PAIRING : POV

RATING : PG14

DISCLAIMER : I do not own these characters.

NOTES : If I give away  too much, what's the point? Someone feels like being reckless.

THANKS TO : The BuffyAngelImprov list for giving me something to do! Improv #18 reckless -- pallor -- spice -- false

            I just wanna be reckless. I wanna be carefree and wanton and sexual. So sue me. Not my fault really. Isn't my entire job about being reckless and rolling with the punches?

            I'm sick of being chained to the weights that burden me. So I'm letting go. Like I said, I want to be reckless.

            I walk into the room and look around. There's gotta be something to it, right? Some kind of pleasure. That's what they said before, what I heard.

            It doesn't have to hurt.

            About twenty heads just turned to me and I smile innocently, as if I've stumbled into Hell instead of taking a right into Heaven. There is a certain pallor about each of them, but some are so unnaturally white it's almost scary. No matter. I've seen them before. The false-faced people that claim to give you- well, from what I heard anyway- can make you live forever.

            So let's see. One stands up and approaches me. He looks me up and down and takes my wrist to his mouth. He inhales deeply and smiles. "Come with me." He says. I'm sure he can just smell the virginity on me. Still an innocent girl, though I've seen and done way more than he could ever imagine. Or maybe he can. Maybe he can smell it on me as well. Maybe he- maybe he's what I've been praying for.

            So I let him lead me back towards a room and when we get there, it's empty. He pulls me over to a bed and lifts me before placing me on the bed gently. I tremble as he takes the knife and cuts all my clothes off and suddenly I'm thinking perhaps it was not the best night to be reckless.

            I can barely define his features, like he's without a face, devoid of humanity. I laugh in spite of myself. That's exactly what he is, isn't it? Devoid of humanity.

            He ties a blindfold over my eyes and I feel him licking down all the veins in my body, kissing all my pulse points on the front of me, before flipping me over and doing the same to my backside.

            Then I feel it. Pain in my neck, deep, terrifying, blinding pain.

            "NOOOOOOOOOO!" I bolt up out of bed, covered in sweat. Always the same violation. Always the same scenario. I never know what it means. I've been plagued with them for two years now. What does it mean? Why am I drawn to them? What makes me doomed to dream this over and over? And why would a fifteen old be dreaming of this?

            I pad to the bathroom and turn the light on. I take a sip of water before returning to my room. I grab my diary. One more late night entry.

Dear Diary-

            I had the dream again. Always the same feelings of pain and excitement, fear and danger. Always the same false-faced pallor. Always the blinding pain… I can't help but think that perhaps one day, I'll know what it is that I dream of and why I'm drawn to it.

                                                            XOXO

                                                            Buffy

~El Fin~