a BUM TRIP!! sometimes i wonder if my country has just gone completely insane or WHAT? also added new listings to the "Conspiracies" section of the Darvlinks. 04-01-05 April Fool's Day! Here's the good one that happened to me today: I was stocking the papaya display when one of the hot young women who regularly shops at the store -- is she israeli or brazilian? -- turned to me and said, "would you go out with me?" surprised, i said, "sure!" and was about to ask here what she had in mind, when she said, "APRIL FOOL!!" to be fair, she thanked me for saying yes and then, oddly i thought, said, "i'll go out with you if you insist, miss." and then walked away.... first time in 14 years that a woman asked me out on a date.... .....you gotta love it, right? ..... 03-26-05 What an amazing full moon on Friday! I felt very full and stable. me and the D brought a ton & half of produce from the barge no prob. received a very interesting e-mail from someone who had read my NDE and found something of value there, which makes me feel good! in the e-mail, there was mentioned a plug-in for Winamp which i then acquired and have been QUITE impressed with it. it reminds me a lot of AV3X and i'm sure i will utilize it under the appropriate conditions eventually. i have Winamp version 5.02 and the "Milkdrop" plug-in works fine with it, but W --my longtime friend who i've spent more time in the wilderness with than anyone else -- couldn't get it to run on 3.0. if you have a Winamp system that supports it i HIGHLY recommend the "Milkdrop" plug-in. sweet. Link To Milkdrop recently acquired the text, "No More Secrets No More Lies -- A Handbook To Starseed Awakening" by Patricia Cori, which was purported to be a channelled text on a level with Ken Carey. now, don't get me wrong, i don't collect a lot of channelling, but i do a times pick up texts that i feel are actually saying something interesting (most channelling is rambling, imho.) Ken Carey's "Starseed The Third Millenium" was very inspirational to me. i found value occasionally in the Ptaah material and, of course, the whole Jane Robert/Seth thing has very lucid moments. Anyway, this new Cori book is 225 pages & the first 66 pages have been mostly rambling. i'm still waiting for the secrets to be rolled out. i remember how "The Celestine Prophecy" was such a big deal and i tried to read it more than once and just couldn't. it was awful writing. i couldn't even find the wisdom skimming it. wtf? for those of you who just want the insights: The Nine Insights anyway, i can't promise you any secrets, but we'll see. 03-02-05 Working like a maniac at the store. We've been so busy that it is difficult to stay well-stocked. i've been trying to maintain as much xanadu-like solitude as can be done with the demands of my profession and the needs of others for attention and companionship. fortunately, i have felt the stirrings of a renewed relationship with my muse and have composed some music in the last month which i feel holds promise for a new outburst of creativity. As is my custom, i have been acquiring new music CDs at a breakneck pace and am a little concerned that i may be spending too much $$. but what is money, but accumulated potential pleasure anyway? Totally blown away to see that this darvinfo page has been visited more times than any one of the music categories areas, with the exception of the brainwave music area which has nearly double that of darvinfo! i love you all too. i only wish that i could afford to webcast and then we could go full circle. Know that my life has taken a definite positive turn! and check reviews from time to timecoz i got a slew of discs in the queue! 02-01-05 New friends, hanging out, more beach time, it has been mostly hot and sunny, but temps in mid to high 80s, so it's bearable. i've been on a jean luc ponty and pat metheny kick the last week and, wouldn't ya know?, Metheny has just released a new one. i must have picked up on the vibe, so i ordered one. got a digitally remastered copy of XTC's "Black Sea," a wonderful early Eighties disc from my new wave days. sounds better than ever! we have new Asian restaurants opening just down the street! two of em! it's gonna be great! also, a new cd store recently opened, "Beach Street Records," so, slowly, we're refurbishing the neighborhood to make my stay here more like home *ha* got my first raise in 8 years! hey! i'm a big shot! *feels good to be appreciated* (literally) i just got an awesome dvd video: "AV3X," which i am about to review in the reviews section. if you are into mind- altering brainwave tech and enjoy the modern computerized fractal video arts, this is an INCREDIBLE dvd! very intense with a strobe light entrainment effect. read more in my reviews. well, my meeting women skills are still not too very good. i'm having an interesting interaction with a woman who i think is a little older than me, a customer at the store. i tried to talk to her today and within 30secs i was in 3 other customer's way and then a guy i somewhat know entered the store and wanted to have a long chat about possible employment. what's up with that? i'll just have to ask her if she'd like to do something outside the store i guess. having enjoyable messaging conversations with my former housemate, a woman who now dances for a living in Reno. it's good to have her back in my life even if she's hundreds and hundreds of miles away. 01-04-05 Where does the time go? Over a month since my last post. didn't seem like it. very busy at store. constantly acquiring new discs and books. i'm very excited about my new book, a compilation of writings titled, "Neurotheology." i've recently collected the "greatest hits" of 10cc as part of a nostalgia factor and am impressed by how much i enjoy looking back on this band that i didn't collect at all during the time the 4 of them were releasing albums together. My Friend West sent me some Beatles' cds. I'd never owned "Rubber Soul" before and was surprised that i really got off on it. also discovered silverfish getting at my immense library. this will have to be dealt with i guess. i do so dislike killing little creatures who pose no real threat to me. but my book collection! it's my best friend, man! *sigh* Eden has disappeared....well, at least i got a title song out of it *chuckle* Laters & Happy New Year 12-01-04 Wow. Thanksgiving was wild. We sold a LOT of food! I've been mostly working, on the internet and listening to music. I wish i had something new and flashy to report, but really it's me and my cd's, which you can read about in my Reviews section. Someone in one of the chats turned me on to a joke i found humorous. You might want to check it out: The Best Religious Joke Ever i didn't think it was the best one ever, but it made me laugh. Anyway, time for the Darv to do some post-job unlaxing. More later, kids. love ya! 11-08-04 Eden becomes more fantastically beautiful every time i see her. Is there an upper limit? Quite Amazing.... Am trying to remain calm during this period of high stress. Work is so difficult, so physically demanding, i am unsure how i will be able to get through this busy season without collapsing. Why do people work other people so HARD for such meager wages? I've almost come to believe that Americans really don't care about one another. But that could just be my cynical side. This week, I realized after 16 months in Maui that i a) didn't get a driver's license, thus b) didn't get a radio show AND thus c) didn't get the girl, PLUS right when they SHOULD have given me a raise, d) they didn't AND e) they took my assistant away from me. now, the question is: what attitude shall we take toward this? at first, i felt sad because being the loser all the time is tiring, but this more i began laughing hysterically, realizing that somehow all is right with the world and that it is my DESTINY to Lose!! Then, i went home and my new cd delivery was there and i relaxed. 10-31-04 Well, it's official: J has left Santa Cruz & i've no way to contact J. So i am officially disconnected & probably on a permanent basis. I so loved that person....LE also contacted me recently; another person i loved who didn't realize...i guess there's a karmic strain going on. the good news is Eden is still friendly if a bit guarded. I can't remember the last time someone was actually friendly to me when they realized i was in love with them. As pathetic as this all sounds, i do seem to be making progress... my sound adventures still blasting along. i'll have numerous new reviews soon and hopefully can get one more shipment in before the stormy season. the big news this week is that i've found a way to get my favorite organic coffee for near what i was getting it originally before moving to the islands. last time it cost me $15/lb; i'm thinking i'll pay $6.60/lb this time. HA! 10-24-04 How time flies when you are incredibly busy. Finally have learned how to record digitally straight from the music system to the computer. Darvdisc #2 is now in existence. Entitled simply, "Eden," is is partly about a young woman i love & partly about living here in paradise. I intend to begin recording the pieces i had composed at 1313 a year & half ago, "Pathways To Ecstacy." The first three are pretty much complete and there are parts of the heart chakra #4 i think are promising. i may strip down the pieces devoted to the three upper chakras and "reenhance" them. This will be a full visionary album: no rock beats, no vocals. Repaired the links to "Implosion: The Science of Ecstacy" at the top of the Darvlinks. One can only view these texts with a pdf reader like the Adobe Reader, but Dan Winter's latest is a wonderful thing and i would encourage you to even think about buying it. 10-06-04 well, we haven't slowed down that much! i was thinking of taking some time off during the slow period, but it ain't happening. guess i'll just save my vacation time in case somebody comes to visit. hope they give me some advance notice! we're cooling off in Maui now. the temps are down to upper 80s or so. i'm finally starting to acclimate because upper 80s feels cool. who knows maybe i'll be shivering when we get to lower 70s! Eden started talking to me finally when she saw i didn't like that she brought her boyfriend into my produce aisle and started making out with him in front of me. i tried to tell her how i feel about her, but she ran away again. first woman i've felt strong feelings of love for in six years. i can tell the internet. at least the internet won't run away. days flow together now addendum: more synchronicity: Eden came to the store today and I told her how i feel. i couldn't tell if she liked it, but she accepted it and was not adverse. she actually coaxed it out of me in a way. how healing to be able to say how i feel and have it accepted. not like santa cruz AT ALL hope springs eternal.... 9-18-04 slow time in the islands. not much tourism in sept or oct. big changes at my store. they are getting rid of the juice bar and expanding the produce department along with some more freezers. this will present new stocking and buying challenges. i feel up to it. i went through a big cd buying frenzy recently and have lots of new music! some i have already reviewed on this website and more to come! my attempts to get licensed so i can obtain a motor vehicle in order to be able to transport myself to the radio station (thereby being able to perform on-air) are at an IMPASSE right now.... ...at least i am very comfortable, can hang out on a cool hawaiian beach, and find my inner life still very exciting. my intellectual odyssey continues with my readings regarding the life and work of Giordano Bruno and on the phenomenology of the ayahuasca experience. i've also learned to burn from vinyl to cd, so i have been continuing to transfer great recordings from my record collection to cd. a friend sent me a large number of Santana's older recordings which i am glad to have. i have been working on a few musical ideas. one project i have not focussed on is getting my new material onto cd. this would probably require recording to tape first and then to cd, so it's an involved process i haven't attempted yet. 8-28-04 Am really starting to relax into this Maui thing and am hopeful i can get the hang of it. i really feel more relaxed and happier with who i am here. You wake up one morning and realize that you just went a WHOLE YEAR without anybody calling you a nigger. That is amazing! and no woman has given me a tonguelashing over some power fantasy in her mind. Incredible! THIS IS NOT SANTA CURZ! Who knows? Another year of this and i might actually be comfortable enough to reach out to people. I still pretty much feel like a hot electrical wire with no insulation from all those horrible years in SC, but I'm also sensing a healing that is occurring as i find myself daily in friendlier circumstances. This past week, a person at worker commented to me that they saw me as a BASICALLY HAPPY PERSON. wow! nobody has EVER said THAT to me. that was a real healing right there. i'm so used to being told i'm like gollum or something. negative, depressed, mysterious, intense. it is really great to hear from somebody that THEY see ME as basically positive. i think that SC was so negative and i am so sensitive that it just wasn't a good combination. i am still trying to cope with the damage that was done to me from so many repeated attacks from nasty SC feminists. i know this will not be a short process. whenever you are violently attacked in your sexuality, it takes not only time, but a healing sensibility, a desire to get better. whether or not i am actually capable of being in relationship remains to be seen. heck, it's been nine years and i'm essentially in learned helplessness. if a woman this moment said, let's jump in the sack, i probably couldn't do it. there are issues....but i do think i'm beginning to unwind.... 8-21-04 HA!! It Is Bloody HOT!! Anyway, I've been reading this fabulous book entitled, "The Antipodes of the Mind- Charting The Phenomenology of the Ayahuasca Experience" by Benny Shanon, which is a fascinating coginitive psychological approach to studying the varieties of the DMT experience. Written by a professor at Oxford, it reads like an upper-division university text, which makes it a little slow going in the less interesting areas, but overall Shanon has done a splendid job of describing the psychedelic mindstates induced by this substance. AM SAVORING THIS READ, YOU BETCHA! still doing vinyl-to-cd conversions and just yesterday dubbed off "Rainforest" by Paul Hardcastle, which we used to play after hours in the first health foods grocery store i ever worked in back in the mid-80s. i really enjoy the peacefulness of the place where i live. birds, trees in the wind and venetian blinds flapping. that's all you hear. occasionally, someone laughs softly. it's great. an eight minute walk, and i'm at this mellow hawaiian beach with all the scantily clad people. have been listening to Joe Jackson's Greatest Hits over'n'over. is that weird? still miss J. must learn to control my cd consumption rate. *ha, ha* 7-30-04 As i write this, it is 4:20pm and you know what that means? don't you? *smile* Where does the time go?!? It doesn't AT ALL feel like 20 days since my last entry. wtf?? such a lag.... my copy of "Jack and the Witch" arrived this week, so i've been watching it multiple times quite blissfully i might add as these strange animate visuals blast past. (see 6-20-04 entry below for internet link to synopsis of this odd film. i've been pondering whether i could or should write a paper on its symbolic relevance and updating of the "frog and the princess" fairytale. a little psychoanalysis wouldn't hurt either. the strangest thing is: this must be a 4th generation recording and has some rather serious visual flaws that one must ignore/accept pretty much for the duration of the movie EXCEPT for the section that was my primary motivation for obtaining it: the part where the mushrooms are chasing jack with lunar pitchforks with the intention of eating him and shrilling "BARBEQUE! BARBEQUE!" in this one section, the picture is relatively crisp and has most of its color. anyway, since i obtained the original Jonny Quest episodes dvd set that was just released in May and now have this odd cartoon, it may be that darv's second childhood is arriving early. I've recently written new reviews on Kraftwerk and Vir Unis which you can read on my reviews page. Other recently obtained cd's i will review soon: It's Tomorrow Already! by Irresistible Force Jackal and Nine by Anubian Lights I don't think the bus can get me to wailuku right now. perhaps this weekend i will look into obtaining a bicycle. i'm thinking wailuku, that is, where the community radio station is, might be a one hour fifteen minute bike ride. *hmmmm* they tell me we've been near the hundred degree mark here in kihei. hope tomorrow will be a classic beach day; i've got the day off. 7-9-04 Really hot. almost stormy. they say this is hurricane season. quite odd to see it almost stormy in mid-july. almost a year i've been on maui. got to start building a life here. i've been mainly working and studying and, well, doodling on the computer at chat sites. we have a new bus system and tomorrow i found out if and when it can get me to wailuku, where the community radio station is. by the way, if you haven't heard, phil manzanera is about to release a solo album which has all the original Roxy Music members except for Ferry. Eno, that's right, Eno back in the Roxy game 6-20-04 New (to me) Info: Brannan Lane has a nice new website i just found: Brannan Lane's Ambient Circle Music he has been quite busy lately with various collaborations. i've been so happy with the stuff i recently acquired from Vir Unis, that i'm thinking about getting his recent "Mercury & Plastic." i also finally found this animated movie that has haunted me since i was a teen: Jack And The Witch movie synopsis gonna buy a copy from coolstuff.com. this movie is so insane, pre-anime, with carnivorous mushrooms even. still having problems getting my driver's license and the local bus line closes down July 1, so the logistics for getting back and forth from Wailuku (so i could get on the local community radio station,) well, the logistics don't look so great for the summer. perhaps i will have to overcome my aversion to hitchhiking. things heating up in Maui. summer is on the way. 6-12-04 enjoying this solitude. like an adept up in my monastery. amother gorgeous mauian day. lanai and kahoolawe enwrapped in cumulus. i've been getting a lot of my favorite vinyl recordings onto cd. this new digital tech can make unlistenable vinyl to listenable cd by digitally removing surface noise and pops, even outrageously loud pops! anyway...another weekend lounging in paradise...looks like the rains are over time to start baking now...i hear brown guys do well with vacationing visitor women...summer arriving, i've brought in peaches, grapes, nectarines, cherries, the organic melons are back...all we need now is some summer lovin'...more on this later.... 5-20-04 according to recent studies, i have gained 8 pounds since coming to Maui. must be all that rich Hawaiian food. the "Big Braddah" and "Sumotori" plates at Da Kitchen are obviously high calorie. plus, i'm getting out to sushi every fortnight. my ass't and i have been trolling the local sushi bar lately. an older woman gave me her number today. she just moved here in january from washington. we'll see.... 5-14-04 YAY!! SomaFM is back! I missed you guys so much!! Nice to be able to have that continuous stream of ambience. I've been in a routine of work, laboratory and beach. It works out. Still trying to create proper outline for my eventual move onto fm radio again. my previous hiatuses were on the order of 2 years. it's been 2 years this July since i left my show and nearly a year & half since i've been on-air. 5-01-04 getting really lazy with the darvinfo entries here. this has been a crazy month in produce. new stuff: i bought a rice steamer. burned cd copies of some ancient vinyl you can't get on cd. recently picked up TJ Rehmi's "The Warm Chill" which is beautiful asian underground technoambient. and my new prize possession: "Co-Creation Code Deck" by Rowena Pattee Kryder. as some of you know, i read tarot and collect spiritual art, especially if psychedelically influenced. see Kryder's website! Kryder's Co-Creation Code Deck on the computer rig most of my down time now. burning, compiling, mailing to friends or giving to people at work. next project: Darvtunes 2. i also plan to record some stuff in my music system which never made it to tape. perhaps i'll go all the way to cd with some of it. haven't done any 4-tracking since i got here. maui is heating up and i think i should go to the beach soon since it might cloud up around 130pm. 4-01-04 where does the time go? full bore produce specialist and maui beach hound. hoping to have a car situation going soon, so i can do the radio. lots of new music i should write some reviews... yeah...that's it... 3-10-04 am bummed to find out that a friend of mine who i lived with for the first half of 2003 is in the hospital with a hard lump in the sinuses which could possibly be a brain tumor. still waiting for biopsy. this is one of the kindest, sweetest guys i know and very upsetting to hear... on the horizon: my package from Vir Unis and James Johnson should arrive in the next few days. i've ordered the 3-cd set, "Perimeter 2," and the new Unis release, "Everything Seeks Balance." reviews to appear shortly. stoked. by the way, check out their Atmoworks website: Atmoworks 3-07-04 Having a blast on the new rig. Still getting the radio proposal together. It's a fine sunny day outside. I'm going to the beach. Here's what my beach looks like: The Beach 10min Walk From My Pad 2-21-04 Well, contrary to what i was thinking, there IS a noncommercial radio station on Maui. It's called "Mana'o Radio." It doesn't cover the whole island, of course, but it gets Kahului, Wailuku, and a lot of the Upcountry. I can't get it at home, however. Anyway, i'm in early negotiations for an air shift. just have to find a way to get to the station and back. New regs for webcasting price it out of my range. I simply don't have $150/mo to pay royalties. I could get pirate software and run it from my home, but that would mean having lots of net users tapping my rig. RIAA and FCC killed webcasting last year folks. SOMA FM is even down. what a drag. 2-15-04 Kids, i've got a new rig for the internet, so i will soon be adding to the Interface, making it sexier and more up to date. I am also looking into the possibilities of webcasting so you can hear the music i write about. I am also making cameos at various forums and chats. I use Yahoo chat quite a bit.... Religion 2 is typical. Wish i had some new music to review, but not much out there except, i think, a new Alpha Wave Movement. I recently got "12x12" Thomas Dolby's remix cd, but that is part of the Darv nostalgia factor and i don't know if i'll stick it in the review section. maybe... anyway, we are back to the eternal summer in Maui and i wish you were here so we could take a blaster to the beach and listen to some chill while baking in the rays. 01-20-04 Well-ensconced now. Big pay raise, on salary, customers telling me the dep't is the best it has ever been. Whooee... There aren't any noncommercial radio stations around here! I've been considering webcasting, but that will require acquiring a new computer system that can handle that kind of work. On the list right behind a dozen other little "to-do" items. Every week, i'm noticing little things that make living here so much better than where i was. I'm a regular person now! I found myself thinking, "If people in Santa Cruz have the good experience that i'm having now, no wonder they think there is no racism!" Also noticing how injured i am from living there. Very reserved with any kind of friendliness towards women. And they're being really kind to me. it's just those old responses from living in a hostile place for so long. i'll get over it. can hardly wait till we get back into full on summer-like conditions and the tourist pour in from all over the world. 12-20-03 Just a few days until my b'day! The "big" 45. Had a good afternoon with a couple from Santa Cruz Co., Lompico, specifically: Kirk & Anna. They recognized me when i was working in the store. We met when i was dj'ing one of the Cozmik Casbah raves at the Vet's Hall in SC. So, we went to Ma'alaea and had a wonderful time at the aquarium. Even saw an octopus! I'm about to go to Lord of the Rings, so gotta run! Peace & enjoy yer holy days, however you may celebrate them! 12-06-03 Been a while since i entered a darvscenario here, but i've been busy reviewing discs over at the review section, check it out. Highlight cd: Kip Mazuy "Ocean Euphoric" probably my vote for best release of the year. eternal summer; dreams of Jenna; hard work and delicious music. gotta love it. every few weeks, someone from my old neighborhood in calif cruises through my Maui store. small world. (well, heck, it IS Hawaii...) i am pretty sure the webcasting thing is shaping up for the near future. it may take till spring. anybody know who produces rave parties on Maui? 11-8-01 I don't get to spend a lot of time working on the website these days, so if you run across a link that doesn't function, let me know so i can update that artist's section. My noisy neighbors got the boot from property management, so it's all quiet and peaceful at home. Wonderful! In fact, i am going to go home and join in the World Om when i get done here on the computer. The OM is gonna coincide with the lunar eclipse today. Read Jane Roberts' "The Nature of Personal Reality" recently. Not the whole thing, actually, but just the Seth channeled parts. I always avoided the Seth thing for some reason, but have had this book recommended to me several times over the years, so when i saw it for a dime, i thot, why not? still luvin Maui. tropical desert. it's my thing! Check out the review section! Always somethin' new! Click for Review Section 10-18-03 Entered new reviews 10-04-03 It's a wonderful life. Everything is coming together beautifully. Have put in my first Backroads order in over a year, so am very stoked to be jumping back in the Visionary Sound Arts game. Kip Mazuy has a new one out, "Ocean Euphoric," that, while rather expensive (forty bucks!) promises to be a good listen. I'll review it shortly (have to get it first.) I will also be perusing new efforts by Toires, Entheogenic, The Saafi Brothers, Carbon Based Lifeforms, and Professor Trance with Wolfman, if all goes well. This latest Backroads package is light on the Ambient side because my downstairs neighbors are so LOUD on the hiphop jukebox (which i pay $1000 a month to live inside) that, even with headphones, ambient listening is a major challenge. I AM interested in the new Deuter, Brannan Lane's "The Relaxing Effects of Water" and Sophia's chakra chants new release, but these will have to wait for the next batch 9-20-03 Am now well situated in Maui. All my stuff is here, basic training in job is done. Time to look to the future! I am making plans to start broadcasting "Adventures In Consciousness" over the internet! This would most likely take the form of a continuous 2 or 3 hour loop, with weekly or twice-weekly live broadcasts! I am still figuring out the logistics on this, but am definitely working on it, so check back here every so often for news on this development. Of course, I will post it at the top of my main page as soon as it goes on-line. My plan right now is to provide enough access for about 50 listeners at any one time. And thanks, Carl, for the good idea! Currently, i am still getting my home in order, enjoying the tropical desert with beach, and doing some work on the text i am writing. Every day there is something to do. 9-06-03 Where does the time go? Working hard at this new job. It's taking about ten hours a day. Of course, i can only claim eight of those hours for payment. Have been excitedly reading "Unified Spiral Field and Matter" by Vladimir Ginzburg. it tells the story of the development of the torodial spiral field theory from Archimedes through Copernicus, Galileo, Kepler, Leibniz and others! fascinating! and i knew that Newton was rather abrasive and hard to get along with, but, wow!, what a jerk! and wrong too. pretty much working and reading these days. my stuff is on the way from the mainland, so i am all the way out of that horrible Santa Cruz, California, never to return. thank Goodness!! haven't found a community radio station or anything like that to broadcast my visionary sound arts from. maybe i'll just have to make one....i've been thinking about shortwave.... 8-16-03 So, I've been on the Rock for a month... am plugged back in to the video reality with a TV and my first-time-ever cable hook-up. No more jonesing for news of the outside world. i got a hundred channels of shit on the TV to choose from....stopped by the main used book store on the island, which is craftily hidden behind the cane factory (the one spot around here that passes for Hell) and across from a decrepit, no longer used church. it's the "Maui Friends of the Library" bookstore, where the books cost a dime and are covered with cane factory soot because the store is more of a glorified shack. picked up two books : Jane Robert's "Nature of Personal Reality" and a book that i read earlier this year which has strangely returned to me after i sold it back to Logos: DeRohan's "The Unseen Role of Denial." whut th'?? making more money than i know what to do with. oh!: i finally broke my Ray Ban sunglasses and had to get a new pair. that's news, ain't it? my organic Timor coffee arrived from the Gourmet Coffee Warehouse and it was a joy to have my first cup this morning (my life is coming back together!!) now it is time to get off this library terminal and proceed to downtown for a little shopping...i need a chair or somethin 8-9-03 Well, today i was gonna go to town (Kahului) and buy a TV so i'd have more than a little walkman and library books to entertain myself, but i had some kind of allergic reaction to something & got the creeping crud (upper respiratory) so i slept in & missed my ride. am getting my job fairly well down now. it is rather hectic and sometimes i worry that not all the food is gonna make it out to the racks in time. a little fiasco here & there just to keep things interesting.... as some of you might know, i love Thai food and am always interested in trying out a new restaurant. fortunately, there are two here in my town & i'm gonna try one out tonight. I'm starting to think that i won't find any great asian food here (which is odd when you consider all the asians who live here,) but i am always hopeful of finding something nice. i've seen a lot of praise in local media for the vietnamese restaurant here. i will sometime make the point of getting there and testing it out. still without stereo, so i've no new reports in that direction. i've started reading Elaine Pagel's book "The Origin Of Satan," which has been on my "to read" list for years and just happens to be at my libary. i miss having an apt where i can chant loudly, sing and play music at dance hall levels. have to be so quiet here dang it. looking forward to having a social scene start up and maybe even getting back on the radio once all of my stuff gets shipped here from the mainland. still missing j, but what's a bro to do? 8-6-03 It takes a little longer to get a blurb in here these days, since i have to walk a couple of miles through the sweltering south Maui heat to get to the library, which only gives me half an hour on the "wiki-wiki"terminal, so sometimes i have to just do my e-mail and split. But here i am again (and rest assured i will continue updates coz i have to do work on my website at least once a month to keep it on the homestead.) Well ensconced on the Rock now! I bought a toaster! this last week. Exciting huh? I've been so busy learning the new job and chilling out that running around in the heat hasn't been high on the list. Reread "The Gnostic Jung and the Seven Sermons to the Dead" by Hoeller, which i found at the library. Love that little book. also making another attempt at Blavatsky's "The Secret Doctrine," which i seem to be at something of loggerheads with her regarding some of her interpretations. The library here doesn't have quite the selection of what i'm used to and my personal library is still in storage. Saw Pirates of the Carribean, which i was ready to dislike, but enjoyed immensely, even if there was some maudlin sentimentality and major logical gaps at the end (would the British REALLY let the pirates skate on a 24 hour head start?) Haven't developed a social reality yet, but the many years of sitting alone in my room in Santa Cruz have paid off. I am actually enjoying the solitude and quiet. All i have is a Sony Walkman and a few tapes. Picked up a cassette of Marcey Hamm's "Inward Harmony" for $2 and it has already given me some great sonic meditations. I've been phoning friends on the mainland for entertainment, as i have no TV, no cd's or records and just library books (except my cherished Thousand Names of Vishnu which i like to chant and Yogananda's "Metaphysical Meditations," both of which i brought with me. And still deriving much enjoyment from the new Steely Dan. Wish i was on-curve with the latest in Visionary Sounds, but will get there soon enough. e-mail me at: darvkrizton@hotmail.com. gotta run. ALOHA 7-26-03 Been a little while since my last entry. I've had a bit of a cold what from all the stress of travelling and finding a new situation & whatnot. Also, been trying to learn my new job, which is quite intense, just not enough minutes in a day to get everything done! I'm getting Saturdays and Sundays off for the first time in my life! It's odd to have a regular workweek.... Just this moment, got out from seeing the bargain matinee of the new Lara Croft movie, Cradle Of Life. It's as good as the best of the Indiana Jones series, if one is in to that sort of thing. It is hot & humid in Maui all the time. Still acclimating. But it is still socially so much better than Santa Cruz! Warm air; Warm Water; Warm people. Women just as beautiful but friendlier. Glad i'm here. I'm still getting the living situation together, so haven't been doing a lot of going to the beaching and partying. BUT THAT WILL CHANGE!! It will still be several months before i have all my possessions here & can get the computer linkup for internet so that my vibratory research can be reinstated. Rest assured that i will soon be updating you on the cutting edge of visionary sounds. Until that time, my friends, ALOHA~ 7-13-03 WHAT A DIFFERENCE A DAY MAKES!! So, not only have i arrived in Maui, but everything just came together in basically a single 24 hour period!! The company I mentioned in my previous communique was very interested in me. This would have made it necessary for me to work upcountry in the rainforest, either living in it or getting a car to commute to it. Suddenly, a whole new set of parameters arose and i was offered a job at a significantly higher pay, with people i've worked with previously, on the dry side of the island with my home about a five minute walk from work and six minutes from the beach. My deck has an amazing view of the beach and two islands -- Kahoolawe and Lanai! While i've only been here little more than 2 days, i will be right where i wanted to be with a starting pay and financial situation similar to Santa Cruz!! THANKS DIVINE!! Who knows? Maybe i'll find some kind of radio situation and get back into Visionary programming. Wouldn't that be a kick. With internet broadcasting so you can hear it too. If this can come together so quickly, it isn't that unlikely. I'm so grateful to all the people who supported me and encouraged me during this last year, letting my process move at its own pace. I am especially thankful for the help i received over this last month when i was starting to balk at the level of uncertainty. THANKS SO MUCH to my Parents, my brother Victor, Josh and Sue, and Weston. And a special thanks to Tim, who has let me stay in his guest room these last two nights and perhaps 3 nights more, when i had no frickin idea of where i was gonna be! And, again, THANKS DIVINE, for looking after me. Although i was afraid, i never doubted you! Keep checking the Darvlinks to stay updated on "The Tropical Adventures of Darv." If i can do it, you can do it! 7-7-03 Life sure has a way of keeping things interesting. No sooner did I start trying to make Maui happen, but I got a wonderful communication from a company that works in the industry right up my alley, potentially offering me a slot that would give me something to work with on the island. I just might not land flat-footed! Sweet! Sleeping better know that something with some shape has started to form. It looks like my jet flight will be Thurs, maybe Fri. Still hard to imagine that i'll suddenly be somewhere else, half an ocean away, after all the years in this town. Wild, baby, absolutely wild. Are you ready to start following "The Tropical Adventures of Darv"?!? After such a long wind-up, i would think so! You probably never saw so many previews before a movie in your life! AMAMA UA NOA! MAUI NO KA OI! ALOHA! MALAMA NA MANA'O'I'O!! KEEP THE FAITH!! 7-2-03 Activating The Dream I have taken the initial steps. Flight path and ground plan are solidifying. I have been reaching out to contact potential friends and desired employers. Yesterday, I contacted Raphael, the archangel who was one of my closest friends in the Nineties, and asked for his healing help and assistance. "Master," he said to me. "Why do you not use your powers?" I get somewhat uncomfortable whenever I am referred to as a "Master" or "Enlightened." This is because I see us all as being deep, powerful beings who simply are tuning in to different levels or ranges of awareness. But, I have realized that this is the way certain beings communicate. These are internal dialogues of course, so I am imputing these words to Raphael because that is how I set it up. "My powers?" I queried. "What powers are you referring to?" "You call on me to provide for you what you already have in great strength. I am but your instrument to direct thy Will." "My Will...So, it is up to me to create the circumstances and effects." "Through me, you can amplify and concentrate certain events, just as with the other beings who are your friends." And so we entered an extended session in which I focused on concentrating my Will on specific problems and challenges I am facing. It was very interesting to observe how my Will can have direction when I choose to use it that way. I also reflect on how various beings I have met -- Vishnu, a being I call "Teo," and Buddha -- have worked with me on the subject of Will. It seems I somehow keep relearning this. I will have to return to the Tree for more contemplation on this matter. 6-29-03 The Crux Of The Matter Follow The Dream -or- Take Financially Prudent Direction Millions of years of fending off predators in the jungles and now afraid to take a little Journey with a pocketful of money and stars in one's eyes. Cool enuf. Crazy Vortex. Bwah!! With the lid off.... 6-27-03 Feeling like Elliot in "True Romance." "I don't like this anymore. I wish someone would just come and take me away." Well, perhaps not that bad, but this is the most uncertain time of my life, certainly. Things seem to be proceeding to a conclusion, i just wish i knew if i'll be able to afford it in the endgame. Last thing one wants is to be in a situation where there's more $$ going out than coming in. I miss that security of my old job, knowing that the money will be coming. "Don't miss the funky attitudes and i don't miss the fights," however. Miss J. Reading a great book by Christian De Quincey titled, "Radical Nature." Great overview of the debate regarding the relationship of "matter/mind." 6-23-03 OK. So we now know that we are running out of time.... Looks like i'll spin the wheel and head out to the Hawaiian Islands first week of July. See if i can escape the Santa Cruz Vortex. My friend, West, sent me a copy of the new Steely Dan. You can read my thoughts on this recording in the Darv Music Reviews. Thanks, West! I'm 44&1/2 today. Where does the time go? Also, an old friend of mine from high school, who now lives in Seattle, got in touch with me a few days ago. I've been trying to find him for years. Cool! Have to admit that this coming transition is more scary than exciting for me. 24 years in Santa Cruz and moving out for parts unknown. Need less pain and more love, but we'll go through the changes nonetheless. It's really gratifying that the Interface main page is getting 2-17 hits a day. Love it! 6-18-03 Five days in a tent in the woods. Peaceful alternating with paranoid. guess i'm just a city boy.... tonight, i'll have a solid roof over my head and access to a telephone, so i can start laying out moving plans. had my first onslaught of anxiety this last week. after two decades of pretty much knowing what comes next, i'm gonna be, already am, all alone out there. 6-16-03 Wow. Can things just fall apart "like that?" I've no place to stay after the end of the month. Played out the options. Time to go to the islands? Sure wish i knew what came next.... 6-11-03 DARV'S INTERPRETATION OF THE LORD'S PRAYER O Divine Mother-Father Birther-Creator of the Cosmos Let our individual lights harmonize with the pure vibration of Your One Light. So that we may radiate peace and higher awareness to all beings in the material realms. Enable us to love beyond our ideals and to express compassion for all beings. Grant us a pleasant day today and provide us with the nourishment, nurture and meaningful experiences we each need to fulfill our individual purposes in your Divine Design. Help us to forgive ourselves for the harm we have done to others and to forgive others for the harm that they have done to us. Give us the insight to see to the heart of every situation that we find ourselves in, and the strength to liberate ourselves from our misinterpretations of the diversity-in-unity, so that we may be healed of our feelings of loneliness, shame and guilt. For You, Divine, are the Root and Source of All Being, Eternally Recurrent Archetypal Essence, Perfect, Astonishing, and Profoundly Beautiful. Truly--Power to these Statements-- May they be the Basis of All of our Aims and Actions. *Blissings & Blessings to All Beings* 6-9-03 Where does the time go? It's as wacky as the address. Read "The Atman Project" by Ken Wilber for the third time this last week. Amazing to still be gleaning ever deeper insights from this text. Got a copy of "What Is Beat?"--a compilation of the best of the English Beat (this also being part of the Retro syndrome i'm going through.) Just wish it had "I'm Your Flag" on it. This all relates back to the early 80s when i was the Friday nite New Wave Dance dj on the UCSC radio station, KZSC, 88.1fm in Santa Cruz. And, hey, the cd only cost me five bucks.... I have lost the plot at this point and am patiently observing what happens to know what to do next. Am meeting in an hour with my former best friend of 8 years who i haven't hung out with in probably three years now. It's a long story. Anyway, it will prove amusing in some degree, i'm sure. Just picked up "The Crown Of Life" by Kirpal Singh at the library today. I looked into it because Wilber wrote that Singh described 7 chakras ABOVE the Crown chakra in one of his writings. Having looked through what is available in the SC library, i thought this one had some interesting stuff on samadhi. But can't find the extra chakra info anywhere *sigh*. I think i might go search for it now. PS: also very inspired by chapter in Joseph Chilton Pearce's new book, "The Biology of Transcendence," which describes the nascent discipline of Neurocardiology. It would appear that the heart is part of the neural system and has a significant field around it which tarnation if it don't look like a merkabah! 5-20-03 The Beat Goes On... HOT HOT HOT in SC, enjoying some lackadaisical daze with the kids in the sun roaming free through forest and wood. Most of the ducks are lined up now. Still don't know where i'll end up or what i'll be doing. miss doing the radio show and being up on all the new releases. going through a retro Psychedelic Furs phase. Ultravox too. 5-12-03 Just had to jot down a little note here as a sort of reference. On 5-10, my friend Yoshi and I were on the Pacific Garden Mall in Santa Cruz and bumped into JOE MONTANA!! While i'm not into sports, really, Montana did give me some wonderful exhiliration jolts in the past and it was good to thank him for it in person. I know i keep saying this, but the time is certainly near when i will be out of SC for good. Am looking at airfares, most everything is squared away in the locker and i've used up my options for hanging around. 5-07-03 Recently picked up an arabic downtempo disc titled,"Arabesque," on the Ryko label. I've been collecting modern music influenced by Arabic vibes recently and this one is a great addition. More in the Reviews section on this. Also, House Double Sacrifice has been getting into the Psychedelic Furs lately, much to my nostalgic pleasure. Almost like rediscovering them all over again. Spring cleaning has occurred and the interior spaces have opened up. Rethinking the grand strategy. New tune on the groovebox. "Luv Luv Luv." Rereading "The Feminine Dimension of the Divine." Found a vinyl copy of the first Polyrock album, after all these years, for $1. Rested up, eating well, and have some friendly female company :) Life is good. What is next? 4-21-03 Enjoying the new Robert Carty cd, "Tonalities," immensely. Partying regularly and relaxing as much as possible. Have been consolidating the stuff in my locker in preparation for Hawaii. I was actually going to split on 4-18, but it looks like perhaps another two weeks. At least i'm having fun with people who like me. Definitely detoxing *whew* 4-04-03 The time is rapidly approaching where i actually will be getting on a jet for the Hawaiian islands. Probably on the one to two week range. This last week, composed a five minute song titled, "Tyrant," a pretty hard rocker about our favorite dictator and his adversaries. Getting back on the beam after an interlude of relaxation and general "jelling." Very grateful for the kindnesses my friends have shown me and excited to be arriving at a true leaving from Santa Cruz. 3-17-03 The computer where i've been staying is down, so i haven't had regular internet access. almost a month has past. i continue to compose music in a quiet, country-like setting, far from the uptight attitudes of Santa Cruz proper. very relaxing. the walk to the library to use the county mainframe is about half an hour, but this morning was warm with a brisk air. i will just have to say that i still consider myself to be in a convalescing mode. the pain in my neck has finally alleviated (!) so it is really about my head finally "resuturing." going to the Islands is still my plan, but i will not be seeking work until my body has completely restored itself. when i left that work situation, i had hoped to be back in form in a few months. now, here i am, completing the eight month out. rather expensive, this, but i need it. miss my radio show now, but have to move forward. my heart still mourns Santa Cruz, but i hope this will heal in time, especially when i finally make the Big Move. haven't bought a cd in two months! 2-18-03 Quite some time since my last entry. Have been enjoying a long period of respite. Composed two new DarvTunes in the process. Still sashaying on the shillyshallies in the Western Vortex. Rested up, still unwinding. Adding new entries to the DarvLinks all the time. my email is getting overwhelmed by spam. WMAP results have been most exciting. WMAP Results 1-30-03 Last 3 days have been constructing a cover of Stones' "Beast Of Burden." Lots of fun with that. Good tune... Have been indulging in further free-floating hedonism...Nice... nice temporary set up (thanks & a tip of the proverbial hat to Yoshi for making the space) still right across the street from UCSC.... *sheesh*....kinda took some time off from the suite. maxed out. this next week, then... Haven't seen any texts or discs to collect lately. I've had a hankering for the Police "Ghost In The Machine" recording, which is probably my fave album by them, even if it doesn't have my favorite songs on it. I like the production values -- kinda dark reggae ska mix compared to other, more high gloss recordings they did....rambling now.... say, does anybody know how to mesh the two halves of your head back together? 01-23-03 Just added Ambient Temple Of Imagination to the "Technoambient" section. Also: link to Center For Neuroacoustic Research articles added to Darvlinks-Sonics section. The suite is mostly finished except for final mixdown, conversion to Wav and then burn to cd. Not bad for 3 weeks puttering around. January winds to an end and it is almost time to make the big move. Tum ti tum... 01-18-03 Just added WTC video clips to the Conspiracies section of Darvlinks....still at double mem for the nonce...work is proceeding moderately well on the Suite; learning some new sound tricks to journey the boundaries smoothly. the house just got fitted for dsl and the phone is working again, so i'll be out there more. mostly in hermitage composing.... 01-13-03 Haven't had internet access for a while, so just catching you up now...I am storing my body in an undisclosed location near UCSC. Have spent the last week composing what will be my *first* Visionary Sound Arts SUITE! Tentatively titled, "Pathways To Ecstacy," it is a seven-piece journey up the chakras on a graduated vibrational acceleration towards the "samadhi pulse rate" of 12hz. Each piece attempts to convey some aspects of each chakra that i have experienced during my journeys on the inner planes. The idea is to allure the listener into successively higher vibrational states which lead to a white light ecstacy (with a long bath in the ocean of bliss subsequently.) I have been composing on the MC505, which i am still learning to use. If i'm lucky, will burn to cd this week and have copies available for close associates. This last week has been an intensive sonic hermitage, although i'm at a house where a gazillion people are wandering through all day! It's been interesting to open the door and have all this activity taking place. So different from living downtown where there are lots of people but a social vacuum. The earthing of "Pathways To Ecstacy" will be my penultimate event before moving forward toward the tropical landscapes of my future. ALOHA! 01-02-03 Just returned to Santa Cruz after several days at KKUP, doing the NewAge/Visionary Marathon. We met our goal of $6000 raised for the station! Now that that is over, i have no future plans. Anybody out there have an extra corner to store a visionary dj? i'd love to be a "kept man." anyway, it looks like the decision possibilities are narrowing down to going to Hawaii with no effort on my part, so barring sudden fortuosities, i'll probably head out there soon. by the way: HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYBODY!! PEACE OUT! 12-29-02 Just published an account of my near-death-like experience here on the website. Check it out: Darv's NDE 12-27-02 Just spent a week at Cindy's Paradise in Campbell, then my bday & xmax at my sis's in San Juan Batista. Is this turning into musical abodes? played enough "Grand Theft Auto" to know that it is addictive and probably makes ya want to run people over, in your car, in your spare time. also, saw Lord of the Rings "Two Towers" and Star Trek "Nemesis." part of the holiday festivities. saw Lord of the Rings on dvd, "Fellowship of the Ring" about 3 times. and animated 1977, "The Hobbit" movie twice. so: megadosing on video. "Two Towers" is a great view, by the way. looking forward to seeing it again. Did you know that "The Lord Of The Rings" is the second most-read book of the 20th Century (right after the Bible,) according to a commentator in the dvd appendices, at least. You CAN have hope when all seems lost. the creative work on Gollum(Smeagol) blurs the line between animation and live action. amazing. when i saw the 1st movie earlier this year, i was somewhat bummed. they should have released it as it is in the dvd version, with the extended scenes and the deleted scenes. much happier with the dvd version. perhaps the new movie is more complete, but there is also more action and the depiction is stunning to say the least. this trilogy, if the 3rd is of same level (which i assume it will be because they recorded it all as one project,) will easily surpass Star Wars not only for conveyance of Vision, but also philosophically. Frodo versus Sauron is a more satisfying nemesis, for me, than Luke Skywalker versus Darth Vader. Perhaps it is that Frodo is truly noble and Luke is,well, a handful. You know what Luke would do with the One Ring.... Really noticing how frazzled i was from sitting so many years in the Cauldron of the Before Times. i thought 3 months was going to be the outer time frame of my Convalesence, but i am almost at the 5 month mark and am still unwinding. every day, i have certainty that i am healing and moving towards Health. the Recovery Time is occurring and i am improving. scheduled for the NewAge/Visionary Marathon on KKUP Wednesday, January 1 from Noon to Six PM, with Eric Mystic and various guests. so, we'll have a few little surprizes and sonic tidbits available for you then. Going to get my passport photos done this afternoon. *Thailand* the two stream dream becoming clear: Tropics or The Sonical Adventure. I should like both, so this may require an extended agenda. You only go around once in life, so grab all the gusto you can. (Is that an old beer commercial? sheesh, Darv!) i know my process is taking a long time, but be patient with me. "I know half of you half as well as i should like, and i like less than half of you half as well as you deserve." *ha* don't worry; be happy 12-16-02 Still in Santa Cruz. Staying at Shaw's who is an old friend, yoga-beatnik from way back. I've been running out of lounge options and may have to go over the hill to the San Jose region in order to hang out. Picked up the new Patrick Bernard cd, "Love Divine," but have only heard it once, so i'm not ready to write a review of it yet, but i can say that it sounds pretty much like any of his aquarian-style discs, this one being pretty focussed on Krishna....i'll have to try it out under pristine conditions. Also: the "Mandala Oracle" by Heita Copony is now out -- a card deck of 37 exquisite mandalas that capture the divine energies perhaps better than any other visual images that i own. You can find some examples in my "Mandala" section in the Darvlinks. also: if you have Winamp and can stream music from the net, check out the "Internet Radio" section i just added to the Darvlinks. Darvlinks click here check out this cool article on "Generating Happiness": Generating Happiness New entry in "Cutting Edge Science" section of the Darvlinks: finally found a link to the work of Vladimir Ginzburg, a Russian scientist who has done some fascinating work on the spiral toroid theory of the atom. Also, am currently reading "The Unseen Role of Denial" by Ceanne deRohan, which was recommended to me by a friend. It's a fascinating mythos of the beginnings of consciousness. Lots of cosmic sex in it too. Some excerpts Being in town has given me some opportunities to see Jenna again. I told her that i love her when i first got back to town. What i would like to tell her before i go is that the only place that i have felt "Home" in the last 10 years is in her arms. But whatever....i'll probably be out of Santa Cruz again in a few days. possible never see her again...*sigh*.... Where Is "Home?" It's been great seeing so many friends! I feel like i really have said "goodbye" now. Have started the process of getting a passport so that the Thailand possibility can get on line. Sure wish i could reach a decision about which way to go. 3 months in Thailand and then to Hawaii sure sounds good, but getting a sound system and touring Northern Calif sounds great too. what do you think? drop me a line at darvkrizton@hotmail.com 12-07-02 I was thinking of being around the Santa Cruz area until new year's, but i may have to move on sooner than that. Don't want to wear out my welcome, which does seem to be wearing after a week....It's been great being up in the pine and redwood forest. Should have gone on a hike to the moon rocks. My back and neck are doing fine now, but i'm a little disappointed that, nearly 5 months after getting out from under the intense physical labor at work, my crainial situation is not resolving, but throwing new wrinkles in like "benign positional vertigo" (which means everything starts spinning when my head is in a certain position.) my plan had been to be all healed up by this time, since i have to make some decisions about what i'll be doing these next weeks. i did get a chance this past week to have some truly delightful interactions with the people in this area that mean the most to me. it's almost over though, time to fly out to the islands. i guess i've been pushing it into the future because it is a big, expensive question mark. but...can't couch surf my whole life (leave that up to the professionals.) by the way, there's new stuff in the "cutting edge science" section of the darvlinks. and new UFO stuff too! the WTC UFO video clip is far out -- and "probably" hoaxed. but fun. 12-04-02 Stuck in Bonny Doon for the day with a DSL internet computer! Have added a "Mandalas" section to the Darvlinks which i think is pretty far out. Also, just discovered that the mandalas of Heita Copony are available again in a laminated 37-card deck. Her classic book, "The Mystery of Mandalas" has been out of print for some time (although Amazon says they have it for $51.) click here for Mandala Oracle info Have been communing with old friends & my brother, Vic. 11-30-02 Back in the Santa Cruz area for some final adjustments before winging away into the future. Up in Bonny Doon. Looking forward to hanging out with a few friends and then, when the weather gets wet, off to Hawaii!! If i'm here long enough, i'll participate in the KKUP visionary-newage marathon, but i've yet to figure out exactly what the timelines are, so check future updates for more on that. Went with my brothers and niece to see Wes Craven's new flick, "They." (Yeah, i know, horror movies are demonic...) If you like nightmare slime creatures from the abyss that creep in shadows, then "They" is right up your alley. There's really not much of a story: slime monsters come back for the people who, as children, they marked. good doesn't stand a chance against evil in this one. i found myself peering in to suspicious shadowy areas around the house i was staying at that night.... no new music to tell you about. my youngest brother burned some cd stuff for me like Best of Police, Brand X "Livestock," Best of Berlin, Steely Dan "Katy Lied," and a strange hip-hop collection featuring Tupac's "California Love," a song i've liked and idly wished i had a copy of but didn't want to buy the whole disc. "How Do You Want It" was the song he played as we drove to mom's for the last time *ha* hey, drop me a line at darvkrizton@hotmail.com 11-21-02 Howdy folks! It�s been difficult to get Some net time so I can keep the updates Coming at ya. Seems like I�ve been on a Different course from the local computers. However, things are going well. I�ve been In the UnderRoom for some time now, healing Up. My back pain is gone and the head pain is Slowly resolving itself. I remember years ago, A woman friend of mine who got out of the Produce game told me that it was amazing coz After only two or three months, your body just Opens up and the pain slides away. Just slides Away, goin� down that stoking offramp. I�ve Been out of the game 4 months now and am Just getting into a shape where I stand a chance Of not being in constant pain. Here�s hoping! It�s been fabulously HOT down here & I�m a Bit nostalgic for the desert. Like, Sedona would Be good. It�s been terrific just being a short Distance from the beach. Been chanting the Thousand names of Vishnu almost every day. Writing some memoirs. A whole new wave of Sacred geometry is starting to emerge in my Journals. Keep missing Jenna, but I guess I�ll Just go through it until I forget her�. The current plan is to spend Thxsgvng in Atascadero, then back up to Santa Crud to make Final adjustments for HAWAII. Until then, lazing Around the los angeles beaches will do. Peace. Here's a good bumpersticker West just made up: GET OFF THE PHONE AND DRIVE! 11-10-02 Incommunicado as of late. Have begun writing new text, my 1st novel in @20 years. About a young adult who gets involved with angelic magic & plant sacraments. Somewhat alchemical. This lead me to a new glyph and restatement of the DarvParadigm, Deep Orientation. You wouldn't believe what my head looks like inside! *whew* The days are flowing into each other as my healing continues. The back pain is gone (hey! that only took 4 months.) The cranial pain is still severe, but recent shifts have been promising....i never really knew the joys of the microwave oven, but have had some interesting encounters with one lately. back in the day, frozen food was *ugh* *irk!* now, it's not half bad....now that i'm out of the DarvLab, my writing abilities have been reblossoming. interesting to observe.... still constantly missing that young woman i so loved for so long. but gotta face the facts....i am the ipso facto sui generis non pareil, a farce only a mother would love, more fool me.... and, so, lonely bachelor out from under the thumb of the wicked old witch. oh, and by the way, Santa Cruz sucks.... the rains have begun. letting the events shape themselves. soon, i will have to move on to more tropical climes.... as for the political climate, i guess we will just have to have the gov't we didn't vote for. go to Hawaii, give USA one last try, then....ptui.... wait'll you see the bats.... 10-27-02 Perfectamundo. The last ten days have been a pure testament to the state-of-the-art in bachelor living. *chuckle* We've completely squandered all available time in the continuous ritual use of legal mind-bending accoutrements. To wit: salvia divinorum is going to be illegal in a couple of months, so you better stock up while you can still obtain it legally. Check the "plant sacraments" section of the Darvlinks as regards this development. For those of you not familiar with Lady Salvia, if you want the bottom to fall out so you can slide down the rabbit hole to the fishbowl side of things getting stretched out like googly taffy in the 2D running paint light show, then this could be for you. It's legal (for now.) Very relaxing. Not necessarily beautiful, but *mutated* On the other hand, and it's always the other hand that gets in trouble. We've been in fine position to observe many beautiful women at the Coffee Bean Cafe in Manhattan Mall and at Thai Rama. No notes of outrage to comment upon yet, will let you know when a woman from SC finally arrives here and flies off the handle *heh* Uh....there is a new Patrick Bernard release out there, called "Love Divine," which i will check out post haste. At least 2 new Al Gromer Khan discs too. PB is one of those musics that should be listened to psychedelically in order to appreciate its full value. Anyway, still in the Underroom at Wejping's. Full throttled unmarried middle aged men reverting to teenage wildlife. Courageous or pathetic? You be the judge. At any rate, i'll probably be sashaying through SC in the next few weeks before running away to Hawaii to seek my Fortune or meet my Fate. Till then- eudecide. 10-17-02 "So, what is Darv up to?" "So, what is Darv doing?" "Is Darv going back to work?" i've only been off the ratrace treadmill 3 months! i might take another 13 off! *hooeee!* let's face reality: i enjoy wasting time listening to music and sitting in cafe-life watching all the blonde surfer gals and elegant asian beauties stroll by. invisibility has its rewards. no one to be, no thing to do. now true, this is low-budget bachelor-style living. heck if it was a trailer, i'd be trash. but better happy trash, than living amongst the 'just better' empire. the initial foray is reaching its vector collapse. the rains are coming and soon Darv will have to adjourn to sunnier climes. the plan will come... having now inventoried the condition of the various 'committed' relationships amongst my extended family, living like a low life bachelor in cutoffs and a duct taped cot seems like paradise. i wanna get one of those jobs where i get paid a lot of money to do virtually nothing. something like, uh, "personnel director" or "beta tester" or "music critic." yeah....that's it.... but until then, we're gonna kick back and drink one more Outhouse..... (*that's an inside joke*) 10-14-02 Saw the Moms off to Africa from LAX yesterday. The LA thing appears to be winding down. Soon will be on the road again back to SC and probly up into Bay Area before winging away to Hawaii. Opened new designer website, currently titled, "Ambient Music," which is in its infancy at http://www.oocities.org/darvambient/ it is mainly an attempt to start getting attention on the search engines when people ask for ambient music. ....anyway.... i finally found a young woman i've been looking for for 15 years. she's at a halfway house in SF with an infant. will talk to her soon! also, i'm starting a new reviews page so you will be able to find out what i'm listening to at the moment. check it out soon DarvReviews 10-09-02 Various goings on in LA. Shuttling back & forth between El Porto UnderRoom and the Momfolks, Manhattan Beach. Things are winding down & i have to start making decisions for the upcoming months. I have 4 major options: (a) run away to Thailand for a few months. this has the benefit of inexpensive dental & body work. my body is still recovering from 17 years of hard labor. also, of course, Thailand is a friendly place & could help me heal socially; (b) head straight out to Hawaii and begin developing my new way-of-life. the longer i go casual, the fewer resources i possess for the major transition; (c) acquire the DreamSystem and begin developing my bay area & northern calif connections for ambient rooms at raves; (d)pick an area in Calif & look for work in organic produce, as i was doing. each of these options has an appeal & a downside. i'll probably go for the more hedonistic one and spend some time in Thailand....let's see....speaking of Thai: very pleasant couple of interactions with a young Thai woman whose American name is "Tina." West thinks she likes me. I feel like i just got out of prison, that is, "House Arrest," (Santa Cruz,) and am just returning to the World. It's been great to meet some women who find me attractive and not be working AT ALL! (not to mention, not working in a hostile workplace.) My back pain is gone, the neck&head pain greatly lessened. I'm becoming a real person again, as compared to the hellish SC travesty of of life. Still in love with that woman up there. i'd melt if she was suddenly near me. but it is great to have some positive attention. it is really hard not seeing her or being near her at all.... 10-02-02 I know i've been making weekly updates, but throwing this one on spur of the moment. Still in MB, shuttling between lodgings. The next few days will be hot, so i hope to get some beach time in because the days are running short and i will have to begin the job search soon...there's really nothing cooking so i'll have to make something up. vacillating between going to Hawaii and cruising around, looking for work, taking more time off and going to Thailand for some in-depth bodywork and dental work, or acquiring the Dream System and looking for deejay work....hmmm.... 9-29-02 Time seems to be passing more quickly now. It's the SURF PUNX! Tequila, ultravideos, sun'n'sand, and every person is a BEAUTIFUL person. LA, LA, LA. Lady Salvia, Salton Sea, Hawk and *hey!* the new Peter Gabriel, "Up," is bloody fantastic! A dark vision, but about facing one's fears, working for a better future when the one on the horizon isn't looking too groovy. Reposado, Kona Fire Rock, Ultimate Rama. Could it be that there has been this latent surfer within the Darvparadigm this whole time? Lazing around four blocks from the beach, audiophile systems, stated grades of green, the de rigeur beach babe, "Bridget," next door, zipless jazzfunk. My childhood friend's dad had to go to the hospital - congestive heart failure. So Hollywood on hold. Holed up in Manhattan. Holocaust survivor this morning & then lunch with the bro who ripped his toe. What Dreams May Come.....tonight. Jenna. 9-22-02 In Hermosa Beach down in LA! At my bro's house about 2 blocks from the beach in my home town. Everything's the same, but different. Built up, but stripped down. Staying with the momfolks in Manhattan, then surfpunking the Strand. hot weather, the unending proscession of tanned bodies in bikinis, scarfing the traditional meals at GoodStuff & Souplantation. "Whatever." Going to group meditations with my brother & then playing music. "It's a humid flippin' day," as my bro just said.//Still got this cough from six weeks ago...what's up w/dis? *hack!* *hack!*//This brings back memories from a quarter century ago. Makes me misty. But i couldn't have enjoyed Hermosa any better than S.C. Ultimately, i must press on....but for now it's a good place to visit. wouldn't it be cool if i ran into an old high school flame? *ha* 9-16-02 Last night in Atascadero. Tomorrow morning, will go to my hometown, Hermosa Beach in LA to hang out with my momfolks. But tonight, one last hot tub under that waxing gibbous moon! Looks like i missed the potential connect in Maui, but i am open to possibility now, so we shall see, my precious. Oh yes, we shall see... Saw the latest Robin Williams movie, "One Hour Photo," yesterday. Now there's a movie that knows something about loneliness! Of course, Sy Parrish cracked, poor chap. I related to the guy in some ways, tho. I know what it's like to be outside looking in. Sometimes that fantasy of being a part of the life of people who barely know that you're alive is ALL YOU'VE GOT. You know you've gone too far when you find yourself stalking them, however. Waving a knife around is simply out of the question. Unless you've gone bonkers. Learned a new phrase in Chinese: "Shen Jing Bing!" it means: "that's crazy!" Don't worry, i won't go bonkers. one is never alone with the Divine. and visiting family. sure hope i heal from angry feminist land... realizing this week just how much damage was done....i mean: i can relate to Sy Parrish?!? so glad i'm out of Santa Cruz... there's always hope! 9-8-02 Now in the high desert of the central coast of california, visiting my father. It is quiet up here! 8 acres of scrub canyon & a hot tub. Out of range of KKUP for the first time. No "Neptune Currents" this morning (alas!) Neck and head starting to relax. Perhaps in a month i'll be opened up! Quite a thing to look forward to after so many painful years. Finished second reading of "The Mystical Mind" by D'Aquili. Continuing to write my 5th book. New Peter Gabriel due out on 24th! Hoohah! They have farmer's markets every day of the week around here. I've been helping my dad finish the plum harvest and pruning the trees back for winter. Looks like the coons or possums took the last of the apples. Today we play croquet! Y'know, there just might be something to this retirement thing. 8-27-02 I've spent the last two weeks getting out of Santa Cruz itself. Sometime i'll write my memoirs! It was so classic! People who are supposed to be your friends take your money and then attack. I was so hurt that i was ill for a week. Meanies. $1705 gone. Shows ya who your friends are, however. This last week has been better. With my sister in San Juan Batista, helping her with the little ones. More love in my life this last week than in the entire previous year. It's like finally breaking out of the Twilight Zone and coming back Home. And a tip of the hat to my brother, Victor Revere! A saving angel in the midst of adversity. Hope i can return the favors! Bless you, my Brother! 8-19-02 A full month now since my last work shift. Body limbering up; less muscle bound. New somatic shifts into more pleasant condition. I could live with this. Looking forward to how relaxed i'll be in a month...or two! It's worth it, leaving the job & home. Darv Krizton: on the hoof. It's also good to experience that i DO have friends who will support me when i need it. About to commence the journey to see the folks. And then.... Hawaii? Let's not get ahead of ourselves.... 8-07-05 Numerous requests for a copy of a reading i did on my two last shows have motivated me to include it here in the darvinfo updates. During a time in my life of intense spiritual activity, there was one week where i was performing automatic writing. This occurred about three times during that week, and the following was written in a local Santa Cruz cafe as the final transmission: It is quite simple. Let the feeling loose to flow about you as it will. Sickness comes from not doing so, from holding back. You must strive to keep the energy flowing from within you out into the world. Becoming part of the flow. Let the changes happen. There is nothing for you to be afraid of: your own attachments are the only shadows that there are to fight. If you simply allow reality to form as it will around you, you simply reside in a centered interior space of tranquility and positive quiet expectation and all things will form to your highest good. You are a very talented, special individual who has a great capacity to manifest anything into your life that is desired. You must cultivate the ability to aspire without wanting. It is the obsessive wanting which is defeating. By simply being here-and-now, residing in the tantra, the alchemy of your life on an unfolding basis, you can create any positive change in your life that you desire, but you must decide to do so. You can tell yourself the same sad stories about how horrible life was and still be making it so, but that will never replace good, clean, positive transformation in the here-and-now. RESIDE IN A COOL, CALM SPACE AND EVERYTHING ELSE WILL FOLLOW. STOP RESISTING THE TRANSFORMATIONS. MOVE THROUGH THEM WITH JOY AND WITHOUT FEAR AND KNOW THAT I AM EVER AT YOUR SIDE. 8-05-02 All moved out of the apt where i lived for 16 years! Still in the area for another month or so & then the whirlwind search for new situa- tions begins. This is an exciting, and perhaps a bit scary, time. Being out of my usual environment is providing me with new insights into my own being. It is good to experience how flexible and friendly i actually am; how easy it is for me to move into new realities and connect with new people. I'm also realizing how detrimental Santa Cruz was for me; how hurt i am from all the feminist attacks. I hope to be able to heal my physical pain from the heavy lifting in refrigeration job i was doing and the soul pain from the intense anti-colored, anti-male hate that exists in Santa Cruz in a relatively short time. it will be nice to have my sexuality back! i've already made some good changes that i hope will provide as much benefit for the people i've encountered as they are giving me. 7-20-02 I'm beginning this area of the site because i am going through some major transformations and there may be some few of you out there who want to know what the scoop is....here's the deal: I've been forced to move out of my rental unit of 16 years. Since i haven't enjoyed living in Santa Cruz these 23 years & haven't enjoyed my job of 13 years & have been single for the last 7 years, it makes sense to move on to another place to live where i might be happy. Unfortunately, this means leaving a lot of stuff behind me & the radio show is one of them "Adventures" has been the highlight of my week for the last 5 years. If i could take the gig with me, i would, but i can't & i'm not going to stay here. so, there ya go. I must say here that, frankly, i don't see where Santa Cruz gets this reputation as this cool, open, enlightened place. My words regarding the general populace would be along the lines of Cruel, Aloof, Condescending. Especially the women.... Anyway, i have precious little idea of my next moves. I think i may find myself in the state of Hawaii shortly. I seem to fit in better there. There are also possiblities of doing some rave deejay work, taking VSA to the entheogenic masses. we'll see.... today is my first day of not having a regular job. i'll do Cosmik Casbah tonight & finish up packing....stay tuned... See You In The Dreamtime! Return to Main Page