how fast I could run,
how productively I could work,
how quickly dinner could be prepared.
Once upon a time I knew
how tightly I could hold you,
how freely I could play,
how I could spend Saturday evening
three weeks from now.
Once upon a time I knew or thought I knew
what work I could do,
children I could bear,
special person I would meet
what I would do in my middle years
how I would look when I was seventy-five
And now, A F T E R
after confusion
after diagnosis
after denial
after tests run for whole days and weeks
I only know how I feel right now
what I think right now
what I can do, right now.
Once upon a time has fallen down;
been shattered and
"all the king's horses and all the king's men"
can't put the old me together again.
~ ~ Joyce Dace-Lombard ~ ~
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