By Chris
05/27/02
Hello boys and girls and welcome to
another installment of Chris’ rants™. Today the subject we are tackling is
boredom at work. It’s memorial day 2002, and before the silliness begins I just
want to take a moment to send out my thoughts to servicemen and women over seas
and express my gratitude to all the men and women who sacrificed and served in
our armed forces.
SO now let us journey to the land where
it’s OK for kids to blow stuff up and start fires because DAMNIT it’s an
American Holiday! (Either that or the local sports team won a world’s
championship)
Quick Prediction Number 1
1346 - kids who will seriously burn
themselves in tragic BallPark Plumps While You Cook EM ™ incidents.
Quick Prediction Number 2
0 – Number of parents who will assume
personal responsibility for their kids having BallPark phallic symbols
exploding in their faces.
Quick Prediction Number 3
1347 – number of lawsuits brought by
people involved in tragic wiener displays (hey I want to get in on this action
too!)
Don’t we all know at least one person
who had a finger/hand/bodypart blown off when that dumbass wouldn’t let go of
the stupid bottle rocket fast enough. Because he wanted to “guide” exactly
where it would go. Way to go Neil Armstrong! That’s one small step for man, one
giant finger blown off because you love the cock, asshole!
Cole slaw, seriously, there is no need
for this crap. Let’s see let’s make vinegar and sauerkraut based salad dressing
slice up some cabbage and other crap, sell it to KFC and market it as an
essential part of any cookout! Well Jesus H! That’s a great idea and I actually
had a similar idea once, but I found out it had already been done, and it’s
call Prostitution. Seriously this stuff is what they make people toss
salads with in prison. And what a great racket for the manufacturers, take the
left overs from the other foods you manufacture and throw that shit together
and get a new, marketable product to rape people into buying. Seriously get
your corporate dick out of my ass! I don’t want it. I don’t want to smell it.
It is the worst stuff ever. End of subject!
Best Kosher’s – Best hotdogs ever. They
are David to Hebrew National’s Goliath and beat the shit outta the big man!
Grandma’s Potato Salad – best deli sold
side dishes for cookouts.
The drunk Meat vendor who drives door to
door – strangest person to buy a box of the best frozen steaks and hamburgers
ever! Even if he was shitfaced at 2 p.m.
Me – Because I am supposed to be working
but there are no customer’s so I decided to write this column.
Wal-Mart – the best place for young
girls showing off their ASSets and their favorite scrap of cloth masquerading
as a T-shirt. Seriously, a couple of easy D’s walking around today!
Where the hell is the business today. Oh
wait the business is spending time with their families which is what I should
be doing now!
And as usual,
With that bitches….
I am out!