Why? There is always something that happens to everyone at some point in their life that makes them question it all. Why this or why me. It always happens. Then one day I was online, as normal, talking to people and helping them out with their problems when I met this gurl that was struggling with her sexuality. She knew who she was, but wasn't sure about the world outside of the closet. She had so many questions, needed so many answers.
As time went on over the period we talked that day, or night, from her I learned a lot. She had opened up so much to me and I was glad she could. It gave me a good sense of how deep and sweet she is even today she will never admit it though. She's made and played a big part in my life ever since. She really was the sweetest. You know how some people can just be cute and sexy all the time, she has that ability and I am happy for it.
Even though at times she can't express it, she is always adorable. Well, from there we have made a site together to help others and help them talk about sexuality as well as smaller or more important things to them. I will add the site here aswell so if you want to visit and/or need any help you can try us two gurls and see if you get anything your looking for in advice.
Well as people go through day to day things questioning why things always happen to them, even though you think life is always hardest on you, spare a thought for the others that really are less fortunate or have shared a really bad childhood. Not everyone goes through life with so many problems, some just breeze through it.
Then there is me and my gurl. She hasn't had it so easy herself, loosing a role model and father figure in her life, although it took her hard and she doesn't like to show it, but I know deep down it hurts her. She is everything to me and I want him remembered for him. I will always tell her 'your dad is happy the way you turned out.' I beilve in all of that stuff and I hope others do aswell. It isn't just a little bit of lies.
I don't know, I never met her dad and she really didn't know too much of him, but when he died I know he would of died happy as he had a very beautiful family that loved him whole heartedly as even my gurl Kim would make him proud. I know he would of understood about her sexuality and I know he is there watching over her and loving her for the daughter he has.
I also have lost a loved one or more, not that I ever talk about them, but I had a baby sister that after my father and mother abused me a lot over my childhood when they finally got jailed, I got custody of her. She died in my arms and not even a year old. Nothing anyone could do. At times I even felt like everything I touched would turn to death, I could never express that to my lover. I couldn't find words. I thought if I talked to her about it she might also turn that way aswell. Although it didn't, it so felt like that. Part of the reason for all this Why page.
I lost my sister and 3 brothers before me, so life hasn't given me many chances to believe in God, life or anything else, but I survived. Life will always go on. I hope some of this has given the people around me an insight into life and the world around them, that some of the people they know the most might never talk about the life they live at home, and not many ever really see the true side. A lot of family problems are never expressed when their friends are around. At those times it seems so happy to everyone, no one looks beyond that and that's why it took 14 years to find the truth of the problems I was living with.
Well cheers to all and smile, even though it may be your turn to have a hard time think of it as a blessing you don't have to live with it everyday, day in and day out. As you go through life, look for the road and path. It may be hard to see, but I know you will find it. It isn't always the path you may think, but it leads to bigger things for the future even though you may go through pain and agony to get there, don't turn back. Just keep on going down that road and you will get to your final destination.
Lisa xx xx xx |
