Did you hear something dept.

There has been some speculation upon the relationship of Van Gogh and Gauguin in the writings of art history, and a question of what exactly precipitated The Van Gogh ear slicing incident.  Perhaps it is impossible to ever answer the question with complete satisfaction, but what follows is me own attempt to do just that, after pouring over countless articles and tracing the clues throughout half of Europe, I Have come to the conclusions of which follows…

What is little remembered is that Gauguin not only considered himself the greatest painter and cook in the world, but also the best barber! Gauguin grew weary of seeing how Vincent preferred to shave in a very direct passionate way, eschewing shaving cream and sometimes taking a razor blade directly from the box to his face not bothering w/the blade holder or water! Gauguin good naturally offered to Vincent a true artistic shaving experience, much to Van Gogh's eternal regret he agreed. Gauguin began the process by first rubbing his hands about Vincent's face," to get an idea of the general needs and shape of the face." That was it for day one.

Day two consisted of Gauguin applying an exfoliate to Vincent's face. On day three Vincent was getting impatient, "Come now Gauguin be a good fellow and shave my face!"   " Shave Shave, that is all you think about! My dear Vincent first I must prepare your face!" Gauguin then roughed in some Hydrating lotion into Vincent's beard. " There that's it for today, now go play with your prostitute, tomorrow we shave!" The next day Vincent felt his ordeal would end, and feeling a little celebratory began to drink. Gauguin came in from digging some potato's, " Ahh the potato! So good for a Dutchman's skin, you will see Vincent."

Gauguin then began his slow methodical process of prepping Vincent's face and began the shave. "Now hold still Vincent... it must be ever so..." Gauguin shaved Vincent's chin and then Shaved out the image of a cat on Vincent's cheek. " Vo-la! There it is done!"   " Done? You crazy Parisian, you haven't even begun! Give me that razor!"   " No Vincent stay back, I won't have you ruin my masterpiece!”  Gauguin grabbed Vincent by the checks with a firm Paw and pointed his face to the mirror. “See look in the mirror, I have captured the essence of your beard!"   “ Aaarrrgh hofferdamer” Vincent screamed.

Then a mad struggle ensued, with Vincent grabbing the razor and wildly thrashing about his face while Gauguin tried to restrain him. In the melee Vincent's earlobe was inadvertently sliced off. " Oh Vincent all that blood, it ruins the effect of my shave!" Gauguin lamented the ruined masterpiece, sitting With his bowed head oblivious to all.  Van Gogh snuck out the side door, and feeling inexplicably aroused went searching for a prostitute, and then quickly off to the hospital. Gauguin drowned his sorrows over several white beers and then went looking for a place to break his ankle and die of syphilis.

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