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My husband and I suspected that I was pregnant because I had looked like I was starting to gain weight. So we went out and bought a pregnancy test. The test was negative. But I was also having some stomach pains, so I made an appointment with my doctor. When I went in she said that everything looked normal, and that I should take another pregnancy test just to make sure that thats not whats causing the discomfort. And I did. And just as soon as I walked in my house, the phone rang. It was the doctors office. They had called to congratulate us. I was pregnant. We were so so happy. But my doctor was still concered, and said that its not really normal to be having this much discomfort. She said she wanted me to have an ultrasound, to make sure my baby was not in my tubes. And so I did. I went in for a level two ultrasound. It contradicted what the doctor thought was wrong with me. But now they were telling me that I might have a molar pregnancy. And that I should probably terminate the pregnancy. That was not an option for me and my husband, so we went to see the doctor who delivered our first child. She did an ultrasound, and didn't say very much, except that, she wanted us to come back next week for another ultrasound. And we did. She said that things didn't look very good for us the week before, but now things were starting to look better. She had us come back every week for about a month or so. And each week things started looking better and better.(there was originally a couple unknown masses inside my womb around my baby. And each week they became smaller, and eventually disapeared.) She thinks that we had twins and that we miscarried one. Things went perfectly from there on, until we went in for our 19 week ultrasound. We went in to find out the sex of our baby. It was suppose to be a happy day, instead it was the day our world was turned upside down. The doctor said that things didn't look right. And that she wanted us to go see a specialist as soon as possible. She thought that the baby's head was bigger then her body for the gestation of the baby(could mean downsyndrome). And that my fluid level was extremely low. Well the specialist couldn't fit us in until the next night. So we had to go home not knowing what was wrong with our precious baby. And we had to wait a whole day, which seemed like forever, to find out what was wrong with her. When we went to see the specialist, things turned out to be worse then expected. The specialist said that there was NO fluid and NO kidneys(hence the reason for the lack of fluid((which developes the lungs, so this meant our baby would not be able to breath when she was born))). When we heard this me and my husband broke down. The specialist was very cold. He kept telling us, in a harsh, stern manner, "This is a poor prognosis, and termination is an option." Not for us we told him. God creates no accidents. We went home and told our family of the horrible news. They all, much like my husband and I, thought that their must be something that can be done to save our baby's life. In the following weeks, we deiced that we wanted to change doctors. We wanted to find a christian doctor with the same beliefs, one that wasn't trying to push abortion down our throats. And one that would do anything to help our baby. We prayed and prayed, and then my husbands aunt called us and told us of a doctor in our sister church(which we sometimes attended), who volunteered to help us through this pregnancy. We were so happy. God had answered our prayer. And we went to see him. He confirmed the diagnosis yet again. And told us that their really is nothing that can be done for babies with renal agenesis or potter's syndrome. In the following weeks I went on the internet searching and searching for a baby that has survived this syndrome that our baby had been diagnosed with. But I couldn't find one. We meet with neonatolgists(two of them) to talk over our options. We talked of lung and kidney transplants, which we found out were not possible in babies. So the only thing we were left with was the possiblitly of a miracle from God. We prayed and prayed for one all throught out the whole pregnancy. And we also prayed that if he didn't grant us one, that he would at least let her come into the world and stay a for while with us. I was having such a hard time decieding what to do. I knew in my mind that there was nothing that modern medicine could do to save her. But i felt like such a horrible mother saying, well just put her in my arms and let her die. How could I not try? The doctors and my husband kept reasuring me that there was nothing that could be done. And anything that would be done would just prolong her suffereing. I still wast not sure though. A wonderful couple at our church, gave our names and number to a couple whom had recently lost a baby to a chromosome abnormality. By talking to her, I realized what i had to do. I didn't want to cause my baby any more pain. It would just be selffish of me to do anything, knowning that nothing would work. Hearing her story, helped us out so much. I thank God for them everyday, because without them we wouldn't have gotten to spend as much time with our precious baby girl, as we did. The one thing that always sticks out in my mind is when she told what her husband would always say to her when she was carrying their son "There's only this much(he would take his two fingers and put them about an inch apart) that separates him from us." And that made us realize that, Yes, she is with us now, just because she is inside of me, doesn't mean that we can't spend time and make memories with her now. Every night before we'd go to bed my husband would get down by my belly and talk to her. He would tell her of his day. And she would actually(no kidding) move to the side he was talking to. It seemed like she wanted to be closer to him. It was so sweet. He'd also pray and read the bible to her. She was so active during this time, which was so comforting. The week of march 14, I woke up with contrations. They weren't horrible but very uncomfortable. I tried to tough them out to see if they would just go away, but 4 hours later, they still had not subsided. So I called my doctor's office. And they told me to go to the hospital. And of course as soon as we got into the car they weren't as bad.... and by the time we got their they had gone away completely. We took this as a warning sign from God. We were not prepared at all!! We hadn't bought anything that we wanted to buy for our darling baby. So that night, after I took my husband to work, I went out and bought the only blanket and outfit I would ever get to buy for my little girl. And I also went out and bought a footprint molding kit so that we could always have something to touch. We were all set. On March 30, 2002, At 5:30am I woke up again with contractions. Thinking that it was just a repeat of last time. I just tried to tough it out again. I didn't want to keep my husband and daughter up, so i went to take a bath, to see if that would help. And it didn't. Then I went back to bed, and dozed off in between contractions. Until, I could no longer stand them. I woke up my husband, and told him that I think this might be it. And we called my mother and father, and asked them to come pick up our daughter. And then we called the doctor, and he of course, told us to go in.
(Click Next To hear about Abigail's Birth and Our stay with her in the hospital) |
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