This is my second time losing weight. The first time I was on a diet and had great success was lowest being 195 pounds from 291. As you can see, I gained that weight back and much more. This time I have a new WOE/WOL. I have learned to say “I don’t eat certain foods” vs. “I can’t have certain foods”.
I had excuses for the extra weight and people around me helped me validate those reasons. “I have big bones”, “I take after my grandmother”, “I don’t have high blood pressure or any other health problems” and “I carry my weight well” were just a few. I am no longer listening to those voices in my head. They are part of the denial that I am no longer living in.
I am a daily weigher. Part of my no more denial lifestyle. I stayed away from the scale for years. I refused to weigh. Anytime I would go to the doctor I would refuse to weigh. You know that saying what you don’t know won’t hurt you. That was my motto when it came to my weight. In reality it was just another denial tool.
I am working on what Lean for Life calls my “mental blueprint”. I am a middle child. I was the one they called Heavy Duty while my sister was called T-Bone. My step father thought the nicknames were cute and put it on the bikes we got for Christmas. I was one of the tallest kids in my class starting in elementary. I developed early so I was bigger than most girls in my class (chest & rear end). As a teenager, I watched what I ate and was very active, but I was still labeled the big one. Big little sis was another one of my nicknames. As I got older, I stopped the exercise and began to live the title people had given me. I say "title given me" because I now know that’s all it was. Although I was one of the tallest girls in class and larger than my sister; I was not an overweight child. I realize now that my childhood had an effect on my self image. No matter what size I was, I only saw someone overweight. Changing my mental blueprint means seeing my true self at every stage. No more trick mirrors for me. I emphasize to my children how important it is to have good self esteem, a positive self image, and self love.
I realize that it takes not only eating right, but a lifetime commitment to exercise. My biggest downfall was exercise. I am happy to say it is no longer. I even consider it one of my strengths. To make myself exercise, I treated myself like a child. You can’t watch television unless you exercise. You can’t read your book tonight unless you exercise. When I started back in January weighing over 363 pounds, I could barely walk to my car in the parking lot. (I would get the closest spot available.) Now I park at the top of the hill and I’m not even breathing hard when I get to my car. No shortness of breath, no leg pains. How did I get to there? I started by moving, literally. For people who say "I can’t exercise", I say you are wrong. I would turn on some music or stand in front of the TV and move. First it was 10 minutes, then 12 then 15 and so on until I got to 20 minutes. Then on a wonderful site called Low Carb Friends, I heard about Walk Away the Pounds. I had long ago seen an infomercial, but at that time I was not thinking of exercise. I found a set and started. The 1 mile tape is called the Easy Mile and it’s 15 minutes long. I thought I can do that. I had been moving for 20 minutes by now. Well the first few times I tried the easy mile I didn’t make it through the entire workout. Now I can do the 4 mile (1 hour) workout tape. I love WATP and I recommend it to anyone who doesn't like to exercise to give it a try.
After growing out of my size 32 non stretch jeans, I began to buy knit pants only. So I have gone from beyond a size 32 to a size 22 jean. In everything else I am an 18/20. When I started, I would buy button down shirts in a size 30/32 and could only wear them open as a layer piece. Now I can button down 18/20 tops. I now await the day I can wear my size 14 misses’ jeans again.
Some tips from Lean for Life that has helped me along the way. When out socializing, remember take the focus off of food. Are you celebrating a birthday, an anniversary, holiday, or whatever? Food is not the reason for the event. Try sugar free gum. Sometimes you just want to chew. It’s not hunger. Believe me I have an addiction for Trident sugar free gum. If you mess up (eat something you off plan, have a binge meal, or whatever), don’t beat yourself up. Don’t get pulled back into those old ways of feeling guilty and turning a pity party into a free for all. Get back on track immediately. You have to change your mind to change your body. I could go on and on. The Lean for Life book is a great read for anyone on any plan.
For my fellow Sisters in Sweat, I keep hearing Leslie saying: "You've just finished one mile. You ready for the next one? Okay, let's go right now! I have reached my first goal of 100 lbs gone forever. My next goal is to make it to Onederland and then to my final weight goal. My last and final goal is to be Lean for Life.
10/04/2004
