PAIRING : Buffy/Angel(us)

RATING : NC17

SPOILERS : none

DISCLAIMER : I do not own these characters. Nor do I own “Bitch” (Meredith Brooks).

NOTES & WARNINGS : Bondage & light SM.

Paradox: 1) A statement or proposition seemingly self-contradictory or absurd, and yet explicable as truth. 2) A self-contradictory and false proposition. 3) Any person or thing exhibiting apparent contradictions. 4) An opinion or statement contrary to received opinion.

                She's everything and nothing I wanted. She's hideously beautiful and wickedly kind. She's devilishly enticing and she makes me want to scream and cry all at once. The golden light that surrounds her is constantly engulfed by the dark. She is my Goddess of Darkness, my Princess of Horror.

//I hate the world today

You’re so good to me

I know but I can't change

Tried to tell you

But you look at me like maybe I'm an angel underneath

Innocent and sweet

Yesterday I cried

Must have been relieved to see the softer side

I can understand how you'd be so confused

I don't envy you

I'm a little bit of everything

All rolled into one//

                I watch her, hips beginning to sway with the music, enticingly at the foot of the bed. I can only look up over my own body. The chains that bind me are tough this time, she learned her lesson the last time I broke the bonds that kept me from her body.

//I'm a bitch, I'm a lover

I'm a child, I'm a mother

I'm a sinner, I'm a saint

I don't feel ashamed

I'm your hell, I'm your dream

I'm nothing in between

you know you wouldn't want it any other way//

                She begins taking off her clothes, piece by excruciating piece and I can smell her sex. It weighs heavily around me, enters my nostrils in unneeded breaths, instant reactions to what she is doing to me. She smiles, she sees I am more than ready for her, but still she makes me wait and my eyes beg her to unchain me. I don't know why I let her do this me, but I agree every time her weak voice demands it.

                She approaches me, runs her hands from the pit of my arm all the way to where my wrists strain against the metal cuffs. She touches my fingers and takes two in her mouth, sucking hard on them. I let my fingers manipulate her tongue, run along the roof of her mouth, imaging my fingers as my tongue, but this does not sate my need, the burning ache inside me, inside us both, nothing can. She pulls away and I have only to growl, I can't help it. She drives me beyond all logic, all sanity, and the bounds of reality. She likes me to be quiet, until spoken to, and I know I will be punished. I fear her wrath and anticipate it.

                She walks to the table on the other side of the room, I watched her hips sway, her beautifully etched ass swaying. She grabs a chain and carries it over to me shaking her head in disappointment. I know it's coming and I try to prepare for her exquisite enjoyable pain. She runs the chains ornament over my chest and I try to back away from it but am stopped by the bed. I buck under the pain with a smile on my face and throw myself up toward it. I see the smoke rising from my now burned chest and she smiles, satisfied, wanting to do more.

//so take me as I am

this may mean you'll have to be a stronger man

rest assured that when I start to make you nervous

and I'm going to extreme

tomorrow I will change

and today won't mean a thing//

                She straddles me, not quite at the angle I need to thrust myself into her. She leans over my head, her hair engulfs it and I can feel her body looming above mine, rubbing her breasts and now hard nipples against my wounded chest, giving herself as much pain and pleasure as to me. She runs her tongue along my forehead and down over my yellow eyes, and over my lips. I can't respond, she is in control, and she doesn't like it when I push. I am strong but she makes me weak, vulnerable, a feeling I can’t shake, nor do I want to. I give myself to her, trust her torture, her body, her desire. We, after all, are trying to quench the same ache inside ourselves, the same burning desire that eats us alive, that led us here. I can no longer be with another, others are tainted, ruined for me, no one can satisfy my needs as completely and ferociously as she.

She slowly plunges her tongue into my mouth and I open to her, she presses upward with her tongue and pricks herself on my fangs. I can taste her blood in my mouth and still can do nothing, although I throw myself upward. She reaches down and grabs my cock, pulls it upward toward her, rubbing it on her sex, teasing me, torturing me, like no other, then she squeezes it and releases.

                I am now yanking as hard as possible on the chains, trying, wishing, hell even praying that they will break. I want to make her bleed as she makes to me, I want to make her hurt so bad she comes three times over, and still wants more. She sucks on my tongue and pulls it into her mouth, where I am allowed more freedom. I poke and prod and rub her tongue, seeking the wound, seeking the red I crave. She knows this, and just as I find it she pulls away and I growl once again, not being able to help it.

//I'm a bitch, I'm a lover

I'm a child, I'm a mother

I'm a sinner, I'm a saint

I don't feel ashamed

I'm your hell, I'm your dream

I'm nothing in between

you know you wouldn't want it any other way//

                She looks deep into my eyes with hatred and desire, obsession and repulsion, love and disgust, feelings we can neither find the words for nor completely understand ourselves. She slowly slides down my body, her golden hair trailing her, running over my face. I take some in my mouth, golden strands drenched in her dangerous aroma, sucking on it as it follows her. She giggles. She runs her mouth over my wounds as she continues down. I hope she will take me deep into her mouth, but know she has not finished her torture, and I secretly wish she has more planned for me. I hate her for this and beg her for more at the same time.

                I feel her nearing my straining cock. I feel as though I will explode, I don’t fit in my own skin. I feel everything in my body calling to her, the skin just binds us. If we could break through it, perhaps we could know some kind of satisfaction, completion, but alas, this is just an impossible dream. I can't wait to be buried inside her, I am going to explode, I can’t, but I must. Or I will experience pain beyond what my body can take, beyond what a demon of any kind can endure. The last time I was early she showered me in holy water, smothered my skin in her blood, and left me chained for hours, and that had been the beginning of her torture. She came back the next day and sat on my chest, naked, laid down and let her fingers do the work that I had wanted to do, the work that was my right and honor to do. I watched her manipulating her own pleasure and pain, right in front of my eyes, just out of my reach. That was torture enough, I can only imagine what she would do the next time. I can only wish it happens again.

                The rules may have changed since, however, they often do. One time I growl and she drags the cross across my back, the next time she answers me back. I cannot learn her rules, nor do I want to. Every time I figure them out, she changes them, surprising and delightfully scaring me. Her tongue has now found my erection, long, hard and screaming to buried deep inside her. She runs her tongue along the base, moving up toward the tip. She kisses it lightly and gets up as I growl once more. She laughs sadistically, tosses her hair back and drags her nails up the length of my body as she walks to me. She looks into my eyes, and I beg her, plead with her, change back to my human face, and continue my visual pleads for some show of mercy.

                She smiles and runs her own hand down her body over her nipples and abdomen. I watch them enter inside, where I belong and she pulls them out, dripping with her juice. The scent of her sex is heavier in the air, mixed with my own, the scent of desire and arousal and all things between us, real or imaginary. She traces my lips with her moist fingers and pushes them inside. I suck them and lick them, bite them and kiss them, readily accepting what she offers, half wanting to spit them out in protest.

//just when you think

you got me figured out

the seasons already changing

I think it's cool

you do what you do

and don't try to save me//

                She leans over me and kisses my nose and then sucks on my ear and whispers, "One hand lover, which one?"

                "Both." I say, pleading with her to have mercy, just this once.

                "None." She backs away and climbs on the bed, standing over me, I look up at her rosy bud, pulsating with her blood, begging for my mouth. I know not how she does it, remain so calm and not lose control. She is certainly stronger than I, but it was her weakness that led us here. She sits down facing away from me, her legs on either side of my body. She leans over and I feel her hair falling lightly over my upper thighs. I growl at her and she tosses her head back, hair in my face.

                "Right." I say, hoping she will take pity on me. She reaches back with the key in her hand, and unlocks the left. My fingers don't know where to touch first, I want to touch every piece of her and none of her at all.

                She leans over me once more and takes me full into her mouth to the back of her throat. As she does, she puts her knees on the sides of my head and I lift myself up, so I can reach her, my tongue grazes her delicious folds already dripping with her desire. She shivers, and I do it again, as she is sucking on me. I push my tongue into her, and she is now having the one losing control. Her hips fall onto my chest, she can't keep them up anymore, she is joining me in her delightful game of anguish and power. I am able to get at her now, and I inhale her swollen pulsating clit into my mouth and revel in its silky texture and deep taste of her. I suck on it hard, as hard as I possibly can and she screams out for me. I want her to know true pain. She beats me to this first as she bites down on the tip of my cock and I vamp out at the induced pain, and the steady growth of agony and climax. I bite down on her next, letting her blood drip into my mouth, and I suckle her, as a child would his mother.

                My fingers attend to her tender spots while my mouth is busy. I insert my fingers into her, between her soft folds, to find the spots I like best. My fingers press inside her cavity, pulling and stretching her passage, making her ready for me. I can't concentrate that well, I can't separate the pain and pleasure and I can't even see straight anymore. I find her hot spot inside and she jumps up and I growl deeper than I though possible.

//just when you think

you got me figured out

the seasons already changing

I think it's cool

you do what you do

and don't try to save me//

                Her mouth finds mine, to taste herself, to allow me the same pleasure, the taste of my own blood, my own sex. She sits upright, hovers above me and looks deep into my eyes, I know that look. I push myself down into the bed as much as I can, and she prepares herself, raising her hips higher. She looks at me and nods and simultaneously she slams herself onto me, while I thrust myself up into her. "ANGELUS!" She screeches, louder than ever before. And my muscles contract and stretch all at the same time and I notice my right arm is now free, I have broken the wood that held the chain. Next time I will expect a metal bed.

                I put one hand down to her clit, and she presses into my finger, riding it, as much as she is the rest of me. She quickly finds my other hand, and our fingers interlock, giving her more support. She impales herself on me as hard as she can, she squeezes me tightly and I scream in ecstatic agony at her pain. She runs her free hand under her and grabs one of my balls and squeezes it. I am beyond the point of screaming, beyond reason, beyond everything. I don't even know her name anymore, my brain has shut down, and it can't process what is happening to me.

                I watch the explosions happening in my head, before my eyes. I can feel myself wanting to let go. She knows it, she can feel herself approaching it too. She likes me to come at the exact moment she does, it intensifies it, if it can be anymore intense which isn't possible, but it always happens, she finds a way.

//I'm a bitch, I'm a lover

I'm a child, I'm a mother

I'm a sinner, I'm a saint

I don't feel ashamed

I'm your hell, I'm your dream

I'm nothing in between

you know you wouldn't want it any other way//

                She always amazes me in these moment. She leans down, not breaking her constant thrusts or contact with my thighs. She puts her face into my neck and angles her shoulders up to me, so my face is in her neck as well. She licks my neck, letting me know it's time and we both bite down hard into the other and taste our own blood entering back into our bodies. I explode into her cold body as I feel her cum spill onto the bed and myself as our growls fill the room.

                We keep drinking, passing it between us, the bond that ties us. Her body still convulses and thrusts me into her, she can't stop it, nor can I. It's not over, it's never over, but it has been for a long time. It has been six months and every time I think she can't be any better, she does this to me. We drink for what seems like hours, but is really a matter of minutes I'm sure. She withdraws her fangs from my neck and pulls away from mine, finally able to control her lower body and stop herself.

//I'm a bitch, I'm a tease

I'm a goddess on my knees

when you're hurt, when you suffer

I'm your angel undercover

I'm been gone

I'm revived

Can’t say I'm not alive

You know you wouldn't want it any other way//

                She drops to my side and cuddles into my arm. She is mine. I am hers. We are nothing and everything together. She gently kisses me, returning to her beautiful face, the one the soul fell in love with, the one that I changed. I smile. She is my Goddess, she always has been, and will be forever. We have no regrets. We wished we had done this sooner; we should have, so we could have this much pain and pleasure, have experienced this much ecstasy and relief. It isn't even pain and pleasure; it is so much more intense. It's agony and blood, hatred and passion. It's ecstasy and grief, rage and obsession that drove us to commit the ultimate paradox, that of the vampire and his lady, who was once the Chosen One.

~El Fin~