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Welcome
to Dark Blades Distractions! If
you don't feel like scrolling through the whole page, Jimmy
Shea
Andrew
W.K.
Peter
Steele
Mike
Shinoda Last update: 6.29.02 other guys Who we want to bang our brains out
Jimmy
“Fangs” Shea Jimmy
Shea was the sentimental sweetheart of the 2002 Winter Olympic Games. Most people
were drawn to his strong spirit and touching family story. But, we know
better. The
dude likes to party
and we are quite We believe he has lived everyone of his 33 years to the fullest. Just the idea of all his experience partnered with his raw sexual talent is enough to make you want to pass out. You've seen his glowing eyes staring right through you from the TV screen. You know what we are talking about. Did you watch him during the Olympics getting all psyched up just before a run? He would jump around like a great ape and charge around like a mad bull. He got the nastiest looks on his face. It was thrilling. We imagine he psyches up like that just before he charges you in the bedroom, in the kitchen, in the garage, in the back seat of your car, or in the deep dark parts of the forest. About the pict: We have no idea where we got this pict, but it's the best Jimmy Fangs photo we have ever seen. Check out those fangs and that werewolven chest hair. Grrrrr.
I want to fuck Andrew
W.K. until the blood starts pouring out of my nose. His music is like a wickedly poppy collision of goth, metal, and hair band crap from the 80s. I dig it. It's hardcore happy. It will make you want to party hard and get wet, too. There was some controversy over this picture from his CD cover. Some complained it scared little children and that it promoted cocaine use. I think the true controversy is how innocently sexy he looks. You can't stop looking. He's so fucking magnetic, it's scary. (On Andrew's site you'll find an article in which Dave Grohl of the Foo Fighters says the exact same thing.) Never before and never more in my life have I so wanted to mug down on a guy with a bloody face. (I think his blood probably tastes like raspberries.) He's just a total babe with his nicely developed arms, chest, and legs all encased in his tight grunge jeans and thin cotton t-shirt — a total babe who throws himself around on the stage like a masochistic madman. You just want to cradle him, caress back those sweaty dark locks from his face, and nurse away all his external and internal wounds. Check out his Web site www.andrewwk.com. Read his long message at the bottom of the main page. You'll cream yourself from the sweetness of this strangely tortured dude. Rock on, Andrew! I love you, too! UPDATE: For those that just can't see the beauty for the blood, click here. Yes, I finally busted out a page just for my bloody boyfriend. (How can someone as lazy as me continue to create more work for them self?) About the pict: The notorious CD cover for “I Get Wet” by Andrew W.K. courtesy of www.andrewwk.com
Peter
Steele Not
only does he have a voice that so wickedly and lusciously violates you,
he's got 11 more inches of flesh tucked away to invade your space, as
well. He's also the only guy
I've ever seen hold an upright bass like a regular guitar with a thick
metal chain as a guitar strap. At
6'6" and 220 pounds, this man is all muscle; and I know exactly which
of those muscles I want inside of me. (Okay. Okay. Technically it's an
“organ,” but at 40, he has enough experience to know just how to
wield it.)
So, to avoid any confusion, I will refrain from labeling Peter Steele a genius. Rather, with his long black hair, searing green eyes, and that violating voice to cream for, I will declare him a god. One I will quite happily get on my knees and pray to every single day.
Mike
Shinoda
He
satisfies my starving desire for having both an untamed stallion and a
gentle sweetheart steaming up my bedroom windowpanes. Just the thought of
With
his mastery of the soft rock classics, his witty one-liners, and his one
glittery eye, this professional-happy-sock puppet-thing just makes me
melt. He’s funny, charming, and good with animals; and it doesn’t hurt
that he is sweetly voiced and animated by the adorable
Michael
Ian Black. It was a sad day when Socky, as I like to call him, lost
his job as the spokes-puppet for Pets.com. I was inconsolable thinking
that was the end; I would never see him again. Then
one day a package arrived at my door . . . it was him! The Sock Puppet! He
found me! Okay, maybe he isn’t the “original,” but he is my very
own. (Thanks, Mom!) He even talks, tells me about the tabby cat and
“stuffed things.” Every once in a while I’ll pet his fuzzy little
head and hear him say, “Velma, come on. Pet me harder. Pet me harder!”
Oooo, such a naughty puppet. NEWS FLASH: Sock Puppet Gets New Job! Read all about it here.
Wayne Static Shelby,
Michigan doesn’t exactly sound like a town that could produce a guy who
aspires to “keep disco evil” and who looks like he could do some
serious damage to your box springs. However, it has happened.
Wayne Static of
Static-X
is
that guy, and . . . Lord help me.
I first noticed Wayne in the “It’s Goin’ Down” video by the
X-Ecutioners. Have you seen
the opening shot? I swear I
nearly died, he was so sexy. Any man that can handle a guitar like that
can handle me like that any day.
He plays with such ease that you just can’t help but be turned
on. It’s very scary. He
looks aggressive, threatening, and vicious, yet he is a man of Zen
meditation. Who doesn’t like that?
.
. . or something like that. You're
probably not familiar
with this particular
version of the
popular children’s nursery rhyme.
You're probably also not familiar
with this particular Spyder. All in good time, my dears. This Spyder is
the guitarist for the band Psykill – widely considered one of the best
bands in Tampa Bay, they've already done some national touring, and
recently opened locally for the yummy fetish band Bozo
Porno Circus. Major
success is just waiting for them, and you can say you saw him here first. Some
guys make a girl's heart flutter, some guys make a girl's head spin.
Darkly erotic and dripping with testosterone, Spyder will make your knees
weak and make you wet between your thighs. He dared to bare all (well
almost) for last year's charity male revue Shake,
Rattle & Grind. Spider-Man,
catching criminals in his sticky strands may be the big thing on the big
screen this summer, but I'd prefer this Spyder to be the big thing in my
bed on a nightly basis – covering me with his sticky strands. And if he
needs any help shooting, I'd be glad to offer a hand (or a mouth, or
sundry other body parts).
At
some random point in time it was written in
t
Brandon
Boyd This Distraction is “purr-tastick” I didn't write it, but it gets my complete endorsement and approval. This babe is so utterly compelling his write up actually took the talents of two of our grand contributors - Logan and Nesha. So, read on about this beautiful, sexy kitty named Brandon Boyd. *meow* - Velma By Logan
Intellect.
Handsome features. Bed
head. A thick, sexy, inviting
voice. Could
it be possible that all of these attributes belong to the same man?
Yes. Very possible. Brandon
Boyd, the soulful leader of Incubus, is most certainly a very sexy man.
Have you ever heard him talk?
He may not look it (no offense, Brandon), but the man is very
intelligent. This Calabasas,
Calif. native can easily switch from mindless banter with a VJ to a light
conversation about quantum theory; and he would have no problem doing it.
He enjoys it. I’d
most definitely say this is the main characteristic that makes him sexy.
Well, that and his urge to remove his shirt whenever possible.
Have you ever seen Incubus live in concert?
His About the pics: Isn't he cute sitting in a tree? Check out that awesome red tat in the second pic. Oh, and we threw in the amazing third pic just because you needed the shirtless visual. All of these hot little pics were snagged from http://www.incunet.net/brandon.html.
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Wayne’s
voice is the powerhouse behind Static-X’s success, using it to land the
group in its first large tour with Ozzfest in Summer 2000.
Little
Miss Muffet, sat on her tuffet, 
he stars that the drummer of
every band ever created would be the most delectable, sexy, and (let's be
frank) fuck-a-licious member of the bunch.
Darting
through the still,
damp night air, he swaggers beneath the stars and emerges from the
darkness only to be illuminated by the pale moonlight streaming through
your open window. A grin slides across his full lips as he ever so
carefully crawls among the crumpled sheets and comforter. His soft, brown
curls tickling your salty skin and the scent of Dove mingled with sweat
causes you to wake to the face of the glowing, Greek god sent from the
forces that be to ravage your awaiting body. Brandon Boyd, lead vocalist
of the band Incubus, with his sultry voice, thought-provoking lyrics, and
mahogany tinted eyes was not jerking around when deciding that the group
to be named after a sexually insatiable Greek demon sent to pleasure
maidens as they slumbered. Golden from the California sunshine and laced
in intricate tattoos, this 26-year-old speaks with the maturity and depth
of a man far beyond his years on the 1999’s hit album, Make Yourself,
and recently released, Morning View. His words are a mixture of
self-revelation and quick, sharp wit with a touch of gentility dripping
loads of charisma. Above all, he is also an avid reader with the build and
endowments of an Abercrombie model. Except for making yourself comfy with
Brandon’s naked morning view, what more could you ask for? Not much.
By
Nesha