Q: Why are you following Hank? Don't you know that only Jesus will save you?
A: Read carefully the Gospel of Hank. There are only two promises for believers, and that is to avoid having the shit kicked out of you, and to receive a million dollars when you leave town. To receive these gifts, one must only kiss Hank's Ass and follow the commands of His Inerrant Gospel. You can pray to Jesus to save your soul if you want, but Jesus ain't going to be giving you a million bucks or keeping Hank from kicking your ass!!
Q: What if I leave town, and then come back for a while? Do I still get the million dollars?
A: Think about it! You know believers that have come back to town, did they have a million dollars? Of course not! Coming back to town shows that you never intended to really leave town. Your leaving town was merely a pretense to try and get Hank's million dollars and bring it back with you! Shame on you! Fortunately, Hank is smart enough to know if you plan on coming back to town or not, and you only get the million if you really leave with all your heart, and not if you leave just to come back again.
Q: What if everybody in the world kisses Hank's ass? He would have to pay over 6 trillion dollars! How rich is he?
A: We are not told Hank's total wealth. There are some things humanity is not meant to know. However, we know from Hank's Gospel that Hank is never wrong, and that He will give a million dollars to anyone when they leave town, IF they kissed His Ass. He would not have written that if He could not fulfill His promise! His wealth is greater than you or I can ever imagine.
Q: Are jalapeno peppers considered condiments, and can I eat them on wieners as long as they are in buns?
A: I'll kick the shit out of you myself, you Hank-less blasphemer!!!!