PAIRING : Spike POV

RATING : PG14, angst, character deaths

SPOILERS : season 5 "the Gift" with a twist

DISCLAIMER : I do not own these characters.

I'll never forget it. I'll never *not* see it in my head.

I can't *not* think about it because I felt it.

Falling.

I bleedin' *felt* it- before *she* did- *they* did.

He threw me down- 20 stories.

Down.

Down.

Down with a horrifying THUD on the ground below.

Ten broken ribs, busted kneecap, bent leg, broken jaw…

Thud.

And I can *still* see it- have done nothing *but* see it.

I struggled to look up and see what was going on. Slayer got up there and threw him off the tower. I should have done that. I failed. I caused it. I couldn't save them.

The portal opened, was opening… was bleeding… our world- their worlds… it was just wrong.

She turned to Dawn and they were just still. I wanted (tried) to scream to them- get off the tower!

Slayer turned back to the portal and I *knew* right then and there what she was saying. I knew that she was going to die- going to throw herself off the tower into the portal- ever the self-sacrificing heroine. I hated her in that second.

She kissed her little sis and started to run. I didn't wanna watch but I couldn't help myself. I *had* to bloody watch- until the bitter end.

I never expected Nibblet to grab her legs and trip her. I *never* expected to see Dawn jump over Buffy's body.

And I stared in horror as Buffy stood up and ran after her sister to stop her.

But she didn't.

And Buffy hugged Dawn as they fell together.

Down.

Down.

Down.

THUD.

It was just wrong.

And in a way- I almost *thank* them for going together. I wouldn't have been able to watch either grieve her sister. I wouldn't have been able to bury the Slayer and carry out my promise to protect Dawn.

I see it every time I close my eyes. I feel the falling but I can't feel how it must have felt for *them* to be pulled apart and have the life sucked out of you on their way down.

But I will.

I look ahead and see the sun- almost up. The first couple rays are just coming over the tops of the buildings. Another two seconds… and-

I put my arms out and just… fall…

Being torn apart. Falling.

The last things I feel.

~El Fin~