| . I N T R I C A T ' s . . |
| W e f a l l d o w n W e l a y o u r c r o w n s A t t h e f e e t o f J e s u s T h e g r e a t n e s s o f m e r c y a n d l o v e A t t h e f e e t o f J e s u s A n d w e c r y " H o l y H o l y H o l y " A n d w e c r y " H o l y H o l y H o l y " A n d w e c r y " H o l y H o l y H o l y " I s t h e L a m b |
| M a y 3 , 2 0 0 3 . W e F a l l D o w n by Chris Tomlin (1998) I was humming this song in my heart . . . |
| M a y 6 , 2 0 0 3 . Sometimes, I really wish that life is a little less complicated. Or to look at it differently, I wish I am a little bit more simple-minded. |
| M a y 1 1 , 2 0 0 3 . E m p t y < > F u l l My room, first day, that was august 24. it was empty then books became shelved, bed made, CD player and speakers set up, music played, papers sitting around, chairs sat on, conversations made, friends come by, jacqueline and i played the guitar and we sang together, we studied hard, the shared the time together. her room too.. first empty, then her books. her fridge, we shared it. her bed, i liked to sit on. we drank from the same kettle. her plants, always better taken care of than mine. soon jacqueline started to play the guitar too, and she wrote several songs we like singing together. her post-it-notes, her smiles, her patience, her hugs, her love. her room became full. my room became full too. i became a very rich person. in one night, may 8, books became unshelved, posters torn down, speakers unplugged and packed up, drawers empty, bed cleared out. the dustballs on the floor suddenly show. because there's no more singing behind the wall, no more talking between the doors. aug to may was from empty to full, and full to settled. may 8 to 9 was from being companied to being left lone. the richness has faded into the shadows. when something is gone, i have to learn to let go. |
| M a y 1 3 , 2 0 0 3 . t h i n g s k e p t me b u s y Cooking's great. I am working on the basic stuff lately. Pasta, with vegetable sauce, ground beef. Just added mushrooms to the list lately. Practice. And then I'll be more advanced and sophisticated in my ingredients later. Set up some cleaning schedules with my roommate Tiffany. Life's not bad. The good thing is spaciousness. For one thing, I can take my time and space to cook what I want. I can experiment, and no one will judge me or fight over the stove with me. Well, I got my first driving lesson yesterday after 9 months of recovery from my injury! Yes, my SEE FOO or driving tutor figured that one out for me. Picking up a few things. Still need to work on Emergency Parking and 3 point turns though. The high way drive was pretty all right. I was actually all right with speeding up at the entrance. The Campus Challenge poster's taking longer than we all thought. I think my group and I are all getting a bit tired and burnt out from it. It's looking interest though. The top of our poster, which is the roof of our house is a collage of photos from the UT campus. And we have quoted what some of UTCCFer have said as their reflections on various events. Working with a group on some artistic yet communicative stuff is quite a challenge though. A positive one so far. 'cause you might have an idea in your own head, yet others have theirs. How much of yours will go on it, and how much do you allow others' ideas to go on it. How much do they feel that their idea has been respected and used. Or what does the group want? A collective work ethics is also very tricky to set. I see how different people commit differently. Different people produce different quality of work. Some people are more punctual than the others too. Plus, there's some Bible Study preparation to do for the week after Campus Challenge. That's pressing in as well. Yet when my Mom calls in every few days, and most she asks about it, "so what are you gonna do with your life now?"... It's not that I don't care. It's just that she doesn't see if when I do care, or when I am working on the search and finding the opportunities. In this, my sister can so well identify with me. I think she's been getting those phonecalls from my Mom as well. |
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| M a y 1 8 , 2 0 0 3 I m i s s J a c q u e l i n e I've even thrown Jacqueline up in the air against the wall like that! What else haven't we had a blast and a laugh about together?! |
| M a y 2 3 , 2 0 0 3 . A " D r e a m " f o r I d e a l i s t s I think lately I have figured out some stuff for myself as an idealist in different ways (whether I admit it or not) or perfectionists like many others I know of -- who seem to often be too hard on themselves and freeze [i.e. to fall into inaction] at many moments in their lives, including myself, because we sometimes have an unconstructive attitude towards what a dream really is. It's one of those existential comments I'd like to make. So let me speculate modestly with these words: Often times, to live a dream out [in this short life on earth] is to strive to be someone that you can never naturally or perfectly be ['cause if you're that someone naturally and perfectly already, you won't call that a dream]. So no matter what, you will never be that someone perfectly, YET by striving to be that perfect someone that doesn't exist in this real world, you will always be that someone [though not in perfect form of that someone]. But being that someone, without being that perfect someone, is good enough for life anyways because there doesn't really exist that perfect someone in the real world after all. This statement applies to anyone no matter what their dream is, whether it is to become the perfect astronaut, the perfect mathematician, the ideal elementary school teacher, the most outstanding theologian, or the perfectly insightful commentator in this short life on earth. Normal people who aren't too hard on themselves will probably think that I am talking in circles, which is true 'cause I am. But people with perfectionistic thinking and people who, like myself, push themselves too hard -- hard enough to be easily intimidated by life -- will come to understand and appreciate what I mean, hopefully down the "rugged" road, which sometimes they have unknowingly created for themselves. |